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Me too Rossella ... feeling weird tonight ... is it a full moon? I feel so tired of the daily battle, responsibilty with little help, trying to reach the medical world who have stupid phone systems ... Not knowing if I am doing my best for Dad?
our animals faithfully standing by for fun & affection when it is hard to find time for them ...
It's almost 5 PM here so I will cook him a good pasta dinner. Something he can chew & hope he doen't have a UTI.
I want to SCREAM!!!!! I know it isn;t poop soup, but she is driving me bonkers!!!! Mom is having hallucinations and she knows she is having them but she argues nonstop when she says something is there and I can't see it!!!! Then she swears she has "found" something in the house but the truth is, it's been in the house all along. Then I go to do something and she asks me about something in another part of the house as if it was where I was and why didn't I see it. I love my mom dearly, but I so need to talk to normal people. Lord forgive me for being so impatient.
Sorry to laugh again after Rossella's frustrations with her mom ... But you all deserve to be impatient!!!
How in the world can you cope? Does it seem like you are simply around to tend to fantasies? Geeeez ... how do you survive, DTFlex? Do you have any help? Does sanity exist?
No poop soup here either..here is a yucky one though (GRAPHIC) He used the toilet which is good, but leaves I don't now an outline of his genitals in pubic hairs and sweat on the toilet seat. If it wasn't so disgusting it would be funny...
Dear Dtflex and Rip, if I ever get the Alzheimer disease, after my mother, my uncle and aunt, my grand-grandmother, my grand-uncle (Few chances not to take it, isn'it?) I see myself, around 70-80 years of age, in a nursing home saying from morning to evening: "Where are my cats? I have to feed the cats! Nurse! Where are my cats? Where are you hiding them? I want my cats! They are hungry!" They will give me a fake cat to keep me quiet, I will throw the fake cat at their face and I will say: "This is not my cat! Do you think I am stupid? Give me my real cats!" The following day maybe will be different, because I will look for my dogs... The following day I will see cats and dogs in the room and of course they will not be there...
Jsomebody, when I have to do something very disagreable I half-close my eyes, so I see, but I do not see too well. I do the same thing when I see violent images on TV. It can help.
God bless all of you caregivers and he does he has many mansions for us in heaven and won't it be grand to be spirits floating around and our only JOB will be to glorify God until we get our new and healthy bodies to be free of all our cares and obligations I wish every one of you peace and quiet and no one calling their needs to you tonight and a peaceful sleep-you guys are so special to me and I will never forget your support and friendship during my dark days -I love you all-you kept me sane those years when I was a caregiver and now dealing with my Mom, Maxine
Rossella, Same here there are tons of cats for adoption and dogs too here in the USA. I hope the mom and the little girl take a new little kitten to replace the one that is sick and maybe going to Rainbowland soon.
PoopSoup....should be a song from Doctor Demento...remember his radio show with wierd old tunes?
DT...DRUGS AND MORE DRUGS...does you mom have a prescription for psych meds. You cannot and I emphasize do anything with these folks unless they are on PSYCH MEDS. You cannot reason with them and they will drive you INSANE.
For the past month I have been seeing a lot of posts even more desperate than mine when I joined this site a year ago. Seems people are desperate for answers and have no resources to look. The government should step up and take note of this. They KEEP spouting this in the news..that the babyboomers are being hit with these old folks living so long and no one know what to do with them. Pretty soon NH are going to be tough to find an opening..you watch...and that will open it up for money grubbers to start opening up more homes and with probably CRAPPY goings on! You watch! If the government is smart which it is not...cause usually it waits for something bad to happen before they do something, they would start addressing it now.
Rip - that was mighty nice of you to try Oprah. I know someone from this site was going to contact law makers in their state, but I don't know what happened with that. I just wonder if anyone from Oprah will contact you. Seems they only get involved if they want to make a MEDIA HIT...with sensationalism..or if something happened to them. But I bet Oprah can put her mom in a really really really FANCY RICH PEOPLE NH...but from what I just found on the net...she still has deep issues with mommy dearest...which I am sure we can all relate to...but cannot push away cause we are poor or middle class...
