Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Cant sleep tonite omg I got started on some you tube videos called "my last days" documentaries on terminally ill amazing people, good grief the waterworks are a flowing!! I have to share the story of the poodles just cuz yesterday brought up some more emotional craaapppp!! I think how we lost Zoe really hurt me a lot! Maybe I can heal that one up a bit! Zeke we lost early on, he was always a sickly little boy, he had auto=immune disorders…I had him in the vet on a monthly basis it seems…anyway…he had been doing good for a while and one day I was playing with him and his belly seemed swollen, next day more so..i made an vet appt that week he was seen and she was alarmed made emergency appt for more skilled vet next am….nevertheless his internal organs were wrought with growths 80%, really wasn’t much hope for him, but he wasn’t uncomfortable. That Friday we took him home till it was time. by Sunday he was grunting and moaning in discomfort…so I had a farwell bbq nite and had determined he would go to heaven as soon as the vet opened Monday! Love you lil zeke…my only regret is I let u eat too many hotdog bites Sunday nite and you were more uncomfortable (the neighbor told me anyway)! Zoe we had while longer and she was the rough one! April 11 2011, was getting ma up one morning and as Zoe’s duty was to be no farther than a foot from ma…she was right there with us in the bathroom. Mom was holding on to sink as usual as I cleaned her bottom…forgot trashcan so went 6 ft to grab it and she fainted in that time. Down she went I grabbed for her but it was too late… I assessed the situation and saw lil zoe square under her fanny, I picked her up but her eyes were fixed and gone…as I did the blood just gushed from her mouth….i freaked and just ran in circles thru the house with her in my hands trying to find a phone or what idk, check on ma, without her knowing what just happened. Called the caregiver “help I need you…Mom FALL BLOOD ZOE DEAD was all I could get out. I finally figured out I need to get to ma.. I set the dog in a towel on porch n got mom assessed and help arrived, they were beside themselves n nauseated by the amount of blood too….they got her buried for me, and helped get ma situated, but couldn’t even help to much with the clean up!! It was one of the big traumatic moments in my life, it disturbs me to this day, there was so much freakin blood everywhere, from such a lil thing, I can see now how someone cant cover up a murder, lol I found spatter weeks later so many places. N I was seriously disturbed for a week all I could see is this scene, like it was flashing on a big screen tv on repeat, in my mind! Oh lord, it was a rough time!!! There is a stain that developed on the hardwood, due to that I believe, that has kinda been a reminder but not too bad! I was just thankful mom wasn’t hurt seriously, she did compress some discs, but recovered well….and she did not even know what happened to Zoe except when she asked why I was balling (uncontrollably) I just sed we lost our dear sweet Zoe recently, n she would try to comfort me!!! God bless this disease for these things…she never really mourned dad either…she knew but didn’t get the full picture! Poor caregiver, when I called her, thought mom was dead, we had a laff bout that later! I Remember we couldn’t go anywhere with them cause it would take sooo long we have to stop every few steps for everyone who wanted to love on those cute li’l dogs! Dad used to get frustrated but I think he kinda liked the attention!!!
Thanks you guys for putting up with me n my keyboard!!
Sorry that was long and depressing...I cant find a darn delete button!!!!!
I try to remember she went instantly and standing by her mama's side!!! So glad she did not suffer, not even a yipe!!!
I do feel like I posting too much but so much has been going on and bottled up for years, many many years in some cases, I just need to get it out (to folks who understand)!!!I I feel like a damn lunatic, I'm sure I will mellow out, sooner hopefully!!! And as I sed b4 kinda small circle kinda girl..i find something I like and stick with it...omg I have ordered same thing a TacoBELL my whole adult life and when I waiver I am always disappointed lol!!
started this morning collecting snippets I have left everywhere here to put together the story of our family' struggle, I think it will be really therapeutic to put it all together in a story form and beginning journaling too!!!
Anyway everyday I feel better it is amazing, we have a long way to go but happy on the rite path now..just hope it is not too late for me...I know mom will be fine cause she comes first!!!
Have a wonderful weekend you all, supposed to be sunny n nice here!!
OK lastly if you are up to it and can I would recommend googling the Doc series and song by one of the stars "My last days" and the song "clouds" I only got thru Zack Shane n Juli... it was so INSPIRING, yet tearjerker" really knocks one off their "pity pot" so to speak! Gosh what am I complaining about!!! One thing a common thread that made me sad was the strong healthy family bonds...we never had that.... it is key to grounding oneself I am sure contributes to living in the positive!
