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Jen, sent you my old e-mail address. Try it! Well, today was a long day for sure and I have a gross story a la old school on this thread. Morning was the usual haul Mom out of bed and wash from head to toe. Then powder, deodorant and diaper time. Tough getting the meds in and the dentures too as she will not open her mouth when you tell her to. Breakfast was a challenge also, because of the mouth issue. I would get the spoon halfway into her mouth and she would clamp it shut before the food was all in. Soooooo squishy, gross food oozing down her chin and onto her clean clothes. Went to daycare with a few stains. Next it's getting the sweater and jacket on as she tries to take them off at the same time. Now it's down the 2 back steps with the wheelchair and a short backwards ride to the car. Her legs are long and she won't pick her feet up off the ground, or keep them on the foot plates that come with the chair. Next it's lift her off the chair and turn her onto the car seat. Of course she decides to stiffen up and not bend at the waist, AGAIN, so I have to push and pull and prod to get her into the car. We get to daycare and she won't get out of the car now! Finally 2 of the girls come out and she sees them and behaves perfectly! Of course! She has an audience and after all, she is only demented when around me!! Ha ha! The day goes well and it's time to get Mom. Again, wheeling her backwards so as not to breaK her foot. Then it's a major battle to get her to sit in the car again! I get her home and do the lifting from the car to the chair and back up the 3 steps into the house. Check her pants and all is well. Give her the 3:30 meds and wait to see if she perks up and becomes a bit coherent. Not going to happen today! Extra drool all afternoon and no open mouth come supper time. Trie feeding her several times in an hour time period, but no go and she is losing it! I decide to get her ready for bed before med time and get her into the bathroom. Found out why she was so agitated. Had a cow patty in her pants that I didn't see her sneak out or smell. Now, it's stuck to her pull-ups and I am trying to get her on the toilet without making a huge mess, but she decides to be uncooperative and starts pulling on the pants and grabbing everything in sight!!! Okay, picture this, Huge cow patty on the toilet seat, a print of this on her thigh, and Mom lying on her side on the floor with her a$$ in the wicker waste basket!! As I am cleaning up the mess, she is lying on her side and dusting the floor with her hands, as if she did it like that every day!!! So, I had to clean up the mess and get her to stand up so I could get her onto the toilet. Well, that worked out just great! Twisted my already hurting back! And all Mom had to say was "Are you crazy!!!!!!!!!" You see, she thinks we are all crazy and she is the sane one. Who knows, maybe she is!!! All I know is that after almost 5 years of this, I won't be the sane one!
Jsome and Mame- Thanks for welcoming me here!!! Dt- I love your profile picture, that's how i feel most days like i am pushed and pulled in every direction and i just want to take off running and screaming.... I hope you have a better day tomorrow!!! Deefer- My Lord you had a nightmare of a day. Please tell me your mom isn't like this everyday. If she is, please tell me you have some help with her. I am sorry that you had such a difficult time with her today. I guess you just don't know what some people have to go through when caring for a elder. My dad has cancer and can still get up and go to the bathroom on his own. Thank God. Cause if he was not able to do that i don't know what me and sister would do. We are short in height and my dad is tall, like 6' 3 and he weights 206. I just don't think we could handle him. So i will be praying that your mom does a little better with cooperating with you while you are trying to help her. ((Hugs)) Hey Book- How's the situation with your dad's eating and your mom's milk going? My dad loves his starches: rice, potatoes, pasta, bread. I just have to cook them to death for him to be able to swallow them otherwise he just can't get them down. He really likes stewed potatoes with onions in it with butter. If your dad likes potatoes and onions maybe you could try it and see if he likes that. Well i will chat with ya'll later. Hope ya'll have a good day tomorrow. Hugs stormy
Mame-- if the dress looks pretty, and you don’t feel selfconscious about it PLUS your husband already found a Matching tie – It’s a done deal! You can always concentrate on the accessory to make that red pop out. Diane –- don’t apologize about not being upbeat and chipper. We all go through the cycles. When the humor hits, you share it, we all laugh. When you’re down, we commiserate, encourage and give advice. But, it’s best to share whatever news you have so that others who have gone through it can give their experiences to help you. Deef – -When you were describing feeding your mom, the wheelchair incident (feet, car, rigidness –in getting in the car and even when inside the car – she’s tilting!) – I couldn’t believe it. We went through that with mom too! But there was 2 of us – father and I – and that was frustrating. You – by yourself! Now that is what I call PATIENCE with All capital letters. Stormy -– we’re still fighting over mom’s milk! I was able to get him Real Food for 2 dinners in a row, then he wanted her milk the next day’s dinner. He refuses the Nutrition drink that I bought at Kmart. Still struggling. Can’t really cook a real meal here. Our gas stove – when you turn it on, - the gas fume or vapor flares out like a nuclear bomb. It starts in the middle and then you see it flare really fast WIDE. Scary. I asked bro-of-next-door to see what’s wrong. He TELLS me to check the thingy (he named it but I don’t know what the heck that is or where it is) in the gas stove that needs adjusting. So, I said that since he knows what that thingy is maybe he can go inside and adjust it. He didn’t. This all happening on our front porch. Sigh…..Don’t know if you’re familiar with my family dynamics. But if you were there on my Pre-meltdown, I was venting about it. I sure don’t want to go down that road again. So instead of stressing about his non-action, I went and bought a small electrical one-burner stove.
