Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Gah the toilet paper thing! that she told you why helps but that she won't put it in the garbage not cool could you get a little can and say it is especially for the tp?
Hey everyone! Will post tomorrow. Right now just tired and need to get to bed. Found out late yesterday that my aunt, dad's oldest sister died on Saturday. Husband saw the obit online. So I called all my sibs to let them know that the calling hours were last night and the funeral this morning. I was home with mom last night. so my youngest sister and 2 brothers went to the wake. my husband and I went to the mass this morning and I went to the cemetery and then to the lunch afterwards. it was nice seeing my dad's remaining 2 sisters and 1 brother. talked for a couple hours then came home to mounds of laundry and errands to run. Rip called to talk and then I was on the phone with my oldest sister. It was her Godmother that passed and she is in Virginia, so I related everything that was discussed with dad's family. It sure sucks to get old! talk to you all tomorrow!!
Was hoping you would be over this by now Flex!!! Poor thing. Cat-good one! Linda-I am always happy to see my first Robin! None here yet but the Goldfinches are back at my feeder! Sorry about your Aunt Deef but glad you got to see your other relatives. Enjoy the sun Jen! How you doin Meanwhile? Hi Stormy, Lildeb, Bobbie, Cuz. Austin?Judy? wasup??? Emergency visit to the vet yesterday. Dog is fine but has a sore wrist...could be arthritis-he is 11 or as the chart shows 72 in human years.He is on doggie advil now...and ice... Like the visit and meds weren't enough $-the vet says, "Ya know, sometimes this is just arthritis but sometimes it is bone cancer. We should do an xray." So I ask what we do if it is bone cancer. She says that they can amputate the leg but it isn't as easy for the dog if it is a front leg as a back. And, usually if it is in one bone it is in others...so, the dog probably only has 6 months to live" Well then! Thank you for that! I guess I will take my chances that he just got stepped on by the puppy I watch and he will be fine in a few days! And hope for the best of course! Good God! I swear they just want your $$. The dog is already better today. So, we will see! We do get 10 days off from puppy sitting tho so it can heal!! My sweet bro who helps me with mom a lot, brought flowers and a card to mom last night...she was so happy! We put them on a table in her living room where she could see them from her bedroom when she went to bed... It will be interesting if she sees them first thing this morning and remembers. We'll see! Well, I hope everyone does ok today! Mame
Have a Pug goin on 14 here, not sure how much longer he seems really old but his quality of life is good....
It's day for fat insults I guess, my pen pal ( a "former" anorexic) sent one today that equated fat with evil and sin...right what ever...
here's a bit of the bible on fat I found on line:
What the Bible says about Fat People
First of all, it is important to understand that God really likes fat. So I suppose he likes fat people, too. (He's probably overweight himself.)
All the fat is the Lord's. -- Leviticus 3:16
Even God's sword is fat (and bloody).
The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness. -- Isaiah 34:6
God even likes fat animals. He plans to feed people to to them to make them nice and fat.
Thus saith the Lord GOD; Speak unto every feathered fowl, and to every beast of the field ... Ye shall eat the flesh of the mighty, and drink the blood of the princes of the earth ... And ye shall eat fat till ye be full, and drink blood till ye be drunken, of my sacrifice which I have sacrificed for you. -- Ezekiel 39:17-19
God makes the diligent fat. (Lazy people are always skinny.)
The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 13:4
God makes liberals fat, too. (I guess religious liberals should be the fattest of all.)
The liberal soul shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 11:25
If you put your trust in God, he will make you fat.
He that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 28:25
Being fat is is sure sign of righteousnous in the eyes of God.
