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BJ: Thanks for sharing about your life. I sure feel for you. I'm sorry about the loss of your husband. You really deserve to have a life without your mom in the middle of everything. Wish there was an easy way to get her out of your house. I can't vouch for this book, but I heard it recommended to another care giver. It's called "Setting Boundaries with difficult people" by David J. Lieberman. It might give you some ideas.
Meanwhile, glad the aliens took your old mom to the mother ship.
A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted nights sleep.
NEW Wine for Seniors I kid you not...
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as
PINO MORE
I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!! I just could not help it! Forward this to all your "senior" friends I just did. Sorry, somebody thought I deserved this so I'm spreading the love!
Meanwhile and Cattails - thank you. I so wish I could enjoy my Mom. I'm sure we would all love that. Meanwhile, I actually told my Mom's doctor he needed to prescribe some anti-depressants for her - and if he can't -- prescribe them for me. :)
Been catching up here at home and on the thread. Been pretty quiet! Went to my class Saturday, even though I had only 4 hours sleep!! Damn cat decided to scratch and meow at the back door all night!!! Plus I was sore and over tired from all the snow removal. I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to do the class because my hands and arms were killing me. But I took aspirin on the drive to Northampton and felt better by the time I got there. The class was very informative and the young woman who taught it was very helpful. I completed 2 projects and started a third before class was over. It was good to get away for the day, but as usual, it's more work than just staying home! I was very tired by 5 and picked up a pizza on my way home for supper. No way was I cooking! Mom at least behaved for Merry all day! Of course, wouldn't you know 2 of my brothers showed up while I was gone! The baby of all of us came in the morning and stayed for a few hours and fed Mom pizza for lunch. The oldest of my brothers showed up later and stayed for an hour. Mom didn't know either one of them, but that could be due to how little she sees them! Whatever, she asked me the other day, "where's Kathy? She hasn't been around lately!" I just looked at her and said I had seen her lately either! BJ, so sorry you have to put up with your Mom's crap!!! I would rather have my Mom forget who I am, than have her do things like that to me! You are so right to ignore her and let her sulk! You have her in your home and keep an eye on her, and to have to put up with her nastiness is too much! Time to stop catering to her and do something for yourself without feeling guilty. Shirley, Yuck! Doggie diarrhea! With a big dog like that, it must have been pretty awful. Sounds like you are getting things done in the house. I love to paint, artwork, but I hate to paint walls, window frames, etc. I would love to be able to plant a garden right now! Here we have to wait until after Memorial Day or suffer the possibility of a late frost. Sure makes the growing season a short one! It was bad last summer due to "stink" bugs. They got into the roots of all my squash plants and then the tomatoes. Mexican bean bugs got the bean plants. They only plants that did really well were the bell peppers and the cherry tomatoes. Got to treat the entire yard this spring with bug killer. Also had grubs in the lawn that attracted moles that tore up the yard everywhere. It wasn't a good summer for gardens or lawns here. Cinderbarb, Pizza in with the cookies? That's a new one even for my Mom! Keep us posted on your Mom's antics. Cat, Hope you are enjoying your vacation! Lildeb, Are you getting some rest? I hope so. You sounded awful last week and in need of some much deserved time off. Jen, how's the hair doing? Must be beyond "peach fuzz" by now! Glad you liked my pictures of my class projects! Mame, so glad you were able to have another good weekend! get them while you can! Kuli, how's Sophie doing? Linda, hope you are nor getting any more bad news! Yogi How are you doing? Stormy, any news on your Dad yet? Any more anxiety for you? Sharyn, Have you been in contact with your Mom's doctor yet? Sorry the MRI didn't give you the answers you needed. This whole dementia thing is a process and it isn't easy! Just do the best you can to keep your mom safe and happy. And don't be too hard on yourself. Just do the best you can for as long as you can. Bobbie!!!! Where's the captain of this here tug??? Hope you have recuperated from your fall. My shoulder is still giving me trouble, but I'm hoping it will get better. I started keeping track of what I eat today and am going to exercise every day. I need to shed all these extra pounds before summer. I refuse to buy anymore clothes until I can fit into the old ones from 2 years ago. Need to feed the 5 kitties, then get to bed! Have to get Mom up for daycare again tomorrow. We sat on the front porch for an hour after daycare this afternoon. With the time change and warmer temps, it was really nice! been in the 50's here during the day, ever since the snow storm on Friday. Go figure, New England weather!
Bk~Your mother sounds like how my mother had been all my life. Now she has dementia, on an antidepressant and she is better. However, we were not able to get her to take the antidepressant until the dementia progressed to where she can't follow conversations very well. I give it to her everyday and she thinks she is taking it for a problem with her toes. In the past, she would have looked the medicine up in her medical dictionary to find out more about it, she can't do that anymore. It is sad but at the same time a blessing that she is taking it and she easier to deal with now.
Deef~I love to garden, do crafts,etc., and I also hate painting walls. I have been trying to get my daughters old bedroom turned in a craft room but still have not completed it due to work and spending so much time with mom which will change at some point in time. I consider myself a novice photographer and hubby and I did get out for the first time yesterday since October to go on a drive. We ended up at Santa Cruz and took some pics of the wooden roller coaster cuz hubby wanted to make our daughter home sick since she now lives in Idaho, Lol!! My garden is a mess and hope to prune my poor roses end of week.
The neurologist called my sis today. She called back and he wants us to come in to go over everything. The receptionist was going to schedule the appt. for late April but sis told her that mom's safety is a big issue and her not eating regularly so she scheduled it for this Friday at 7:45am. Thank goodness I am off that day, it is a 30 min. drive (not a big deal) but I am not an early morning person and sis is 45 min. from us so it will be an early start for both of us. If the neurologist has nothing conclusive to offer us, I am going to ask for an evaluation by a neruo-psychologist who can test her memory and cognitive abilities. I don't think it will go that far but who knows for sure.
