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If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......
The 2.99 Special We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. 'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.' 'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her. 'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously. 'YES!' stated the waitress. 'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.. 'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked. 'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.. DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! WE'VE been around the block more than once!
BJ, Welcome to the thread & for trying to help us to solve a problem, so we wouldn't be so stressed out at added caregiving responsibilities! I think being a canine behaviourist would be interesting! My husband has a medical service dog that I helped to train. Love to see what they're capible of! She still amazes us at what she can do!
Miz, so glad that you got home OK! Are you feeling any better? I hope so! Doc visit in your near future?? Bet the kitties were glad to see you or are they snubbing you for leaving them? Gracie can be so moody sometimes, but she's a cat & good at it! OH, did Illinois win?
Jen, I still say you need to be a writer! You have such a way with words! You & Rip, both!
Jam, I'm sorry that your mil is giving you such a hard time! Is there any way you can go away for a couple of days?
gonna get ready for bed & hoping all of you guys will rest well! Rossella, don't work too hard, tonight! OK?
They are like Ten Commandments to follow in life all the time.
1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout life.
2] Do you know why a car's windshield is so large & the rear view mirror is so small? Because our past is not as important as your future. Look ahead and move on .
3] Friendship is like a book. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write .
4 ) All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last forever either.
5] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, "Relax, it's just a bend, not the end!
6] When God solves your problems, you have faith in His abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems He has faith in your abilities.
7] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.
8] Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7
Faith is not believing that God can, it is knowing that God will.
FROM ONE FRIEND TO ANOTHER . Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there!!! 'In God We Trust'
Jen, I certainly agree with your perspective about caring for our loved ones, and I read the article this morning. I had my Mother in what is called a "residential care home" in California. It is a house in a regular neighborhood, modified with roll in showers, a live-in caregiver couple, or male and female, typically Filipino. It's a "family atmosphere"--they have their own rooms, or 2 might share a room for a lesser cost. They eat breakfast together, then each one is taken to get showered, teeth brushed, and dressed, and then PLUNKED-- for the majority of any given day-- on the sofa or assorted recliners around a giant flat screen, which most of them think is a WINDOW, and whatever is on the tv, is really happening in the living room. I was working full time when my Mother's husband passed in 08, and I could not continue driving 5 hours every Friday to her home. My brother--who lived in her town-- and my sister, who, "thinks I am the best person to do the job", agreed that I should bring her to OC. I researched online, found a service to help me place her, and I trusted the owner. It was a beautiful home, but other than that, I didn't have any idea what to expect. This was a new frontier. After about 3 months, the "house call doctor" put her on Seroquel a couple times a day and a sleeping pill. I didn't know the right question to ask at the time; Like, "so why are you putting my Mother on an anti-psychotic drug, and a sleeping pill, when she sleeps just fine, but wakes up to pee"? Mother was the only resident not wearing "overnight disposable underwear", and the live-in caregivers were getting really tired of her calling them every couple of hours to pee. Oh, how I understand. I became unemployed after Christmas of 09 and had more time to visit Mother. Last summer, something started eating at me, and I was going over every day at one time or another, and what I was seeing was frustrating. Think of any one of us, day in and day out, taking care of our "charge", but times 6. OGMAFB!!! The minimally trained caregivers, although devoted to the job, are human and have their breaking points. Show me one more compassionate person, acting like a phony Mother Teresa, and I will scream. My husband and I were addressing the owners--lovely people, really, who housed her 90 something parents in their OWN HOME--and they would give us the run-around