Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Lori, Omg! Your sure have your hands full. Welcome to the club. or as someone calls, the crazy train. ' )
Stormy, I hope your son is okay n the pain in his ear has eased off. Keep us posted. It also seems that your thyroids are taking a toll on your feelings n wandering is their anything u can take to help ease the thryoids? I hope both you n your son feel much better soon.
JudyM, I must had missed that twighlight one n don't care to watch it either. You would wander how such a big flying thing like that be able to into such a small space as the ear canal? shocking to me but they have been here for centuries n some.
Deef, I like your suggestion to Diane n I am going to try n remember that myself for future purposes.
Book, you r sooooooooooooooo right on about the bug has to be killed or sedated or something for it may go further in the ear or break off n that is what they had to do to my brother. I felt so sorry for him for it did take a while. The way u describing it in details just makes me squirm! Gee thanks, now I will have to remember to cover my ears tonight. You can watch all those shows all by yourself, thank you very much,. ; ) wow, from a freaking mosquito too!
JudymW, I very doubt that this is the gross out thread for the others r probable just sparing us. It just one that u have gotten to read so far. lol.
I hope everyone is able to get some peaceful rest tonight n have a beautiful day tomorrow. I am going to try.

Lil'deb- Thank you, Connor is feeling better. He went to school today so hopefully he is on the mend.
I am another story..... Although, today was not too bad. And yesterday was a good day. So tomorrow is probably going to suck.... Plus wednesday i go for the ultrasound on my neck i guess to see if my thyroid gland is enlarged or if anything else is going on. Lord, i am nervous about that. I just hope everything looks ok. Thank you for asking about me and Connor. Hugs
Well, i went shopping today for my new food groups that i am suppose to eat i guess for the rest of my life. Or maybe until my guts (intestines) decide they want to work again. Constipation from hell, with this hypothyroidism. Oh, there have been times when i thought i was stopped up. But compared to the last 2 weeks, lets just say I have been miserable....... I think that is what has been causing my depression too. So i am going to start taking something everyday for that problem!

Well, i am going to leave ya'll on a grossed out note: Dad has spit paper towels and paper towels that he uses to wipe his trach when he coughs. Lord, if i had stock in viva paper towels i would be a rich woman just from dad using them. Anyway, I carry my little chihuahua puppy Lily,to dad's everyday. And of course ya'll know dad misses the trash can i have by his chair and guess who decides she is going to play with the spit paper towels and tear them up into shreds. So here i go running around the house trying to catch this dog and get the paper towel away from her. I always have to bride her with food of some sort to get the paper towel away from her. Anyway i thought i would gross ya'll out for the night. This is the grossed out thread ya know...... Hehe..... Love and hugs to all. Stormy

Good Evening Crew,
Judy! Congrats on 'Boat Time' woohoo!
Stormy, glad Conner is better.
Flex!!
Linda!! so good to see from you and I know I know I know. You are suffering and the only thing that will work is time and distraction from the past. You know that I know.

It's so hard to get interested in life after this and I guess if it were not for the fact that now I am a caregiver to a boat (what was I thinking?) I would be in a dark house, surrounded by the past and the hurts and sadness.
Crew: my past was kind of sad, just is, not trying to drag my cross and screw up the rug... But is was best that I bailed out and made my own way somewhere else.

Where's Jen? worried and have been thinking about her all day.
Deef!! I dunno, just like saying DEEF!!

Where in the world is Austin? Gurl, what are you up to and I hope you check in and let us know that you're ok too!

lildeb! The TP issue will only get worse (sorry to say) This is a progressive disease and I learned with my mom that I just had to go to the bathroom with her each and every time and at the end of the day it saved me time, energy and sanity. It's not fun because everything revolves around food going in and coming out.

Mom and I made it work and I used to write that she was 'clean and shiny on the hiney'. Used to climb in the shower with her and get her all clean and then wrap her up in a huge towel and sit her down and do her hair all nice.
I used to write that I always looked as if I had been pulled through a hedge but mom always was looking good.

Vermont Country Store was were I got her elastic waistband pants so she could still wear her jeans but she couldn't do up a button or a zipper anymore.

Everybody's Dementia is different and it is soul killing but it is a progressive disease so if someone learns something like the proper place to put the used TP, don't expect that to last. Just know that it's the disease and for some reason the poop issue is really interesting to them.

I told this story a long time ago:
We were in LA and I was making dinner and mom walked into the kitchen only wearing a blouse and was holding her Depends with a load of brownies on display.
She had a look on her face that said: Eh? Whaddya think? Eh? So I said, Nice work mom! Those are some good looking brownies and let's put them in the hopper.