Back to gardening, our growing season here starts in February. Not trying to rub it in to those of you who on the East Coast or Mid West. What we need here in NorCal is rain but alas, it has been another winter of drought conditions and little snow pack in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. The snow pack is so vital for crops here plus we send water to SoCal for drinking water,etc. Stay warm everyone, enjoy the week and try to find some time for you! Hugs to everyone.
Sharyn, I mainly grow tomatoes, peppers, and squash. My daughter and her husband planted beans and cukes last summer. I made salsa and my sil made pickles! I also do jam every year. The kids planted 2 red raspberry plants 3 years ago, in front of the pool deck and this past season I was able to make 3 batches of jam. We also have a huge concord grape vine along our neighbors fence. Si I make grape jelly every fall. Makes for great gift giving! We have a very small yard, and not much garden room. But last year I told my sil to stop trying to grow grass on the bare spot in the middle of the yard, and just plant a garden there. So he dug it all up and added soil and edged it with boards. Now we have an area against our fence and one in the middle of the yard. It's just enough area for what we like to grow. I have turned my daughter's old room into my craft/TV room. It is very small and I have had to rearrange it many times! I have a computer armoire that I keep my laptop in so that I can watch Mom on camera when she is in bed or I have to be in my apartment for something. Mom is in the apartment on the opposite side of the house from us and I have a doorway from my craft room closet into her side of the house. She is no longer capable of doing anything for herself, but has this great high tech wheelchair that has a huge padded tray. She is perfectly safe in it when I have to leave her alone in the room for a short time. It can't tip over and she can't work the safety seat belts or remove the tray. Before we had that chair, you couldn't turn your back on her or she would have it tipped over! It's really a life saver for me! I've done every craft there is, and taught folk painting classes in my home while my daughter was in school. I still paint around the holidays, but it's too much stuff to leave out where I can work on it anytime. So I have been knitting a lot for the past 5 years. The class I took Saturday at the yarn store was for needle felting. I knit handbags and hand felt them. I wanted to learn needle felting so I can embellish them with designs. I also want to do miniature animals with the same method. Always trying something new! Mom is a bit off with the time change. She will probably be out of it when I get her from daycare, but then she perks up when we get in the door! It's warm here again today, but raining. So I had to get the hose out of the cellar and hook it up to drain the water off the pool cover. Pool is getting really old and I don't want it to collapse from all the extra weight form the last storm and the rain. Got laundry going and need to vacuum real quick before I get Mom. Sharyn, the doctor is probably going to talk to you about your mom having someone with her all the time. The neurologist can do those tests and make an evaluation right away. If she isn't already on memory meds, they will probably suggest them. Tell her they are for something else so that she will take them. They do help my Mom even at this late stage. Okay, got things to do. I'll check in later!
Fighting something here and sleeping whenever mom does! Must have picked it up at the parade-see what I get for going out?! Son and gf went to Lake Placid for a couple days. Rainy here-was warm-got up to 60! But now the temp is dropping rapidly! Bulbs are sprouting-no robins yet! Geese flying north tho! Will check back tomorrow if feeling better. Hello to all and wishing everyone the best! Mame
Hi Crew, Mom is completely in her own little delusional world all the time. She goes through great mood swings from laughing giddily to being very angry and combative and finally to crying. I never know what she will be like from minute to minute. Sis arrived last Thursday instead of this week Thursday as I had expected. She and my brother have stayed with mom in the afternoon to allow me to work more hours. Sis has been pleasant so far. She got to meet the social worker from hospice today. Tomorrow she will meet the nurse so she can ask some questions. I've been stress eating since last Wednesday once I knew she was coming to visit. I've been so nervous expecting her to lash out at me that I have eaten on 10 pounds. Just been nibbling non-stop on junk which is not my norm. Deef & Sharyn I plan to start a garden again this year. Last year we had a great crop of green beans and bell peppers. I saved some seeds from a butternut squash that I will plant and see what happens. Since my soil is so sandy I think I will try grow some onions too. I only have success with the grape tomatoes. The larger varieties just don't seem to do well here. I definitely plan to plant some basil so I can use it fresh when cooking and then to dry at the end of the season. Once the real hot summer (100 degress plus) arrives it will burn up everything outside. Last fall we tried growing collards, lettuce and brussel sprouts. Unfortunately the rabbits thought they were planted for them. I can't believe it is 9:23 already. I'm still trying to get used to the time change. I love daylight saving time but it always takes adjusting to the time change whether we Spring forward or Fall back.
Deef if I lived near you I would be in serious trouble.....lol. I would love to have you teach me folk painting. Right now I am sticking to something easy such as my charity pillowcases.
Mom is stirring so let me see what is going on. Have a good night all!
I don't think there is anything funny about the comments listed here. It's almost as if you people think it's a joke or something. Yes, it's awful the way aging takes it toll on the elderly....it's terrible. We'll all be there one day too. So be careful what you make fun of....
Hey everybody, sorry I haven't been posting lately. I haven't caught up on posts yet either. I have been trying to figure out what is going on with me. And I think I know what it is. I think my thyroid levels are too low plus I think I have a hormonal imbalance. I have been trying to find a type of medicine to take that won't cause my hair to fall out and give me cancer. I am already depressed who needs those two things to add to the list of things to be depressed about. My dr told me months ago that I should take dhea but I saw the side effects after leaving her office and said who needs that. So I have found something called macafem, I just found it tonight. It is suppose to be natural and from the radish family. Have any of you taken any hormonal replacement therapy drugs, if so I would like to hear your story about them. I am just trying to find the safest route to go on this. Do any of you know any thing about macafem used for hormonal imbalance? Love and hugs to all stormy.
