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I'm new here & I'm thrilled to have found a community of people offering support one another. I am young, single w no children, no sibs, no cousins & my mom w Alzheimer's is a widow. Suffice it to say that I truly am the it girl who is always on hence my screen name. I am her cook, washerwoman, financial manager and hands-on caregiver as she needs prompting (at least) doing EVERYTHING including putting clothes on in the proper order and eating a plate of food w/o it taking an hour. Now for the gross part. I am thrilled that she overcame ovarian cancer however the result was that she now has a colostomy. Daily she becomes fixated & removes the colostomy bag, is flying through expensive healthcare supplies, and for the past week has had fecal matter in my kitchen! I don't care about having to throw some food away but I certainly do not want to be sick from her having transferred traces of fecal matter and throughout my house. I have used Clorox, Lysol, Lysol with hydrogen peroxide, as well as enzyme products from the pet store yet my kitchen table still reeks! I sat down to have some Thanksgiving leftovers and the smell reached from underneath my plate, around the plate and punched me in the nose mid-chew. I'm CONSTANTLY cleaning and totally exhausted and that is when this sort of thing is happening. for her out of sight is out of mind so I always have to stash something in my office and lock the door or toss it in the basement or my bedroom before the sitter comes so there is only order in the common areas and her bed right now however it's maddening for the rest of my house to be a wreck. No good for type A personality! Either it's when I am trying to get control over the mess and reestablish order or in the basement doing the never ending stack of laundry, or in the middle of the night while I'm asleep and she's up wandering the house. Did I mention that there's always a race to find the colostomy bag also because sometimes it could be in the trashcan when she takes it off but other times it could be in the kitchen drawer! Then the question becomes who will find it first - will I get it first and be able to manage it or will the dog get it first and I have himself a snack? Bottom line is that I am all pooped out!
I too get grossed out watching mom eat. She has food hanging from her mouth and I want to tell her but it isn't worth her trying to remove it!! I needed a good laugh today!! Thanks!!
Maybe it is time for Mom to go into residential care. Have you considered that? Does she behave for the sitters? In her dementia she may just have found the ultimate way to push your buttons. There is no chance of changing that. Have you talked to her dr about some kind of medication to try and gomodify this behavior? This clearly can't go on. Do you own the house or does she? if you own you are in the clear for medicaid in a N/H if she owns you will have to have lived with her for a certain number of years before Medicaid can't seize it. If you are young she probably is too and could live for many years so don't give up your life. she will only get worse.
Itsagirl you are living the dream!!! bobbie glad you are o.k. if it is only a bit ok. I can't imagine fog there, all I see is blue water and the occasional alligator...We had fog same time here but it is also 30 degrees out. We had an uber fun day Friday night...Call form ADH, go up get him, nurse said he is wheezing...to Dr., Dr. said go to ER. Mom takes him to ER, They put him on fast track so it only takes three hours to see a physician...hmmmnn. Mom calls me and says they are on to blood tests urine tests, X rays of chest and then CT of gut.......I decide I AM NOT LEAVING MY MOM UP THERE ON HER OWN! So I grab her diabetic pill and some carrot and celery sticks and wheat thins and get a cab, HE CAN PAY FOR IT! Go in he is getting in to CT scan, Mom and I go and have snack lunch/dinner... tests come back...a few gall stones...BUT...Yes, this is the line. A lot of fecal matter packed in there....
Yes, I have the medical diagnoses finally, my grandfather....Is full of sh*t!
Well, 10 PM rolls around we are sent home with a prescription for Miralax and stool softeners...and yes him... unfortunately. he is told by three differnt people, nurses, doctors and the CT tech who LITERALLY said "the IV drip should help and you need to drink more water..." he turned his head and ignored them... I made sure to emphasize this point to mom so she doesn't make herself nuts thinking he is just ignoring her...When we get home she gets him some soup and her self half a pb sandwich...and she is really wiped out...She actually cried, I got up and hugged her, and she almost hugged me back. I let go when I felt her stiffen in discomfort at my touch as usual... She said, While she was sitting there it occurred to her, "You know what today is?" "Yeah, the day grandma died..." (2007)
Next day, she went and got his prescription...see if it helps...I don't know, I don't care. In the ER, it was creep ville as usual, I sat ON the floor till embarrassed staff brought an extra chair, when he couldn't see me he asked "Where is Jenny?". When I drank out of my water bottle he made some asinine comment about the size of it...Yes old man, least I am not laying in a hospital bed full of a weeks worth of feces! He'd comment on every move I made, every step I took...in his sicko creepy way...I never spoke to him once. My mother ,will probably put the ten dollars I used for cab fare back in his wallet with her own money. I know what I can do, go incognito and look up coffins on line...Granted grandma already had purchased there a decade ago, but it is a distraction... can't sleep, can't eat...funs-ville here...