Juju, sorry about your little dog. Nothing you could have done though, it was just an accident. I spent all day looking for the house cat. He likes to go outside and hang out in the front yard in the mornings. He is usually back in an hour, ready to sleep in the house all day. This morning he disappeared, finally showed up about 8 pm. Cats! I was looking in trees, under the bushes, he is getting kind of old, don't really know how old. Step Dad will be 81 on Monday, going to make him a sugar free chocolate pie, and fix some shrimp for dinner tomorrow. Bless his heart, he was up on my roof this morning helping Indio fix the evaporative cooler. It needed a new motor, and Indio could have put it on by himself, but before I could stop him Dad was up the ladder. Had to see what was going on. Normally, I would have been on the roof too, but still have my velcro cast. Last check up looked good on the X-ray, but have to wear the cast another month (sigh!). Already worn it 2 months now. This is the longest I've gone without riding a horse in years. Hope; everyone is having a good weekend. Love Shirley
Sorry Bobbie...I totally see what you are talking about now. Hahahaha...that's so funny. I thought wow...what did I do? Now that I reread that...I understand. But I can be one at times...I just keep that side of me hidden from all of you. Don't want you to get the wrong impression. Just kidding. Thanks for clearing that up with me. God Bless. Debbie.
Juju~you story of the little dog reminded me of a time as a child (on my birthday). My sister had a couple different pet gold mantel squirrels...when it was legal to have them in the 1960's. She would let them run through our bedroom. As I got off my bed, I stepped on it and killed it. I think it was the last one she had too because it became illegal own them as pets because of the plague. I was horrified at what I had done because I knew how much her little squirrel meant to her. I am sorry you experienced a similar accident.
Meanwhile~Sorry you have to wear the cast another month. It does get old especially in the warm whether. My daughter broke a bone in her foot in her senior year in HS, she had to wear a walking cast for 4 months, including during the grad ceremony. It sure took a long time for one little bone to heal.
Sis and I sorted through mom's things today. We boxed up all her clothes, some clothes we will put in the estate sale. I am calling it an estate sale because so far it looks like no one in the family wants any of her furniture. We also went through her china cabinet, it is mostly filled with tea cups and saucers that she got from a dearly loved family couple (they were the closest people in my life similar to grandparents). They came to the U.S. from Canada so all these tea cups/saucers are from England, I am sure "H" bought these at different shops in Canada when she visited. Some of these will go to my sister's daughters. I just don't have space for it at my house. Tomorrow we will meet up again to go through more stuff in the house. We still have the storage room, the attic and a tool shed to go through. We had Midget with us pretty much all day, got mom another shower and will see her again tomorrow. My brother emailed me...his step son has still not been cremated because of repairs, his mil will be moving in with them (she has lung cancer and is not responding to chemo) plus his lung disease (interstitial lung disease) is causing him lots of problems...they did a ct scan because drs. are concerned it may be getting worse (he was told in the beginning that it was not fatal and was manageable with steroids), it could be because we are having an unusual year with allergies too. He will get results this month. He has been dealing with lots of stress with his step son passing away too and all this can make his breathing difficult but he is close to being put on oxygen. Hang in there everyone, I hope the weekend is relaxing as it can be for everyone!!
Thanks you guys! I know overall I am ok, accidents happen....it was just you don't expect it in the bathroom...and all the blood. It was more PTSD than any guilt it think... I mean hit by a car makes odd sense but...anyway.... But guilt..oh that's the time I boiled ma's cockatiel..1984..she gave it to me to train for her and I had him on my shoulder while I was cooking...he spooked and flew strait into range hood and plopped in a pot of boiling water like going down a slide. I actually scooped him out damn quick but didn't know what to do with him so he suffered for a while! We can laff now but poor guy...demised by a pot of spaghetti noodles!! I am serious you cant make this stuff up, lol!!!
Gah juju you have had some serious bad luck with critters there!
mom was making fp dinner tonight and started a fire in the micro wave...whole house still reeks of smoke...God we are getting to a real real bad place here I think....
Sharyn- was thinking of a project maybe for those tea cups, I have got my eye on....collecting old tecup sets and making candles..just float a wick and a lil wax and Voila kinda nice to maybe distribute among family and bonding project...idk just a thought...egad I cant sleep again! k roger that. over n out!
