Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Hi everyone- I hope all of you are having a good weekend as good as it can be anyway with our situations with caregiving. Well, tomorrow is another day and hopefully a better one for all of us. We can always hope, right?
Mame-Thank you, yes i am cherishing these memories with my little boy, and he is my heart. I hope you had a great time at the football game!!
Cricket- I love the design you put at the end of your comments, it is so cute. I hope you have a great day tomorrow.
Renarad- How long have you been taking care of your mom? And she is 103, wow.
Dtflex and Kritini- I think i read where you two got to take a vacation, I hope i read that right. And i hope ya'll had a great time.
Meanwhile,Beck, and Judy- I wish that the meditation would work for me too. I always have too many thoughts running through my head to be able to clear my mind. I've never had any luck with it either.
Bookworm- I am glad that connor is doing good in school too. I am glad also that he likes school. Hope you are doing alright.
Cat-Still thinking of you and keeping you in prayer. I know that was so awesome to be able to spend some time with your hubby and enjoy the outdoors for a change. So happy that you were able to do that.
Lil'deb- I'm glad to hear that your dad is doing better. I hope you are doing alright these days.
Well, i am sure i missed someone and i am sorry if i did. I am still trying to learn everyone and who they are caring for so just please bare with me.
My sister sent me a text today telling me that she found her cat outside in the backyard dead. She was so distaught and i felt so terrible for her, she doesn't know what happen to her cat and she could not go out there to her because she has this thing about dead things, she just can't take it. We have our dear brother to thank for that, he terrorized her as a child with dead squirrels, birds whatever and ever since then she just can't take seeing them. So she called our nephew to come and bury her cat. It is so terrible when you lose a pet, you just get so attached to them. I've got 2 cats and a dog, lord him me when i lose one of them. Well i will chat with ya'll later. (((hugs))) stormy

Hey Book- Just read your last comment and i was just thinking about what your dad said about your mom and wanting you in there with her. This is my take on it. Your dad doesn't want your mom to die cause he knows that if that happens then his son is going to have to start taking care of him. I recall you saying one time that if your mom died then your brother was going to get the task of caregiving for your dad. And i would let dear ole' brother have him!!! Love and (((((BIG HUGS))))) to you Book!!! Love ya sweetie. stormy

Diane, you are not alone! I've never had to battle depression, but lately I find myself shutting down more and more. Sometimes it's just easier to give in to the black hole for a while. It's hard to upbeat when it feels like you don't have a prayer in Hell! At least the LTC pays for help so you can work. I just had to contact the insurance company again as they were behind 6 weeks in reimbursement checks. They once again said that they never received 2 weeks of Merry's payroll. So we had to fax copies to them once again, and then had to wait 3 more weeks for them to process the check from the 1st 2 weeks of August!!! So I was holding my breath that there would be enough $$ to pay for help. If I had put mom in the NH in 2008 after her second stay in rehab, the $$ would have lasted less than 2 years. I'm talking $92,000!!! I have managed to spread this over the last 4 1/2 years. Of course I have been told by the doctors and counselors that she would not have lasted the first 2 months. She was never a very social person and because of the PD and her increasing dementia, they would have had to medicate her heavily in order to keep her from falling. She is very OCD and tries to stand up constantly and they cannot use physical restraints like I can at home. So my choice was to leave her there and let her be doped up until she gave up and died, or take her home and let her happy and comfortable in her own surroundings. I thought with help being paid for by her LTC and 3 days of daycare, I would have plenty of time to have a life. Unfortunately, here I still am since May of 2008. I have no $$ and my debt has doubled. my husband has been out of work for almost 2 years and is now collecting social security. We are still waiting to here if we have health insurance through the state. As for life insurance, we paid for that for 35 years and lost it because we had no $$ to keep paying the premiums.
I'm 30lbs heavier than I have been in my entire life, my acid reflux is so bad right now, I sleep on 2 pillows to keep the acid from coming up into my mouth when I lay down. My back is out again and my hips aren't in much better shape. I'm tired all the time and sleep , well, lets 'just say I don't remember the last time I was able to sleep 8 hours.
My youngest sister(POA) stopped by on Thursday and spent the whole hour talking about herself and the trips she's been on and going to Jamaica in February. I stopped listening after the first 10 minutes. It's just really rude of her to talk about what she is doing when I can't afford the time or $$ to leave here for a few days.I could put Mom in respite for a week and go somewhere if we could afford it, but then I would have to come back home to the same crap and it would take me weeks to straighten out Mom.
I'm seriously contemplating an overnight at the beach in New Hampshire, but first have to think about the $800 property tax that is due on the 1st and we should be getting both an oil and gas delivery by the end of this month. Anther $1500 that will probably mean a NO for the beach.
Mom's new custom built wheelchair is on order and she needs to pay $650 for a co-pay. the chair is $5000 and is being built to her specifications. It will recline and also have movement, so when her PD movements get really bad, the chair will move with her and supposedly calm her down. Keeping my fingers crossed on that! It will also have a tray built onto it. This will keep her sitting upright and isn't considered a restraint.
Took my Requip and am now feeling nauseous, so I will say good night and finish this post tomorrow!

