Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

I hit the button accidentally too soon, I hope everyone has a good Friday. ; 0

It looks like we are going to have a few inches of the white stuff here by morning. It's been snowing off and on since early yesterday, but not sticking. This morning there was about a half inch on my car, but it had melted on the ground. After snowing all day we have maybe 2" and supposed to get the most overnight now that it is colder. Keeping my fingers crossed that there will be daycare.
Mom was pretty tired when I picked her up today, so I put her down for a nap. She did well with supper, but zoned out after and I had to open her mouth with my fingers to get her meds in. She fell asleep right away, so she must have been really tired.
I got some laundry done and did some grocery shopping before I had to get Mom. Then I made a huge pot of potato leek soup. It's delicious! I called my friend at work and let her know I had a huge bowl for her to pick up on her way home. My husband doesn't eat it, so I give away what I won't eat. With all that snow sticking to the trees, it was a perfect day for homemade soup!
Diane, Breathe!!! Screw your sister!!! I always get comments from my family about the dust in Mom's house and stuff laying around. I just tell them maybe they should take a week off and come by and clean it up to their standards if they don't like it! I have enough to do just keeping up with Mom and all the care she needs. My house is no better because I am with Mom lost of the time, and my husband doesn't do anything to help there. I give up and just do "duh" time when I have a free minute! My shoulder is still killing me and I have no ambition right now. I sure hope I get some so I can do a good cleaning when spring gets here!
Stormy, at least you have some news on your dad. I sure hope they get your thyroid straightened out soon! It such a process to get it right with some meds!
Shirley, Sounds like you are working all the time. It's hard when you have to do it on your own!
Sharyn, Yup, that's dementia, AD, all the same when they get to a certain stage. All we can do is keep the fed, clean, and safe when they get to the point where they can't do it themselves anymore. Make sure she gets the right meds to keep her on an even keel and to make it easier for her and especially for you. If she has trouble sleeping at night, ask the doctor for something to relax her and help her sleep. Mom gets 2 Seroquel. I know there are warnings about giving this med to elderly people with dementia, but at this point in Mom's dementia, what's the difference if it gives her a good nights sleep and she gets up rested and happy in the morning.
Jen, can't wait to see pictures of the hair cutting ceremony! I need to call my niece for a buzz real soon! Can't stand all this hair anymore! Cook or bake anything new lately?
Kuli, Sophie eating is a good sign! Of course she has to poop and pee too! Rip had a Sophie too and she was so cool! She had so many rescues when I visited 2 years ago, and since then has lost 4 or 5 to predators or illness. It breaks my heart every time she tells me she lost another kitty. Losing animals is so hard!
Mame!!! I have joined in on other threads lately, that concern Parkinsons, Lewy Bodies and dementia in general. There was one that sounded a lot like Mom in the early stages and now. It's called Frontal Temporal Dementia and there was a lot on the subject of dreams, real and imagined. I'm beginning to thinl Mom does not have PD, but this particular kind of dementia as it has more of the symptoms Mom had and has, than the PD or Lewy Bodies. Google it and see if it sounds like your mom.
BJ and Cat, I am jealous of the wildlife you both get to see! I have old houses all around me and mostly see birds of all kinds and squirrels. We are right at the bottom of a valley that is surrounded by woods, so we are not far from wildlife. We had 4 baby racoons coming into our yard a few summers ago. they were eating off of our concord grape vines. They were too cute! The woods start right at the end of our street, but there are too many houses where we are for the wildlife to just show up in our yards.
Okay, I have a potato leek mess to clean up in my kitchen. I don't want to wake up to dishes and pots everywhere in the morning. Hope you all get some rest tonight and have a good day tomorrow.
Diane, if your sister is being an ass, let us know, we'll take care of her for you!

Mame, my husband seemed to be dreaming of the past towards the end. He talked in his sleep quite a bit. It seemed to be mainly about the Marine Corp, or his childhood on the ranch.
Diane, can you leave as soon as your sister gets there? She is coming to see your Mom, why should you have to put up with your sister?
Hope everyone has a good Friday. Love Shirley

Did try baking cinn rolls two days ago, new yeast wouldn't rise they turned out terrible, just not in the mood now. Wanting to get Chinese again, but I will not ask, not worth the pain.
Yes, it's all hilarious here, his room has gone from piss to feces smell...Mom had another day of "That's just the color of the nail!" Yeah right old man, if you got shit brown nails you need to see a doctor.

