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Sorry Bobbie my mind is going ! mixed you up with Boni but everything I said applies to you too. I don't think you need to find your own donor for the fecal transplant i believe it is produced commercially these days in a nice sterile capsule (no gagging required) it has taken me a year to recover from my two week stay in the hospital last year and a lot of hard work. Part of the reason I post so much on AC - great therapy! Yogurt goes down well and I love the large curd cottage cheese Metamucil helps too I mixed in OJ. think positive this too will pass.
Good to hear from you Bobbie~take care of yourself!!!! I can barely mop a deck but surely we will do our best to keep the boat from running aground. Only until our Capn is back at the helm!!! I'm not even asking about the transplant, Oh my goodness, wishing you riddance and a soon as possible!!!
It was Boni.(bonichak) from "What's for dinner"...she is recovering from a heart attack. You are def the one and only Bobbie!
Gotta go, caregiver day, got a schedule today, lol, no time for my chitty chatty longwinded posts.... except I am fried about the Meds....they have grown legs and left the building! come to realize also if they are gone over $100 worth of oops!!!
Just one more thing....Thank you, I just saw the private message option few days ago! I don't mind sharing with this thread at all !!! I definitely don't feel comfortable putting it in a public forum or I guess on the internet, is what I mean, even my email come to think idk.......I think I may have become a bit unusually suspicious in this situation but it occurred to me anything I put out there is fair game! Well feels good to get it off my chest in the vaguest way, maybe I can move forward just a bit! Gotta bake a cake is now gotta buy a cake!!!! Thanks all!!!
Could the reno workers have taken them Juju????? I hope you find them. Once, mom dropped her pills all over the floor and threw them out! We had a very hard time getting replacements-they said next time to just pick them up and take them. (Understand, mom had several cats and gross issues with cat boxes and feces...I wouldn't have eaten anything at her house let alone something that had been on the floor! Ugh) Anyway, I hope you come across them & soon! Bobbie-so sorry for what you are going through. The first time I heard about a fecal transplant, I thought it was a joke! But, I guess it works! Good luck!!! Jen-I am thinking about you and your mom. So unfair and hard. Meanwhile-I hope step dad is ok! Hi Austin-beautiful weather we are having here in NY state! Deef-um-I am worried about you with Blanche...this really is a ton of work... Be careful-you don't have to be the one... I know it feels like you do-but her family really needs to know how much work it is and maybe they should do something different. I really say this out of concern for you. Hello Glad and Veronica and Alesia. Hey Cuz-how are you doin? Mom is doing alright at the NH. It has been really nice weather so I try and get her out every day that I can. I am still trying to "get my life back" but after 13 years of caregiver exhaustion and isolation etc-I am just not sure there is anything to get back to. Everything has changed, friends have moved on, my resume has this huge gap... So, I guess I need to change that to I am trying to "get a life." Just keep plugging along...this too shall pass I guess. The leaves are changing and they are beautiful. Wish we could keep this nice weather for much longer tho! Have a decent day all! Mame
Mame yes great weather but we have not had any rain to speak of in so long -the leaves are getting brown and falling like crazy here in the lower Hudson Valley-very little color few reds and pale yellow and brown but weekend activities have gone on as planned.
Reading about nurses on Corregidor. Seriously cool, video from 1985 before they all past on as well. Love history, it may be bunk but it is fascinating bunk
speaking of bunk...plenty o sh*t oozing around here bobbie let me know where to send it...Jen
Thanks Jen and everyone! I guess "I AM" alone toooo much, enough said!
Oh dear Bobbie, of course the power of poop was too much I had to do some more googling on your condition.........I did not realize how serious C-Diff can get and how hard to beat! The transplants, however unpleasant sounding, seems very promising. It may be good/best option...oh girl, I just praying you get some relief soon!!!! Pass the poop!!!
Mame good to hear from you. Well also you don't have a son to raise as well as before caregiving. I bet life after caregiving is an "empty nest syndrome". Keep your eyes open for signs of what makes you happy and do what you can do to bring those things back into your life!!!!
Deef, i did wonder i have forgotten exactly how you came to care for Blanche....I think I recall she is not immediate family? I hope you are being paid! No matter, don't fall into a pattern you really don't want to be in! Mame and Deef both situations apply, makes me think of this- Mom new SW said on our yearly review,earlier this month "oh boy, you do so much, will be so lost when she gone" agreeing "Yup, i'm sure" she suggests "well you would be excellent as a caregiver for our program" OMG somebody tackle me before I sign up for this again, but here the thought comes "maybe if it was a paid non family member that I can just do my few hours and get on" "Maybe, all this time doing it is given us a special gift insight to the client"....idk sure doesn't sound appealing however experienced we may be!
