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I just wanted to say that Ladee's last comment was uncalled for. That was plain mean and unnecessary! Thanks to all for your comments and input. Now let's ALL get back to the reason we are here, to help each other get through the day. Bobbie!!! I remember! Judy, hang in here. It will get better, it always does. As for my day so far, Mom got up okay and we had a bit of a struggle trying to get her to open her mouth for breakfast. Her new thing is holing water in her mouth and not swallowing. Of course she eventually chokes on the stuff and looks at me like it's my fault! Couldn't get her to focus until we hit the cold air! Got her into the car with much effort. She stiffened up and wouldn't sit. As I was backing the car out, X-mas was blaring and I noticed she was tapping her feet to the music! Did that the entire ride to daycare and was actually talking and smiling when we got there. Good start to my day for a change. On a different note, my neighbor pulled into his driveway as I got home. His mom is the one I spoke about a couple weeks ago. She is in the NH and dieing. He has 4 sibs and no help. Today he was going to the funeral home to make arrangements for when she passes. He's very tired and and totally disgusted with his sisters. The one that hasn't spoken to mom in over 10 years, still will not go see her. It's so sad that she will die knowing that, but that's on her conscience. He was with his dad when he passed about this time 2 years ago and is so afraid he will be there when his mom goes. Says he can't go through that again. He's like all of us in this. Getting no sleep, working, trying to clean out mom's small apartment and worried about all the hospital and NH bills. Of course I just had to tell him to put the bills in his sibs names!!! All they are worried about is where all the life insurance $$ is going! It's just amazing how we find more and more of us out there everywhere we turn! Okay, off to pay Mom's bills and get laundry going. Have a good day!
Rena, I am so sorry I made you cry. Truly. Thank you for accepting my apology.
Happy that you said something about it and once again I apologize for making another caregiver feel like crapola. We sure don't need that and I need to be a better person.
I do know that I have had a bad time recovering from it all and that I have been more than harsh in some of my responses to different situations. No excuse, I am just another worn out caregiver who needs to check myself before thinking that my answer is the only answer and that my issues are the only issues.
Thanks for being here you guys. This little thread of people is the only reason I am still alive. I would have succumbed to it all without you guys and that's why I say:
I love you all more than you'll ever know. Yup, there's that word. Love.
@bob I love your honesty and your straightforwardness. I am very new to this site only a few weeks and I have learned a lot so far. Don't be too hard on yourself. As caregivers we all have our moments and most of us know what and when those moments are. I tend to stop before I write and reflect so not to hurt anyones feelings either. We are all in this boat together some sailing faster then others and some just rowing the course. I just wanted to send you healing friendship and look forward to reading more from you. Blessings friends.
Amen, Bobbie. I kept this thread to myself while I was in the thick of things thinking noone would understand. Now I tell people that I doubt I would have survived without the support I got here from so many. While in the midst of the war of caregiving, my nerves and feelings were so raw all the time, I sometimes had to remind myself not to take too much to heart. I hope everyone here can take a step back and really think about this. Any relationship worth having has conflict from time to time but it never means anyone has to walk away. And, yes, Bobbie, I too will use the word love because any person in this world who cheers you on just when you don't think you can take another second, any person in this world who tries to get you to see humor in a very non funny situation, any person in this world who takes the time to write, to send hugs, to continue to come back to this thread, those are the people I feel love for. Love to all, Kuli
Now I'm sitting here on this boat with cold feet but a warm, fuzzy feeling in the cavity where my heart is supposed to be.
I also have a big case of perma grin.
Hey!!! I forgot!!
CUZ!!! Boat Time!! when ya coming?
DEEF!! I dunno, just like saying Deef!!
Jen, I just recalled that you wrote about being off topic. Our precious Jen! You could never be off topic!
Jen is one of our original crew and great voices. Keep on venting Jen! We don't care over what, just keep writing, please.
Sometimes venting takes the shape of shouting in someone's defense which I think is all we have going here with Cat and Book. They're hurt and beat up caregivers and they are shouting out in Jen's defense.
I can relate to saying stuff that was hurtful and all I can do is pick up and own my behavior, apologize and move on. That's all that any on us can do. No one has to leave or ride off into the sunset.
Linda! hey stuff! Ya, I know we stay away a little and then realize that we have made real friendships here and we wonder how our friends are doing.
And just like real friendships, not everybody clicks with everybody else.
This thread and its crew have grown way past where and why we all started and I welcome all of us back to the home of Vent and Live.
