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Good late evening Caregiver Friends,
57 notifications on my wall. sigh. I read them all and pretty tired tonight. Not from reading you all. Never. You are the bread and butter of my day, the cherry on top of my Sundae, the various assorted, uh, vegetables in my salad. Crudites, all.
I am sitting in the dark, my hubby on my right, snoring, the mommy monitor on my left, snoring, clicking away--ok, HB, I'll get a new one, or at least change the batteries. The only light is my laptop screen, and the digital time on my hd box. GEEZE! Had to tell hubby to turn over, scared the hell out of me, and Mother's snores and wave-like breathing is lulling me toward sleep, but not yet.
How do I feel about caregiving, and the caregivers I pay to help me? First, I have so much respect for our weekday lady. She has much experience, is so patient. While I am in the next room making faces and being irritated by Mother's non-stop fidgeting, she is calmly marching her around the house, telling her to pick up her feet, 1,2,3. She does her job well, and is honest, saying "Mother is the most difficult client she has ever had". I believe it. She has told me she "likes to stay with her clients until the end." So that tells me she is committed, and will do what it takes, and that is comforting to me! Wow. Something to depend on in this unpredictable craziness of caring for a woman who used to be my Mother.
People have told me I'm a good daughter. I think if I didn't have the thoughts I have, I would be a pretty good daughter.
If I am taking the responsibility, adjusting my once independent and freedom filled life to incorporate caring for my Mother in my home, and I am providing the best care possible for her, then a little griping is harmless.
I can compare the rationalizing of this griping to the story of the man who complained because he had no shoes, until he saw a man who had no feet.
We complain and we vent, while we are doing a tough job. We inject humor and some vulgarity for shock value, and we continue to do the job. We get support from each other, from husbands, our friends, or we don't, but we keep doing the job.
Pressure valves exist for a reason. One can pretend to be Mother Teresa for just so long, then 'poof', you turn into Jack Nicholson in the Shining, and you've let the proverbial cat out of the bag.
Whatever the classification, you can do the job, with or without venting, but venting keeps you humbly, honestly human.
I also think having a good pity party cry is cleansing and renewing, and should be done periodically. This is not a thing to become a daily or weekly habit, but it's certainly a good thing.
If you start to get hysterical and feel on the edge of--your computer, say--definitely go have a good cry. Then get over it. Over and over again.
Think Pressure Valve. Pillow Therapy, Bobbie style.
My other caregiver, bless her heart, is in way over her head. She cannot do the job because of personal problems. I have reduced her responsibilities three times and kept her pay the same, trying to help her out, because of her personal problems. But I don't NEED any more problems. I need help; solid, dependable help. Mother needs to feel her caregiver is there for her, and is a constant; not a constant annoyance.
I think anyone who is a paid caregiver has a pretty remarkable persona. Some of their qualities are simple, while others show the depth of an avatar. Very few souls have graced the earth who embody these qualities, but I can think of a few.

BTW: Rosella, I was not complaining. Meow, Meow, Yee Haw!
Ride'm Cowboy!! dadalump, dadalump, dada lump lump lump!

Ladeeda, please be careful. I'd turn in those morons next door. Then come help me with a ladylike but difficult patient:)
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This is mythical and deep.
Truly beautiful...
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.
He replied, "She called Five Horses".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered,
"It old Indian Name. It mean...

NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!
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Thought you would appreciate a heads-up on this scam.

Older men scam!

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.

Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle.

They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex in skimpy T-shirts.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start
undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other
one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Mar. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th,
24th, & 29th. Also Apr. 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th &
27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)
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Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
Dr.. Jones, at your cervix
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
Time wounds all heels
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
On a Proctologist's door:
To expedite your visit, please back in
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed
**************************

On another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber
**************************
On a Church's Bill board:
7 days without God makes one weak

************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout
**************************
On a Tow Truck:
We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows
**************************

On an Electrician's Truck:
Let us remove your shorts
******** ******************
In a Non-smoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
Push Push Push

*************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for
you've come to the right place
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff
**************************

On a Fence:
Salesmen welcome!
Dog food is expensive!
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet
Miss a car payment
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary
We hear you coming
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
**************************
At the Electric Company
We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be
*************************

In a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry
come on in and get fed up
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully.
We'll wait.
**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:
Thank heaven for little grills

************************

CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
Best place in town to take a leak

*********************
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Thanks miz, I am headed that way now. you get some rest also, we have to do all this fun shit again tomorrow....
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Shame shame shame on us for being human.
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Night, ladeeda. Rest well.
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rossellamex I will post on your wall tomorrow all the gory details. I am so tired, I need to go to bed and sleep while she is sleeping. Thanks for all your concern, and no I have no authority to do anything, not yet anyway, I'll explain tomorrow.
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Goodnight Everyone!!

