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...........oh about the caregiver...my mom really likes the caregiver and does not even know or understand the little things she does to irk me. My g/f says to just get over the little things and let it be and just be glad she is doing most of the dirty work with my mom during the week, in which she is absoultely right. I have just have to learn to not sweat the small stuff, and anything gross they both do to the house...well the whole place needs to have walls painted, remodeled, new carpet and tiles, a basic facelift on the entire property.
Hey Diane ~ I hope your sis offers you a well deserved break! Do you get along OK? (Sometimes it's hard to keep up with all these personalities, names & conditions here. (Excetp Bobbie on her boat!) I didn't realize your mom has Parkinsons.
Where does your mom live? NH, AL, her own home? Where is this NPD blog? On this site?
Tell your sister she is missing the Blue Angels blasting over a cool, cloudy Seattle. My tomatoes may never ripen! Poor Dad ... Loves those fresh picked sweets.
Pirate, I can sooooo relate. My mom's guardian is doing her bidding now. As if I have to answer to her! And I have to go to court next week for dad's annual account to be "accepted." I'll bet they will be doing something to take control of him, too. My mom is evil behind my back. Her guardian said, "Your mom feels like she lost her daughter." Waaaaaaaa Are they idiots? Mom wanted a new guardian because she told everyone I was abusing her (she lied). So, I stay far far far away. Mom's guardian takes care of all her "needs," and now gets to listen to her complain. I sure don't need mom's guardian calling me up saying mom misses her daughter. I hate Personality Disorders, and need to protect myself from them. What a nightmare. I know you know what I mean. They get their hooks in, play on our sympathies, and stab us in the back, turning the screw when it suits them, because that's the way they work. Don't know what to tell you. I just stay away. My mom is Probate Court's problem, (at her own request) and I don't need them trying to make her mine, again. They ARE getting paid to take care of her, and I know how difficult that is. And yes, they are in a prison. But it's not our fault.
SecSis...yep you and me's goes a long way back with the personality disorders with our mommo's. SIGH..we have a lot in common.
Rip...no the NPD blog is not here..it's something I found last year while trying to learn more about NPD, because I could never understand my mother...now I do..once I read all about NPD and how she fit the bill. If you are interested I will get the link.
SecSis...yes that's what was in the last part of my statement to her as well last night...it's not my fault.
If she likes her caregiver, no, no, no, no, don't change her! When my mother lived by herself, she literally threw out of the door at least a dozen of them before we found someone whom she accepted. Of course, the one my mother liked most was a woman who stayed for a few weeks with her, she was amazingly kind, and when she left, she stole everything she could. I know that it may seem I invent a lot of stories, but unfortunately I don't! My brother and I have been fighting with my mother's illness for at least 5 years, in all its stages, until we understood she had worsened so much that she had to come live with me, there was no other solution. And from that moment on, my brother stopped taking care about her. So, many many many things happened in 5 years and I remember them when the subject comes out.
I thought of you at daybreak this morning. There were 5 Hummingbirds poking their needle nose beaks into the Canna blooms & nectar feeders on my bedroom deck.
Then 4 young squirrels got into a big squabble, chirpping, bleeping & batting at each other! It was pretty cute. I wish I had a decent video camera for these events ...
My lazy cats observed from the bed. They have become accustomed to the morning ritual. I toss peanuts on the deck ~ great entertainment.
I wish I could find a part time caregiver for Dad. Someone clever to swap stories. I was told yesterday by hospital people that if he required medical care that visiting nurses could come. He is in good health despite his age, previous heart attacks, broken bones, etc. He just phoned downstairs requesting his evening beer & a cigarette. He'll be 91 in 20 days.
Duty calls ~
I hope to send more photos from the repaied computer! Hug the pets!
Rossella I had to laugh when you said the amazingly wonderful caregiver ended up stealing everything. At one point one of my mom's caregivers she thinks stole 700 bucks...but I could not prove it...at that point my mom was doing wierd thing with the monies and hiding things and doing wierd things with hoardes of chocolate. I mentioned it to the caregiver and to her supervisor and to the owner of the company cause the caregiver was always really flighty....and was fired shortly ...so I don't know. I have since took over the monies! I don't really trust the caregivers..and this one I had to end up giving a key to the house to so she can get in, cause my mom said she could not figure out how to open the door anymore...baloney! I never know what is truth or not with her...she likes to cry wolf..even though I tried to explain to her that crying wolf can be very dangerous...because people will not believe her if something really happens for real.