You stop what you're doing and go and handle it. That was about when I realized I had to go with her every time. They just stop doing those little things one after another and you have to do those things for them, whether it's wiping the butt or blowing the nose or feeding. It just is.

With the benefit of time gone by I can see it and remember it more clearly without the trauma that came with it.
There are many things that we as caregivers do and did and one of those things for me was to tell my mom many times a day that she was the bravest person I knew. Her particular Dementia caused her to come to lucidity every now and again and you could see how horrified she was at her predicament. I would tell her over and over that she was safe and sound and not to worry because if she forgot I would remember.

When you guys see me write about placement etc I want you to know that I NEVER threatened my mom and worked so hard to not cause her any more stress even though my BP was 157 over 120 at the time and I knew that I was dying with the crush of caring. (Now back to my normal of 110 over 70.)
I know that there's caregivers out there with way worse numbers than those.

Lori!! Welcome to the home of Vent and Live! Keep writing!

Bookworm hope you are feeling better and not being told terrible things by your dad. I know you know better than what he is saying but still awful to hear. I know about that stuff too... Ow Ow.

OK, I had just written out the rest of the names and then hit the wrong combo of buttons and erased 3/4 of what I had done. I am too wiped out to write it again but will try tomorrow.

Cuz! where are you? Hope you are doing ok!

love you guys way more than you'll ever know.

lovbob

Wow. I just realized that we are closing in on Twenty Five Thousand Posts.
Thanks you guys for being here for each other and being here for me.
lovbob

So...why did I get "boat time"? I'm so confused.

I just noticed that Deef posted on another thread about Jen. This is what she wrote. I think she posted there by accident.

"Hey everyone! Just got off the phone with Jen. She is fine, just a bit down. I told her you all were worried about her. We talked for an hour or so, and I told her I would call her again soon.
Okay, I'm exhausted and heading to bed. Will catch up tomorrow!"

Hope its okay with you that I copied and pasted, Deef. I sort of figured you meant it to be on this thread but you got way too tired!

I'm having one of my very bad headaches - migraines and neck ache. Light is hurting my eyes. Reading is making me feel like throwing up and I still need to change parents' pampers, clean trache. So, I hope you all don't mind that I not comment on your comments before mine. I've basically copied and pasting below what I wrote in the YOU thread. Lousy painpill only worked for 30minutes - enough time to read Lisa's, Dysfunction and YOU thread and comment. I always save this thread for last but...now headache is back and throbbing like crazy and I'm fighting my stomach to NOT get rid of the dinner that I forced myself to eat.

As you know, I’ve been having it for several months now and that it escalated last week. When it gets really bad, my whole body would tilt slowly. So, I always make it a habit to walk near walls and desks. I’ve had times when I felt myself tilting and can’t do anything about it until my body slams really hard against the car door or the desk or the wall. Sometimes, I can move my hand to block my fall. This – is what is normal for me. Starting last week, my vision now turns all black, and I fight against it. I've also mentioned the time when I was changing father’s pamper, again the vision of darkness – but this time I felt my body slowly tilting backward. I was able to grab the railing without seeing it. Then, I got my vision again. I don't think I told you that I’ve also been getting lots of really bad headaches.

Went to the clinic today. BP is 100/70 (usually I’m 110/70). I’ve gained 4 lbs since 3 months ago – now weigh exactly 100 lbs. My borderline cholesterol is now High cholesterol. I have blood in my urine. And doc – he didn’t like my “blackouts.” That’s what he called it. He checked back on my file on my previous visits and I heard him gasp. He wants me to get a head catscan. If that comes out negative, then he will next check my heart. (I have heart murmur and had a heart infection about 5 years ago.) He kept repeating he didn’t like my black outs. I asked him if maybe it’s from exhaustion for working full-time and caring for 2 bedridden parents. He said no – that would be his last resort answer.

Stormy, I had my complete blood test done in January. My thyroid is normal. So, for now, the doc is keeping whatever he thinks to himself. I'm such a coward. I did NOT ask him what was that gasp for. Sorry, I have reverted back to my old habit of hiding my head under the sand.

Exactly 1 year ago, I had high cholesterol. He prescribed Lipitor 40mg. I had asked him if he could start me out low and work my way up to high dosage. He absolutely refused because by cholesterol had dramatically spiked up in 3 months. I explained to him that my body can handle over-the-counter drugs that says take 2 - ony 1 can help me. 2 is too strong. He refused. So, I faithfully took that Lipitor for 1month with migraine headaches every day! I quit without telling him. Pissed him off on my quarterly check-ups in January (of this year.) ..... So, Today, I mentioned again about lowering the dosage. He agreed - I have Lipitor for 10mg!! Sometimes, doctors need to listen to their patients!!!