Had to google "Corregidor" have no clue, WWII-interesting, Not to up on history myself, I really liked the "Dogs of War" program I have seen! Jen- Keep buying those tickets, it will happen!
I'm explaining to mom it is her bday: she says "how old am I" me "87" her surprised, "wow that is old" then even more concerned and bewildered "I am going to die soon" me..."oh no your not, If you keep on kickin the way you do, you got another 10-20 ys" Mom "OK" !!!
Juju being a paid caregiver might be worth thinking about-no immediate decision -just to keep in mind and you get to go home after your shift-how great would that be -I think the government pays for the CNA classes and you can usually tailor the hours to your needs and desires and now there are NH IL and AL jobs to choose from-the SW must have seen something about you that she liked to make that suggestion .
I do remember reading paper about my new area when I got here. This an outdoorsy area is known to have a high retirement community draw for the gorgeous rivers and territory. They had predicted the need to exceed the supply crisis! it may well be a logical option but I certainly doesn't sound good to me, really!! Like you said...no hurry! I sure would like to do something to make the world better for the elderly and their caregivers!!!
Juju don't do it being a CNA is a lousy underpaid job. That SW is an idiot. now becoming a Sw that might be different and more suited for someone not so young who does not want to be on their feet all day.
I thought I was the only one being grossed out by my mother's eating habits. She's always been a loud eater, and back when I was in my teens, she'd do it deliberately to bother me because she knew I'd gross me out. She's always been difficult, but now she's sick it's completely unbearable
Good morning! How is everyone doing out there, today?
Got a surprise, some kind of class action settlement on a bank acct feature, received a check yesterday!! Happy Bday to us, woo hoo! Yup it my bday and not crazy about it, just a reminder how isolated we have become! Spending it alone with Ma as have in past few years!
While back I did have a little fun and got a couple mums purple n fuchsia. Planted them in couple dark grey pots n set them out. They looked so pretty! Went to water them and apparently the Deer had pinky for midnite snack, it is just stems now, hopefully it will come back!!! I enjoy planting and tending to them, something different!!
Mame just FYI....I'm sure the worker did not leave with the meds, Keep peeking around for them....very frustrating!
Well take care gang, gotta go....gonna try to get the trim up today, I am procrastinating again! Thinking and praying for you all!!! Peace, Juju
Nuni88....hey there, oh my goodness the things that can irritate us! You are not alone!! I saw your post about loss of her leg. both my parents also faultered in her self care I am sure contributing to her current health issues/condition! Been thru the same emotions....angry they did not take better care etc.....you are not alone!!! Peace, Juju
to add....the bday thing is a big thing for me I guess because not only do mom n I share close bday's it is a reminder of the imploding of our family as well....We(brothers) all had bday's close to mom 28th, me 1st, bro's 3rd n 8th along with it being the time when I brought mom home, has tended to become a touchy issue for me! Honestly I am not self centered or wanting of the items or attention but NOT getting any card/gift does make me feel lonely, especially from my momma!!!! Well I got my RedRobin free burger and DelTaco free shake!!!
We had a nice day for momma and on Monday, day got changed around due to the help, but we did get together and sang with mom We had our pizza on Sunday, I cut the center part out n up, crust was moist enough for her to eat!
I have just decided I am starting an RV/trailer fund with that check, I need to have a dream!
Happy Birthday Juju, It is Indio's birthday today as well. It was pretty quiet. We just grilled some steaks, and I made him a sugar free chocolate cake. It was funny, when he got home, there was a $50 check from his step mother. He went over to her house and tried to give it back, but she insisted. Indio's dad died in May, (his mom died when he was 13 years old). But, Indio and his dad never got along. Even when his dad was dying, Indio went to make peace, and his dad wouldn't talk to him. I guess his step mom is trying to make amends.