When do we start baking cookies for the Hols?
Oh here's one. I felt bad for my aunt, she was out of town, seeing the daughter she loves and doing shopping and sightseeing in the big city and then she calls to let mom know they got home O.K. from a four day vacay, and mom hit her with this crap. Not mean, just the fact of it is awful, and my aunt feels like sh*t we do all the work and she can't do anything...That's just the way it is...
I imagine Grandpa is pissed off, but mom put her foot down and will countenance no arguing on his drinking the god damn water! and taking the Miralax (in water). She has had it with the crabbing. He treats having to drink a cup of water like he is being water boarded! The IV drip must have had some effect he managed to pee through the pads into the mattress. Mom has finally come to the conclusion that yes, she should have bought a full mattress cover for water proofing...No, I didn't say I told you so, there was no need to. Going through a lot of Lysol concentrate here...At least, when I do the laundry it blocks out the sounds from upstairs... Other than that, all is good here....pahahahahaaa Jen
Welcome Itgirl. Sometimes scented candles help with the smell. Can you write a note on her colostomy bag (DON'T TOUCH THIS)? Anyway, this site is for venting all you want.
Aww, Jen. I hate hospitals, and I worked in them for 25 years. But, your right they are so creepy sometimes. Maybe he is getting close to his last fart.... When I worked at the hospital elderly or terminal patients would start refusing food and water right at the end.
wish he would meanwhile... shopping is off again, as he has another dr appt tomorrow and no ADH, so who knows...maybe it is something fatal... made fits batch of give away Xmas cookies. it is good they taste good they were a bitch to make! mopped and cleaned get a shower and deal with what ever comes next...unless it is more yelling at my mother, I am getting really god d*mn tired of that!
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am past eighty-five). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?' 'Oh no,' I replied. I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?' 'I said, 'Not much ... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy! ''Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling? ''No, I don't,' I said. He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex? ''No,' I said ..
He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a sh*t
Staying on topic, I am grossed out yet again. Went to bed early to get a good nights rest only to wake up to my house smelling like a horrible open bottom non-flushing roadside rest stop! So I'm cleaning fecal matter all over moms room and Her person at 4:30 AM. Work is my only break (how sad is that!) unless I creep out to the gym once I'm sure she is asleep. Clearly there's a whole shi--y world of activity happening the moment I rest my head in an effort to recover from the shi--y day before! I refuse to eat at home out of my own kitchen after the last incident so I've put on about 10 pounds which does NOT work & makes me feel slow & tired those causing me to fall behind at the office. I feel guilty but am Working on getting her into a facility but it's slow going as have no help or time left to take off from work (I have used all of my days over the last several years and even gone into the red on my time). This is tooooo much but for now Im stuck like Chuck and just have to take it. I always to find something positive to focus on in our situation but I confess that it is difficult and exhausting
Sorry your mom is a shi!!ing machine. It really blows.
I have used the Clorox Germicidal Wipes, not the supermarket ones, but the hospital ones. Nothing is going to make this less gross but knowing that you are at least killing every microbe with these wipes and friction does help a little.
I found them on Amazon after I had to learn how to deal with my own C-diff and I have them on automatic delivery every month. I save a little and don't have to worry about running out. I believe that they have been the main reason I haven't relapsed. The wipes and the discipline to use them every time. Wipes me out! Oh haha I kill myself.
Good luck on the facility. Those that know me for all the time I have been posting know that I advocate for the caregiver and for the Dementia patient to be placed.
Caregiving Kills.
My health is still messed up and I am 4 years past active caregiving.
Cuz! always love to see your jokes and I hope that everyone is doing ok up there. You guys have had some insane weather!
Jen! good luck with this whole situation hopefully drawing to a close. I think of you every day.
Still wondering how Juju is and Mame and SharynMarie and and and …. Austin! Meanwhile! Kuli! Linda! Everybody!
Hey Itgirl…. you don't have to stay on topic on this thread. You can crack jokes or just be ticked off about the whole thing and vent vent vent.
We all roll like that for over 4 years now. Keeps us from finding a clock tower and sniping!
