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Hi all. Yes, I am still lurking, still reading, just not posting often. Mame, I too lived hoping one morning dad wouldn't be at the kitchen table and I'd find him snuggled in bed in eternal sleep. Or that I would walk in after work and find him resting comfortably in his favorite recliner forever more. To me he had no quality of life. And yet, he never acted like his life had lost any quality. I was always amazed when he would greet me in the morning with a big smile and when I would ask how he was, he'd say still kickin'. He had plenty to complain about - constant back pain, balance problems so he ALWAYS had to use a walker, loss of some eyesight in one eye that prevented him from reading and playing his beloved solitaire, pain in both shoulders from fractured clavicles (from falls), pain in his hands from rheumatoid arthritis, shortness of breath from his CHF, loss of sensation in his upper lip from the way the breathing tube was secured when he was on the ventilator, having to have an indwelling urinary catheter and having to change bags/empty bags - well I'm sure I could still go on and on. I used to joke saying he was like the terminator - you could keep blasting at him but he'd keep on going. He rarely showed disgust with his limitations, he rarely complained, he rarely seemed frustrated or angry. And still he wasn't able to get out easy by dying in his sleep. After the fact, I was actually glad he didn't go when I wasn't there or I would feel guilty for not being there. But I do wish his passing had been a little easier for him, a little more comfortable. He was conscious and talking until the very end and we did everything possible to try and keep him comfortable. Thank God for morphine. He knew he was loved, he was surrounded by his family and his dog in the comfort of his own home. He used to tell people that each morning that he would wake up he would thank God for giving him another day. I think the measure of quality of life is something each person has to determine for themselves. I don't regret that my caregiving days are over but I miss being with him. Once she's passed, you will be relieved for her being at peace but you will be surprised how lost you are not having SOMETHING to do every minute of every day, SOMETHING to worry about day in and day out. So hang in there. You are obviously a survivor like all the caregivers here and have put your mom's needs above your own. You're doing a great job! Hugs, Kuli
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Thank you Kuli! I needed that! Hugs to you!! Thanks for lurking ;)
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Kuli, I used to wonder why mom was holding on to life. But in her mind she was not disabled as she was in reality. She didn't remember that she had been in bed for two months or that she wasn't able to walk around, cook, clean the house or garden. In that sense I am glad her dementia didn't allow her to see what her life was like. I hope she also forgot all the times I lost my patience with her.
I too wished my mother hadn't fought so hard to cling to life in the end. I think the last two weeks of her life were the hardest. She mumbled a lot but I couldn't understand her most of the time. The last week she really didn't mumble or make any sounds. You could only tell she was in pain by how she made up her face. Mom managed to hang on 7 days after she stopped taking in any fluids. Like you said, thank god for morphine. I miss my mom more now because of the finality of death, but I've been mourning her loss for years. I haven't quite figured out what to do with myself yet, but at least I am working full time and James and I are trying to find our new normal.

I have to be at work tomorrow at 5am to see a group off so I am going to turn in a little earlier tonight. Good night dear ones.
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The woman at the AP asked to interview me through a woman at NAAFA, as she was looking to speak to fat women who had had bad experiences or doctors who refuse to treat them based on weight...I had mentioned my last Pap and said I WISHED the doc had refused...it was that bad...

Glad to see you Kuli...
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Jen ~ You are one of the strongest women I have had the pleasure to know. You hang in there because I KNOW a better life is in your future! Love ya, Kuli
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Love you, flex. It all just takes time. Allow yourself to take whatever time it takes. You DESERVE it! Hugs ~ Kuli
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Well, Sam got a jury summons, the 2nd one since he died. I call and tell them they need to take him off the list. The lady said it came from the tax office. He hasn't paid taxes in awhile either. Go figure.
Kuli, good to hear from you.
The more I do the better my foot feels, it is just stiff.. Haven't gone back to the Dr. Probably won't go back.
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Jen-I am wondering of it is sundowning too.
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TGIF! I had to get more BOAT time......Love ya
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Good morning all Just saying Hi and tgif...
Will be busy day. Getting ma out today and dr/family conference!
Still not sure what Is going on, had to leave her alone there for a last two days to get things taken care, so I will see what they have to say! fingers crossed!
Hope you all have a smile today!
Luv,
Juju
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Going through the books again, gutting basement back on...It's something...
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Little Poem, so True it Hurts
Another year has passed
And we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.