about how behaviors were being handled. Mother started falling out of bed at night, and had terrible bruises. No one knew anything. After 3 bad falls in 2 weeks, my generous husband suggested we bring her with us, as it had never entered my mind. Oh, you imbecile. Fast forward: now, I have the perspective of seeing her in the home, and having her here. Dementia and Alzheimer's are, to me, unpredictable to the novice caregiver, and there seems to be NO STANDARD TREATMENT that is proven or effective. I believe, having this perspective, it is the compassionate choice to FIRST have the parent with you in your or their home, whatever the arrangement. My husband and I have decided, that as soon as we are unable to PHYSICALLY care for my Mother, we will move her into a local home, run by a male RN, with a Masters in Geriatric Pharmacology, who believes in lessening drugs as the dementia progresses. Mother's current psychiatrist agrees with this approach, and he is in her corner 100%. We are committed to give Mother the very best of our love and care until she is totally out of it. How will I know that? Well, I'm going to trust God and listen to His prompting, the way I determine every decision in my life. I am not impulsive, and I tackle hard work. Both my husband and I will let it go a bit longer, just to make sure. I have already ruined my shoulder, gained weight, never get a full night's sleep, and have lost most privacy in our home. I agree that caregivers should not know the history of one's patient, so the care they give is unbiased. I also believe that a person--whether in the womb, or 90 something demented years old, is as valid as you or I. This point I see as very telling. I will not get into ethics or tell you the values or beliefs of other family members; it is I doing the job. Finally, I would like to say to JAM: YOU do not need to explain, justify, or defend anything you do with COL! Not to us, or anyone. Let all who read this thread be informed and educated, heard and acknowledged. Thanks for missing me SSK:) I appreciate it. Linda, your hair sounds beautiful! If hubby likes it, whoo hoo! Pirate Queen, have a balanced weekend:) Miz: try the Lysol thing that Jam (or Maxine?) suggested. Yuck It's a lousy virus, and it might come back once, but you will survive it:) Hubby has it again. going to Dr. Monday morning. SS: I like the photo idea. If I did that with my brother, it would be the "deer in headlights" scenario. But, good luck. Hugs. Peach: love and hugs, hope you feel better. Deefer, miss your wisdom in the mornings. Rosella, Rosella, Bella, you are the "Cat's Meow" Headbanger, you make me laugh, love your rants. Ted, you awesome man! I respect you and your finesse. Cuz, faithful funnies, Bless YOU ! Truecolors, how's Mom, how's work? miss you:) Newbies--this must be the place. Stay long enough to know that. Let's come up with the "Golden Toothbrush Award." HMMM? Maxine: hello? BonnieO, Dtflex:) xoxoxo Bobbie: did you find the Butterscotch Square yet? It's a brown sugar texture, milk chocolate. You must be having fun and crying a lot over all the LOVE sent to you:)) The Love is lasting, but NOT the chocolate... LOVE TO ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS!!! christina
I think it was good you got to see your friend before she passed...Glad you are home OK I think house faeries went union a while back and they are really hard to get now A lot of OSHA qualifiers and stuff...
I have seen that Gnomes are working again though but now they have that movie they will be in really high demand....
Hey bobbie!!! Glad you got the stuff, You do so much for everyone else it was time we all did something for you! Hope you enjoy your funs and remember we are all grateful for this thread you started and for your support, advice, humor, encouragement and defense from bullies!!! Jen
Hi Everyone. We are home. Kitties are good. House is still filthy. I guess the house fairies didn't feel like cleaning either. I had two messages on my home phone and it turns out my friend in the nursing home passed away while we were gone. I missed her visitation and funeral. I am very sad. She was so dear to me. I've known her since I can't remember and she was really good and kind to me when I was a kid. I went and saw her before we left for Florida and I am so glad I did. It was a day where I had done some running and I was tired but something told me I really needed to go see her. Turned out she had been sick and was in bed in a hospital gown. I am so very glad I went that day. I told her that day that something told me I needed to go see her and she said "The Lord works in mysterious ways." Yes, He does. I am sad but she was not happy and had not been for years. She's at peace now and that's good and I can picture her and Mom having a happy conversation up in heaven.
K, I'm gonna go for now. Eating soup. Take good care, Everyone and tell the ones you love that you do.