Diane: I am trying to picture you drowning yourself. Holding your head down in the bathtub and fighting back with the other hand. Tell your mom (this is a silent statement, not to be said out loud) to fuck off. Just say it on the inside and you are not really saying it to your mom, you are saying it to this person who has overtaken your life and is not able to be your mom anymore. Go sit in your car and just yell, FO!!!!!!!!!! Let it out an be assured you have every right to do it.
After a bit of screaming obscenities, see if you can ask God to have mercy and give you the help you need. Please don't drown yourself or anything else that might be hurtful to you. You will just live to regret it.
I'm really pissed about the Medicaid app. I thought your attorney said that was not a problem. When does your mom's long term care policy end and just exactly what is it doing to help your current situation? There has to be a way for you to get a break.
Diane: Remember when you had that person come in to see if your mom would qualify for some help? I don't remember what the program was, but you got turned down because you were doing such a good job. Remember when we suggested that your doctor write a letter so you could show what a tremendous strain you had been under and how desperate you were?
Would you please consider doing this; getting the doctors letter and trying to get the program to reconsider. You have nothing to lose. Just do it.
Hey everyone, I'm up too late. It's almost 1:30am. Got to go to bed.
Diane, I love you and hope something good will come your way. Don't stop pushing. You have to do it.
Deefer-I thought getting my mom out was exhausting! (and it is!) but what you describe is sheer hell! I find I am more tired the days she goes to daycare and I am sure it is the stress of getting her there. I understand what you are going through and am sooooo sorry! Can you talk to the ppl at the daycare and have someone come out with you everytime you get there and leave so she will at least be good for those transitions for them? I know the daycares are staffed with a ton of ppl but maybe they could help you. I always get in the car after dropping her off and take a huge deep breath and heavy sigh...one day-I just let myself fall over into the passenger seat and layed there! Winter is coming and with it snow, I don't know how I am going to do it. My bro found a website for veterans that he thinks takes care of spouses of vets and have affordable transportation so I need to look into that. It is just sooooo much work to get her anywhere and I see it is even more work for you. Was your dad a vet? If I find out anything good-I will let you know. Dtflex-please hang on! We are here for you and all praying/sending positive energy for you and your situation. My question is this-what is the Long Term Care insurance for? Can't it help for now till it runs out and then medicaid can kick in? I am confused about the insurance situation. Why pay onto LTC for all those years and not get any help??? You need answers and help! Like Cat-I remember the ppl coming to your house and saying you are taking good care of her...show them a bad day!!! Show them your raw nerves! There has to be a way to get help or get her into a home-keep pushing! I know you probably don't have the energy-but please keep trying. You are worth it. We all love you here and want to see you keep keepin on! Jsomebody-Muzak! haha-hate it tooooo! You treat fp better than he deserves-and keep yourself safe from him at the same time... We do what we have to do!