OK, trying to stay out of the black hole here. Just seems nothing is going right. UGH. I am questioning (God) the reasons a demented 87 year old lady is still living. What does she need to learn-or am I supposed to be learning from her? Or is it my siblings that need to learn something? What is the value of a life so sad/old/never going to get better/hopeless? There is a reason for all this right? Feeling rather low and without purpose...no light at the end of the tunnel. At least raising children you know they will grow up... I am sure most of you get to this place at times. And, when she does die-how horrible am I going to feel for feeling this way now? And, am I going to miss her? And wish I had her back and be mad at the time I wasted wishing things were different? I already miss who she was. But I can't imagine missing the dementia and caregiving. Ugh.
Got out yesterday to our local field days to see the parade with my 8yr old niece. Was so nice to be out in the world. Hubby just asked me-"do you ever notice that the day after you have gotten out you are extremely unhappy about your life?" Yea, honey, I get that....I had that taste of freedom and companionship and seeing new things.... And now, I realize what I push down and try to forget about on a daily basis so I don't go insane....and it makes me angry and depressed! I should be happy I got out. And I am-it was fun. But it does make this harder to deal with at times. Juju-I am soooo sorry about your dog. What a horrible story. I had to read it to my husband. And to prove to you all I am going insane, I laughed the whole time I was reading it that my eyes were watering! You are right-you cannot make that up... Sorry about your bird too. omg. And sorry to you too Sharynmarie about the squirrel... So sad. Meanwhile-I was shaking my head at your stepdad at 80 on the roof-but I have a neighbor who is 89 and still climbs the ladders to clean gutters etc. He is so independent and will not let anyone else do it! Crazy! Jen-hopefully fp will let you open the windows to get the fire/smoke smells out and you can get rid of a little of his stink too???? The teacups thing reminded me of something I saw a pic of and am going to do. I somehow accumulated a lot of tea pots over the years. I am going to put dirt in them and flowers and then find some sort of strong string or fishing wire and hang them around my deck....(I think the string goes thru the spout and around the handle somehow) The pic I saw had them hanging on a railing going down a long staircase outside and it was really pretty. I thought I could hang them all different lengths to make it look cool. Maybe I will put pansy's in them. Anyway....thanks for being here for me. Needed it today for sure! Mame
Oh Mame- I couldn't agree with you more if I had sed it myself! I love this place! but getting out in the sun today....I have sed enuf for a while, lol.... I know your all going "halleleujuh she is gonna shut up" just kidding but ???
FUN FACT: Getting angry at the sound of someone chewing or breathing is an actual brain disorder "Misophonia"
Juju, At least you weren't under the bedspread. This Cat, Able Seacat First Class, Clawshank the Decimator, peed on ME, the little f%cker. About a year and a half ago while finishing up at my mom's house. Damn.
Juju, keep writing it out. Not only is it good for you but it's good for others as well.
msdaizy! ok, warn me when you are about to go HA (hardass). That sounds a lot like a nuclear pile going critical.
Mame!! avoid the hole! I get that you question why.
I submit that there is no why. There is no reason whatsoever. It just is. Some say, things happen for a reason- and whatever comforts them works for me.
Personally, I don't think that there's a reason for most things (chaos theory) and that has brought me a lot of comfort. Instead of wondering what lessons I have to learn or what this situation means, I just try my best to accept what it is and bring about positive change wherever I can. So if the situation sucks I can figure my way out of it. If it sucks, it sucks and screw the imaginary lessons, IMHO. What can we do to make this better?
The more depressed we are the less change we can cause to happen and that's what drives us deeper into depression.
I don't think of myself as a sinner or deserving of guilt or any of that other negative stuff. I just am.
When I was caregiving mom at one time I was so angry that I saw myself spitting in her open grave. I couldn't justify the crap I had had to deal with between my mom and her sister and now this?? After getting done wrong now I am doing this?
That 'spitting' image would float before my eyes every once in awhile and I would not care and I didn't feel any guilt. I still don't.
All that was was my resentment and anger manifesting itself in fantasy. It never happened and when my mom died and we lowered her into her grave I sobbed my eyes out because I loved her and had loved her all along, no matter what. She knew it too and I knew that she loved me.
