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No corned beef in the stores here. St Patrick's day is sort of a non holiday here. But, the left over venison made some great stew. The days are getting long enough, I have time to saddle up a horse and go for a short ride after work. Great stress reducer. Went to the cemetery on Sunday, watered the tree, and visited with Sam. Hope everyone has a good week. Love Shirley
Linda, bone-spurs sounds very painful n I am so glad that your hubby surgery went well. As for taking care of the mil do what is best for you n your family for you already walked that road once. We all know it is not easy to be a care giver. I wish your bil the best n hopefully, he will be able to make the best choice for what would be best for her n himself. Just try to support him what ever he decides. Sharyn, I hope Dell will be able to help you. They were pretty helpful with us a time or two. mame, sound like spring has sprung in your yard too. I hope u don't get too much snow. Weather here is suppose to drop a little too n I was just starting to enjoy the springy weather. I use the blower to blow off the yellow pollen off the porch for hubby gets sinus real bad in spring time. I hope u can get some rest. I hope everyone else is able to get some much needed rest.
Well, the white stuff is falling AGAIN!!! I'm sure there will be no daycare tomorrow, so that means Mom and me all day, AGAIN!!! Oh well, I'll park her chair in the window so she can watch me shovel for a couple hours! Everyone else will be heading to work early, so my husband and I will have to do clean up. At least we won't have to dig all the cars out of the driveways. I parked mine on the back lawn so it would be easier to use snow blower and less shoveling. It's been really cold since last week. Mame, I saw 2 robins in a tree this morning. It was only 22 degrees and they looked like they were sorry they were here! I have 6 sibs too, and stopped asking or expecting help from them 3 years ago. Less stressful for me. I don't even call them when we have an ER visit. If they can't take the time to call or stop by, then I shouldn't be expected to keep them informed. I have enough to keep track of! Plus, whenever I have a conversation with one of them they always say something to make me feel bad or question my decision to care for Mom, so I just don't deal with them anymore. The oldest of my brothers will come right away if I need him, but doesn't visit otherwise. He has told other sibs that they have no say in how I care for Mom, because they don't participate or help physically or $$ wise. My oldest sister is always sending me $$ if I need it. She is in Virginia, so can't be here to help, but spends 2 week every summer helping me with Mom and is the only sib that truly see's what I am dealing with. Then there are the 2 sibs that are pissed because all Mom's $$ is going for her care and the house was signed over to me. Too bad! My dad always wanted me to have the house because I have always lived here, and he wanted it to stay in the family. By the way, the Irish soda bread was delicious! My gf came over after work tonight to have some with tea!. Jen, N.E. boiled dinners have always been a family favorite here! Sharyn, My dad's grandparents on his dad's side were from Ireland. My maiden name is Shea! Linda, hope your husband gets to rest! When I had my shoulder surgery, 4 years ago. my wonderful sibs left me to care for Mom by myself less than a week after the surgery. I had 24 staples in my shoulder for 4 weeks and was supposed to wear the sling for 6 weeks. Yeh, like that was happening! I was picking Mom up off the floor with one arm! LilDeb, How are you feeling? Are you still hurting from your surgery? My shoulder is still bothering me, but exercise is helping it some. I'm hoping we don't get the 8"plus that they are saying for around here! Shirley, I'm exercising hard twice a day and watching what I eat closely. It paid off because I have lost 3 pounds since last Monday! Yay!!!! Feeling sore, but much more comfortable. I want to lose at least 25 lbs by summer, so I have my work cut out for me! Diane, are your sibs still at your house? Sometimes getting their help is more trouble than it is worth! Hope you managed to get your work caught up and some rest too! Miska! How did your week with mom go? BJ, You still hanging in there? Stormy, Hope you are feeling better and you get some answers for your dad. Yogi, Kuli, MsDaizy, how are you all doing? Bobbie, how's that knee doing? Hope you can get around better! Hate getting old! When you hurt something, It takes twice as long for it to get better. A shout out to everyone I missed! Sorry, guess I better exercise my memory too! Got to get the kitties fed and get my butt to bed! Can't wait to see how much snow we have in the morning! Night everyone!
Sounds Iike lots of good eatin' going on!!! YUM. -well, except for the venison-no offense -I have tried it -just not for me. I tend to eat fish or fowl only. Deefer--- I am so impressed by you posters that can remember so much about other posters!!! I wish I could do that but I get started and then draw a blank. I hope you guys don't think I don't care-I do!.
Mom is back with my Dad. Overall things went really well. It was not easy, of course, we had one really rough spot when she got mad because I would not let her sleep with her Requip bottle-and would not let her take another one soon after she had already taken one. On top off of her . She had a bell that she rang when she needed me and she kept ringing it and ringing it when I told her she had to wait for her next pill. I do think she is addicted to the pills-whether physically or just mentally- she is definitely addicted to them. I finally called our 24 hour pharmacist ( this all happened at like 12 AM) and talked with her and she said my Mom could have another pill without fear of overdosing -just that it would make her dizzy. The bottle says one pill a day 1 to 3 hours before bed-she had already taken 2 that day. Anyway-it was a mess for a bit - I really wish I would have been told before hand that the doctor told her she could take up to 3 a day ( something I found out after I called my Dad) . My daughter had some rough times dealing with the change of having my Mom here but she did pretty well. At times I felt like they were both vieing for my attention and mad if I helped one and not the other. I know my daughter felt a little jealous. When I showered my Mom and cleaned up her stray facial hairs my daughter started yelling for me to shave her. ( in case anyone missed it -my daughter,16, has a syndrome and has special needs). And when my daughter would get up for school and need help my Mom wanted to get up at the same time. I told here she had to stay in her room until my daughter left for school ( she leaves at 6:30) unless she had to use the bathroom. It was too chaotic for them both to be waking up and needing help at the same time -and I wake up VERY crabby!!! My husband helped A LOT! But he did get pretty stressed at times. Mostly when my daughter would act out. My daughter needs a set routine and having my Mom here changed that quite a bit so she really had to buck up. And she did. Only there were times where she became overwhelmed and acted out. But now she says she misses Nana and wants her back so that makes me happy.
