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One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside Cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, And begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?') 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment.. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Diane: I agree you are stronger than your sibs. There is no doubt about that. You are stronger and you are better; better from a moral perspective. I wanted to work that into my last post to you. My thought was that look at all you have been through. When this is over, you will be one of the strongest people who can live to tell about it. You have character, courage and a heart filled with compassion. Plus, enough attitude to get you over the next hump. You can see how difficulties affect your brother. He caves, he blames you. When your sis hits some hard spots, she is going to get a huge wake up call. You will still be standing when the others are not. Hugs, Cat
Bobbie, Cricket, Cattails, Diane, Tbailey, You are saving my sanity. I keep rereading your posts. This means so much to me, that you would take the time and give me some really good insight to this mess. I do worry about having her see a counselor/therapist ( as much as she would probably enjoy the attention) because I am afraid she would be her angellic butterfly self and I'll come out looking like the bad guy. And, she is not able to remember what is said, so i'm not sure it would be all that educational for her. Anyways, I'll try to give you some backround, typing on my tablet because my mother comes into the computer room at will. Also, forgive me for not using paragraphs as this tablet is fickle. I have an older sister and an older brother that I idolized growing up. They were good to me but both left the state when I was about fourteen years old. I have stayed near mom and dad all my life except for four years when I moved with hubby's work. So I have been the one to do birthdays, holidays mothers and fathers days with the folks all these years. My sister tries to come to this continent at least once a year, twice when our father was fighting the lung cancer, to give me a break. My brother is disabled with back and knee and heart problems, so he has his own self to care for. Growing up my mom was sweet, and loving, but I can now see why I was such a shy child. She was overbearing and never let me speak, and kept me close to her apron strings. I'm not shy anymore, but I had to pretend to be someone else when I started my business and learned to be more outgoing. Anyway, she was always a bit kooky, never read much, but managed to manipulate my Dad into always lettig her have her way, even though he was the educated one. Ahead to two years ago when I lost my condo in san diego to a short sale ( we were upside down on the loan and hubby was still applying for disability benefits.) So we found this great apartment at the beach. Affordable on my income and a few months later hubby started recieving his disability income so we were free. Next thing I know, I am rearended in my work vehicle on the freeway onramp by a peterbuilt dumptruck. So my neck vertibrae are herniated and messed up so I can collect workers comp for a couple of months not working. So my dad calls to tell me his his lung cancer diagnosis. I drive up to see them, and dad looks so bad/weak, and mom cant drive very well and dad says mom forgets to feed him and he's afraid he won't make it if I leave. So I stay, and my husband visits us. Soon the workcomp docs decide I am ok to return to work. So my boss lets me take family leave not to worry. (no income though) Well after chemo and many problems, my father died at home under my care about nine months later. Mom was not capable at that time to deal with all the meds, meals bathing etc. So I promised my dad I wouldn't leave mom alone, she owns her 4 bedroom house free and clear, and I had a one bedroom apt at the beach. So we decided that I would stay here with her, and my husband moved with me here at moms. We help financially, not leeching. My dad knew my mom's mind was going, so who knew it would progress so fast. She has not been diagnosed, but her behavior is so typical of what I am reading. I called her doc today and he recommended another doc to check into it. Will she go? I don't know. The only other thing you should know is that I'm worried now thatI am the bad guy, that I won't have a place to live if she dies or even just flips out. I sold most belongings just to fit here. Gave up my life. Stupid? Loyal? Probably should have handled things differently. But, that's my story, so you can know my real situation. Any questions, ask away. Thanks and love you all for understanding, and sharing your wisdom. Onlyme
Only I am so sorry for what you are going through-you will get much support here and good ideas-I do not know if you have contacted social services that might be a good start and keep posting sometimes just getting your feelings out is good. Cuz -good to hear from you and get to laugh first thing in the morning.
So well here's the up date I have been sitting here watching my gf pass for last 5 hours.wow this is a lot harder than I thought I would take it but I realized the.care is.done.now I can be who she needs the most her partner on this her bf Will be in touch I still have a lot of road left ....good luck and god bless
So well here's the up date I have been sitting here watching my gf pass for last 5 hours.wow this is a lot harder than I thought I would take it but I realized the.care is.done.now I can be who she needs the most her partner on this her bf Will be in touch I still have a lot of road left ....good luck and god bless
Good Morning !!! CUZ needed that and wow true about cali lol Diane you sound better GLad to here Read Bobbies post about dementia Diane its hard on us newbies These ladys that have done gone through it is such a wake up call there advice is.. I feel for you my MIL had nothing My husband & I bought her home (which we sold later) when she had back surgery & wanted to get apartment so now she lives in my home. Like Only me and so many more when a parent gets sick You have to do what you have to do move into there house.. Then siblings think you chose this for your own good ....OH I cant stand half your siblings.lol keep coming back onlyme......
