Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Even though the temp will be in the mid 20's for Thanksgiving I will be grilling hotdogs outside. We will also have homemade potato salad and chips. When there is only two of us we pull out all of the stops. All our snow melted today with the rain. It was 50 degrees at noon and now it 30 and snowing like crazy. Will get depending on who you listen to around 2" to 5" over night through Tuesday. Next week Wednesday they are predicting maybe 60 degrees. Welcome to Michigan. Hang around for 5 minutes and it will change.. Update on ma is that she has come to realize that the assisted living is a good thing. She likes the people there and she says the food is good. She also told me today that she does forget stuff so this was a good thing to happen. Hugs to all and nice to hear from you Linda. Hope the drs come up with a good report on hubby. luv Cuz
pahaha cuz... bewew pass on Michigan weather but the lakes look lovely... He's not dead yet. Mom picked up a pre made thanksgiving dinner, saves her a lot of trouble. Feel sick and depressed here, but well it is the holidays...Jen Drive careful where ever you have to go, Have a good Thanksgiving all!
It's thanksgiving time so most of us are thinking of what or who we are thankful for. I am thankful for all of you. This community has helped me realize that I am not alone in feeling down, or laughing at things that don't seem funny to the outside observer or just needing to vent about things that happen that are less than perfect sometimes. Thank you all for being there and giving me something to look forward to reading each day!
We are expecting a snow storm today-up to 6 inches get away day worse time-so I will stay in and clean-having Thanksgiving on Fri-my adult kids work Thanksgiving -did the shopping on Mom -turkey thawing-keeping it simple as usuall.
Melaine7, that was a very kind note to write to the community of caregivers.
The day before Thanksgiving I was at the grocery store which was a zoo, and waited 20 minutes in line to check out. There was a woman in the next line who was recognized by the lady behind me and as they exchanged greetings I picked up that the lady in the next line was taking care of her mom. I looked her and said, 'Caregiver for your mom?' and she said Yes and I said, 'Dementia?' and she said Yes, and began to cry. I left my line and went to her and hugged her and told her that she would live through this. While I was hugging her and through her tears she said, 'I'm an only child.' and I said yes, I was too. She composed herself and I told her about us on this site and went back into my line. The lady behind me said that that was kind of me to do and said the reason that she's emotional is that she's afraid her mom won't be here for next Thanksgiving. And I said, 'No, the reason she's emotional is that she's afraid SHE won't be here next Thanksgiving.'
I hope everyone is doing the best they can with what they have to deal with. Love you all,
Bobbie good to hear from you-it is great for you to reach out to another caregiver-my friend and I are trying to get our caregiver group going again at the center-the powers to be need to be reminded how important it is for those in the trenches to have support-cooking dinner today for my honey and son and daughter and grandson-keeping it simple as usual-the snow will hang around for a few more days.
Oh GOD! bobbie..Living it here!!!!!!!! My God you are right, I am hoping I will be dead before next year! My God it was awful yesterday...My mom just about killed herself getting the dinner ready! It was a pre done from store one but it still was a lot of work and she was hyperventilating and having to sit down by the time it was done! She feeds him, get herself some, I sit in living room upset, terrified she is going to stroke out! After I start cleaning and she is trying to put leftovers away still leaning on counter and breathing hard...GOOD GOD JUST MAKE THIS STOP!!!! Later she says she was "worried the turkey wouldn't get done..."
"That's what YOU were worried about?!"...."I was scared to death you were having a hear attack!!!" " I have had a really shitty life and even though i could figure out how to live on my own use the food bank etc I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT MY MOTHER!!!" "YOU ARE THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT I LOVE!"
She sort of dismissed it, trying to play it down I guess...I don't know.
After she sat down I asked her...: "Do you think we could put Grandpa in respite care for a couple weeks or so, just to give us a break?!"
"I, don't know, I'll have to think about it!".....
I'll bet, and if he did go, he'd just come back and somehow that would be worse. Why does she think killing herself is some how O.K. here? Why won't he just fucking die !?!?!?!?!?!!
God this is awful... Jen hope things get better soon. Hope everyone is O.K. where they are. God bobbie you got that one right on....
a commercial for aging and elder hospice care came on right after we sat down, the tag about just being daughter again and getting help for this hard job....Oh God please!
Jen your Thanksgiving was worse than mine. So sorry. We just can't invite anyone else, even Indio made an excuse and left. My mother is just so nasty to everyone.
Quiet today, hope it stays so...Mom took him over for a hair cut... Have a decent weekend all... I had a turkey sandwich, vegetarian it was not. I was so excited, I shook as I made it! I hate being a vegetarian....