Rip....I know the sound of 4 young squirrels battling with each other sounds like..I miss it...haven't had any young ones around lately just some older ones I spoil with peanuts. The crows get all the leftover meats and pizza's, anything substantial..the little birds finish off any old bread or rice...man they love rice (cooked of course)
RIP ... here is the link....it was developed by a woman whose mother was a Narcissist. The articles end with people posting their views and their horror stories...
SecSis...you would feel at home at this website...with mommo and her PD...
How was my day today? I am still very stressed about the cat story, so today I was very impatient with my mother that hid the TV remote of the living room so well that I cannot find it anymore. So I took my TV remote, which is in my room and I put it in a place that I hoped she could not reach, but she stole it while I was cooking, together with my cell phone. And I found the two of them calling my cell phone from the normal phone. Sometimes I do not feel laughing about those things because It is such a waste of time and energy to fix all the mess that mother does from morning to evening. You can't watch her 24/7, it's impossible; while I cook I should drag her in the kitchen with me, while I go to the bathroom I should bring her with me... She does not want to. They TIED HER UP while she was in the hospital, they tied her with a string to the arm of the chair because they could not watch her constantly among all the patients, some of them suffered from the same dementia. My mother was taken to the hospital because she had broken ONE leg. In the hospital she broke the other leg because one night she climbed over the bars of the hospital's bed! She still is a slim and athletic person, in spite of everything! This is why they had to tie her up. And they gave us the permission to place the caregiver next to her all day long. It is almost incredible what a person in these conditions can do! It seems they possess superpowers! I shall buy some kryptonite!
Pirate, our caregiver did not steal money. She stole my mother's gold and all the embroidered sheets and tablecloth that my grandmother had handmade, (and they were wonderful) so there is no doubt she stole them. When we had to empty my mother's house to sell it, and buy the one we are living in now, we did not find ANYTHING left. Ah by the way this is funny: my brother and I spent whole days filling boxes (before moving), and when we left my mother alone in the evening, she took everything out of the boxes. (this was before she broke her leg). So my brother and I started to put the full boxes in a room that we locked, and we hid the key (and you feel ashamed that you have to do this to your mother, but if we had not done so, we would be still there packing and unpacking and packing and unpacking)
DAMN Rossella you mommo needs some HEAVY DUTY DRUGS...lol lol lol lol. I am so glad my mom is on psych meds cause she was driving me batty too. Not so much with hiding things and doing wacky things like your mom, but instigating things out in the street with neighbors. She is way past that stuff now..too old now and decrepit for that....but I do have to watch her little zings she likes to toss at you or command some coffee or setting the tv off timer (which i got her spoiled on). Tonight I will have no mommo...tommorrow I am sure around 10:30 in the morning I am sure I will get that call...'ARE YOU COMING'. I can't wait for the day I am not commanded anymore.
Rossella....you need to get the doctor to prescribe something that will knock her out a bit..something that will sedate her mildly...cause she will get into something nasty one day and will hurt herself like fall off the balcony or something, or run into the street in front of a car.
oh ... more in common! My mother passed Valentine's day 1997. Dad was devastated & drank. ALOT!
Thanksgiving Eve he finally collapsed. I managed to transport him to the hospital where they ran tests. Turned out he had an aortic anyrism which required major surgery. He was so despondent I was surprised he consented.
I remember my then husband & I were at the hospital. WIth his usual wit, he glanced at the yellow IV bag leading to his arm, looked at his pathetic hospital "Thanksgiving" meal & started playing with the little green peas. "Look at the vitamins they are sneaking into me! Now they're hiding them in the food!".
Hard to convey the humor of the remark, but all of us started laughing & couldn't stop.
After surgery he was in ICU for a long time. When they dismissed him to a standard room his then, primary physician, had him so doped up on Ativan that hje was almost comatose. Lasted over 2 months, but during the time I visited every day.