I ramble. My mind is still kind of reeling from it all. It was hard. It was emotional. You guys know. You do it more than I do. Blessings to you all!!!
Hi deef ...I'm doing great. Still hanging around...I feel a little guilty for feeling so good. I miss my mom, I don't miss the stress and exhaustion. I really wished I could help out more, so many suffering. So many on the wild journey I was on...if I can help them through some tough times then I feel my there was a purpose for what I had endured. It's hard to break away from this wonderful group. I hope you all don't think I'm stalking you. Well. Maybe just a little. Love you guys!
MsDaizy-you are not stalking, you are just quietly keeping up with all of us! And don't feel guilty about feeling good-we are happy for you when you do! I am always happy when someone has a good day or something good happens. It gives me hope. Deef-we got a few inches and this morning there are delays at the schools. It is messy out there. Hope the snow is as light for you as they are showing it on national news. Easier for shoveling! Hope daycare is open!!! Mishka-your poor dtr having to share her time...but sweet that she missis nana now! So much work for you with the 2 of them. Hope you get a bit of rest now that mom is back with dad. Lildeb-we had two 60 degree days and it felt soooo good. But I know better than to get used to it. Anything can happen weather-wise in March and here we are with snow again! Meanwhile-I am not too sure about venison either...may be it just hasn't been cooked right or something. I am willing to try again. I have a nephew who hunts and my boys love it when he makes jerkey! Flex-are they gone yet? Hope you are doing ok. Possibly having a relapse of whatever I had...sore throat...achy etc... I over did yesterday but am happy for all I got done. Gonna try and sleep today when mom does. Hope everyone has a decent day. Mame
I will try again the cpter is acting crazy today-some of you know about my friend who I was trying to help with her adiction-she died the night before last another of her friend's called me-her husband is not having any service for her-he did not even go to the funeral home to make arrangments-the other friend and I talked about it last night on the phone-we both tried so hard to help her over the years but the alcohol won out-it is so sad-I am so grieved-we three friends will plant some bushes to attract butterflies which she loved and have some kind of memorial for her. sometime.
Midnight here n will be going to bed soon. My mom has passed away in her sleep this afternoon. I went straight from work to the hospital for the viewing and rosary.
Book-my heartfelt sympathies to you. It has been such a long road. Hugs and hugs. And Austin I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. The butterfly bushes sound like a very nice memorial to her.
Book I'm sorry for your loss...I will be praying for you. Get rest now...Let us know how you are when you can. I big (((HUG))) from me to you. You have one extra Angel looking down on you now. Debbie
Austin & Bookworm, I'm so sorry for your losses. Hugs to both of you.
Well sis left yesterday! Mom is sleeping more, bedridden and eating about 1 meal a day. She has no idea where she is and has extremely angry phases. Luckily she had one when the hospice nurse was here and she got to see first hand how angry and agitated she gets. The nurse got the doctor to prescribe morphine to help with her pain and the combative moods. I asked the nurse about how long she thought mom would hold on. She said she could last another month, but she thinks she will go sooner than that. I've been very weepy realizing the end is coming soon. We have talked with the funeral home in SC and the cemetery in Florida. I've already written her obituary. I know when the day comes I will become a basket case so I needed to do these things while I had a clear head. I find I my brain is already very scrambled and I so need to be clear headed and focused at work.
I hope all of you are able to have a good evening.
Deefer, I hope u don't get that much snow either because eventually, we get that cold nasty weather. We had two days in the mid 70's n loved it n cleaned my car out today n cranked up the music. The mil sat in a chair on the porch for a little while n I would check on her off/on in between. Hey, don't feel bad for I might need to exercise my mind as well. This forum has grown so much that it is hard to keep up with everyone. It sounds like u learned a new trick about parking your car n back so that u can use the blower. I can imagine that snow can turn into a real big mess when it melts n start sticking. Do y'all still use salt to help melt the snow? You know us southerns have no clue when it comes to snow n we all go crazy buying the stores out.; ) I hope u don't get too much white dust. Debbie, you know u r always welcome to this forum. Plus, we learned from others like you that, have already been through it all as a caregiver.
MishkaM, glad to hear your mom is back with dad n that your hubby is helpful too. I know it has to be hard for your daughter with the changes going on with her Nanna n it has to be hard for her to understand too. I hope your early morning is a little refreshing tomorrow. I am no morning person myself until at least I have drank down half of cup of coffee. Mame, that is why I am not planting anything until for sure there is no more cold weather. We got a few low's coming this wk too but not snow. We got hail yesterday due to the nasty gusty wind n rain. I hope u can get some rest n gargle with some warm salted water for your throat. Don;t over do it. Austin, ??? Those of you who know Book, please check in on her for I think she mention that she lost her mom today. Book, sending you my condolence.
Dtflex, so sorry for you and your Mom's pain. Wish I could make it better.