Thanks so much Bobbie for the consolation, empathy & the info about the wipes. Nice to see the support so willingly offered as this has been a very lonely, isolating, frustrating, financially draining, long winding road! Spoke with a facility today and they do have one room available in a locked memory unit or she would have her own single room and furniture from home. Now just trying to be the other family ( who wants it for their loved one ) to the punch. Made a few calls immediately afterward so now waiting for The doctor to reply and paperwork to be done. Still feel guilty because she's been so fantastic and such a wonderful gift to me that it just feels wrong to send her away. I guess that's the hurt scared little girl in me speaking because no one has ever loved me like she has & when she's gone I am all alone in this world. The adult me however knows & lives with the knowledge that this condition has morphed her into some loopy rebellious alien I no longer recognize - she's a stranger in my house and I must realize this is beyond what I can continue to do on my own. But then I think I could just get a sitter for more hours & hold on to her a while longer. Forgive me if you see repeated versions of the same post. I TRULY am struggling with letting her go because to me it is also A step closer to losing her from this life and just the thought of it breaks my heart. A double minded person is unstable but fortunately that's me right now. Thanks 4 listening.
My heart is breaking for you as you come to terms with Dementia and your mom. It's brutal to all involved and if you can find a good spot where you can spend time with her, you will become a daughter again.
This is the hardest thing to do ever. Nothing anyone can say can prepare you for the feelings that are on the way.
All we can say is that we're here and most of our stories are the same in that many of us have lost someone to Dementia and some of us have almost lost ourselves as well.
Please don't be hard on yourself because the situation is already hard enough. Just take the time you need to make your decisions and be good to yourself.
Just so you know, it can take 3 people to care for a late stage Dementia patient. Doing it on your own has the potential to destroy you and I know this from personal experience. You tear yourself up physically as well as mentally.
The disease is progressive as I am sure you know. It just gets worse and the increasing weight on the caregiver can be debilitating. I am so sorry.
We're here and there are so many amazing caregivers on this site and this thread that are listening. Vent on and talk it all out because we get it.
Itgirl you love your mother dearly and want to keep her safe and have the best possible care. It takes a team to do that and you are only one. Let her be some where that there are eyes watching her 24/7 and cleaning up one shitty mess is no different from the last one, However much they care and however much devoted service they give her, it is not their Mom and that is the difference. So be at peace with letting her go. Once she is settled you can spend as much time as you are able to without the worry of what is she going to do next. If she is able let her choose the furniture she wants in her room but make the final choice and keep it simple, there will not be room for much and a lot of clutter will confuse her. Get something familiar to go on her bed and a nice lap robe. Make sure it is washable because there will be spills. If you are buying new buy two of everything so she does not fret if something needs washing. She may not but many people are upset and confused when something is taken away to launder and can get very agitated looking for it. Above all be at peace with your decision it is the loving thing to do.
itgirl Bobbie and Victoria said it better then I can but I do agree-you still will be the most important person in her life and you will continue to care for her but just not 24/7-a caregiver knows when the time to make that hard I was complaining to my counselor at the time that know one understood what I was going through with the husband and she said that I was waiting for someone to rescue me and that was not going to happen-at first I was mad as hell at her but after a few days I said to myself she is right-soon after at a meeting at rehab I announced that he would have to be placed-everyone one there the nurses and PT and social workers all agree except the husband -he said no and I said you would not go to ADC and I did not make you even though I needed the break now this is not your decision in the end his health went downhill before I got the Medicaid paperwork done but I felt stronger making that decision and did rescue myself. You will get support here for sure because we all get it and I know family and friends do not get it-we belong to a special group of folks.
#alldayeveryday...basically... the hashtag for care giving... God we may be about "There" the cut off...He says he can't get up out of his chair...well if he can't he is out of here, because we have no room for a hoya lift (yes, my mother would get one if she could get it in my old room) She is really wiped out, and he never runs out of shit to complain about...
Question on the other side of screen here... "How do you deal with life after care giving?"
YOU HAVE ONE !!!!!
Yes, I am that bitter, that angry, that tired here...
What does he think, if it is to hard to get up out of the chair he can just sit in a dirty diaper for days on end? Does that really compute in his brain?!
Bobbie, I hope you are right and this is the close! cause anymore will kill us!