The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree ... they shall be fat and flourishing. -- Psalm 92:12-14
Jen - I think too many people focus on what someone looks like than what's on the inside. I, myself, look at what's inside. You - you, my friend, are one of the most interesting, loving, beautiful people I have ever known and I know nothing about what's on the outside, ONLY what's on the inside! Happy Valentine's day, Jen. Love ya, Kuli
Suffice it to say that another "holiday" has gone by and we caregivers have had just another day in the life??? Same old same old... Sent a snotty email to the siblings who couldn't even call mom on this "holiday" yet they have time for Facebook and all their political rants...Ugh... Whatever... tomorrow is another day...
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Holiday Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT...Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirins $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time...PRICELESS
Quiet here, do not worry about bible and fat stuff over it, agree with kuli...
Lets all be grateful we are not on a cruise ship in Mobile right now...wait a minute, trapped in a smelly, annoying, stress inducing environment we can't control and trying to pass the time waiting for relief....??? THAT IS MY LIFE!!!!!
Linda, if I could get drunk..........I'd come right over...
Gonzaga won their basketball game against St. Mary's so that's good.
I sent a synopsis of my new play to NYC theatre contest, any feed back would be good.
"Do not worry about the bible and fat stuff" What a relief. Thanks Jen for clearing that up. I didn't know if I should stop eating or get reverse liposuction. That bible has some tricky shit it in.
Hey Jen: I know it's tricky, but the fat stuff just threw me. WTF, being fat is in the bible. I'm just use to the normal stuff about gays, other religions and who ever has a wild hair to interpret a passage to support their current rant. It's a slippery slope my friend.
Anyone else hate the new commercial from Kay Jewelers...
My God, "Care Giving" to sell jewelry. Better to sell time share vacation spots in tropic zones and therapy packages and anti-depressants..
Guy gives his wifie a necklace for letting his father move into their home and wifie says "It's his home too..." AaaWWWWWWWW.
The comment about buying head phone for the teenage daughter is telling. Get her loose clothing too.
Barf. Yes lovely sentiment, if you have not got a damn clue as too what is coming. The arguments the urine soaked floor, the hygiene refusals, resulting in family illness born of fecal matter all over everything, the loss of personal space, the increasing care needs, and the following resistance to admitting to them creating more hassle. In the couple situation, there will be the added strain of care giving, plus child rearing, plus work, equals less couple time and then he can be pissed he isn't getting laid enough after the wife spends all day changing his old mans diapers and waiting on him hand and foot, pureeing food stuffs, picking up his prescriptions, taking him to Dr appointments, doing his laundry, cleaning his room. Then the kids will feel put upon and ignored and resentful, blame the mother of course. Add to it the increase in bills as well, of course if he can afford the diamonds maybe that won't be an issue for them...
If he can afford the diamonds, invest in a good nursing facility near by....
Jen-you have such insight! Loved-"Lets all be grateful we are not on a cruise ship in Mobile right now...wait a minute, trapped in a smelly, annoying, stress inducing environment we can't control and trying to pass the time waiting for relief....???" And the commercial-just like the Disney movies...lalala Yea, that beast changed and they lived happily every after...HA! Bet they didn't! Guess I am bitter too. Sent a snotty email to 4 siblings last night after some wine...not the best time to do that but I guess it gave me courage. One bro, who I did not expect to hear back from is the only one who responded! And he made no excuses and told me I was right! Not that he is going to do anything about it....but that is a step, I guess. So, here we are given another day...I feel like the movie "Groundhog Day" ...don't know what to do to change to a new day....ugh... Great joke Cuz. How you feelin Flex-any better? Was drinking with you in spirit last night Kuli! Beer belly here Linda! Maybe they meant phat-which means cool right? haha. Hey Deef! Hi Cat! Where's our captain?! Hello Bobbie and the rest of the crew! Mame
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first..”
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say: “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver , on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings..”
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes..” (Now that is beautiful)
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: “You guys line up alphabetically by height..” And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..”
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”
11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player , explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January) 12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know, and I don’t care.’” 13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.” 14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: “I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.” 15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: “Because she’s too ugly to kiss good-bye.”
