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Cat-My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am sorry things were like that with you and your mom. Why was she so mad with you, if you don't mind me asking? (((hugs))) Book- I would go to the hospital and talk to them there about setting up a monthly payment plan, and just tell them about how your dad is and see what is the least amount that you would have to pay and then maybe your dad will not notice when the funds are missing. It's worth a try. Hope this helps. Love and hugs! Deef- I went to the doctor today for myself and i was fasting so they could check my blood sugar levels, and i could not have any coffee this morning until i got back home. Boy, it sure was foreign to get up and not fix a cup of coffee. I'm glad that's over, i love my coffee as you can tell. I probably drink too much of it oh well at least it's not liquor i am indulging in. I plan on trying the apple fritters this weekend, i will let you know how they turn out. Thanks again for the recipe. hugs Rena- I am so sorry for the loss of your cat, it is heartbreaking to have to have them put down. We've had several that we had to have put to sleep and it is just terrible. I have 2 cats and a chihuahua/yorkie mix and they are my babies. I will keep you in my prayers that some peace will come to you. (((hugs))) I know i missed some of you, just know that I keep all of you in my prayers for a better tomorrow and happier days. Much love and hugs stormyy
My heart aches knowing the sorrow you are feeling cat. You are a warm and selfless person. I only hope I can be as strong as you when I need to be. You are an inspiration!
Deef: One of my favorite memories is coming downstairs in our old house and seeing our 4 cats cuddled up by the fire. That was the only light in the room, but it was so comforting and the sight of my cats being happy and warn and snuggled in will never be far from my mind.
Stormy: My mom just seemed to single me out as the person to be angry with. Of course, I was the only one with her all the time, so I guess that's reasonable. My sibs were out of state, so it was my responsibility to be the primary caregiver. I always thought her behavior was to do with her pain meds. Some she could tolerate and others just pushed her over the edge. I tried to limit her pain meds to those that would give her relief, but also keep her mind in tact. From her perspective, she thought I was against her pain meds, which was not the case but was how she saw it. Her pain meds were extremely important to her, so she saw me as the enemy. I can't tell you how many times I slept with her because she thought the room was on fire or water was pouring out of a TV. She wanted me to be with her, but my presence did not give her comfort. Actually, I think my presence did give her comfort, but the slightest thing would set her off and I was the target of her anger.
One time I was sleeping in the hospital room with her and the nurse came in to help change her and readjust her leg (she had fallen and broken her hip) the nurse said something about her life, nothing about my mom, and I smiled. That was it, my mom's demeanor changed instantly and she believed that I was against her. It was very painful for me. I would have loved to have had a talk with my mom during those difficult times, but I just could not find her. Believe me, I tried over and over again.
At some point during the end of her life, she told me she was afraid that she was loosing her mind. I told her it was just the pain meds, but she said no and that it had been going on for a long time. Maybe she had some dementia, but I always thought it was the pain meds. Who knows.
I wish every person who took on the care of a parent could take a class in how to manage it. That would have been huge for me. I came to understand things late and wish I could have prepared for them early. We think because we open our hearts we are prepared, but we are not prepared. At least I wasn't. Of course, this is just my perspective from looking back from my current now and with my dad's passing it brings up the loss of him, my mom and all that I wanted to be for them.
We do our best and in some ways it will always be lacking. That's just part of the human condition.
Well, I'm going to bed. Love you all and Stormy I'm glad you are here with us.
Thanks Cricket, Meanwhile and Stormy about the advice. I will need to weigh the pros ad cons. Father finds out that I'm paying it, he will get angry. At the moment, he's calling the hospital daily and harrassing them for making false bills trying to cheat him out of his money. I may have to give it several months to approach them - when he "Forgets" about this billing.
Cat, thanks for helping me to re-arrange my thinking towards sis. I realized after you posted about her broken parts that it is true. I just "forgot" that she never really recovered from it. I also realized that I must no longer view her as a co-caregiver sharing the burden evenly. I have to see her as a possible burden to my already burdened life. But, I still prefer that she stays with us than be on the road. We had an abusive childhood. I cannot think what male predators would do to a homeless female on the road. Thank you for helping me to revise my thinking of sis. I think by doing this, I won't be soooo stressed. I will just go with the flow of things. But, when we have our next family bbq, I will need to talk to her daughter about helping out with real food or cash to cover her mom's share - which I will insist she gives me the money and not her mom. I will still pay for sis to babysit parents Mon-Fridays, and still pay the paid caregiver for Saturdays and niece will cover Sunday mornings. (Last Sunday, I stayed home and we talked for hours but she fed the parents and suctioned mom. I just sat and relaxed.) ..Have to go now and do my caregiver duties. ....
FYI, the only reason I was able to save up $2000 is that I had NO LIFE! Since his stroke, I go to work, come straight home, and stuck on weekends. I couldn't shop or eat out until I found a babysitter. Shows how much money I spend when I'm bored and go out shopping/eating out on a Normal life!! ;-)
Coffee!!!!!! Ned it badly this morning! Tut, our near 20lb cat, likes to sleep with me. The last few nights he has been a real brat! On and off the bed several times a night. jumping up onto the tall dresser and knocking things off, and climbing all over me to get comfortable!!! I finally threw him out of the room at 6AM and managed to get an hour of uninterrupted sleep. Mom is an all night sleeper, thanks to Seroquel. Yes I know the side affects in the elderly with dementia. But because of the PD, she cannot sleep without it. the tremors will not let her body relax. This is why she is in constant motion all day. So if the pills help her to sleep, I;'m all for them. She wakes up refreshed and happy in the morning. Also, I take meds for restless leg syndrome, and they sometimes knock me out, so I need to be sure she sleeps well. For all of you living with dementia, if your family member does not have any other health issues and they keep you up at night, ask their doctor about Seroquel. I don't recommend taking it during the day. It makes Mom very groggy and hard to handle. Rip, keep that Havana room ready for me! You know I will be back some time next year! Does the kitty still come with the room? Jen, How did it feel to go out with a new outfit? Can't wait to see pictures! Kritini, Hate it when I write a long post and lose it! Stormy, Hope you like the fritters! Make sure you have a coffee ready! Cat, no fireplace, but cats on all the furniture. Neither my husband or I can sit without Tut joining us. Meanwhile, Mama kitty was a true feral, but after she was fixed, she calmed down a lot. She lets us pet her and touch her everywhere, even her belly. She doen't like to be picked up, and still won't jump onto our laps, but she really loves human contact now and even likes to play! All that was so foreign to her before. It took us over a year of much hard work to get her to this point. We would like to take her in, but she still enjoys her freedom too much. Book, tough situation with your dad. I would still talk to someone at the hospital and explain your situation. At least you would know where they stand and you wouldn't have to be so worried about it. Okay, time to get Mom up and ready for daycare. Ugh!