You know, after four years of this "situation" I am beginning to believe nursing homes are a good thing and there for a reason. One it is a paid service, it is responsive to the state and issues of health and welfare and hygiene and safety are of legal import and they are looking after clients, people they do not have a life long history of knowing. Whether you had a good child hood or a poor one, you have had (presumably) a lifetime with these people AND even if you love them and wish to care for them you can just be overwhelmed both with the often onerous, and constant tasks of careing for them as well as over loading on their company. If the relationship you had with this person was strained or abusive in your past, it really makes for a compounded mess of feelings of resentment, obligation, guilt and just bone weariness over the whole thing... At a nursing home, they are a client, everyone is equal, there are standards of care and the comfort of distance. You may very well have a nurse at the home who loves the client but they won't have the emotionally loaded life history as well, clouding issues of care and the stresses it entails... I do understand not wanting to "Throw away a loved one" as if that is what it is. The desire to not abandon Mother or Father to strangers...But I honestly wonder if that might, under all these other issues BE the best choice for many of us?... When we have gotten to the point where we have sacrifced our time, our other relationships with children, spouse friends even other siblings, when we are literally wearing ourselves to shreds, working ourselves into sickness has it not gone too far? "They took care of us..." Yes, when we were children...To the expense of all else? Did they run themselves into an early grave, dissolve partnerships, neglect their own health too look after us? Did they really? I don't see it. A child works it self into Your life and you adjust...care giving for an elderly parent or grandparent becomes your life and it consumes you bit by bit. The article mentions friends slipping away, spouses threatening divorce, work suffering...That IS YOUR LIFE! It isn't even a good excuse to say "Well you can have a life later stop complaining.."...When? People do not have expiration dates stamped on them... Some people take on care-giving as a necessary for the time being that leaches away decades of their life...Well this is part of your life they say...No it becomes all of your life and somehow just because you are related by blood, it is allowed to and you are informed by some that you should not only Not feel angry, ripped off or confused... you should feel blessed to have the opportunity to waste away under the yoke of this extended period of a loved ones dying. A process that is becoming so common in the West with the "wonders of modern medicine", stretching the lifespan not only beyond use and health but beyond reason and sense... Why wouldn't this be an upsetting, horrifying, isolating burden...We are not trained nurses, or therapists but we are expected to take on these positions, along with handling there business issues, scheduling their lives, driving them here and there to appointments, making sure they don't come to harm or harm themselves out of stubbornness or dementia issues...Caring for a once strong, competent loved one as if they are a recalcitrant child at the expense of every other human relationship in our lives....WHY!!! If you have Guilt, Love, Family Loyalty, God Issues, Like to be dumped on by life, need to feel needed, don't trust anyone else to do it, fear the loved one feeling abandoned, Enjoy being stressed out and worked to death, or just feel it is you Duty to the loved one...You are better off than some...Though it doesn't lesson the work, it may ease the burden...But for some of us...I really think paying someone who is trained to give the correct care for the person in question is the way to go.... For me...Unfortunately it is not my decision to make...But I can tell you...For my mother, caring for her father falling under all those reasons above.......even she is starting to question this task she has taken on...And she loves her father...She has had only two months of what I have had to deal with for four years........and she....is really not sure about this anymore.....and yet it goes on.....
Bjhutter.......thanks for your input. I don't hate my mil....and yes it's the disease I hate. As long as this woman is getting her way she is an angel and so easy to deal with.....but tell her she can't or shouldn't do something and she becomes a hateful, screaming old crone. She globs on blackest black mascara to the point it's embarrassing to be seen out in public with her. It smears under her eyes and they tear up and run. She used to wear individual false lashes and would wear them so long that one day sitting in a restaurant the waitress was looking at her funny....lashes were falling off and stuck to her face. She has beautiful white hair, which she insists on wearing past her shoulders, her bangs are stick straight and hang in her eyes. She puts hot rollers in her hair, just randomly on top and the sides....never touches the back and won't take some help. These hot rollers are nasty, caked