Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Good Morning Crew,

Thank you Deef and Cat and all for being here.
You are all most kind. Goofballs. Love you guys.

Welcome to the home of Vent and Live Barb and Mish!

Firstly, this thread is not about good or bad taste and if someone reads the entire thing they would see numerous examples of hugely questionable taste, mostly from me.

After you dig sh!t out from under your fingernails a few times and everything else that goes with it you realize that not much matters but getting through the day and finding some laughs wherever you can.

Got no problem about being called out about anything; love the First Amendment, Critical Thinking and Intelligent Debate.

In my former life I was a comedian. Supported myself for years writing and performing and one thing I know for sure is that a successful joke has truth in it.

Now Cuz, my actual cousin, doesn't have a hateful bone in his body. He's a loving family man and a member of a loving community at home.
He's blown his back out doing favors for folks, whether it's a fence or something mechanical and never says no to someone needing help.

My mom that I write about was his aunt.

Now back to the joke. First of all it was a cut and paste (that has been removed from the thread, no biggie) and secondly, when someone says or repeats something like that it is indicating a deeper frustration with something else that is going on.
But it's not Hate. It's Politics.

We are all aware that this nation was built on the backs of immigrants, illegal or otherwise. It continues to be built on the backs of immigrants because Americans simply refuse to go pick their own produce. Imagine.

Combine that with the fact that folks with immigrant status can get free healthcare if they work the system and those of us born here can't get free healthcare then you have injustice and therefore a platform for a joke.

That's it, no big deal.

Another part of our situation is that TSA will search a grandma in a wheelchair and guys wearing middle east wardrobe zoom on by because we're not supposed to 'profile'.

You can Google the story about the lady with Dementia and her daughter. The lady was in a wheelchair and was forced to remove her Depends. No kidding. The level of intelligence and um, oh ya, critical thinking that didn't exsist that day at that airport deserves as many jokes as possible to point out that craziness.

To me, that's the highest purpose of humor.
Lenny Bruce said that the job of a comedian was to '...tell society when it was F*king up.' And of course comedians are some of the most flawed folks out there.

So, given that and the simple fact that all comedy is subjective and you have here, on this thread, the potential for folks to get offended.

There's the disclaimer and welcome again to the Home of Vent and Live!

OK, Caregiving is a voyage and all of us are at different waypoints.
Whatever is going on in your head and in your life that makes you nuts you write about whether it's an injustice that you see in a joke or the fact that your loved ones have a terrible disease that is going to become progressively worse. Just write it out and get it out of you instead of inside of you making you sick.

This entire site is full of smart, creative people and there are answers here for just about any situation. There's support and there's love.

This thread is also about support and love but not about blowing sunshine up anybody's butt. This disease is wicked bad and being a caregiver to your mom or dad or spouse is the hardest thing you will ever do.

Remember to breathe. Seriously. One of the first signs of stress is holding your breath.

lovbob

Hi Barb: Welcome to GO.

Bobbie, I got plenty of the wind!!!!!!! Very embarassing but(t) boy it felt good!!!!

Hey Yogi,

Ya, I know all about the emBAR(e)ASSing part...

And Cuz, they have a non aroma because there's nothing in you!

Have to give it a minute and 2 visits to the Golden Corral.

ok, off to run errands.

love you guys,
lovbob

Still alive here.

Unfortunately so is he.

Didn't win the half a billion. Anyone else?'

feel like I missed a lot..new people, old arguments...same bs situations going on?

Hmmn colon-oscopy been there... almost puked that... yes the prep is the worst, why I'd rather be unconscious for the prep and conscious while some 22 year old tech slides a garden hose up my...anyhow.

How are things?

No I don't think cat attacked me, she is just brusk, I am basically a coward; if I would take all the advice I could but I don't so I won't...just now anyway. But who knows. I need the support, the actual decisions to make major changes will just be me someday. And so on

Reading a lot sleeping a lot. Read Marcus Aurelius Meditations, some good bits about getting along with neighbors would truly apply to on line confrontations as well.

Ya say stuff when your riled up you regret later, it happens, only on line it is in print.
Least we are still talking.

I hope everyone is doing OK where ever they are. God Deef I do NOT know how you stand it...I don't even want to be in the room with fp.

Oh heres one: Mom talked to lady at fp' care center, she said fart pants had been spotting an totter-ing old woman with a cane, following her around with his wheel chair in case she fell over he could catch her....Jesus. they asked him not to becasue it was not safe for either of them he snapped "mind yer own business!" Well guess what fart pants, that IS there business, keeping you from doing stupid shit that may injure yourself or others is their business, front and center, if it isn't they lose their license.
Beh what ever.