I'm sorry words were sharp and feelings were hurt, but each and everyone on this thread is important. I don't want anyone to leave. I sign off on most of my posts "love ya". These are not words I say easily and they are meant sincerely. This thread is why I have survived this long, I joined in March 2010, very close to the begining of this thread. As we have all shared our experiences we have become friends. The Facebook page was created to offer us another option to share photos and such with each other. It is open to anyone who would like to join. Cricket is much better at adding people to the group, so just email her with your info and she will add you. Ladee, if you hadnt been on FB back in May, I probably would not be alive today. ALL OF YOU ON THIS THREAD ARE WHY I'M ALIVE TODAY. For some of the newer folks on here, I tried to commit suicide on May 5th because the pain caused by my family was unbearable. A lot of days I regret that I wasn't sucessful, but I read the posts for each day and think "it's not so bad" and keep going. Bobbie I've stressed you out to the max in the past by texting you saying how disgusted I was with life and I wanted to end it. My point for rehashing this is to try bring focus to the fact that we are all fragile and need, if not loving, then compassionate words. Thats my two cents and I hope everyone will have as good a day possible. Love ya, Diane
Slowly working our way back as we have so many times before! Once again, my apologies to any and all that I may have offended. Just had to put my feelings out there and believe me, it wasn't easy. I'm usually the peace maker. I don't want anyone to leave either. All the different personalities and perspectives are what makes this such a great place to be. I know it won't last, but can we all forget the last few days and play nice?Let's all get off our duffs and go put our big girl panties on!!! Kuli!!! Good to hear from you! Someday we will all meet on the boat and grab a drink with one of those little umbrellas and look back and laugh at all the stupid sh!t we all said and did while being in the trenches of care giving. Yes, LOVE is the key word here!!!
This will be my last post about this, much to everyone's releif, mine included... I apologize if something I said at the end of my post offended anyone... what I meant by 'Book being gone" was mission accomplished.... if that was the intention... the whole reason I got involved in the first place was because Book was treated so badly.... that girl means the world to many of us..... and I am hearing from here she will be back... she simply needs time to sort thru some things... she is so very grateful for all the love she is receiving.... it means alot to her... so I am sorry if my statement came out wrong..... I love that girl, and Jen IS a champion..... of the rarest kind..... she is a model of strength and perserverance to us all.... and she handled this whole mess with much more grace than I did.... so, with that being said... I do appreciate that I can come here and defend a freind..... and it be understood by some..... I will leave this alone now..... and I appreciate you all, and love and hugs...
oh yes bobbie i remmy ! it blew us away didnt it , youre right some click and some doesnt , ive click quite few . jen is the girl i deeply think of often , wondering about her . as for book i do not know her well but i sure feel her pain . big hugs xoxo ladeeda - uve been with us for a longtime and moved on to another thread with jam . thats good cuz u and jam have click , just like others click with who ever . yes it hurt me deeply cuz i have always like jam and i like ladeeda too . i dont have time to go to both threads , so i stick with one i have started out . then jam removed me off as her friend on facebook , i thought well ok whatever . knowing deep inmy heart i didnt do anythang wrong .. life goes on and on and on ..... damned if u do damned if u dont , so whatever .... i have had people drivin by and insultin one to another , thats bullshit , i honeslty believe if u cant say anything nice its best not to say anything . i have had people stand behind me and push me over and stand in front of me when someone started bad mouthin at me . my heart grows fonder of them all ! they re my true friends ... dont mess with my linda hearts as christina would say ... i am not the only one that s been talked down to , there has been others also . we become family . cricket !! u said it so true !! we are all brothers and sisters but not by blood . just from the heart . IN GODS EYES WE ARE . wheres austin ? think shes havin puter pblm . hope she gets em fix soon or maybe santa will bring her one for cmas lala . remmy we shall not judge . it creates heart aches , everyone has thier rights to vent and cry or laugh or get drunk and start blabbin away on here like i have in the past and holy shit i sounded like shitofranic as someone ask me if i was . i could never forget that , im still grinnin , my family backed me up and said hell yes we all are shitofranic . wiping elders ass !! that made me feel better . i was a drunk shitofranic lalala , bobbie - i think i have what u have , knockin down on drinkin now . waaaaaaaaaaa. love ya all . smile lets be good,,, santa s comin soon !! xoxo
As a clarifying note, may I just say that I never attacked Jen. The story seems to have evolved beyond the facts. I'm not going to say anymore about this and that's not easy.