He was going to prescribe Cipro for the blood in my urine. Cipro is a vey bad medicine. When he prescribed it to me earlier, I researched it online. Cipro causes a permanent damage to your muscle. It actually causes your muscle/tendons to detach from your bone! So, I am soooo glad that my body rejected it on day 3. So, I told him today of my reactionto it. So, he prescribed another medicine which sounds just as bad. I won't take it yet until I Google it. Can't today with my really bad headache....Have to go now. The light on this laptop is really hurting my eyes. I'm squinting as I'm typing. Later!!!

Judy, you get "boat time" because you were comment # 24,900. The next "boat time" goal is 25,000. Congrats! :)

Jeeze Bookworm, I hope you feel better. Ow Ow Ow.
It does amaze me that your doctor doesn't even consider the physical and mental burden of caregiving and why it might be having a terrible effect on you.

Ya, Judy, we started handing out Boat Time at any post ending in 00. It's just a way to say that there is a life after caregiving and something, even the thought of coming over to my boat to spend a few days, is something to think about instead of the daily grind of being a full time caregiver.
Boat Time can represent anything that makes you happy. If you hate boats it might be 'Ranch Time' and you can think of Meanwhile and how she rides her horses and lives out on her beautiful property.
It could be 'Bonfire Time' with Linda. Anything that will put you in your Happy Place.

Thanks for bringing us up to speed on Jen. A relief to know that even though she is down she is not out.

Juju! Welcome to the thread and I hope you keep posting. Sorry about your sibs but man oh man you are in great company. So many suffer because of their idiot siblings.
Flex's sibs regularly orbit Planet Idiot and she copes the best she can. It's not acceptable at any level and I wish everyone would just do what they need to do to support the one who is the active caregiver. Stop with the games already!
I guess getting idiot siblings to 'get it' will occur right around the same time as World Peace.

OK, I have a guy outside working on the deck so need to go and do a check.
Love you guys and here's to as good a Tuesday as we can have.

lovbob

Book- I am worried about you..... When do you go for a catscan? Soon, I hope. I know you must be out of your head with worry. Book- have they checked you for diabetes? I know that you are under a enormous amount of stress and i think that shows also in your weight. 100 lbs? Have you always weighted this little? Book- please don't get mad but i am only worried about you. I think it is high time you start looking for placement for one or both of your parents. I am just scared that if you keep this up, it is going to really hurt you in the end. Please think about some other options concerning your parents. Again, please don't be mad at me. I just am scare for you. You have gone far beyond the call of duty with your parents. No one would blame you for placing them. Or finding another option for them. You have got to think about yourself now. Please.... Sending my love and hugs to you sweetie... Stormy

Stormy, I would not get mad at you! I have been through so much in life. I don't sweat the big stuff at all. But, I do know, that my caregiving parents will kill me. I've researched enough to know this. My doctor has repeatedly told me that I'm a high risk for heart attack. I've adviced family but.... they don't care ... until it happens. THEN they will realize that they will now have to take over the parents. Not enough $$ for nursing home - $4000-some/month.

1….When I went to the ER in 2007 for severe lower abdominal pain, we patients sit together waiting for our diagnosis. The ER doctors go up and tell you – with no privacy. We all can hear it. My ER doc, touched my shoulder and took me to a small room for privacy. My first thought – I’m dying. He breaks the news that I have this huge mass in my stomach and it requires major surgery He pauses and waits for my reaction. Since I already researched for weeks, I knew my options. So, I didn’t fall to pieces like he expected me to. I just nodded and said, okay, what do we do now?

2….My first major surgery, I was in severe pain prior to that. I had to be on Tylenol with codeine because I was in constant pain. But then my body was adversely reacting to it so I stopped using it. Couldn’t walk far or sit up too long. Moaning in pain in my sleep (but Not moaning while awake.) Doc asked when I would like to have the surgery, my response: “I want this thing Out Of Me! The sooner the better!”

Stormy, this was the year, where patients were dying left and right from our hospital. Nobody was willing to have surgery here because people were dying after the surgery. At this point of my pain, I just didn’t care if I died or not. I just want the thing that was causing me pain to be taken out. Family were all nervous and wanted me to fly off-island. Sorry – I was in so much pain – even lying down (the mass was pushing my internal organs) and I did NOT want to fly 7 hrs to Hawaii! I went in calmly and siblings were so obviously worried. Got to the point, I was beginning to get nervous. When the nurse asked me if I wanted my siblings with me in the pre-op surgery room, I said NO! They’re making me nervous!