Feeling really restless today! I think it is the season...I want to go Christmas shopping! I am too tired by the time hubby gets home. And I want to be with him. Some days, he is the only person I talk to besides mom...same stories over and over...ugh....dying of bordom!!!!!! I got my neighbor to come sit with mom Tues and went out for a bit. Just got lunch and read a book while I ate. Everyone working so no one to go to lunch with. I guess I really want/need social interaction. Somehow gotta work on that.
Good news! Mom's brother is driving the 50 minutes to see her tomorrow! We went to see him the last time and brought the wheelchair etc-so maybe now he gets how hard it is and how bad she really is! When their brother died many years ago, he said he wished he had seen his brother more...but it didn't make him see his sister more! I have to stay positive and be happy he is coming... I have such anger for the ppl in her life that have forgotten her. Now she won't remember next week that he was even here...maybe even the next day she wont' remember. Oh well. He is coming! Pray the snow stays away so as not to keep him from coming!
Barb and Deef-the stories you tell of your moms sound like my mom. I am so thankful that mom is pleasant-and has a sense of humor. I know she is heading in the direction of your mom Deef...but we aren't there yet. I do help dress her and help her on the potty, bathe and get all her meals and meds. The Oxygen tubing keeps her teathered to home...I don't think she would ever try to escape...she is a homebody.
I-on some days-can't wait for this to be over. But every now and again-I think-what WILL I do when she is gone??? The few weeks she was in the NH when she needed rehab I kinda got loopy just from her not being here and I was still "caring" for her by going to the NH every day! I thought it was going to be like a vacation and I would be so happy that she was gone for a couple weeks-but I wasn't at all. I was out of sorts. Everything felt like normal when she came back home...yes, that is my normal! I get it. I keep thinking about what I will do-but I really do not have a clue. I don't have a dream and maybe I should start thinking of one-to keep me sane for however long this goes on-and for something to have to look forward to and jump into when it is over... Seriously though-I think I was put on this earth to care for this woman. I have been doing it all my life. When I was 5 or 6 I was sitting on daddy's lap begging him to stop drinking and being so mean to her and us. When I could write, I wrote him letters saying the same things. When I cleaned out mom's house I looked through everything to find just one of those letters to see what I wrote. I kinda know and remember-but just to see one would have been amazing. But, I am sure he was devestated and destroyed them. He would stop drinking for a week but then start back up again... In high school, mom would beg me to stay home on Friday nights at least until he got home and passed out. If no one was there he would badger her etc...Then I was free to go out with my friends...meet up with them wherever they were...last one to the party! haha. Dad died 12 years ago and I stepped right in...moving her in here 8 years ago... so, I really feel I have been caring for her all my life... Not a clue what comes after mom.
Wow-have I just run off at the mouth/fingers or what?! Thanks for the therapy session! $90 right???
Welcome to Barb and Misha! Mame

Deefer12-no worries!-like I said I was being melodramatic. That really didn't offend me so I should not have pretended it did. And farts are funny-they just are-with a special needs daughter and a special needs Mom I get bombarded with them ;0)
Cattails- I saw the problems that happened on the forum from a few days ago. I attributed it to holiday stress-(and a full moon in top of that! Egads!) I have participated in a few forums -for enjoyment/hobbies and it seems that even on forums where the focus is on something so trivial as , say, a TV show emotions almost always run high at some point and then settle back down. I hope that happens here for you all as well!! I gathered from my reading that many of you have been here for years and the love I felt from the posts was amazing and beyond anything I have seen on other forums!! It is obvious you all care about each other so much. And that the people here run deep-feel things deeply,; care deeply and love deeply.
Barb-Hahahaha-love your Mom's Depends story! God bless her. My Mom is good about only wearing one Depends -haha but my daughter ! It is not depends , thank goodness!-she uses the toilet -but she has recently started her period and , well, I had worried for years that she would not want to wear a pad because of having sensory issues but jokes on me ! -that girl wants to wear ,like, 4 pads! She will come out of the bathroom with them up and down her leg! She cracks me up! I know this is a forum for elderly care but I hope I can sprinkle in some stories about my daughter because -A. They can be very funny B. the care is very similar at times( and very different too,at times) and C. I am a very proud Mom and find it hard not to talk about my girl.

I am going to post the whole story about my Mom and Dad in the discussion forum-would that be the best place?

Blessing to you all!!!!