Well, Judy, I hope it wasn’t me. I first read Cat used the word “shout out.” Niece was here when it was mentioned again today. So, I asked her what it means. Anyway, I don’t think I will use that word. I still think shout out means yelling really loud.

Stormy, you have a very good memory. Even before father’s stroke, for years, I would remind him that I won’t care for him in his old age. I’ve repeatedly reminded bro-of-next-door that the reason I’m still here is because of mom. They all know it.

Father has complete control of oldest sis. But, I think she’s more afraid of me than him. I rarely talk disrespectfully to her because she’s my elder. But, darn it! I tied the darn screen door to the wall so that the medics can take mom out thru the door with ease. After they took her out, and we were about to board the medic transport, sis was Untying my tie! I snapped at her in anger to leave it alone. She said that dad told her to untie it. I snapped back, “I don’t give a damn about what he says! We ARE coming back!” Then, I muttered to SIL, “Damn, he tells her to jump and she jumps. No backbone! No common sense! Hello? We’re coming back, and then I have to re-tie it?” And sis has not yet moved in! Sorry, Stormy….Had to vent here. I am sooooo not looking forward to her moving in. Once she moves in, she will really slack off. Can you believe when she empties a can or milk, she leaves the can or carton in the sink? I mean, why in the sink? Doesn’t it belong in the trashcan???? You all will start to hear me venting about her when she moves in. One thing I will need to emphasize to her that there is No Smoking allowed at all in the house. She’s a very heavy smoker. I’ve heard from her daughter that she has burned her room once. We can’t afford that here with 2 bedridden persons.
Sis won’t listen, though. She will do it sneakily. Don’t know how I’m going to handle it. Most likely have to have bro-of-next-door straighten her out if she Does smoke in the bedroom.

Diane, Deef – sorry about your financial struggles. My older had that problem before he became financially stable. It was winter time and they were going to have their power cut. He ended up going to Red Cross (?) for assistance. It’s a never-ending cycle of bills, bills and more bills. Especially when you have to buy supplies for the parents. Parents go through $60 worth of pampers a week. And that’s just pampers.

Book- Why is your sister moving in with ya'll? And when she does i would put her tail to work with helping with your mom and dad. Hell, i think i would let her take care of the dad and i would take care of mom, especially since they like each other. But if you don't want her moving in with ya'll, what about her moving in with the bro-next-door? But i would make her help, with taking care of your parents. Love and hugs to you. Go ahead vent all you want, love stormy

Well thanks Cat :)

Renarad, I can add you to the FB group but we need to be FB friends first. Send me a friend request and then I will add you to Caregivers Connect. I am Sherry Emery who lives in Port St. Lucie Florida, profile picture is a face shot of me (silver hair, wearing a black and white striped shirt. Wow your Mom is 103! I want those genes! :)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

A few years ago, oldest sis and her daughter were struggling - one of them had to get a job (federal program requires that they become self-sufficient.) Per her daughter, oldest sis just stays in her room and won't get a job. So, daughter's father (sis' ex-husband) told his daughter: "Send your mother back to her family." Sis moves in. At first she was helpful. Then she slacked off. She would only cook for herself - with the food that I paid for! She would see me struggling with mom's pamper changing but she would just walk by and not offer to help. There's only so many times that I can keep asking for help. She should know already. I mean my 17-yr old niece once dropped by while I was in the middle of changing mom's pamper. I asked for her help. After that, whenever she drops by and sees me changing the pamper, she just automatically helps. This is from a 17yr old. So, any way, sis became completely unhelpful...but eating our very limited supply of food (bills get paid first, then supplies, and food is last.) So, father called up her daughter and ordered her to come and get her mother. That he's already caring for his wife. And he told her that her mother is HER responsibility, not ours. And ordered niece to come and get her.....