Bobbie, Victoria, Austin... Truly you are acquainted with the miriad of emotions connected with making this decision. Thank you for truly grasping how difficult this is as NO ONE who has not done this ever could. After doubt this alone 6yrs, I appreciate the support more than I can express. I guess I too have been waiting for someone to come and rescue me. Someone who would come and make it all better, make it alright. I guess this princess has got to figure out how to save herself because no one is coming. I've been trying to bathe her food in turmeric and use other homeo pathic cures and remedies enough to "fix" her. Sometimes she seems better- or maybe it's just my will-it-to-be-so wishful thinking.
I have her out running errands w me and she is now substituting words when she speaks so we are having 2 different conversations as she offers inarticulate nonsensical responses to me as I watch her sit next to me and fidget with her gloves in an almost feverish panic. The fidgety Hans I believe I would lead to the colostomy exploration and subsequent biohazard disasters. THIS WHOLE DADGUM THING SUCKS! Ok...Trading in my whine for some wine before bed :-) Feeling not quite as alone. Thank you all for that gift.
After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal "TSA Pat Down."
They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically,I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband:
"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice.
"Are you kidding me?" he barked,
"I dropped you off!"
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"
It girl it is sad that no one else gets it-once the church friends came over to our house to visit Richard and after being up most of the night dealing with his self imposed low blood sugar I was so tired I put my head down on the table and almost fell asleep and NO BODY NOTICED.
195Austin... I'm so sorry. Surely we don't continue caregiving (and all that comes with it) for recognition, nevertheless no one should have to feel invisible. People outside of the caregiving world pop in for 2 minutes then move on with their lives & have no stinking idea of the challenges with which we are left alone to contend. They are not aware of the ONGOING stress of constantly being on edge. They don't know about our repeated self denial of the simple pleasures they take for granted. They are clueless about our total exhaustion from sleep disturbance / deprivation. They may mean well but they do not know the cumulative effect of all of our responsibilities or our fluctuating ability to master them- lest they master us.
Caregivers do feel invisible -that is what I told our Director of our Office of the Aging a few weeks ago some of us former caregivers are. trying to get another caregivers support group going at our Senior Center.
Caregivers are invisible. they are the most important person on the team but they get the least amount of help and attention and frequently sh**t all over both literally and figurative. They are left on the hind t*t. Nurses are unfortunately treated the same way by their employers. They are the most vital part of the team but who works nights week ends and holidays often with no choice. The Admin staff enjoys holidays with their families, while even staff dining rooms may be closed or have very restricted service. Like all oppressed groups caregivers need to be recognised and rewarded.
All the work, none of the authority and a constant run around from health care staff who basically can't answer the big questions, like when is it health and when is it just the dying process...? If you are not here, if it is not your worry 24/7...if you don't lose sleep, your temper, you free time, your hobbies, your friends other family members, your job, or at least the full connection to it and your mind, if you are not bone tired weary worn out and wondering god can this get worse/ better/ Ever?...if you have not altered your whole world to the care function of another human being, you don't know care giving. I bet it starts out as giving, till you have given so much, it becomes a parasitic relationship that just sucks you dry, leading to depression, anxiety, damaged health and a feeling you are always, always missing something, late, forgetting something, screwing up, not enough, not here, not living anymore...
Yeah sign me up...
I can only half b*tch because I do not care for the subject of my care giving, if it was my mom, I'd be dead now. the veil of hate and resentment is a nice buffer for me. That his endless and increasing care is killing my Mother, just adds to my resentment... I'll do whats right, but I don't have to like it...or... "Glory in it.." tehehe Remember that one...
It's 3am. Heading to the airport for that stand up job. Be back in a week or so. Hope everyone keeps posting and remembers to Vent and Live. Love you guys.
Hey, Bob. Good luck with the stand up job. Let me know if you are near Chicago cuz I would love to come see your stand up!!! Jen, I'm so sorry your misery continues. I know caregiving for my dad took so much out of me and I will never be the same person I was before caregiving. But, in the end, I personally find myself thankful that I was able to give back to my dad for all he gave to me. I know it's not the same for everyone here and after all is said and done, if I didn't have the relationship I had with my dad, I would not feel the same. I still question if he wouldn't have had a better quality of life in an assisted living place where he would have had more interaction with other people his age, especially once he was not able to drive anymore. But, selfishly, I am grateful I had the time I had with him, getting to know him as not only my dad, but as a human being. Growing up I never realized how knowledgable and interesting he could be. So I am glad I had the chance to see that side of him. And I will always cherish the last few days with him, where he knew where he was headed even when I wanted to pretend like I didn't realize he was on his way to a "new destination". As a daughter as well as a nurse it has given me so much more perspective into the dying process. I wish all caregivers to find that same experience, that same reward, I guess, for all they have given up in the process. It won't change the whole experience but may make it, at least a little bit, worth it. Wishing all here a peaceful, rested holiday. I pray for all to have the strength to get through another day, another week, another month. Cheers~Kuli
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bobbie glad you are o.k. if it is only a bit ok. I can't imagine fog there, all I see is blue water and the occasional alligator...We had fog same time here but it is also 30 degrees out.