Yesterday, I tried really hard not to fall to the bottom of the well...After my moments of happiness about the dress and typing to all of you-mom had the great diahrea! My favorite! NOT! As I was cleaning her up, I kept thinking that I always pay for a little bit of happiness.... It started to really get me down and angry but I resisted the urge and tried to shake it off. Later she was having stomach pains and headache, I am thinking she may have picked up a bug. We will see if she goes to daycare today! Well everyone-stay afloat!!! Head above water!!!! Love to all! Mame
Thank all you ladys for support Ive needed it Ive looked around on other forums to see if i can find one where wemon are leaving there husbands or anything I am a caregiver though & you are my friends... UPDATE on my crazy life yesterday I went to dr. She laughed out loud when I told her about my husband saying I was bi polar and he thought i was un safe for my own good she said when she see's people like me after leaving there symptoms are chronic pain deppresion stomach problems and more or less described what i have been feeling for at least last 6 months she said DONT GO BACK and I want to see you in 3 months come back in here feeling alive and loving yourself. Then she proceeds to tell me she seen me slipping for the last year her being my MIL family DR. she said why did you do it? I told her I thought I did it for my mom who had cancer and passed and thought it was only right to be there for husband when MIL needed him she said well where has your husband been for last year when you dragged her in here or called me ...I said well & she said Dont answer that and GET Strong. Love yourself...She dont recommend people caring for alzheimer but, when family decides to she gives them a shot and ussally there in a nursing home with in 3 months... He just wont quit though he is being nasty now and msg. me on fb saying well if you wont come over and take care of me Ill go find another whore who will WOW I love those msg. Just reminds me why I left. SIL calls me last night about how MIL is going to NH on Monday. Im sure he will have extra time on his hands then to make my life hell please keep me in your prayers he has his 2 face on for his family & our kids but kids are seeing right through it My daughter called last night talking to me about how she has to get out of there and she cant stand him or people he has coming to help with his mom & she is soooo sorry for being mean to me and she understands why I said some things I said when I said them but no more I have kept my mouth shut and not even mentioned him around my kids...love you all THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
Tbailey-Sooooo happy the Doc validated your feelings and all you are going through and took away any doubts your hubby may have tried to plant!!!! Hoooray!!!! Sounds like you have done everything to make things work in your family...and it sounds like now you see you can't do it all alone...and if hubby can't see all you have tried he doesn't deserve you!!! You deserve a happy and safe life. You deserve a spouse who will work with you and understand you-not accuse you of some disorder. I hope he doesn't try and make your life hell-be strong! Is there a way to keep him from posting to your Facebook? He has lost control of his life and may say some hateful things-know that is his problem and not yours!!! Stay far away if you can. MAYBE someday he will look back and see how nasty he was...and maybe not...but again-that is his problem. Keep movin on girl!!! Mame
Thank you BOBBIE If it wasnt for you I wouldnt have this support.. YOU are my hero.. & Mame I just had to deactivate my acct from facebook he has a business acct kinda to pedal and so he kinda keeps his clean but he has been msg. me on there and ugh I don't know why I let him treat me that way for as long as I did & I still love him or who he once was and all but hopefully get my drivers lisence ( have to pay fine & reinstate because hubby didnt do it like he said) & then get a job... That will help i have friends and family but really cant vent to no one but you girls cause right now I trust very few or just being private.. love u all...
Tbailey: Blessings to your doctor. How perfect that she has a history with you and your MIL and can give her perspective on the situation. I'm so happy she could validate your feelings and was good enough to be straight upfront with you.
I agree, stay away from hubby and his hateful comments. Hope you get your license soon and get that job you need.
I'm so grateful you have your cousin. Sounds like your daughter is learning. You keep taking those positive steps to build a life that makes you happy.
Justmek, We know. It sux and you are probably at the end of your rope. Keep coming back and Vent and Live. We're here and most of us have either been through it, are coping with it now or are like me and dealing with the aftermath.
I still advocate either 24/7 home care or placement of some kind. Know that you cannot do this alone and anyone who tells you differently is an idiot.
Kritini, Can you get time to do homework at the college library? Alaska is too cold for me. Cat, you have to laugh at my situation because it is a mess. I don't mind or I wouldn't had put it on here for everyone to read. It is a bit personal but hey, it goes where ever I go just like the mnl. ; ) I guess when I get brave enough I will set-up that appt for my personal roids for I have the okay with Piedmont Transplant Center. Well, at least the mnl isn't complaining about her past bottom. UI can thank one of my guardian angles from yesterday for It was around 8pm n got mnl meds ready then my dog. Yes, he takes seizure meds n I had forgotten that I had just check my sugar n it was 64 so I am going on getting stuff done n setting a timer for me to take my meds later for its to be 12 hrs apart. The next thing I notice, I feel terrible, can hear my heart beating,sweating like a stuck pig, n my mouth started to feel numb. I check my sugar n it a low 36! I forgot to treat it.. Crap! I yell at hubby I need some juice n he understood. It took almost 2 hrs get it back to normal. It should had not dropped in first place. My carb ratio might have to be adjusted. You get these bad headaches afterwards n its my own fault not treating it in first place. ug! I guess I may have killed a few brain cells from what I have left. I am back kicking n strong except the stress. It must be the changing weather?
I hear ya Jen didnt back in old days you took over the parents big house and they like took the shack in back and helped you out & no modern medicine so they kinda lived long but didnt seem like they expected as much as these parents now or wait maybe I seen that bullshit on a amish book I read once about how they live. Also I love your post keep them coming trust me they make me smile everytime and say a small prayer for your sanity love it Justmet oh lord IM laying here and reading well my 10 year old has lived with a nutty granny 4 a year read your post and laughed out loud and said give that poor thing a hug.....lol HUGS!!!! She is a old soul helped more than anyone when when I was home caring for MIL .....I apologize alot for even having her there cause she is like mommy too big of a heart. Love u all.......Hope everyone has good evening and no crazziness...
Deef: I'm sorry I didn't send you a shout out. (Hate that expression) I don't know how you keep going. Do you still have Marie to help? Does your mom's long term care help with that? I'm just wondering why Diane seems to get so little benefit from her mom's long term care policy. I guess they are all different, but any light you can shed might be helpful.