Dtflex, talk to your mom's doc. My mom's put her on an anti-psycotic and it has worked wonders. I know what you are dealing with and yes it will drive you insane. And, it wears them out I think. Hugs to you!!
Pirate, I agree, think it is inevitable, a larger and long lived aging population Baby Boomers, I am not one (39) are really gonna get hammered with it, the sandwich generation and all that, some looking after grandchildren AND caring for older relatives. It will be near pandemic, it really needs to be addressed on a national level truly. Something to invest it, respite care organizations stock will sore in the next ten years, but for only so long, not every-bodies 89 year old parent will see 99. No matter what The medicos try.
I have noticed that there are more and more assisted living facilities in my area. Like a lot. Many of them advertise on TV. And, I don't live in that large of a city.
I read the link about Oprah. It this is true, Oprah will stand by the side of the deadbeat brothers! She will think we are silly and we haven't understood anything about life. Maybe I would look for someone else. There is a very rich Italian singer. Some years ago, his grandmother said to the reporters that she had asked her grandchild to buy her a new pair of glasses because hers had got broken and she did not have the money to buy a new pair. Seems that the famous and rich Italian singer did not even reply to his grandmother! Blaaaaaah
RIP by all hell we matter, but no one seems to be doing anything. They yack away at it on talk shows, the news, and PBS specials, but no good answer is out there. Oh the poor 50 something working daughter that has to care for the elderly parents..boo hooo hoo...but that's about all they say. I can't tell you how many times people on this site...WELL THEIR YOUR PARENTS YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM...THEY TOOK CARE OF YOU AS A CHILD. Yeah but we weren't little mental freaks that cannot be managed and already had a life with baggage and possesions..yadda yadda yadda..all the stuff we know. You cannot compare a child with an aging adult...some things yes and most things NO. Those babies did not have siblings to contend with or lawyers or Adult services or mental issues and all the rest of the crap. This is like the folks that have children that have deep mental and physical issues...and yet they are helped by government programs....go figure the unbalance of it all. I think there should be a law for all parents to have to write a will and submit it to the government so everything is explained and detailed out before we have to get to this stage! That would tidy a lot of mess up before you get to it when they are still RATIONAL.
Let me say it again. Medical insurance for caregivers of loved ones. How many have quit their jobs to take care of a family member. Possibly saving the State thousands of dollars. How many women out there get medical insurance when they are low/no income and have babies. I rest my case.
Pirate, anyone that has not taken care of an elderly person like we have has no clue as to what we deal with. They can't know. And, if siblings come and stay for a week it's just not the same. I have not raised a child but I do know that with most children, they will grow up and learn to care for themselves. And the parent is the boss of them. It's so much different taking care of a parent or grandparent.
I think partly this only gets the pat on the back of talk shows and books about how to treat yourself to a home spa moment after wiping a parents backside because it so often IS women. You know women s work, more so woman's work inside the home, and you are right this is NOTHING like child care, children are small, must obey you and technically your property (till they are 15 when you both pretend you do not know each other).
It falls on women s laps and minds and so it is treated topically and vaguely, yes, were know you are tired, ma'am what with being worn out day and night and you get no help, but so what, woman's work was meant to be a drudge, now we will help your 75 year old father maintain an erection with medication but as for helping you in cleaning up the messes or getting government support or elder care leave from work....Tough...well you know you wipe it up daily.
"WELL THEIR YOUR PARENTS YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM...THEY TOOK CARE OF YOU AS A CHILD."
And if I ever have a cab driver say that to my grandfather again I will stop and get out of the cab. A. No he didn't and B.) I didn't shit my bed for four years running...
It's still a mans world and they still only think with and about their dicks! So what if we keel over taking care of the elders. I know that is a very cynical view, but just about how a feel tonight.
You're right Jen. This is an epidemic situation. The sad story is many wealthy people are building facilities for their own benefits rather than our parents. See Mercer Island Million Dollar Mansion. Old story.
Anyway, I agree it needs to be addressed on a national level.