Lildeb- mid 70's -how lovely!!!! Here in Ohio it has been kinda snowy. Not too bad today but soooooo ready for Spring! Unfortunately my daughter AND husband now have colds -and the kicker-I think they got it from my Dad when we returned Mom!!!! Thanks , Dad!!!!
Kinda missing my Mom. Which is weird because she was a big pain in the rear! My daughter said she misses her ringing her bell-now that -that I do NOT miss.
Again, Dtflex, my condolences for your painful time. If it doesn't offend I will keep you and your Mom in my prayers. And Bookworm , you and your Mom too and Austin and friend as well.
*I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.!!
* Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
*A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know.?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up.!!"
*I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
*My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
*The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
Mishka!!!!! BOAT TIME!!!!!!!!! Glad your mom got bacl home okay. I'm sure it was confusing for your daughter to have a schedule change like that, but she sure did like having her grandma around! Sorry they have colds now. Something else for you to deal with! Gramaintexas, You are so right!!! Thanks for joining in. Mishka, Mame, I'm with you on the venison. My sister and brother both hunt and eat venison all the time. They tried passing it off on me as hamburger or steak, but I new right away it was something different! Mame, I got up to 4 inches of the white stuff. I was happy we didn't get as much as they predicted! We did a bit with the blower, but it was too wet and heavy, so we had to shovel. Then it snowed another couple inches this afternoon, so I went out and shoveled again. Plenty of fresh air and strenuous exercise today! Mom had a ringside seat in the window. No daycare today:( But she wasn't too bad. Just one hell of a time to get her to open her mouth for meds or food! She actually went to bed for an hour this afternoon too. LilDeb, we get sand that has salt mixed in it from the town highway department. They keep an area open to the public to fill their buckets. We have a town law that requires property owners to shovel and maintain their sidewalks within 24 hours after a storm has ended. If you don't shovel the town sidewalk in front of your property within 24 hours, you get a $100 fine. Wish I could wash my car, but it would freeze! Book, hang in there, Hope your sibs are helping you out! Austin, so sorry about your friend. Diane, sorry for your mom's decline, but her suffering and yours will be over soon and you will be able to hold your head up high, knowing you did your best for her! Msdaizy, hang out with us all you want! Many of our group have lost the loved one they cared for, but still join in when they feel the need. There is always someone on this site that can benefit from your knowledge. Even though your caregiving days are over, you still have that strong bound with all caregivers here and I can see way you continue to hang out here! Bobbie, hope you are hurting less! BJ, where are you? Kuli, Yogi, Shirley, hope you are all having a great week! Linda, tell your husband take it easy with that shoulder. Jen!!!! How's that play coming? Spring tomorrow, but it sure doesn't feel like it here. Although, the red wing blackbirds are back! Wasn,t today shopping day? Stormy, how are you and dad? Sharyn, any progress with placing mom? So sorry if I missed anyone!!!! I'm exhausted from shoveling and dealing with mom all day! Night everyone!!!!
bookworm and austin sending you cyber hugs and am so so very soory for ur loss . last month a lady i know , her mother too died inher sleep . peaceful way to go . xoxo
flex _ once ur mom starts on the morhpine she will stop eating and drink very little , im sending u cyber hugs too and am with u in spirit .
Austin~I am sorry for your loss of your friend. I know you have posted some about her. I am thinking about you. Flex~I am sorry to hear about your mother's decline. It is a long journey and the phase you are entering is (from my own experience) the hardest.Take care and many hugs to you.
Deef~We are waiting to get the statement of incapacity from the neurologist so we can give it to mom's attorney. He will then work for us to get a conservatorship. It was written this way so we have to go with flow on it plus here in California, a judge has the final say whether someone is incapacitated. Judges will usually go with what the dr. says. I am hoping it will all be done in a couple months.It is a lot of red tape to go through because of how her DPOA was written. I do hope the attorney will see the need to place mom for safety reasons and will agree to let us do that while the conservatorship is being set up. My sis is the primary on the DPOA and I am second. Because of our dysfunctional family, and me being the youngest of 4, mom has always labeled me irresponsible. I am ok with that now. Sis and I work together as a team which has it's drawbacks because of her health issues and living 45 minutes away. She is 5 years older, single, divorced twice, and a recovering alcoholic. Her adult life has not been easy because of the choices she made.. Sis was a "good girl" other than getting pregnant. I was the rebel who partied all through high school getting into trouble for drinking, cutting classes, etc. I got it out of my system by my senior year and straightened up but mom always saw me as irresponsible, unable to handle money, etc. LOL!! I will be married 36 years in April. It's funny how parents label their children without really knowing the child. Have a good night all and hugs to everyone!!
Well MishkaM, all that pretty weather will go bye bye this wk for its going to be a little chilly again. Boo hoo, I hate cold weather n my Raynaud fingers too. Well, at least I got to enjoy a couple of days n their will be more soon. Those nasty little bug virus r just terrible how it goes from family member like one big circle. I hope both of them get to feeling better real soon.
Took the mil to Geriatric physician n it went okay. Of course, she is also a cosmetic dr as well so we will just keep her as a Geriatric physician n continue to keep mil's physician as the primary care dr. Anyway, seem mil has lost 3lbs according to their scales. She is going to have Hospice come out to the house n hopefully they will be able to help us. She also put the ml on something that suppose to help increase her appetite called, "Remeron." Of course, it has lots of side effects so giving it to the mil at night. I told mil if she felt not right if she had to get up n the middle of the night to holler for me. I think I will go put that charm alarm in her room so if she tries to get out of bed I will know n case she does need help to the bathroom. She is out like a light n sleeping real good right now. I just hope it will help increase her appetite. I am just so tired n drained n cannot fall alseep.