Sis will end up doing it again when she moves in. Already, with the current situation, she's dumping her trash in the sink and not in the trashcan. She's home all day, but when I get home at 630pm, the sink is a mess, and I have to always empty the drain strainer because it's packed with food.

Oh, her daughter is getting married. She told me that "she has to live her own life now." Her mother is not part of that new life. So, sis is moving back home either the end of this month or next month. I try not to think about it much. Just take it one day at a time....

Are you familiar with my house? I had written about it on one of the threads about how we have "spirits" here. Sis sees them and talks to them. The last time she moved in, she would do a lot of laughing in the bedroom. Eventually, everyone (even the Catholic social service workers) notice she was blank faced. I know our people view these spirits as our ancient ancestor. As a child, I have always been afraid of them. See, Hear no evil attitude - was what I had. I did my darn best to ignore them. I still do. My nephew sees them too. Let's just say...my family are "sensitive" to these spirits. So oldest sis' daughter does NOT want her mom to move back here. We all saw how she changed the last time. This place is Not a Good place for oldest sis. It would be okay if she can PRETEND and IGNORE them...but...I don't think she's mentally strong to resist them. All of the family is worried...but bro-of-next-door did not offer his place..so she's moving in here.

Book: Why can't you just say to Bro of next door and oldest sis that she is not welcome in your home? You know that the spirit thing is an issue and that oldest sis will not help and cost you money. Why can't you tell them no? What if you said that you would leave if older sis moved into your home. I think bro next door would not want that to happen.

Book my heart goes out to you. Could you afford to live on your own?

Love to you, Book. Cat

Cat, I can live on my own. One paycheck can pay for rent and utilites. 2nd paycheck towards my car loan. Why would bro invite her? He's having his own problems with 2 of his 3 kids slacking and not wanting to get a job. He doesn't need another one.

Niece doesn't want her mother in her life. I can see my sister being one of those people out in the streets. I'd rather she be here "safe" with a roof over her head. Unfortunately, sanity-wise, this is not a good place for her. She is not afraid of "them." As for bro - as long as someone is watching the parents - he's fine with it. Most likely, he would send one of his sons to move in. Parents' care would definitely suffer. Unfortunately, bro's children don't understand that when you have a child, that you need to feed them 3 x day. Their kids get fed when and if the parents feel like eating. One of my niece (age 2) saw pizza and screamed her head off trying to get to it. The whole family thought it was funny. I didn't. It was 11am and that child did not have any breakfast. She was starving. All of my siblings (except for fave sis) raised their kids that way. My niece that died - one time I dropped by for a quick visit - she was like 6 yrs old and was looking in the fridge for lunch. Her mom and my sis were still sleeping. I mean, who sleeps until noontime? It's not as if they had a job that tired them out. They are living off the federal program.

I think my main plan is to just have to learn to speak up with oldest sis. I need to overcome my upbringing of respecting your elder. We will see... But, once she starts talking and laughing to nobody in her bedroom (she's moving in the room that I call the Dead Room. I'm more afraid of this room than any of the house) - I will have to call her daughter and let her know. Up to both of them if she wants to still stay here and become more and more mentally unbalanced due to "them." Who knows in the end, my sis will end up out on the road. We will see....