I was so sorry the caring staff at my father's facility were afraid of the managment who seemed to be controlled by, corporate rich guys. Their jobs seemed to become political & financial rather than caring for our parents who enjopyed living there. Their newspaper half page ads are disgusting. Throwing five dollar bills in the air! Do you have any idea what a bus wrap costs? (busses driving around with billboards on them) THOUSANDS!
Screw the media presnetations & your stupid awards. Take care of of our parents who pay the huge rent for a crappy apartment, fancy lobbies, hallways & facadeas yet charge an escalated service charge like yogurt. The low paid staff need to keep their jobs.
A friend's mother had morning medical care, meds, dressing, etc. Friend asked if they would please open a carton of yogurt with morning meds. They calculated the charge to be $1 a day for provided food!
That seemed extreme. I wish the originall staff shared the original compassion. I guess it's true that money changes people.
mizunderstood10. I don't have children either but this is literally (aging) the reverse process of growing up and making strides, these ARE SET BACKS AND PLATEAUS. where things even put before the next loss of ability. People who don't do this have not got a clue, AND they are lucky. I have a friend who just dodged a bullet, Her husbands mother is in decline and wanted to move in with them and there three kids under 11. She stayed four days and went home and he has since reconsidered what he was asking ( asking of his wife of course, he had no intention of doing anything himself)...
Oh before I forget..(gotta get my butt of this computer order some Chicken Fettucini to go and drive to MOMMO's house so I can take care of the lawns etc)....Rosella and others re- BOOK WRITING. I have already started on my computer my hell with my mom and it grew into the hell that both parents threw at me by being the way they were. I also have a tape recorder with her earlier years rants at me - Her Narcisstic crazy rants that made me feel guilty to do everything for her. I had thought about writing this book and publishing this book. I know there are others out there with the same topic, but from what reviews I have read on Amazon, much of it is glossed over. What we and others like us is real books with real horror stories. Take for example the book "Walking on Eggshells" not from personal experience but others. It's time for a book to be written from the abused themselves not someone trying to make a buck on this subject on others heartfelt experiences.
Dtflex, you are right and the men have NO CLUE. Just wait until it is necessary for someone to take loving and caring care of them. Maybe then they will understand. Of course by then it will be too late. Hopefully they will be agreeable and thankful. OR, they will wish they had a loving relative to take care of them or to oversee their care.
I know. I was raised on MS. magazines and though I know nothing is right for everybody, it does seem for the most part this is a "Female Phenomenon" It is still world wide, most common, that women take on the role of care givers to their own families and others and often the husbands family. It isn't always so and some men do provide hands on care for their families but it does fall predominantly on women and is regarded as rightly so. And gets the support and funding one would expect of something related to women.
Well in my b/f's case he cringes about anything to do with my mom...such a slacker...his sister is back in Italy living with his mom...so I bet he washes his hands of any of the laborious stuff. I am waiting for my male cousin who had the big mouth well actually his f'n loud mouth g/f about my mom last year. Just wait till my mom's sister his mom goes into decline...love to see his f'n mouth then. Wonder if he will try to shove it on his loud mouth g/f.
Why do so many men think they need to do nothing? Oh wait. I think we discussed this. Pisses me right off, it does. It's seems to always be the wife. Even if it's the husband's parent. Sad...
gonna check out Million Dollar Mansion...I was born in Renton and lived in a trailer court and that whole area over there is unrecognizable to what it used to be before dot com money moved in
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I feel so tired of the daily battle, responsibilty with little help, trying to reach the medical world who have stupid phone systems ...
Not knowing if I am doing my best for Dad?
our animals faithfully standing by for fun & affection when it is hard to find time for them ...
It's almost 5 PM here so I will cook him a good pasta dinner. Something he can chew & hope he doen't have a UTI.
But you all deserve to be impatient!!!
How in the world can you cope?
Does it seem like you are simply around to tend to fantasies?
Geeeez ... how do you survive, DTFlex? Do you have any help?
Does sanity exist?
Please keep writing?
You NEED a break!
The following day maybe will be different, because I will look for my dogs...
The following day I will see cats and dogs in the room and of course they will not be there...
PoopSoup....should be a song from Doctor Demento...remember his radio show with wierd old tunes?
DT...DRUGS AND MORE DRUGS...does you mom have a prescription for psych meds. You cannot and I emphasize do anything with these folks unless they are on PSYCH MEDS. You cannot reason with them and they will drive you INSANE.
For the past month I have been seeing a lot of posts even more desperate than mine when I joined this site a year ago. Seems people are desperate for answers and have no resources to look. The government should step up and take note of this. They KEEP spouting this in the news..that the babyboomers are being hit with these old folks living so long and no one know what to do with them. Pretty soon NH are going to be tough to find an opening..you watch...and that will open it up for money grubbers to start opening up more homes and with probably CRAPPY goings on! You watch! If the government is smart which it is not...cause usually it waits for something bad to happen before they do something, they would start addressing it now.
Rip - that was mighty nice of you to try Oprah. I know someone from this site was going to contact law makers in their state, but I don't know what happened with that. I just wonder if anyone from Oprah will contact you. Seems they only get involved if they want to make a MEDIA HIT...with sensationalism..or if something happened to them. But I bet Oprah can put her mom in a really really really FANCY RICH PEOPLE NH...but from what I just found on the net...she still has deep issues with mommy dearest...which I am sure we can all relate to...but cannot push away cause we are poor or middle class...
miz
Who in the media do we contact?
20/20? PrimeTime? Dateline?
We aren't sensational but I think we matter.
Maybe I would look for someone else.
There is a very rich Italian singer. Some years ago, his grandmother said to the reporters that she had asked her grandchild to buy her a new pair of glasses because hers had got broken and she did not have the money to buy a new pair. Seems that the famous and rich Italian singer did not even reply to his grandmother! Blaaaaaah
It falls on women s laps and minds and so it is treated topically and vaguely, yes, were know you are tired, ma'am what with being worn out day and night and you get no help, but so what, woman's work was meant to be a drudge, now we will help your 75 year old father maintain an erection with medication but as for helping you in cleaning up the messes or getting government support or elder care leave from work....Tough...well you know you wipe it up daily.
And if I ever have a cab driver say that to my grandfather again I will stop and get out of the cab. A. No he didn't and B.) I didn't shit my bed for four years running...
It's still a mans world and they still only think with and about their dicks! So what if we keel over taking care of the elders. I know that is a very cynical view, but just about how a feel tonight.
This is an epidemic situation. The sad story is many wealthy people are building facilities for their own benefits rather than our parents.
See Mercer Island Million Dollar Mansion.
Old story.
Anyway, I agree it needs to be addressed on a national level.
I was so sorry the caring staff at my father's facility were afraid of the managment who seemed to be controlled by, corporate rich guys.
Their jobs seemed to become political & financial rather than caring for our parents who enjopyed living there.
Their newspaper half page ads are disgusting. Throwing five dollar bills in the air!
Do you have any idea what a bus wrap costs? (busses driving around with billboards on them)
THOUSANDS!
Screw the media presnetations & your stupid awards. Take care of of our parents who pay the huge rent for a crappy apartment, fancy lobbies, hallways & facadeas yet charge an escalated service charge like yogurt.
The low paid staff need to keep their jobs.
A friend's mother had morning medical care, meds, dressing, etc. Friend asked if they would please open a carton of yogurt with morning meds. They calculated the charge to be $1 a day for provided food!
That seemed extreme.
I wish the originall staff shared the original compassion.
I guess it's true that money changes people.
I don't have children either but this is literally (aging) the reverse process of growing up and making strides, these ARE SET BACKS AND PLATEAUS. where things even put before the next loss of ability. People who don't do this have not got a clue, AND they are lucky. I have a friend who just dodged a bullet, Her husbands mother is in decline and wanted to move in with them and there three kids under 11. She stayed four days and went home and he has since reconsidered what he was asking ( asking of his wife of course, he had no intention of doing anything himself)...