We saw are first robins today but there is snow in the forcast. It was snowing the last I checked but got the bird feeders loaded so at least they can eat. This is Michigan so hang around for five minutes and the weather will change. lovCuz
Dad is doing ok. I have been looking over his medical reports from when he was in the hospital. And one of them says that he has a 1.1 cm nodule in the lung that has grown. On the last scan back in may of 2011 it showed it was 7mm. So that's 4 mm's that it has grown since then. They want to do another scan or chest xray in 3 months. Now this is what the report says. The dr hasn't said anythng to us about any nodules. I also saw something about dads adrenal gland or one of them that has some calcification and remote hemorrhage. Still not sure what is going on with that. And then there is the place on the colon that I am not sure that they were able to get all of the polyp that was flat. As the flat polyps are harder to get or at least get it all. But about a week ago he was coughing up blood. It only lasted about 3 days and was a off and on thing like all the other times and stopped on its on. I haven't told sis about the lung nodule cause I know she will just worry. And she doesn't need that. Plus they aren't going to do anything anyway until they see if it grows anymore. I have just read that lung nodules from infections don't usually grow that much so it leaves me to wonder if it is the start of lung cancer. But dads tsh levels were all in the normal range. So if this is lung cancer starting then it must be not coming from the thyroid. I don't know. I have been trying to figure out what is going on with him and me. So that's whats been going on. I hope all of you are doing alright. I am sorry for not being on here more often I will try to do better. Its just been hard dealing with all of these symptoms and wondering what is going on with me. The frequent colds I have been getting is coming from the low immune system from the hormonal imbalance. That is one of the many symptoms I have been having. I will try to check in tomorrow with ya'll. Nite nite. Love to all of u. Stormy
Diane, you must be waiting for the other shoe to drop!!! It's good that your sibs are staying with Mom in the afternoons so you can stay at work. No need for you to be there waiting ti get ambushed! Besides, they can now see what Mom has been doing to you since forever! And I would love to teach you to paint someday!!! Stormy, I took a hormone replacement med about a month after I started on RLS medication. I don't know if it was one or the other or the combination of the two, but I ended up getting an ambulance ride to the ER at midnight one night. My husband came to bed and found me laying across it instead of in the normal position.I was very groggy and and couldn't get up on my own. They were thinking it was a stroke, but I kept saying "it's the pills!" I guess that's all it was because I was fine the next day! I do not take any hormone replacement because of that, but went through my change in my late 50's, so... Roscoe, sorry to hear we offend you with our comments. Many of us have been at this for a very long time and have very difficult family members to care for. Some of us have not been able to work for years and are about to lose everything. Most of us should be enjoying our golden years and can't for now. We are over tired and over stressed and get little or no help from family members. Yes we talk about some pretty gross things and yes we get pretty graphic at times and yes we laugh about it too! It's what helps us continue down this path and keep some of our own sanity at the same time. It's okay if you don't like what you have read here. But there are lots of other threads on this site that may suit your needs, so take advantage and jump in where you feel comfortable!
Stormy~I have not taken any of the over the counter hrt's. I am currently taking prempro which I started in 2007 for the usual hot flashes and extreme night sweats plus heart palpitations. I go in next month for the annual exam and my dr. will reduce the dosage since it has been two years without a cycle. I have had no problems taking it.
dtflex~I worked for a well known ketchup company for many years in the Agricultural Research Dept. We made hybrid tomatoes for seed. This is not genetic manipulation. We hand pollinated plants that were designated as female plants and collected pollen from plants designated as the males. After about 7-8 years of reach, if the plants passed all the requirements, the seeds were made available to growers that had a contract with this company. I loved it, but unfortunately, they closed both tomato progressing plants in our area.
Roscoe~I may be speaking out of turn here as a newcomer to this thread, however, I am going to add to what Deef said. Do I find it funny when my mother (who has dementia) calls me and the answering machine picks up and she thinks it is a real person talking live.? Yes I do!! The reason I find it funny is because I prefer to find the humor in this disease instead of taking it all so seriously and having my stress level so high that I can't help her. I can't control the disease, I can't stop it from progressing. Am I making fun of her...no!! I am relieving my stress because otherwise, I would be so filled with anxiety, and pain as she fades away. I still feel the pain, don't get me wrong. I cry almost daily at her struggle to hold it together. So when she does something or says something that is so far out there, I laugh. Mom will laugh with me too. Then it becomes a shared moment that I will always remember as being a pleasant experience with her instead of remembering her accusing me of stealing her possessions or her money.
Roscoe- It's either laugh or cry. Sharyn- I was just talking to the lady at the store and she says she takes that kind too. And she says that she hasn't had any problems from it either. She says that she doesn't have any ovaries and that thyroid disease runs in her family too, but she doesn't have any thyroid problems. Thank you for your input Deef- My Lord, I know that scared your hubby. I was reading last night where some of these hrt drugs can have side effects of alzheimer's disease and once you start having them, well they are irreversible! I said no way I don't need that. So this morning I went to dollar general and bought some vitamin d3, vitamin e, omega-3, and garlic pills and I have a vitamin b complex here at home already. So I guess I am going to start taking these and see if I have any luck. I also was reading about a pill called macafem. They talk like it is natural from radishes. And that people saw results in the first week. Still thinking about that. The lady at the store told me that I need to ask for a hormonal testing at my doctors office. So I might call them and ask about that. But if she is going to want to start me on that hrt. Well then I feel like I would be wasting my time. I would be scared to death to take it. Deef- thanks for sharing your experience with me. I welcome anymore that any of you have. Love and hugs stormy.
Roscoe - I've said it before and I will say it again - If you don't like what is posted here, go to another blog. There are plenty to choose from on AC. Each person handles stress differently and on this site sometimes we handle it by trying to find the humor in anything we can. Personally, I never posted anything here to "make fun" of my dad but, for Pete's sake, while having to do things I never imagined I would be doing, seeing parts of my dad I never imagined I'd be seeing, I think I would have gone totally crazy or committed suicide if I didn't try to laugh now and then. The people on this site are amazing caregivers, totally dedicated to their care receivers. So please don't rain on our parade and we won't rain on yours. Kuli
Help! I am hiding in my room. My Mom is here for the week and I am losing my mind! No, I am kidding. Well, sorta. My Mom is here for the week and I AM losing my mind but I can do this - ---- right?