tim - i am so sorry for ur loss . big hugs to u and i dont even know who u are . i left when u came aboard . i lost my dad march 2nd , im all mess up , i can only imagin what ure going thru and i hope ure stronger than i am . god bless you tim . xoxo
Tim, I'm here for you too. Linda I really miss you girl! I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time grieving the loss of your Dad :(.. Keep in mind that you are probably also dealing with the fallout from long time Caregiving as well so be kind and nurturing to yourself. xoxo Cuz, thank you for the jokes!!
Here's my thoughts about feelings of resentment and anger towards siblings. Are they horrible, selfish, and sometimes down right evil? Of course they are. Can we change the fact that they are who they are? Of course not. Do we somehow make it right when we hold so much anger and contempt of them? No. Because it doesn't do anything to them. All these emotions are kept bottled up inside of us brewing and stewing and mostly having the affect of additional pain and misery that takes it's toll on our energy levels. Holding on to all that pain is like putting a weight around our necks.
The bottom line is very clear.. We are caring for our loved ones not because we are better in some way but simply because we CARE. If the sibs truly cared they would be the ones doing the job. The reasons a person cares has nothing to do with how much money they have, their education or their job or living situation. Just because someone who has very little gives up what others consider "nothing" doesn't make them moochers. It actually reminds me of the story of the widow giving her last two coins to help others. The teacher said.."she gave more than all the rest (those who gave a lot of money because they were wealthy) because she gave out of her need" So for those who gave up what little they had to come to the call to help another is giving up far more than those selfish sibs can even comprehend.
We do ourselves a great justice when we can let it go, forget about what others fail to do and just acknowledge to ourselves that they DON'T really care and we can't change them or how they feel. When we do this we stop having expectations of them and therefore we are no longer disappointed, hurt and angry. We separate ourselves from any dependency on these selfish people and the pain goes away.
The Sibs are full of criticism and judgement so lets not buy in to it and think that their is something wrong with us because we aren't perfect in their eyes. Lets not give a rats ass what they think. That's my two cents worth of thoughts on Sibs. *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Tim, you are a good pers.on. It is so hard to watch and you can't stop it from happening. I was with my dad when he passed, I'll always be glad for that. Sent him off with stories of fishing on his boat like we used to do, knee on the drivers seat, wind in his hair, dolphins jumping at our bow. I think it helped..Thanks to all of you on this site, I am so glad I found you. I will take the advise and check into social services, maybe they have something to offer. I've nearly spent my savings these last two years, and at my age I have no idea why any one would hire me if I could even hold a part time job. We'll see
Hello All, I am definitely new to this whole "taking care of mother" thing. Mama has definitely been high maintenance all my life (from an emptional perspective). I am an only child and adopted so I am all alone in this. My Mama is holding me hostage at the moment because she constantly makes me feel like I am being a bad daughter if I do not do exactly what she wants when she wants it. She had a bad bout at Christmas and then struggled for a couple of months and then in the hospital again. I had been telling her that with all the arthritis pain she had been in she needed to go to the hospital and get some relief from the pain which she finally had no choice but to do. They moved her to a rehabilitation facility which she said she hated and she was not sure why she was there! I live 800 miles from her and had to leave my job to go down and see about her. I told her that if they let her out of the rehab, she would have to move into a nursing home because she could not care for herself anymore. She said some of the worse things to me of her whole life and has been so mean to me that it has been hard to want to help her. She was able to go back to her home but with round the clock care that she could not afford. Gratefully she is feeling much better and does not have to have the care anymore but now she is running out of money for the future. Everytime I try to talk to her about the money she tells me that she "is not going to live much longer" as though the day she runs out of money she will drop dead! Now she is clammoring again for me to come and visit but made it a point to tell me that I could not "visit my friends the whole time" because she wanted me all to herself! Instead of taking that as a compliment, I am actually a little afraid. Not sure why I wrote all of this but it has made me feel a bit better having done it. I will keep reading your comments as I could certainly use some support.