Happy birthday Juju glad you had a good day. I'm hoping the jokes start to come in pretty quick or else I will have to throw in a few repeats just to get a little laughter flowing. Update on my brother. His heart is doing about 50% and the drs say he is good with that, but his legs are getting worse. They are so numb now that he can't feel that they are starting to roll. Like he is walking on the very outside of his foot, not even on the sole anymore. He trys to keep them flat but he is real worried that the drs are going to say he would be better off losing the and that has him really stressed out. Course it doesn't help that he weighs over 300#. He doesn't hardly eat anything and the pee pills they have him on were starting to mess with the kidneys. He is starting to be negative on everything and everybody. Not good. All we can do is hope for the best. Hugs to all. luvCuz
Happy Birthday Juju! Glad mom's bday turned out pretty good too! My brother's bday is today and I was walking by the cards in Walmart and said to my hubby-I should get a card for him from mom... and before the hub could say a word- I said-no, nevermind. It is just too much effort when they don't give the same effort to me or our mom... I used to care so much about them and their feelings etc but I can't invest in it anymore... Mom and I will call him from my cell when I go up to the NH home today and he will hear her voice-and she still sings happy birthday-so that will be nice. Anyway... Cuz-praying for your bro. That is tough. We need to send you some jokes! MEanwhile-Happy Birthday Indio! How was the cake? I would die without sugar! My mom in law is gluten free and is finding the best recipes-that taste great! I am not sure about no sugar recipes... The cookies you buy-sugar free aren't very good. Did you make your cake from scratch? Busy here-I have my sister's dog as she went south to her mother in law's funeral. Nice to have a dog in the house again. She is sweet-but young and just wants to go go go!!! I guess it is good for me but tiring me out! HA! Mom's aid got mad at me the other day cause right after lunch-20 minutes before they put her in bed, I wanted to take her outside-it was a beautiful day. She says, oh no, I have to put her in bed... I said we'd be back in 20-the time you usually put her in bed... What is the problem? Well, she copped an attitude and was like-well, I will just have to put her in bed late...blah blah... I told we wouldn't have many more days like this and we have 20 min and we are going.It was beautiful out and mom loved all the changing colors of the trees! When we got back-the aid was snotty and told me to come earlier (before lunch) and take her out then. I was like-what a great idea! (Except you never know what time she will be up-if her usual aid is not there they don't even get her up until lunch! Whatever) We had a nice time and mom was happy. Big cool down this weekend. Mom has been very lovey lately and telling me she loves me when I am leaving and calls me by name! Makes me weepy but in a happy way-I think! Gotta tell you this story! Mom says at lunch the other day, "Have I told you about the man who flirts with me?" His name is Eddy and he comes every day to visit his sister.... We chatted about how sweet he is etc... and she says, "well, if he was younger, it would be better!" I about died laughing! She's still got it! Mame
A new priest does his first mass. He is very nervous and he stammers his way through. Afterwards, he approaches the Monsignor to how he thought it went. "Well," says the monsignor, "Try a little wine before you do your next mass." So the next time the priest delivers a real fire and brimstone sermon, after which he asks the monsignor, "How did I do this time?" The fellow clergyman replies, "You did well, son, but I need to clear up a few of your misconceptions. First off, it was the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, not 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.' Next, David slew Goliath; he didn't 'whip the sh!t out of him.' And last of all we are planning a taffy pulling contest here at St. Peter, not a 'Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.'
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says: "Error. Not long enough."
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
Cuz, I hope Mike feels better. I can't imagine how hard that has got to be for all of you and especially Mike.
Love all you guys here and Happy Birthday Juju!
Still sick but not as bad as I was. The fight continues.
Ew ew ew...I get to do my least favorite thing in the world tonight....cut Mom's toenails. Going to be especially nerve-wracking tonight, because last time I did it, she got one of her involuntary foot tremors and twitched violently just as I closed the clippers....and cut right into the end of her toe. I've felt bad about it ever since, and now I'm *hating* the idea of cutting her toenails at all. They grossed me out before..now they scare me.
And on top of that...she's got a *HUGE* boil under her arm, full of pus, that needs to be lanced. (shudder)
Susan, podiatrist for nails and dermatologist for lancing boil. I totally refuse to do nails, since my mother's nails are thick with fungus. Yuck, yuck, yuck. A boil wouldn't bother me so bad. But nails? Yuck.
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APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
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Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Bye the way Bobi posted last night( somewher) and was up in her room waiting for the roast chicken she smelt her bro and SIL cooking!!!!!!
I am alive and still pretty sick. Thanks for all the sweet posts.
Hi there Veronica but that is not me. no brother and no sil. And no roast chicken. wah. That would have been nice.
This is my only post in a long time and I usually just post here and won't post anywhere else until I have checked in here.