Lildeb, My mom used to take Remeron. Dr. said it would help her sleep and it was mild like a glass of wine. It worked well until she started having problems sleeping. Maybe it will help your Mil sleep better and longer so you can get some rest. My mom is losing weight also, probably due to her body just not absorbing nutrition anymore. She loves to eat things with lots of taste, just can't keep her mind on a meal or the food I am trying to put in her mouth! I had help today from noon to 7, so my husband and I went to a mall just to get out of the house. I got 2 books at Barnes and Noble and we roamed through some of the other stores. Then we stopped at a local food store that started out as an apple orchard years ago. Got a few things there, then headed home. At least the sun was shining at supper time. It wasn't as cold as it has been, so we went for a walk while I still had someone to watch Mom. She had a really good day and went to sleep right after she got put to bed. Hopefully she will be good in the morning and make it easy for me to get her ready and off to daycare. She is getting more grabby and distracted each day. It's really getting hard to get her up in the morning and to bed at night on my own. When she is agitated, it's almost impossible to deal with her alone. My Wednesday help is going back to work full time, so I may only have help on the weekends. It will be really hard, but will save me over $100/week. Where is everybody? Lurking? Guess we are all busy or in the hole or just here! I need to get to bed. All this exercise and fresh air today is getting to me. I hope you all had a good day and an even better one tomorrow! Jump in when you can and let us know how you all are doing.
Book- I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I know this is very difficult for you. I will keep you in my prayers! Hugs to you! Austin- I am sorry for the loss of your friend. The bushes sound like a nice touch. I'm sure your friend would've loved that. Hugs. Flex-I am sorry to hear of the decline of your mom. I am sure you are going through alot right now. I will keep you in my prayers as well as book, and austin. Hugs.
I am sorry everyone for being so absent on the thread. I have been going through some deep depression. I have been trying to find out what is wrong with me. It has something to do with my period. I get really depressed a week before. Along with alot of other pms symptoms but they are worse. I had my dr run some hormone tests but they all came back normal. I have all the symptoms of PMDD. There are no tests that can diagnosis this. I just feel so out of control during this time. I have had thoughts of suicide and that scares me. But I am so tired of being depressed and sick of the fatigue that comes with the hypothyroidism. If I am not dealing with one, I am dealing with the other one. I had quit taking my antidepressants when I found out I was hypo. I figured that was the cause of it and once the dr got my thyroid levels regulated I would be fine. She asked me if I was still taking them and I told her no. So yesterday I started taking them. Now comes the side effects of that. I HATE TAKING MEDS!!! I have to take it 4 hours after my thyroid meds. I hate trying to keep up with what I have and haven't taken. I feel like I need to see some one (a dr) about the pmdd. But I don't know if it is coming from hypo. I don't know if I need to see a endocrinologist or a ob-gyn. Well, I guess I need to go to dads. He is doing alright. Dr. said he might have chronic anemia. Who knows... I know from his medical report that he has a lung nodule that was 7mm in may of last year and it has grown to 1.1cm now. Probably some infection. That's what they always say anyway. And he had a adrenal gland that had hemorrhaged. That's all I know right now on him. I hope everyone is doing alright. I just don't have the mind to call out each of you. But you all are in my thoughts. Love to all and hugs to you too!Stormy
Book and Austin - my sincere condolences on your losses. Book - I am glad your mom passed so peacefully. I always prayed my dad would go that way but he fought until the very end. Yes, I have been lurking. My kitty, Sophie, is doing well. She was weighed last Saturday and the vet tech told me she had lost 12 ounces since her last weight check. I had resigned myself to the fact that she was on her way out quickly but when I talked with the vet on Monday, found out her weight was only down 2 ounces and they consider 3-5 ounces to be an acceptable variation. So guess she'll be with me for a little longer. She's eating great - I actually thought she might have gained weight. The med that the vet gave me seems to be working so all is status quo with her. Still going through dad's stuff and sorting what is trash, what to keep, what to give away. It just gets so overwhelming. I spent 4 hours yesterday and felt like I had accomplished quite a bit then looked around and I had hardly made a dent. I have to say, though, that it's getting easier. I actually didn't cry at all yesterday. Had lots of good memories instead. Well, just thought I would check in and wanted to let Book and Austin know I'm thinking of them. Cheers to all ~ Kuli
Stormy! I have no idea what to say about the medical issues but I do know that you are just nuts with the situation and you know that you're not going to kill yourself because you have your sweet family in your life!
Here we all know how hard and depressing it is because we have been there. There are so many of us on this thread alone that have had the darkest thoughts and the worst health of our lives during our caregiving time. Just know that this too will pass. It will and you will survive it.
I have been reading all of the posts and am sorry for the recent losses. All of these losses are so sad because they represent the end of a place in time. All of us have lost someone or something so we understand exactly what that is. There are so many things that are lost when we are placed in the position of 'loving someone to death'.
One on the long list of firsts to go is this: Something to Look Forward To.
That's why I got a boat. We all have to have something to look forward to or we will go nuts because there is no greater death than that of hope. When we lose hope we go nuts and get sicker and sicker because all we can think of is going nuts and it's all due to the complex stresses of the insane position of helping someone die.