Mame, good for you. Sometimes I wish I could drink. (Allergic to alcohol). Cuz, thanks for the laughs. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Sorry to tired to post more. Jen good luck with your play. Your such a talented writer.
Its 2am and I'm just getting home from the ER with mom. We think she had another TIA but really can't see anything new on the CAT scan. Luckily I had taken a little nap late this afternoon and I'm finally making some improvement on kicking this cold. I have to share this cough remedy I tried and as weird as it sounds, it WORKS! Rub Vick's on the bottom of your feet and put socks on and you can sleep without coughing!!!!! Last night I finally got a good nights sleep. Unfortunately for James I also snored all night :) I will catch up with everyones post later today. Have a good night dear friends!
Thanks Meanwhile... Sometimes I wish I was alergic to alcohol! Flex-glad you found some relief-what a strange thing to do! But if it works! Is your mom having any problems from the possible TIA? What made you think she was having one? I ask because my mom has those "vagal responses" and I have wondered if at times they were TIA's... I am so used to them now that I am afraid is she has a TIA I won't know. Anyway-hope you get to feeling better! Jen-let us know how your rugalah turns out! Good ones Cuz! I did hear from 2 more brothers...one was sheepish and started to say that he was going to come every.... blah blah blah. I said Look, I am not asking for life altering changes...just call mom... He admitted to wasting time on FB and I told him to waste 5 minutes and call. WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL!? The other bro has been very sick lately and I kinda felt bad-but he did call and he did tell me that they need to be kept on track...so he said it was good I said what needed to be said... Probably no change there! But at least he acknowledged my email. I am not sure what I was hoping for....maybe nothing-maybe I was just mad and had to get it off my chest... This is her 9th year here... Getting a little snow here today and going to be a cold week. The sun is still up at 5:30 in the eve now...I love when the days get longer...Hope springs eternal...haha My Blue Jays are back eating peanuts off the deck and yesterday a Titmouse took a peanut! I have never seen that before! I also have a pair of Goldfinches back. My neighbor says they have been at her feeder all winter-but not mine! So, I am taking it as a true sign of spring. :) My oldest wants to take me to a movie today. I am not a big movie buff but since he asked I have to go! Hubby is going to hang with mom. We are going to see the Hobbit in 3D. He is a huge Lord of the Rings fan. He has read all the books several times! And seen all/owns all the movies. This is his second time to see the Hobbit altho first time in 3D. He cracks me up. Well, hello to everyone out there! Hope you can have a moment for yourself today! Mame
kuli, that is so true about a lot of people. Too bad there r not more people like us that look at the 'real-person' n not whats on the outside.
Jen, Sorry about your ole pup getting on up their in the age group. Yet, like u mention, 'his quality of life is good." I am a per lover myself n I fully understand. I also agree 101% with Kuli that, "You are one of the most interesting, loving, beautiful people." that I have met online on this forum. I hope you have a good weekend. Kuli, I hope you have a good weekend too.
Well, we finally got some snow in our part of north carolina. We got maybe a half an inch to a inch, but it was kinda slushy but it stuck to the ground. We might get a little more tonight. I hope. Well, its time to bathe Connor so I will chat with ya'll later. Hugs Stormy
The Vick's thing is crazy but I just read if you cut an onion in half and rub it on your feet (soles of) you will taste it like and hour later! Probably soothes the skin too...
mame, hope you enjoyed the movie. I would love to see it. Read the Hobbit for the 1st time in the 6th grade. Love the other 3 books too. Diane, sorry about your Mom. Hope you can get some sleep.
Reading about all the going's on makes me feel fortunate that Ma is in such good shape and that I really have little to complain about. Thanks for being so honest-You guys are inspirational!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
OK here. sunny day.
Rip called to talk and then I was on the phone with my oldest sister. It was her Godmother that passed and she is in Virginia, so I related everything that was discussed with dad's family. It sure sucks to get old! talk to you all tomorrow!!
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women
talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello,
are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from
Scotland?"