Love all you guys and you are right in that it's hard to concentrate on anything when you feel this way. Think of all of you all the time.
I am in my second relapse and am running out of options to beat this. I had no idea it could be so devastating.
It sure makes me feel good to see from you guys and I read this thread daily and am so happy to see you guys checking in and checking on each other.
I haven't abandoned the boat and when the Cap gets sick others step up to drive just like what we have seen here.
Will have to try and get a fecal transplant. Last option. Will need a few healthy donors.
They will be on my Sh!t List. Ha.
Learned a bunch on a site called the power of poop dot com. Wow.
There's another Bobbie there too but not me.
OK, back to being quiet. No energy. Takes all I have just to cope with this and keep disinfecting my environment.
lovbob
Metamucil helps too I mixed in OJ. think positive this too will pass.
It was Boni.(bonichak) from "What's for dinner"...she is recovering from a heart attack. You are def the one and only Bobbie!
Gotta go, caregiver day, got a schedule today, lol, no time for my chitty chatty longwinded posts.... except I am fried about the Meds....they have grown legs and left the building! come to realize also if they are gone over $100 worth of oops!!!
Love n peace! Juju
Just one more thing....Thank you, I just saw the private message option few days ago!
I don't mind sharing with this thread at all !!! I definitely don't feel comfortable putting it in a public forum or I guess on the internet, is what I mean, even my email come to think idk.......I think I may have become a bit unusually suspicious in this situation but it occurred to me anything I put out there is fair game!
Well feels good to get it off my chest in the vaguest way, maybe I can move forward just a bit!
Gotta bake a cake is now gotta buy a cake!!!!
Thanks all!!!
Bobbie-so sorry for what you are going through. The first time I heard about a fecal transplant, I thought it was a joke! But, I guess it works! Good luck!!!
Jen-I am thinking about you and your mom. So unfair and hard.
Meanwhile-I hope step dad is ok!
Hi Austin-beautiful weather we are having here in NY state!
Deef-um-I am worried about you with Blanche...this really is a ton of work... Be careful-you don't have to be the one... I know it feels like you do-but her family really needs to know how much work it is and maybe they should do something different. I really say this out of concern for you.
Hello Glad and Veronica and Alesia. Hey Cuz-how are you doin?
Mom is doing alright at the NH. It has been really nice weather so I try and get her out every day that I can. I am still trying to "get my life back" but after 13 years of caregiver exhaustion and isolation etc-I am just not sure there is anything to get back to. Everything has changed, friends have moved on, my resume has this huge gap... So, I guess I need to change that to I am trying to "get a life." Just keep plugging along...this too shall pass I guess.
The leaves are changing and they are beautiful. Wish we could keep this nice weather for much longer tho! Have a decent day all! Mame
speaking of bunk...plenty o sh*t oozing around here bobbie let me know where to send it...Jen
Oh dear Bobbie, of course the power of poop was too much I had to do some more googling on your condition.........I did not realize how serious C-Diff can get and how hard to beat! The transplants, however unpleasant sounding, seems very promising. It may be good/best option...oh girl, I just praying you get some relief soon!!!! Pass the poop!!!
Mame good to hear from you. Well also you don't have a son to raise as well as before caregiving. I bet life after caregiving is an "empty nest syndrome". Keep your eyes open for signs of what makes you happy and do what you can do to bring those things back into your life!!!!
Deef, i did wonder i have forgotten exactly how you came to care for Blanche....I think I recall she is not immediate family? I hope you are being paid! No matter, don't fall into a pattern you really don't want to be in!
Mame and Deef both situations apply, makes me think of this-
Mom new SW said on our yearly review,earlier this month "oh boy, you do so much, will be so lost when she gone" agreeing "Yup, i'm sure" she suggests "well you would be excellent as a caregiver for our program" OMG somebody tackle me before I sign up for this again, but here the thought comes "maybe if it was a paid non family member that I can just do my few hours and get on" "Maybe, all this time doing it is given us a special gift insight to the client"....idk sure doesn't sound appealing however experienced we may be!
Had to google "Corregidor" have no clue, WWII-interesting, Not to up on history myself, I really liked the "Dogs of War" program I have seen!
Jen- Keep buying those tickets, it will happen!
I'm explaining to mom it is her bday:
she says "how old am I"
me "87"
her surprised, "wow that is old" then even more concerned and bewildered "I am going to die soon"
me..."oh no your not, If you keep on kickin the way you do, you got another 10-20 ys"
Mom "OK" !!!