love,
miz
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Ladeeda, I looked for some information on your wall and I did not find any. The lady you are taking care of is your relative? Have you got any power to decide what to do with her? Jokes apart, it seems to me the situation is quite dangerous for both of you. Can't you film her when she is having one of these crisis and show the film to their relatives, and if they still continue with this stupid-criminal attitude of no-meds, you can really address to social services... or to 911 or whatever. I don't know what I am talking about because I have not enough elements to judge, but at that stage of Alzheiner you cannot live without meds. Please tell us something more so we can help you more. This is a situation you can't accept-

Headbanger, I understand now the uphill shit. It is different for us. My mother, if she does it during the night of the early hours of the morning, when I sleep, she tries to conceal it and in doing so she spreads it everywhere. And I mean everywhere, in the whole house (when I sleep, I sleep hard) And then she says that the dogs and cats did it. I think you know that part of the comedy!
Angie glad to see you back, darling!
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I think three butter knives and a banana is going to be an on going phrase here like poop soup and OBMAJ...
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LaDeeda::

I once heard Dr. Ruth say, “Ladies…you keep a cucumber on the counter and no one will be the wiser.”

I wonder what Dr. Ruth would say about keeping 3 butter knives and a banana down your diddie?

These are the things I ponder as I try to make sense of someone else’s dementia. I CLEARLY don’t have a handle on my own.

Laugh when you can sweetie! I am sending you tons of love and strength so you don’t go bananas.

Love, HB
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That's a good thing. :)
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Smart enough to try and fill out the Wal mart form for jobs here.....

doggies...
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J, I totally agree with you. You are a smart woman.
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Goodnight Sweet Linda. :)
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Yep, my sore throat is a carma-chameleon. It comes and goes...
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jam I know...what you mean...I guess these are gonna come up now and then, maybe they think if we complain about it we are Not giving good care giving? I think if the person is safe and clean and not being yelled at or hit or disrespected to their face they are being cared for.... Who didn't grouse about child care now and then, or work when it is a pain in the ass?...Why is it. religion, societal pressure fear that when it is parental (or grand parental) it is some how evil to say yeah I am tired and worn out and pissed?...
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damn if you do damn if you dont . mmmm what to do ??
:-) hi jsomebody , good to hear from you .
been to walmart 157 dollars plz . i looked at my sister and said what in the hell did we get ? less than half cart , sis said dad s briefs and padding . 5 bucks 10 bucks 499 , blahblah , i dont see any 2 for 50 cent anymore , i see 2 for 8 bucks ! oh baloney plzzzzz . whats for supper tmr ? i dont know ....
ladee- i be callin 911 if shes freakin out pacing doors to doors . i took dad to er cuz he would look straight at my eyes and yell help melinda plz help me . i said ok dad what can i help u with ? he said i need help with help .... he sounded like a broken record , says it over and over non stop , it freaked me out i said uhh ure going to ER . this is not normal , thinkin its his heart maybe ?
well it s dementia i didnt know that was all part of dementia , i felt bad and learned alot , alz they do need the calmin down pills .... sometimes i have to give dad his zannie cuz he be a broken record . HELP ME LINDA OH PLZZ HELLLPPPP! over and over . freaks me out . here dad take a zannie , then he s calmed down .
you know sometimes i still hear it , i go runnin to ck on him uhh he s sleeping like a baby , i swore i heard him screamin , moaning , whimpering . i am so afraid when he goes to a better place i ll prob still hear him ! hubby said oh honey ure brainwash . :-/
goodnight you all xoxo
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J....I'm sorry to say I almost disappeared today because I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me when I couldn't jump up and down and clap my hands with a giggle whenever the col has a bowel movement, or digs around in her rotten teeth for food snacks, or squeezes the pee out of her wet undies, or any number of other maladies that are supposed to make me such a proud caregiver. I am so tired of being preached to about how thrilled I should be that a great part of my life is in the crapper because I care for someone who can't care for themselves. There are good days when I will bend over backwards to make her day happy and carefree...there are those other days when she can take a long walk off a short pier.......but my care doesn't change....she will get clean undies, bathed in warm water and yes I turn her thermostat to 78 degrees and become a sweathog to make sure she is toasty warm during bath time....and end the day with a good meal regardless of how she acts. I may bitch and moan because I am only 57 yrs old with a husband who is now home to spend time with...it's hard to just take off and go to lunch just because we want to......I didn't know I was signing onto this job when I said "I do".....but I am and will continue what I'm doing and I will continue to bitch and moan when it gets to the point I'm either looking for pillows or waiting for a bus to go by, or looking fondly at a window.
Hugz to all of my fellow caregivers who are now jumping up and down clapping your hands because someone has pooped!
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J...I love my grandmother so much. I am doing the best I can. I am a very compassionate caregiver to her. I am loving, gentle and very patient. I can't do it without venting. Venting is saving my life. Venting is allowing me to let go of resentment.