Hang in there Deef. Sending you love and white light. Cat
A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride to be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?"
"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding he died as we were checking into our honey moon hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."
"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.
"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
Hi Justmek, I’m so sorry that you’re going through the “poopy” stage. That’s My term for what my father’s going thru. I think he didn’t last long enough on the “urine” stage where he wets the bed all the time. Two nights ago, as I was putting on the good waterproof pad under him, my gut told me that he was going to soil it tomorrow morning. Sure enough, 4am onThursday, I Smelled It. I did my best Not to do my usual reaction to this Poopy stage. I tend to shut down and just stand there staring, just wanting to walk out and say I quit! and really, really Not wanting to even go Near it. Sigh…He is soooo fortunate that I work and have No Time for Shut Downs. (Justmek, my reaction to his poop was sooo extreme, I thought I must have had a childhood trauma having to do with poop and that’s why I keep shutting down. Fortunately, Everyone here said it’s NORMAL reaction!) So, I just wanted you to know – I know just how you feel!
Have you tried calling around for programs that can help you with your mom? My mom and father have meals-on-wheels from Mon-Fridays. We also have caregivers come Mon-Friday to sponge bathe my 2 bedridden parents – 4 washings per person a week. I’ve been a caregiver for about 23 years I’ve only twice sponge bathe my mom in this whole time. They are also on a Caregiver’s Respite program (which I’m their client) who gives me $90 for supplies (pampers, wipes, etc..) and $60.00 for Me (I chose the credit card to be used at the mall- no expiration date on the credit card) All these were done by my father before his stroke. When he found out that mom had Alzheimer, he retired (did not assume that us kids would care for her) and started making phone calls. The sponge bathing was suppose to be only once a week. He fought for twice a week. Then, for more. Now we have 4 times a week. I hope this helps you or gives you an idea. Also, when making calls, it doesn’t hurt to ask the person if they recommend another place for you to call (other programs.)
Hi everyone. I hope all of you are doing ok today. Yesterday, me and my husband had to go to a parent/teacher conference for our little boy, named Connor. He is 5 yrs old. He will be 6 in november. So this is his first year at school (kindergarten). The teacher said that he was doing really good in all the aspects and subject matters of school. So my husband and i were really pleased about that. My little boy, Connor has this little girl in his class and he has a crush on her, I can say her name and he just starts smiling from ear to ear. Even if he is mad at me or his dad about something all i have to do is say this little girls name and i can turn that frown into a smile. I think it is so cute!!!! Well we were on our way to the school and Connor tells his dad, Mattie lives down that street. Hubby's response was, Well you're just the little stalker aren't you? Picking with connor. I started laughing and i told hubby, I told him where mattie lived at. It was funny. Oh well i guess it is time to head over to dads and get the day started and hopefully it will go by fast today. Love and hugs to all. Stormy
Oh Stormy-enjoy these days with your little boy! He sounds adorable! Book-you sound like you got some good help in there! I really have to start looking around more. I tried this one service and had bad luck-mom was a little more care than they could give-but didn't give that impression in the first place...so for now it is just day care 2 half days a week-when she will go. She didn't go yesterday and I guess I am glad cause one of the brothers stopped in. I am glad she had a few minutes with him...even if I did have to keep reminding her that he had come. She reacted happily each time I reminded her. Tomorrow I get to go see my son at college play football! I can see how the injury from 2 weeks ago has healed. He go the stitches out Wed. He sent us a picture and it doesn't look so great. I hope it doesn't get opened up again! I would have quit the game by now-with all the injuries! Mom was so cute-I try get her prepared that I am going away on Saturday (long drive to college games) and she asks over and over who will stay with her... last night she just said-well, I know you will take care of gettin someone to be here with me. And that was all! I love the trust. In her crazy mind, at least there is that. I hope everyone can get a moment to themselves this weekend. Football season I set up a schedule for the sibs to sign up for a Saturday. It is like pulling teeth with some but so far so good. Once football season ends-they stop-like I would have no other reason in the world to want to get away on a Saturday besides Football! Clueless. Trying to think happy thoughts and enjoy the time I do have away! Deep breath! Ok, anyway-hope everyone gets thru the weekend alright! Love that you are all here for me!!!!! Mame
Hi everyone, Welcome to all the new ones here. It's nice to have a safe place to come to vent! Tbailey, Good for you! Sounds like your Doctor had just the right words for you :) You know if you want to be able to stay on FB you can remove your husband from your friends list (boot him) and change your settings to "friends only" and he would not be able to post to you. If he sends you a message you just delete it. But hey you do what works best for you. Getting away from your Husband has probably been the best thing you could have done for yourself. There is nothing worse than giving your power away to someone else and good for you for taking it back, you rock!! Deef, the last long post you made describing your day with Mom should be on the poster board for those considering caregiving! Diane, your posts describing your experiences could be put on that same poster board! I have only been checking in here every few days since putting up the Facebook private group for us. I really like it because it's fun being able to post positive links and pictures and still chat and vent if we need to. I will be leaving in 9 days for my trip to Cali (can't wait) and will be back Nov. 1st for my Husband's Birthday. I've just about have everything setup for when I leave. Around the middle of November I will talk with Bobbie and perhaps we will setup a Pajama Party webinar event so we can all chat live and have some fun! For the new ones here if you want to get invited to the FB group Caregiver's Connect just let others here know and anyone in the group can invite you.