Jen I hope your getting enough protein? It can be hard to do on a vegetarian diet. I know some people that just skip the beef and pork, but eat fish and poultry. I try not to eat beef more than once a week. I have to tell you about the cheese cake. Mom wanted to make a cheesecake for Thanksgiving dinner, I thought fine. She made it last summer with my recipe. It's with splenda instead of sugar, because she and my step dad are diabetic. Well, she must have left the splenda out completely this time. It was terrible. Even mom thought it tasted bad, but she thinks she put too much splenda in it.
Meanwhile at least she agreed it tasted awful also. I took all the meat off the bones and tomorrow will make a large pot pie with much of the turkey and vegies and stuffing and maybe some cranberry sauce winging it -I did it years ago so will give it a try again.
he had bad back pain and mom took him to Dr. this morning. Dr. sent them over to get X-rays of his chest...I don't know. Probably turn out to be bronchitis...who knows...
Nothing I want matters, if he is dying, he is dying...if not, this all just goes on till my mother kills herself over the endless and increasing chore of care giving...
Stepdad, plumbed and wired in a new on demand water heater at one of the rental houses. He is so happy, because he feels useful. Mom on the other hand doesn't want to do anything.
"Well god d*mn it I can't, I just keeps, it keeps coming out !"
"Well I'm sorry, but you have to drink water to flush out your system, that's why you have got another UTI!"
goes to his room flops down in the LIFT CHAIR...you know the type of chair that lets you gently lower yourself down and up...Considering he just had a chest X ray for pain you think he'd......
"Don't you think it would have been easier to use the lift chair daddy?"
"Well Gid d*mn it, I can't, YOu the one THat tells me! to put it down!!!"
(total lie, he is the one who makes it an ordeal to set it back dpwn perfectly every god damn time he gets out of it...)
"l, Soory daddy, I'm sorry you don't want to drink water I am sorry you have a UTI, That's right just BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING!!!"
He knows still how to be difficult-she is just wasting her breathe-tell her 60% of caregivers die before the ones they take care off-that woke me up -from then on I set out to keep me alive-pretended not to hear his orders.
They are DEMENTED. Therefore what comes out of their mouths is DEMENTED.
To be taken with not even a grain of salt and yes, Austin, you are correct, it is our job to live through it! Not our job to take it to heart and have it kill us.
Jen! F**k it and don't listen to it. He's Demented and just tell him to shut the F**k up.
Yes, I know I don't know the microenvironment inside your situation but trust me, a little tough love on everyone involved is way better than succumbing to the crazy.
You will change when it hurts more to stay the same. Yes, that is tough to be sure. Ow Ow Ow.
Speaking of tough, it turns out I have liver damage from the antibiotic that got rid of the C-Diff. I don't know exactly how bad yet, but am doing everything I can to detox my liver and hope I don't fall victim to Hepititis or worse. I couldn't understand why I didn't feel better and was so tired and shot out. Bad decision making starting about 10 years ago when I began to caregive my mom, who is gone now and I miss her but not the insanity of Dementia.
Sorry, but even after being out of active caregiving for over 4 years I still wouldn't do it again. My health hasn't come back to anywhere near where I was before this stupid sh!t. Time has not softened any of it and I still feel that placement is the answer for many cases. Not all, so don't bother attacking me, but many.
I personally know of cases where the elder pooped themselves ONCE and the caregiver threw in the towel. Smart. Glad to know our pain serves to educate those coming behind us.
Hello to everyone and I hope your holiday season is going to be ok with all you all have to deal with.
Bobbie-I am sorry to hear you have liver damage. is it something that can get better over time? It just seems so unfair. Please let us know the results. My thoughts are with you.
Bobbie, I too am sorry about the c diff and the liver damage. I believe they are directly related to the stress of caregiving and agree that placement is the answer for many - more that is happening. People do not realise the negative effect caregiving has on their health. The statistics now that quote that about 40% of caregivers die before their care receivers. I haven't seen figures about how many caregivers end up with their health severely compromised, though they still survive their care receivers, but may well have chronic illness and a shortened life spa. I too have a gut infection that requires meds, one of which could affect my liver. It is a hard choice. I alternate between the "safe" one and the other one. The safe one has some unpleasant side effects sometimes. So far my liver tests are OK. I read earlier that you were contemplating a fecal transplant and have wondered if it helped.