But, I wasn't going to feel guilty for being human. Not one shred. My mom got treated like a queen but I almost killed myself.
See, that's why we question and we become angry and we get resentful. We know it's not right. It's not just.
I hate to beat a dead horse here, but I think we need to be reminded that we have to get help and lots of it. Caregivers need respite and a lot of it and it takes a damn village to care for people.
Well said Bobbie! There have been things I have gone through and it wasn't until I got through the other side that I could see where I personally needed to change how I react. I took that to mean...that was my lesson. However, not every situation has a reason, it is just life happening around us. We get through it the best we can, doing the best we can. A village task force!! Take care.
I just have to say bob..yes I think that too. although I want to do this outta love for my mother. I sometimes find my self angry..why...why should have sacrificed myself to clean up a mess I was born into...but did not create! It is not my problem that they could not plan for the future! Now their nitemare is my nitemare...my future is in jeopardy..i don't have a child or any family for that matter, to do this same task for me!! I feel I am trying to create this happy family and home that I could never had before! But It is fruitless...in the end she is dead and I will be ???? I should be saving my own ass and screw this!!!
Yes the depression is a killer in this...cant even tie your shoes some day, it makes one feel inferior to the world! It is impossible to move forward in a depressed state. I have noticed also which is horrible, although I know when I am depressed, I kinda battle the I cant with the you know betters, and that also makes it hard but I also cant see or feel the damage of it till I am coming out of it and that realization is depressing in of itself...the mess you create... This was a long long dark spell and created a damn mess, financially...prior it was only small spells and not bad, just kinda wow I sure couldn't concentrate or be happy for a bit whew, glad that over!!!
And thanks mom n dad for that genetic bonus!!! The battle of the blues!! It makes me laff to say I am probably the highest functioning in my family beside ma in her day! I see ma in me and dad... I do live in this fear that I might become as sick as them one day...guess why I feel I am being judged all the time, I guess I am doing the judging...idk... I don't wanna sound like a rosy eyed nut..but I have to take the lessons this has taught me and hold onto or I would have absolutely nothing positive to hold on to at all....I have learned to be a better compassionate human being, I am learning to forgive rather than question/agonize over something. I value that!!! I could say o whole page here of things ive learned but I wont!!! OK Everyone thanks and hang in there...
well F$%#K I woke up to message my 5+yr cg/bather, just quit! Wont be here tomorrow. We been having issues, I wanted to get someone else but haven't had the energy, so I guess it is a favor but that is crappy way to do it!
Thanks Bobbie, Sharyn and Juju. Bobbie-thank you for sharing your way of looking at things. Most often-it doesn't occur to me to see things a different way-probably why I am beating my head against a wall all the time! (And so unhappy!) I always said my dad had blinders on and could only see things one way-I thought I was more open minded-but I see I have more blinds to open!! When you wrote "I submit that there is no why. There is no reason whatsoever. It just is" it was a shock but also a relief. Cause you are right-it makes no sense and is so unjust. All my life I have wanted to fight things that aren't fair-and have been in counseling for years trying to figure out why I just can't roll with the punches...just go with it... And in this caregiving life-I really need to just go with it....fighting it-altho just in my head really-is killing me. I just need to let go of they questioning and roll with it. Cause it is what it is-and as you said Juju-the outcome eventually is death. There is no fixing this. No making her better or getting "her" back. And, the end will come when it comes. So often I read little quotes about changing your attitude or positive thinking...and I can do it for a little while but seem to fall back in the negative too soon. It takes a lot of energy which I don't have at the moment. I will just keep plugging along and I appreciate all of you who are going through or have gone through this sharing and helping me out! On a good note, mom took a 2 hour nap yesterday and I got out in the garden and weeded. I mentally felt so much better after. I really felt like I was insane yesterday. After a swetty 89degrees yesterday, we are down in the 50's today! I have a sweatshirt on! No AC needed today! Cat story-one time-apparently the cat didn't think the litter box was clean enough. I went in to the bathroom to pee and the cat followed me and jumped in the bathtub. (strange) He looked right at me and peed! It was the funniest thing! I guess it was his only way of letting me know I needed to change the cat box since they can't talk! Glad I didn't go in the bedroom or he may have peed on my bedspread! Again-thanks all. Talk to you soon. Mame
Sorry you lost your caregiver help Juju. Hope you can find somebody soon. Every little bit someone else can do for you helps a ton! Too bad so many either can't be relied upon to come on time or even show up some days or they quit... Good luck.