with hair and hairspray. Then she puts big, long pieces of toilet paper over her ears to keep them from burning and of course won't wear her hearing aids while doing this. She fell at least twice before we moved her close to us...her front teeth are chipped and black and she REFUSES to go to the dentist. Now for the dog.....when I tell her to let him out more often, her excuse is "I never see him potty in the house"...duh.......she has trained this little guy to potty by telling him to "go be a good boy"....on that's real helpful when you are petting him or want to praise him. Then she stands at the back door and watches him.....he hikes his leg once, heads back inside and she lets him in. We have told her to stop that, walk away and let him wander. My goodness, we have 7 acres of ground here!!! But she thinks he will die if he is outside. And by the way, this is a yorkie mix...20 lbs...the vet wants him to lose weight and she will fix him a frozen Banquet dinner and give it to him and if you say anything to her, she will give you this snide little smile and say "he's so cute" and IGNORE anything. There is a possibility that he has a cancer on his bottom. About a month ago I noticed blood on him, took him to the vet, went and poked medicine down his throat twice a day to get him cleared up, all the while she won't stop feeding him "people food", which gives him diarrhea. Yesterday I saw his whole bottom covered in poop.....bathed him and bad spot is back on his bottom. So now I get to take him back to vet and try to figure out what she is feeding him to cause the continuous problems. And she is about the most ungrateful creature I have ever encountered. Hate her....no I don't.....today she has made me miss my own mother something horrible. I wish I could just talk to her and tell her how much I appreciated her but no I get to be screamed at. Time to take her night meds.....but told hubby he has to go with me to run interference. Since she is not getting her mascara back, I might need protecting....lol Thank you rossella.........you are an angel. Glad miz gets to sleep in her own bed tonight.....you will feel better. Hope everyone has peace in your lives tonight.... Hugz to all!
OMG I just got enlightened. I was telling hubby a story about what one of the caregivers on the thread is going through and he says what, is this a joke. He seriously thought I was telling a joke. That's how warped and demented our lives are/were. You could not make this stuff up. Wow. He in no way was insulting. Simply thought I was telling a joke. LOL I don't tell jokes that well. Anyway, there ya go. (I think I'm starting to talk a bit like Bobbie.) I'll call them Bobbieisms or something. Sorry All, I'm tired, sick and goofy AND if that weren't bad enough, back in Illinois.
Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago (not really) and it went straight to my head. Wherever I may roam. On land or sea or foam. You'll always a hear me singin' this song. Show me the way to go home.
Just missin' the kitties. Own bed always sounds good too although I sure had no trouble sleeping on the BOAT!!
Yep, we're on the home stretch. Traveling from Indianapolis to home in our own car. We'll be there about 5:30 central time. :))
love, miz
P.S. Jam, you're beautiful, love ya. Would col let you do her makeup? Prolly not. Just askin'. :)
BTW, the dog Jam talked about belongs to her mother in law and her mother in law does not allow the dog to go out.... It's not the dog's fault , he would go out if he could! If you follow our stories a little bit more, you will understand... Stay with us! I'm Italian and I have an Alz mother as stubborn as a donkey....
Bjhutter, nobody hates anybody. We just vent because we think it helps us not to get crazy. The title of the thread is: "Need to vent?" It's difficult sometimes to be rational and say "poor one, it's not her fault, it's her illness, this is not her anymore". Sometimes you are just overwhelmed by your life. Sometimes it happens you lose your patience! We are human beings, not angels. At least, I am not....
Jam, the joke is great. With my mother it would not be thunders and lightnings, it would be the "mumble mumble mumble" of the clouds when the thunderstorm is about to burst... Constant mumble mumble mumble.
Please dear friend, remember to hate the disease NOT the person, ok? Also, go and buy her the waterproof mascara. I use Great Lash, pink tube. I"m a canine behaviorist so sometimes I suggest to the clients one thing we can do is remove the trash can out of sight, buy a smaller one that will fit under the sink. Also, if you see him going towards the area where the can was tell him, "let's go pottie" and walk him outside, after he's done, praise him and let him back in. Hope this helps... :)
His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
Hey Jam ~ You just made the 9,800th post so maybe that'll make you feel better? I can imagine your tension! Cripes! Bacteria is bacteria Almay or not. Where did these women learn this stuff. Maybe you could give her a glamour mask to wear?
My dad had eye surgery for a burst retina. Same crap - wouldn't believe the doctor or me. It was nasty & he is still blind in that eye with little vision in the other.
Thanks....not sure I feel better....that's my version of a scream...damned old woman, I am really starting to dislike her. Here's the scenario....made plans last night to go to KC to City Market....and then the famous Bryant's Barbeque for lunch today. Got col bathed and hair washed yesterday. Hubby woke up this morning with chills and running back and forth to bathroom....oops no outing today. So I trudge through melting snow to get mail and the col newspaper....and toss it to her over deck railing...asked if she got undies changed okay, yes, but didn't get a pad in the back. Told her I would be down later....in the mail is $800 refund check for her new ears so I thought she would like that and while I'm there I'll put the pad in. She had made a beeline to bathroom to change sopping, wet drawers before I got down there. Pissed me off, but I blew it off, then I see doggie has been peeing all around the kitchen trash can again. So I clean that....then I have to explain to col that we will not be going to Top of the Crown (high dollar restaurant downtown KC). Hubby hates the place. Anyway I look at her better and I see her eyes are running, red, swollen and the black mascara is just caked on. I suggested that since we weren't going anywhere today she might take the mascara off and let her eyes rest so she doesn't get an infection. Took her all of 10 seconds to declare war. She started screaming at me how she's worn mascara since she was twenty....and it's Almay....can't cause problems and she will do what she wants to do. I asked her who she thought would be taking her back and forth to the doctor when she got an infection and she snarled back that she would just sit right there. I tried to reason with her and got nowhere, so I took the tube away from her. Even hubby says he's tired of her looking like a clown when we go out. We've seen her on the camera sometimes when she is globbing that crap on, then she sits and wipes her face where her eyes are running. I know God doesn't like these thoughts going through my mind, and I really need to find a quiet little hole to crawl into for a bit. Thank you all for letting me scream....what I really want to do is have a good cry. Hugz to all of you!
Thank You, sskape. We are looking forward to getting home now and seeing the kitties and getting rested. I'm so glad I have tomorrow off before I go back to work on Monday if I am well enough. We're in Baltimore waiting for our flight to Indy. Then drive home and there ya go. Last two times I been to Florida I been sick. Weird. But...I got to meet Bobbie!!!!! I am so grateful!!!!! I wish I could have seen the bear and everything else. Maybe Bobbie will post some pics?? or maybe Peach?? K, off to go through security. Gotta take the damn shoes off. Crazy shit. Pirate, I sure feel for ya and what you are going through. Love yous!!
good morning folks . woke up at 4 am to change dad and fed him his bfast . told him its 4 in the morning pa , he said oh i have to getready for work . :-( i thought oh great now he s gonna argue with me about gettin dress , so i fed him his bfast instead so he went back to sleep with tv on .... just woke up a bit ago with blasted headache , what the hell !
bobbie - feels like cmas when u open the package and see all kinds of goodies in there :-) u deserve it my dear friend . i know u will enjoy all those goodies . wish miz wasnt so sick . damn i got to thinkin i hopei dont get sick when i do come down there one day . if i do ill pop every meds there is and we can still get in trouble :-) anyway am happy for u bobbie .
kitchen is a wreck and i better go clean it up , if pa still sleeping then i ll zoom clean , think i am going to have 3 grandkids here today so the parents can go car shopping , they havent called yet to confirm it , i told them monday yeah ill watch em and when u get back u can watch pa for me so hubby and i can go out to eat , think i blew that one . oh well whatever . ted- glad u re lookin fwrd to bring ur mom home monday and hope all for the best for u aand ur mom . have a happy saturday ! xoxo
Good Morning Everyone! It's finally sunny and not too cold today, I feel like i might be starting to come up out of my funk. Mom comes home on monday, and I'm looking forward to doing the best I can for her and me, I've tried to shake off the anger and the resentment, and accept the situation, and I'm ready to just do the best I can with what we've got, and to make mom's days as pleasant as I can. everything else be damned. So, as I head into the home-stretch, wish me luck (as I know you do) I learned a lot from this thread, especially that a major part of this next phase is taking good care OF MYSELF. I hope you all take your own advice and make sure that you do the same for YOURSELVES! Love all of you.
miz, wishing you a good flight back home. I was planning to take a ride with mom to see the snowy parts of the state but drove about 15 min and turned around.(yesterday) Too boring going it alone (with mom who is nonverbal) I'm going to call the neighbor and invite over to visit. Say "please, please, just stop by for a half hour so I can talk to someone." crazy life, these days. glad bobbie got to open her "Treasure Chest" I have a small box of chocolats here which I'm trying to hold off to eat.! I used to feed leftovers to my poor dog (who did get kinda chubby) but I couldn't resist. I'm thinking about Pirate who is struggling with the idea of placing mom and, dealing with the caregivers, etc. It's worth it to look at the facilities, but don't let them talk you into anything , they are hungry for business, I think. Sunny day here, waiting for cna so I can take a walk. good morning all.
Good Morning, Everyone. Very early morning!! We're in the car on the way to the Jacksonville Airport. We got up at 3:00am. It is now 5:00am. I am still sick. Throat hurts so bad. Can't wait to get home and go to bed. Pirate, you are right, those Ricolla are much much better than Hall's. Taste kinda nasty though. But that's okay. I would rather not have a damn sore throat than tasty cough drops. I'm so sorry I missed watching Bobbie open her box of goodies/presents. She is right. You all are so wonderful!! and so is Peach for getting everything to you!! K, I'm gonna sign off and see if I can maybe sleep with this loud radio music hubby's got going on. ;) It's okay though cause he's gotta stay awake to drive. Love yous!!
It will be happy anniversary for this thread on Sunday. I won't be around tomorrow or Sunday, I'm taking much needed R&R with hubby. It seems like if he doesn't take me out on Saturdays, I'll go weeks without going outside. Is it normal to become agoraphobic when you are a caregiver for an extended period of time?
Miz...I hope you tended to your illness, we were worried about you.
Cuz...you have me rolling on the floor laughing.
Pirate Queen: I understand about the Calgon....to my eternal shame I think the reaper has lost our address and I am beginning to despair ever being liberated again.
Christina: You rock
Lhardebeck: Thanks for looking out for me. I'll be around, I can't promise to be good though. OMG I wrote a doozy of a post today and then edited the living daylights out of it so I didn't overshare LOL. I should have just posted it all here instead.
Bobbie: Enjoy your box! That is so sweet and so deserving. This thread and your devotion should be marked with something special. You all have a way of making us all feel normal in a very non-normal situation.
To everyone else...love ya and see you in a few days.
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.
The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and wouldn't let her in.
The second blonde, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus's birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he wouldn't let her in either.
The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, "So, tell me.."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out.
If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
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It's Friggin' Freezing. There's snow up my ass, all the food's covered with
3 feet of this white shit, and you want ME to sing?
If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......
The 2.99 Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake..
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!
Hummmmmm! How True.
Miz, so glad that you got home OK! Are you feeling any better? I hope so! Doc visit in your near future?? Bet the kitties were glad to see you or are they snubbing you for leaving them? Gracie can be so moody sometimes, but she's a cat & good at it! OH, did Illinois win?
Jen, I still say you need to be a writer! You have such a way with words! You & Rip, both!
Jam, I'm sorry that your mil is giving you such a hard time! Is there any way you can go away for a couple of days?
gonna get ready for bed & hoping all of you guys will rest well!
Rossella, don't work too hard, tonight! OK?
hugs to all,
peach
They are like Ten Commandments to follow in life all the time.
1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout life.
2] Do you know why a car's windshield is so large & the rear view mirror is so small? Because our past is not as important as your future. Look ahead and move on .
3] Friendship is like a book. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write .
4 ) All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last forever either.
5] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, "Relax, it's just a bend, not the end!
6] When God solves your problems, you have faith in His abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems He has faith in your abilities.
7] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.
8] Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7
Faith is not believing that God can, it is knowing that God will.
FROM ONE FRIEND TO ANOTHER .
Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there!!!
'In God We Trust'
I certainly agree with your perspective about caring for our loved ones, and I read the article this morning. I had my Mother in what is called a "residential care home" in California. It is a house in a regular neighborhood, modified with roll in showers, a live-in caregiver couple, or male and female, typically Filipino. It's a "family atmosphere"--they have their own rooms, or 2 might share a room for a lesser cost. They eat breakfast together, then each one is taken to get showered, teeth brushed, and dressed, and then PLUNKED-- for the majority of any given day-- on the sofa or assorted recliners around a giant flat screen, which most of them think is a WINDOW, and whatever is on the tv, is really happening in the living room.