I take things that are thrown at me. I usually first hide my head under the sand. But when I can no longer ignore it, I research ALL that I can so that I know what I’m facing. Then despite the obstacles that need to be overcome – I am aware of these and am not scared stiff of the unknown.

I researched that test he had me do. The doc had me stand up, raise my hands in front with the palms up, close my eyes and then look up. At first, I was fine. But the longer that I stood there, I started to feel my body begin to sway a bit. It just kept swaying. When done, he said that “it’ was mild. So, I Googled it. So far, nothing bad from what I’ve read.

Well, I'm going to eat 2 toasts, then take another painkiller so that I can sleep well and wake up ...hopefully better. Then tomorow, I do 3 calls to find the answer about mom's replacement trache. Need to update the surgeon's nurse on my search for the trache. Sigh...what a vacation!

Hey all sorry I have been vacant, have been...also, has anyone else not been getting there updated thread notices. I have not gotten any since mid October. wonder if they changed something?



Five Foot One
Star Sign Sun
Heart Of Gold
Lots Of fun

Has anybody seen my Deef...

Hey nice talkin to ya Monday D....

Hope everyone is doing Ok, head too sore to re-catch up but I will soon. Stay safe all...

Hi everyone, wanted to check in and see how you are doing. It's been a hard time since my Mom passed on Aug 16. After living in her home for 8 yrs ,I moved out so the house could be put up for sale. I rented a room from one of mom's CNA's who I had become friends with, which was very comforting, and then decided to move closer to my sons in San Diego. Now I'm struggling with "culture shock" . From living on the water in Mass to the hills of southern CA.
I am trying to get the momentum to do practical things like change my drivers license, look for work, decide where I can afford to rent , etc. I'm staying with my son, but it's a temporary thing.
I noticed Ted's post and was encouraged by his positive message. Thanks for posting , Ted. And thanks, Bobbie, for keeping this thread going. When I'm feeling lonely, I can read thru posts here and relate.

sk- so happy youre out an about . movin on with ur life . keep in touch dear .
yes i was thinkin about austin too . mmm wheres our maxine ? hope shes good and out runnin around .
bobbie i read ur post about u and ur mom . very touchin . glad u knew what to do and of course we could never yell at our parents , dementia sucks and so does alz ,
my mil has alz and it is sooo sad . she think she has to pee all the time . god bless this lady .. always lookin for bathroom . if she realy does have to go she ll drop her pant and do it . she made a markin on my new couch .
mercy ,,,
bobbie - the boat is what keeps u going and the puretty sights u wake up to every morning , loved it when it was cold up here and there i was out on ur dock with coffee and barefeet , had me gigglin and laughin , aww i love it !!! i was in the whole diffrent world .
boat time yes its time for u to go to bobbie s boat :-) ..

jen !!! same with me i dont get mail from agincare much anymore . i notice when theres bunch of commets then i get email from agincare . maybe once every two weeks . so i always keep my last email that way i can get on and read n weep or smile ... thanks for letting us all know ure ok ..
you all have a wonderful day . xoxox

Book- I wish there was more that could be done to help you with your parents. I know it all just seems like a dead end. I am assuming that the mass in your stomach was benign? I know you are scared of the C word. I am too. I am worried about tomorrow and the ultrasound that i have got to have done. Lord, i hope they don't find anything. I will be singing praises if they don't. I know i will be wreak in the morning. I've got to find out when i can get the results or maybe i can talk to the person doing the ultrasound and see what i can get out of them. I'll just worry the shit out of them until they tell me something. Can't deal with this wait and see game. Not for me. I just want to make sure nothing is swelling or growing in there.

Oh i forgot to thank you for giving me the information on the hypo forum. I finally had a few responses and i have made a couple of friends there. Don't worry i am not leaving ya'll here. Just trying to find out as much as possible about this hypo mess. Love and hugs stormy