Whatever we, as primary caregivers and caregiver families, are doing for or have done for a parent or spouse or child on their road to death has left a heavy mark on us that can be hard to erase. It seems that all things are leading to that moment and we are simply trying to breathe as we keep up with it all. The beacons of our childhood or our loves are dying and we are there and man oh man is it hard. People we care about deeply have morphed into a different form and we are there, whether living with them or arranging their professional care with all of its insane stresses.
That's why we have to have something to look forward to. What are we going to do after this sad, awful, heart wrenching thing that has just happened, happened a bit ago or is rumbling down the road at us, what are we going to do after that?
This is why here on the thread we used to say: Thinkoftheboat. Whatever your 'boat' is, think of it.
This boat was my way of doing the best I could to know that there was a life after caregiving. I know that everybody has their boat so they just have to remember to think of it. We'll change it to: thinkofyourboat.
Stormy! Think of your boat!
We have a fine group of support here. I love to read Deef! and Austin and Linda and lildeb haha dark boat, and Jen and Flex! and Kuli what's going going on with your kittie and hey there msdaizy and thank you and Book! how are you doing? and sharynmarie what's the news and CuZ! You have come up with some funny jokes! I dribbled my coffee and thanks for that and Yogi and BJ and hey Mishka! Boat Time! and mame and meantime! and what's going on Grama in Tay-Has, and now it's time for me to get up the dock and listen to the guys be goofballs while I try and order screws or hoses.
The other day I went up for some #8 Stainless Steel, Phillips screws and the big guy behind the counter at the ship's store told me I actually needed #10s. I had the hose bracket that I needed the screws for and dropped a #8 in one of the holes and said: See? This is perfect. It sits right in there perfectly and makes a smaller hole in the bulkhead. Parts dude drops a #10 in the other hole of the hose bracket, holds it in the air and wiggles it. The #8 screw goes back and forth and the #10 is stuffed in the hole and doesn't move. He says: See? All I'm thinking is that this bracket is just for a tiny chase with some wires in it and doesn't need to be put in with bridge bolts so why the big push for the bigger screw? Then I look the goofball in the eye. He's still wiggling the bracket with the screws in it and smiling like a jackass with a mouth full of briars.
Ah. A big screw joke. Now I get it. And that is why when I have to go and get some screws or hoses they get me every time. They have become experts of the long walk through some supposed fundamental information on working on a boat and then winding up at your basic pecker joke. I'd have to hand it to them if they weren't spending so much time handing it to themselves.
Love all you guys way more than you'll ever know. lovbob
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Hope everyone has a good week. Love Shirley
Sharyn, I hope Dell will be able to help you. They were pretty helpful with us a time or two.
mame, sound like spring has sprung in your yard too. I hope u don't get too much snow. Weather here is suppose to drop a little too n I was just starting to enjoy the springy weather. I use the blower to blow off the yellow pollen off the porch for hubby gets sinus real bad in spring time. I hope u can get some rest.
I hope everyone else is able to get some much needed rest.
Mame, I saw 2 robins in a tree this morning. It was only 22 degrees and they looked like they were sorry they were here! I have 6 sibs too, and stopped asking or expecting help from them 3 years ago. Less stressful for me. I don't even call them when we have an ER visit. If they can't take the time to call or stop by, then I shouldn't be expected to keep them informed. I have enough to keep track of! Plus, whenever I have a conversation with one of them they always say something to make me feel bad or question my decision to care for Mom, so I just don't deal with them anymore. The oldest of my brothers will come right away if I need him, but doesn't visit otherwise. He has told other sibs that they have no say in how I care for Mom, because they don't participate or help physically or $$ wise. My oldest sister is always sending me $$ if I need it. She is in Virginia, so can't be here to help, but spends 2 week every summer helping me with Mom and is the only sib that truly see's what I am dealing with. Then there are the 2 sibs that are pissed because all Mom's $$ is going for her care and the house was signed over to me. Too bad! My dad always wanted me to have the house because I have always lived here, and he wanted it to stay in the family. By the way, the Irish soda bread was delicious! My gf came over after work tonight to have some with tea!.
Jen, N.E. boiled dinners have always been a family favorite here!
Sharyn, My dad's grandparents on his dad's side were from Ireland. My maiden name is Shea!
Linda, hope your husband gets to rest! When I had my shoulder surgery, 4 years ago. my wonderful sibs left me to care for Mom by myself less than a week after the surgery. I had 24 staples in my shoulder for 4 weeks and was supposed to wear the sling for 6 weeks. Yeh, like that was happening! I was picking Mom up off the floor with one arm!
LilDeb, How are you feeling? Are you still hurting from your surgery? My shoulder is still bothering me, but exercise is helping it some. I'm hoping we don't get the 8"plus that they are saying for around here!
Shirley, I'm exercising hard twice a day and watching what I eat closely. It paid off because I have lost 3 pounds since last Monday! Yay!!!! Feeling sore, but much more comfortable. I want to lose at least 25 lbs by summer, so I have my work cut out for me!
Diane, are your sibs still at your house? Sometimes getting their help is more trouble than it is worth! Hope you managed to get your work caught up and some rest too!
Miska! How did your week with mom go?
BJ, You still hanging in there?
Stormy, Hope you are feeling better and you get some answers for your dad.
Yogi, Kuli, MsDaizy, how are you all doing?
Bobbie, how's that knee doing? Hope you can get around better! Hate getting old! When you hurt something, It takes twice as long for it to get better.