Well, we have 10" of snow here and it is still coming down at a good clip!!! Weathermen are totally useless!!! Good thing I went out and shovel the driveway and sidewalk after 11 last night! Made it easier for sil to get off to work this morning. Lex has the day off as they have reservations near the New Hampshire shore for the weekend, for much needed R&R. But I'm thinking they may have to cancel as the snow line is from 495 west and they have to take 495 north to get there. Got to get the snow blower fired up soon and dig out the cars and the rest of the driveways.
Mom is not cooperating today. I have tried to feed her numerous times and she will not open her mouth. I'm taking a 20 minute break and will see if she is ready to eat soon. So frustrating to have to deal with her all day and get the snow cleaned up!
I have that class at the yarn store tomorrow and I'm thinking my hands and arms will be useless after cleaning up the snow. Northampton is west of here and is barely getting any snow, so the class will not be canceled.
I posted a couple pictures on Facebook from this morning. It's really pretty to look at, but the snow is wet underneath and heavy!
Okay, off to try to feed Mom again!

Gah deef, it feels that cold here but the roads are bare! Hope your mom calms down.

Hi all. Just a little snow here! Again we are just too far west of all these storms on the east coast this year! I have to bathe the dog and get some cleaning done....son coming home from college with girlfriend and she is not a huge fan of dogs... likes them but... so, I am getting rid of any dog smells and hair lying around to make her stay more comfortable... Also, I think I had another tick! Yesterday I scratched at something on my back and it went flying...and left a small hole...I am not sure it is all out so the Dr wants to see it. So, I have to run out to see him today. AND, had the taxes done Tuesday and came home and checked them over and found a mistake. Good God-what am I paying him for??? So I have to go pick up the corrected taxes too. Gonna be a busy day. Mom was up earlyish but that may work out better anyway.
Thanks for all your responses about the dreams etc. Shirley-mom not only dreams of her past but talks in her sleep a lot! Hubby and I used to listen on the monitor in the middle of the night just to see if we could figure out who she was talking to or about. She doesn't do it so much anymore. Deef-I will look up that Frontal Temporal Dementia. Thanks. Sorry you have to shovel etc with the bum shoulder! Careful! Lildeb-I feel like I am always reminding the Drs about things and it makes me crazy. What would mom do if I wasn't there? I guess things just wouldn't get done! This weekend we set the clocks ahead-that will goof up our cats, dogs and parents! Us too!!! Flex-dream or reality-yea, mom doesn't know sometimes too and it confuses her so...and yes Kuli it is awful when she realizes she is mixed up! Such a sad look on her face! Jen, hope you have lots of gloves on hand and Clorox cleanup! Hey to Cat, Stormy, Austin and Cuz and Bobbi and the rest of ya! Gotta get the dog in the tub! Blue skies here-maybe a 1/2 inch of snow...hopefully gone tomorrow with 40 degrees + coming. Will watch Syracuse's St Patty's Day parade on TV with mom tomorrow! My niece is an Irish Step dancer and dances in the parade! Fun to try and see her! Take care all! Mame (Got the first disc of the 2nd season of Downton. Wow-2nd season is serious!)

Deefer, I like to see the pictures u posted on fb if u don't mind. What name do u go by on fb? That is if u don't mind. Sorry u getting all that white stuff n your mom not cooperating with eating. Maybe later she will get hungry.

Jen, so sorry u have your hands full too.
Maybe this will shed a little light n give u a chuckle and a few others for I sure as hell did this am. I know I should be wrong but it was too funny. Hubby got up to get ready go to work n he takes his showers every other day so, today was one of his days for the shower. Remember I cut off the water from the sink from the mil playing in it to take a pee. Well, he mention n I am half asleep that I may need to turn the bathroom sink back on for when he got out of the shower he started to dry his face with the towel hanging on the rack n he notice is was all brownish. Shit all on it! I couldn't hold myself back for it was funny. I don't think he like the humor but it is what it is! Not nothing new from what I clean up all day here n their in the house. Ha! I turned back on the sink water but it still won't stop the poo from on the towel for when the water was running their be some on the towel. That is why I quit even trying to put nice pretty towels up in the bathroom for decoration. Going to check out a day care place today n drag the hubby for he needs to help on some of these decisions being it is his mom.

mame, I leave it all to sis n take a break away. Run as fast as u can n don't look back either. You deserve a break, go for it. Enjoy your movie too.