Cats, he is poopin n peeing everywhere, he is old...and yup his box was full so he was letting me know I was slipping! hahaha reminds me tho once I caught him...we were redo'ing a bathroom and the toilet was off, being replaced, I I caught him peeing down the pipe where it used to be, how he figured that out idk....sure was funny!
Caregiver, ya she is sweet good with ma and punctual, I can trust her theft wise, etc.... but young, just doesn't have her heart in the job, cell phone always out, and mom fell when she was taking care of her...that was the last issue I amost fired her right then but stupid social worker talked me out of it, sed it was not right way to do it! So we fell back into our routine and now she quits with no notice ! all for the better i do believe but frustrating! I don't think i would have been able to start a new person out properly till now anyway now that i am beginning to getting my kick ass and take names self back!
Mame thanks and hang in there....it is dark lonely place we live!
Mame! Glad it brought a little help. If you free yourself up from the trying to 'fix' it, you might have enough energy to change it. There are many reasons to change the situation whether they be financial or emotional or whatever. Love you Mame.
Juju, that sux that the cg just quit. hope you cope ok. Hope also that you can call in more help in the house so you are not buried in it. You too Mame!
I know that if I was caregiving and there were other people around they would get a SooPrize. Take advantage when there are other people Mame! Don't ask; Tell! haha. Say: 'This is how this is going to blow down' and tell them what's going to happen and then stick by it. If it's an afternoon so you can go to the movies, then Tell whomever that they are staying home. You can't do it all.
Take mini vacations of a few hours every day and if you do it often enough you won't feel as bad about the crap at home because you know you will be getting out again in a day. Someone has to step up and help you with this insanity or what's the point of having all of these people in your life? So you can only do what they want?
CGvr-I couldn't leave her here with ma, cuz she would just give her a bath and that is it...she has to be fed all the other chores...i give her something to do and when done she sit down n text, so i call her to start another and so on and on and on! you would think after years of doing these chores she would figure out how to do it herself! anyway she is good with ma n punctual, and knows our home n routine well. So i let it go..and actually enjoyed the company!! but to this day i will always wonder if she had phone out when ma fell... I haven't been able to let that one go and have been hypercritical ever since "classic P/A behavior" on my part! So I will start over with someone new!
Bobbie i love your statement "If you free yourself up from the trying to 'fix' it, you might have enough energy to change it". thanks for that yesterday and now...very helpful!!
oh gosh...this has turned into a pissing match this morning with the CGvr.. She wrote a somewhat nasty email in her resignation...so I counterpointed a few things which i shouldn't have even bothered with... I have let it go now, but it has got me a bit frazzled...what a way to start the week, huh? Just let it roll off your back, Juju!!!
Yesterday my mother didn't use her diaper and some of her "excrement" fell onto the carpet. My senile father wiped it up with a dishrag and then put it back on the kitchen sink.
Wow, dryfuss....I have a low threshold on my gag reflex...the last time I took mom to the dr., she kept taking out her partial plate, I would start to gag. I know she can't help it because of the Alzheimer's. I have always been a cat person. Cats just always worked better for my lifestyle because they are not as needy and people dependent as dogs. Now I walk my mom's dog and have to clean up after it, again...I gag as I put on my glove and pick up dog poop in a plastic bag, LOL!! I would not do this for anyone else except a family loved one, but oh is it hard!!
Its amazing what we can tolerate, the poop is no problem for me...it is when she hocks one up and wipes it somewhere's which I surely will unwittingly stick my hand in when I go to help her with something I am done!... it is slimy stuff for me, cutting up a chicken or runny egg whites on a plate will literally bring up the coffee!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
omg sorry you thought that!
lovbob
I have to share the story of the poodles just cuz yesterday brought up some more emotional craaapppp!! I think how we lost Zoe really hurt me a lot! Maybe I can heal that one up a bit!
Zeke we lost early on, he was always a sickly little boy, he had auto=immune disorders…I had him in the vet on a monthly basis it seems…anyway…he had been doing good for a while and one day I was playing with him and his belly seemed swollen, next day more so..i made an vet appt that week he was seen and she was alarmed made emergency appt for more skilled vet next am….nevertheless his internal organs were wrought with growths 80%, really wasn’t much hope for him, but he wasn’t uncomfortable. That Friday we took him home till it was time. by Sunday he was grunting and moaning in discomfort…so I had a farwell bbq nite and had determined he would go to heaven as soon as the vet opened Monday! Love you lil zeke…my only regret is I let u eat too many hotdog bites Sunday nite and you were more uncomfortable (the neighbor told me anyway)!