Deef, I guess that will be one of my To-Do List when I'm on leave from work on the week of 22Oct. I've already made an appointment for my car, now his hospital bill, and his 2ndary private insurace. Tired... I am trying to go with the flow of his conversation. It works but sometimes I slip and correct him. He said that I made him a sandwich today and that he doesn't want his - so I can have it. He pointed to the table where I had made the sandwich. I didn't make him sandwich. And I didn't see any on the table. Sorry, getting dizzy. Time to sign out.
Cat- Thank you for sharing your story about your relationship with your mom. I'm sure that wasn't easy opening up old wounds. I am still thinking and praying for you for some peace in your life. Sometimes we just never know what is going on in our elders minds, we just have to trust, that they know that we are doing all that we can to help them in the end. And that is really all we can do cause i think alot of times things happen and we are all just thrown into the caregiving act, not fully knowing what all (caregiving) intells. I know that's how it was with me and my sister. We just had no idea what all we had to do. Cat- please don't beat yourself up about the relationship with your mom. You did the best that you could and that's all anyone asks. Love you! (((hugs))) Deef- Oh don't worry i will have the coffee ready and waiting on the apple fritters. Hehe.... I'm sure it will be delicious, that is if i cook it right. I will let u know. Book- You might want to go by the hospital and tell them that it might be a couple of months before you can start making payments and let them in on your situation with how your dad is about paying for any of your mom's supply, medical care, etc. and just let them know that you are going to pay them. (((hugs))
I am also thinking of another friend who is hurting today, her name is Emjo. I know her from another thread on here. Today is her son's birthday and it is also the 10th one that he has spent in heaven. She is a very sweet lady. I'm sure some of you know her. She posts on the dysfuntional thread that cmagnum has. Going to drop her a line on there this morning, hoping maybe it will brighten her day a little. Love and hugs to all Stormy.
Cat and everyone here, I still have two more pages of posts to catch up but before doing that and forgetting what I am thinking now I figure I better say it now..haha
You are all my cup of tea this morning! I guess we are all crazy in love with our pets and will do just about anything for them. I believe God made animals for us to teach us about loyalty and unconditional love.
Quick story since we are talking animals... My sister in law's dog died yesterday. She had a sad face on her facebook so gave her a call. I felt bad for her-wierd thing is tho-and this seemed to make it easier for her somehow...the dog was her mom's dog-and her mom died 7 years ago to the very day! She feels her mom was calling her dog home to her and making sure everyone knew he would be with her! Talk about loving your animals! I thought it was so sweet when her mom died that kids got a bouquet of flowers for the casket-and signed it from all the dogs their mom had had over the years! There were quite a few names on the card! We do cherish our animals.
hello Ladys Im past my 30 day mark from being home been hard but Ive managed through some tears and seems like alot more smile it helps that the cousin i stay with is the funniest person ever... She is one you can always count on to visit and get the kids and animals all hyper then leave now she stuck with me for awhile. MIL was placed in NH hubby and SIL dont see how i did it for a year Ive got some amusing txt from sil oh tracy she was sad this am b4 work I was like UH yea been telling u 4 year how u cant say nothing to her till after meds and breakfast or she crys...oh i forgot then yesterday was i painted her nails and today its off I said did u leave a file with her she takes it off with file in 5 min OH well Yes she was given one and i didnt know that...UGH Then todays was could u go by and check on mom i work next 2 days..... I said sure if I had lisence money or gas Let me ask your brother & ill get back with u LOrd peoplen really... Thank u ladys for including me on facebook..now i can see all your pretty faces of the ones who have been there 4 me thank you all sooo much yesterday My mom has been gone 5 LONG years she was given 3 months with cancer & survived 3 years and good ones but I was her caretaker and she was the best on one of her last days someone would say how are u she would say im fine how Are U???I know i wasnt the only one missing her she was loved by MANY ...... Best MOM EVER!!! LOVE U ALL!!!
Havent been here in a while, but today put me over the top. Went to visit Mother at the board and care she is in. The caregiver told me that she's been having trouble transferring to the portable commode because of weakness in her legs-but she refuses to wear a nighttime diaper-which I can certainly understand-up to a point. When I got to her room she told me she'd found a "new method"---to pee in the flower vase! God knows how she did this, but she wanted me to empty it and not tell the caregivers!!! EEEK
Hey nins! good to see you and man oh man do I get it. Mom and I were guests at a friend's house one time and when we woke up in the morning, mom dropped a duece in the wastebasket...... Thankfully the lady had one of those little plastic bag liners. omg omg omg.