Kritini, Merry has been helping me care for Mom for the last 3 1/2 years and was born and raised in Alaska. The Aleutian Islands was her home. She still has family there and visits when she can. You are lucky your mom still has her mind. It makes all the difference in the world when care giving. As for Delaware, it's a beautiful state to visit. Hope you get your mom back there to rest.
Justme, Mom's mind is too far gone to do the crazy shit stuff, but cannot tell us when she does go, so many messy pants to clean here!
Mame, keep sending your mom to daycare! It's such a break for you. I know all the hard work it takes to get them there and back, and sometimes I just go home and collapse for a while, but it's still worth it. Gets really tough here in the winter when there is snow and ice, so I'm hoping for a mild one like last year. As for help at home, ask around for out of work CNAs, that's how I got Merry. She had been let go at the NH due to budget cuts and was very grateful to get work watching Mom.
Tbailey, You are a real tough lady!!! Keep up the good work and get yourself healthy again so you can move on with your life. We all know the damage done to our health as care givers.
Renarad!!! I remember you on Ted's site. How are you???
Meanwhile, Definitely take time for yourself and sleep all you can. Rest is the best medicine there is!
Hey Judy! Do you think you will ever get back to Mass?
Lildeb, good news about your dad.
Bookworm, I don't know how you do it!!
Cat, nice to hear one of us is finally able to get on with the business of living.
Diane, What can I say? Just do the best you can and stop beating yourself up over things you can't change. If your mom can't get out of bed or her chair by herself, then walk away for a while and let her stew! Even though she has PD and the dementia that comes with it, she is still capable of manipulation. Do you have an MP3 player with earphones? Play music in your ears when sitting with her and give her an occasional "uh huh" so that she thinks you are listening.
Mom is still sleeping, but today is shower day, so I need to get everything ready. I hope I included everyone here and do apologize if I didn't! Hope we all have a positive day!
Jen. I will try to call you later!!!

Book, my mom's greatest problem is her mental state, dementia. She has Parkinson's and spinal stenosis that make walking/standing very difficult. She wants my full attention ALL the time. I try to walk in the garden or sit on the front porch for 5 minutes and she is hollering for me. She also has panic attacks and gets frightened that she is dying. I can even sit on the toilet without her hollering for me. When I am with her she is usually dozing and not talking to me anyway. When she does talk it is to say "I'm not feeling well" or bitching that I'm not taking good care of her. Work is an escape to a degree, but there again I feel like I'm drowning in demands. I have a full time work load on a part time schedule. I'm just waiting for me screw something up there too. Deef, I know exactly what you mean about the money for a NH or in-home care. A NH here in SC is $7000 a month plus meds and supplies. I also know that they would need to medicate mom heavily. Maybe that's my mistake, I don't want her to be knocked out all day. Mom isnt OCD, but her anxiety attacks are driving me crazy. Mom's movements are extremely slow due to the PD. Every sensation to her is very extreme. She swears I scratch her back up every night when I change her for bed. My nails are cut so short they hurt. Cat, mom's doctor nor my doctor can get any help for me. I don't know of any other resources to seek. I will try get my respite weekend scheduled again since I had to cancel last time.
So much for my griping. Thank you for listening and making suggestions.

Love ya,
Diane

Stormy!!! I knew I missed someone. You sound like a great mom. I have one daughter who just turned 32. Somehow I managed being her best friend and could still be a good mom without crossing the line. I'm very lucky to have her and my sil living in the apartment above us. Take care of that boy of yours. He sounds like a good one!!

Deefer- Thanks, I hope i am doing a good job raising connor. He is our only child and the light of our lives. He has red curly hair and my mom always wanted one of her kids to have red hair but no such luck. Then my mom died in 04' and in 06' i had this little baby with red peach fuzz on his head. Me and my sister always say that our mom had a hand in that one, that she was determined for somebody in our family to have red hair, and boy has he got it. I just wished she could have met him. Me and my mom were very close, she was a wonderful mother and my best friend. I miss her. Thanks for the response. hugs stormy

Can I just say that I love the people on this thread. Cat

Book-You have spirits in your house? Tell me more...... I have always been interested in hearing spirit or ghost stories. Although i don't know if it is a good idea for your sister to move in there if she is going to be contacting these spirits and talking and laughing with them. But if she has no where else to go i guess she has to go back home. I am sorry you are having to deal with this too on top of everything else with your mom and dad. I really don't know how you do it all. Hugs Stormy