Just getting caught up here! I am squirming in my chair from all the bug talk! And I thought the tick I had a couple weeks ago was bad! I still keep checking all over my body feeling like I have another one stuck in me somewhere! Hope you can get one up on those roaches Felx! Heebie Jeebies!
The weekend was terrific! The dress was a real hit! Everyone loved it! The wedding was beautiful-outside-which was really taking a chance but worked out beautifully for my niece. It had sprinkled before the wedding and just as it was about to start there was the most beautiful rainbow! Everyone was in awe. The reception was so much fun and I danced my feet off! The DJ did this awesome dance where all married couples came out on the dance floor and he had you leave the dance floor by how long you have been married-so the longest married couple was the last one on the floor-it was sooooo cool! My in-laws were that couple at 52 years married! I want to remember that dance and have them do it when my boys get married. What a tribute!
It was wonderful to get away-but as I have possibly said before 1-I always seem to pay for it...mom is getting a cold and talk about phlegm or however you spell it! YUCK and 2-sometimes I think getting away just makes me yearn for my freedom that much more! But, I am trying to be thankful for it-cause it was wonderful and not go negative with it... My 2 brothers did a great job with her and didn't call or text me at all! That shocked me. SO, now that I know mom can be left for a whole weekend-without my sister having to always be the one to do it-maybe I will have to take advantage of this...Not sure unless it is a huge event like this wedding that I will be able to get them here-but it is worth a try! Lildeb-thanks for asking about the wedding! I will be remembering the fun for some time to come!
Cat-so glad you had time with your son at the garage sale! So nice you can cherish that moment. He sounds like a great guy. And no more lugging the bed around! Yea!
Stromy-glad Conner is feeling better and hope you can get some relief soon from all your symptoms and worries.
Bobbie, Kuli and Ted-amazing the things you went through and write about...you know so well what we are all going through. I almost feel like you are writing from my perspective. When Ted said that about “the hours of waiting with my coffee to listen for signs of life from Mom's room”...it touched a chord with me bigtime. Some mornings, I just sit here with my tea...unable to get anything accomplished while I wait...and then feel guilty for that "wasted" time. Looking around the house at all that needs to be done...and I just can't muster up the energy... And Bobbie, so many posts of yours-I have wanted to copy and paste in an email and send to my siblings and say-"See?? See what this is like and what it is doing to me-and mom?"
Bookworm-scary stuff going on with you and the stress of this caregiving life definitely has its ramifications! I understand your resolve that the money isn't there and you have to care for them-but where would they go if you weren't there? I am asking seriously-cause-that is a big question for me too-They have to be taken care of-right? Mom always says she is glad she had me-I am the last of 7 children...what if I wasn't born? Or made different life choices and wasn't taking care of her? Where would she be? I don't really know that answer...but there has to be one right? I see my husband and I living under a bridge at 85 and our frozen bodies being found in the dead of winter...spooning with eachother trying to keep warm and failing... I have babbled too much...And Book-those thoughts are about my line of thinking about my life and your situation just brought it out...Sorry…
Judy-congrats on Boat time! Glad you had fun in Mass and enjoyed the clams!
Flex, after all you have been through with the siblings and you are brave enough to try and get everyone together for your mom-wow! You are an amazing woman. What a big heart you have. I hope something good can come of it for your sake. You have extended your hand to them-I hope they take it. Maybe there will have to be ground rules or maybe it will just work out on its own-but wonderful of you to give it a try.
Linda-I want you to cook for me! Pork chops and onions and taters sound delish!
Deef-my husband would be having a blast in that wheelchair! He wouldn’t let mom in it! Worth the price I am sure!
Renarad-constant state of anxiety is the way I describe my life too…and like others said-I learned as I went along…and certain things make sense…so you just do it. At first I was so afraid of making a mistake too-and now, I say to myself-I am doing the best I can with the knowledge I have from experience and from the doctor etc…and I am ok with that. Puts a little less stress on myself… Hang in there and just know you are doing your best.
Good God, I have written a book! Hi to Crickett and Jen-just saw your post! Hi to Mama, Juju Rip, Meanwhile. Sskape-glad you are building a new life… Sorry if I left anyone out! Praying for us all!!! Esp for Stormy and Book-may your tests come out well! Love you all-Mame

Hi ALL, I woke up with the darn headache! I will need to go to the store and buy a stronger painkiller. Extra Strength Tylenol is just not cutting it. I refuse to spend my vacation laid up in bed with this darn headaches! I will be buying Motrin- scary stuff eats a hole in your stomache.

Stormy, you don't know this island. No one is sent to the hospital for tests. They first need to get approval from the insurance for any procedures. Then you get sent to the cancer building and get the procedures done - one test at a time. Insurance don't approve a blanket of tests. It's a long slow process. I have a mass in my lower right belly which the ultrasound says is Not kidney stones. Radiologist suggested the next test to be done and the insurance refused further tests on it. I don't know what's in there.

I think the head catscan will not show up with anything. I've had one done a few years ago because of the headaches that I was having for 2 weeks - woke up with it and went to sleep with it. Like I'm Experiencing Now. It came back as negative. See? I've had to deal with medical issues most of my life since middle school. I've learned to take life one-day-at-time.