Nins, that is hilarious!!! Amazing what they can come up with. Long day today. Mom got up fine and off to daycare without a hitch. Got a few things done and went to the grocery store. Was so tired when I got home, I got undressed and climbed between the sheets for an hour. Not sure if it's the cooler, rainy weather or just plain over tired. When I picked up Mom at daycare, they told me she wouldn't eat lunch and just sat with her eyes closed. She looked very tired. It wasn't easy getting her into the car and back out again. Once I got her into the house, I gave her the 3:30 meds up put her on the toilet, then to bed. She napped (rested) for over an hour and was fine when she got up. She ate every bit of supper and was pretty tired again by bedtime. Had a little trouble getting her diaper on, as she could barely stand at that point. She was sleeping as soon as her head hit the pillow. Rained most of the day today, so the pool didn't get covered. But I did get Mom's air conditioners out and made a nice big pot of homemade soup for supper. Got 2 down blankets washed and ready for the colder weather. I mailed out my 2 applications for holiday fairs that are scheduled for the last Saturday in November and the first one in December. Now I need to get to cutting out wood pieces to paint and get some last minute knitting done. I don't make a lot of $$, but it keeps me busy and gets me painting again, even if for just a little while. And I can deduct all kinds of stuff at tax time. Cricket, You ready for your trip? Mame, we love our animals! Tbailey, you sound like you are going to be just fine. Your cousin sounds like a real gem and the rest of your family is sounding like they are very proud of you. Keep up the good work! Stormy, how did your day go? Jen, you out there somewhere? FP go to daycare today? Cat, meanwhile, Rip, everybody else, how was your day? I guess no news is good news, or maybe you are all in a different time zone from me. It's close to 10pm here and I'll be winding down and heading to bed soon. Diane, what's up? Talked to you on FB a bit and hoping you are okay. Bobbie, Mine just drops bombs in my hand when I'm washing her! Sometimes it ends up being used as soap. Then we really have a mess! The joys of Care giving!!! I have a date with a sink full of dishes!
Hi everyone! It's SS. Still alive and hanging on by a thread... you have to read this thread, "How do you handle sibling disagreements over care of parents? "
Made me want to puke so I answered back. I don't like puking, not this early in the morning!!!!
Deef- I had a 21-yr old cat till we had to put her down. Weather turning cooler here....Absentee brother for 2.5 years coming on Monday. I said he could stay with me but I plan on kicking his ass. Dad still in NH and very unhappy. Most likely will get kicked out because he is so nasty. No amount of meds seem to control his anger with being institutionalized. Sad, but no options, no money and no help from anyone....same story, different shitty day. Wish I had more good to say right now.
Was in such good place for days! Have fallen back into the hole. It always comes back to this and being/staying positive is so much work! Cleaned out a closet yesterday and some kind of insect-not sure if it is a tick or spider or what-burrowed into my arm. It just never ends... At least mom is happy-she got her hair done and feels like a queen! Happy Thursday! Mame
Hi Mame, sorry, I've seen you posted often but never got around to reading your profile. I'm a bit exhausted at the moment since it's 1115pm. But I wanted to comment on something that I read on your profile.
1. I'm glad that your mom is nice - which makes it so much easier to care for her. (Think of someone who is mean and abusive to you - a bully when you were growing up - think of posing that bully as your parent. So, I'm glad that your mom is nice!)
2. My family does help me if I need someone to babysit - I just have to find them first and then corner them. If they don't want to watch - they never respond to my text. No response means no. I just wish that they just text back: Sorry, we have plans.
3. I sure know what you mean about asking, and asking and asking for sibs to help. It sure feels like begging to me! After a while, I got tired of "begging." And I think this was where I started going down that deep dark tunnel.
So, I can see why you keep coming out of the tunnel and then going back in. Too tired to think, now...Sorry! I was trying to beat my exhaustion before my brain shuts down. I just wanted you to know that we know exactly how you feel!
Since you're home a lot due to caregiving, are you able to start up a hobby that you enjoyed as a kid or teenager? If you used to draw, are you able to go back to that? Just buy a drawing pad and draw. Get comfortable enough, then maybe you can draw your mom? Or whatever it is that you loved before, maybe bring back into your life. And maybe turn that hobby into small cash. Dizziness now hitting...Time to go!!! HUGS!!!!
Deef- Yesterday was a bad day for me. Not because of dad but because of some health issues of my own i have been dealing with for the last several weeks. And everything just kinda came to a head yesterday. I can't really talk about it right now cause i have got to get to dads, but i will try to fill everyone in on what is going on. Just worried, depressed, and feeling very tired today. : ( I am grateful that i have all of you to talk to cause right now i feel like i need all the friends i can get. Hugs to you all. Stormy .
Hope you're going to be ok Stormy. Remember to breathe and if that doesn't work tell anyone who is bothering you to piss up a rope. You've got friends here so just Vent and Live.
Book! I spent time in the Marshalls when I was a kid and got irradiated by a nighttime air detonation over Bikini. Night turned into a brighter day than I have ever seen before or since and even though I was little I knew that I had seen something awesome and terrible. Hope your family steps up and takes some of that tremendous pressure off of you. And if they don't, may they break out in weeping boils between their buttcheeks. Add some beach sand to that and as they walk they will saw themselves in half.
Everybody, I love you all and where is Austin!!??!! June, how are you doing and where have you been? I have been feeling so punk it has been hard for me to write my trademark offensive material and keep track of us all. Rip! great to see you posting and hug all the animals.
Everybody, know I love you all and let's get back to counting out boat time. I think DEEF!! was the last to get it and she's got quite a pile of boat credits there....
For everyone: Boat time occurs when you make the 00 post as the next boat time will be 24,800. This is a real boat that has been in refit for over 2 years (real OLD boat) and we want to get back to offering a cabin to a caregiver at a time for a few days respite if you can get away. The boat is in increasingly better condition as we continue to refurbish her.
The boat is no longer where it was when others have visited but where it is now is a lovely, peaceful environment with great people.
Hang in there, Stormy. Thinking about u. And Mame, I'll give you ten fingers up out of the hole we are in, if you promise to pull me up once ur out!!! hee, hee!!