The mil gave me a little break yesterday. I guess she was a bit tired. Starting to worry about her for now she starting to complain she has trouble swallowing food n medicine. She is not in the late stage of ALZ for she is able to walk on her own n feed herself n use the bathroom as long as I keep n eye on her not to play in the water. I will mention it again on her next dr's visit n she will probable tell him that she don't have no problem but I have to try. Maybe I need to tape record her so I don't look like the bad person. I know her false teeth don't fit properly n she won't go to a dentist. The food I give her is soft like potatoes n n I shredd the bake chicken with gravy for her. She has been eating less. I may need to give her smaller single portions in between hours? Not to much I guess we can do when she won't admit her dentures don't fit right n she tells her dr she has no problem taking pills n such. I am not going to try n kill myself. When she gets ready I guess she will go.

I hope everyone here has a safe n good weekend.

It finally stopped snowing about 1:30!!! After 4 hours of shoveling and snow blowing, we finally got things cleaned up. My daughter and I did most of it and we are both exhausted! The stuff on the bottom was very heavy and wet due to the warmer temps.
Mom sat in the window sometimes watching us, so I could keep an eye on her. I just had some potato leek soup! So glad I made that yesterday, and a sandwich. Now I need to take some aspirin for the pain I have everywhere!

Deef: I love Leek and Potato soup. Wish someone would volunteer to do your driveway.

Mame: Do you live in Syracuse area? I heard once that Syracuse is the coldest city in the continental US. I didn't know that ticks could live when the temps got really cold. Yikes! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who chases dog hair all over the house. One of our shelties sheds like crazy. Her hair is so fine that it floats in the air and lands on everything.

BJ: Loved your wildlife post too. I cracked up when you referred to your dog as the BEAST. We call our two Shelties the beastie kids. When the elk were outside our bedroom window clanging antlers, I opened the window a bit to hear more even though it was very loud already. One Sheltie comes into the bedroom and her nose picked up the scent and she went nuts. Of course that brings her partner in crime running in too and now they are both barking their heads off. I should have never touched the window.

Diane: I hope your plan is to stay away from your sister. I'm grateful you have Hospice helping with your mom.

Bobbie: Hope you are doing ok and recovering from your fall.

Lildeb: Sending you a big hug. Hope you are feeling better. Have you heard anymore about tests for ovarian cancer for MIL?

Jen: Maybe a Hazmat suit is in order. That's so gross.

Meanwhile: How's the house coming along. Hope you are feeling better.

Kuli: Thanks for sharing about your dad and your kitty. Seventeen years is a lot of history with a pet. They go through so much with us and give us so much comfort during difficult times.

Stormy: Hope things are getting better for you.

Cuz: I always forget to thank you for the jokes. Thanks!!!!

Austin: Hope all is well with you.

I'm sure I missed some folks, but just know I hope your burdens lighten.

Hugs, Cat

So ready for Spring, for ALL of us!

I love those Irish dancers.
I can deal with poop, but not when it's all over where it shouldn't be.. Indio's new puppy got the runs, probably from eating horse manure. Had to help him clean up his living room, where she had an accident, (is the 1st mess she has made in the house). nothing like the mess Jen, and Lil Deb, and others have to deal with.
The adobe house is coming along. Have the walls sanded in 2 rooms ready to paint. Got the ceilings painted, new window in the bathroom, Indio is putting up the cement board for new tile in the shower. Someone had slapped plywood over the adobe, then put plaster on the plywood, to make a shower. It damaged the adobe. since plaster over plywood is far from water proof. Indio's cousin is repairing the stucco on the outside walls. Still lots to do. Going to take a break tomorrow and get the garden tilled up. Need to plant peas and carrots. Been 70 degrees all week here. Sorry about the snow. Hope it melts soon.
Everyone have a good weekend. Love Shirley

Thank you all for your comments, we are all going through one thing or another that grosses us out, thank god my mom is mellow yet. Love the food all over the place, like her putting left over pizza in with the cookies. We do have to laugh over it or we would probably go totally crazy.