Hopefully your liver will recover. Wishing you all the best
I am sorry to hear you have permanent damage there bobbie, just one more thing eh? Is it dealable, or an adjust situation forever? Dr.'s nurse called, X rays inconclusive come back in ten days...What ever. Back to AD tomorrow so we can get the shopping done... No I have no idea the day it is...I am that out of it... Stay warm everyone...Jen
Bobbie I am so sorry about the liver damage-I was having liver damage and instead of looking into my meds my doc sent me t a specialist and instead of waiting 6 weeks to see him I pitched a fit and got in in 2 days and in talking he asked me -again without checking my meds if I drank quinine water and I said no but one of my meds is has quinine in it -almost added stupid but held off and stopped the med and had blood work done again in two weeks and the levels were down -they wanted to do a liver biopsy saying no big deal-I am a nurse and helped with them and consider them a big deal-my med group joined another and now have 45 facilities in counties-now will have more specialist to send us to instead of helping figure out what is wrong-there are no independent docs around any more.
Hi guys and thanks for the support. Emjo, thank you and Jen and Austin and Sharynmarie.
Jen, so far we don't know if it's permanent and I am doing everything I can to heal my poor liver. Blood tests start this Monday and again on the 15th so we can see if I am making any progress.
Austin, I stopped all meds, red meat etc etc. I went with the recommendations of that book, Healthy Healing and got some herbs and spices to put together a program of stuff to make my liver happy instead of sad.
It's so foggy this morning I can't even see the end of the face dock. I love it. You can hear air horns going off in the ICW from boats who started out this morning when it wasn't so bad and are now moving slowly in this pea soup.
I hope everybody is doing ok. I'm reading every day but sometimes just don't have the energy to post… Just like so many of us.
Been thinking about everybody:
Mame, Kuli, Juju, DEEF!, Linda, Meanwhile, CUZ!, Shoutout to Shanda because she told me she reads…. Go ahead and post!
I forgot everybody…Post and chew me out for tired memory.
Bobbi, good to hear from you, keeping my fingers crossed that your liver damage is reversible. My friend that had the reaction to the lipitor also has liver damage. He is getting better, but very slowly. Indio decided to quit taking his lipitor, and he is sleeping better, and just feels better over all. The fog sounds really cool. My step dad wanted to take mom out to dinner for their anniversary. Nice thought, but mom barely leaves the house. He would have to take her in the wheelchair. So talked him into picking up take out. Which is what he has had to do for the last several years. He seems to be forgetting stuff more often.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
luv Cuz
Not a bad idea!
Home Security Hint:
I've torn out my alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, CIA, NSA, FBI and the other intelligence services are all watching my house 24/7.
I've never felt safer!
bewew pass on Michigan weather but the lakes look lovely...
He's not dead yet. Mom picked up a pre made thanksgiving dinner, saves her a lot of trouble.
Feel sick and depressed here, but well it is the holidays...Jen
Drive careful where ever you have to go, Have a good Thanksgiving all!
Jen, hope you get to feeling better.
Melaine7, that was a very kind note to write to the community of caregivers.
The day before Thanksgiving I was at the grocery store which was a zoo, and waited 20 minutes in line to check out.
There was a woman in the next line who was recognized by the lady behind me and as they exchanged greetings I picked up that the lady in the next line was taking care of her mom.
I looked her and said, 'Caregiver for your mom?' and she said Yes and I said, 'Dementia?' and she said Yes, and began to cry.
I left my line and went to her and hugged her and told her that she would live through this. While I was hugging her and through her tears she said, 'I'm an only child.' and I said yes, I was too.
She composed herself and I told her about us on this site and went back into my line. The lady behind me said that that was kind of me to do and said the reason that she's emotional is that she's afraid her mom won't be here for next Thanksgiving.
And I said, 'No, the reason she's emotional is that she's afraid SHE won't be here next Thanksgiving.'
I hope everyone is doing the best they can with what they have to deal with.
Love you all,
lovbob
Later she says she was "worried the turkey wouldn't get done..."
"That's what YOU were worried about?!"...."I was scared to death you were having a hear attack!!!" " I have had a really shitty life and even though i could figure out how to live on my own use the food bank etc I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT MY MOTHER!!!" "YOU ARE THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT I LOVE!"
She sort of dismissed it, trying to play it down I guess...I don't know.
After she sat down I asked her...: "Do you think we could put Grandpa in respite care for a couple weeks or so, just to give us a break?!"
"I, don't know, I'll have to think about it!".....
I'll bet, and if he did go, he'd just come back and somehow that would be worse. Why does she think killing herself is some how O.K. here? Why won't he just fucking die !?!?!?!?!?!!
God this is awful...
Jen hope things get better soon.
Hope everyone is O.K. where they are.