We love you too Cattails... (((Hugs))) Stormy

Book, I'm fine - thanks for the worry though! Have you thought about getting your house cleansed? My friend just had a psychic come over and do a "cleanse", burning sage in every room, and walking around the outside of the house too, and she feels better about living there. She had some weird stuff going on - lights going off and on, phone ringers being changed, dog barking at nothing, her kid talking to someone no one else could see, that kind of thing - very creepy. She says its better. Everyone can't be mentioned in each post, and I was really just trying to give Cat some guilt about ignoring me, and the wet dog toy lashing is proof that it worked. Thanks, Cat, and I just love you to bits. And, Beck, your lashing is appreciated as well. (I feel like I should be wearing black leather panties and carrying a whip here - enjoying women lashing themselves). Beck, you're always doing something for me...even smoked a few cigs for me last week. Maybe you were walking into the slider for me too. I'm the clumbsiest person alive.
Deef, I'm going to be in MA for 5 days this month to bring my mother to a family reunion. She's 86 and thinks this is the last time she'll be able to see her younger sister who doesn't travel. I'm dreading this. Looking forward to staying in Manomet with my cousin, but dreading the trip, the time with Mom, the time away from my youngest and the expense. I'm my mother's indentured servant but I had to pay for my own ticket AND the rental car. OMG.
Stormy, I got so excited when my daughter was born and I saw some coppery fuzz on her head. Thought I was going to have a redhead. A week later, it all fell out and was replaced by the whitest blond hair. So, I didn't get the coppery red curls for her that I wanted, but I got some platinum blond. I always wanted one of the kids to have brown eyes too, but seeing that my husband and I are both blue eyed, a brown eyed child might've been a bit hard to explain. So nice to see you on this thread, btw. Smiled when I saw your name. Love the Connor updates.
Was up several times last night checking on my youngest. He had a high temp (103.7) and a bad headache that made him lie still and not want to move. All I could think of was meningitis. Headache is better, not gone. Temperature is down, but I need to check it in a few hours. Ibuprofen brings it down and he sleeps. But, my quadriplegic bro has never been to my house. He's had a rented van this past week and wants to come visit me today. But, I have a sick kid. My brother needs to stay away from sick people. Even a cold can kill him, and its not an easy way to go - it'd be like suffocating. He can't cough (and he can't yell, due to the paralysis, he can't breathe deeply). The closest he can get to coughing is to have someone push down on his chest while he clears his throat. He's lucky in that regard though. A higher neck break would've had him on a respirator. The van has to be returned on Monday. I'm so bummed he won't get to come over.
Done rambling!

Hey Judy- It's good to hear from you too!!! I am so sorry that your son is sick. How old is he? I can certainly understand why you do not want your brother around any sickness. My goodness he doesn't need anymore on him. What happened to him? If you don't mind me asking. Maybe ya'll can reschedule a date to see each other at your house when your son gets to feeling better and everyone can enjoy each others company.
Connor gets his red hair from his dad, his grandmother (hubby's mom) and my uncle (mom's brother) they all had red hair. Hubby's hair is strawberry blond now but it was red when he was in high school. Connor has green eyes and he gets that from his dad too. Connor looks like his dad. Well nice chatting with you. I got to start doing stuff cause we got to carry connor to his soccer game today. Wish us luck that he scores some goals. He scored 3 last sunday!! Love and hugs stormy

Just want to vent! My mom never says a kind word to my sisters. We travel over (75) miles to see her on the weekends. She never says how are you all doing? She only sits there and insults us by any means she can. Making disparaging remarks about our clothes, jewelry, makeup, our hair and she attacks personally with her insults and painful remarks. But the minutes our brothers walk into the dinning room of the nursing homes. She lightens up like a light bulb. Laughing, smiling and singing to them. Sometimes I think some mothers just hate their daughters and love their sons. This is what we have been experiencing and going through nearly one year now. It has been a very painful journey. Our mother rejects every good thing we are trying to do for her. Even the good things we are trying to do for her are in her own best interest, she rejects them. We are backed up against a brick wall. We can't help our mother because our mother will not allow us to help her to find the most reasonable way to get her out of the nursing home. We can't get her to cooperate. We have done the best we can, because she is not declared mentally incompetent, their are things dealing with her finances
we have no control over. Because our elderly sick mother refuses to sign a power of attorney, or a durable power of attorney or a medical directive. We have nothing to stand on if she get worst. I am just venting and I think Almighty God for AgingCare.com.