Amen Diane!!! Beautiful, windy, sunny fall day here in New England. Mt favorite time of the year!!!! Had to go to Lowe's for a few things, so we stopped at the town park on the way back home and walked along the river. Gorgeous views as the water sparkled like diamonds from the sun. Lifted my spirits and made me feel more alive than usual. Sure know about that black hole! Crawl in myself every once and a while.SS, I have 6 sibs and don't see or hear from any of them very often, and 2 of them maybe twice a year. My oldest brother who is 2 years younger than me, lives on the next street and rarely stops, but when he does, he always gives me a couple hundred dollars. Guess it makes him feel better, and I certainly know it helps out here! The youngest of my sisters is POA and she finally stopped by last week, but all she does is go one about where she's been and when her next vacation is. She goes by the house at least 2 times a day on her way to and from work. My baby brother is a musician and full time father, so his hands are full and he's 45 minutes away. But he is good about buying Mom's diaper supplies and will sit with her if I need him to. Second youngest sister and brother are totally useless and will probably be looking for $$ when Mom dies, but there will be none of that! The house is already signed over to me, and I'll make sure all the $$ is used on Mom. My older sister is in Virginia and sends $$ all the tile and stays for 2 weeks every summer, to help me out. If it weren't for mom's LTC, I would have very little help at all. Of course we have almost exhausted those funds in the past 4 years, so after the first of the year, the sibs may find themselves chipping in for Mom's care.Yeah right!!! Mame, get that arm checked out just in case. If it looks like it's getting worse, get your butt to the doctor pronto!! Book, hobbies are great and I find knitting to be my salvation. I have restless leg syndrome and need to keep myself busy with something in order to be able to sit and watch TV. I also paint, but don't have the space to leave my project out, so I only paint around the holidays to make some extra cash and gifts. Stormy, Unfortunately, most care givers have health issues due to major stress. It manifests itself in all kinds of ailments. Let us know how you are when you get a moment to yourself! Got to get some work done on the pool.Be back later!!!
This is a drive-by since it’s 630am & will need to do parents, breakfast and rush to work.
I’ve been reading several threads and haven’t seen Austin. Stormy, write when you can about the situation with yourself. Deef – I agree with you – Good luck in trying to get sibs to contribute $$!
Bobbie – regarding that nighttime detonation over Bikini – I saw a documentary on it. The military didn’t even evacuate the locals until afterwards. The locals had burned and/or peeling skins – men, women and children. The after-effects of the bomb spread to the surrounding islands…even to the island where I live. I saw on another program that a military doctor was keeping track of the radiation level on our island. When he saw how high it went, he wanted to alert the public. His superiors did Not. So, like what military always does when they have a problem person (rapes, etc..too), they ship them off to another location. Hey, that sounds like how the Catholic church does with it’s pediophile priests! Oopss. Sorry for those who are Catholic – Not all priest are like that. and I’m getting off the subject.)…Anyway, the man is now retired and is now speaking up. On this island – we have a very high rate of cancers – thyroid, breast, ovarian, prostate. Professionals on the mainland has also stated the high rate. I think it’s the military with the radiation bomb of years ago at Bikini AND they are burying deep into our ground their “wastes.” Why else the high rate of cancer? Almost every family had a family member or know of one who had cancer. My 10yr old niece died of bone cancer....no family history of cancer on either parent's sides. ...
Evening Mateys, I'm so tired from all the prep work before my trip. 3 more days and I will be out of here! I've read everyone's posts but I'm to tired to say much other than stay out of the black hole! Deef, thanks for asking about me. xoxo About the sibs. I have a selfish sib out in CA and I'm not even going to visit him while there. He can come see me at my daughters if he wants. I will give him an earful. LOL Bookworm....please see a doctor about your dizzy spells. I'm worried about you. xoxo Love you all. Bobbie that is so generous of you to offer a couple days here and there for respite for those who can do it. You are such a blessing. SS it's nice to see you post. Hang in there! *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
well. I covered all that I could in the yard. Going to be freezing temps the next few nights. I was trying to keep the raspberry bushes, green pepper plants and cherry tomatoes going for a while, but this may be the end. I'll see how everything did in the morning. Mom has a UTI again. I had a feeling when she started acting a bit off lat weekend. She had a couple bad days followed by a few good, but today she didn't pee all day and her diaper was dark and stinky tonight. She is leaning to the left and sleeping more and having anxiety spells today. So it's off to daycare tomorrow and a call to her doctor to beg for antibiotics without having to drag her to the office. If they want to see her, I will just take her to the ER and sit for a few hours while they get a sample with a catheter. There is no way to get a clean sample from her otherwise. I know all the right words to say to get them to prescribe over the phone, but with the weekend coming, and this always happens on the weekend, I'm not taking any chances. Just one more thing to deal with! I never did get the pool covered AGAIN!! And I didn't get that apple pie made yet, but there is always tomorrow! Cricket, can I come with you??? Bobbie, make room for me on the boat. I'll even cook for you and swab the decks! I just want to get away from here!!! Hey Jen, you out there tonight??? Stormy, How about you? Cat, Meanwhile,Lildeb, Rena, Judy,Kritini, Justme, Diane??? Where is everybody????
Deef!!!! I'm here and thanks for asking. Makes my heart soar. Judy is leaving tomorrow for a family reunion, taking her mom on the trip to hell. She will be back in a week or so, but has said if we don't hear from her to check the psych wards on the east coast. I'll write more tomorrow. Had some things I wanted to add and wish for all, but was busy today with sibs and paperwork.
Deef and all, sending you love.
Bobbie: Get over feeling punky. I miss your raw comments. Always made me LMAO and we can all use that.
Cricket: Sending you wishes for the best two weeks of your life.
DEEF! We will have a good time with this here boat!
I just got back from WalMart with some 5 dollar shirts and a pair of 3 dollar shorts. a regular fashion plate I am. Washing machine broke and I needed more than the 2 shirts I had if I am going to do the laundromat thing for a few weeks. The engine room is hard on your clothes and I have torn more shirts down there. When I tried going down without a shirt on I ended up with a scratched tittie.
Book! Ya, a very bad thing that the government has done as far as not owning up to their mistakes, murders and mayhem. I know that the cancer rates there are off the charts and wouldn't be surprised at whatever lengths some will go to cover it all up. Remember hearing about Yucca Mountain in Nevada? Was built to be a nuclear dump site against the wishes of the State of Nevada. The reason? Built over a fault line. No amount of argument would dissuade the gov't from putting it there, fault line and all. Crazy. My sincere condolences on the awful loss of your 10 year old niece and all of the loss that you all face on a daily basis. Tragic.
As far as taking shots at a church or two, probably not going to offend any on this thread since some of us figured, long ago when we all started posting here, that there are many forums for the religious types so this one could be for those who don't necessarily line up with the 'God won't give you more than you can handle' bs. We all know that isn't true cause if it was there would be no suicides. Love God, just don't care for man's interpretation. Follow the money. I know I used to write here that if anyone tells you that you're earning your crown in heaven for dealing with the stresses of caregiving, I empower you to introduce them to a lead pipe.
Beware of dogma and let's hear it for uppity women.
Thanks Cricket for the kind words and when the next caregiver can get away I will take that as an excuse to finally get the BBQ I've been eyeballing for the cockpit (back porch) of the boat. Can't wait to grill and have boat drinks. Already have a packet of little umbrellas.
Good to see you SS and FLEX!! and stormy I hope you made it through the day ok with your health issues. I know that it has to be so difficult to cope with that as well as caregiving. Hope you get better.
Rena, how are you coping with the loss of your kitty? Hope Austin is ok. Cat how are you doing because I know that your dad's passing was only a few weeks ago. Kuli!! I know you just had an anniversary. Sad anniversaries these are.
Love you ladies and to all I didn't mention, not because I don't love you all but because I am still not quite back from the brink yet and am still a little disorganized. Way better than I was though. While we are all sending positive thoughts and angels to those who need, please include my Boat Angel. I am afraid that he is getting sick again. I worry for him constantly and hope against hope that he is not going to succumb to the cancer. Last blood test he was still in remission but barely and now he is getting weaker. I don't know if he can tolerate another round of chemo. His kidneys are barely working as it is. Waaaaaaa.
Thank you all for the comments. I appreciate them. As i said earlier this morning i have been dealing with some health issues of my own, I was not really sure that it was anything of importance until yesterday. Tuesday i went to have bloodwork done and to just talk to my dr about the symptoms that i have been having. Which were: fatigue, weakness, confusion, memory loss, depression, constipation, bloating, indentions of the fingernails, irratability, loss of appetite, weight gain, nausea and maybe some more that i can not think of right now. The symptoms have been getting worse the last couple of weeks. Well yesterday the lab tect called and told me that i have hypothyroidism. She said that my level was a 17 and that it was high, and the dr was going to start me on synthoid. And that is all fine and dandy. But what some of you don't know is that my dad has thyroid cancer, he had a 4cm tumor removed from his thyroid gland. A total thyroidectomy. My father has this cancer, his mother had esophageal cancer, and my dad had 2 aunts that had goiters on their necks. And now i get this news. And i am frecking out. I am scared. I have done the thyroid check on my neck and something looks a little off. Not really sure if i am seeing anything. So i called my dr and schedule yet another appt for in the morning for her to do the thyroid check and make sure their are no lumps on my thyroid gland. I just don't know what i will do if she finds anything. I will be a basketcase, i am about there now. I was crying yesterday to my husband while i was telling him what the lab tech told me. I just have so many questions, and no answers and i am scared to get the answers. Sure i maybe expected something like this to happen to me when i am 60 or 70. NOT while i am 41 years old. I went to dads today and everytime i looked at him i kept thinking, well this could be me sooner than i think. I know i am jumping way ahead of myself, but i am trying to be realistic too. Ever since dad has gotten sick and has had to have this trach, i have told my family that I DID NOT want a trach. I am sorry but they are the grosses things, i know i have had to deal with them now for almost 3 years. I am seriously thinking about just having the thyroid removed all together and then maybe that would cut down on the risks of having thyroid cancer and goiters. So i am asking ya'll please say a prayer tomorrow morning that this doctor does not find a lump or any type of cancer in my neck. I will report back in the morning and let all of ya'll know what she tells me. All my love and hugs to you all. Thank you! Stormy
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Book- I would go to the hospital and talk to them there about setting up a monthly payment plan, and just tell them about how your dad is and see what is the least amount that you would have to pay and then maybe your dad will not notice when the funds are missing. It's worth a try. Hope this helps. Love and hugs!
Deef- I went to the doctor today for myself and i was fasting so they could check my blood sugar levels, and i could not have any coffee this morning until i got back home. Boy, it sure was foreign to get up and not fix a cup of coffee. I'm glad that's over, i love my coffee as you can tell. I probably drink too much of it oh well at least it's not liquor i am indulging in. I plan on trying the apple fritters this weekend, i will let you know how they turn out. Thanks again for the recipe. hugs
Rena- I am so sorry for the loss of your cat, it is heartbreaking to have to have them put down. We've had several that we had to have put to sleep and it is just terrible. I have 2 cats and a chihuahua/yorkie mix and they are my babies. I will keep you in my prayers that some peace will come to you. (((hugs)))
I know i missed some of you, just know that I keep all of you in my prayers for a better tomorrow and happier days. Much love and hugs stormyy
Stormy: My mom just seemed to single me out as the person to be angry with. Of course, I was the only one with her all the time, so I guess that's reasonable. My sibs were out of state, so it was my responsibility to be the primary caregiver. I always thought her behavior was to do with her pain meds. Some she could tolerate and others just pushed her over the edge. I tried to limit her pain meds to those that would give her relief, but also keep her mind in tact. From her perspective, she thought I was against her pain meds, which was not the case but was how she saw it. Her pain meds were extremely important to her, so she saw me as the enemy. I can't tell you how many times I slept with her because she thought the room was on fire or water was pouring out of a TV. She wanted me to be with her, but my presence did not give her comfort. Actually, I think my presence did give her comfort, but the slightest thing would set her off and I was the target of her anger.
One time I was sleeping in the hospital room with her and the nurse came in to help change her and readjust her leg (she had fallen and broken her hip) the nurse said something about her life, nothing about my mom, and I smiled. That was it, my mom's demeanor changed instantly and she believed that I was against her. It was very painful for me. I would have loved to have had a talk with my mom during those difficult times, but I just could not find her. Believe me, I tried over and over again.