I think he reacted to the meds b/c he became very agitated & so they strapped him down. Had a babysitter too! Oblivious most of the time except for recognising me. After 2 months of daily madness knowing my Dad was in there somewhere, I begged the doc to lower his dose. No way. Doc knew best. A social worker even sat me down & said "He is a vegetable. Do not think he will ever recover. Accept it."
I started visiting the hospital every day at med time, identified the drugs & slipped the sedatives away. After 3 days he looked straight at me & said: "Where the hell am I, Mary?".
I KNEW HE WAS BACK! Then he siad "Who is that poor guy dying in the bed next to me? I feel so bad for him". His compassion was back too.
He was released to a nursing home 3 days later after his miraculouys recovery. Spent a week there & released to my care. Wanting him to remain independent I arranged for him to stay in the AL facility, which had recently opened at the time. They were wonderful, then.
He had his own apt. complete with his adoring cat. He still drove, even had an assigned parking space ... ran errands for my business ... the ladies all adored him.
I just don't know what to think of modern medicine. His teflon stent (sp?) was suposed to be good for a few years ... almost 13 years ago.
Now he is back with me, still funny & lively. He doesn't remember a bit of the months he was strapped to the bed with an attendent. I certainly do!
I have the old computer running but it won't accept my keyboards. This one is so funky I don't dare transfer it.
The neurologist told me that when she is very agitated I can give her 1/2 pill of Seroquel during the day (which I did only once, because it was necessary). When we are home she can't fall from the balcony because we are ground floor. (from every point of view) I doubt she can climb the roof as I wrote one day, that was a joke.The possibliity that she is hit by a car while we are out exists, so when I go to the supermarket and I leave her in the car, I ask a very nice Nigerian boy that I know (and sells things out of the supermarket) to keep an eye on her, and when she tries to get out of the car he goes there and convinces her to stay where she is. (you do not have an idea how much it costs me in tee-shirts and socks that I buy from him, but he is a really nice person and he deserves it). We never leave her alone, I mean, maximum we are in another room or in the garden, but the front door is always kept under control. The Alzheimer are roamers... They always try to go back "home"... Do you watch Sex and the City? Miranda's mother-in-law escaped because she wanted to go to the Bronx zoo. And she ate pizza taken by a garbage bin. It's just a movie but it is perfectly true! Anyway, this is the situation by now. I know it can only get worse, so the next years I shall probably have to keep her more sedated. We live day by day!
Watch the caregivers with the pain medications. One of my caregivers stole my loritab after I had my hysterectomy.
Mom is tucked in bed for the night. I think she wore herself out with the excitement of my sister arriving today. Plus with the rainy weather she was very painful with arthristis just about everywhere.
Mom may pour on the guilt, but at least I don't have the added personality disorders. I'll will say an extra payer for you Pirate and Sis.
I have a sad job ahead of me tomorrow. I will be taking my kitty named Rusty to be put to sleep. He is 17 years old and is suffering from kidney failure. He won't eat and he hates for me to give him the subcutaneous fluid. I guess the kindest thing I can do is to give him peace.
Diane, I lost my friend's cat yesterday for the same reason, kidney failure. You do the best thing to give him the euthanasy. It's such a painful disease. My vet does it in two stages: the first injection, he makes him sleep (sleep in the true meaning ot the word) and when the cat is asleep, he makes the second injection that kills him. It is much better, they do not realize anything, they do not suffer at all, they are not afraid. I euthanized this way the two cats I loved more in the world.
Just another little note for those of you interested in how Agingcare works. We are able to keep it free through advertisers. A nice Guy named Joe started Agingcare because he was going through the same things as you are. We want to give you a format to vent, inform and support each other. We also want feedback because it helps us make changes in the community - for you. Of course, we offer information through articles and tips. In the end, those offerings are also meant to support those of you who identify with certain topics. We'll never be able to personally help everyone, but our aim is to offer support and to offer you a format to support each other. So, have at it folks. You are awesome! Carol
Seroquel is wonderful! That is our family's motto. After a variety of different doctors, prescribing a variety of different meds that either did nothing, whipped Mom up more, or put her in a stupor, we were advised to try Seroquel. The woman at the Adult Day Care Center said to talk to the doctor about it. They weren't going to allow Mom to stay at day care because she was too active. Our GP prescribed the Seroquel and WHAM we had a new Mom! He said that it is easy to change the dose...if she is going to Day Care and needs to behave, we give her an extra one in the am. What a great drug! Saved us all. She loves the Day Care and is very social. We are hoping she'll be able to add in another day. Without the Seroquel it just won't happen.