Hi Bobbie321. I just saw your post. Sorry to come right out of the gate with my rant against your cousin's joke. I hope it doesn't cause contention! I have no doubt that your cousin is a very nice person. Thanks for the disclaimer! :0) haha. I will remember that! And I get poop! I mean -I deal with a lot of it! In fact I hear my daughter getting ready to call me to give her a wipe( she cannot wipe herself) I better run or she will try to do it herself which means she will then clog the sink with soap or toilet paper( on purpose) and make a poop soup in the sink. Gotta run...

Hi Y'all,

Mom is doing her usual afternoon dying routine. I am so over these spells. I don't doubt she may not feel the best, but "dying" at least two times a day is overboard. She cries wolf so much no one is going to pay attention when she really needs help. Considering she is "dying" she sure knows how to try manipulate you. Yesterday she scored 22 out of 30 on the memory test. I swear my mom is just playing me most of the time. It's this manipulative crap that gets me so irritated. I guess that is my vent for this afternoon.
Welcome Mishka and Barb.

I'll check in later.

Love ya,
Diane

I thought that this info might be of benefit for us caregivers with the stress we face daily. FYI...an email from one of our clients. I hope it will help at least one caregiver's life...book.

This is good info.
We did not know that you should NOT LIE DOWN while waiting for the EMT

Just a reminder to all: purchase a box, keep one in your car, pocketbook, wallet, bedside, etc.

IMPORTANT READ......



Why keep aspirin by your bedside?
About Heart Attacks

There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides the pain on the left arm.
One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating,
however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack
The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep, did not wake up.
However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep.
If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water.
Afterwards:
CALL 911
- say "heart attack!"
- say that you have taken 2 aspirins..
- phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by
- take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and...
DO NOT lie down

Book, thanks for the info. I was also watching Dr. Oz today and they said if you are having generalized pain and cannot point your finger at the location, this is a warning sign too. When my b/f had his heart attack last year he never had chest pain but intestinal distress nausua, vomitting and diarhea.

Bookworm, that is great info! Thanks! I never knew you should not lay down. My Grandpa-who I adored,- passed from a heart attack about 20 years ago. My Busha ( grandma) was trying to plow the snow off their driveway( she was 70) but could not get the plow to start-I think it starts like a lawn mower where you pull on the cord-my Grandpa came out to do that part, got it started after awhile of yanking ,zipped up my Busha's coat and went inside, lie down on the couch and died. Heart attack. The pulling of the cord they think did it. She found him just moments later because the plow had stopped again and she went to get him to start it up again. Goodness, to think if he had taken an aspirin and did not lay down perhaps he could have lived.
This is also a reminder to be careful when it comes to plowing the driveway! So many people get heart attacks from attempting to clean their snowy driveway. Usually from shoveling but even plowing is dangerous.

Is it as the AD progresses that, it affects their body n they forget how to walk n that is why you have to do all the lifting? Can u not buy a pee collection-poop container n put it under his bottom if he cannot get out of bed? Just seem it may be less messy. Of course I have no clue so just trying to come up with something n y'all probable already have tried this too.

Hey lildeb,

Can you get him to wear Depends? And get some Chux?
Deef knows all the tricks and will probably hook you up tomorrow.

They forget how to walk, swallow, sit, stand, etc etc.

I used to get mom up by standing in front of her and getting her to let me pull her up to her feet, take that moment to find her balance and I would walk backwards holding her hands and talking to her the whole time, telling her to move her legs, etc.

That worked for quite awhile but it is murder on your back.

If he won't get out of bed, I can't figure out what to do other than adult diapers but if he can call out for the toilet I guess you could do a pan or something. That still takes some muscle to get it under him.

Someone else that has experience in that will chime in.

Once my mom was bedridden she was in diapers and we changed her as soon as she went.

That freaking Ensure looks the same going in as it does coming out.