cat tails . - its the moon ! moon changes people . we all were having sundowners that night . :-) . what a TRIP !! kises and huggies . train is long gone ````` lets all shake hands and forget all this upseting bullshit , black hole is just getting bigger and we dont need it ,,,,, please kiss and make up . love to all xoxo
Deef, after you make all that $$$ maybe you can make something that us caregivers could buy from you that represents us caregivers? Maybe some small dollies or something. Haven't gotten into the Christmas spirit yet so hopefully it will kick in before it is gone. ; ) Book, sorry you feel the way you do n don't understand what happen or what didn't happen or some misunderstanding. . I have had a few times things that were said that hurt my feelings but I did NOT leave for I know this site has useful help for me as well as I can sometimes help others. I learned a little by some of those post n some, very little was a little harsh n it made me a stronger person. We all have r up/downs n we ALL Our just HUMAN-Beings... So can everyone just please get along... It must be the holidays or the weather coming around the corner? If you must leave, you will be missed but that is your own decision to stick it out or leave. BettyB, Good Grief! The Fil won't wear his depends.What if you put a pair of boxer shorts over the depend before he puts them on. Maybe tape it to the boxers shorts? I haven't hit that road yet so, hopefully someone here can give some useful advice. Giving u a big cyber hug. Its 10:30 n having trouble holding my eye-balls open. Got go take my pm shot n get ready for bed. I hope everyone is able to get some rest. Bob, Tell Dr. Phil to take my worries away please.. Thanks..
Crap Linda!!! Thanks for reminding me about the full moon. Now I know why Mom is so off the wall again! Practically had to tie her down on the toilet to bathe her and get her ready for bed. It's been really tough to get her to open her mouth for meds and food too. Tired of getting my fingers bitten and food allover the place. When she does open her mouth, if you're not fast enough with the spoon, she clamps down when it's partway in her mouth and the rest of the food squishes out of her mouth and allover the place. If I don't wipe it up right away, she spreads it around with her hands. She also will grab everything with a death grip now. Her shirt sleeve, the facecloth, and yes, her drink glass which sometimes gets yanked out of my hand and the liquid gets splattered everywhere, like on the walls, the furniture, Mom, and me. We are forever sticking to the floor with our shoes. Getting harder to get her to sit down in the car without pushing and pulling. She crosses her feet constantly and that makes it very difficult to get her up from the wheelchair and onto the car seat. And on top of all that, she bends at the knees and won't stand up straight so I have to lift her body up to get it into the car or back into the wheelchair. Just waiting for the day my hip, or shoulder, or back just gives out. My right shoulder is the worst because of the surgery I had over 3 years ago. Didn't get any help from my sibs and had no outside help at the time, so it never had the proper time to heal. One of the main tendons ruptured, so now if the one that's left lets go, I will not be able to use my right arm without major reconstructive surgery. The life of a care giver is so damn glamorous I can't stand it. My hair is always done, I shower twice a day, makeup is impeccable and my clothes are always perfectly matched and clean and ironed! I'm a perfect size 8 and don't look my age at all. You know, perfectly perfect like all of you care givers out there! All kidding aside! I'm 30 lbs. heavier than I have ever been. My hair is turning white and doesn't always get washed. I shower when I can. I used to iron all my clothes before I put them on. Now my iron sits and collects dust until I need to iron an outfit to go out. Oh yeh! I forgot! I don't go out anymore. Well, I can dream can't I? Shoot! Mom is holding her breath again and puffing out her cheeks like they are full of nuts! Better go stick my finger in her mouth to open it and turn her on her side for a while. More fun than watching a good movie!
Deef, I had these little pink spongy things on a stick, to clean my husbands mouth with, but when I tried to use them, he bit the pink spongy thing off. Took me most of an hour to get it out of his mouth. He kept chewing on it like he was going to eat it. Was afraid he was going to choke. How would I explain that to the corner.