Hang in there crew, hang in there!!!!
Peace, Juju
A friend was able to get onto healthcare.org but she was having difficulties
setting her password.
The interchange went as follows:
"Please create your password below."
roses
"Sorry, too few characters."
pretty roses
"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
1 pretty rose
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
1prettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
1friggingprettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
1FRIGGINGprettyrose
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
1FriggingPrettyRose
"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourA_ _IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightNow!
"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedWhereTheSunDoesNotShineIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightNow
"Sorry, that password is already in use".
How is everyone doing out there, today?
Got a surprise, some kind of class action settlement on a bank acct feature, received a check yesterday!! Happy Bday to us, woo hoo!
Yup it my bday and not crazy about it, just a reminder how isolated we have become! Spending it alone with Ma as have in past few years!
While back I did have a little fun and got a couple mums purple n fuchsia. Planted them in couple dark grey pots n set them out. They looked so pretty! Went to water them and apparently the Deer had pinky for midnite snack, it is just stems now, hopefully it will come back!!! I enjoy planting and tending to them, something different!!
Mame just FYI....I'm sure the worker did not leave with the meds, Keep peeking around for them....very frustrating!
Well take care gang, gotta go....gonna try to get the trim up today, I am procrastinating again! Thinking and praying for you all!!!
Peace, Juju
Peace, Juju
We had a nice day for momma and on Monday, day got changed around due to the help, but we did get together and sang with mom We had our pizza on Sunday, I cut the center part out n up, crust was moist enough for her to eat!
I have just decided I am starting an RV/trailer fund with that check, I need to have a dream!
Thanks for listening! Juju
luvCuz
Cuz-praying for your bro. That is tough. We need to send you some jokes!
MEanwhile-Happy Birthday Indio! How was the cake? I would die without sugar! My mom in law is gluten free and is finding the best recipes-that taste great! I am not sure about no sugar recipes... The cookies you buy-sugar free aren't very good. Did you make your cake from scratch?
Busy here-I have my sister's dog as she went south to her mother in law's funeral. Nice to have a dog in the house again. She is sweet-but young and just wants to go go go!!! I guess it is good for me but tiring me out! HA!
Mom's aid got mad at me the other day cause right after lunch-20 minutes before they put her in bed, I wanted to take her outside-it was a beautiful day. She says, oh no, I have to put her in bed... I said we'd be back in 20-the time you usually put her in bed... What is the problem? Well, she copped an attitude and was like-well, I will just have to put her in bed late...blah blah... I told we wouldn't have many more days like this and we have 20 min and we are going.It was beautiful out and mom loved all the changing colors of the trees! When we got back-the aid was snotty and told me to come earlier (before lunch) and take her out then. I was like-what a great idea! (Except you never know what time she will be up-if her usual aid is not there they don't even get her up until lunch! Whatever) We had a nice time and mom was happy. Big cool down this weekend. Mom has been very lovey lately and telling me she loves me when I am leaving and calls me by name! Makes me weepy but in a happy way-I think! Gotta tell you this story! Mom says at lunch the other day, "Have I told you about the man who flirts with me?" His name is Eddy and he comes every day to visit his sister.... We chatted about how sweet he is etc... and she says, "well, if he was younger, it would be better!" I about died laughing! She's still got it!
Mame
A new priest does his first mass. He is very nervous and he stammers his way through. Afterwards, he approaches the Monsignor to how he thought it went.
"Well," says the monsignor, "Try a little wine before you do your next mass."
So the next time the priest delivers a real fire and brimstone sermon, after which he asks the monsignor, "How did I do this time?"
The fellow clergyman replies, "You did well, son, but I need to clear up a few of your misconceptions. First off, it was the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, not 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.'
Next, David slew Goliath; he didn't 'whip the sh!t out of him.'
And last of all we are planning a taffy pulling contest here at St. Peter, not a 'Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.'
lovbob
The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says:
"Error. Not long enough."
The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter.
The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
"And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"
The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.”
Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.”
It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.”
“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Cuz, I hope Mike feels better. I can't imagine how hard that has got to be for all of you and especially Mike.
Love all you guys here and Happy Birthday Juju!
Still sick but not as bad as I was. The fight continues.
lovbob
And on top of that...she's got a *HUGE* boil under her arm, full of pus, that needs to be lanced. (shudder)
Gotta love the caregiver life..right? Right?!?