I don't have time to read all the posts but blessings to all. BJ- sorry your Mom is being so difficult. My Mom is very needy and loves to ring her bell for any little thing but she is not rude. But my Grandma, who passed in 2000, had Alzheimer's and she could be very very rude. (sorry, Busha, love you, but you were rude at times).
I will read the rest of the posts later, ---I hope. I should have a few seconds *sigh
Y'all, I got ticked off when I read Roscoe's comment but I went to his prfile to learn more about him. He had posted on another thread saying how overwhelmed he was and that he had no life. I posted on his wall and gave him more info about our group. I have encouraged him the visit again because I think we would be great support to him. Like so many of us he has no life, sibling problems and overall sadness dealing with his mothers decline. I think we can all relate to those problems. Sorry I'm such a sucker, but once I read his other post I felt compelled to invite him back. Stormy, I took birth control pills for years due to hormonal imbalance and didn't have any problems. My gyno said the "biomedical" hormone replacement has the same risks as any HRT. I ended up having a hysterectomy about 4 years ago.
Mishka, I feel for you. My brother sat with mom this morning so I could go to a meeting. While he was here mom was having one of her whining spells. She had him jumping up and down every second. My boyfriend found it all too amusing since he was getting a taste of my life. Mame, I hope you kick that cold soon. Cuz, I have experienced that 5 minute weather change in Michigan. Went into a pizza parlor to have lunch and I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt (much younger then). By the time I came back out it was in the 30's and windy. Deef I can't wait for those lessons! Where is our Captain? Is she still under the weather? I haven't see Yogi for a while either. Jen, did you post a picture on FB of your hair or lack of it? Rip, you have been on my mind a lot lately. What's up with you? Shirley, it sounds like you are really progressing with the house. Is Indio on the mend yet? BJ, your mom sounds like a handful. It may sound mean but at least mom can't move around without help. Once I get her in the recliner or she is in bed I know she can't get into too much mischief.
I brought home a bunch of work to get done so I had better jump to it. Have a good day all!
I'm thanking God for all that is shared. Although my Mom is not currently doing some of the things that I'm sure will come, your comments are preparing me before we move into this next chapter of this horable mentally debilitating disease.
My prayers are continuously with those who like myself,"care".
Good Afternoon to the East and Good Morning to the West.
Dear Crew, Well stated and thanks for speaking up again on the freedom of feelings issue which is core to this particular thread.
Roscoe! Read your profile and it looks like you are at the end of your rope as well. It's overwhelming to say the least, as well as scary and so sad to see your parent or parents decline. Awful and heartbreaking. Do find a spot you like and write it out because the very act of venting can and will save your life. You can write here or on many of the threads because everyone here knows how freaking impossible this all is and some of our regular crew started out by not really understanding what it is we do here. Once they got it, they vented and lived.
Welcome to the Home of Vent and Live.
Knot! Welcome to the thread and keep writing. These folks saved my bacon as I took the caring journey.
Mish! Remember to breathe! Seriously, don't forget to breathe. It really does feel like you're losing your mind to deal with what you are going through. Just know that's the stress talking and don't be shy about stepping out and taking mini breaks from the crazy even if they are only 2 minutes.
We used to say: thinoftheboathtinkoftheboat because that is what I would do when I thought I was going to stand in traffic to get away from the crazy.
You can do this and know that you can get on here and say any damn thing to keep yourself on as even a keel as you can.
ok, I have been keeping up with the posts and doing the best I can to remember what's up in everyone's life. I think of you guys many, many times a day and am rooting for everyone.
I am still so sore from jamming up my left side and it still hurts to walk but I am keeping up with my errands and boat work. I fixed a couple of leaks on the foredeck and am now in the process of getting more materials onboard so I will have what the boat needs for the next phase. Other than that, I go as long and as hard as I can throughout the day and then come in and use up all 10 gallons of hot water on my poor body and then cook and then fall down and watch some Grey's Anatomy on Hulu. Just a few more seasons. Shonda Rhimes (exec prod) is an amazing writer.
Deef!! Kuli, Stormy, Shayrnmarie, Flex!!, Linda!, Rip!!, Cat! I love Maui!, BJ! Keep writing!, Cuz!, Mame!, Jen!!I still have to read more! You are a wonderful writer and I am in such pain it hurts to sit at computer so that's why no current feedback and it takes me so long to post. LilDeb! so glad that surgery is behind you! Meanwhile! love hearing about the renovation and all things Meanwhile.
Yogi, Bookworm, Austin, SS, here's one to Ted, though I know he doesn't check in anymore, and I know that I have missed so many. I hope you will check in and chew me out.
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know, lovbob
i HAVE THE HOUSE TO MY SELF FOR TWO HOURS...I HAVE OPENED ALL THE WINDOWS ALL THE WINDOWS UP AND DOWNSTAIRS!!! IT IS SUNNY AND COOL BRIGHT AND A SLIGHT BREEZE IS BLOWING THE AWFUL FUG OFF OLD MAN PISS AND FECES AWAY!!! THAT'S ALL IT TAKES FOR A GOOD DAY FOR ME...THAT AND NO LEERING "GOOD MORNING JENNY...."WHILE HE IGNORES MY MOTHER, AS SHE DOES HIS MORNING ROUTINE FOR HIM, WHO DOES GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIM. It's all laughs here....
Hi bobbie, no rush I have no hope any way...you know how people get normal jobs to fall back on? I have kept it in a place in my heart, that I could fall back on play writing somehow and not leech off my mom or go on disability...Pathetic...I have a better chance of winning the lottery don't I?