There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'.

We used to go to weddings,
Football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes
And after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And whine the night away.

We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel
To places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
From riding in the car.

We used to go to nightclubs
And drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
And watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
Enjoy each day and live it up
Before you're too damned old
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Good Morning Crew,

Jeeze Cuz. Sorry things are so bad.

Raining here and can't get boat repairs done but you can't do anything about the rain so why worry?

Hope everybody is doing the best they can with what they have to deal with.

lovbob
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Hey all, bag of grouse here...Over dd yard work made myself sick...here's one...I was removing old caulk form the back window, long time needed to be replaced no one else is gonna do it....big plate glass storm window on back Southern dinning room window...yep...Crack! I broke it...I just don't care any more. Mom said she Used to take it off for summer...That is so long ago I don't remember...So I took it off...It is in the garage now, under some plastic coverings...Mom knows it was cracked, she doesn't know it is broken now...I am gonna go throw up now...Jen
Oh and FP got his new glasses, my left lens popped out into the yard while I was weeding etc...pahahahaaahahaa ha
who cares. I'm going back to bed.
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Sorry Jen....sounds like a damned if you do damned if you don't. Whatever you do, don't take it personal and know that you are doing all you can...you are appreciated and valued!! Hugs!!
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oh man.
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Hey cuz just got back from the U.P. Saw one of the biggest ships to go thru the locks up there. had a good time. Mike is hanging in there. Wishes he had his legs back. Time will tell. We had rain just for one day up there now the temps are going to be in the 90's with rain, rain and more rain.
Love ya Cuz
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Jen hang in there cause you might win that lottery.
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A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 85th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel.

When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $450.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $450.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."

The clerk told her that $450.00 is the 'standard rate,' so she insisted on speaking to the manager.

The manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, informed the woman, "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them," she said.

''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous . "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," the manager said.

"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the manager replied.

No matter what amenity the manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion with the manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check, and gave it to him.

The manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you $400.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaimed the very surprised manager.

"Well, too bad. I was here and you could have."

Don't mess with Senior Citizens.
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A bit of wisdom from Soulseeds....You can’t control the wind, but you can set your sails and point your life in a direction that excites you. Sunrise is a daily reminder to put the past behind you and see your life in a new light. You have choice. You have power. You have priorities. You have perseverance. Make it a day where you light up the sky with optimism.
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Sharynmarie!
How did you know I needed to hear that? Thank you so much.

Cuz! You got boat time!

Jen! screw the window and screw them all. Whatever you need to do to survive this. Can you go and get some assistance and medical care? In the eyes of the state of W, Just because your mother and grandfather have money doesn't mean that you do so you could qualify for help. Take the help.
Have you looked into that? It's all about how you answer the questions.
The bottom line is that you have no money and no income after being a caregiver to your grandfather. You need medical assistance and living assistance.
You barely have a place to live.

OK, it's 4:30am and I am looking for the SuperMoon. I guess I missed it. I see the RegularMoon but not the SuperMoon.
The tides are extra high and extra low because of this moon and right now we are at low tide with 19.5' of water under the keel. High tide we had 28' under the boat. Thankfully we are on a floating dock.

Shirley! How's the foot?

Kuli! it's good to see you!

DEEF!

Mame! how's it going?

Everybody!

ok, going to make some coffee. I'm up so why not.

lovbob
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Good Sunday morning all. Got out last evening to a summer party. It was great to get out and it was with Hubby's friends so he had a good time too. Funny-one woman and I really knew no one-so we struck up a conversation and guess what we talked about?! Caregiving!!! She cared for her mom for a few years a few years ago and her mom has since died. We had a nice conversation and made a connection. She is also an animal lover and loves to read so we talked for a long time! It was a beautiful night-and the supermoon-well-the moon was huge but I didn't think it was any bigger than normal...Then I slept late this morning so I am not sure if it looked any bigger later in the night.

I have to tell you guys-I have been on anxiety meds for many years. Because of the weight gain and the excessive sweating, I have decided to try and go off of it. OMG! I didn't realize how much it was repressing my moods! The other day I had to take my sons out somewhere and I laughed so hard at something it startled me! I can't remember the last time I laughed like that! Now, mind you, these meds saved my life-and I never thought I would go off them. But I am thinking there is a time for everything. Hopefully, I have learned over these years how I am supposed to be in an anxious situation and can keep myself at an even keel. We will see! My dreams have been very vivid and storytelling! I am keeping a journal of the weaning process. So far-amazing. I had read horror stories of withdrawal and am hoping that doesn't happen-so far so good!

