Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Cat, my mom's LTC insurance does help. If covers 6 hours of care a day for mom which allows me to work. I guess I am just whinning, but I really would love to have a week to myself without a single person wanting something from me. The last vacation that I had was 5 years ago and even that was spent giving mom a big 80th brithday party.
Definitely, Deef post is point for point example of "Do you have what it takes to be a Care Giver?" If any of this irks you or makes you want to light your own head on fire....do not contemplate Care Giving....
Cricket thank you love advice keeps me stronger.. I swear he has blamed me and having him feel at my lowest making me think i was worthless... but now im gone he is trying to b nice one minute & boy later he goes crazy with fb txts or txting my cousins phone so i think im starting over start a new fb page since i never included my maiden name anyway.. and yes start privacy settings... I THINK he is the one with problems...love u all
Dtflex- I got away to Seattle for 1 glorious week this past July. 1st time anywhere in 19 years and 1st time away from mom for more than 8 hrs in 6 years. Just me and my husband, it was heavenly. Of course I called mom every morning and very night. She did fine while I was gone and think she appreciates me more for what I do since I got back. She is totally immobile with end stages copd but her mind is still good. I am more a maid, gopher, hygeine, servant, and companion? I i can relate with all of you in so many ways but have no clue in others. When I get frustrated I read your posts and realize how easy I have it. I wish I could give each and everyone of you a vacation. It does a body good! I have decided I am looking into LTC ins. for myself. I will be 50 soon, I just don't want to burden my own kids. I read all the posts but can't keep focused enough to respond individually. I have been a lot less irritable and more patient since joining here. Thank you all so much. Your wonderful
Hi everyone: I had such a good day today. My plan was to go through the house and set out things that I want to put into a garage sale that I HOPE to have organized for next weekend.
My husband's plan was to put on his wading suit and go into the pond and try to dig out cattails (my name sake) that have been spreading. We were really shocked to see how much space they have taken up. We've just not been paying attention for the past 2 years.
I only got a tiny bit of my plan done because I took the dogs to the pond to check on hubby. Aww, he had such a hard job and her was tossing the cattails, as he was digging them up, close to the bank, but they were still in the water. So I got my gloves and a long polled 3 prong hoe and started pulling them out of the pond and putting them in a big pile on land.
Hubby was happy that he could concentrate on digging and that I was out there, keeping him company, and dragging tons of cattails and their roots out of the pond. We worked on this together most of the day. It was perfect fall weather, dry and cool. Just great to be out of doors. I was a muddy mess by the end of the day, but I really enjoyed myself. Love to watch the dragon flies. My red wing black birds were not too happy, but there are plenty of cattails left for them and if they need more they can fly their lazy asses down to our other pond that is filled with cattails and solely for them. I think they love this pond because it is close to the house AND the bird feeders. I saw what looked like a hundred on them swoop into the cattails yesterday.
And....oh this is so perfect....(Background info) We are going to sell our old sleigh bed in our garage sale. It is so massive. Really beautiful and very ornate, but I am tired of dusting all the carved pieces, plus it is so heavy that it takes 4 people to move it and it's so hard to clean under it. We disassembled the sleigh bed when my dad took over the MBR and stored it in his garage. So we have our mattress (sleep number bed) currently on the floor in the MBR.
So here's the good news. We found another bed and I just love it. It's through Restoration Hardware and they have a store in Seattle. I got an email from them about their sale which is 20% off, but you have to order online. Well, I just so happen to have an $800.00 store credit there that dates back to 2009, together with the 20% off, I am saving $1100.00. OH BABY, I am so excited. I believe I will make enough from selling the sleigh bed to cover the difference. Yowser!!!!! Yowser!!!!! Yowser!!!!!
The only thing is we have to go to the store to order the bed. Have to give them the receipt for the store credit and then they will order it for us. That's ok. We'll drive to Bainbridge Island, leave the car and take the ferry to Seattle. The store is within walking distance. This is the only way to visit Seattle, traffic and parking are a nightmare. Taking the ferry and hoofing it in the city is really a lovely way to go.
So our son will come tomorrow and help us move a bunch of stuff from hubby's shop up to our garage. This is all garage sale stuff. Several table saws and stuff Warren doesn't use. I will work on the other things that go to the sale. Then Sunday we will go to Seattle and order our bed.