We had an uber fun day Friday night...Call form ADH, go up get him, nurse said he is wheezing...to Dr., Dr. said go to ER. Mom takes him to ER, They put him on fast track so it only takes three hours to see a physician...hmmmnn. Mom calls me and says they are on to blood tests urine tests, X rays of chest and then CT of gut.......I decide I AM NOT LEAVING MY MOM UP THERE ON HER OWN! So I grab her diabetic pill and some carrot and celery sticks and wheat thins and get a cab, HE CAN PAY FOR IT! Go in he is getting in to CT scan, Mom and I go and have snack lunch/dinner... tests come back...a few gall stones...BUT...Yes, this is the line. A lot of fecal matter packed in there....
Yes, I have the medical diagnoses finally, my grandfather....Is full of sh*t!
Well, 10 PM rolls around we are sent home with a prescription for Miralax and stool softeners...and yes him... unfortunately. he is told by three differnt people, nurses, doctors and the CT tech who LITERALLY said "the IV drip should help and you need to drink more water..." he turned his head and ignored them... I made sure to emphasize this point to mom so she doesn't make herself nuts thinking he is just ignoring her...When we get home she gets him some soup and her self half a pb sandwich...and she is really wiped out...She actually cried, I got up and hugged her, and she almost hugged me back. I let go when I felt her stiffen in discomfort at my touch as usual...
She said, While she was sitting there it occurred to her, "You know what today is?" "Yeah, the day grandma died..." (2007)
Next day, she went and got his prescription...see if it helps...I don't know, I don't care. In the ER, it was creep ville as usual, I sat ON the floor till embarrassed staff brought an extra chair, when he couldn't see me he asked "Where is Jenny?". When I drank out of my water bottle he made some asinine comment about the size of it...Yes old man, least I am not laying in a hospital bed full of a weeks worth of feces! He'd comment on every move I made, every step I took...in his sicko creepy way...I never spoke to him once. My mother ,will probably put the ten dollars I used for cab fare back in his wallet with her own money. I know what I can do, go incognito and look up coffins on line...Granted grandma already had purchased there a decade ago, but it is a distraction...
can't sleep, can't eat...funs-ville here...
When do we start baking cookies for the Hols?
Oh here's one. I felt bad for my aunt, she was out of town, seeing the daughter she loves and doing shopping and sightseeing in the big city and then she calls to let mom know they got home O.K. from a four day vacay, and mom hit her with this crap. Not mean, just the fact of it is awful, and my aunt feels like sh*t we do all the work and she can't do anything...That's just the way it is...
I imagine Grandpa is pissed off, but mom put her foot down and will countenance no arguing on his drinking the god damn water! and taking the Miralax (in water). She has had it with the crabbing. He treats having to drink a cup of water like he is being water boarded! The IV drip must have had some effect he managed to pee through the pads into the mattress. Mom has finally come to the conclusion that yes, she should have bought a full mattress cover for water proofing...No, I didn't say I told you so, there was no need to. Going through a lot of Lysol concentrate here...At least, when I do the laundry it blocks out the sounds from upstairs...
Other than that, all is good here....pahahahahaaa Jen
PHAHAHAAAHAHAAHAAAA
shopping is off again, as he has another dr appt tomorrow and no ADH, so who knows...maybe it is something fatal...
made fits batch of give away Xmas cookies. it is good they taste good they were a bitch to make! mopped and cleaned get a shower and deal with what ever comes next...unless it is more yelling at my mother, I am getting really god d*mn tired of that!
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am past eighty-five).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?' 'Oh no,' I replied. I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?' 'I said, 'Not much ... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!
''Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling? ''No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex? ''No,' I said ..
He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a sh*t
Ya, Stuck like Chuck is a good way to put it.
Sorry your mom is a shi!!ing machine. It really blows.
I have used the Clorox Germicidal Wipes, not the supermarket ones, but the hospital ones.
Nothing is going to make this less gross but knowing that you are at least killing every microbe with these wipes and friction does help a little.
I found them on Amazon after I had to learn how to deal with my own C-diff and I have them on automatic delivery every month. I save a little and don't have to worry about running out.