Dad update: He's forgotten the Hugh Hefner robe routine for now and there's been no more razor cutting incidents. Now he's eating constantly and leaving food prints all over the kitchen. This morning I went to get a spoon for my tea and found his morning cereal in with the utensils, things spilled all over in the frig. and nothing had the lids put back on, LOL I am grateful for everyday that I don't have to deal with urine or poop! I daily count my blessings. After seeing how bad it gets through the eyes and experiences of those of you here, combined with my own experience, I am pretty sure when I get to the point where caring for Dad means sacrificing any life of my own, I will be looking for outside care. Life is to short and I would never ask or expect my children to give up their lives for mine so I don't think my Dad should expect any more from me. And if he does, well then he will have to adjust his thinking or adjust to the change. I will always be attentive to him and his needs and let him know I love him but I won't be a martyr. I value my own well being and sanity to much for that. But until that day comes I continue to do the best I can and so far it is good enough. Being a member on this thread has really helped me to face this issue before it happens so I am prepared. Understand that this is just the decision I have made for myself and I wouldn't even think to tell anyone else how to decide for themselves. It's all to personal, but I really felt like sharing my feelings. Thanks for listening. Love to every one of you. *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Hi, i've only commented on this site a couple times, but I lurk and read every day. I am totally immersed in caregiving to my mom who is 103 and going strong. I used to belong to Ted's board---by the way, how is he doing? I'd like to be involved on your Facebook page, if you'll have me.
Best Board on here with are Hero leader Bobbie... Wow 103 How long has she needed the full care? Sorry Just A nib shit I am.. The girls just told while back info on fb page Hope they relist it again I know its a group & you have to be accepted I think at that time I was immersed in caregiving my MIL with NO help & a ASShole for a husband & just left the situation... Speaking of that My daughter 21 that has been moving back home through all this had asked me to come help her pack up her apartment today and so I did then it came a storm and so the lady at the complex told her she could wait till Monday Well her dad was suppose to come get stuff when we were done I at that time was going to take advantage to grab some more needs from the hell house & so as we load her car with as much as we can her dad calls & informs us MIL moving in NH today. YEA good ole me Gave her her shower got her all dressed up and we sat & talked whole time her asking 50x where am I going I didnt know what to say I just said well all I know somewhere w your daughter then my daughter said mom they have told her. SIL gets there says mom u remb. your new little apartment... YES ladies she is telling her she is taking her to her lil apartment Wonder how that goes ...Fill you in later Love u all!!!!
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Well, today was a long day for sure and I have a gross story a la old school on this thread.
Morning was the usual haul Mom out of bed and wash from head to toe. Then powder, deodorant and diaper time. Tough getting the meds in and the dentures too as she will not open her mouth when you tell her to. Breakfast was a challenge also, because of the mouth issue. I would get the spoon halfway into her mouth and she would clamp it shut before the food was all in. Soooooo squishy, gross food oozing down her chin and onto her clean clothes. Went to daycare with a few stains. Next it's getting the sweater and jacket on as she tries to take them off at the same time. Now it's down the 2 back steps with the wheelchair and a short backwards ride to the car. Her legs are long and she won't pick her feet up off the ground, or keep them on the foot plates that come with the chair. Next it's lift her off the chair and turn her onto the car seat. Of course she decides to stiffen up and not bend at the waist, AGAIN, so I have to push and pull and prod to get her into the car. We get to daycare and she won't get out of the car now! Finally 2 of the girls come out and she sees them and behaves perfectly! Of course! She has an audience and after all, she is only demented when around me!! Ha ha!
The day goes well and it's time to get Mom. Again, wheeling her backwards so as not to breaK her foot. Then it's a major battle to get her to sit in the car again! I get her home and do the lifting from the car to the chair and back up the 3 steps into the house. Check her pants and all is well. Give her the 3:30 meds and wait to see if she perks up and becomes a bit coherent. Not going to happen today! Extra drool all afternoon and no open mouth come supper time. Trie feeding her several times in an hour time period, but no go and she is losing it! I decide to get her ready for bed before med time and get her into the bathroom.