It's Sunday already! I hope everyone is doing okay. Bookworm, perhaps your older sister is mentally ill. Just reading about her inability to work and provide for herself or her lack of desire to do so sounds very much like a deep depression. If that is the situation perhaps she can get some help outside of your house. Just an idea. I feel really bad for you that just because you don't want her to end up homeless you are the one bearing the brunt again. :( I hope there is a solution for both of you.
I'm getting ready this week for my trip to CA, I leave next Sunday. I have so much to do to get everything set up here before I go that I'm not sure if I will be able to get on much or if I do I probably won't be able to comment much. If that's the case everyone please know that you are all in my prayers and in my thoughts daily. Now to go work on my To Do list.... overwhelmed. Love you all.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

The sun has come out, the fog has lifted, I'm going to saddle up a horse. Bye. Love you guys

Judy, sorry your son is sick, and always on a holiday weekend when the doctor's office is closed! Hope he is feeling better soon. Too bad you are missing your brother. Manomet is a little over 2 hours from here. I'm in central Mass. in the small town of Ware that borders the Quabbin Reservoir on the east side. We're hoping to get to Hampton Beach N.H. for a night soon. That's a lot closer to Plymouth. Hope you have a great trip!
Lily, your situation sounds like a tough one, but at least your mom doesn't single out one of you. If she is so into her boys, maybe they could get together and sweet talk her into signing some paperwork so that everything is settled. Good luck!
Book!!! Spirits in the house!!! My house was built in the early 1880's and was a boarding house for mill workers for years. I've lived here my entire life and have had many strange things occur. Although it can be spooky, it is also interesting and a great conversation starter.
Cricket, California, how nice for you! Hope you have a wonderful time after you get through all the preparations we as care givers have to go through if we leave the nest for any length of time. That's one of the many reasons I don't go anywhere. It's just too much work to get everything ready, organized and set for someone else to take over. Heave a huge sigh of relief when you get your butt into that airplane seat! Then order a nice alcoholic beverage to relax!
Diane, as I'm sure you well know, PD just makes anxiety and depression even more unbearable along with the hallucinations that are worse from the PD meds. Mom was a train wreck for the first 3 years I was home. Crying, drooling, hyperventilating, constantly!!! She had Lexapro, Risperdol, Comtan and many other drugs, but until her geriatric doctor started her on 10 mgs of Paxil, nothing worked. He slowly put her up to 30mgs in the AM and along with her 2 0.25 zanax 3 times a day. she became much calmer and more relaxed. She sleeps well at night because we give her 2 seroquel. She had something else before, but that no longer worked. Seroquel is not something she can have during the day due to it making her too groggy to handle. I know of the side affects, but the dementia is so progressed, the benefits outweigh them. And yes, Mom would have to be medicated to the point of being comatose in order for her to stay in a NH. I'm not ready to do that to her when she can still enjoy being in her own home. It may sound like she is on a lot of meds, but really, the most she takes is her PD pills and Namenda and aricept, both of which she could not function at all without. I know how hard it is to get a doctor to change meds, but I kept calling and pushing until they realized how bad she was. At that point they were willing to ween her off one and try another. I know everyone can't tolerate the same combinations, but it may be worth a try for your mom to get on Paxil and see if she improves at all. I know that lost feeling you have right now and I wish there was more I could do for you. Just keep doing the best you can. That's all any of us can do
On a different note, I made my first batch of apple fritters for the season, this morning!!! Yummmmmmm. Apple pie tomorrow! Okay, working in the yard and trying to get the pool cleaned up so we can cover it this week. First my neck was out, then my back. Now everything is better, so time to get everything closed up and cleaned up for what lies ahead!

Quick drive by since it’s Monday morn and need to do parents, feed them breakfast and rush to work. Yes, we work today. It’s not our work holiday.

Stormy – no more scary stories from me. I can’t remember which thread when I brought up the scary doll/stuffed monster/my dolls. I brought up a lot of the paranormal stuff. I do my best to ignore them. Don’t want to give them power over me to start doing those things that Judy mentioned about her friend. Our home is not like that bad. But we have the creepy feeling, the “I don’t want you in this room” feeling, the church bell ringing (no church nearby), etc…Sorry, you will just have to go search it. Most likely it was either here or YOU thread in maybe August or Sep.