I believe that they have been the main reason I haven't relapsed.
The wipes and the discipline to use them every time.
Wipes me out!
Oh haha I kill myself.
Good luck on the facility. Those that know me for all the time I have been posting know that I advocate for the caregiver and for the Dementia patient to be placed.
Caregiving Kills.
My health is still messed up and I am 4 years past active caregiving.
Cuz! always love to see your jokes and I hope that everyone is doing ok up there. You guys have had some insane weather!
Jen! good luck with this whole situation hopefully drawing to a close.
I think of you every day.
Still wondering how Juju is and Mame and SharynMarie and and and ….
Austin! Meanwhile! Kuli! Linda! Everybody!
Hey Itgirl…. you don't have to stay on topic on this thread.
You can crack jokes or just be ticked off about the whole thing and vent vent vent.
We all roll like that for over 4 years now.
Keeps us from finding a clock tower and sniping!
Vent and Live!
lovbob
My heart is breaking for you as you come to terms with Dementia and your mom. It's brutal to all involved and if you can find a good spot where you can spend time with her, you will become a daughter again.
This is the hardest thing to do ever. Nothing anyone can say can prepare you for the feelings that are on the way.
All we can say is that we're here and most of our stories are the same in that many of us have lost someone to Dementia and some of us have almost lost ourselves as well.
Please don't be hard on yourself because the situation is already hard enough.
Just take the time you need to make your decisions and be good to yourself.
Just so you know, it can take 3 people to care for a late stage Dementia patient.
Doing it on your own has the potential to destroy you and I know this from personal experience.
You tear yourself up physically as well as mentally.
The disease is progressive as I am sure you know. It just gets worse and the increasing weight on the caregiver can be debilitating.
I am so sorry.
We're here and there are so many amazing caregivers on this site and this thread that are listening. Vent on and talk it all out because we get it.
lovbob
If she is able let her choose the furniture she wants in her room but make the final choice and keep it simple, there will not be room for much and a lot of clutter will confuse her. Get something familiar to go on her bed and a nice lap robe. Make sure it is washable because there will be spills. If you are buying new buy two of everything so she does not fret if something needs washing. She may not but many people are upset and confused when something is taken away to launder and can get very agitated looking for it.
Above all be at peace with your decision it is the loving thing to do.
God we may be about "There" the cut off...He says he can't get up out of his chair...well if he can't he is out of here, because we have no room for a hoya lift (yes, my mother would get one if she could get it in my old room) She is really wiped out, and he never runs out of shit to complain about...
Question on the other side of screen here...
"How do you deal with life after care giving?"
YOU HAVE ONE !!!!!
Yes, I am that bitter, that angry, that tired here...
What does he think, if it is to hard to get up out of the chair he can just sit in a dirty diaper for days on end? Does that really compute in his brain?!
Bobbie, I hope you are right and this is the close! cause anymore will kill us!
All this and Christmas cookies too...
Have a sane, safe weekend all...Jen
I have her out running errands w me and she is now substituting words when she speaks so we are having 2 different conversations as she offers inarticulate nonsensical responses to me as I watch her sit next to me and fidget with her gloves in an almost feverish panic. The fidgety Hans I believe I would lead to the colostomy exploration and subsequent biohazard disasters. THIS WHOLE DADGUM THING SUCKS! Ok...Trading in my whine for some wine before bed :-) Feeling not quite as alone. Thank you all for that gift.
After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal "TSA Pat Down."
They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically,I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition.
He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband:
"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice.
"Are you kidding me?" he barked,
"I dropped you off!"
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"
Welcome to the golden years..............
"Pour some hydrogen peroxide on it, if it bubbles, it's blood..."
I got it, poured some, nothing... too bad....
I bet it starts out as giving, till you have given so much, it becomes a parasitic relationship that just sucks you dry, leading to depression, anxiety, damaged health and a feeling you are always, always missing something, late, forgetting something, screwing up, not enough, not here, not living anymore...
Yeah sign me up...
I can only half b*tch because I do not care for the subject of my care giving, if it was my mom, I'd be dead now. the veil of hate and resentment is a nice buffer for me. That his endless and increasing care is killing my Mother, just adds to my resentment... I'll do whats right, but I don't have to like it...or... "Glory in it.." tehehe Remember that one...
Jen
Heading to the airport for that stand up job.
Be back in a week or so.
Hope everyone keeps posting and remembers to Vent and Live.
Love you guys.
lovbob