I gotta go clean some stuff here.... Love to all, and Hope where ever you find it....Jen
Roscoe you have to understand some of us here have to let it out. Its validates what we are dealing with. We can cry..scream...and get mad. But at the end of the day we are still care givers. The parents, grandparents, husbands and wives...the ones we give the care to are losing their abilities, minds and memories. If a person holds all of it inside...it will literally make you crazy. So many of these caring souls are at the ends of their ropes. Looking for advice, consolation, and common ground. They want to feel they are not alone. There is someone else out there who have experienced this destructive disease. We have the utmost respect for each other. We love and we care. So you are welcome to stay and vent, cry or not...but please understand it's the therapy we caregivers need to stay sane. God Bless you and what you are going through...((hugs))
Roscoe, EVERYONE has stated very well that this thread is to VENT and get out the frustrations, anxieties and at times resentments. But they ARE truly caring "caregivers." If you give them a chance, you will gain a lot of insight to what others are dealing with on a day to day basis. People, indeed, need validation to what they have and are going though. And at times, it is cry or laugh. But as stated, too, there are a lot of other interesting threads that maybe of more interest to you. I GUARANTEE you will learn something of value on every thread posted, including this one. Blessings to EVERYONE!
Just finished ready comments. Let me just say nice posts everyone! This is what we are all about and why we are all here! Jen, how did shopping day go? Doesn't it fell goo when you can open windows and air things out? My sister stopped today to show me her pictures from her Jamaica vacation. Nothing like rubbing salt into the wounds! Stayed in a house on the beach, with a pool and someone to come in and cook all their meals! Must be nice! I spent a couple hours rolling loose change and lugging empties to the store to get enough cash to pay for food this afternoon. My sibs have no concept of what e years of caring for Mom has done to me Physically, mentally, and financially. All 6 of them will be retiring early with plenty of $$ to go on trips etc. I don't begrudge them for any of that as they have all worked hard for it, but geez, you think they would offer to pay for Mom's diapers or maybe her food, or maybe just visit once a month or offer to watch her so I can get away. Like I could afford that!!! Feeling a bit sorry for myself, didn't mean to whine, as I know you are all in the same position! Stormy, natural seems to be the way to go. Not so many nasty side affects. I'm contemplating a hysterectomy due to years of problems. Just kept putting it off, hoping that things would straighten out on their own. BJ, hope your mom is behaving better! Sharyn, good luck with that neuro visit on Friday. Mame, You feeling any better yet? Kuli, How's Sophie doing? Mishka!!! So sorry your Mom's visit is giving you anxiety! Hope it goes by fast! Diane, so glad to hear your sibs are seeing "your" side of mom. I have to agree it is much easier when they can't get around on their own anymore. Knot, Welcome aboard! Here you will read some pretty scary stories, some sad and some really funny. It's all about sharing and educating and giving support care givers like us. For whatever reason, be it dementia/Alzheimer's or physical ills, you will find years of experience and wisdom and yes, grossness and wit and friendships that will go beyond care giving! Msdaizy, Thanks for your great post! I've read your comments on other topics and you have much to share. I was sorry to read that you recently lost your mom. It's nice to see you are still here and care enough to keep helping us, because we sure need it! Thank you, Yogi! Hope you and mom are doing well. Had a rough morning with Mom here. Couldn't get her to open her mouth for her meds, dentures, or breakfast! It took all my patience and then some to get her to cooperate. I finally gave up after it took a half hour to get her to eat 2/3 of her breakfast. She was too distracted. She spent the entire time trying to pull her tray off the wheelchair, rocking it, banging it, pulling up on it, then rubbing and rubbing and rubbing it until I walked away so I wouldn't have to hear that noise anymore! I finally sat her in front of the TV and stripped her bed and did a quick cleaning before Erin showed up. I left her to feed Mom lunch while I got other chores done. My FIL is coming home from rehab tomorrow. He has been there for 2 weeks and anxious to get home. At least my husband won't be burning gas to drive to the rehab every day! I have a feeling his dad will be more needy now and he and his sister will have to spend more time with him, maybe even sleep there at night. I'm all for that! It's been nice having my husband gone for a couple hours every day. I rarely get time to myself! Time to clean up the kitchen and feed the cats!
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Meanwhile, glad the aliens took your old mom to the mother ship.
Hugs, Cat
NEW Wine for Seniors
I kid you not...
California vintners in the
Napa Valley area,
which primarily produce
Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot
Grigio wines,
have developed a new hybrid grape
that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips
older people have to make to the
bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be
marketed as
PINO MORE
I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!!
I just could not help it!
Forward this to all your "senior" friends
I just did.
Sorry, somebody thought I deserved this so I'm spreading the love!
Spring is here in SW Texas. The buzzards are back.
Went to my class Saturday, even though I had only 4 hours sleep!! Damn cat decided to scratch and meow at the back door all night!!! Plus I was sore and over tired from all the snow removal. I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to do the class because my hands and arms were killing me. But I took aspirin on the drive to Northampton and felt better by the time I got there.
The class was very informative and the young woman who taught it was very helpful. I completed 2 projects and started a third before class was over. It was good to get away for the day, but as usual, it's more work than just staying home! I was very tired by 5 and picked up a pizza on my way home for supper. No way was I cooking!
Mom at least behaved for Merry all day! Of course, wouldn't you know 2 of my brothers showed up while I was gone! The baby of all of us came in the morning and stayed for a few hours and fed Mom pizza for lunch. The oldest of my brothers showed up later and stayed for an hour. Mom didn't know either one of them, but that could be due to how little she sees them! Whatever, she asked me the other day, "where's Kathy? She hasn't been around lately!" I just looked at her and said I had seen her lately either!
BJ, so sorry you have to put up with your Mom's crap!!! I would rather have my Mom forget who I am, than have her do things like that to me! You are so right to ignore her and let her sulk! You have her in your home and keep an eye on her, and to have to put up with her nastiness is too much! Time to stop catering to her and do something for yourself without feeling guilty.