lovbob

Book!
Good to see you kiddo.
lovbob

Hey there!!! Been painting all day and finally decided I had enough! Will finish my cats tomorrow. Wanted to check in on everyone before I got too sleepy.
Jen, I sure hope FP doesn't get kicked out of daycare! I know it's only a matter of time for Mom. She needs constant care and is a lot of work to feed and toilet, but this daycare has some wonderful people working for them. The company that used to run it would have thrown her out by now just because of the manpower used to deal with her. I'm very grateful for all that they do. Sounds like some really heavy duty reading you are doing. I'm afraid all I can deal with right now is mushy romance novels. At least I don't have to think, just imagine it's me they are writing about. Yeh, right!!!
Mame, sorry your dad was so sick. It must have been really hard for you and your mom. My dad's father was an Irish railroad worker that loved his drink too. He died at 51 and left 6 children. My dad was second oldest and already had both my older sister and me with another on the way. His youngest sister and brother were still at home, the brother being 13.
He spent the rest of his short life helping his mom and working hard to help my mom raise 7 children. He had a major heart attack when he was 45 and open heart surgery 6 months later, the day after New Years. I was 22 at the time and had been married less than a year. My youngest brother was only 5 and I stayed home with him while Mom went to Boston for dad's bypass surgery. This was 1974, so it was the early stages of bypass surgery. he was in the hospital for 16 days and then home. My grandparents and my husband and I pretty much took care of my 3 younger sibs during this time. My older sister was away from home with her husband who is retired Air Force, and the oldest of my brothers was dealing with a young wife and baby. Dad struggled with his health for the next 9 years and died of a massive heart attack at the age of 54, 2 months after his mom died of throat cancer. That was almost 31 years ago.
Basically, because I have always lived in the family's 4 apartment home that we all grew up in, it became my job to watch over mom and the youngest sibs. So I truly know what you mean about being there for your mom all your life. It will definitely be interesting to see how I will react.
In the meantime, do you knit, crochet, sew or do anything creative? I would be a crazy person if my hands weren't always busy knitting or painting. It takes me away for a little while each day. I do these 2 craft shows every X-mas just to make myself paint again.
By the way, if you are bored, I have a husband that just sits around all day. I can send him out on the next flight if you need company. I sure could use a break from his voice!!!
Mishka, Your daughter sounds like a real gem! She sounds very special, and please do tell us about her. I bet you have some great stories to share!
Diane, have you tried ignoring your mom for a day? I mean, literally do not jump when she calls. Don't take the bait! Unless of course you think she could get hurt, then you have to listen to her. I still think another attempt at med changes would help. It took Mom's doctors 3 years to get the right combination that works for her. She stopped crying and panicking when they put her on 30 mgs of Paxil and the seroquel works best to help her sleep for hours. She can't take it during the day. It makes her to groggy.
Lildeb, Diapers are the best for bedridden. I use Wellness Briefs. Best on the market after going through many brands and Mom still getting up soaked to her hair. I no longer have to wash bedclothes almost everyday due to her wetting them. Now I only wash them when they are dirty!! I also use washable bed pads because she would pick at and tear the disposable ones. Put a pair of his undies over the diaper so he can't pick at it. I also have to put her arms on top of the sheet and tie that to the bedrail so she can't get to the diaper. I know it's a pain, but beets getting up to messy mornings. You can find these diapers on the web. they are also cheaper than most other brands. Only downside is they don't come in pullups. hey nicknamed them NASA diapers.
Okay, I have 4 cats staring at me and looking for food. Then I'm going to bed. Night everyone!

I think my dead husband is haunting the plumbing. He did completely replace the plumbing in this house about 10 years ago. Ever since he died last year the main toilet started stopping up. Sis and I took it apart 3 times. Snaked the line, hauled the thing into the front yard and ran the garden hose thru it. Replaced all the parts in the tank. Nothing worked. Finally broke down and bought a new toilet at the hardware store. Put it in and the new toilet leaked. No amount of pipe dope, caulk or caskets (I mean gaskets) helped. The hardware store gave us another tank, still leaked. Would have taken the whole thing back, but broke the tank trying to tighten the screws that wouldn't stop leaking. Had to buy another new toilet, so far so good. I bet anything my Sam is laughing his ass off. He loved practical jokes.

You may have heard that Hostess Bakery declared bankruptcy due to a workers' strike, and all the plants shut down.
However, you may not have heard how the company’s assets were split up.
The State Department hired all the Twinkies.
The Secret Service hired all the HoHos.
The generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes,
and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.

It's late Fall, and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.

He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood.'

am feeling like theres a AMBER JANE here somewhere .

CUZ - love ur jokes ! made me smile tnite . thanks for the email , realy awesome ! wow ...

nighty night u all . xoxo .
austin -- where are you ?
jen-- keep warm dear ..

I'm new here and I have been reading your posts and I'm not alone! Thank you. It's 2:50am and I stumbled on to this web site. Feeling better, will visit soon. Thanks for sharing

Stopping by to say Hi. I'm still caregiving as all of you are. My Mother has not uttered an intellegible word in a month. singing and humming non stop. Can't move her arms or sit up. She is not responding to questions even about things she likes. It is painful to see.
Sorry to hear of the drama. Bless Jen, Bookworm, loving souls. Since things are healing, I won't comment further except to say I don't mind confrontation; what bothers me is being ignored or shunned. Passive agressive manipulation. It makes one feel unaccepted, excluded, different, inferior. Not nice. Hurtful:(
I am Blessed with a few true friends I met here. UnbelievablyThankful.
Hope you all have a Merry Christmas and/or a Happy Hannukah.
Love, Christina xo
PS: OBMAJ