Welcome to the thread Bayoubaby. It sounds like your Mothers plan might be to have you take over her full time care, but then I don't know her so I can't really say for sure. Whatever you do just know that you have friends here and we will listen and give you support. xoxo
Thanks Cricket! My mother lives next door to the house her father built and raised her siblings in. Her friends have been her friends since birth but that means that all of her local support system is 82! She has ALWAYS said that she NEVER wanted to leave town and wanted to go to a nursing home nearby but now she acts like she never used those words before. She even asked me if she could move in with us and I reminded her that she always said she never wanted to leave her friends and she agreed that it was best that way. She is so lucky and has been a good friend to others and she has many, many good friends so she really is better off where she is. She has been on a physical upswing for the past month but is starting downhill slowly again with very bad arthritis pain. I know that we will have to have the "nursing home" talk again soon. There is a beautiful one in town run by nuns that she has visited a friend at and said she loved but that was a couple of years ago and of course she has changed her tune now that she might have to go there. I appreciate all your support and I am happy to know that I am not alone in all of this!
Bayoubaby, What about assisted living? or a reverse mortgage to pay for live in care? Our parents have to take responsibility for their care as well. If they have the means then even though it's really hard to face the decisions have to be made. That is if they are capable of making them. If they aren't then we have to. That's a whole other topic for discussion.
Maybe when you go home you can arrange for a couple of the sisters to visit with your mom and you at your mom's house. Just tell them what the backstory is and that she wanted to be with them at one point and now is fighting it, etc etc and they can 'drop in' and if she acts out they won't freak.
Sorry that she gave you a dose of the bitters. It's the disease. Your mom is probably showing sign of Dementia and if you read back a few pages here there is some information concerning the understanding that things are no longer the way they were and that intervention is on the near horizon.
Keep coming back and we welcome you! Vent and Live!
Tim YOU and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.... Linda I hope you start feeling better soon too. Welcome bayobaby Yea sounds like if she gets you there she just might hold you hostage...lol Im like cricket I don't know your mother but, stick around YOU will get all the advice you need here alot of good people...Some people have alot of siblings but feel like only child because They are only child taking care of parent...
A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were: The short story had to contain the following three things: Religion Sexuality Mystery
Ya know the f d part is that i have had to watch her this whole process and its like you go through this and you fight just as hard as your SO and in the end the.family moves in and wants full control but I have.been in this care mode it actually took the hospice ppl to tell me role and its bf first where I have been caregivers first but to be honest I have no idea what the help I'm doing my brain is fried so I went home to regroup I found a person that's gonna buy our stuff so I can liquidate quick and start over so that was nice but it sucks to look around in my ppl less house and know that things are gonna change and I'm having to restart finances are shot luckly her family is well off so that helps but i don't know I'm kinda direction lost I'm just typing away going through my thoughts so if this makes no sense im sorry just venting love you guys and Ty for all your hugs and support good luck and god bless
Bayou-I sure hope the family is not trying to keep you away from Laura-I have a friend that had a gf and took her to treatments and was there for her and at the end her family came in and forced him away-she needs you there more than ever-I hopethat God gives you an extra measure of strength during this time-with me it was my husband who pushed me away during his last days-he would respond to everyone else but me-but I stuc around anyway-but it still hurts-but I have accepted that he wanted to punish me.
Wow, Tim. My heart just aches for you, and I'm at a loss for words. I've never experienced the pain you're experiencing and it makes my chest hurt to think about what you must be going through, so I can't even imagine how you feel. I wish I could reach out and hold your hand. The one thing that struck me as a parent though, is how you're going to liquidate quickly... is this the right time for that, or do you have a choice? The kids lose their mother (don't you have 2 kids?) - and then lose everything familiar to them... is the timing for liquidating now? Or maybe it the best timing?
I think the mnl might have another bladder infection? I went in the same stall bathroom for their was only one at this place n boy did her pee stanked. I told her she need to drink more water n she said, my pee don't stink. Something is wrong with your sniffer for that was aweful. It looked a bit cloudy too n I remember from last year that nasty smell n she had a bladder infection. I knew she had an appt to get lab n pee n a cup n x-ray to double check if that spot is still their in chest. Hopefully not. When she pee in the cup n of course she got it everywhere in bathroom n it smell just bad! Again, she said it didn't so I put the cup up close to her nose n said, take a sniff. Of couse she said maybe thats because it early in morning. No mam, more water. I told the lab lady too about the smell in the urine. Making mnl drink more water. We have a jug that filters the water n it pretty good. For me, I like just plain water. Hubby is the one that like to add stuff to his water. I only drink one soda a day n one cup of HOT coffee. Don't see how some of y'all can drink cold ice coffee, yuckie-poo! i keep my coffee hot n creamy... yummy....; ) I hope everyone has a great day as much as possible.