Mom is ok but the back is still bothering her. Monday I am bringing in a sample of urine to the DR to check for UTI. She has been sleeping more and is more confused. No other symptoms-but this is just not her. Gonna check it out just in case. Yesterday morning she woke up in a great mood-but thought she was in a hospital and the nurses had woken her at 6am with meds....and how did I like her new private room? I just go along with her. Later she was fine and knew where she was. We will see how she is today.
Jen, we need to kidnap you. Hello to Flex and Menwhile and Bobbie and Cuz and Sharyn and Juju and Kuli and Cat and Deef and everyone else out there!
Sunny and hot and humid here. AC deployed! Mame
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Have checked, as I live here and they live here, his money is here, I am here, we is here and here is You do not qualify for aid. It seems wrong but I can understand it. It isn't my money, but it is here and others have less...What the hell ever. did some more yard work, watching Yankees Game. Nice sunny day, gonna enjoy it one way or another...
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Jen you need to charge old FP for the yard work, and all the other things you do. It would cost him a lot if he had to pay someone.
Over did it with the foot, or wore the wrong shoes yesterday, but it is just the back of my heel that is sore, it is supposed to be the bones in the mid foot that were broken. Had some pulled tendons in my heel before I broke it, guess they are still pulled? The foot Dr wanted to sell me some $600 custom orthodics, not in my budget. Did ride my horse yesterday, that was wonderful.
Mame, glad you had a good time at the party. Sounds like you know what your doing with your meds. I really like the Lose It site, it's great for counting calories. I lost 10 pounds before I broke my foot, only 3 pounds waiting for my foot to heal. But, I'm going to try and stick with it no matter how long it takes.
Love that bit of Wisdom, Sharyn. Hope everyone is having a quiet Sunday.
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Well the doc did not have the time of day to review moms status, i had requested a family conference at release but didnt happen. Welll they sed indications she is entering the "end of life" stage.
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Sorry to here that Juju. Do you plan to stay in the new location? I hope you can work that out and find more support in caring for your mom. Have you had any luck finding a facility? Possibly Hospice can help you? Also, there is the Area on Aging that might be of help to you in a larger city. Wish I had the right words to say or the ability to be there to lend a hand. Keep us posted.
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Mom was up at 3am to pee...calling me to help her cause her back pain was so bad she couldn't get herself up...after much effort and pain for her even with my help, she sits on the pot. And sits. Pain so bad, she can't pee! Tried everything-no luck. Gave her Tylenol and got her back in bed and she slept till 8! Got her up and she peed even tho in pain. Called DR to tell them I am bringing in a urine sample but he wants to see her. Wish us luck please! It will be a big deal getting her there but we will get there! Of course it is 90 degrees and humid. I hope she doesn't end up in the hospital! According to Medicare, pain is not a diagnosis that can admit her to hospital... If she needs hospitalization, I hope we get a good diagnosis like UTI or something. UGH! The system sucks. She is eating b'fast now. Poor thing. Dammit!!!!!! Mame
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g fell this morning. not only did mo not hear it....she stood there after calling me and didn't know what to do...Jesus Christ I have entered a new harder roll here...Hits just keep on coming. The firetruck came assessed as usual he is not injured other that sore and a skin tear no going to hospital, he is not sure if he hit his head and the Lead Fireman asked about DNR operatives in place...He doesn't have any he doesn't want it...The guy said he has seen people code at 98 and have end stage cancer and they have to keep them alive because there is no information about DNR....Well here's the info, fp wants life at any cost, all the way no leaving no bowing out no DNR no coding just keep him breathing till he explodes?... God help me.



MMmMonday...Jen
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Jen, he is afraid to die because of what he is. God IS helping you. He will fade slowly away until he disappears. Maybe one morning you will wake up and he will be gone.
I know you have been thinking that for many years. I hope you will be able to enjoy your life then. Always praying for your strength to endure. He really needs a DNR.
Maybe you could bring up the subject at breakfast tomorrow with both of them? That will get the oatmeal spewn on the walls. Maybe make it a little dry with slivered almonds? "Gasp" Inhale, fp.
Love you girls and Cuz:) xoxo
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For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason:
I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to
do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the
federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
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