Oh Christina.
Talk about hurtful.
Read back what you wrote to us after we called out to you for so long and you never answered.
lovbob

Sorry to hear about your mom Chris!
Hello Weed!
Linda!!!
Meanwhile, Plumbing issues are the bane of my existence!! This house has 4 apartments and all kinds of old pipes still needing to be replaced! My toilet needs the guts replaced, but I'm waiting for it to go completely. It's not something I look forward to doing. I just got a bottle of Draino to do all my sinks because they are draining slow again. What I really need to do is replace the waste pipe from my apartment down through the cellar. I'm sure it's packed with years of grease, etc. to the point where there is a small path for the water to pass through. Maybe in my next life when I am rich!!!
Okay, need to get Mom out the door to daycare. I have lots of work to get done for tomorrow's craft show!
Hope everyone's day is a good one!

Good morning everyone,
Another early morning for me. For some reason Mom thinks 5:00 am is the new time to get up. I usually can get her to go back to sleep for a short while after I get her changed, but the last few days she will doze for a few minutes and then try to get up again. After a couple of attempts, I just get her up and dressed. Either way I am up at 5. Of course then she sleeps in her chair all morning.
Deef, thanks for all the info. Mom's appetite is better since she came home from the hospital but from day to day, I never know what she will eat. Things that she used to love, she won't touch now. This summer she told me she didn't like chicken. It's like my kids when they were toddlers, if they didn't know that was what it is, they would eat it without problem. Last night she ate fried chicken without hesitation.
I will definitely look into the Wellness Briefs. The depends are fine for Mom during the day, but at night she gets soaked and I'm sure that's what wakes her up.
Thanks for the welcome everyone, I will check back in later.
Barb

Hey there everyone- sorry i have been absent from the thread for a few days. I just didn't really know what to say with everything going on with Book and Cat. Because they are both my friends and they still are. And i am glad to see that they both have posted on here. And then my computer was acting up one night and last night i laid down with connor and i didn't wake up til this morning. I was planning on getting back up last night and posting to everyone but i still have not read the posts from everyone, just glancing over them.
Book- Glad to see you posting, and that was some good info about the heart attack. Hugs
Cat- I am glad to see you posting too. It was a good start. I know the holidays are hard on you this year. You have had alot of losses this year. And that just makes the holidays especially hard. Hugs.
Mishka and Weed- welcome to the grossed out thread we hope that we all here can be of some comfort to you two here in this crazy life that we all are trying to get through. It is hard and we all need the support. hugs
Jen-prayers for you today and for the days ahead. I don't know how you do it. hugs
Deef-Dtflex- how are ya'll doing? hugs to ya'll.
Bobbie- how are you and the boat doing? hugs
I know i have missed some of you, and i am sorry i will try to play catch up tonight since it is hubby nite to lay down with connor. I have a headache and i have got to go to work at the store for my sis for a few hours then off to dads for a few then pick up connor from school. I have been trying to get up some xmas decorations and i have just not been in the mood for it. Gonna try to get lights on my second tree this afternoon when i get connor outta school. I have been trying to get lily the puppy to quit biting the xmas light cords, any suggestions? I don't want her to get shocked!!! I tried putting on cayenne pupper on the cord, i don't know how well that is going to work knowing lily she willl like the taste. ugh....
This morning she got hold of one of the xmas red balls and was running around with it in her mouth. Finally got that away from her!!! I have to give her treats to get stuff away from her. Well i need to go for now, but i will post later on. I hope everyone has a good day. Love and hugs stormy

Good Morning, Bobbie, etc.
I did not come back and read for many months. All I know is the way I felt when I was here. I just gave up after realizing this doesn't work for me. Sometimes that is the case, but I came back this morning with hope in my heart that maybe I was wrong. I see that everyone is forgiven except me. I don't get it, but I will survive and move on. Have a nice day. Christina

bobbie - u hurt my christina angel . ur commet was harsh to me , not a CHRISTINA whats up ! did u wake up the wrong side of bed or what ?

christina angel ---- sorry to hear that ur mom isnt herself anymore . it is so sad .. my dad was like that at the end . stares off spaces stare at the wall . even ask me if i ve seen mom or johnny , aww no pa i missed them dang they didnt wait for me to come in here . man i miss pa . i know u take good care of your mom cuz CRICKET SAID SO ! ure so good to ur mom as i was good to pa . u call me linda hearts and i call u christina angel . love you bunches christina xoxox

I don't know why I do it....

what jen ? do what ? what did u do ??? mmmm