Hi crew, I took Dad to the Doc today and had to take him off some meds he wasn't responding to very well. Then while at the Doc I had to listen to him talk about the last time he had sex and the details of his orgasm, OH JOY. Need I say more? Just glad it's over and I realize what an emotional adjustment I need to make in my attitude when that happens or I won't last the duration. sighs. lildeb, hopefully the mil's bladder infection gets taken care of. Good luck getting her to drink water. You can add a little lime to her water, it's not acidic like lemon. Just an idea. Jen, how are you healing up and walking now? Diane, Have you been getting some sleep? How are you holding up under the stress? Judy, I truly believe you are an empath. Don't know if anyone has ever told you this but an empath is a person with the ability to feel others pain. It's a gift. Tim, I'm thinking of you and here to listen. Hang in there. Austin, what a horrible ordeal you went through with your husband shutting you out to punish you. I hope you have been able to work through that pain. Love you all, *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Judym, You r way better person than I could be for someone making that sound n even thought of pretended much less spitting a loogie, ah!!!! I guess he may have been one of the boys that love to spit loogies on little girls when he was little? Kids-gotta love them, parents-gottal love them. Hope you r enjoying your time with your daughter. ; ) Cattail, you doing okay? Bookworm, or should I say, "Ms. Speedy Octomom." What a freaking morning you have and every single freaking day? OMG!!! I think I would had to been stingy about the pay for sis n just paid the 80bucks. She only get more $$$ if she completed your list that u in order to give you a small break when u got back home from work. Ex: washing a load n fold clothes, dishes, vaccuming, etc. Something simple but is time consuming n that would help you get a small fraction of a break. I am with Cricket, tell your sis that the money is an incentive to do extra! Ms. Octomom, you r woman n some!!! I hope you have a nice day. ; )
Cuz, u crack me up, the 'real boobs n lets not forget the men grabbing their crotch all the time." what is up with that? Do they think it just may fall off somewhere n they have to double check for reassurance?
Onlyme, I just read your post and you have giving all you can give n some and you r NOT the bad guy however, they do know how to act right around certain people. Like Austin mention, try contacting a social service and see what they can do to try help.
Hi everybody, I am hoping everyone survived the day, I am less stressed out today, but all the kookiness continues. After rereading my last couple of posts, I notice that my thoughts were all over the place. Sorry. It was a rough few days, I am learning to not let her hurt my feelings. I found a dance/exercise class for her and she starts tomorrow morning. I am so happy and she will love it too. She could conceivably go as often as three times a week. Yes! It will do us both wonders for her to have someone else to yak at. Just having her out and away safely for a bit will give me a tiny bit of solitude and peace. Thank you to all of you caregivers who are going through very similar circumstances, for listening and understanding. Onlyme
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One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside
Cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,
And begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment..
For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.
California became a state
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically nothing has changed except then the women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands.
That, my friends, is the history lesson for today!
Will be in touch I still have a lot of road left ....good luck and god bless
Will be in touch I still have a lot of road left ....good luck and god bless
CUZ needed that and wow true about cali lol
Diane you sound better GLad to here Read Bobbies post about dementia Diane its hard on us newbies These ladys that have done gone through it is such a wake up call there advice is.. I feel for you my MIL had nothing My husband & I bought her home (which we sold later) when she had back surgery & wanted to get apartment so now she lives in my home. Like Only me and so many more when a parent gets sick You have to do what you have to do move into there house.. Then siblings think you chose this for your own good ....OH I cant stand half your siblings.lol
keep coming back onlyme......
Here's my thoughts about feelings of resentment and anger towards siblings. Are they horrible, selfish, and sometimes down right evil? Of course they are. Can we change the fact that they are who they are? Of course not. Do we somehow make it right when we hold so much anger and contempt of them? No. Because it doesn't do anything to them. All these emotions are kept bottled up inside of us brewing and stewing and mostly having the affect of additional pain and misery that takes it's toll on our energy levels. Holding on to all that pain is like putting a weight around our necks.
The bottom line is very clear.. We are caring for our loved ones not because we are better in some way but simply because we CARE. If the sibs truly cared they would be the ones doing the job. The reasons a person cares has nothing to do with how much money they have, their education or their job or living situation. Just because someone who has very little gives up what others consider "nothing" doesn't make them moochers. It actually reminds me of the story of the widow giving her last two coins to help others. The teacher said.."she gave more than all the rest (those who gave a lot of money because they were wealthy) because she gave out of her need" So for those who gave up what little they had to come to the call to help another is giving up far more than those selfish sibs can even comprehend.