Stormy, don't sweat the big stuff. Go and do the catscan. Just face each obstacle as much as you can with strength and dignity. But do show some worry so that maybe the radiologist will feel sorry for you and give you a heads up on the result. I don't know about the states, but depending the radiology technician, they will tell you the small stuff. If it's something really bad - they won't say anything. They will leave it up to your doctor to break the news. I've had both happen to me. These techs know that we will worry. So if it's a small problem, they will tell you right then and there so that you're worries be no more. But, I think from a medical standpoint, anything major must be relayed to your doctor.

Also, we all are pulling for you! So, go knowing that we are anxious to hear what's up. Have to go now. 7am and time to do caregiving, etc...

JudymW, thanks for the frugal gourmet cheesecake for it sounds deliouse. I don't even care about the flushing part anymore as long as she can put it in the toliet bowl I will be happy. Karma may bite u back but I know it don't take much for my mnl to get pissed off too.
Bob, those flip-flops r not quite sturdy enough to kill these flying bugs. Didn't you know that our state bird is the Mosquito in GA.
Ingesting tapeworm just sounds so insane to me n Ew!

Lildeb, my mom just got very upset with me and had picked up the garbage can to throw at me! She thought the house was on fire and nothing I did could get her to calm down. I popped her 1/2 an ativan and she seems to have calmed down. Never a dull moment around here.

This is just me venting!!!! I'M SICK OF MY MOTHER TREATING ME LIKE HER F'ING SLAVE!!!!!!!!! Her dementia has made her a mean old woman, so unlike the person my mother was.

Stormy, just gross us away n u get a Ace for that one. Gee thanks! I guess that's called, payback. lol. It was funny that u had to 'bribe' your dog from some slimy wadded up tissue. I hope u past your test on the neck n your son is doing much better. I know you have to feel a little better since he is feeling better.

Bob. gee thanks a lot n especially the part of, ' It's not fun because everything revolves around food going in and coming out." I guess I needed to hear all that for it is the truth but it is so hard to accept it sometimes. We do have a few laughters n I try to cherish those moments when ever they do happen or when ever I try to help it happen. Thanks for being honest. However, if I was to tell the mnl that if she forgets that I would remember, lets just say she will go off on me big time! She don't accept having AD and she was diagnosed in 2010. She just makes it hard sometimes to even help her yet, I continue to try.

Getting late again n I need to go check on everything n the animials before turning in tonight. I hope everyone is able to get some rest........ With a brighter positive day tomorrow.

Dflex, OMG! I hope your okay n that was a wimpy rubber trash-can with nothing in it. My mnl is not seeing or hearing things that r not their right now n she can do a lot for herself pretty much like feed her-self, bath though I get it ready, n she can make her own sandwiches n get her snacks that I sat out for her. However, she has always had a nasty attitude n stubburness. I feel for ya Dtflex.

Okay, it's late and I'm really tired, but if I wait until tomorrow I'll never catch up.
Lildeb, Mom has Massachusetts Medicare Blue Cross PPO. It's pretty good about paying most things after deductible is met, but she is in the donut hole on meds right now and just paid $800 for her refills. Listen to Bobbie about bathroom issues. I've been taking Mom for the past 3 years. not my favorite thing for sure.
Judy, Thanks for pasting my note about Jen! We hung up about 12:30 AM my time and I was pretty out of it due to little sleep the night before. Didn't get much last night either! Fried, whole belly clams!!!! Yes sir!! My favorite too! Going out to dinner this weekend for my husband's 64th b'day and I think that's what I will get!
Book, Your poor head!!! My neck and head are acting up again. Too much lifting Mom and not enough rest. I have 2 craft shows coming up and need to start cutting wood pieces and painting. As for meds, I have reactions to lots of them. My biggest is the sodium fillers that are in most over the counter and prescription drugs. By the third day, I end up retaining fluid and have trouble breathing. I have put on 5 pounds in fluid in just 3 days from a multivitamin!!! And like you, I take half a dose with most meds. I sure hope you get an answer for your head pain and feel better.
Linda!!!! Bonfire sounds good right about now!
Meanwhile, Most days, by the time I get Mom up and running, I'm to tired to do anything for a couple hours. So I sit with am coffee on the porch, or watch TV, or play games on the computer, just because! Glad you had a great time at the wedding!
Susan!! California and your sons! Nice! I'm sure it is a shock after Mass., but proud of you for getting up the courage to get out of here, especially with winter coming! Good luck and keep us posted!!
Stormy, glad Connor is better and hope you get the answers you need from your cat scan.
Oh yeah! Gross for the day here! Went to get things ready in the bathroom for Mom this evening and picked up her water cup to fill it. there was still water in it from when Erin got her ready this morning, and there was stuff floating in it and dried goo on the side. I almost lost mt supper when I started gagging. That mouth stuff again!! Gets me every time!!
Diane, Sounds like a really bad evening for you! I know how it is!!! as for getting everyone together for Thanksgiving, I know I won't hear from anyone in my family. Sibs won't dare call for fear I will drop Mom off to spend the day with them. My daughter and sil make dinner for themselves, my husband and I, and mu 2 cousins. Merry spends the holiday with her family of course, so that means I'm in charge of Mom and some of the cooking. Last year we could still get her up the stairs to my daughter's apartment, but this year that isn't going to happen, so I will probably be spending the day with Mom while everyone else enjoys themselves! I have asthma too and yard work sets me off as well as dust and mold, etc. mask might work for you.
Bobbie!!! Keep making that boat beautiful!!
Jen, A poem just for me??? Thank you so much!! Fun talking to you as always. Next time I will do it earlier, for me! I'm too old to be up that late!!
That being said, I'm going to shut this baby down and head to bed!
Night everyone!!!