Judy, my dad’s a Catholic. He’s had the priest bless this house twice. If you read my previous posts on this, we have 2 kinds of spirits here. My nephew is more familiar with them but he did give me a reason why I go crazy about the outside ones. He says that the inside spirits are protecting us. The outside spirits are trying to come into the house. I must help the inside ones (since the outside ones just creep me out completely.) I’ve experienced one that compelled me for days to cut the creepy vines. When I finally did, I was cutting it like a madperson – real fast, left,right, etc.. He told me that I need to keep cutting the vines because that’s where the outside ones are strong and trying to take over the house. I didn’t know WHY I hated those vines and WHY I fear it so much. He told me. (He sees them on the side of his eyes and in mirrors.) The KEY is to avoid denying or acknowledging them. Just do like those 3 monkeys do: See no evil, hear no evil, speak to no evil. Something I relied on when I was in elementary age.

Hopefully, when I come home from work I can post more on all. Yesterday was a very tiring day for me. At 10pm, I was changing father’s pampers. While doing it, my brain got fuzzy and I blanked out. Forced myself back, my body was weaving and my hands were still changing him. Brain kept blanking out. I was able to shower, and I slept with wet hair by 1130pm. That’s early for me. I was so tired, I didn’t wake up at all to suction mom until 4am. After that, it was constant getting up to suction – several times each hour. By 545am, I just laid there and listened to her cough and choke on phlegm. Too tired to get up. Finally got up when she sounded so bad. Gotta go!

I'm caring for my 89 year old mother in my home and I have to admit she's pretty good considering........I try to overlook a lot of things that go along with the aging process because I know I'm going to be there someday myself, and I know how these limitations bother her as much, if not more than they do me......sooooooo I do a lot of muttering to myself, but try not to include her in these private conversations....She's a retired RN and has had to care for a lot of people in her time that had sufficient limitations and had to overlook a lot of unpleasantries......she has recently stated that she put herself on the waiting list at the Nursing Facility where my father passed away a couple yrs ago.....I was unable to bring myself to do that as I feel her mind is still very sharp, although her balance and eyesight are dwindling....(by the way, she has occasionally given a little butter to her cats long before she became a senior citizen.....probably helped them with hairballs...)

Meanwhile, I can just smell the leather from the saddle. I hope your horseback riding is fun as you ride with the breeze.
Deef, u can say that again for it is a job just to get things ready for someone in order to to take a mini break from caregiving. However, it is worth it to me except when I have to come back n be the caregiver.
Cricket, don't forget I don't take much room. ; ) I do hope you r able to get ready n have time to breathe n relax while u r in Calif.
Deef, I bet those apple fritters were deliouse being they were home-made n that u made them. Let us know how the apple pie turns out.
Book, you have your hands full of caregiving n you work too. Plus you r having to get up in middle of night n wee am time sounds like you are not getting enough rest. That probable why your brain is going blank for its being work so hard that it needs some rest. I guess some sleep is better than no sleep. I am trying to find a positive side for you. I don't see how you do it n I know if u don't then who will.
SWClancy, welcome to the site. It does sound like your mom minds is bright for she has put herself on the waiting list at the NH. As for the butter, I heard someone else that use butter for hairballs. Not sure if it works but it does work sometimes when u have to give them a pill.
I hope everyone had a relaxing somewhat day today so that we can face the music all again tomorrow. ; )

Book, you know that u r NOT a bad daughter n dear mean ole dad is just talking out of his head or you know where else. Don't let his barb-wires stick to you, just slap it off n find somewhere to go. I think I would had already told dear grumpy dad to hire someone to come to the house if u were doing such a bad job! I would be scared to death myself if my mnl was going through what you mom is going through n that you have to do the throat stuff too. I think it the choking sounds that scares me. You r much much stronger than you think you are n you r a great person.
Cuz, OMG!! Those two stories were too funny. lol. thanks.

Stormy- my brother broke his neck in a car wreck 32 years ago (he wasn't driving and was wearing a seatbelt but it was an old truck with just lap belts, no shoulder strap). He can partially move one arm but not the hand. I learn something from him all the time. He tells me to find the positives in things and if I can't find anything positive, then know that whatever it is, could be worse. He says to appreciate every day and that days are like gifts, and like some gifts, some days just suck, but they're gifts just the same. His health is failing and he's in some wicked pain every day, and he still smiles at me. I could rave on and on about him. He's sweet and smart and funny and so handsome.