Deef, I read you post with understanding and a bit of dread since you are descibing the future I will have with mom. It is very hard to get mom to open her mouth without much prodding. She also puts a death grip on things too. Oh yes, the car. Man its a job to get her in, turned and legs inside the car. Because of mom's other issues with spinal stenosis, torn rotator cuff and arthritis I pretty much have to lift her whenever she moves. She also leans pretty badly towards the left. Yes, the joys of a caregiver. I also understand about the lack of time or energy to take care of yourself on the most basic level. Thank goodness I don't work in some fussy office like a law firm where I would have to dress impeccably and make-up everyday. I have only about 4 outfits for the spring/summer and fall/winter seasons since I'm too broke to buy new clothing. If mom would give me some time to sew I have lots of fabric in the closet I could stitch together. Oh well, we will just continue as long as we can. I hope everyone can have a "good" day whatever that may mean in your daily life. Love ya, Diane
One more week home from daycare. Mom will start up again next week. She is much better-but I am so afraid if her resistance is low-she will pick up something else. Going insane myself. But reading the last few days posts was entertaining. wink wink. The woman next door is done with her seasonal (summer) work so she can come over and stay with mom while I go out. Thank God. Have to see my counselor tonight and I have no desire to go. Usually when I don't want to go-it is when I have the most need! Flex, had to laugh at your previous post where mom was mad at you for wanting her to sit ON the toilet and not miss it and end up on the ground...My mom wants to pull her pants down WAY before she is ready or in place to sit and then she pees all down her legs and pants etc...and she doesn't want to sit cause the seat is cold! Good God! I feel like I am yelling at her cause I am saying quickly and strongly-"sit down before you pee on everything!" Or, "It'll warm up quick-just sit!" as I am moving her into place. More pants for the washer... And Deef-I wear the same clothes all the time and live in sweats. When I had the nieces wedding to go to-I spent so much money cause I bought myself new underware and bra as well as the dress and shoes! Tooooo much $$$ was spent-but I never get dressed up and it was sooo nice! Bobbie-thanks for starting the thread. Been a life line for me! What I like most on the thread is that sometimes you guys say something I never thought of before. To me it is like counseling. When I started so many year ago with counseling-I was angry. I thought that was just how it was. My counselor told me that anger is a choice. What a revelation! I just felt anger and went with it-I seriously had no idea that I could choose it! If he hadn't told me that, I would still be an angry person today. My point is that we may not agree with things eactother say-but it is a different perspective and maybe some ppl need to hear a different perspective... We have the choice to hear it or not or act on it or not, but if we never hear it-and never realize there is that choice out there...well, I know in my case that would be sad. So, I thank all of you for your perspective. Keep posting and venting!!! Please! Well, she is calling-"Is anybody out there?" so I gotta run! Mame
Thank you Mame. You bring a nice vibe and I like all the different perspectives as well.
When I saw a therapist (1 visit when mom was diagnosed and evaluated) I thought I was angry. I overreacted to different things and would really get wound up. The therapist was almost dismissive, but not in a bad way, just in a 'I've seen this over and over way' and said: You're not angry, you're grieving.
Let's try this again! My comment got lost when AC's server went down earlier. Lildeb, I have thought about creating a bracelet for care givers with it's own particular color ( I like using natural stones) and a relevant charm that would signify a care giver. Guess I should get working on that again after the holidays. I would also like to start a website to sell crafts, artwork, anything that is created by at home care givers to make some extra $$ as most of us aren't able to work. Some of us are very talented with our hands and others are great with words or picture taking, etc. Wouldn't it be a great thing to do! Diane, at least Mom is so far removed from reality that she does not get frightened by the hallucinations anymore. They amuse her more than anything. Also, she is confined to the wheelchair, so easier to watch. We get her up for bathroom visits, but that's about all she can handle. Also she hasn't tried to get out of bed in well over a year and will rest until I get her up in the morning. She likes to dust the bed rail with the sheets! But it is very difficult to get her to take meds and eat now and fights us when we are getting her washed and dressed. I swear she tries to stand up off the toilet once every 2 or 3 seconds when we are cleaning her up! Gotten really good at holding her with one hand and washing her with the other. Meanwhile, I shudder to think of the things Mom has ingested over the past year. They finally stopped giving her craft things to do at daycare when they were finding beads, styrofoam and other things in her mouth. I know she chews my fingers every night when I take her dentures out! Mame, It will be good to have your mom back in daycare for sure! mine is sneezing and has a runny nose today, but I think it may be the dry heat. Of course one of my helpers had a cold 2 weeks ago, so it could be she has one starting up too. I sure hope not. Still not sure of a UTI or if it's the full moon. Both would definitely be a challenge to deal with. And, it is SNOWING here!!! Pretty and already melting. But the cardinals are out in full force and Jen, I will get some pictures of them for you later! Okay, I have to go and get that saw blade and a bag of bird seed. They seem to eat 3 times as much when it is snowing!