Shirley, Yuck! Doggie diarrhea! With a big dog like that, it must have been pretty awful. Sounds like you are getting things done in the house. I love to paint, artwork, but I hate to paint walls, window frames, etc. I would love to be able to plant a garden right now! Here we have to wait until after Memorial Day or suffer the possibility of a late frost. Sure makes the growing season a short one! It was bad last summer due to "stink" bugs. They got into the roots of all my squash plants and then the tomatoes. Mexican bean bugs got the bean plants. They only plants that did really well were the bell peppers and the cherry tomatoes. Got to treat the entire yard this spring with bug killer. Also had grubs in the lawn that attracted moles that tore up the yard everywhere. It wasn't a good summer for gardens or lawns here.
Cinderbarb, Pizza in with the cookies? That's a new one even for my Mom! Keep us posted on your Mom's antics.
Cat, Hope you are enjoying your vacation!
Lildeb, Are you getting some rest? I hope so. You sounded awful last week and in need of some much deserved time off.
Jen, how's the hair doing? Must be beyond "peach fuzz" by now! Glad you liked my pictures of my class projects!
Mame, so glad you were able to have another good weekend! get them while you can!
Kuli, how's Sophie doing?
Linda, hope you are nor getting any more bad news!
Yogi How are you doing?
Stormy, any news on your Dad yet? Any more anxiety for you?
Sharyn, Have you been in contact with your Mom's doctor yet? Sorry the MRI didn't give you the answers you needed. This whole dementia thing is a process and it isn't easy! Just do the best you can to keep your mom safe and happy. And don't be too hard on yourself. Just do the best you can for as long as you can.
Bobbie!!!! Where's the captain of this here tug??? Hope you have recuperated from your fall. My shoulder is still giving me trouble, but I'm hoping it will get better. I started keeping track of what I eat today and am going to exercise every day. I need to shed all these extra pounds before summer. I refuse to buy anymore clothes until I can fit into the old ones from 2 years ago.
Need to feed the 5 kitties, then get to bed! Have to get Mom up for daycare again tomorrow. We sat on the front porch for an hour after daycare this afternoon. With the time change and warmer temps, it was really nice! been in the 50's here during the day, ever since the snow storm on Friday. Go figure, New England weather!
hair is getting to shaggy stage, looked better shaved!
The neurologist called my sis today. She called back and he wants us to come in to go over everything. The receptionist was going to schedule the appt. for late April but sis told her that mom's safety is a big issue and her not eating regularly so she scheduled it for this Friday at 7:45am. Thank goodness I am off that day, it is a 30 min. drive (not a big deal) but I am not an early morning person and sis is 45 min. from us so it will be an early start for both of us. If the neurologist has nothing conclusive to offer us, I am going to ask for an evaluation by a neruo-psychologist who can test her memory and cognitive abilities. I don't think it will go that far but who knows for sure.
Back to gardening, our growing season here starts in February. Not trying to rub it in to those of you who on the East Coast or Mid West. What we need here in NorCal is rain but alas, it has been another winter of drought conditions and little snow pack in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. The snow pack is so vital for crops here plus we send water to SoCal for drinking water,etc. Stay warm everyone, enjoy the week and try to find some time for you! Hugs to everyone.
Same old here, but think we have seen last of our snow.
Hope all are holding on where ever they are...
We have a very small yard, and not much garden room. But last year I told my sil to stop trying to grow grass on the bare spot in the middle of the yard, and just plant a garden there. So he dug it all up and added soil and edged it with boards. Now we have an area against our fence and one in the middle of the yard. It's just enough area for what we like to grow.
I have turned my daughter's old room into my craft/TV room. It is very small and I have had to rearrange it many times! I have a computer armoire that I keep my laptop in so that I can watch Mom on camera when she is in bed or I have to be in my apartment for something. Mom is in the apartment on the opposite side of the house from us and I have a doorway from my craft room closet into her side of the house. She is no longer capable of doing anything for herself, but has this great high tech wheelchair that has a huge padded tray. She is perfectly safe in it when I have to leave her alone in the room for a short time. It can't tip over and she can't work the safety seat belts or remove the tray. Before we had that chair, you couldn't turn your back on her or she would have it tipped over! It's really a life saver for me!
I've done every craft there is, and taught folk painting classes in my home while my daughter was in school. I still paint around the holidays, but it's too much stuff to leave out where I can work on it anytime. So I have been knitting a lot for the past 5 years. The class I took Saturday at the yarn store was for needle felting. I knit handbags and hand felt them. I wanted to learn needle felting so I can embellish them with designs. I also want to do miniature animals with the same method. Always trying something new!
Mom is a bit off with the time change. She will probably be out of it when I get her from daycare, but then she perks up when we get in the door! It's warm here again today, but raining. So I had to get the hose out of the cellar and hook it up to drain the water off the pool cover. Pool is getting really old and I don't want it to collapse from all the extra weight form the last storm and the rain.
Got laundry going and need to vacuum real quick before I get Mom.
Sharyn, the doctor is probably going to talk to you about your mom having someone with her all the time. The neurologist can do those tests and make an evaluation right away. If she isn't already on memory meds, they will probably suggest them. Tell her they are for something else so that she will take them. They do help my Mom even at this late stage.
Okay, got things to do. I'll check in later!
Mom is completely in her own little delusional world all the time. She goes through great mood swings from laughing giddily to being very angry and combative and finally to crying. I never know what she will be like from minute to minute.
Sis arrived last Thursday instead of this week Thursday as I had expected. She and my brother have stayed with mom in the afternoon to allow me to work more hours. Sis has been pleasant so far. She got to meet the social worker from hospice today. Tomorrow she will meet the nurse so she can ask some questions. I've been stress eating since last Wednesday once I knew she was coming to visit. I've been so nervous expecting her to lash out at me that I have eaten on 10 pounds. Just been nibbling non-stop on junk which is not my norm.