Zoe we had while longer and she was the rough one!
April 11 2011, was getting ma up one morning and as Zoe’s duty was to be no farther than a foot from ma…she was right there with us in the bathroom. Mom was holding on to sink as usual as I cleaned her bottom…forgot trashcan so went 6 ft to grab it and she fainted in that time. Down she went I grabbed for her but it was too late… I assessed the situation and saw lil zoe square under her fanny, I picked her up but her eyes were fixed and gone…as I did the blood just gushed from her mouth….i freaked and just ran in circles thru the house with her in my hands trying to find a phone or what idk, check on ma, without her knowing what just happened. Called the caregiver “help I need you…Mom FALL BLOOD ZOE DEAD was all I could get out. I finally figured out I need to get to ma.. I set the dog in a towel on porch n got mom assessed and help arrived, they were beside themselves n nauseated by the amount of blood too….they got her buried for me, and helped get ma situated, but couldn’t even help to much with the clean up!! It was one of the big traumatic moments in my life, it disturbs me to this day, there was so much freakin blood everywhere, from such a lil thing, I can see now how someone cant cover up a murder, lol I found spatter weeks later so many places. N I was seriously disturbed for a week all I could see is this scene, like it was flashing on a big screen tv on repeat, in my mind! Oh lord, it was a rough time!!! There is a stain that developed on the hardwood, due to that I believe, that has kinda been a reminder but not too bad!
I was just thankful mom wasn’t hurt seriously, she did compress some discs, but recovered well….and she did not even know what happened to Zoe except when she asked why I was balling (uncontrollably) I just sed we lost our dear sweet Zoe recently, n she would try to comfort me!!! God bless this disease for these things…she never really mourned dad either…she knew but didn’t get the full picture! Poor caregiver, when I called her, thought mom was dead, we had a laff bout that later!
I Remember we couldn’t go anywhere with them cause it would take sooo long we have to stop every few steps for everyone who wanted to love on those cute li’l dogs! Dad used to get frustrated but I think he kinda liked the attention!!!
Thanks you guys for putting up with me n my keyboard!!
I try to remember she went instantly and standing by her mama's side!!! So glad she did not suffer, not even a yipe!!!
I do feel like I posting too much but so much has been going on and bottled up for years, many many years in some cases, I just need to get it out (to folks who understand)!!!I I feel like a damn lunatic, I'm sure I will mellow out, sooner hopefully!!! And as I sed b4 kinda small circle kinda girl..i find something I like and stick with it...omg I have ordered same thing a TacoBELL my whole adult life and when I waiver I am always disappointed lol!!
started this morning collecting snippets I have left everywhere here to put together the story of our family' struggle, I think it will be really therapeutic to put it all together in a story form and beginning journaling too!!!
Anyway everyday I feel better it is amazing, we have a long way to go but happy on the rite path now..just hope it is not too late for me...I know mom will be fine cause she comes first!!!
Have a wonderful weekend you all, supposed to be sunny n nice here!!
I would recommend googling the Doc series and song by one of the stars "My last days" and the song "clouds" I only got thru Zack Shane n Juli...
it was so INSPIRING, yet tearjerker" really knocks one off their "pity pot" so to speak! Gosh what am I complaining about!!!
One thing a common thread that made me sad was the strong healthy family bonds...we never had that.... it is key to grounding oneself I am sure contributes to living in the positive!
Meanwhile~Sorry you have to wear the cast another month. It does get old especially in the warm whether. My daughter broke a bone in her foot in her senior year in HS, she had to wear a walking cast for 4 months, including during the grad ceremony. It sure took a long time for one little bone to heal.