Deef, I can hear you big time n I feel for you n have no idea how you do it on n on. I hope by reading your post that I can be a stronger person n when I reach that end of the rope that, I will be able to hang on like you do for your mom with all the warm compassion n understanding as trouble it may seem sometimes. Now on the other side, You can lend those 30lbs for me for if my mnl starts to need help with me lifting her, I am going to need every extra pound I can get. Didn't anyone tell you that fresh spilled, squashy food is great for the hair n skin? All bs aside, I wish I could give you some suggestion on how to get your mom to eat without spitting or spilling or clamping down on her teeth but I have no clue for I have not walked in your shoes. Deef n Detflex n all those going through this similar situation with a family member, I feel so sorry n my heart weeps for you all during these struggling times n I wish I could be helpful yet all I can do is say a prayer.
Deef, I don't know where u r able to find the time to do the craft but all the power to ya n Yes, a bracelet sounds great with natural stones! That just reminds me of what Mother Nature has to offer n how powerful it can be n how we need to appreciate it everyday rain or shine. : ) Go feed your birds n I got to go feed the squirrels here n check on mnl for she is too quite n her room.
oh gosh deef the way u explain about ur mom is the same way i dad would act . i tried to get him in the van he goes in head first and feet a danglin , oh gawd !! plz help me . pull and tugg and boy i paid for it the next day ...i was sore !!! thats when pa stayed in bed till i recovered my body back into health , oh for jesus christ as he would always said , never cussed but would say jesus christ !! now im saying it .... dont kill urself deef ! if mommy cant get up then she stay in bed , i find it much easier to care for pa if i just have him stay in bed , brought him bfast in bed lunch in bed and even supper . he would say i gotta poop , i roll him over and told him to go for it . he didnt feel right i had to explain to him that it is ok to do it cuz my back is out of whack i cant get him out of bed . so he did , bless his heart .... i love my daddy ,,,, xoxo
Hey Linda!!! Speaking of poop... Guess what I just got done doing? You got it! Mom had a spread out, stuck on mess in her pullup when I took her to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Wouldn't you know it was the early night for the help to leave. Bet she knew it was there! Needless to say, even after I wrapped Mom's arms up in her shirt, she was still leaning her entire body forward to reach something on the floor. Try to rip the sides of a pullup full of poo with one hand while your mom is hog tied with the other! I didn't dare lean her against me for fear I would be wearing it too. Of course she decided to plank herself down on the toilet before I could clean her butt, so it smeared everywhere. Finally got her hiney all shiny and went to towel her off and low and behold, more was coming out. Needless to say, it took some doing, but I finally got her clean and in bed. Sure don't want to know what I will find in the morning. Ahhh... A day in the life! Don't think I will eat for a bit. Any how, I managed to spend a couple hours in the cellar and cut out 8 cat bodies, 8 faces, 8 muzzles, 8 tails, and 32 paws. Phew!!! Now I have to machine sand all the tiny pieces and then hand sand them so I can start to paint. I'll let my husband do the hand sanding. At least I accomplished something besides laundry. Oh yeh, Mom's brand new $7500 wheelchair will not go back to the full upright position. Go figure!!! Now I have to call and see if they can come to the house tomorrow and service it. Man, I smell you know what. Better check my shoes and clothes to make sure I don't have any on me! Back later. Husband looking for dinner!
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I hope I wasn't one who hurt your feelings rena and if I was, I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
Sux.
lovbob
Thanks to all for your comments and input. Now let's ALL get back to the reason we are here, to help each other get through the day.
Bobbie!!! I remember!
Judy, hang in here. It will get better, it always does.
As for my day so far, Mom got up okay and we had a bit of a struggle trying to get her to open her mouth for breakfast. Her new thing is holing water in her mouth and not swallowing. Of course she eventually chokes on the stuff and looks at me like it's my fault! Couldn't get her to focus until we hit the cold air! Got her into the car with much effort. She stiffened up and wouldn't sit. As I was backing the car out, X-mas was blaring and I noticed she was tapping her feet to the music! Did that the entire ride to daycare and was actually talking and smiling when we got there. Good start to my day for a change.
On a different note, my neighbor pulled into his driveway as I got home. His mom is the one I spoke about a couple weeks ago. She is in the NH and dieing. He has 4 sibs and no help. Today he was going to the funeral home to make arrangements for when she passes. He's very tired and and totally disgusted with his sisters. The one that hasn't spoken to mom in over 10 years, still will not go see her. It's so sad that she will die knowing that, but that's on her conscience. He was with his dad when he passed about this time 2 years ago and is so afraid he will be there when his mom goes. Says he can't go through that again. He's like all of us in this. Getting no sleep, working, trying to clean out mom's small apartment and worried about all the hospital and NH bills. Of course I just had to tell him to put the bills in his sibs names!!! All they are worried about is where all the life insurance $$ is going!
It's just amazing how we find more and more of us out there everywhere we turn!