Deef & Sharyn I plan to start a garden again this year. Last year we had a great crop of green beans and bell peppers. I saved some seeds from a butternut squash that I will plant and see what happens. Since my soil is so sandy I think I will try grow some onions too. I only have success with the grape tomatoes. The larger varieties just don't seem to do well here. I definitely plan to plant some basil so I can use it fresh when cooking and then to dry at the end of the season. Once the real hot summer (100 degress plus) arrives it will burn up everything outside. Last fall we tried growing collards, lettuce and brussel sprouts. Unfortunately the rabbits thought they were planted for them.
I can't believe it is 9:23 already. I'm still trying to get used to the time change. I love daylight saving time but it always takes adjusting to the time change whether we Spring forward or Fall back.
Deef if I lived near you I would be in serious trouble.....lol. I would love to have you teach me folk painting. Right now I am sticking to something easy such as my charity pillowcases.
Mom is stirring so let me see what is going on. Have a good night all!
It was snowing the last I checked but got the bird feeders loaded
so at least they can eat. This is Michigan so hang around for five minutes and the weather will change.
lovCuz
Stormy, I took a hormone replacement med about a month after I started on RLS medication. I don't know if it was one or the other or the combination of the two, but I ended up getting an ambulance ride to the ER at midnight one night. My husband came to bed and found me laying across it instead of in the normal position.I was very groggy and and couldn't get up on my own. They were thinking it was a stroke, but I kept saying "it's the pills!" I guess that's all it was because I was fine the next day! I do not take any hormone replacement because of that, but went through my change in my late 50's, so...
Roscoe, sorry to hear we offend you with our comments. Many of us have been at this for a very long time and have very difficult family members to care for. Some of us have not been able to work for years and are about to lose everything. Most of us should be enjoying our golden years and can't for now. We are over tired and over stressed and get little or no help from family members. Yes we talk about some pretty gross things and yes we get pretty graphic at times and yes we laugh about it too! It's what helps us continue down this path and keep some of our own sanity at the same time.
It's okay if you don't like what you have read here. But there are lots of other threads on this site that may suit your needs, so take advantage and jump in where you feel comfortable!
dtflex~I worked for a well known ketchup company for many years in the Agricultural Research Dept. We made hybrid tomatoes for seed. This is not genetic manipulation. We hand pollinated plants that were designated as female plants and collected pollen from plants designated as the males. After about 7-8 years of reach, if the plants passed all the requirements, the seeds were made available to growers that had a contract with this company. I loved it, but unfortunately, they closed both tomato progressing plants in our area.
Roscoe~I may be speaking out of turn here as a newcomer to this thread, however, I am going to add to what Deef said. Do I find it funny when my mother (who has dementia) calls me and the answering machine picks up and she thinks it is a real person talking live.? Yes I do!! The reason I find it funny is because I prefer to find the humor in this disease instead of taking it all so seriously and having my stress level so high that I can't help her. I can't control the disease, I can't stop it from progressing. Am I making fun of her...no!! I am relieving my stress because otherwise, I would be so filled with anxiety, and pain as she fades away. I still feel the pain, don't get me wrong. I cry almost daily at her struggle to hold it together. So when she does something or says something that is so far out there, I laugh. Mom will laugh with me too. Then it becomes a shared moment that I will always remember as being a pleasant experience with her instead of remembering her accusing me of stealing her possessions or her money.
Sharyn- I was just talking to the lady at the store and she says she takes that kind too. And she says that she hasn't had any problems from it either. She says that she doesn't have any ovaries and that thyroid disease runs in her family too, but she doesn't have any thyroid problems. Thank you for your input
Deef- My Lord, I know that scared your hubby. I was reading last night where some of these hrt drugs can have side effects of alzheimer's disease and once you start having them, well they are irreversible! I said no way I don't need that. So this morning I went to dollar general and bought some vitamin d3, vitamin e, omega-3, and garlic pills and I have a vitamin b complex here at home already. So I guess I am going to start taking these and see if I have any luck. I also was reading about a pill called macafem. They talk like it is natural from radishes. And that people saw results in the first week. Still thinking about that. The lady at the store told me that I need to ask for a hormonal testing at my doctors office. So I might call them and ask about that. But if she is going to want to start me on that hrt. Well then I feel like I would be wasting my time. I would be scared to death to take it. Deef- thanks for sharing your experience with me. I welcome anymore that any of you have. Love and hugs stormy.
I don't have time to read all the posts but blessings to all. BJ- sorry your Mom is being so difficult. My Mom is very needy and loves to ring her bell for any little thing but she is not rude. But my Grandma, who passed in 2000, had Alzheimer's and she could be very very rude. (sorry, Busha, love you, but you were rude at times).
I will read the rest of the posts later, ---I hope. I should have a few seconds *sigh
Stormy, I took birth control pills for years due to hormonal imbalance and didn't have any problems. My gyno said the "biomedical" hormone replacement has the same risks as any HRT. I ended up having a hysterectomy about 4 years ago.
Mishka, I feel for you. My brother sat with mom this morning so I could go to a meeting. While he was here mom was having one of her whining spells. She had him jumping up and down every second. My boyfriend found it all too amusing since he was getting a taste of my life.
Mame, I hope you kick that cold soon. Cuz, I have experienced that 5 minute weather change in Michigan. Went into a pizza parlor to have lunch and I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt (much younger then). By the time I came back out it was in the 30's and windy.
Deef I can't wait for those lessons! Where is our Captain? Is she still under the weather? I haven't see Yogi for a while either. Jen, did you post a picture on FB of your hair or lack of it? Rip, you have been on my mind a lot lately. What's up with you? Shirley, it sounds like you are really progressing with the house. Is Indio on the mend yet? BJ, your mom sounds like a handful. It may sound mean but at least mom can't move around without help. Once I get her in the recliner or she is in bed I know she can't get into too much mischief.