Sis and I sorted through mom's things today. We boxed up all her clothes, some clothes we will put in the estate sale. I am calling it an estate sale because so far it looks like no one in the family wants any of her furniture. We also went through her china cabinet, it is mostly filled with tea cups and saucers that she got from a dearly loved family couple (they were the closest people in my life similar to grandparents). They came to the U.S. from Canada so all these tea cups/saucers are from England, I am sure "H" bought these at different shops in Canada when she visited. Some of these will go to my sister's daughters. I just don't have space for it at my house. Tomorrow we will meet up again to go through more stuff in the house. We still have the storage room, the attic and a tool shed to go through. We had Midget with us pretty much all day, got mom another shower and will see her again tomorrow. My brother emailed me...his step son has still not been cremated because of repairs, his mil will be moving in with them (she has lung cancer and is not responding to chemo) plus his lung disease (interstitial lung disease) is causing him lots of problems...they did a ct scan because drs. are concerned it may be getting worse (he was told in the beginning that it was not fatal and was manageable with steroids), it could be because we are having an unusual year with allergies too. He will get results this month. He has been dealing with lots of stress with his step son passing away too and all this can make his breathing difficult but he is close to being put on oxygen. Hang in there everyone, I hope the weekend is relaxing as it can be for everyone!!
But guilt..oh that's the time I boiled ma's cockatiel..1984..she gave it to me to train for her and I had him on my shoulder while I was cooking...he spooked and flew strait into range hood and plopped in a pot of boiling water like going down a slide. I actually scooped him out damn quick but didn't know what to do with him so he suffered for a while! We can laff now but poor guy...demised by a pot of spaghetti noodles!! I am serious you cant make this stuff up, lol!!!
g-nite
Juju
mom was making fp dinner tonight and started a fire in the micro wave...whole house still reeks of smoke...God we are getting to a real real bad place here I think....
Got out yesterday to our local field days to see the parade with my 8yr old niece. Was so nice to be out in the world. Hubby just asked me-"do you ever notice that the day after you have gotten out you are extremely unhappy about your life?" Yea, honey, I get that....I had that taste of freedom and companionship and seeing new things.... And now, I realize what I push down and try to forget about on a daily basis so I don't go insane....and it makes me angry and depressed! I should be happy I got out. And I am-it was fun. But it does make this harder to deal with at times.
Juju-I am soooo sorry about your dog. What a horrible story. I had to read it to my husband. And to prove to you all I am going insane, I laughed the whole time I was reading it that my eyes were watering! You are right-you cannot make that up... Sorry about your bird too. omg. And sorry to you too Sharynmarie about the squirrel... So sad.
Meanwhile-I was shaking my head at your stepdad at 80 on the roof-but I have a neighbor who is 89 and still climbs the ladders to clean gutters etc. He is so independent and will not let anyone else do it! Crazy!
Jen-hopefully fp will let you open the windows to get the fire/smoke smells out and you can get rid of a little of his stink too????
The teacups thing reminded me of something I saw a pic of and am going to do. I somehow accumulated a lot of tea pots over the years. I am going to put dirt in them and flowers and then find some sort of strong string or fishing wire and hang them around my deck....(I think the string goes thru the spout and around the handle somehow) The pic I saw had them hanging on a railing going down a long staircase outside and it was really pretty. I thought I could hang them all different lengths to make it look cool. Maybe I will put pansy's in them. Anyway....thanks for being here for me. Needed it today for sure! Mame
I know your all going "halleleujuh she is gonna shut up" just kidding but ???
FUN FACT: Getting angry at the sound of someone chewing or breathing is an actual brain disorder "Misophonia"
Have a great Sun-day of rest??!!!
Juju, At least you weren't under the bedspread. This Cat, Able Seacat First Class, Clawshank the Decimator, peed on ME, the little f%cker.
About a year and a half ago while finishing up at my mom's house. Damn.
Juju, keep writing it out. Not only is it good for you but it's good for others as well.
msdaizy! ok, warn me when you are about to go HA (hardass). That sounds a lot like a nuclear pile going critical.
Mame!! avoid the hole!
I get that you question why.
I submit that there is no why. There is no reason whatsoever. It just is.
Some say, things happen for a reason- and whatever comforts them works for me.
Personally, I don't think that there's a reason for most things (chaos theory) and that has brought me a lot of comfort. Instead of wondering what lessons I have to learn or what this situation means, I just try my best to accept what it is and bring about positive change wherever I can. So if the situation sucks I can figure my way out of it.
If it sucks, it sucks and screw the imaginary lessons, IMHO.
What can we do to make this better?
The more depressed we are the less change we can cause to happen and that's what drives us deeper into depression.
I don't think of myself as a sinner or deserving of guilt or any of that other negative stuff. I just am.
