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Thanks Austin. You know that you are so important to me and to everyone here on this site. I am so happy you have a friend that you can be with and live your life with. Happiness always. lovbob
Hi All, I know what you all are saying about mothers. If my mom had not developed Alz, I would still be having limited contact with her. I wish she would have been willing to take an antidepressant years ago.
In an a Irish Courtroom, the judge says to a double-homicide defendant "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer”.
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"
The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom..... “Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?" Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for 15 years I've lived next door to that asshole, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one!"
A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00.
He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation......And, if you want To, bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them”.
Know what you mean meanwhile. You have to cut people out of your life who are TOXIC to you that is all you can do. My situation is pathetic, but I do have some boundaries. I won't be guilt-ed into anything or well mean-ed to be a part of the lie. it is a hard thing child abuse. No one expects you to maintain a relationship with strangers who treat you like shit. But once "it's family", it is as if somehow, that should excuse all forms of manipulation, misery, unkindness and cruelty. Just NO.
I just need to vent! I am so burned out this week I been in my jammies since tues nite! Its my 9th year of mom w/ ALZ being totally dependant on me. She is conscous but doesn't speak and has not been able to initiate any care for herself. she does not get out of bed or eat drink rx without me directing her to and has been completely incontinent. she would literally sit in her own waste and starve if I did not do those things. let alone maintaining her yard pets n home finances. I am completely lost in her care and haven't had my own life in a long time. what makes it especially hard is I left my home and moved to a new state/town I haven't been able to make any friends and I have no family to speak of, no immediate spouse children or siblings some distant, cousins etc but haven't talked in 20+ ys. I started this 9 ys ago my fiancé left shortly after, I am literally doing this alone singular, and the longer and more she needs the harder it gets This week I just wanna cry... I am so lonely, the ONLY friend I have is a very busy mom hour and a half away. We barely get a visit once every six months. I feel like I am going to break this week, not sure why now but I am just soooooo buuuurrrnnnnneeeed ouuuuuttttt. I have thought some very dark things as since I have no family once mom is gone what will I do, I will be completely alone broke and homeless. How the hell did this happen I just wanted to keep her outta the institution and I have lost my whole life savings and spirit.....I have no happiness or love in my life I am struggling so bad! I have become so depressed in fufulling this act of love and care I promised her. I keep asking myself today WHY? Why are we going thru this routine everyday just to repeat it tomoro....nothing is ever gonna get better and I have nothing when it is over. WHY???? I cant believe I am 100% alone in the world! I am few months shy of 50 ys old have never felt so lonely in my life! I feel like I never want to grow any older/be in the situation my mom is in....especially as I have friends or relatives to have come over n visit me or help with anything. I get away from the house only to the grocery store or pharmacy down the street or 3hr respite Thursdays to go up to town and shop. I talk to the dog most of the time! WTF happened to my life!!!
I sincerely hope that you can find a place for your mom. What you are dealing with is unjust and a killer. There's links on this site that can help you find the right situation that will work for you in Oregon. I quit my job and moved in with my mom and I still acknowledge it today as the biggest mistake of my life. I got so much support from the caregivers on this site. My mom is gone now and it's important to me to continue to be here for those like you who are imprisoned by Dementia. Let's figure out a way for you to get your life back!
Hope everybody is doing as well as they can with the hands that they have been dealt.
Welcome jujubean, people here really KNOW what you are going through, the endless thankless chore you have taken on out of love, has really worn a lot of us down to the nub, and kept on wearing....I hope you find the support you need here to help you find a way to making your life back up, you deserve to have a life too! Jen
I want to thank everyone for the support, I am realizing what has sparked this episode of despair! She fell and broke her hip n shoulder Feb 5th (at the respite caregivers hands). We dodged a bullet and are letting her heal without surgery but has left her unable to walk. She managed to wiggle outta the wheelchair and end up on the floor, 3 Fridays ago while i was outside tending to a situation (Murphys law, the 1 time I hadn't clipped the seatbelt) I had the emt's take her up for xray to be safe and the ER sed she refractured the hip and is in bad shape...re-admitted her for surgery (which she would most likely not survive) THe next day after I spent the nite horrified with myself, the orthopedic surgeon sed the ER DR saw the bone was not intact so followed procedure n admitted for surgery BUT there was actually no change in the fracture. she was fine and home we went! These incidents and recent increase in her care routine and all the stress of almost losing her. I never get to recovery period so I melt down emotionally. ANd I just saw a post on may 6 about Physcology today article on the sound of your mothers voice. it is describes what hit me like a brick a few weeks ago is although I have my mother, I do not have my mother! I always think of her as here because she is here in body, but it never occurred to me she is not here, she is no longer able to provide that motherly comfort and support. I should correct my earlier post she does not speak less spoken to...so fortunately every morning she smiles and greets me back! with the ever so reliable "hows my pretty girl" I guess that's what keeps me going!!! She is sweet as cherry pie, no fear, anger, agitation, combativeness, etc! Thank everyone for your kind words....I am really depressed this week tho and cant seem to do much but cry! I do feel a lil better today because of this outlet and support but also when i am here i just cry the whole time...I'm hoping sometimes a good cry is a release, and i can pull myself off the floor when Im done, i have wasted a whole week in this dark place, i cant afford the time there!
So I digressed a bit but I initially came out of this injury situation awakened from the fog of caregiver burnout. I was renewed and reenergized but what shortly happened as I came out of the fog I saw what had become of my life and it was scary. I cant believe it has been almost 9 years. I had such big plans, I would do something with "our time" and life n family drama and burnout took a nibble here nibble there, nibbled away that spirit, depression set in (runs in the family) and care for mom before me! I am not dealing with the depression that caregivers suffer from...I care n medicate mom but I don't do it for me... I don't wanna take pills I think "its just cuz u trapped here, you can out think this" but it is a viscous circle. Can't out think it when I'm not thinking with a positive mind!
so this awakening and new spirit actually sent me farther into despair this week realizing how much I time I have lost, how I have lost track of goals n plans and let the day control me. So I hope this is just some down time to process the situation and reload my energy banks!
Jujubean, we are all walking or have walked this path ourselves. Please look into some local support groups and a therapist. I let the depression and family fighting get to me last year and I attempted suicide. Please don't let yourself go down that road. This thread has been my life support for over three years. We all understand that we have jeopardized our futures financially, physically & mentally. We know the isolation and having the weight of the world on our shoulders. Vent, vent vent!!!! We will be here for you.
Yes it is crazy the weight. I dropped a kithchen appliance on my foot the other day, it hurt like a C#$^$@ for a while there. my first thought is OMG If I broke my foot what the heck am I gonna do bout momma! how will I get her up n bathed n PT everyday, least I can cook n hobble round. all this in the first seconds, lol!!! oh well, all is well, my foot was sore for couple days but fortunately fine!!!!
Thank you again everyone! It is helpful to vent! God Bless you all!
I can't look or listen to my Mom eat...She refuses to put anything on her false teeth to keep them in her mouth...When she bends over and tries to talk , I just want to scream...The drool just spews out of her mouth... It grosses me out...
Glad you are venting juju and like Cuz said, there are caregivers here who are living the life and who have lived the life. I love that your mom is calling you pretty girl. Hang on to that but I know it doesn't make it any easier to deal with the entire picture. Don't let anyone or yourself guilt you either. This is insane and you know it on a deep level and that's why you're upset about it.
Palmer! Welcome and yup it's soul killing for sure. Keep venting. Mom would just drool on me, then laugh her ass off. ohyeah.
Jen and Flex and everybody! Where's Deef? worried sick about her. Jen! do you know anything?
Hey bobbie. The knee is not purple anymore cause I had shorts on yesterday and you couldn't hardly see my boo boo. Mike is back living at his own place and is doing super. Thanks for being you OK? You are super for being the long distance cousin that you are. Love ya.
A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Hamad , tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Hamad replied, "Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
Well good morning, I am feeling a little better today again. But it is the morning still. It seems I do well in the mornings, I am an early riser by nature and can get so much more done. But as the morning wears on and these unpleasant chores and duties swallow the time up, I find my lonliness set in, honestly less emotional today, but the truth is the truth, I am truly alone. I do not have any family left. I have always been the type that had a small circle of friends, not social butterfly type. But relocating and being housebound with Mom has really crippled my social circle, I have become negative and a burden to be around apparently because all of my relationships have dissintergrated. SO I am feeling less despairage but reality is reality....I am alone and have completely destroyed my life both emotionally & financially and my physical strength n health is deteriating too..... If something were to happen to mom ( a facility or the end), I would not be able to assume or qualify for the mortage on our home and would lose it after nine years and counting of hard labor (that was the agreement the house would go to me for taking care of her) but we didn't plan things very well. I also have tax n some other debts 20k that I have ignored....and messed up some of moms finances too....I am horrible with money! I have no aptitude for it but I am very smart person, I just don't get it how I keep screwing things up! And the house is falling apart literally, we have a gaping hole in the roof a sinkhole in the yard, recurring plumbing issues, water heater is about to fall thru the floor and my yard is waste high in weeds n grass...mower n weedeater both took a crap and with mom broken hip, I had to let the yard go!
That rant is meant to say Every aspect of things are a mess right now and we barely make it month to month... I cant pay for therapy, respite, and all these things/help I need. Today I wonder where in the hell do I start! How do I begin to put my life back together. I need some help with this WHERE DO I START, WHAT DO I DO???
And if something were to happen to me, if I was in an accident, sick, or god forbid had some kind of heart attack or stroke what would happen to mom and our beloved pet family! No one calls or visits us. just the county provided couple hours of respite tues am and thurs pm. Mom n pets would sit here starving in her waste till respite arrived which could be several days! All these things are so overwhelming right now....how to fix this complete mess! K thanks for reading and I need help/ideas God bless you all, 1 love!!
Honestly except for a hospital stay I have had maybe about 5 times that I had more than 3 hrs off in the nine years and it has been at least 3 ys since last time. and been alone all of the time, just mom n dogs to talk too and they don't answer back, conversate, lol ...I may be too far gone to do this myself I think I really need help! Physical help!
Juju, check with the state aging commission and there might be some free services available to you. Can the doctor put mom in a rehab since her hip is broken? Medicare should cover that cost. Find out if there is a comunity aid program through a local church or civic group that might be able to help you with fixing the house and mowing the lawn. You might even want to check at the high school and see if anyone is trying to get volunteer hours to look good on college applications. You should be able to apply for food stamps if you have no income. Lastly, check with the United Way and in some areas they have financial and legal advice, I don't know if you will get any results from these suggestions, but maybe this will point you in the right direction to feel you are working towards your future. Keep venting!!!
Good news, I am finally showered and dressed after a four day crying stint in my jammies! boy does this feel good! Now to tackle Mothers day tomorrow it is such a bittersweet holiday for me! Happy to do something for my momma but sad she has no clue, well deep down she does, im sure, she is just not able to share it with me! And sad that i do not have children. I didn't choose that, shit just happens or not in my case! But I will do the best i can to make our day nice tomoro!!! Which may mean just not crying, lol, i'll take it!!! Hope you all enjoy your day too!!!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Happiness always.
lovbob
I know what you all are saying about mothers. If my mom had not developed Alz, I would still be having limited contact with her. I wish she would have been willing to take an antidepressant years ago.
"You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer”.
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge says,
"You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"
The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom.....
“Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes But no more
outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"
Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for 15 years I've
lived next door to that asshole, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer,
he said he didn't have one!"
Someone a Bastard
A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole
when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.
The first said that he usually played alone, but
agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first few holes.
The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched,
how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting,
but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes
with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the
second guy was busy counting his $80.00.
He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring
course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish
Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to
return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair
and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You
keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make
it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on
Sunday and make a donation......And, if you want
To, bring your mother and father along,
I'll marry them”.
How are you feeling?
haha I was saying amen to the anti depressants. Would have changed so many of our lives.
Better living through chemistry.
lovbob
lovCuz
Welcome to the home of Vent and Live Jujubean!
I sincerely hope that you can find a place for your mom. What you are dealing with is unjust and a killer.
There's links on this site that can help you find the right situation that will work for you in Oregon.
I quit my job and moved in with my mom and I still acknowledge it today as the biggest mistake of my life. I got so much support from the caregivers on this site. My mom is gone now and it's important to me to continue to be here for those like you who are imprisoned by Dementia.
Let's figure out a way for you to get your life back!
Hope everybody is doing as well as they can with the hands that they have been dealt.
love you Cuz,
love you all more than you know,
lovbob
Thank you again everyone! It is helpful to vent! God Bless you all!
I love that your mom is calling you pretty girl. Hang on to that but I know it doesn't make it any easier to deal with the entire picture.
Don't let anyone or yourself guilt you either. This is insane and you know it on a deep level and that's why you're upset about it.
Palmer! Welcome and yup it's soul killing for sure. Keep venting.
Mom would just drool on me, then laugh her ass off. ohyeah.
Jen and Flex and everybody!
Where's Deef? worried sick about her. Jen! do you know anything?
Cuz! how are you feeling after that smack-up?
Keep writing you guys. It will save your life.
lovbob
A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Hamad , tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
Hamad replied, "Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
And the house is falling apart literally, we have a gaping hole in the roof a sinkhole in the yard, recurring plumbing issues, water heater is about to fall thru the floor and my yard is waste high in weeds n grass...mower n weedeater both took a crap and with mom broken hip, I had to let the yard go!
That rant is meant to say Every aspect of things are a mess right now and we barely make it month to month... I cant pay for therapy, respite, and all these things/help I need.
Today I wonder where in the hell do I start! How do I begin to put my life back together. I need some help with this WHERE DO I START, WHAT DO I DO???
K thanks for reading and I need help/ideas
God bless you all, 1 love!!