As for the toothbrush thing, trying putting it in a different place. It does kind of remind me of Ariel in the Little Mermaid, as she had no clue as to what things were used for, like the fork to comb her hair. Keep smiling

Hey everybody; I have a confession. Hubby and I will be leaving for Maui this Monday. It is our 40th wedding anniversary and we decided to take the plunge and do this trip for us. I have not mentioned it because I am so sad for all of you who are between a rock and a hard place. My heart so goes out to all of you and I feel guilty sharing this information. But you are my friends and it seems like I should be able to tell you what is going on in my life. I just wish I could take all of you with me. It grieves me that I can't make that happen.

Love you all and please know that I keep you in my prayers.

Love, Cat

Have a nice trip Cat

Thanks Cuz. I am going to take this trip and enjoy it.

Cat, hope you have a wonderful time. You deserve it.
I'm just taking a break from the gardening. Still haven't gotten it tilled, keep finding missed veggies, some giant dakon radishes, beets, celeric root, and even some Indian corn. Better get back to work.

Deefer, after all that shoveling, I bet you have some muscle all over those arms! Try to take it easy n gets some rest n hopefully the snow will stop n give you two a break.

Cat, enjoy yourself with your hubby n Hawaii n we will all be here when u get back from your get-away. Just be careful from any sharks. When u get back, maybe u will share all the good stuff with us about your trip. Have a blast...

I hope everyone else on here is having a nice weekend.

Have A GOOD Trip cat.

Hmmn deef I would help shovel, for the soup...

Same old here, but saw robins in the area, so Spring has arrived.

Reading Helen Keller bio and Dostoyevsky...A man who felt why use three words when seventeen will do! I mean really.

Gonzaga won game, still holding No. 1 position.

Hope weekend is good for everyone. Jen

Everyone don't forget to set your clocks forward one hr today. ; )

Hey all! I ended up going to the Parade Saturday. Hubby stayed with mom (he hates parades and knows I love em!) Son's girlfriend had never been to a St Patty's Day parade-she is from Bellingham, Wa. and says they don't celebrate St Pat's like we do! And yes Cat-I grew up in Syracuse and live just outside it now. So, we went to the Syr parade and met up with bro and sil to see my niece dance in the parade. She did great and was all smiles! Mom and hubby saw her on TV. (Sadly, hubby had to explain who she was....didn't tell my bro that!) It was beautiful weatherwise here and I am very happy I got to go. Good memories with son and gf. And Cat-I feel the same way when I get out-kinda sheepish cause I know so many can't leave the house... But I am happy for any and all of us who have a moment away and pray for all to get some time away. I hope you and hubby enjoy yourselves and Happy 40th!!! Congrats too! As for Syr being the coldest place in the continental US-You may have heard that but I do not believe it is true-altho my husband may agree! Syr frequently receives the "Snow King" title in NY state-but even that is not true. It may be true between the big cities-Buffalo, Rochester, Syr...but Oswego and Fulton always get more snow than we do but aren't considered big enough to be in the running...which is a lame excuse. Anyway...winters can be long but spring, and fall are gorgeous and summer is never long enough! Jen-so happy you saw Robins! Am waiting to see my first here. My bulbs are sprouting! Meanwhile-good luck with your garden! Sounds awesome! Remembered the clocks lildeb!Thanks! Hey Cuz, BJ and Welcome Cinder! Hello to the rest of you out there! Hope you have a decent Sunday. Love-Mame

It's been an interesting weekend. Mom got really angry with me on Friday night. I had people here for a small dinner, a very RARE event as I usually don't have people at my home. As usual Mom wanted to put herself in the center of the dinner, wanted to monopolize the conversation. After the guests left, with one person remaining, Mom started to verbally attack one of the guests, saying horrible things. I asked her twice to stop. Both times she yelled SHUT UP to me. I was trying to have a conversation with the remaining guest and she just kept on. I told her to never tell me to shut up in my own home. I did not yell, never raised my voice. So she stomped off into her bedroom. That was 10:30 Friday evening. She has not said one word to me since and only comes out of her room to go to the restroom. She left twice yesterday, I assume to go to the fast food restaurants nearby as I did see signs she'd bought take-out food for herself. I let my sister know what happened and she said to let her pout. So that is what I'm doing.