Okay, off to pay Mom's bills and get laundry going. Have a good day!
Happy that you said something about it and once again I apologize for making another caregiver feel like crapola. We sure don't need that and I need to be a better person.
I do know that I have had a bad time recovering from it all and that I have been more than harsh in some of my responses to different situations. No excuse, I am just another worn out caregiver who needs to check myself before thinking that my answer is the only answer and that my issues are the only issues.
Thanks for being here you guys. This little thread of people is the only reason I am still alive. I would have succumbed to it all without you guys and that's why I say:
I love you all more than you'll ever know. Yup, there's that word. Love.
lovbob
Thanks Crystal.
Wow 2!
Thanks Kuli.
Now I'm sitting here on this boat with cold feet but a warm, fuzzy feeling in the cavity where my heart is supposed to be.
I also have a big case of perma grin.
Hey!!! I forgot!!
CUZ!!! Boat Time!! when ya coming?
DEEF!! I dunno, just like saying Deef!!
Jen, I just recalled that you wrote about being off topic. Our precious Jen! You could never be off topic!
Jen is one of our original crew and great voices. Keep on venting Jen! We don't care over what, just keep writing, please.
Sometimes venting takes the shape of shouting in someone's defense which I think is all we have going here with Cat and Book. They're hurt and beat up caregivers and they are shouting out in Jen's defense.
I can relate to saying stuff that was hurtful and all I can do is pick up and own my behavior, apologize and move on. That's all that any on us can do. No one has to leave or ride off into the sunset.
Linda! hey stuff! Ya, I know we stay away a little and then realize that we have made real friendships here and we wonder how our friends are doing.
And just like real friendships, not everybody clicks with everybody else.
This thread and its crew have grown way past where and why we all started and I welcome all of us back to the home of Vent and Live.
lovbob
I'm sorry words were sharp and feelings were hurt, but each and everyone on this thread is important. I don't want anyone to leave. I sign off on most of my posts "love ya". These are not words I say easily and they are meant sincerely. This thread is why I have survived this long, I joined in March 2010, very close to the begining of this thread. As we have all shared our experiences we have become friends. The Facebook page was created to offer us another option to share photos and such with each other. It is open to anyone who would like to join. Cricket is much better at adding people to the group, so just email her with your info and she will add you. Ladee, if you hadnt been on FB back in May, I probably would not be alive today. ALL OF YOU ON THIS THREAD ARE WHY I'M ALIVE TODAY. For some of the newer folks on here, I tried to commit suicide on May 5th because the pain caused by my family was unbearable. A lot of days I regret that I wasn't sucessful, but I read the posts for each day and think "it's not so bad" and keep going. Bobbie I've stressed you out to the max in the past by texting you saying how disgusted I was with life and I wanted to end it. My point for rehashing this is to try bring focus to the fact that we are all fragile and need, if not loving, then compassionate words.
Thats my two cents and I hope everyone will have as good a day possible.
Love ya,
Diane
I don't want anyone to leave either. All the different personalities and perspectives are what makes this such a great place to be. I know it won't last, but can we all forget the last few days and play nice?Let's all get off our duffs and go put our big girl panties on!!!
Kuli!!! Good to hear from you!
Someday we will all meet on the boat and grab a drink with one of those little umbrellas and look back and laugh at all the stupid sh!t we all said and did while being in the trenches of care giving.
Yes, LOVE is the key word here!!!
on the bright side I can use them as a sail....
ladeeda - uve been with us for a longtime and moved on to another thread with jam . thats good cuz u and jam have click , just like others click with who ever . yes it hurt me deeply cuz i have always like jam and i like ladeeda too . i dont have time to go to both threads , so i stick with one i have started out . then jam removed me off as her friend on facebook , i thought well ok whatever . knowing deep inmy heart i didnt do anythang wrong ..
life goes on and on and on ..... damned if u do damned if u dont , so whatever ....
i have had people drivin by and insultin one to another , thats bullshit , i honeslty believe if u cant say anything nice its best not to say anything . i have had people stand behind me and push me over and stand in front of me when someone started bad mouthin at me . my heart grows fonder of them all ! they re my true friends ... dont mess with my linda hearts as christina would say ... i am not the only one that s been talked down to , there has been others also .
we become family . cricket !! u said it so true !! we are all brothers and sisters but not by blood . just from the heart . IN GODS EYES WE ARE .
wheres austin ? think shes havin puter pblm . hope she gets em fix soon or maybe santa will bring her one for cmas lala .