Hi everyone. I wanted to thank all of you for the support, concern and comments on my ultrasound that i am suppose to have done tomorrow. I am really nervous but trying to keep it together. If the thyroid cancer and goiters did not run in my family i don't think i would be so scared, but they do. So that just makes this that much harder to have to deal with. I called my sister tonight just to talk things out, cause of course i was freaking myself out. She did help to calm me down. But i am sure i will be ready for a straight jacket by in the morning. They can just go ahead and bring the little men in white coats to the hospital tomorrow. And tote me off. My appt is at 12:30. Ya'll say a prayer for me? Thanks. love and hugs to you all stormy.

Judy – regarding tapeworms. I saw a TV show on how people would order online or at the mom & pop stores on these lose weight herbal supplements. Well, the people did start to lose weight and kept losing it. Finally, went to the clinic. They had tapeworms inside. So, the documentary warned us to be careful of these lose-weight herbal pills…. I read your comment about Googling your aunties’ obits. I started laughing. I guess that means bad news, huh?

Diane – your mom crying – she’s depress. She can’t express it verbally due to her illness but she’s still experiencing the depression. I wonder if these times when she’s crying – if she’s Really Aware of Her Real Situation. The 2 times my mom became “mentally aware of the NOW”, she tried to kill herself. So, I wonder if your mom is aware of her situation and is crying. For truly, why else will she cry? My guess….

Bobbie, I agree with Lildeb. You have to have a thick flipflop to kill it. Anyway, when you’re chasing it with the flipflop, the roach turns around and runs straight at you – never fails!! I think they’re attracted to movements – and fly towards it.

Deef, I don’t celebrate holidays. But, I can see from other people’s point of view that it’s these major holidays that is family time. When caregiving for a parent, it should be something to look forward to. And it would be a time for you to relax and for those who don’t do the caregiving – to pitch in and help. Unfortunately, that is a fairy tale story. Real life doesn’t work that way. So, when I read here how much it means to you all, I just feel so bad for you. Deef, if the family really, really wanted to - they can cook the Thanksgiving dinner and bring it to your home. If space is not big enough, then, I guess that’s not even an option. Worry, about hygiene, then you all can pitch in and sanitize the rooms. If mom doesn’t wear Depend, then for once, have her wear one – while you have company. Have her wear those suspender stuff so that she can’t dig in and pull out her poop. ….OR…. you split the Thanksgiving day in half. You can go to their apartment in the early to late afternoon, and associate with everyone. Then you go back home to care for mom, while whoever was babysitting her, can go to the apartment and finish off their Thanksgiving there. Just saying that it doesn’t have to black or white. There can be an in-between option where you are not excluded from it. Remember, this a day for giving thanks. You will just have to start a New Tradition.

Good luck Stormy!
Book, I started a new tradition last year. I have done X-mas dinner for the family for over 30 years. Two years ago I asked my sister to do it because she has a new house with lots of room. Of course I still had to bring food and Mom and gifts. No one offered to help me and my sibs left me to deal with Mom while I was there. So last year I opted to stay home for a quiet dinner with my husband and the kids. I called my sister and told her she could have Mom for the day. My cousin Sue called and offered to pick up Mom on her way and I didn't even have to leave the house. It was great!!! Later I found out that only one of my sisters went with her daughter. Guess they had a quiet X-mas too!
So I guess the days of big family dinners are over. Mom used to do Thanksgiving and I always did X-mas, then both when she wasn't capable anymore. I miss all the people and catching up with everyone, but I don't miss the cooking, the cleanup, and all the $$ it cost to feed everyone.
Every year I do gift bags for all the sibs and spouses, my sil and her 4 kids and spouses, and make sure all the nieces and nephews get one too. They usually have a jar of my homemade jam,fudge, and coffee or cocoa and a hand painted ornament. I always get a little something for all the little ones too. This year, the sibs just might get a lump of coal in a dirty old stocking!!!