I have tried to keep up with the posts.. my respect to everyone!
Oh Diane, I'm so sorry for you and your kitty. sux. It is best but still hurts bad.
Carol, thanks for dropping in! Great to see you and thanks again for this wonderful site. Totally saved my sanity and the sanity of many many others. If you see Joe, tell him whassup and we love him.
BOAT UPDATE:
We are still in St. Augustine while the boat is refitted with new radar and autopilot. will probably be starting on the brightwork in the next few days and that will take awhile but I just want to do a little at a time so i don't kick my own butt. We are docked at a T-Dock (end of the pier) and Cap greased her in like a soft kiss. He took a 500+' Navy ship through the Panama Canal so he's pretty amazing. his family is coming out today and may stay over one night and then take him home while I stay on the boat and we work on her.
It's a whole new world.
Caregivers, even though my mom died a few months ago now, I am still not back to myself. Please please take care of yourselves while you are still in the trenches. i know that I didn't eat right. Mom did, but i did what we all do and put myself way in the background while fighting for her health.
I'll be on the boat and the crowd will be gone for a little over a week so I will be able to check in more often.
Where's Linda?
hey SS love you girl.
hope Pamela is OK
Pirate! I know it's all driving you nuts. i wish you could come out for a week. Of course, then you would have me driving you nuts
Flex and Italy's Rose, sorry again about the cats. awful sad.
Deef!
Good to see from Maxine and godhelps, you're both such sweethearts.
RIP the STITCH!!!! Ready? I can choose the font now and have access to the transom as of this am. Still want to?? Will measure the current letters. Cap is putting the dingy on top so i will be able to prepare the boat to be renamed. There's a de-naming ceremony and a naming ceremony. Don't want to piss off the ocean.
Cap and I decided that the dingy's name will be: Now What?
Miz! start the job yet?
OK, more later, IF you guys want to hear..... i know it's not about what I started out talking about but there's some pretty gross stuff on a boat too lemme tell ya........ and besides, I want to keep my friends!!!!!
Hello Fellow Caregivers and down right wonderful people. I start my job on Monday. I'm excited and nervous. I hope Mom lets me sleep those nights before work days. I'm exhausted today. Hubby and I went to a big festival here downtown last night. Came home and I had a hard time getting to sleep. I think I was barely asleep and I hear frantic pounding on the wall. Jump up and hurry into Mom's room and she asks, "is there any medicine I need to take?" I'm like noooooooo, you already took your medicine. At least she apologized for waking me up. :) She's a dear but it's so trying sometimes. The festival was fun but hubby and I decided that everything is such a chore. That's our new saying. I have a dear, long time friend in town. She is going through her parents house. Her dad passed away and her mom is in a NH. Her mom's memory is failing fast. Wow does this all suck. bobbie, when all is said and done, i'm getting on the boat and i'm laying my ass out in a bikini even if I look like a wrinkly beached whale. I want a tan tummy. I love to lay in the sun. I know it's bad for me but I don't care. I'll smoke too and maybe start drinkin' again. Who knows. I need to lay down but duty calls. Love you all. Need you all. xoxoxoxox
Yes, fresh air helps and I get plenty of it walking from the house to the clothes line and back a half dozen times each day. Wish it was a full moon this week-end, I love to look at a full moon and with the nights being cooler now it would really help my disposition, but alas, no full moon, guess I could go out and listen to the coyotes howl. I need to get at least a half life. Sorry, I didn't mean to rain on anyones parade but yesterdat and today have really been a blister.
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I hope your sis offers you a well deserved break! Do you get along OK?