At some point during the end of her life, she told me she was afraid that she was loosing her mind. I told her it was just the pain meds, but she said no and that it had been going on for a long time. Maybe she had some dementia, but I always thought it was the pain meds. Who knows.
I wish every person who took on the care of a parent could take a class in how to manage it. That would have been huge for me. I came to understand things late and wish I could have prepared for them early. We think because we open our hearts we are prepared, but we are not prepared. At least I wasn't. Of course, this is just my perspective from looking back from my current now and with my dad's passing it brings up the loss of him, my mom and all that I wanted to be for them.
We do our best and in some ways it will always be lacking. That's just part of the human condition.
Well, I'm going to bed. Love you all and Stormy I'm glad you are here with us.
Love, Cat
Cat, thanks for helping me to re-arrange my thinking towards sis. I realized after you posted about her broken parts that it is true. I just "forgot" that she never really recovered from it. I also realized that I must no longer view her as a co-caregiver sharing the burden evenly. I have to see her as a possible burden to my already burdened life. But, I still prefer that she stays with us than be on the road. We had an abusive childhood. I cannot think what male predators would do to a homeless female on the road. Thank you for helping me to revise my thinking of sis. I think by doing this, I won't be soooo stressed. I will just go with the flow of things. But, when we have our next family bbq, I will need to talk to her daughter about helping out with real food or cash to cover her mom's share - which I will insist she gives me the money and not her mom. I will still pay for sis to babysit parents Mon-Fridays, and still pay the paid caregiver for Saturdays and niece will cover Sunday mornings. (Last Sunday, I stayed home and we talked for hours but she fed the parents and suctioned mom. I just sat and relaxed.)
..Have to go now and do my caregiver duties. ....
sleep, I;'m all for them. She wakes up refreshed and happy in the morning. Also, I take meds for restless leg syndrome, and they sometimes knock me out, so I need to be sure she sleeps well. For all of you living with dementia, if your family member does not have any other health issues and they keep you up at night, ask their doctor about Seroquel. I don't recommend taking it during the day. It makes Mom very groggy and hard to handle.
Rip, keep that Havana room ready for me! You know I will be back some time next year! Does the kitty still come with the room?
Jen, How did it feel to go out with a new outfit? Can't wait to see pictures!
Kritini, Hate it when I write a long post and lose it!
Stormy, Hope you like the fritters! Make sure you have a coffee ready!
Cat, no fireplace, but cats on all the furniture. Neither my husband or I can sit without Tut joining us.
Meanwhile, Mama kitty was a true feral, but after she was fixed, she calmed down a lot. She lets us pet her and touch her everywhere, even her belly. She doen't like to be picked up, and still won't jump onto our laps, but she really loves human contact now and even likes to play! All that was so foreign to her before. It took us over a year of much hard work to get her to this point. We would like to take her in, but she still enjoys her freedom too much.
Book, tough situation with your dad. I would still talk to someone at the hospital and explain your situation. At least you would know where they stand and you wouldn't have to be so worried about it.
Okay, time to get Mom up and ready for daycare. Ugh!
Deef- Oh don't worry i will have the coffee ready and waiting on the apple fritters. Hehe.... I'm sure it will be delicious, that is if i cook it right. I will let u know.
Book- You might want to go by the hospital and tell them that it might be a couple of months before you can start making payments and let them in on your situation with how your dad is about paying for any of your mom's supply, medical care, etc. and just let them know that you are going to pay them. (((hugs))
I am also thinking of another friend who is hurting today, her name is Emjo. I know her from another thread on here. Today is her son's birthday and it is also the 10th one that he has spent in heaven. She is a very sweet lady. I'm sure some of you know her. She posts on the dysfuntional thread that cmagnum has. Going to drop her a line on there this morning, hoping maybe it will brighten her day a little. Love and hugs to all Stormy.
You are all my cup of tea this morning! I guess we are all crazy in love with our pets and will do just about anything for them. I believe God made animals for us to teach us about loyalty and unconditional love.
Okay back to reading now..
Chirp chirp!
Mom and I were guests at a friend's house one time and when we woke up in the morning, mom dropped a duece in the wastebasket......
Thankfully the lady had one of those little plastic bag liners. omg omg omg.
Everybody stay as strong as you can.
lovbob
Long day today. Mom got up fine and off to daycare without a hitch. Got a few things done and went to the grocery store. Was so tired when I got home, I got undressed and climbed between the sheets for an hour. Not sure if it's the cooler, rainy weather or just plain over tired. When I picked up Mom at daycare, they told me she wouldn't eat lunch and just sat with her eyes closed. She looked very tired. It wasn't easy getting her into the car and back out again. Once I got her into the house, I gave her the 3:30 meds up put her on the toilet, then to bed. She napped (rested) for over an hour and was fine when she got up. She ate every bit of supper and was pretty tired again by bedtime. Had a little trouble getting her diaper on, as she could barely stand at that point. She was sleeping as soon as her head hit the pillow.
Rained most of the day today, so the pool didn't get covered. But I did get Mom's air conditioners out and made a nice big pot of homemade soup for supper. Got 2 down blankets washed and ready for the colder weather. I mailed out my 2 applications for holiday fairs that are scheduled for the last Saturday in November and the first one in December. Now I need to get to cutting out wood pieces to paint and get some last minute knitting done. I don't make a lot of $$, but it keeps me busy and gets me painting again, even if for just a little while. And I can deduct all kinds of stuff at tax time.
Cricket, You ready for your trip?
Mame, we love our animals!
Tbailey, you sound like you are going to be just fine. Your cousin sounds like a real gem and the rest of your family is sounding like they are very proud of you. Keep up the good work!
Stormy, how did your day go?
Jen, you out there somewhere? FP go to daycare today?
Cat, meanwhile, Rip, everybody else, how was your day? I guess no news is good news, or maybe you are all in a different time zone from me. It's close to 10pm here and I'll be winding down and heading to bed soon.
Diane, what's up? Talked to you on FB a bit and hoping you are okay.
Bobbie, Mine just drops bombs in my hand when I'm washing her! Sometimes it ends up being used as soap. Then we really have a mess! The joys of Care giving!!!