God bobbie you got that one right on....
a commercial for aging and elder hospice care came on right after we sat down, the tag about just being daughter again and getting help for this hard job....Oh God please!
luvCuz
Have a decent weekend all...
I had a turkey sandwich, vegetarian it was not. I was so excited, I shook as I made it!
I hate being a vegetarian....
I have to tell you about the cheese cake. Mom wanted to make a cheesecake for Thanksgiving dinner, I thought fine. She made it last summer with my recipe. It's with splenda instead of sugar, because she and my step dad are diabetic. Well, she must have left the splenda out completely this time. It was terrible. Even mom thought it tasted bad, but she thinks she put too much splenda in it.
"Well god d*mn it I can't, I just keeps, it keeps coming out !"
"Well I'm sorry, but you have to drink water to flush out your system, that's why you have got another UTI!"
goes to his room flops down in the LIFT CHAIR...you know the type of chair that lets you gently lower yourself down and up...Considering he just had a chest X ray for pain you think he'd......
"Don't you think it would have been easier to use the lift chair daddy?"
"Well Gid d*mn it, I can't, YOu the one THat tells me! to put it down!!!"
(total lie, he is the one who makes it an ordeal to set it back dpwn perfectly every god damn time he gets out of it...)
"l, Soory daddy, I'm sorry you don't want to drink water I am sorry you have a UTI, That's right just BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING!!!"
"I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR....."
he's gonna die soon right?...
Well God d*mnit!
Jen
I think we as caregivers forget:
They are DEMENTED. Therefore what comes out of their mouths is DEMENTED.
To be taken with not even a grain of salt and yes, Austin, you are correct, it is our job to live through it!
Not our job to take it to heart and have it kill us.
Jen! F**k it and don't listen to it. He's Demented and just tell him to shut the F**k up.
Yes, I know I don't know the microenvironment inside your situation but trust me, a little tough love on everyone involved is way better than succumbing to the crazy.
You will change when it hurts more to stay the same. Yes, that is tough to be sure.
Ow Ow Ow.
Speaking of tough, it turns out I have liver damage from the antibiotic that got rid of the C-Diff.
I don't know exactly how bad yet, but am doing everything I can to detox my liver and hope I don't fall victim to Hepititis or worse.
I couldn't understand why I didn't feel better and was so tired and shot out.
Bad decision making starting about 10 years ago when I began to caregive my mom, who is gone now and I miss her but not the insanity of Dementia.
Sorry, but even after being out of active caregiving for over 4 years I still wouldn't do it again. My health hasn't come back to anywhere near where I was before this stupid sh!t. Time has not softened any of it and I still feel that placement is the answer for many cases. Not all, so don't bother attacking me, but many.
I personally know of cases where the elder pooped themselves ONCE and the caregiver threw in the towel. Smart. Glad to know our pain serves to educate those coming behind us.
Hello to everyone and I hope your holiday season is going to be ok with all you all have to deal with.
lovbob
I too have a gut infection that requires meds, one of which could affect my liver. It is a hard choice. I alternate between the "safe" one and the other one. The safe one has some unpleasant side effects sometimes. So far my liver tests are OK. I read earlier that you were contemplating a fecal transplant and have wondered if it helped.
Hopefully your liver will recover. Wishing you all the best
Dr.'s nurse called, X rays inconclusive come back in ten days...What ever.
Back to AD tomorrow so we can get the shopping done...
No I have no idea the day it is...I am that out of it...
Stay warm everyone...Jen
Emjo, thank you and Jen and Austin and Sharynmarie.
Jen, so far we don't know if it's permanent and I am doing everything I can to heal my poor liver. Blood tests start this Monday and again on the 15th so we can see if I am making any progress.
Austin, I stopped all meds, red meat etc etc. I went with the recommendations of that book, Healthy Healing and got some herbs and spices to put together a program of stuff to make my liver happy instead of sad.
It's so foggy this morning I can't even see the end of the face dock. I love it. You can hear air horns going off in the ICW from boats who started out this morning when it wasn't so bad and are now moving slowly in this pea soup.
I hope everybody is doing ok. I'm reading every day but sometimes just don't have the energy to post… Just like so many of us.
Been thinking about everybody:
Mame, Kuli, Juju, DEEF!, Linda, Meanwhile, CUZ!,
Shoutout to Shanda because she told me she reads…. Go ahead and post!
I forgot everybody…Post and chew me out for tired memory.
love you guys,
lovbob
My step dad wanted to take mom out to dinner for their anniversary. Nice thought, but mom barely leaves the house. He would have to take her in the wheelchair. So talked him into picking up take out. Which is what he has had to do for the last several years. He seems to be forgetting stuff more often.