When I was caregiving mom at one time I was so angry that I saw myself spitting in her open grave.
I couldn't justify the crap I had had to deal with between my mom and her sister and now this?? After getting done wrong now I am doing this?
That 'spitting' image would float before my eyes every once in awhile and I would not care and I didn't feel any guilt. I still don't.
All that was was my resentment and anger manifesting itself in fantasy. It never happened and when my mom died and we lowered her into her grave I sobbed my eyes out because I loved her and had loved her all along, no matter what.
She knew it too and I knew that she loved me.
But, I wasn't going to feel guilty for being human. Not one shred.
My mom got treated like a queen but I almost killed myself.
See, that's why we question and we become angry and we get resentful. We know it's not right. It's not just.
I hate to beat a dead horse here, but I think we need to be reminded that we have to get help and lots of it. Caregivers need respite and a lot of it and it takes a damn village to care for people.
We need a task force....
lovbob
Yes the depression is a killer in this...cant even tie your shoes some day, it makes one feel inferior to the world! It is impossible to move forward in a depressed state. I have noticed also which is horrible, although I know when I am depressed, I kinda battle the I cant with the you know betters, and that also makes it hard but I also cant see or feel the damage of it till I am coming out of it and that realization is depressing in of itself...the mess you create... This was a long long dark spell and created a damn mess, financially...prior it was only small spells and not bad, just kinda wow I sure couldn't concentrate or be happy for a bit whew, glad that over!!!
And thanks mom n dad for that genetic bonus!!! The battle of the blues!! It makes me laff to say I am probably the highest functioning in my family beside ma in her day! I see ma in me and dad... I do live in this fear that I might become as sick as them one day...guess why I feel I am being judged all the time, I guess I am doing the judging...idk...
I don't wanna sound like a rosy eyed nut..but I have to take the lessons this has taught me and hold onto or I would have absolutely nothing positive to hold on to at all....I have learned to be a better compassionate human being, I am learning to forgive rather than question/agonize over something. I value that!!! I could say o whole page here of things ive learned but I wont!!!
OK Everyone thanks and hang in there...
On a good note, mom took a 2 hour nap yesterday and I got out in the garden and weeded. I mentally felt so much better after. I really felt like I was insane yesterday. After a swetty 89degrees yesterday, we are down in the 50's today! I have a sweatshirt on! No AC needed today!
Cat story-one time-apparently the cat didn't think the litter box was clean enough. I went in to the bathroom to pee and the cat followed me and jumped in the bathtub. (strange) He looked right at me and peed! It was the funniest thing! I guess it was his only way of letting me know I needed to change the cat box since they can't talk! Glad I didn't go in the bedroom or he may have peed on my bedspread!
Again-thanks all. Talk to you soon. Mame
Caregiver, ya she is sweet good with ma and punctual, I can trust her theft wise, etc.... but young, just doesn't have her heart in the job, cell phone always out, and mom fell when she was taking care of her...that was the last issue I amost fired her right then but stupid social worker talked me out of it, sed it was not right way to do it! So we fell back into our routine and now she quits with no notice ! all for the better i do believe but frustrating! I don't think i would have been able to start a new person out properly till now anyway now that i am beginning to getting my kick ass and take names self back!
Mame thanks and hang in there....it is dark lonely place we live!
Glad it brought a little help.
If you free yourself up from the trying to 'fix' it, you might have enough energy to change it.
There are many reasons to change the situation whether they be financial or emotional or whatever.
Love you Mame.
Juju, that sux that the cg just quit. hope you cope ok. Hope also that you can call in more help in the house so you are not buried in it.
You too Mame!
I know that if I was caregiving and there were other people around they would get a SooPrize. Take advantage when there are other people Mame!
Don't ask; Tell! haha. Say: 'This is how this is going to blow down' and tell them what's going to happen and then stick by it.
If it's an afternoon so you can go to the movies, then Tell whomever that they are staying home.
You can't do it all.
Take mini vacations of a few hours every day and if you do it often enough you won't feel as bad about the crap at home because you know you will be getting out again in a day. Someone has to step up and help you with this insanity or what's the point of having all of these people in your life? So you can only do what they want?
OK, I will shut up.
Love you guys.
lovbob
i love your statement "If you free yourself up from the trying to 'fix' it, you might have enough energy to change it".
thanks for that yesterday and now...very helpful!!
hugs!