I have a date with a sink full of dishes!
Made me want to puke so I answered back. I don't like puking, not this early in the morning!!!!
Deef- I had a 21-yr old cat till we had to put her down. Weather turning cooler here....Absentee brother for 2.5 years coming on Monday. I said he could stay with me but I plan on kicking his ass. Dad still in NH and very unhappy. Most likely will get kicked out because he is so nasty. No amount of meds seem to control his anger with being institutionalized. Sad, but no options, no money and no help from anyone....same story, different shitty day. Wish I had more good to say right now.
Luv u all,
SS
1. I'm glad that your mom is nice - which makes it so much easier to care for her. (Think of someone who is mean and abusive to you - a bully when you were growing up - think of posing that bully as your parent. So, I'm glad that your mom is nice!)
2. My family does help me if I need someone to babysit - I just have to find them first and then corner them. If they don't want to watch - they never respond to my text. No response means no. I just wish that they just text back: Sorry, we have plans.
3. I sure know what you mean about asking, and asking and asking for sibs to help. It sure feels like begging to me! After a while, I got tired of "begging." And I think this was where I started going down that deep dark tunnel.
So, I can see why you keep coming out of the tunnel and then going back in. Too tired to think, now...Sorry! I was trying to beat my exhaustion before my brain shuts down. I just wanted you to know that we know exactly how you feel!
Since you're home a lot due to caregiving, are you able to start up a hobby that you enjoyed as a kid or teenager? If you used to draw, are you able to go back to that? Just buy a drawing pad and draw. Get comfortable enough, then maybe you can draw your mom? Or whatever it is that you loved before, maybe bring back into your life. And maybe turn that hobby into small cash. Dizziness now hitting...Time to go!!! HUGS!!!!
Hope you're going to be ok Stormy. Remember to breathe and if that doesn't work tell anyone who is bothering you to piss up a rope.
You've got friends here so just Vent and Live.
Book! I spent time in the Marshalls when I was a kid and got irradiated by a nighttime air detonation over Bikini. Night turned into a brighter day than I have ever seen before or since and even though I was little I knew that I had seen something awesome and terrible.
Hope your family steps up and takes some of that tremendous pressure off of you.
And if they don't, may they break out in weeping boils between their buttcheeks. Add some beach sand to that and as they walk they will saw themselves in half.
Everybody, I love you all and where is Austin!!??!!
June, how are you doing and where have you been?
I have been feeling so punk it has been hard for me to write my trademark offensive material and keep track of us all.
Rip! great to see you posting and hug all the animals.
Everybody, know I love you all and let's get back to counting out boat time. I think DEEF!! was the last to get it and she's got quite a pile of boat credits there....
For everyone: Boat time occurs when you make the 00 post as the next boat time will be 24,800.
This is a real boat that has been in refit for over 2 years (real OLD boat) and we want to get back to offering a cabin to a caregiver at a time for a few days respite if you can get away.
The boat is in increasingly better condition as we continue to refurbish her.
The boat is no longer where it was when others have visited but where it is now is a lovely, peaceful environment with great people.
OK, have to go topside and do some housekeeping.
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
xo
-SS
Sure know about that black hole! Crawl in myself every once and a while.SS, I have 6 sibs and don't see or hear from any of them very often, and 2 of them maybe twice a year. My oldest brother who is 2 years younger than me, lives on the next street and rarely stops, but when he does, he always gives me a couple hundred dollars. Guess it makes him feel better, and I certainly know it helps out here! The youngest of my sisters is POA and she finally stopped by last week, but all she does is go one about where she's been and when her next vacation is. She goes by the house at least 2 times a day on her way to and from work. My baby brother is a musician and full time father, so his hands are full and he's 45 minutes away. But he is good about buying Mom's diaper supplies and will sit with her if I need him to. Second youngest sister and brother are totally useless and will probably be looking for $$ when Mom dies, but there will be none of that! The house is already signed over to me, and I'll make sure all the $$ is used on Mom. My older sister is in Virginia and sends $$ all the tile and stays for 2 weeks every summer, to help me out. If it weren't for mom's LTC, I would have very little help at all. Of course we have almost exhausted those funds in the past 4 years, so after the first of the year, the sibs may find themselves chipping in for Mom's care.Yeah right!!!
Mame, get that arm checked out just in case. If it looks like it's getting worse, get your butt to the doctor pronto!!
Book, hobbies are great and I find knitting to be my salvation. I have restless leg syndrome and need to keep myself busy with something in order to be able to sit and watch TV. I also paint, but don't have the space to leave my project out, so I only paint around the holidays to make some extra cash and gifts.
Stormy, Unfortunately, most care givers have health issues due to major stress. It manifests itself in all kinds of ailments. Let us know how you are when you get a moment to yourself!
Got to get some work done on the pool.Be back later!!!
I’ve been reading several threads and haven’t seen Austin.
Stormy, write when you can about the situation with yourself.
Deef – I agree with you – Good luck in trying to get sibs to contribute $$!
Bobbie – regarding that nighttime detonation over Bikini – I saw a documentary on it. The military didn’t even evacuate the locals until afterwards. The locals had burned and/or peeling skins – men, women and children. The after-effects of the bomb spread to the surrounding islands…even to the island where I live. I saw on another program that a military doctor was keeping track of the radiation level on our island. When he saw how high it went, he wanted to alert the public. His superiors did Not. So, like what military always does when they have a problem person (rapes, etc..too), they ship them off to another location. Hey, that sounds like how the Catholic church does with it’s pediophile priests! Oopss. Sorry for those who are Catholic – Not all priest are like that. and I’m getting off the subject.)…Anyway, the man is now retired and is now speaking up. On this island – we have a very high rate of cancers – thyroid, breast, ovarian, prostate. Professionals on the mainland has also stated the high rate. I think it’s the military with the radiation bomb of years ago at Bikini AND they are burying deep into our ground their “wastes.” Why else the high rate of cancer? Almost every family had a family member or know of one who had cancer. My 10yr old niece died of bone cancer....no family history of cancer on either parent's sides. ...