remmy we shall not judge . it creates heart aches , everyone has thier rights to vent and cry or laugh or get drunk and start blabbin away on here like i have in the past and holy shit i sounded like shitofranic as someone ask me if i was . i could never forget that , im still grinnin , my family backed me up and said hell yes we all are shitofranic . wiping elders ass !! that made me feel better . i was a drunk shitofranic lalala ,
bobbie - i think i have what u have , knockin down on drinkin now . waaaaaaaaaaa.
love ya all . smile lets be good,,, santa s comin soon !! xoxo
love to all xoxo
Book, sorry you feel the way you do n don't understand what happen or what didn't happen or some misunderstanding. . I have had a few times things that were said that hurt my feelings but I did NOT leave for I know this site has useful help for me as well as I can sometimes help others. I learned a little by some of those post n some, very little was a little harsh n it made me a stronger person. We all have r up/downs n we ALL Our just HUMAN-Beings... So can everyone just please get along... It must be the holidays or the weather coming around the corner? If you must leave, you will be missed but that is your own decision to stick it out or leave.
BettyB, Good Grief! The Fil won't wear his depends.What if you put a pair of boxer shorts over the depend before he puts them on. Maybe tape it to the boxers shorts? I haven't hit that road yet so, hopefully someone here can give some useful advice. Giving u a big cyber hug.
Its 10:30 n having trouble holding my eye-balls open. Got go take my pm shot n get ready for bed. I hope everyone is able to get some rest.
Bob, Tell Dr. Phil to take my worries away please.. Thanks..
Getting harder to get her to sit down in the car without pushing and pulling. She crosses her feet constantly and that makes it very difficult to get her up from the wheelchair and onto the car seat. And on top of all that, she bends at the knees and won't stand up straight so I have to lift her body up to get it into the car or back into the wheelchair. Just waiting for the day my hip, or shoulder, or back just gives out. My right shoulder is the worst because of the surgery I had over 3 years ago. Didn't get any help from my sibs and had no outside help at the time, so it never had the proper time to heal. One of the main tendons ruptured, so now if the one that's left lets go, I will not be able to use my right arm without major reconstructive surgery. The life of a care giver is so damn glamorous I can't stand it. My hair is always done, I shower twice a day, makeup is impeccable and my clothes are always perfectly matched and clean and ironed! I'm a perfect size 8 and don't look my age at all. You know, perfectly perfect like all of you care givers out there!
All kidding aside! I'm 30 lbs. heavier than I have ever been. My hair is turning white and doesn't always get washed. I shower when I can. I used to iron all my clothes before I put them on. Now my iron sits and collects dust until I need to iron an outfit to go out. Oh yeh! I forgot! I don't go out anymore. Well, I can dream can't I?
Shoot! Mom is holding her breath again and puffing out her cheeks like they are full of nuts! Better go stick my finger in her mouth to open it and turn her on her side for a while. More fun than watching a good movie!
I hope everyone can have a "good" day whatever that may mean in your daily life. Love ya, Diane
(summer) work so she can come over and stay with mom while I go out. Thank God. Have to see my counselor tonight and I have no desire to go. Usually when I don't want to go-it is when I have the most need!
Flex, had to laugh at your previous post where mom was mad at you for wanting her to sit ON the toilet and not miss it and end up on the ground...My mom wants to pull her pants down WAY before she is ready or in place to sit and then she pees all down her legs and pants etc...and she doesn't want to sit cause the seat is cold! Good God! I feel like I am yelling at her cause I am saying quickly and strongly-"sit down before you pee on everything!" Or, "It'll warm up quick-just sit!" as I am moving her into place. More pants for the washer...
And Deef-I wear the same clothes all the time and live in sweats. When I had the nieces wedding to go to-I spent so much money cause I bought myself new underware and bra as well as the dress and shoes! Tooooo much $$$ was spent-but I never get dressed up and it was sooo nice!
Bobbie-thanks for starting the thread. Been a life line for me!
What I like most on the thread is that sometimes you guys say something I never thought of before. To me it is like counseling. When I started so many year ago with counseling-I was angry. I thought that was just how it was. My counselor told me that anger is a choice. What a revelation! I just felt anger and went with it-I seriously had no idea that I could choose it! If he hadn't told me that, I would still be an angry person today. My point is that we may not agree with things eactother say-but it is a different perspective and maybe some ppl need to hear a different perspective... We have the choice to hear it or not or act on it or not, but if we never hear it-and never realize there is that choice out there...well, I know in my case that would be sad. So, I thank all of you for your perspective. Keep posting and venting!!! Please!