I brought home a bunch of work to get done so I had better jump to it. Have a good day all!
Love ya,
Diane
My prayers are continuously with those who like myself,"care".
Dear Crew,
Well stated and thanks for speaking up again on the freedom of feelings issue which is core to this particular thread.
Roscoe! Read your profile and it looks like you are at the end of your rope as well. It's overwhelming to say the least, as well as scary and so sad to see your parent or parents decline. Awful and heartbreaking. Do find a spot you like and write it out because the very act of venting can and will save your life.
You can write here or on many of the threads because everyone here knows how freaking impossible this all is and some of our regular crew started out by not really understanding what it is we do here. Once they got it, they vented and lived.
Welcome to the Home of Vent and Live.
Knot! Welcome to the thread and keep writing. These folks saved my bacon as I took the caring journey.
Mish! Remember to breathe! Seriously, don't forget to breathe.
It really does feel like you're losing your mind to deal with what you are going through. Just know that's the stress talking and don't be shy about stepping out and taking mini breaks from the crazy even if they are only 2 minutes.
We used to say: thinoftheboathtinkoftheboat because that is what I would do when I thought I was going to stand in traffic to get away from the crazy.
You can do this and know that you can get on here and say any damn thing to keep yourself on as even a keel as you can.
ok,
I have been keeping up with the posts and doing the best I can to remember what's up in everyone's life. I think of you guys many, many times a day and am rooting for everyone.
I am still so sore from jamming up my left side and it still hurts to walk but I am keeping up with my errands and boat work.
I fixed a couple of leaks on the foredeck and am now in the process of getting more materials onboard so I will have what the boat needs for the next phase.
Other than that, I go as long and as hard as I can throughout the day and then come in and use up all 10 gallons of hot water on my poor body and then cook and then fall down and watch some Grey's Anatomy on Hulu. Just a few more seasons. Shonda Rhimes (exec prod) is an amazing writer.
Deef!! Kuli, Stormy, Shayrnmarie, Flex!!, Linda!, Rip!!, Cat! I love Maui!, BJ! Keep writing!, Cuz!, Mame!, Jen!!I still have to read more! You are a wonderful writer and I am in such pain it hurts to sit at computer so that's why no current feedback and it takes me so long to post.
LilDeb! so glad that surgery is behind you!
Meanwhile! love hearing about the renovation and all things Meanwhile.
Yogi, Bookworm, Austin, SS, here's one to Ted, though I know he doesn't check in anymore, and I know that I have missed so many.
I hope you will check in and chew me out.
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know,
lovbob
hahahaha
It's all laughs here....
Hi bobbie, no rush I have no hope any way...you know how people get normal jobs to fall back on? I have kept it in a place in my heart, that I could fall back on play writing somehow and not leech off my mom or go on disability...Pathetic...I have a better chance of winning the lottery don't I?
I gotta go clean some stuff here....
Love to all, and Hope where ever you find it....Jen
Jen, how did shopping day go? Doesn't it fell goo when you can open windows and air things out? My sister stopped today to show me her pictures from her Jamaica vacation. Nothing like rubbing salt into the wounds! Stayed in a house on the beach, with a pool and someone to come in and cook all their meals! Must be nice!
I spent a couple hours rolling loose change and lugging empties to the store to get enough cash to pay for food this afternoon. My sibs have no concept of what e years of caring for Mom has done to me Physically, mentally, and financially. All 6 of them will be retiring early with plenty of $$ to go on trips etc. I don't begrudge them for any of that as they have all worked hard for it, but geez, you think they would offer to pay for Mom's diapers or maybe her food, or maybe just visit once a month or offer to watch her so I can get away. Like I could afford that!!!
Feeling a bit sorry for myself, didn't mean to whine, as I know you are all in the same position!
Stormy, natural seems to be the way to go. Not so many nasty side affects. I'm contemplating a hysterectomy due to years of problems. Just kept putting it off, hoping that things would straighten out on their own.
BJ, hope your mom is behaving better!
Sharyn, good luck with that neuro visit on Friday.
Mame, You feeling any better yet?
Kuli, How's Sophie doing?
Mishka!!! So sorry your Mom's visit is giving you anxiety! Hope it goes by fast!
Diane, so glad to hear your sibs are seeing "your" side of mom. I have to agree it is much easier when they can't get around on their own anymore.
Knot, Welcome aboard! Here you will read some pretty scary stories, some sad and some really funny. It's all about sharing and educating and giving support care givers like us. For whatever reason, be it dementia/Alzheimer's or physical ills, you will find years of experience and wisdom and yes, grossness and wit and friendships that will go beyond care giving!
Msdaizy, Thanks for your great post! I've read your comments on other topics and you have much to share. I was sorry to read that you recently lost your mom. It's nice to see you are still here and care enough to keep helping us, because we sure need it!
Thank you, Yogi! Hope you and mom are doing well.
Had a rough morning with Mom here. Couldn't get her to open her mouth for her meds, dentures, or breakfast! It took all my patience and then some to get her to cooperate. I finally gave up after it took a half hour to get her to eat 2/3 of her breakfast. She was too distracted. She spent the entire time trying to pull her tray off the wheelchair, rocking it, banging it, pulling up on it, then rubbing and rubbing and rubbing it until I walked away so I wouldn't have to hear that noise anymore! I finally sat her in front of the TV and stripped her bed and did a quick cleaning before Erin showed up. I left her to feed Mom lunch while I got other chores done.
My FIL is coming home from rehab tomorrow. He has been there for 2 weeks and anxious to get home. At least my husband won't be burning gas to drive to the rehab every day! I have a feeling his dad will be more needy now and he and his sister will have to spend more time with him, maybe even sleep there at night.
I'm all for that! It's been nice having my husband gone for a couple hours every day. I rarely get time to myself!
Time to clean up the kitchen and feed the cats!