Deef-you could give them a lump of something else in those gift bags!!! I gave up the huge Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners too AND the summer party I have had every year! Too much work-and when my sister isn't here-I have to take care of mom all day too. C'mon boys! Give me a break! Last Easter, mom was sitting alone at the table at my sisters house-eating all by herself! What the hell?! So, I just stay home with my hubby and boys and mom and make a nice dinner here. It keeps mom calm and more on schedule so it is easier for all. People can come over and visit if they like...and I don't hold my breath! Like you said Book-it should be something to look forward to and it definitely isn't anymore!
Stormy-praying for a good outcome and some quieting of your anxiety! I completely understand why you are anxious tho. Hugs girl!
I decided yesterday that I need to set some goals of what I want to get done around here this winter. Since I am stuck in the house most days-maybe I can get a room or 2 cleaned out or something. I know if I have a sense of accomplishment, I feel better about everything. I also know that I get stir crazy in the winter...so I am hoping this will keep me from going crazy. My neighbor brought me a book she says is really good so I will start that soon. Rain and foggy here today in the 50's. They say it may be in the 80's tomorrow if we get some sun! Indian Summer I guess...Upstate NY where the extreme weather changes can happen overnight! It will probably be snowing this weekend!!HAHA.
Have a decent day all! Mame

Oh, Mame, that part of your comment when you said your mom was sitting alone eating at your sister's house made me cry. Big, gaspy sob. I hate to see people eat alone. Eating is such a social activity. I know elderly people can be so gross when eating, but to leave her to eat alone? I'm glad I don't have mascara on yet. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for warm weather for you! We sure have it here. Wish I could send some.

Judy-I don't know if my brothers can't take eating with her-she isn't too bad (altho poop isn't bad to me anymore!) or if it is the conversation-same things over and over etc...I see it (her mental capacity or lack of) every day and have learned to accept each day as it comes...some good, some not so good... I used to send out emails warnging them that "this morning mom didn't know me when she woke up and I had to remind her..." OR-"she didn't know who SHE was this morning..." I don't even bother to send the emails any more unless it is something major. I thought it would prepare them but I don't think they want to be prepared or have anything to do with it! That Easter dinner made me realize that. One bro did go and eat with her finally-I went in the other room by myself-no one even noticed I wasn't there. And when she had to pee-they all looked for me! UGH. I agree that meal time is a social time and we have always eaten at the table as kids and with my own kids...I don't know, siblings can be so wierd. I can't understand how they can't see what they see and say "How does Mame do this day after day???" And then help me out more! At least on the Holidays! Ya know-at my nieces wedding last weekend, the grooms family paid a caregiver to bring Grandma to the wedding and wheel her around, feed her, take her to the bathroom so the mother of the groom could enjoy her son's wedding. It was so nice. The caregiver was so nice and made sure Grandma had a front row seat at the wedding-literally moving chairs so her wheelchair would fit, made sure G'ma was in on all the pictures and at the family table for the reception/dinner. I am going to remember that when either of my son's get married. But a family Holiday dinner-well, family should eat and converse with her-I don't think I will pay someone to care for her for those. I know many of us have "selfish siblings" and can relate...I just wish it was different... She still has feelings...and tells me stuff-and many times I am glad she later forgets... Sorry my story made you cry-you are very empethetic! Probably a prerequistie for a caregiver! You are sweet Judy! Thanks.

Mame, my brother sits in a big electric wheelchair, I'm sure I told you this. He has partial movement of his right arm. If we place a utensil in his hand splint (the hand doesn't work), he feeds himself. At family dinners, he sits off to the side of the table to leave room for the rest of us who can use the table, and it tears me up. I usually sit right next to him, otherwise, he can't hear the conversation and its so sad, and I'd rather sit next to him than anyone else anyway! One of the aides that took care of him, years ago, used to fix his dinner and set the plate in his lap and leave him to eat alone. I loathed her for that. Didn't even know it was going on until I walked in on it one day. Sorry for being a sap. Just struck a cord. Weird how certain things can stab you in the heart. You sound like you do such a good job with your mother - with love and compassion. I'm in awe. She must've been a good mom to you for you to take such good care of her. As for me - I think I mentioned on a thread somewhere that I actually checked my two aunts' online obituaries to see how old they lived to, so that I could judge how much longer I have to deal with my mother! My karma is soooooo bad! Have a goal oriented day - I'm trying to do the same - you've inspired me! xx, J.