And that's the last thing I remember.
Was hoping you would be over this by now Flex!!! Poor thing.
Cat-good one!
Linda-I am always happy to see my first Robin! None here yet but the Goldfinches are back at my feeder!
Sorry about your Aunt Deef but glad you got to see your other relatives.
Enjoy the sun Jen!
How you doin Meanwhile? Hi Stormy, Lildeb, Bobbie, Cuz. Austin?Judy? wasup???
Emergency visit to the vet yesterday. Dog is fine but has a sore wrist...could be arthritis-he is 11 or as the chart shows 72 in human years.He is on doggie advil now...and ice... Like the visit and meds weren't enough $-the vet says, "Ya know, sometimes this is just arthritis but sometimes it is bone cancer. We should do an xray." So I ask what we do if it is bone cancer. She says that they can amputate the leg but it isn't as easy for the dog if it is a front leg as a back. And, usually if it is in one bone it is in others...so, the dog probably only has 6 months to live" Well then! Thank you for that! I guess I will take my chances that he just got stepped on by the puppy I watch and he will be fine in a few days! And hope for the best of course! Good God! I swear they just want your $$. The dog is already better today. So, we will see! We do get 10 days off from puppy sitting tho so it can heal!!
My sweet bro who helps me with mom a lot, brought flowers and a card to mom last night...she was so happy! We put them on a table in her living room where she could see them from her bedroom when she went to bed... It will be interesting if she sees them first thing this morning and remembers. We'll see!
Well, I hope everyone does ok today! Mame
It's day for fat insults I guess, my pen pal ( a "former" anorexic) sent one today that equated fat with evil and sin...right what ever...
here's a bit of the bible on fat I found on line:
What the Bible says about Fat People
First of all, it is important to understand that God really likes fat. So I suppose he likes fat people, too. (He's probably overweight himself.)
All the fat is the Lord's. -- Leviticus 3:16
Even God's sword is fat (and bloody).
The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness. -- Isaiah 34:6
God even likes fat animals. He plans to feed people to to them to make them nice and fat.
Thus saith the Lord GOD; Speak unto every feathered fowl, and to every beast of the field ... Ye shall eat the flesh of the mighty, and drink the blood of the princes of the earth ... And ye shall eat fat till ye be full, and drink blood till ye be drunken, of my sacrifice which I have sacrificed for you. -- Ezekiel 39:17-19
God makes the diligent fat. (Lazy people are always skinny.)
The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 13:4
God makes liberals fat, too. (I guess religious liberals should be the fattest of all.)
The liberal soul shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 11:25
If you put your trust in God, he will make you fat.
He that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 28:25
Being fat is is sure sign of righteousnous in the eyes of God.
The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree ... they shall be fat and flourishing. -- Psalm 92:12-14
happy valentine to u all !
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect
order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT...Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time...PRICELESS
Lets all be grateful we are not on a cruise ship in Mobile right now...wait a minute, trapped in a smelly, annoying, stress inducing environment we can't control and trying to pass the time waiting for relief....???
THAT IS MY LIFE!!!!!
Linda, if I could get drunk..........I'd come right over...
Gonzaga won their basketball game against St. Mary's so that's good.
I sent a synopsis of my new play to NYC theatre contest, any feed back would be good.
Good One cuz pahahahaahaa
My God, "Care Giving" to sell jewelry. Better to sell time share vacation spots in tropic zones and therapy packages and anti-depressants..
Guy gives his wifie a necklace for letting his father move into their home and wifie says "It's his home too..." AaaWWWWWWWW.
The comment about buying head phone for the teenage daughter is telling. Get her loose clothing too.