I went to the bathing thread. CG101's head must be in the "blackhole" in her universe. Sylvester is now my hero...OH SNAP!
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That's right, J. None of it is simple. It just is, like you said, part of life.
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GAA, I think it was inevitable...Such a emotionally loaded issue. Washing the body and caring for the failing in facilities of an elderly person in the family. It is just part of life..but in the "just" is a situation loaded with raw emotion, anger, irritation, sadness, resentment, wishful thinking, guilt, fear....why should any of this be easy. Do it, don't do it, make a choice, make a choice by Not making a choice...Feel tied down, feel glad to be of use to someone who needs you..Yeah why should That be simple...
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wow. Who'da thought a thread on bathing could get so dirty? Loved it.
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HB! "Can't reach that deep"??? Your a friggin GEM!
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No, the answer is: Floyd
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Ha! J- I think the answer is; All of them?
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Good Evening! I WAS going to tell you how my day was but after reviewing the daily posts I feel compelled to respond to my family in captivity. Like really compelled…like I could go on for days and days, non-stop…BINGO!

PEACH! Not only is she back…but she left a loaded post totally unprotected where I could LOLz myself to the verge of seizure before I can find the words to respond.

You did say I could “have my way” with your post and I’m breathing heavy already. You left me wondering if you have been keeping up with the posts for the past two days? In a den full of COUGARS a husband with the libido of a teenage boy is something to be admired. I’d store that affection up like a grandma hoards her paper products (her pockets are deep). Take full advantage of BINGO especially if he cuddles afterwards. Ok Meg Ryan….I’ll have what you’re having.

On a more serious note, if the medication is making him sick in any other way I’d ask the doctor to discontinue it. Otherwise I’d just SMILE.

I also enjoyed the hot pink redneck wedding. All her bridesmaids should be strung up. It is their fault she wore the pink. You KNOW someone told her “Oh Sissy, in that hot pink prom dress and sparkly head do-hicky…no one focuses on your teef. You looks just like cotton candy at the fair I sware, and no baby, it don’t make your ass look fat.”

Jam: If I smiled every time grandma pooped it would seriously compromise my wrinkle reduction program. I just can’t pretend to be that happy wearing plastic gloves. It just doesn’t happen. Maybe a proctologist can be that happy…I can’t reach that deep.

Christina: I have only admiration for you sister. Moo, moo, moo, moo! Who doesn’t love a man with a swagga and spurs? You don’t even have to wait for your Mom to poop to smile. I bet you are smirking all the time! You go girl.

Laleeda: Hon I just pray for you. Your situation is over the top and I hope you can get her on a nice medication regimen before something serious happens. She sounds so agitated and since you are being passive and not escalating her mood she is just winding herself up. Something has got to give and it can’t be you. If I have anything to be really grateful for, it is that with her dementia, grandma is not mobile. If she tries to make it to the margarine she doesn’t get anywhere fast. I do have a cereal story for you though. It will have to wait for another day, this post is getting pretty long.

Ted: Glad you have gotten some rest.

Rosella: When it comes to Bulls and BINGO…it does beat kissing cats. Maybe together we can convince P & C to enjoy the ride. And you asked how shit can go uphill? I have only an illustration. I know, I know….pictures or it didn’t happen, but sometimes my life is like a giant crapper in a deep-freeze…you better pray that the thaw comes gentle, otherwise you are up to your ankles in septic. Shit can back up a hill.

Miz: You need to kick that freeloading sore throat out. It is so strange that it is going away and coming back like that. I hope you find a wonderful home. I know you will. I can feel it.

Bobbie: Officer Peter Piper here…. I’m sorry ma’m, but your post shows pre-meditated “pickle” abuse. If you have fat broccoli and rubber bands in your refrigerator you CAN be arrested for probable cause.

Angie: Nice to meet you. I hope you don’t judge me on this post alone…Peach put me up to it. She asked for my advice.

To everyone…I am thoroughly entertained tonight. I had full day of respite in glorious weather and then this thread? OMG I am strolling in high cotton. It doesn’t get better than this…unless you are Peach. *winks*
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I hadn't thought of that Ted...I am too naive and wrapped up in it...Showing the world how perfect they are...there is that. Some genuinely must love the work and care but some have got to be faking it. Maybe that doesn't matter either.

If:

A: Is a care giver and never complains no matter how horrid the tasks.

and

B: Is a care giver and does the work no matter how horrid but does complain...

and

C: Doesn't do the work of care giving but complains...

and

D: Doesn't do any care giving work and doesn't complain...

How many oranges does it take to fill Denmark?




In the whole frickin universe and all of time and space does my referring to my despised, pervert of a grandfather as: "fart pants" really matter?...

Only to me, only to me...

And if there is some sort of judgment in the Next for it...I will take it!
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Ladee, you are MOST DEFINITELY a HERO!!!!
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