Found out why she was so agitated. Had a cow patty in her pants that I didn't see her sneak out or smell. Now, it's stuck to her pull-ups and I am trying to get her on the toilet without making a huge mess, but she decides to be uncooperative and starts pulling on the pants and grabbing everything in sight!!! Okay, picture this, Huge cow patty on the toilet seat, a print of this on her thigh, and Mom lying on her side on the floor with her a$$ in the wicker waste basket!! As I am cleaning up the mess, she is lying on her side and dusting the floor with her hands, as if she did it like that every day!!! So, I had to clean up the mess and get her to stand up so I could get her onto the toilet. Well, that worked out just great! Twisted my already hurting back! And all Mom had to say was "Are you crazy!!!!!!!!!" You see, she thinks we are all crazy and she is the sane one. Who knows, maybe she is!!! All I know is that after almost 5 years of this, I won't be the sane one!
Dt- I love your profile picture, that's how i feel most days like i am pushed and pulled in every direction and i just want to take off running and screaming.... I hope you have a better day tomorrow!!!
Deefer- My Lord you had a nightmare of a day. Please tell me your mom isn't like this everyday. If she is, please tell me you have some help with her. I am sorry that you had such a difficult time with her today. I guess you just don't know what some people have to go through when caring for a elder. My dad has cancer and can still get up and go to the bathroom on his own. Thank God. Cause if he was not able to do that i don't know what me and sister would do. We are short in height and my dad is tall, like 6' 3 and he weights 206. I just don't think we could handle him. So i will be praying that your mom does a little better with cooperating with you while you are trying to help her. ((Hugs))
Hey Book- How's the situation with your dad's eating and your mom's milk going? My dad loves his starches: rice, potatoes, pasta, bread. I just have to cook them to death for him to be able to swallow them otherwise he just can't get them down. He really likes stewed potatoes with onions in it with butter. If your dad likes potatoes and onions maybe you could try it and see if he likes that. Well i will chat with ya'll later. Hope ya'll have a good day tomorrow. Hugs stormy
Diane –- don’t apologize about not being upbeat and chipper. We all go through the cycles. When the humor hits, you share it, we all laugh. When you’re down, we commiserate, encourage and give advice. But, it’s best to share whatever news you have so that others who have gone through it can give their experiences to help you.
Deef – -When you were describing feeding your mom, the wheelchair incident (feet, car, rigidness –in getting in the car and even when inside the car – she’s tilting!) – I couldn’t believe it. We went through that with mom too! But there was 2 of us – father and I – and that was frustrating. You – by yourself! Now that is what I call PATIENCE with All capital letters.
Stormy -– we’re still fighting over mom’s milk! I was able to get him Real Food for 2 dinners in a row, then he wanted her milk the next day’s dinner. He refuses the Nutrition drink that I bought at Kmart. Still struggling. Can’t really cook a real meal here. Our gas stove – when you turn it on, - the gas fume or vapor flares out like a nuclear bomb. It starts in the middle and then you see it flare really fast WIDE. Scary. I asked bro-of-next-door to see what’s wrong. He TELLS me to check the thingy (he named it but I don’t know what the heck that is or where it is) in the gas stove that needs adjusting. So, I said that since he knows what that thingy is maybe he can go inside and adjust it. He didn’t. This all happening on our front porch. Sigh…..Don’t know if you’re familiar with my family dynamics. But if you were there on my Pre-meltdown, I was venting about it. I sure don’t want to go down that road again. So instead of stressing about his non-action, I went and bought a small electrical one-burner stove.
After a bit of screaming obscenities, see if you can ask God to have mercy and give you the help you need. Please don't drown yourself or anything else that might be hurtful to you. You will just live to regret it.
I'm really pissed about the Medicaid app. I thought your attorney said that was not a problem. When does your mom's long term care policy end and just exactly what is it doing to help your current situation? There has to be a way for you to get a break.
Diane: Remember when you had that person come in to see if your mom would qualify for some help? I don't remember what the program was, but you got turned down because you were doing such a good job. Remember when we suggested that your doctor write a letter so you could show what a tremendous strain you had been under and how desperate you were?
Would you please consider doing this; getting the doctors letter and trying to get the program to reconsider. You have nothing to lose. Just do it.
Hey everyone, I'm up too late. It's almost 1:30am. Got to go to bed.
Diane, I love you and hope something good will come your way. Don't stop pushing. You have to do it.
Love and white light, Cat
Dtflex-please hang on! We are here for you and all praying/sending positive energy for you and your situation. My question is this-what is the Long Term Care insurance for? Can't it help for now till it runs out and then medicaid can kick in? I am confused about the insurance situation. Why pay onto LTC for all those years and not get any help??? You need answers and help! Like Cat-I remember the ppl coming to your house and saying you are taking good care of her...show them a bad day!!! Show them your raw nerves! There has to be a way to get help or get her into a home-keep pushing! I know you probably don't have the energy-but please keep trying. You are worth it. We all love you here and want to see you keep keepin on!
Jsomebody-Muzak! haha-hate it tooooo! You treat fp better than he deserves-and keep yourself safe from him at the same time... We do what we have to do!
Yesterday, I tried really hard not to fall to the bottom of the well...After my moments of happiness about the dress and typing to all of you-mom had the great diahrea! My favorite! NOT! As I was cleaning her up, I kept thinking that I always pay for a little bit of happiness.... It started to really get me down and angry but I resisted the urge and tried to shake it off. Later she was having stomach pains and headache, I am thinking she may have picked up a bug. We will see if she goes to daycare today!
Well everyone-stay afloat!!! Head above water!!!! Love to all! Mame
He just wont quit though he is being nasty now and msg. me on fb saying well if you wont come over and take care of me Ill go find another whore who will WOW I love those msg. Just reminds me why I left. SIL calls me last night about how MIL is going to NH on Monday. Im sure he will have extra time on his hands then to make my life hell please keep me in your prayers he has his 2 face on for his family & our kids but kids are seeing right through it My daughter called last night talking to me about how she has to get out of there and she cant stand him or people he has coming to help with his mom & she is soooo sorry for being mean to me and she understands why I said some things I said when I said them but no more I have kept my mouth shut and not even mentioned him around my kids...love you all THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
tbailey, you are my hero.
lovbob
Mame
I agree, stay away from hubby and his hateful comments. Hope you get your license soon and get that job you need.
I'm so grateful you have your cousin. Sounds like your daughter is learning. You keep taking those positive steps to build a life that makes you happy.
Love and Hugs, Cat
We know. It sux and you are probably at the end of your rope. Keep coming back and Vent and Live. We're here and most of us have either been through it, are coping with it now or are like me and dealing with the aftermath.
I still advocate either 24/7 home care or placement of some kind. Know that you cannot do this alone and anyone who tells you differently is an idiot.
lovbob
Cat, you have to laugh at my situation because it is a mess. I don't mind or I wouldn't had put it on here for everyone to read. It is a bit personal but hey, it goes where ever I go just like the mnl. ; ) I guess when I get brave enough I will set-up that appt for my personal roids for I have the okay with Piedmont Transplant Center. Well, at least the mnl isn't complaining about her past bottom. UI can thank one of my guardian angles from yesterday for It was around 8pm n got mnl meds ready then my dog. Yes, he takes seizure meds n I had forgotten that I had just check my sugar n it was 64 so I am going on getting stuff done n setting a timer for me to take my meds later for its to be 12 hrs apart. The next thing I notice, I feel terrible, can hear my heart beating,sweating like a stuck pig, n my mouth started to feel numb. I check my sugar n it a low 36! I forgot to treat it.. Crap! I yell at hubby I need some juice n he understood. It took almost 2 hrs get it back to normal. It should had not dropped in first place. My carb ratio might have to be adjusted. You get these bad headaches afterwards n its my own fault not treating it in first place. ug! I guess I may have killed a few brain cells from what I have left. I am back kicking n strong except the stress. It must be the changing weather?
Justmet oh lord IM laying here and reading well my 10 year old has lived with a nutty granny 4 a year read your post and laughed out loud and said give that poor thing a hug.....lol HUGS!!!! She is a old soul helped more than anyone when when I was home caring for MIL .....I apologize alot for even having her there cause she is like mommy too big of a heart. Love u all.......Hope everyone has good evening and no crazziness...
Hang in there Deef. Sending you love and white light. Cat
"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride to be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?"
"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding he died as we were checking into our honey moon hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."
"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.
"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
Have you tried calling around for programs that can help you with your mom? My mom and father have meals-on-wheels from Mon-Fridays. We also have caregivers come Mon-Friday to sponge bathe my 2 bedridden parents – 4 washings per person a week. I’ve been a caregiver for about 23 years I’ve only twice sponge bathe my mom in this whole time. They are also on a Caregiver’s Respite program (which I’m their client) who gives me $90 for supplies (pampers, wipes, etc..) and $60.00 for Me (I chose the credit card to be used at the mall- no expiration date on the credit card) All these were done by my father before his stroke. When he found out that mom had Alzheimer, he retired (did not assume that us kids would care for her) and started making phone calls. The sponge bathing was suppose to be only once a week. He fought for twice a week. Then, for more. Now we have 4 times a week. I hope this helps you or gives you an idea. Also, when making calls, it doesn’t hurt to ask the person if they recommend another place for you to call (other programs.)
The teacher said that he was doing really good in all the aspects and subject matters of school. So my husband and i were really pleased about that. My little boy, Connor has this little girl in his class and he has a crush on her, I can say her name and he just starts smiling from ear to ear. Even if he is mad at me or his dad about something all i have to do is say this little girls name and i can turn that frown into a smile. I think it is so cute!!!! Well we were on our way to the school and Connor tells his dad, Mattie lives down that street. Hubby's response was, Well you're just the little stalker aren't you? Picking with connor. I started laughing and i told hubby, I told him where mattie lived at. It was funny. Oh well i guess it is time to head over to dads and get the day started and hopefully it will go by fast today. Love and hugs to all. Stormy
Book-you sound like you got some good help in there! I really have to start looking around more. I tried this one service and had bad luck-mom was a little more care than they could give-but didn't give that impression in the first place...so for now it is just day care 2 half days a week-when she will go. She didn't go yesterday and I guess I am glad cause one of the brothers stopped in. I am glad she had a few minutes with him...even if I did have to keep reminding her that he had come. She reacted happily each time I reminded her.
Tomorrow I get to go see my son at college play football! I can see how the injury from 2 weeks ago has healed. He go the stitches out Wed. He sent us a picture and it doesn't look so great. I hope it doesn't get opened up again! I would have quit the game by now-with all the injuries! Mom was so cute-I try get her prepared that I am going away on Saturday (long drive to college games) and she asks over and over who will stay with her... last night she just said-well, I know you will take care of gettin someone to be here with me. And that was all! I love the trust. In her crazy mind, at least there is that.
I hope everyone can get a moment to themselves this weekend. Football season I set up a schedule for the sibs to sign up for a Saturday. It is like pulling teeth with some but so far so good. Once football season ends-they stop-like I would have no other reason in the world to want to get away on a Saturday besides Football! Clueless. Trying to think happy thoughts and enjoy the time I do have away! Deep breath! Ok, anyway-hope everyone gets thru the weekend alright! Love that you are all here for me!!!!! Mame
Tbailey, Good for you! Sounds like your Doctor had just the right words for you :) You know if you want to be able to stay on FB you can remove your husband from your friends list (boot him) and change your settings to "friends only" and he would not be able to post to you. If he sends you a message you just delete it. But hey you do what works best for you. Getting away from your Husband has probably been the best thing you could have done for yourself. There is nothing worse than giving your power away to someone else and good for you for taking it back, you rock!!
Deef, the last long post you made describing your day with Mom should be on the poster board for those considering caregiving!
Diane, your posts describing your experiences could be put on that same poster board!
I have only been checking in here every few days since putting up the Facebook private group for us. I really like it because it's fun being able to post positive links and pictures and still chat and vent if we need to. I will be leaving in 9 days for my trip to Cali (can't wait) and will be back Nov. 1st for my Husband's Birthday. I've just about have everything setup for when I leave. Around the middle of November I will talk with Bobbie and perhaps we will setup a Pajama Party webinar event so we can all chat live and have some fun! For the new ones here if you want to get invited to the FB group Caregiver's Connect just let others here know and anyone in the group can invite you.
Dad update: He's forgotten the Hugh Hefner robe routine for now and there's been no more razor cutting incidents. Now he's eating constantly and leaving food prints all over the kitchen. This morning I went to get a spoon for my tea and found his morning cereal in with the utensils, things spilled all over in the frig. and nothing had the lids put back on, LOL I am grateful for everyday that I don't have to deal with urine or poop! I daily count my blessings. After seeing how bad it gets through the eyes and experiences of those of you here, combined with my own experience, I am pretty sure when I get to the point where caring for Dad means sacrificing any life of my own, I will be looking for outside care. Life is to short and I would never ask or expect my children to give up their lives for mine so I don't think my Dad should expect any more from me. And if he does, well then he will have to adjust his thinking or adjust to the change. I will always be attentive to him and his needs and let him know I love him but I won't be a martyr. I value my own well being and sanity to much for that. But until that day comes I continue to do the best I can and so far it is good enough. Being a member on this thread has really helped me to face this issue before it happens so I am prepared. Understand that this is just the decision I have made for myself and I wouldn't even think to tell anyone else how to decide for themselves. It's all to personal, but I really felt like sharing my feelings.
Thanks for listening. Love to every one of you.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
The girls just told while back info on fb page Hope they relist it again I know its a group & you have to be accepted I think at that time I was immersed in caregiving my MIL with NO help & a ASShole for a husband & just left the situation...
Speaking of that My daughter 21 that has been moving back home through all this had asked me to come help her pack up her apartment today and so I did then it came a storm and so the lady at the complex told her she could wait till Monday Well her dad was suppose to come get stuff when we were done I at that time was going to take advantage to grab some more needs from the hell house & so as we load her car with as much as we can her dad calls & informs us MIL moving in NH today. YEA good ole me Gave her her shower got her all dressed up and we sat & talked whole time her asking 50x where am I going I didnt know what to say I just said well all I know somewhere w your daughter then my daughter said mom they have told her. SIL gets there says mom u remb. your new little apartment... YES ladies she is telling her she is taking her to her lil apartment Wonder how that goes ...Fill you in later Love u all!!!!