(Sometimes it's hard to keep up with all these personalities, names & conditions here. (Excetp Bobbie on her boat!) I didn't realize your mom has Parkinsons.
Where does your mom live? NH, AL, her own home?
Where is this NPD blog? On this site?
Tell your sister she is missing the Blue Angels blasting over a cool, cloudy Seattle. My tomatoes may never ripen! Poor Dad ... Loves those fresh picked sweets.
We all will be thinking of you!!!
Rip
Rip...no the NPD blog is not here..it's something I found last year while trying to learn more about NPD, because I could never understand my mother...now I do..once I read all about NPD and how she fit the bill. If you are interested I will get the link.
SecSis...yes that's what was in the last part of my statement to her as well last night...it's not my fault.
Kidding ...
I think I know people who might.
Take it easy this weekend??? OK!!!!!
When my mother lived by herself, she literally threw out of the door at least a dozen of them before we found someone whom she accepted.
Of course, the one my mother liked most was a woman who stayed for a few weeks with her, she was amazingly kind, and when she left, she stole everything she could.
I know that it may seem I invent a lot of stories, but unfortunately I don't! My brother and I have been fighting with my mother's illness for at least 5 years, in all its stages, until we understood she had worsened so much that she had to come live with me, there was no other solution. And from that moment on, my brother stopped taking care about her. So, many many many things happened in 5 years and I remember them when the subject comes out.
Been wondering how today was for you?
I thought of you at daybreak this morning. There were 5 Hummingbirds poking their needle nose beaks into the Canna blooms & nectar feeders on my bedroom deck.
Then 4 young squirrels got into a big squabble, chirpping, bleeping & batting at each other! It was pretty cute. I wish I had a decent video camera for these events ...
My lazy cats observed from the bed. They have become accustomed to the morning ritual. I toss peanuts on the deck ~ great entertainment.
I wish I could find a part time caregiver for Dad. Someone clever to swap stories. I was told yesterday by hospital people that if he required medical care that visiting nurses could come. He is in good health despite his age, previous heart attacks, broken bones, etc.
He just phoned downstairs requesting his evening beer & a cigarette. He'll be 91 in 20 days.
Duty calls ~
I hope to send more photos from the repaied computer!
Hug the pets!
Rip....I know the sound of 4 young squirrels battling with each other sounds like..I miss it...haven't had any young ones around lately just some older ones I spoil with peanuts. The crows get all the leftover meats and pizza's, anything substantial..the little birds finish off any old bread or rice...man they love rice (cooked of course)
SecSis...you would feel at home at this website...with mommo and her PD...
narcissists-suck.blogspot.com
My mother passed Valentine's day 1997. Dad was devastated & drank.
ALOT!
Thanksgiving Eve he finally collapsed. I managed to transport him to the hospital where they ran tests. Turned out he had an aortic anyrism which required major surgery. He was so despondent I was surprised he consented.
I remember my then husband & I were at the hospital. WIth his usual wit, he glanced at the yellow IV bag leading to his arm, looked at his pathetic hospital "Thanksgiving" meal & started playing with the little green peas.
"Look at the vitamins they are sneaking into me! Now they're hiding them in the food!".
Hard to convey the humor of the remark, but all of us started laughing & couldn't stop.
After surgery he was in ICU for a long time. When they dismissed him to a standard room his then, primary physician, had him so doped up on Ativan that hje was almost comatose. Lasted over 2 months, but during the time I visited every day.
I think he reacted to the meds b/c he became very agitated & so they strapped him down. Had a babysitter too! Oblivious most of the time except for recognising me.
After 2 months of daily madness knowing my Dad was in there somewhere, I begged the doc to lower his dose. No way. Doc knew best.
A social worker even sat me down & said "He is a vegetable. Do not think he will ever recover. Accept it."
I started visiting the hospital every day at med time, identified the drugs & slipped the sedatives away. After 3 days he looked straight at me & said:
"Where the hell am I, Mary?".
I KNEW HE WAS BACK!
Then he siad "Who is that poor guy dying in the bed next to me? I feel so bad for him".
His compassion was back too.
He was released to a nursing home 3 days later after his miraculouys recovery.