Well, she is calling-"Is anybody out there?" so I gotta run! Mame
You bring a nice vibe and I like all the different perspectives as well.
When I saw a therapist (1 visit when mom was diagnosed and evaluated) I thought I was angry. I overreacted to different things and would really get wound up.
The therapist was almost dismissive, but not in a bad way, just in a 'I've seen this over and over way' and said:
You're not angry, you're grieving.
Man oh man, it ebbs and flows.
lovbob
Lildeb, I have thought about creating a bracelet for care givers with it's own particular color ( I like using natural stones) and a relevant charm that would signify a care giver. Guess I should get working on that again after the holidays. I would also like to start a website to sell crafts, artwork, anything that is created by at home care givers to make some extra $$ as most of us aren't able to work. Some of us are very talented with our hands and others are great with words or picture taking, etc. Wouldn't it be a great thing to do!
Diane, at least Mom is so far removed from reality that she does not get frightened by the hallucinations anymore. They amuse her more than anything. Also, she is confined to the wheelchair, so easier to watch. We get her up for bathroom visits, but that's about all she can handle. Also she hasn't tried to get out of bed in well over a year and will rest until I get her up in the morning. She likes to dust the bed rail with the sheets! But it is very difficult to get her to take meds and eat now and fights us when we are getting her washed and dressed. I swear she tries to stand up off the toilet once every 2 or 3 seconds when we are cleaning her up! Gotten really good at holding her with one hand and washing her with the other.
Meanwhile, I shudder to think of the things Mom has ingested over the past year. They finally stopped giving her craft things to do at daycare when they were finding beads, styrofoam and other things in her mouth. I know she chews my fingers every night when I take her dentures out!
Mame, It will be good to have your mom back in daycare for sure! mine is sneezing and has a runny nose today, but I think it may be the dry heat. Of course one of my helpers had a cold 2 weeks ago, so it could be she has one starting up too. I sure hope not. Still not sure of a UTI or if it's the full moon. Both would definitely be a challenge to deal with.
And, it is SNOWING here!!! Pretty and already melting. But the cardinals are out in full force and Jen, I will get some pictures of them for you later!
Okay, I have to go and get that saw blade and a bag of bird seed. They seem to eat 3 times as much when it is snowing!
Now on the other side, You can lend those 30lbs for me for if my mnl starts to need help with me lifting her, I am going to need every extra pound I can get. Didn't anyone tell you that fresh spilled, squashy food is great for the hair n skin?
All bs aside, I wish I could give you some suggestion on how to get your mom to eat without spitting or spilling or clamping down on her teeth but I have no clue for I have not walked in your shoes.
Deef n Detflex n all those going through this similar situation with a family member, I feel so sorry n my heart weeps for you all during these struggling times n I wish I could be helpful yet all I can do is say a prayer.
Deef, I don't know where u r able to find the time to do the craft but all the power to ya n Yes, a bracelet sounds great with natural stones! That just reminds me of what Mother Nature has to offer n how powerful it can be n how we need to appreciate it everyday rain or shine. : ) Go feed your birds n I got to go feed the squirrels here n check on mnl for she is too quite n her room.
i tried to get him in the van he goes in head first and feet a danglin , oh gawd !! plz help me . pull and tugg and boy i paid for it the next day ...i was sore !!! thats when pa stayed in bed till i recovered my body back into health , oh for jesus christ as he would always said , never cussed but would say jesus christ !!
now im saying it ....
dont kill urself deef ! if mommy cant get up then she stay in bed , i find it much easier to care for pa if i just have him stay in bed , brought him bfast in bed lunch in bed and even supper . he would say i gotta poop , i roll him over and told him to go for it . he didnt feel right i had to explain to him that it is ok to do it cuz my back is out of whack i cant get him out of bed . so he did , bless his heart ....
i love my daddy ,,,, xoxo
Ahhh... A day in the life!
Don't think I will eat for a bit.
Any how, I managed to spend a couple hours in the cellar and cut out 8 cat bodies, 8 faces, 8 muzzles, 8 tails, and 32 paws. Phew!!! Now I have to machine sand all the tiny pieces and then hand sand them so I can start to paint. I'll let my husband do the hand sanding. At least I accomplished something besides laundry.
Oh yeh, Mom's brand new $7500 wheelchair will not go back to the full upright position. Go figure!!! Now I have to call and see if they can come to the house tomorrow and service it.
Man, I smell you know what. Better check my shoes and clothes to make sure I don't have any on me!
Back later. Husband looking for dinner!