We do ourselves a great justice when we can let it go, forget about what others fail to do and just acknowledge to ourselves that they DON'T really care and we can't change them or how they feel. When we do this we stop having expectations of them and therefore we are no longer disappointed, hurt and angry. We separate ourselves from any dependency on these selfish people and the pain goes away.
The Sibs are full of criticism and judgement so lets not buy in to it and think that their is something wrong with us because we aren't perfect in their eyes. Lets not give a rats ass what they think. That's my two cents worth of thoughts on Sibs.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Angels to you and Laura and all of your family there.
lovbob
I am definitely new to this whole "taking care of mother" thing. Mama has definitely been high maintenance all my life (from an emptional perspective). I am an only child and adopted so I am all alone in this. My Mama is holding me hostage at the moment because she constantly makes me feel like I am being a bad daughter if I do not do exactly what she wants when she wants it. She had a bad bout at Christmas and then struggled for a couple of months and then in the hospital again. I had been telling her that with all the arthritis pain she had been in she needed to go to the hospital and get some relief from the pain which she finally had no choice but to do. They moved her to a rehabilitation facility which she said she hated and she was not sure why she was there! I live 800 miles from her and had to leave my job to go down and see about her. I told her that if they let her out of the rehab, she would have to move into a nursing home because she could not care for herself anymore. She said some of the worse things to me of her whole life and has been so mean to me that it has been hard to want to help her. She was able to go back to her home but with round the clock care that she could not afford. Gratefully she is feeling much better and does not have to have the care anymore but now she is running out of money for the future. Everytime I try to talk to her about the money she tells me that she "is not going to live much longer" as though the day she runs out of money she will drop dead! Now she is clammoring again for me to come and visit but made it a point to tell me that I could not "visit my friends the whole time" because she wanted me all to herself! Instead of taking that as a compliment, I am actually a little afraid. Not sure why I wrote all of this but it has made me feel a bit better having done it. I will keep reading your comments as I could certainly use some support.
Maybe when you go home you can arrange for a couple of the sisters to visit with your mom and you at your mom's house. Just tell them what the backstory is and that she wanted to be with them at one point and now is fighting it, etc etc and they can 'drop in' and if she acts out they won't freak.
Sorry that she gave you a dose of the bitters. It's the disease. Your mom is probably showing sign of Dementia and if you read back a few pages here there is some information concerning the understanding that things are no longer the way they were and that intervention is on the near horizon.
Keep coming back and we welcome you! Vent and Live!
lovbob
Linda I hope you start feeling better soon too. Welcome bayobaby Yea sounds like if she gets you there she just might hold you hostage...lol Im like cricket I don't know your mother but, stick around YOU will get all the advice you need here alot of good people...Some people have alot of siblings but feel like only child because They are only child taking care of parent...
A college class was told they had to write a short story
in as few words as possible. The instructions were:
The short story had to contain the following three things:
Religion
Sexuality
Mystery
Below is the A+ short story in the entire class.
" Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it."
Bayoubaby: Welcome aboard and come back to chat more. You will get lots of support here.
Cuz: Thanks for the jokes.
Cattails
Agree with bobbie she laid it out clear....
Welcome newbies. vent away, these connections save lives literally!!!
lildeb, hopefully the mil's bladder infection gets taken care of. Good luck getting her to drink water. You can add a little lime to her water, it's not acidic like lemon. Just an idea.
Jen, how are you healing up and walking now?
Diane, Have you been getting some sleep? How are you holding up under the stress?
Judy, I truly believe you are an empath. Don't know if anyone has ever told you this but an empath is a person with the ability to feel others pain. It's a gift.
Tim, I'm thinking of you and here to listen. Hang in there.
Austin, what a horrible ordeal you went through with your husband shutting you out to punish you. I hope you have been able to work through that pain.
Love you all,
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Cattail, you doing okay?
Bookworm, or should I say, "Ms. Speedy Octomom." What a freaking morning you have and every single freaking day? OMG!!! I think I would had to been stingy about the pay for sis n just paid the 80bucks. She only get more $$$ if she completed your list that u in order to give you a small break when u got back home from work. Ex: washing a load n fold clothes, dishes, vaccuming, etc. Something simple but is time consuming n that would help you get a small fraction of a break.
I am with Cricket, tell your sis that the money is an incentive to do extra!
Ms. Octomom, you r woman n some!!! I hope you have a nice day. ; )
Onlyme, I just read your post and you have giving all you can give n some and you r NOT the bad guy however, they do know how to act right around certain people. Like Austin mention, try contacting a social service and see what they can do to try help.
Timbersherwood , you are in my prayers.