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Mom has a UTI again. I had a feeling when she started acting a bit off lat weekend. She had a couple bad days followed by a few good, but today she didn't pee all day and her diaper was dark and stinky tonight. She is leaning to the left and sleeping more and having anxiety spells today. So it's off to daycare tomorrow and a call to her doctor to beg for antibiotics without having to drag her to the office. If they want to see her, I will just take her to the ER and sit for a few hours while they get a sample with a catheter. There is no way to get a clean sample from her otherwise. I know all the right words to say to get them to prescribe over the phone, but with the weekend coming, and this always happens on the weekend, I'm not taking any chances. Just one more thing to deal with!
I never did get the pool covered AGAIN!! And I didn't get that apple pie made yet, but there is always tomorrow!
Cricket, can I come with you???
Bobbie, make room for me on the boat. I'll even cook for you and swab the decks! I just want to get away from here!!!
Hey Jen, you out there tonight???
Stormy, How about you?
Cat, Meanwhile,Lildeb, Rena, Judy,Kritini, Justme, Diane??? Where is everybody????
Deef and all, sending you love.
Bobbie: Get over feeling punky. I miss your raw comments. Always made me LMAO and we can all use that.
Cricket: Sending you wishes for the best two weeks of your life.
I'll catch up. Love you all, Cat
DEEF! We will have a good time with this here boat!
I just got back from WalMart with some 5 dollar shirts and a pair of 3 dollar shorts.
a regular fashion plate I am. Washing machine broke and I needed more than the 2 shirts I had if I am going to do the laundromat thing for a few weeks.
The engine room is hard on your clothes and I have torn more shirts down there.
When I tried going down without a shirt on I ended up with a scratched tittie.
Book! Ya, a very bad thing that the government has done as far as not owning up to their mistakes, murders and mayhem. I know that the cancer rates there are off the charts and wouldn't be surprised at whatever lengths some will go to cover it all up.
Remember hearing about Yucca Mountain in Nevada? Was built to be a nuclear dump site against the wishes of the State of Nevada. The reason? Built over a fault line. No amount of argument would dissuade the gov't from putting it there, fault line and all. Crazy.
My sincere condolences on the awful loss of your 10 year old niece and all of the loss that you all face on a daily basis. Tragic.
As far as taking shots at a church or two, probably not going to offend any on this thread since some of us figured, long ago when we all started posting here, that there are many forums for the religious types so this one could be for those who don't necessarily line up with the 'God won't give you more than you can handle' bs. We all know that isn't true cause if it was there would be no suicides.
Love God, just don't care for man's interpretation. Follow the money.
I know I used to write here that if anyone tells you that you're earning your crown in heaven for dealing with the stresses of caregiving, I empower you to introduce them to a lead pipe.
Beware of dogma and let's hear it for uppity women.
Thanks Cricket for the kind words and when the next caregiver can get away I will take that as an excuse to finally get the BBQ I've been eyeballing for the cockpit (back porch) of the boat.
Can't wait to grill and have boat drinks. Already have a packet of little umbrellas.
Good to see you SS and FLEX!! and stormy I hope you made it through the day ok with your health issues. I know that it has to be so difficult to cope with that as well as caregiving. Hope you get better.
Rena, how are you coping with the loss of your kitty?
Hope Austin is ok.
Cat how are you doing because I know that your dad's passing was only a few weeks ago.
Kuli!! I know you just had an anniversary. Sad anniversaries these are.
Love you ladies and to all I didn't mention, not because I don't love you all but because I am still not quite back from the brink yet and am still a little disorganized. Way better than I was though.
While we are all sending positive thoughts and angels to those who need, please include my Boat Angel. I am afraid that he is getting sick again. I worry for him constantly and hope against hope that he is not going to succumb to the cancer. Last blood test he was still in remission but barely and now he is getting weaker. I don't know if he can tolerate another round of chemo. His kidneys are barely working as it is.
Waaaaaaa.
lovbob
As i said earlier this morning i have been dealing with some health issues of my own, I was not really sure that it was anything of importance until yesterday. Tuesday i went to have bloodwork done and to just talk to my dr about the symptoms that i have been having. Which were: fatigue, weakness, confusion, memory loss, depression, constipation, bloating, indentions of the fingernails, irratability, loss of appetite, weight gain, nausea and maybe some more that i can not think of right now. The symptoms have been getting worse the last couple of weeks. Well yesterday the lab tect called and told me that i have hypothyroidism. She said that my level was a 17 and that it was high, and the dr was going to start me on synthoid. And that is all fine and dandy. But what some of you don't know is that my dad has thyroid cancer, he had a 4cm tumor removed from his thyroid gland. A total thyroidectomy. My father has this cancer, his mother had esophageal cancer, and my dad had 2 aunts that had goiters on their necks. And now i get this news. And i am frecking out. I am scared. I have done the thyroid check on my neck and something looks a little off. Not really sure if i am seeing anything. So i called my dr and schedule yet another appt for in the morning for her to do the thyroid check and make sure their are no lumps on my thyroid gland. I just don't know what i will do if she finds anything. I will be a basketcase, i am about there now. I was crying yesterday to my husband while i was telling him what the lab tech told me. I just have so many questions, and no answers and i am scared to get the answers. Sure i maybe expected something like this to happen to me when i am 60 or 70. NOT while i am 41 years old. I went to dads today and everytime i looked at him i kept thinking, well this could be me sooner than i think. I know i am jumping way ahead of myself, but i am trying to be realistic too. Ever since dad has gotten sick and has had to have this trach, i have told my family that I DID NOT want a trach. I am sorry but they are the grosses things, i know i have had to deal with them now for almost 3 years. I am seriously thinking about just having the thyroid removed all together and then maybe that would cut down on the risks of having thyroid cancer and goiters. So i am asking ya'll please say a prayer tomorrow morning that this doctor does not find a lump or any type of cancer in my neck. I will report back in the morning and let all of ya'll know what she tells me. All my love and hugs to you all. Thank you! Stormy