It feels so good to be getting things accomplished. Sending you all love, Cat
Kritini: Time away is such a wonderful experience, especially for those who are so stressed with care giving. I wish we could all give Diane a week off; Deef too.
I have to tell you about a vacation we took. It sounds really grandiose, so I apologize for that, but it was pretty cool. My mom died in 2008 and my cousin in Wales had been wanting us to come visit. Her mom is my dad's sister and my dad had another brother in Wales also. We had enough miles to pay for our airline tickets and my brother was kind enough to buy my dad's ticket. (We had asked my dad if he wanted to go with us and he said yes.) He was well enough to do so at that time.
Anyway, the big highlight was that hubby and I took 5 days and went to Paris all alone. (My dad was with his sibs.) We took the high speed rail from London to Paris. I had found a vacation site on line that had Paris apartments for rent and we rented a studio that cost us $150.00 per night. Had a kitchen, washer/dryer. We had a blast and saw everything we could in the time we had. I would cook dinner to save money, but I love to cook and loved the markets. We would pack lunches sometimes, like when we went to Versailles. Of course we loved eating out at times in the cafes. Oh, it was so much fun. My hubby, affectionately known as Map Head, had mastered all the transit systems before we left home and he got us everywhere with no problems. Lots of great memories backed into those 5 days. Then it was back to London and train to Wales. We stayed with my cousin, so no cost there. It was a great trip. We were going to go to Ireland with my cousin, but my dad got sick and we came home early. Still, it was a really fun time. Lots of family get togethers. Very special.
I love to go someplace that has a good public transportation system. Make life so much easier.
Cattails, sounds fantastic! While I would love to see other parts of the world, I really am content with exploring my own country first. I think the best part of our Seattle trip was being spontaneous. We made no plans or reservations other than a rental car. We drove until we wanted to stop and crash. Went into Oregon and I cried as I dipped my toes in the ocean. Didn't think I'd ever see it as an adult. (had been with parents as a child). My mother wants to be cremated and spread in ocean in Delaware where she grew up so my plan is to be here for her and then deliver her to final resting place. We will drive cross country and tke the scenic route, visit daughter/grand kid in new Orleans along the way. I'm hoping taking mom with me will help with closure. Is Paris really as romantic as it seems? Or is it mainly who your there with that makes the romance?
Kritini: Regarding the romance of Paris, I think who you are with makes all things better. It's really two different subjects. Paris was just a beautiful place. The old architecture, the fresh markets with different places for fruits and vegetables, cheese, pasty, meat, bread. That in itself is an experience that one could call romantic in that it just connects you to your food in a different and more personal and social way. Is Paris romantic, OMG yes, but so are many other experiences.
We would probably have not taken this trip if my dad had not wanted to visit his remaining brother and sister in Wales. So for us it was a pilgrimage in some ways, but the opportunity to have 5 days to ourselves in Paris was such a great experience and one I will always treasure.
There's so much to see in the US. My husband and I took two major motorcycle trips, both being over 4500 miles each. We camped out, and traveled much of western Canada and also covered numerous states. It was just as romantic, just in a different way. Wouldn't trade those trips for the world. In fact, I would say those trips were better than Paris, but probably because they were longer and we saw such beautiful scenery, the Canadian Rockies and so much more, plus it was kind of a close to the bone experience. Dealing with the elements. When you travel my motorcycle you feel and smell everything. That alone, aside from the destination, is an amazing experience. We were in our very early 40's then. When we went to Paris, I was 60 and I was pretty ok with public transportation. Would not want to drive there. Still the experience was just a freeing for us.
No matter where you go, if you go with an open mind, you will be ok. Somethings take more planning than others. If you are on a motorcycle, it pays to know where your next gas station is, how many miles you want to cover in a day and where you want to camp. If you are in Paris, you will benefit from understanding the transit system and doing things to help keep your costs down.
We took a trip in our car once, with no reservations and no plans. We were in our late 30's then. We went up the California Coast into Oregon and went through some tremendous storms. At times we had to get out of the car and move redwoods out of the road so we could continue. I mean it rained and it blew. Eleven inches in two days and that's a lot for the West coast, but we did not care in the least and had such a great time. It was November, so no reservations required. We made it to Seattle with many adventures along the way. Was it romantic, Oh Yeah. Everything is romantic when you are free and when you are free everything is spontaneous.