Barf. Yes lovely sentiment, if you have not got a damn clue as too what is coming. The arguments the urine soaked floor, the hygiene refusals, resulting in family illness born of fecal matter all over everything, the loss of personal space, the increasing care needs, and the following resistance to admitting to them creating more hassle. In the couple situation, there will be the added strain of care giving, plus child rearing, plus work, equals less couple time and then he can be pissed he isn't getting laid enough after the wife spends all day changing his old mans diapers and waiting on him hand and foot, pureeing food stuffs, picking up his prescriptions, taking him to Dr appointments, doing his laundry, cleaning his room. Then the kids will feel put upon and ignored and resentful, blame the mother of course. Add to it the increase in bills as well, of course if he can afford the diamonds maybe that won't be an issue for them...
If he can afford the diamonds, invest in a good nursing facility near by....
Every Kiss Begins With Kay...Kiss my Ass....
Bitter Much?
yes....
Sent a snotty email to 4 siblings last night after some wine...not the best time to do that but I guess it gave me courage. One bro, who I did not expect to hear back from is the only one who responded! And he made no excuses and told me I was right! Not that he is going to do anything about it....but that is a step, I guess.
So, here we are given another day...I feel like the movie "Groundhog Day" ...don't know what to do to change to a new day....ugh...
Great joke Cuz. How you feelin Flex-any better? Was drinking with you in spirit last night Kuli! Beer belly here Linda! Maybe they meant phat-which means cool right? haha. Hey Deef! Hi Cat! Where's our captain?! Hello Bobbie and the rest of the crew! Mame
I'm gonna look up a rugalah recipee
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
“I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first..”
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say:
“I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,”
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver , on his coach, John Jenkins:
“He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings..”
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes..”
(Now that is beautiful)
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: “You guys line up alphabetically by height..”
And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..”
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
“That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”
11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player , explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
“I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’
He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know, and I don’t care.’”
13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D:
“Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”
14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: “I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.”
15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
Phillips responded: “Because she’s too ugly to kiss good-bye.”
I will catch up with everyones post later today. Have a good night dear friends!
Flex-glad you found some relief-what a strange thing to do! But if it works! Is your mom having any problems from the possible TIA? What made you think she was having one? I ask because my mom has those "vagal responses" and I have wondered if at times they were TIA's... I am so used to them now that I am afraid is she has a TIA I won't know. Anyway-hope you get to feeling better!
Jen-let us know how your rugalah turns out!
Good ones Cuz!
I did hear from 2 more brothers...one was sheepish and started to say that he was going to come every.... blah blah blah. I said Look, I am not asking for life altering changes...just call mom... He admitted to wasting time on FB and I told him to waste 5 minutes and call. WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL!? The other bro has been very sick lately and I kinda felt bad-but he did call and he did tell me that they need to be kept on track...so he said it was good I said what needed to be said... Probably no change there! But at least he acknowledged my email. I am not sure what I was hoping for....maybe nothing-maybe I was just mad and had to get it off my chest... This is her 9th year here...
Getting a little snow here today and going to be a cold week. The sun is still up at 5:30 in the eve now...I love when the days get longer...Hope springs eternal...haha My Blue Jays are back eating peanuts off the deck and yesterday a Titmouse took a peanut! I have never seen that before! I also have a pair of Goldfinches back. My neighbor says they have been at her feeder all winter-but not mine! So, I am taking it as a true sign of spring. :)
My oldest wants to take me to a movie today. I am not a big movie buff but since he asked I have to go! Hubby is going to hang with mom. We are going to see the Hobbit in 3D. He is a huge Lord of the Rings fan. He has read all the books several times! And seen all/owns all the movies. This is his second time to see the Hobbit altho first time in 3D. He cracks me up.
Well, hello to everyone out there! Hope you can have a moment for yourself today! Mame
Jen, Sorry about your ole pup getting on up their in the age group. Yet, like u mention, 'his quality of life is good." I am a per lover myself n I fully understand.
I also agree 101% with Kuli that, "You are one of the most interesting, loving, beautiful people." that I have met online on this forum.
I hope you have a good weekend.
Kuli, I hope you have a good weekend too.
Diane, sorry about your Mom. Hope you can get some sleep.