Meanwhile- My uncle has horses and goes horseback riding and he loves it, i can see where it would be relaxing and peaceful. Have fun.
Deef- i would love the recipe for your apple fritters, they sound yummy.
Swclancy-prayers for you and your mom and welcome aboard.
Cricket- i hope you have a good time in calif.
Judy- how awful for your brother and for you for having to see him like that in pain. I am sorry. It sounds like he is a wonderful person and very wise, Judy. It sounds like ya'll are very close. ((hugs)) Thank you for sharing his story with me.
Book- I know you hardly have the time for this, but have you been to see a dr for your blackouts? I do wish you would see someone. Just worried about you. And the suctioning, i understand all about that. However dad just one day decides he doesn't want us to suction him so he has been coughing up the mucus on his own. Drs say he has a good cough reflex i guess with all the reconstructive surgery they did on him from the tumor. Does your mom have a plastic or metal trach, dad has a plastic one. But one of his drs seem to think that dad would do better with a metal one. Oh and don't worry about the ghost stories i can understand where u would not want to get them stirred up. yikes. You freaked me out when you said that you get a feeling like they are saying that they don't want you in the room. That's enough for me and i would let them have whatever room they wanted. Love ya Book!
Cat- thinking of you dear friend and hoping that some peace will come to you in the days ahead. Love ya Cat! Love and hugs to all stormyyy

Well, this thread is buzzing and I love that.

Deef: You are an inspiration and your advise is so solid. I don't know how you continue, but you do and you also have compassion for others and just keep going on.

I had a great day today and I will post more later. I want to respond to everyone and can't do it just now because it is late and I am tired.

I just want to say how happy I am that Stormy is with us. She is such a good person and trying to balance so much at such a difficult crossroads. I know her from a different thread and my heart goes out to her. Not many of us have to deal with so many family demands while trying to be a mom to a precious child that has been so planned and wanted. As we all know, life just jumps up and turns things upside down and we scramble to try to adapt and care for those we love.

I'll write more later, but did I mention how much I love you all. Oh yeah, I think I did, but it's worth repeating.

Love and white light to each of you, Cat.

lillyvalley – I have known women who treated their daughters like “nothing.” but spoil their sons. My sis and I saw this with our 2 sister-in-laws (SIL) and their daughters. Those poor nieces did their best to try to get their mother’s love.

May I ask you a question? Your mother is in a nursing home (NH). Why do want to take her out? So, let’s say you succeed in getting her out? Who is going to be watching her in the daytime? Nighttime? Would she be willing to accept those persons? If she doesn’t – who will care for her? You? Because, right now, she’s verbally abusive to you. How bad will it get if she’s in the privacy of her own home? Can you handle it? Every minute, every hour, every day, and night – her abusive words. Trust me, I KNOW she will do this. My father is both physically and verbally abusive to me – even when he’s bedridden. He treats me like this because he says that I have nowhere to go. I’m here for my mom – not him. Most times, his barbs bounces off me. But, when I’m too stressed, my armor is weak and his barb goes thru and hits it’s mark. So, I ask you, Lillyval, why do you want to get your mother out of NH?

I think you and your siblings need to really stop, and look inside yourselves. WHY do you want her out. Because from what I read, she has no desire to leave NH. Do you all want her out for Your reasons and not for hers? If you can honestly look inside, and if it’s truly for her benefit, how is it beneficial if she’s at home vs. at NH? Are you all able to care for her needs like the NH does?

I understand that you’re venting but maybe you can drop off one subject to vent by deciding if she really must leave NH. I just feel so bad for you that you want so badly to get her out of NH. But, I will really really feel bad for you when you do, and the reality hits you when you’re caring for her abusive person day after day after night after night. I just sooooo worry about you because it sounds like you would end up the one caring for her full-time. I don’t require an answer. I just asked these questions for YOU (to know what’s really in your heart.) HUGS!!! (Please forgive me if I have offended you. I just truly worry about you.) Bookworm.