A shout out to everyone I missed! Sorry, guess I better exercise my memory too!
Got to get the kitties fed and get my butt to bed! Can't wait to see how much snow we have in the morning! Night everyone!
Deefer--- I am so impressed by you posters that can remember so much about other posters!!! I wish I could do that but I get started and then draw a blank. I hope you guys don't think I don't care-I do!.
Mom is back with my Dad. Overall things went really well. It was not easy, of course, we had one really rough spot when she got mad because I would not let her sleep with her Requip bottle-and would not let her take another one soon after she had already taken one. On top off of her . She had a bell that she rang when she needed me and she kept ringing it and ringing it when I told her she had to wait for her next pill. I do think she is addicted to the pills-whether physically or just mentally- she is definitely addicted to them. I finally called our 24 hour pharmacist ( this all happened at like 12 AM) and talked with her and she said my Mom could have another pill without fear of overdosing -just that it would make her dizzy. The bottle says one pill a day 1 to 3 hours before bed-she had already taken 2 that day. Anyway-it was a mess for a bit - I really wish I would have been told before hand that the doctor told her she could take up to 3 a day ( something I found out after I called my Dad) .
My daughter had some rough times dealing with the change of having my Mom here but she did pretty well. At times I felt like they were both vieing for my attention and mad if I helped one and not the other. I know my daughter felt a little jealous. When I showered my Mom and cleaned up her stray facial hairs my daughter started yelling for me to shave her. ( in case anyone missed it -my daughter,16, has a syndrome and has special needs). And when my daughter would get up for school and need help my Mom wanted to get up at the same time. I told here she had to stay in her room until my daughter left for school ( she leaves at 6:30) unless she had to use the bathroom. It was too chaotic for them both to be waking up and needing help at the same time -and I wake up VERY crabby!!!
My husband helped A LOT! But he did get pretty stressed at times. Mostly when my daughter would act out. My daughter needs a set routine and having my Mom here changed that quite a bit so she really had to buck up. And she did. Only there were times where she became overwhelmed and acted out. But now she says she misses Nana and wants her back so that makes me happy.
I ramble. My mind is still kind of reeling from it all. It was hard. It was emotional. You guys know. You do it more than I do. Blessings to you all!!!
Deef-we got a few inches and this morning there are delays at the schools. It is messy out there. Hope the snow is as light for you as they are showing it on national news. Easier for shoveling! Hope daycare is open!!!
Mishka-your poor dtr having to share her time...but sweet that she missis nana now! So much work for you with the 2 of them. Hope you get a bit of rest now that mom is back with dad.
Lildeb-we had two 60 degree days and it felt soooo good. But I know better than to get used to it. Anything can happen weather-wise in March and here we are with snow again!
Meanwhile-I am not too sure about venison either...may be it just hasn't been cooked right or something. I am willing to try again. I have a nephew who hunts and my boys love it when he makes jerkey!
Flex-are they gone yet? Hope you are doing ok.
Possibly having a relapse of whatever I had...sore throat...achy etc... I over did yesterday but am happy for all I got done. Gonna try and sleep today when mom does. Hope everyone has a decent day. Mame
And Austin I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. The butterfly bushes sound like a very nice memorial to her.
Austin sorry for your friend and glad there will be a butterfly bush one day for her.
You all are angels on earth.
lovbob
Well sis left yesterday! Mom is sleeping more, bedridden and eating about 1 meal a day. She has no idea where she is and has extremely angry phases. Luckily she had one when the hospice nurse was here and she got to see first hand how angry and agitated she gets. The nurse got the doctor to prescribe morphine to help with her pain and the combative moods. I asked the nurse about how long she thought mom would hold on. She said she could last another month, but she thinks she will go sooner than that. I've been very weepy realizing the end is coming soon. We have talked with the funeral home in SC and the cemetery in Florida. I've already written her obituary. I know when the day comes I will become a basket case so I needed to do these things while I had a clear head. I find I my brain is already very scrambled and I so need to be clear headed and focused at work.
I hope all of you are able to have a good evening.
Debbie, you know u r always welcome to this forum. Plus, we learned from others like you that, have already been through it all as a caregiver.
MishkaM, glad to hear your mom is back with dad n that your hubby is helpful too. I know it has to be hard for your daughter with the changes going on with her Nanna n it has to be hard for her to understand too. I hope your early morning is a little refreshing tomorrow. I am no morning person myself until at least I have drank down half of cup of coffee.
Mame, that is why I am not planting anything until for sure there is no more cold weather. We got a few low's coming this wk too but not snow. We got hail yesterday due to the nasty gusty wind n rain. I hope u can get some rest n gargle with some warm salted water for your throat. Don;t over do it.
Austin, ???
Those of you who know Book, please check in on her for I think she mention that she lost her mom today. Book, sending you my condolence.
Lildeb- mid 70's -how lovely!!!! Here in Ohio it has been kinda snowy. Not too bad today but soooooo ready for Spring!
Unfortunately my daughter AND husband now have colds -and the kicker-I think they got it from my Dad when we returned Mom!!!! Thanks , Dad!!!!
Kinda missing my Mom. Which is weird because she was a big pain in the rear! My daughter said she misses her ringing her bell-now that -that I do NOT miss.
Again, Dtflex, my condolences for your painful time. If it doesn't offend I will keep you and your Mom in my prayers. And Bookworm , you and your Mom too and Austin and friend as well.
in our prayers.
luvCuz
*I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion,
I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and
we're stoning her in the morning.!!
* Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my
wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
*A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know.?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up.!!"
*I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
*My wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to
get all of her clothes back.
*The Red Cross just knocked on my door
and asked if we could contribute towards
the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to,
but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
Glad your mom got bacl home okay. I'm sure it was confusing for your daughter to have a schedule change like that, but she sure did like having her grandma around! Sorry they have colds now. Something else for you to deal with!
Gramaintexas, You are so right!!! Thanks for joining in.
Mishka, Mame, I'm with you on the venison. My sister and brother both hunt and eat venison all the time. They tried passing it off on me as hamburger or steak, but I new right away it was something different!
Mame, I got up to 4 inches of the white stuff. I was happy we didn't get as much as they predicted! We did a bit with the blower, but it was too wet and heavy, so we had to shovel. Then it snowed another couple inches this afternoon, so I went out and shoveled again. Plenty of fresh air and strenuous exercise today! Mom had a ringside seat in the window. No daycare today:( But she wasn't too bad. Just one hell of a time to get her to open her mouth for meds or food! She actually went to bed for an hour this afternoon too.
LilDeb, we get sand that has salt mixed in it from the town highway department. They keep an area open to the public to fill their buckets. We have a town law that requires property owners to shovel and maintain their sidewalks within 24 hours after a storm has ended. If you don't shovel the town sidewalk in front of your property within 24 hours, you get a $100 fine. Wish I could wash my car, but it would freeze!
Book, hang in there, Hope your sibs are helping you out!
Austin, so sorry about your friend.
Diane, sorry for your mom's decline, but her suffering and yours will be over soon and you will be able to hold your head up high, knowing you did your best for her!
Msdaizy, hang out with us all you want! Many of our group have lost the loved one they cared for, but still join in when they feel the need. There is always someone on this site that can benefit from your knowledge. Even though your caregiving days are over, you still have that strong bound with all caregivers here and I can see way you continue to hang out here!
Bobbie, hope you are hurting less!
BJ, where are you?
Kuli, Yogi, Shirley, hope you are all having a great week!
Linda, tell your husband take it easy with that shoulder.
Jen!!!! How's that play coming? Spring tomorrow, but it sure doesn't feel like it here. Although, the red wing blackbirds are back! Wasn,t today shopping day?
Stormy, how are you and dad?
Sharyn, any progress with placing mom?
So sorry if I missed anyone!!!! I'm exhausted from shoveling and dealing with mom all day! Night everyone!!!!
flex _ once ur mom starts on the morhpine she will stop eating and drink very little , im sending u cyber hugs too and am with u in spirit .
im sad . love you all xoxo
Flex~I am sorry to hear about your mother's decline. It is a long journey and the phase you are entering is (from my own experience) the hardest.Take care and many hugs to you.
Deef~We are waiting to get the statement of incapacity from the neurologist so we can give it to mom's attorney. He will then work for us to get a conservatorship. It was written this way so we have to go with flow on it plus here in California, a judge has the final say whether someone is incapacitated. Judges will usually go with what the dr. says. I am hoping it will all be done in a couple months.It is a lot of red tape to go through because of how her DPOA was written. I do hope the attorney will see the need to place mom for safety reasons and will agree to let us do that while the conservatorship is being set up. My sis is the primary on the DPOA and I am second. Because of our dysfunctional family, and me being the youngest of 4, mom has always labeled me irresponsible. I am ok with that now. Sis and I work together as a team which has it's drawbacks because of her health issues and living 45 minutes away. She is 5 years older, single, divorced twice, and a recovering alcoholic. Her adult life has not been easy because of the choices she made.. Sis was a "good girl" other than getting pregnant. I was the rebel who partied all through high school getting into trouble for drinking, cutting classes, etc. I got it out of my system by my senior year and straightened up but mom always saw me as irresponsible, unable to handle money, etc. LOL!! I will be married 36 years in April. It's funny how parents label their children without really knowing the child. Have a good night all and hugs to everyone!!
Those nasty little bug virus r just terrible how it goes from family member like one big circle. I hope both of them get to feeling better real soon.
Took the mil to Geriatric physician n it went okay. Of course, she is also a cosmetic dr as well so we will just keep her as a Geriatric physician n continue to keep mil's physician as the primary care dr. Anyway, seem mil has lost 3lbs according to their scales. She is going to have Hospice come out to the house n hopefully they will be able to help us. She also put the ml on something that suppose to help increase her appetite called, "Remeron." Of course, it has lots of side effects so giving it to the mil at night. I told mil if she felt not right if she had to get up n the middle of the night to holler for me. I think I will go put that charm alarm in her room so if she tries to get out of bed I will know n case she does need help to the bathroom. She is out like a light n sleeping real good right now. I just hope it will help increase her appetite. I am just so tired n drained n cannot fall alseep.
I had help today from noon to 7, so my husband and I went to a mall just to get out of the house. I got 2 books at Barnes and Noble and we roamed through some of the other stores. Then we stopped at a local food store that started out as an apple orchard years ago. Got a few things there, then headed home. At least the sun was shining at supper time. It wasn't as cold as it has been, so we went for a walk while I still had someone to watch Mom.
She had a really good day and went to sleep right after she got put to bed. Hopefully she will be good in the morning and make it easy for me to get her ready and off to daycare. She is getting more grabby and distracted each day. It's really getting hard to get her up in the morning and to bed at night on my own. When she is agitated, it's almost impossible to deal with her alone. My Wednesday help is going back to work full time, so I may only have help on the weekends. It will be really hard, but will save me over $100/week.