Stormy – glad to hear that Connor is doing good in school. Mame – I hope you enjoy your son’s football game. Even when I was in high school, I could never understand/comprehend football. Plus, it drives me crazy when I see the ball flying, then where I THOUGHT it landed, some guy is over there running with the ball! It just drove me crazy that I had a difficult time following that ball! Cricket – I agree with your sentiments about getting outside care for your father. It will be soooo worth it!! Tbailey – It takes 2 to make a marriage work. If one person is doing all the work (giving) and the other is just benefiting (taking), sooner or later, the marriage weakens. Like the Bible says, the man may be the head of the household but he still needs to show respect/honor to his wife. Action speaks louder than words. Take care! Kritini – no problem with keeping track with all of us! I also worry in case I forget someone. But, after a while, you will get the hang of things. Plus, I got my trustworthy notepad (on desktop) to respond to everyone. In the past, I had Several Times mixed up people with events. Embarrassing! So, I stopped relying on my memory. Cat – That was a wonderful experience of yours. I like to travel but I also love hearing people’s stories. It can be about growing up, their family dynamics, their work dynamics and even their travels. People always said that when they talk, that my whole attention is on them – that they know that I’m really listening to what they’re saying. I just find a lot of things fascinating. I just don't have patience if I already heard it once, then it's enough. (Maybe that's because of father's repetitive stories throughout the years.) Anyway, thanks for the memory trip.
Tbailey, your husband sounds like he is bipolar. Stay away from him. You deserve so much better. Cat loved your vacation stories. I haven't taken a vacation in 5 years. Diane, I so know how you feel. Bookworm, sorry you are dealing with the poop monster still. Such a nightmare. Welcome to all the new people. Sorry I haven't been posting much. Sort of depressed lately. Trouble sleeping again, and just trying to get out of bed. So, I'm trying to take some time for myself. Take the dogs for a walk. Still trying to learn meditation. Just seems like my mind is always going a hundred miles an hour. Hope; everyone has a quiet peaceful weekend.
Meanwhile....i find meditation very difficult, as well. My mind keeps thinking about the things i should b doing, or the things i forgot to do...it becomes more of a frustration to me than relaxation...N i have a terrible time sitting in that "meditative" position, bcuz it hurts my back, so then my mind starts thinking about that!!! I think i'll jst down a beer next time..lol... Have a good weekend....hugs
Hey, I think a comment by Renarad got buried. Yesterday, there was a comment that asked about Ted. I'm newer than Ted, so can someone reply to Renarad? Also, she/he would like to get involved with the Facebook page. I don't do Facebook, so can someone help Renarad out? Renarad... your mom is 103? Oh, my gosh!!! I hope she's sweet. If my mother lives to 103, I'm going to need a straight jacket (for me, not her).
Renard, I Think I heard someone mention Ted in the ...GROSS thread? Cricket just mentioned again about the FB just a day or 2 ago..again with invitations. I'm like Judy - no FB. Until FB stops invading your privacy, I refuse to join. Latest news is that FB keeps track of ALL your computer activities - including when you log in to your bank accounts and credit card accounts, etc... I don't see WHY they need to track All your non-FB activities. Maybe worse than the Fed Govt because FB has a habit of giving your "private" info to advertisers. Nope, until the govt comes down on FB and Gmail companies, I aint going near either one! ...Renard, if you want immediate invite, please go to the GROSS page and see if you recognize anyone? And ask?
Oops! We are in the GROSS page! I gotta drink more of my ice coffee! Sorry! In a hurry. Time to change parents' pampers and get them breakfast. And drink MORE coffee! Sigh...spent almost Every Hour this morning (and half hour) getting up to suction mom. Really tired. Hope niece comes this Sunday morning. Maybe I can go to my room and take a nap.
P.S...the only good thing about Gmail - is that when you Sign Out, they stop tracking you. FB - never stops tracking you. Their excuse? They want to know U better by tracking where you visit and then they better serve you by sending said advertisers that you might be interested in their products. Hmmm... Really? I don't think so... For FB users - best to use your Smartphone to do your online banking. Or like Clark Howard recommends - get a separate computer just for all your online banking.
Judy: I'll get a hold of Cricket so she can invite Renarad. I missed your post and grumble about my not giving you a shout. Well, I am sending you twice and much love as I usually do to make up for it. Cat
Book & Renard, Ted is one of the few male caregivers that we have had on this thread. His mother passed away a few months ago and he is trying to get his life together. Unfortunately his sibling are too busy trying to screw him over. The next blow for Ted was the death of his beloved cat Idabell. Ted, if you're lurking, love and hugs to you. Book, if I had two parents to care for like you, I don't how I would manage. Mom has been mean and hateful today. She laid such a guilt trip on me and complained so much that I wasnt caring for her good enough that I had an asthma attack. My suicide attempt in May was driven by the bs from the sibs, but my mother is trying real hard to push me over again. I swear todays performance was because my b/f and I actually got to go out lastnight. I had won tickets to a charity benefit called Art in the Garden. We had a good time for the few hours that we were free. I know I keep being told its the dementia but I swear she deliberately manipulates me. Cat, the weather is beautiful here today and I would love to go work in my garden. Unfortunately I'm stuck inside watching mom sleep in her recliner. The minute I walk away she starts with her "dying" routine again. My gardening was my therapy and mom has stolen that time from me too. Everything I do from the time I wake up (and when I try to sleep) everyday is all about mom. I feel like I'm a fing machine, All I seem to do is bitch but I am just so unhappy with my life. I'm tired of everyone else walking away and leaving it all on me. I thought about my major depression this afternoon. It is a disease just as diabetes, parkinson's or cancer. Yes cancer, because it's just as deadly. Because it's a "mental" disorder no one seems to recognize you are buckling under the 24 hour pressure and grasping to keep holding on.
Tbailey, you keep doing what is right for YOU!!!!! I made it out of a verbally abusive marriage and had a wonderful life prior to being mom's caregiver 5 years ago. Self respect is the best thing you can teach your girls!
Thanks for twice the love, Cattails, my friend! I could use it. (Gotta face that sis of mine tomorrow.) And, you owe it to me anyway for just stepping right over me a few days ago. Someone else just did that to me the other day too. Renarad, we need to stick together. I get ignored and your comment got buried. We need to make more noise!
Judy: I just lashed myself with a wet dog toy. Tell me who the other person was that stepped over you and I will do the same to them.
Diane: When I was working on cattails at the pond yesterday, I thought of how impossible it would have been for me to have this day if my dad was still at our home. I looked at our two dogs, laying in the shade of a tree, and felt so grateful to just be there with my hubby doing this task.
I so understand how you feel. So much of my garden and outside time was not available to me last summer or this summer and our summers are short on the peninsula so they are very special to me.
Your situation is so difficult and I realize that your personal options are so limited. I don't know how you manage and there are few moments when I don't think of you and wish your life was easier.
Many of us have encouraged you to get a letter from your doctor and recontact that program that could have given you extra hours of care. Do they even begin to understand that keeping your mom at home means you need help? Please attempt to recontact them and truly explain the needs you both have.
We all want your life to be better. You deserve so much better. I am keeping you in my prayers, Diane. Sending you love and white light. Cat
I am just dropping a line that I made an appointment with my dentist this Wed. Still trying to talk to my son n his wife about their marriage problems n all I can do is offer suggestions. It driving me crazy.. I do have some good news to be thankful for n that is that, I called to check on my aunt that is helping take care of my dad at their place. I told her if she needed a break to let us know for one of the boys could go get dad a few hrs to give her a break. She said she was fine right now but did seem tired. Now, dad is eating great n making jokes n gaining some weight n trying to walk with his cane. He did say he cannot stand to long for he gives out. Still that is great news n has not dranked a drop of u know what. The stepma is supposely eating better n trying to get around too so that is great news n I really needed to hear some today. I am so glad that I called my daddy today for I forgot last wk. He did say he was getting worry about me for he had not heard from me. I almost cried just hearing him saying that n I told him how proud I was he is doing better n that he sounds great too. He thanked me n u could hear it in his voice he was happy. Well, I hope all is doing well n r able to get a restful night sleep. zzz
Hi Diane – Is your mom’s health so bad that you cannot leave the house for a few minutes? I mean, like my mom needs constant suctioning. So, I need to spend MOST of my days/nights in the livingroom with her. If I’m not around too long to suction, her phlegm can clog her trache and she starts choking to the point she can’t breathe but her body is still trying to cough it out and her face gets super red. If too long, I’m forced to push the suction tube way down to break up the clogged trache from the thickened/backed up phlegm. But, I still go out and do things. I just pop in once a while to see if she’s still breathing and not choking. Yes, my father gets angry but…how does he expect the laundry to be washed, and the meals be cooked? So, is your mom like my mom where her health is very critical that you must always be in the house? I still sneak out to scythe the vines around the house. If I don’t, I swear our house would be covered with those scary creepy vines. I do what needs to be done. Like I tell father when his mouth goes on and on about my time away from mom – I say, “Well, if mom dies, she dies.” What I’m getting at is that when I do these chores, I’m not that long away where mom dies. It’s just my father’s way of controlling me. Sometimes, I can handle his verbal abuse and other times I can’t. You can tell when I can’t because I come on here and post it. He has told me several times how I’m a bad daughter and I’m trying to kill them. Most times, I can handle it. Then, when I’m stressed, his barbs hit home and I start falling to pieces. I come here, and you all help me. What I’m trying to say is – when I come here saying that he’s telling me a bad daughter is not the only time he says it. He says it all the time but when it Hits It’s Mark, I come here. I just don’t tell you all Every Verbal Abuse he dishes out to me. You need to figure out for yourself how much freedom you deserve. And how willing you are to fight for it. And trust me, Diane. Once you make this decision, you will constantly have to fight to Maintain that small freedom. Parents want 100% control of Your life. Up to you to decide how much you will give to them. I would prefer that you put aside a few minutes a day for YOU. Get one of those baby monitors with long range. Carry it with you to do the garden. Up to you Diane. I hope you give yourself a break from your mother! HUGS!!!
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart.. covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.. At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.'
Judy....now u've got me worried...so i took Cat's idea, an lashed myself with a wet dog toy, jst in case im guilty!!!! LOL
Renarad....wen i read ur post, i got stuck on the sentence that ur mother is 103, n going strong!! That can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how nice she is to u.!!....My mother always reminds me that if she hasnt passed away by age 85.....i'm suppose to "take care" of that!! She'll b 84 in Dec. She's a piece of work. I think it's amazing that ur mom is still going strong...God Bless her..hugs to u
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I have decided I am looking into LTC ins. for myself. I will be 50 soon, I just don't want to burden my own kids.
I read all the posts but can't keep focused enough to respond individually. I have been a lot less irritable and more patient since joining here. Thank you all so much. Your wonderful
My husband's plan was to put on his wading suit and go into the pond and try to dig out cattails (my name sake) that have been spreading. We were really shocked to see how much space they have taken up. We've just not been paying attention for the past 2 years.
I only got a tiny bit of my plan done because I took the dogs to the pond to check on hubby. Aww, he had such a hard job and her was tossing the cattails, as he was digging them up, close to the bank, but they were still in the water. So I got my gloves and a long polled 3 prong hoe and started pulling them out of the pond and putting them in a big pile on land.
Hubby was happy that he could concentrate on digging and that I was out there, keeping him company, and dragging tons of cattails and their roots out of the pond. We worked on this together most of the day. It was perfect fall weather, dry and cool. Just great to be out of doors. I was a muddy mess by the end of the day, but I really enjoyed myself. Love to watch the dragon flies. My red wing black birds were not too happy, but there are plenty of cattails left for them and if they need more they can fly their lazy asses down to our other pond that is filled with cattails and solely for them. I think they love this pond because it is close to the house AND the bird feeders. I saw what looked like a hundred on them swoop into the cattails yesterday.
And....oh this is so perfect....(Background info) We are going to sell our old sleigh bed in our garage sale. It is so massive. Really beautiful and very ornate, but I am tired of dusting all the carved pieces, plus it is so heavy that it takes 4 people to move it and it's so hard to clean under it. We disassembled the sleigh bed when my dad took over the MBR and stored it in his garage. So we have our mattress (sleep number bed) currently on the floor in the MBR.
So here's the good news. We found another bed and I just love it. It's through Restoration Hardware and they have a store in Seattle. I got an email from them about their sale which is 20% off, but you have to order online. Well, I just so happen to have an $800.00 store credit there that dates back to 2009, together with the 20% off, I am saving $1100.00. OH BABY, I am so excited. I believe I will make enough from selling the sleigh bed to cover the difference. Yowser!!!!! Yowser!!!!! Yowser!!!!!