Spent a week there & released to my care. Wanting him to remain independent I arranged for him to stay in the AL facility, which had recently opened at the time.
They were wonderful, then.
He had his own apt. complete with his adoring cat. He still drove, even had an assigned parking space ... ran errands for my business ...
the ladies all adored him.
I just don't know what to think of modern medicine. His teflon stent (sp?) was suposed to be good for a few years ... almost 13 years ago.
Now he is back with me, still funny & lively.
He doesn't remember a bit of the months he was strapped to the bed with an attendent.
I certainly do!
I have the old computer running but it won't accept my keyboards. This one is so funky I don't dare transfer it.
You'll see some promised photos soon.
Pirate ... find that Funny Farm web site!
Anyway, this is the situation by now. I know it can only get worse, so the next years I shall probably have to keep her more sedated. We live day by day!
Rip, that was quite the story you shared. Wow.
Mom is tucked in bed for the night. I think she wore herself out with the excitement of my sister arriving today. Plus with the rainy weather she was very painful with arthristis just about everywhere.
Mom may pour on the guilt, but at least I don't have the added personality disorders. I'll will say an extra payer for you Pirate and Sis.
I have a sad job ahead of me tomorrow. I will be taking my kitty named Rusty to be put to sleep. He is 17 years old and is suffering from kidney failure. He won't eat and he hates for me to give him the subcutaneous fluid. I guess the kindest thing I can do is to give him peace.
Take care my friends and have agood night.
Diane
I'm sorry.
Our captain?
Hopefully sailing happily on her yacht!
Snuggled safe on her berth
We are able to keep it free through advertisers. A nice Guy named Joe started Agingcare because he was going through the same things as you are.
We want to give you a format to vent, inform and support each other. We also want feedback because it helps us make changes in the community - for you. Of course, we offer information through articles and tips. In the end, those offerings are also meant to support those of you who identify with certain topics.
We'll never be able to personally help everyone, but our aim is to offer support and to offer you a format to support each other. So, have at it folks. You are awesome!
Carol
Sorry about the cats...pets are hard to lose.
Keep fighting the good fight ladies!
I have tried to keep up with the posts.. my respect to everyone!
Oh Diane, I'm so sorry for you and your kitty. sux. It is best but still hurts bad.
Carol, thanks for dropping in! Great to see you and thanks again for this wonderful site. Totally saved my sanity and the sanity of many many others. If you see Joe, tell him whassup and we love him.
BOAT UPDATE:
We are still in St. Augustine while the boat is refitted with new radar and autopilot.
will probably be starting on the brightwork in the next few days and that will take awhile but I just want to do a little at a time so i don't kick my own butt.
We are docked at a T-Dock (end of the pier) and Cap greased her in like a soft kiss.
He took a 500+' Navy ship through the Panama Canal so he's pretty amazing. his family is coming out today and may stay over one night and then take him home while I stay on the boat and we work on her.
It's a whole new world.
Caregivers, even though my mom died a few months ago now, I am still not back to myself. Please please take care of yourselves while you are still in the trenches. i know that I didn't eat right. Mom did, but i did what we all do and put myself way in the background while fighting for her health.
I'll be on the boat and the crowd will be gone for a little over a week so I will be able to check in more often.
Where's Linda?
hey SS love you girl.
hope Pamela is OK
Pirate! I know it's all driving you nuts. i wish you could come out for a week. Of course, then you would have me driving you nuts
Flex and Italy's Rose, sorry again about the cats. awful sad.
Deef!
Good to see from Maxine and godhelps, you're both such sweethearts.
RIP the STITCH!!!! Ready? I can choose the font now and have access to the transom as of this am. Still want to?? Will measure the current letters. Cap is putting the dingy on top so i will be able to prepare the boat to be renamed. There's a de-naming ceremony and a naming ceremony. Don't want to piss off the ocean.
Cap and I decided that the dingy's name will be: Now What?
Miz! start the job yet?
OK, more later, IF you guys want to hear..... i know it's not about what I started out talking about but there's some pretty gross stuff on a boat too lemme tell ya........ and besides, I want to keep my friends!!!!!
lovbob
miz