I won't be inviting people to my home again. It's just too much trouble and very embarrassing to cope with her and her behavior.

BJ: I'm sorry you have to go through so much with you mom. You have been taking care of her for so long. I don't know how you do it. Has she always been like this or is this a recent change in personality?

Hugs to you,

Cat

Thanks, Cat. My Mom has always been controlling so this is not new behavior. She's spoiled. She never worked outside the home, had no outside interests other than my dad, my sister and me. She doesn't want 'friends' and doesn't think I should have any either. My sister would never put up with her behavior in her home. I'm a widow so it seems it has fallen to me to have her in my home. My sister is married and having to help raise grandchildren, a challenge within itself. Sis has stopped picking Mom up to take her shopping, something they used to do occasionally, because all Mom does is criticize me to her, which she does not like. We have approached the possibility of senior housing with my Mom and she's mortified and refuses to discuss it. There are apartments available at a very reasonable rate, for seniors. These apartments are separate from the nursing home and assisted living areas of our senior center. They are very cute and practical apartments. Mom said she would move there IF I would also move there but I am not ready for senior housing. Until 2010 I had a very exciting career and had planned to travel after retiring. That was my planned goal, especially since I was widowed in 2008. Now I can't even get my purse to go to the drug store a mile away without Mom jumping up and going with me. It's going to come to me forcing her out of my home since I have NO life without her. She will even get up during the night and check to make sure I'm in my room. Smothering. Mom still drives, does her own laundry, cooks her own meals (many many meals a day and doesn't clean up after herself) so it's not like she's helpless even though she will be 89 in September. She also handles all of her own financial business. I take no money from her.

And yes, my husband (before he died) and I have had my mom either living with us ... or on her own house (which she refuses to stay in now) since my Dad passed in '82. From 2006 - 2008, my husband was disabled before he passed. Mom was really no help in caring for him (she was always jealous of the two of us and our time) as she stayed in her own home until I came home from work. 8 months after I lost my husband, Mom had a non-threatening 3-day hospital stay with Bronchitis ... and when she came home from the hospital, she refused to go back to her own home and has been in mine ever since. I keep my home very clean - except her room. She hoardes and gets angry if I try to clean it. She's also messy in the kitchen. The only reason I haven't forced her to the senior apartments is because she's started (accidentally) three kitchen fires at my house as she cooks a lot -- so not sure if she'd be in danger in her own apartment.

Her existing house is on our property but she refuses to live there -- but has it packed full of her belongings. She doesn't even want me to organize her stuff there. I do plan to sell my property -- to much land to take care of -- and house, after she's gone. Therefore I want to work towards organizing everything, preparing the house/property to sell. My house is too large and the upkeep alone is breaking me financially. It was always my plan to sell this house after I retired. Now it seems I'm stuck.

Her behavior on Friday night is a pattern. When my husband (the love of my life) was alive, Mom still stayed in her own smaller home on our property. My husband and I own her home, paid for it and took care of it. I was very close to my husband's family but don't see them much now as she's been so rude to them in the past. We used to have wonderful family gatherings at our pool and invite my husband's family .. and Mom, though not invited, would come up and start trouble with them, ruining ever get-together. She would start verbal fights with my sister in laws and then demand I make them leave when they'd finally get fed up and respond back to her. I'm ashamed of myself that I didn't do something with her then because they didn't deserve to be treated in that manner and it was very disrespectful to my husband for me not to rein in my Mom. I know that now but still feel so guilty. I miss my husband very much, he was my ROCK.

BJ, so sorry about your husband. I lost mine in 2011. My mother used to be just like yours, but I the last couple of years she has turned into a sweet old lady. I think she must have been abducted by aliens and replaced with a pod person. My Mom is 79, doesn't sound like your mother is going to change at 89 year. I understand from past experiences how hard it is to stand up to your mother. Although that my have been what brought mine around, I finally quit trying to please her. That's when things seemed to go from not being able to do anything right, to suddenly, I can't do anything wrong. I cut Mom's hair today, did a terrible job, and she was happy as could be, because I did it. Go figure???