The only thing is we have to go to the store to order the bed. Have to give them the receipt for the store credit and then they will order it for us. That's ok. We'll drive to Bainbridge Island, leave the car and take the ferry to Seattle. The store is within walking distance. This is the only way to visit Seattle, traffic and parking are a nightmare. Taking the ferry and hoofing it in the city is really a lovely way to go.
So our son will come tomorrow and help us move a bunch of stuff from hubby's shop up to our garage. This is all garage sale stuff. Several table saws and stuff Warren doesn't use. I will work on the other things that go to the sale. Then Sunday we will go to Seattle and order our bed.
It feels so good to be getting things accomplished. Sending you all love, Cat
I have to tell you about a vacation we took. It sounds really grandiose, so I apologize for that, but it was pretty cool. My mom died in 2008 and my cousin in Wales had been wanting us to come visit. Her mom is my dad's sister and my dad had another brother in Wales also. We had enough miles to pay for our airline tickets and my brother was kind enough to buy my dad's ticket. (We had asked my dad if he wanted to go with us and he said yes.) He was well enough to do so at that time.
Anyway, the big highlight was that hubby and I took 5 days and went to Paris all alone. (My dad was with his sibs.) We took the high speed rail from London to Paris. I had found a vacation site on line that had Paris apartments for rent and we rented a studio that cost us $150.00 per night. Had a kitchen, washer/dryer. We had a blast and saw everything we could in the time we had. I would cook dinner to save money, but I love to cook and loved the markets. We would pack lunches sometimes, like when we went to Versailles. Of course we loved eating out at times in the cafes. Oh, it was so much fun. My hubby, affectionately known as Map Head, had mastered all the transit systems before we left home and he got us everywhere with no problems. Lots of great memories backed into those 5 days. Then it was back to London and train to Wales. We stayed with my cousin, so no cost there. It was a great trip. We were going to go to Ireland with my cousin, but my dad got sick and we came home early. Still, it was a really fun time. Lots of family get togethers. Very special.
I love to go someplace that has a good public transportation system. Make life so much easier.
Love, Cat
Is Paris really as romantic as it seems? Or is it mainly who your there with that makes the romance?
We would probably have not taken this trip if my dad had not wanted to visit his remaining brother and sister in Wales. So for us it was a pilgrimage in some ways, but the opportunity to have 5 days to ourselves in Paris was such a great experience and one I will always treasure.
There's so much to see in the US. My husband and I took two major motorcycle trips, both being over 4500 miles each. We camped out, and traveled much of western Canada and also covered numerous states. It was just as romantic, just in a different way. Wouldn't trade those trips for the world. In fact, I would say those trips were better than Paris, but probably because they were longer and we saw such beautiful scenery, the Canadian Rockies and so much more, plus it was kind of a close to the bone experience. Dealing with the elements. When you travel my motorcycle you feel and smell everything. That alone, aside from the destination, is an amazing experience. We were in our very early 40's then. When we went to Paris, I was 60 and I was pretty ok with public transportation. Would not want to drive there. Still the experience was just a freeing for us.
No matter where you go, if you go with an open mind, you will be ok. Somethings take more planning than others. If you are on a motorcycle, it pays to know where your next gas station is, how many miles you want to cover in a day and where you want to camp. If you are in Paris, you will benefit from understanding the transit system and doing things to help keep your costs down.
We took a trip in our car once, with no reservations and no plans. We were in our late 30's then. We went up the California Coast into Oregon and went through some tremendous storms. At times we had to get out of the car and move redwoods out of the road so we could continue. I mean it rained and it blew. Eleven inches in two days and that's a lot for the West coast, but we did not care in the least and had such a great time. It was November, so no reservations required. We made it to Seattle with many adventures along the way. Was it romantic, Oh Yeah. Everything is romantic when you are free and when you are free everything is spontaneous.
Cat
Mame – I hope you enjoy your son’s football game. Even when I was in high school, I could never understand/comprehend football. Plus, it drives me crazy when I see the ball flying, then where I THOUGHT it landed, some guy is over there running with the ball! It just drove me crazy that I had a difficult time following that ball!
Cricket – I agree with your sentiments about getting outside care for your father. It will be soooo worth it!!
Tbailey – It takes 2 to make a marriage work. If one person is doing all the work (giving) and the other is just benefiting (taking), sooner or later, the marriage weakens. Like the Bible says, the man may be the head of the household but he still needs to show respect/honor to his wife. Action speaks louder than words. Take care!
Kritini – no problem with keeping track with all of us! I also worry in case I forget someone. But, after a while, you will get the hang of things. Plus, I got my trustworthy notepad (on desktop) to respond to everyone. In the past, I had Several Times mixed up people with events. Embarrassing! So, I stopped relying on my memory.
Cat – That was a wonderful experience of yours. I like to travel but I also love hearing people’s stories. It can be about growing up, their family dynamics, their work dynamics and even their travels. People always said that when they talk, that my whole attention is on them – that they know that I’m really listening to what they’re saying. I just find a lot of things fascinating. I just don't have patience if I already heard it once, then it's enough. (Maybe that's because of father's repetitive stories throughout the years.) Anyway, thanks for the memory trip.
Sorry I haven't been posting much. Sort of depressed lately. Trouble sleeping again, and just trying to get out of bed. So, I'm trying to take some time for myself. Take the dogs for a walk. Still trying to learn meditation. Just seems like my mind is always going a hundred miles an hour. Hope; everyone has a quiet peaceful weekend.
Renarad... your mom is 103? Oh, my gosh!!! I hope she's sweet. If my mother lives to 103, I'm going to need a straight jacket (for me, not her).
...Renard, if you want immediate invite, please go to the GROSS page and see if you recognize anyone? And ask?
Book, if I had two parents to care for like you, I don't how I would manage. Mom has been mean and hateful today. She laid such a guilt trip on me and complained so much that I wasnt caring for her good enough that I had an asthma attack. My suicide attempt in May was driven by the bs from the sibs, but my mother is trying real hard to push me over again. I swear todays performance was because my b/f and I actually got to go out lastnight. I had won tickets to a charity benefit called Art in the Garden. We had a good time for the few hours that we were free. I know I keep being told its the dementia but I swear she deliberately manipulates me.
Cat, the weather is beautiful here today and I would love to go work in my garden. Unfortunately I'm stuck inside watching mom sleep in her recliner. The minute I walk away she starts with her "dying" routine again. My gardening was my therapy and mom has stolen that time from me too. Everything I do from the time I wake up (and when I try to sleep) everyday is all about mom. I feel like I'm a fing machine, All I seem to do is bitch but I am just so unhappy with my life. I'm tired of everyone else walking away and leaving it all on me.
I thought about my major depression this afternoon. It is a disease just as diabetes, parkinson's or cancer. Yes cancer, because it's just as deadly. Because it's a "mental" disorder no one seems to recognize you are buckling under the 24 hour pressure and grasping to keep holding on.
Tbailey, you keep doing what is right for YOU!!!!! I made it out of a verbally abusive marriage and had a wonderful life prior to being mom's caregiver 5 years ago. Self respect is the best thing you can teach your girls!
Try have a good evening everyone.
Love ya,
Diane
Diane: When I was working on cattails at the pond yesterday, I thought of how impossible it would have been for me to have this day if my dad was still at our home. I looked at our two dogs, laying in the shade of a tree, and felt so grateful to just be there with my hubby doing this task.
I so understand how you feel. So much of my garden and outside time was not available to me last summer or this summer and our summers are short on the peninsula so they are very special to me.
Your situation is so difficult and I realize that your personal options are so limited. I don't know how you manage and there are few moments when I don't think of you and wish your life was easier.
Many of us have encouraged you to get a letter from your doctor and recontact that program that could have given you extra hours of care. Do they even begin to understand that keeping your mom at home means you need help? Please attempt to recontact them and truly explain the needs you both have.
We all want your life to be better. You deserve so much better. I am keeping you in my prayers, Diane. Sending you love and white light. Cat
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate
funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge
heart.. covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service
as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy,
the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed,
sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever..
At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter. When all
eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my
own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.'
The priest fainted.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even
short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he
did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf,
it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."
Renarad....wen i read ur post, i got stuck on the sentence that ur mother is 103, n going strong!! That can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how nice she is to u.!!....My mother always reminds me that if she hasnt passed away by age 85.....i'm suppose to "take care" of that!! She'll b 84 in Dec. She's a piece of work. I think it's amazing that ur mom is still going strong...God Bless her..hugs to u