Where is everybody? Lurking? Guess we are all busy or in the hole or just here!
I need to get to bed. All this exercise and fresh air today is getting to me. I hope you all had a good day and an even better one tomorrow!
Jump in when you can and let us know how you all are doing.
Austin- I am sorry for the loss of your friend. The bushes sound like a nice touch. I'm sure your friend would've loved that. Hugs.
Flex-I am sorry to hear of the decline of your mom. I am sure you are going through alot right now. I will keep you in my prayers as well as book, and austin. Hugs.
I am sorry everyone for being so absent on the thread. I have been going through some deep depression. I have been trying to find out what is wrong with me. It has something to do with my period. I get really depressed a week before. Along with alot of other pms symptoms but they are worse. I had my dr run some hormone tests but they all came back normal. I have all the symptoms of PMDD. There are no tests that can diagnosis this. I just feel so out of control during this time. I have had thoughts of suicide and that scares me. But I am so tired of being depressed and sick of the fatigue that comes with the hypothyroidism. If I am not dealing with one, I am dealing with the other one. I had quit taking my antidepressants when I found out I was hypo. I figured that was the cause of it and once the dr got my thyroid levels regulated I would be fine. She asked me if I was still taking them and I told her no. So yesterday I started taking them. Now comes the side effects of that. I HATE TAKING MEDS!!! I have to take it 4 hours after my thyroid meds. I hate trying to keep up with what I have and haven't taken. I feel like I need to see some one (a dr) about the pmdd. But I don't know if it is coming from hypo. I don't know if I need to see a endocrinologist or a ob-gyn. Well, I guess I need to go to dads. He is doing alright. Dr. said he might have chronic anemia. Who knows... I know from his medical report that he has a lung nodule that was 7mm in may of last year and it has grown to 1.1cm now. Probably some infection. That's what they always say anyway. And he had a adrenal gland that had hemorrhaged. That's all I know right now on him. I hope everyone is doing alright. I just don't have the mind to call out each of you. But you all are in my thoughts. Love to all and hugs to you too!Stormy
Stormy! I have no idea what to say about the medical issues but I do know that you are just nuts with the situation and you know that you're not going to kill yourself because you have your sweet family in your life!
Here we all know how hard and depressing it is because we have been there. There are so many of us on this thread alone that have had the darkest thoughts and the worst health of our lives during our caregiving time.
Just know that this too will pass. It will and you will survive it.
I have been reading all of the posts and am sorry for the recent losses.
All of these losses are so sad because they represent the end of a place in time.
All of us have lost someone or something so we understand exactly what that is. There are so many things that are lost when we are placed in the position of 'loving someone to death'.
One on the long list of firsts to go is this:
Something to Look Forward To.
That's why I got a boat.
We all have to have something to look forward to or we will go nuts because there is no greater death than that of hope.
When we lose hope we go nuts and get sicker and sicker because all we can think of is going nuts and it's all due to the complex stresses of the insane position of helping someone die.
Whatever we, as primary caregivers and caregiver families, are doing for or have done for a parent or spouse or child on their road to death has left a heavy mark on us that can be hard to erase.
It seems that all things are leading to that moment and we are simply trying to breathe as we keep up with it all. The beacons of our childhood or our loves are dying and we are there and man oh man is it hard. People we care about deeply have morphed into a different form and we are there, whether living with them or arranging their professional care with all of its insane stresses.
That's why we have to have something to look forward to. What are we going to do after this sad, awful, heart wrenching thing that has just happened, happened a bit ago or is rumbling down the road at us, what are we going to do after that?
This is why here on the thread we used to say:
Thinkoftheboat.
Whatever your 'boat' is, think of it.
This boat was my way of doing the best I could to know that there was a life after caregiving. I know that everybody has their boat so they just have to remember to think of it.
We'll change it to: thinkofyourboat.
Stormy! Think of your boat!
We have a fine group of support here. I love to read Deef! and Austin and Linda and lildeb haha dark boat, and Jen and Flex! and Kuli what's going going on with your kittie and hey there msdaizy and thank you and Book! how are you doing? and sharynmarie what's the news and CuZ! You have come up with some funny jokes! I dribbled my coffee and thanks for that and Yogi and BJ and hey Mishka! Boat Time! and mame and meantime! and what's going on Grama in Tay-Has, and now it's time for me to get up the dock and listen to the guys be goofballs while I try and order screws or hoses.
The other day I went up for some #8 Stainless Steel, Phillips screws and the big guy behind the counter at the ship's store told me I actually needed #10s.
I had the hose bracket that I needed the screws for and dropped a #8 in one of the holes and said: See? This is perfect. It sits right in there perfectly and makes a smaller hole in the bulkhead.
Parts dude drops a #10 in the other hole of the hose bracket, holds it in the air and wiggles it. The #8 screw goes back and forth and the #10 is stuffed in the hole and doesn't move. He says: See?
All I'm thinking is that this bracket is just for a tiny chase with some wires in it and doesn't need to be put in with bridge bolts so why the big push for the bigger screw?
Then I look the goofball in the eye. He's still wiggling the bracket with the screws in it and smiling like a jackass with a mouth full of briars.
Ah. A big screw joke. Now I get it.
And that is why when I have to go and get some screws or hoses they get me every time. They have become experts of the long walk through some supposed fundamental information on working on a boat and then winding up at your basic pecker joke.
I'd have to hand it to them if they weren't spending so much time handing it to themselves.
Love all you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob