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And ditto to cattails, praying for you n yours!
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oh one more thing...yes i also made a dr's appt. while back 3 months waiting list for low cost healthcare clinic...this should be coming up in June sometime. Maybe some anti depressants will help, not sure what they can do bout all the back neck n arm pain tho...I am not into painkillers they make me vomit! I just saw an add for Cymbalta, a non narcotic P.K., hmmm??? NP just sed last time ice n heat...heck i don't have time for that! I am struggling just to keep us fed n clothed! I read another gals thread about the same as me, alone, she is barely functioning the basics also and cannot find time n energy to "fix or get help with things" Her dr was going to hospitalize her for exhaustion. anyway, she now found a friend to help her thru and prioritize what to do, make lists/goals and help execute them! i was envious That is really what i need, just some physical help getting in the right direction. someone to go thru all this stuff with me (that has been piling up for years)!
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Hey there Juju,
That is exactly what I am talking about. Write On.

Writing or reading about what we are going through even with variations we realize our stories are mostly the same.

Caregiving has the potential to kill us and we subconsciously know that with what our bodies and minds are telling us. We have been left alone to deal with what should Take a Village, ahem, and that's why we're angry and making ourselves sick.

We love our moms, dads and spouses but doing this alone isn't an option anymore. We have learned that it takes three people to care for one Dementia patient and when we ignore that hard learned lesson we get angry and sick and can shorten our lives by years.

This site and its collective threads are many of the journals we are keeping and msdaizy is correct, writing it out is a healing step.

Here are the diaries of lone caregivers struggling to do the impossible.

OK, I took a break from writing for a moment to search for more info about how long it can take to recover from an acute case of 'compassion' and this is what I found:

Please keep in mind that this was written for Professional Caregivers and NOT Family Caregivers.
Pros get to go home at night and have the opportunity to leave it all behind and they find more and more that they CAN'T!

The Family Caregiver is stuck 24/7/365 so whatever the pro is feeling, the family caregiver has it in spades....

The topic is Compassion Fatigue.

Stress: The nonspecific response of the human organism to any demand placed upon it.  
Suffering: A state of severe distress associated with events that threaten the intactness of the person.  
Compassion: Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.  
Compassionate Mission:
Any endeavor by individuals, groups of individuals or organizations of alleviate the suffering of others.  
Compassion Fatigue:
1) A state of tension and preoccupation with the individual or cumulative trauma of clients as manifested in one or more ways including re-experiencing the traumatic event, avoidance/numbing of reminders of the event, and persistent arousal.
2) The natural consequence of stress resulting from caring for and helping traumatized or suffering people or animals.
Burnout: a state associated with stress and hassles involved in your vocation.

The writer, Rev. Samuel Wood, made a 'menu of misconceptions':

1. I will “fix” the problem…make everything O.K… save the world…
2.  I am responsible for outcomes.
3.  If I care enough, everything will be O.K.
4.  The sufferer/victim will appreciate everything I do for them.
5. I will have enough resources (time, money, material, skills and training) to fix things.
6. Significant people in my life will support and approve my
absence from our relationship while I invest in this compassionate mission.
7.  I know what I’m getting into.
8.  I can do it alone.
9.  If I’m spiritual enough, I can deal with the stress of working with suffering people.

Here are the 'Phases' that the compassionate caregiver goes through:

The Zealot Phase
The Irritability Phase
The Withdrawal Phase
The Zombie Phase
Pathology vs. Renewal/Maturation

Skipping ahead I found a great statement about Sleep:

Sleep Disruption is a key symptom of Compassion Fatigue.
When a care giver’s sleep pattern is disrupted for an extended period of time, this is a key warning sign that something is wrong. If normal sleep patterns aren’t reestablished, this combined with other symptoms may indicate that the caregiver is developing “Compassion Fatigue”.

Once again, this was written for professionals but most certainly can be applied to all caregivers of all stripes.


Kuli Girl!! So good to see you.

DEEF!!! Hope your shoulder is feeling better.

Jen! What's the news with the play?

Austin! What's going on? What cool things have you been able to do with your new squeeze? That you can talk about...

Diane! Thanks so much for checking in.

Shirley! I have thought about Kid a lot and imagined the amazing world you were able to give him. So sweet.

Hey there Cat!

Everybody! I wonder about Stormy and Connor and Linda and everyone who has spent time here on the Grossed Out thread.

Today is the anniversary of my mom's death.
Thank you guys again for helping me get this far.

lovbob
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Bobbi, hope the anniversary of your Mom's passing, is pleasant memories of good times.
Diane, thanks for checking in, your Mom must have been in the Marine Corp too. Your a great daughter, and your Mom is so lucky to have you with her.
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Thanks bob! I was gonna hop back on to say I felt bad for being envious of others hope n progress! But now just from ranting it out this morn, feeling better!! Thanks y'all but missed church today will try for eve service or next week, we are just trying a few diff ones every week to see if we find one we like!! church is new, n I kinda forgot it was Sunday AM today, it all blurs together, lol!!!!
Thanks everyone, juju!
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OH SHOOT, Bob I hit enter too fast.. YOU are in my thoughts and prayers today! Hope your day is embraced by all the love here and in your "home" and you find happy joyful memories to carry you thru this day!!!
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play forwarded to group that only produced women play writes, be a while yet.

Yes cat, I felt pet sounded weird, but I didn't know what other word to use and "horsey" seemed doofy. Semantics. I was expressing my sympathy as understand it, of having smaller animals loved and lost in my life, that's why I added "friend"...



Thinking of you Diane it won't be long now and your mom will be at peace. Jen
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Bobbie - big hugs to you on the anniversary of your mom's death. I know it gets easier with time but time seems to go so slowly sometimes. Diane - you must get your strength from your mom. Just keep loving her while you can. Love to all ~ Kuli
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Good luck with your play Jen. You're such a gifted writer.
I did think of Kid as my friend, companion, buddy, he was a lot like a big dog, If he had been a dog, then he would have been a pet friend, etc. I think people think of horses as still being for working. But, not as many horses have jobs anymore. Kid and I covered a lot of trails, and he seemed to enjoy seeing new places as much as I did.
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Hello Crew,

I just woke up to a text from Diane time stamped 5:44am:

Mom passed away a few minutes ago.

She just now texted that hospice is there doing the medical/legal stuff.

lovbob
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Diane and family, my prayers and love go out to you! May you find peace and comfort! You are special angel and she was blessed to have you!!!!
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Don't have much to say today, just wanted to say Hi!

Oh I was reading about music and its therapeutic values. I need to use this one! I always was the type to enjoy and keep current with music, it was a big part of my life, and my "go to" when down!!!. One of my favorite things to do is watch live music!! Since moving from a big city to li'l country town with ma, music has slowly went by wayside along with other things, couldn't get any radio up here, too much work to download n make playlists for me now and just not many venues/options. I recently discovered and will use Pandora radio thru the computer! Just type a few artist names you like and they pic the similar style music and stream it for you, love it!!
So I thought I would work on cleaning up my desk today, I've got a pile of mail and crap to go thru. I am going to need to start dealing with things, need some work space! Taking a (baby) step to resolve this hell should help my mood!

Thanks everyone for being here!!!!
love n peace,
Juju
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we have such a battle getting her to eat dinner on her own now but when dessert come she has no problem demolishing that! So last nite I had to give her a hard time about it. I sed fun lovingly "now how can u manage to eat all this cake with no help and you cant manage to eat your dinner, hmmmmmm.....something is fishy here"
She just giggled and came back with something like..".oh you know why, cake is good stuff" sometimes the simple stuff just cracks me up, she can be so cute!!! or is my cooking that bad???
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Bobbie: Thanks for letting us know about Diane's mom passing. I wish we could be with her in person. Sending love and wishes of comfort.

Jen: Good luck with the play.

Juju: Don't forget to breathe. Deep breaths. One baby step at a time on clean up and organization. Pick one task and get it done. Hugs.
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May God be with you!! I agree ! One day,one step at a time! My heart goes out to you...
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Peace to Diane and her mom and loved-ones....
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Flex~Sending you healing comfort and peace for you and your family.
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Diane, thinking of you. Don't know a what to say. I know it can be so conflicting, relief that it is over, your Mom is no longer in any pain, or has any worries. But, still wishing we had more time, could go back to before they got sick. Try to take care of yourself. You need time to heal. Love Shirley
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Flex you and your family are in our prayers tonight. She now is pain free and you have many many memories.
luvCuz
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my condolences for the sudden death of one of the members loved one here. my bullshit pales in comparison but i have a need to apologise for getting shitfaced last week and calling the folks on this thread a clique. sorry, i was out of line and ill informed as i havent visited this thread often enough to make that allegation.
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meanwhile - so sorry that ur horse kid laid down and went to the other side . kid sure lived a good long time and enjoyed life with you for many years . big hugs to u meanwhile . u sure have a big kind heart . love u meanwhile ...
flex - extra big hugs to u ...
capnhardass - u make me smile . hope ur face is clean free now , maybe water headin for u face be extra nicer than shit .. ure forgivin and big hugs to u .
sorry i havent been here for a while now . i am ok . same old shit here , pains and aches . dr upped the antidepresions and it seems to lift my crappy ass moods up some . i am weaning off some pain meds . since dr upped the meds and my body is feeling better and dont need half of those meds anymore . i just dont want to ache anymore . soo sick of it ....
my sister in law gave me a necklist with pa s birthstone on it and a heart shape with pa s fingerprint on it ! i told her that heart shape is me ! christina calls me linda hearts and everywhere i go i always spot a heart here there . few yrs ago i saw tons of heart shape in the sand at the beach , and a ice melted and it was a shape of a heart ! it was on moms birthday , so that s telling me mom is sending me messages ,, mom has been gone for 23 yrs now . christina s right i am linda hearts ,,, few weeks ago i was walking and spotted a rock , shape of a heart ! i brought it home and put it in my flower bed .
you all take care and please just smile and enjoy life as u can . laugh if ur elders begin a pain in the ass . just be carefree and smile alot . it will make ur job easier . id do it again if my pa s here . my pa would be frowin and groucy , i d smile and tickle him whats wrong pa !! show my teeth and smile as big as i can , hug him and kiss him onthe neck . ohh he loves it , makes him feel he is loved .. i miss my pa . i dont miss the part where he lays in bed daily after daily , too depressing to watch him whilter away . i miss the days where he could crawl in the van and we go bye bye . jam the don williams musci or pasty cline . watch him smile and enjoying the view , drive around and stop at wendys , oh i miss those days . now i know he s even more happier up in heaven . maybe pasty cline is singing to him right now . :-) .
love you all !! xoxo
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Diane-Many hugs to you! Thinking of you and praying for you and your family.
Wish I could be there to help you or just hug you in person!

Meanwhile, so sorry about your buddy, Kid! The unconditional love we get from animals is like no other! I didn't realize horses lived into their 30's! What a blessing to have such a great friend!

Bobbie, I hope you got through the anniversary of your mom's death with peace. Hugs to you lady! Thank you for all the information you put on this site for us. That menu of misconceptions should be given to anyone thinking about going into caregiving! Altho-had I read that 9 years ago, I never would have believed it!
Juju-I love the idea of suggesting the President etc read this site to see what caregiving is really about! I have thought about sending links to certain family members to have them read it!! I have sent the link to a couple friends who are thinking of caring for their parent...not to talk them out of it necessarily-just so they will be aware.
Capn-we all have our days-thanks for apologizing for yours!
Linda-love your memories! I am sure your mom is talking to you through those hearts!
Hey Jen, Sharynmarie, Kuli, Cuz & Cat and everyone else out there! Yea-Deef and Stormy have not been here in a while! Miss you!
Welcome-Horserider, Parnelli & Jeanen! Chime in, vent-we'll be here!
Mom is good, but much more confused in the morning. We didn't make it to the Dr last week cause the humidity was too high to take her out. Her appt is rescheduled for today & it is nice out. Perfect day to take her out. Later this week it will get more hot and humid! May have to reconsider daycare-but we will try and get there!
Our niece got married this weekend and it was lovely! We had a really good time out with my hubby's family. Both my boys made the wedding so it was really special. We danced together and had some good laughs! The mother of the groom saw me at the brunch the next morning and says "There's the dancing machine!" HA! I love to dance-so yes, I was on the dance floor all night! I learned at the last wedding what dance steps to avoid for the sake of my knees-so I could walk the next day! I was remembering back when being an aunt or uncle was new and exciting...now I realize we are the older generation where we are not expected to be dancing all night at weddings! Kind of slapped me in the face this weekend-but a right of passage too. Feeling content about it all today.
Continuing saga-Altho my smarmy email on Valentine's night has lost me a friendship with a sister in law-(email was to my brothers not her!) I guess my point was heard about my brothers coming to see or calling mom on holidays! 4 out of 5 brothers showed up here yesterday to visit mom!!! Maybe it wasn't too much to ask?! HA! Some people have to control their spouses to keep their own lives working the way they want them...but I do believe a little reminder that a spouse also has a family of his own that he came from isn't a bad thing. SIL decided it was too much and has cut me off from her (and we were pretty close) but in the end, bro is visiting more. So, I will take the loss for mom's sake cause in the end, this is better for her. :)
So, hugs to everyone out there reading! Unofficial start of summer is upon us! Maybe some sun will help us all where we are-physically and psychologically! Hope your week is a decent one! Mame
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Hey Linda! Good to see you.
Hey Hardass thanks for the apology.
Hey Mame thanks for the nice post.
Hey Everyone!

ok, I have a serious question:

Why is it that when you have your hand on top of the blanket the Cat won't try and kill it but as soon as it is UNDER the blanket the Cat will slice and dice it?

Will check in later. Going out to get some Neosporin.

lovbob
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Mame~Good for you for starting a fire under your sibs butts. Apparently your sil was not as close as you thought or she would have understood. I leave it up to my husband to deal with his family and he is really pretty good about. I have manipulated a time or two...an example is I bought my husband tickets for a triple A baseball team in the city 30 minutes from us...my intentions were for him to like the games and spend more time with our son (when he lived here) and his dad. It worked. Now he buys a partial season pass of a certain # of games and takes his dad or his brother (our son doesn't live close enough to go now). That is how I manipulate. Whether his father and brother understand that or not I don't know. I personally do not like the games because they are soooooooo slow. I will give in and go to a couple over the summer since my hubby is so good about doing some things with me that I like. You did good by sending that email!!!
Bobbie~What fun is there in a visible hand as to one that is moving under the covers, LOL!!! Sorry you got sliced and diced :=( !
CapnHardass~You are not the first to have that impression, but glad you realized it was wrong. These ladies and gents have been posting to each other for a long time and as a result, they have developed a real friendship with each other. I don't post often enough to develop that friendship but I do respect it.

As you know, I am out on FMLA for 4 weeks. Today I have lunch with mom, did all the usual stuff with her...a shower and shampoo, change the sheets, gather up all her dirty laundry so I can do it at home. We walked the dog...however, poor Midget (mom's poodle) is not adjusting to assisted living. She left in the apartment from 8:30-6pm alone. Although the aides are walking her throughout the day, Midget is having accidents in the apartment. I bought a potty patch but honestly, I don't have the time to train her to use it and even if I did, how can I get mom to pick up the potty patch using both hands on each end of it so that pee does not dribble out on the carpet and place it on the balcony during the day??? The community is doing everything they can on their end as I am, but lets face it, they are not dog sitters. Alas, I think we are going to have to remove Midget. There is an opening in the memory care unit which will make it easier for the aides to access Midget and it costs less to have mom living there than in assisted living even though she is adjusting. It looks like we are going to move mom to the memory care unit, however, they will only give Midget 2 weeks to adjust. I am debating whether I want to try to acclimate Midget to my cat while I am off so that mom can see her often or if I let my brother take her, which means mom won't see her as often. My brother has so much going on in his life supporting his wife with the loss of her son and his own health issues. Any suggestions on this??? Midget is comfortable with me and she does love me, but can I get my 8 year old kitty to accept her and Midget to accept the cat. Taking Midget away from my mom is definitely going to cause her to decline, I know I can't control that...but I want to make her as comfortable as possible. How I hate these decisions and this disease.
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Hey whaddya mean you don't post enough to have that friendship..??
You've nailed boat time haven't you? Any post that ends with 00...

You sure do post enough and when folks hang out for awhile it's great. Some will hang out and then lurk for months and months and then post again and some just move on to another space in time and some come in and out and we are here with the light on.

It's all good but please know that we would consider you and any like minded more than twice poster old or new a friend.

And, I went to a Dodgers game in LA and there's more action watching dough rise.
I had more fun watching the guy I was with eat 5 Dodger Dogs.

OK, midge the dog. and clawshank the cat.
can you do a test run and see if they have a shot at it?

If you are saying that you like the dog and the dog likes you and you know the cat is going to hate anything that has 4 legs so how about a test run and make sure you have a big spray container of water.
You might not even need it and the cat always heads for high ground when things go south..

Video tape it and post it to youtube. Oh please.

lovbob
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Sharynmarie: You are my sister always. We don't have to post to each other all the time to feel and care for them.

Cats are a wicked group. I had one that use to love to lay in bed with me while I read at night. When we got our Sheltie, Kate, (just a baby) she needed to be on the bed too. The cat would look at her and Kate would start to sweat, in a figurative way of speech, then the cat would leap, throw her arms around Kate's neck and chew on her eyebrow. Kate would stay absolutely still with her eyes wide. Once "Precious" released her grip, Kate would spring off the bed and just run and run, then back up she would come. Just had to get all that anxiety out. Of course, the cat would be above it all, just calmly waiting for the dog to come back and do it all over again.

And there is nothing like a hand under the blanket to get a cat it kill mode. Hope you are healing, Bobbie.
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Bobbie~LOL!! I mean that I haven't gotten to know all you very well. You have all been very supportive of me and for that I will always be grateful. I think I have decided that I will give Midget the Squidget a fair trial. I have to admit I love the little critter and I know how much she means to mom. I thank you all for for accepting me, it means so much and I am getting emotional like I always do, but thank you so much!!♥ I will bring over Midgets cage tomorrow and start introducing her to my Tiger Kitty. Thank you Bobbie and Cat, I appreciate more that your know!!♥♥
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Sharynmarie: You are not over emotional. You are just perfect the way you are.
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Bobbie: I think I posted about the baby owl we saved. He was in a very large cage while recovering and growing, but sometimes we would let him roost in the house on a plant stand that he loved. When we would go upstairs to bed, he would fly up the stairway and down the hall to our room. You comment about moving your hand under the blankets made me think of him. My DH would get into bed and then wiggle his toes under the blankets. Baby (the owl) would swoop down on his toes, like it was a mouse in the grass. OMG, such a precious creature. It's amazing to me how much we can bond with the oddest little creatures and they with us. Baby eventually went to a rehab place for barn owls. I'm sure he did beautifully as this place made sure they could learn to hunt and survive.

Sorry to go on. Love to all, Cat.
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My cat CLEO wants to use my head as a pillow for her ass and lay facing,my feet..not gonna happen...
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