I was working full time when my Mother's husband passed in 08, and I could not continue driving 5 hours every Friday to her home. My brother--who lived in her town-- and my sister, who, "thinks I am the best person to do the job", agreed that I should bring her to OC.
I researched online, found a service to help me place her, and I trusted the owner. It was a beautiful home, but other than that, I didn't have any idea what to expect. This was a new frontier.
After about 3 months, the "house call doctor" put her on Seroquel a couple times a day and a sleeping pill. I didn't know the right question to ask at the time; Like, "so why are you putting my Mother on an anti-psychotic drug, and a sleeping pill, when she sleeps just fine, but wakes up to pee"?
Mother was the only resident not wearing "overnight disposable underwear", and the live-in caregivers were getting really tired of her calling them every couple of hours to pee. Oh, how I understand.
I became unemployed after Christmas of 09 and had more time to visit Mother.
Last summer, something started eating at me, and I was going over every day at one time or another, and what I was seeing was frustrating. Think of any one of us, day in and day out, taking care of our "charge", but times 6. OGMAFB!!!
The minimally trained caregivers, although devoted to the job, are human and have their breaking points. Show me one more compassionate person, acting like a phony Mother Teresa, and I will scream.
My husband and I were addressing the owners--lovely people, really, who housed her 90 something parents in their OWN HOME--and they would give us the run-around about how behaviors were being handled. Mother started falling out of bed at night, and had terrible bruises. No one knew anything. After 3 bad falls in 2 weeks, my generous husband suggested we bring her with us, as it had never entered my mind. Oh, you imbecile.
Fast forward: now, I have the perspective of seeing her in the home, and having her here. Dementia and Alzheimer's are, to me, unpredictable to the novice caregiver, and there seems to be NO STANDARD TREATMENT that is proven or effective.
I believe, having this perspective, it is the compassionate choice to FIRST have the parent with you in your or their home, whatever the arrangement. My husband and I have decided, that as soon as we are unable to PHYSICALLY care for my Mother, we will move her into a local home, run by a male RN, with a Masters in Geriatric Pharmacology, who believes in lessening drugs as the dementia progresses. Mother's current psychiatrist agrees with this approach, and he is in her corner 100%. We are committed to give Mother the very best of our love and care until she is totally out of it. How will I know that? Well, I'm going to trust God and listen to His prompting, the way I determine every decision in my life. I am not impulsive, and I tackle hard work. Both my husband and I will let it go a bit longer, just to make sure.
I have already ruined my shoulder, gained weight, never get a full night's sleep, and have lost most privacy in our home.
I agree that caregivers should not know the history of one's patient, so the care they give is unbiased.
I also believe that a person--whether in the womb, or 90 something demented years old, is as valid as you or I. This point I see as very telling. I will not get into ethics or tell you the values or beliefs of other family members; it is I doing the job.
Finally, I would like to say to JAM: YOU do not need to explain, justify, or defend anything you do with COL! Not to us, or anyone.
Let all who read this thread be informed and educated, heard and acknowledged.
Thanks for missing me SSK:) I appreciate it.
Linda, your hair sounds beautiful! If hubby likes it, whoo hoo!
Pirate Queen, have a balanced weekend:)
Miz: try the Lysol thing that Jam (or Maxine?) suggested. Yuck
It's a lousy virus, and it might come back once, but you will survive it:) Hubby has it again. going to Dr. Monday morning.
SS: I like the photo idea. If I did that with my brother, it would be the "deer in headlights" scenario. But, good luck. Hugs.
Peach: love and hugs, hope you feel better.
Deefer, miss your wisdom in the mornings.
Rosella, Rosella, Bella, you are the "Cat's Meow"
Headbanger, you make me laugh, love your rants.
Ted, you awesome man! I respect you and your finesse.
Cuz, faithful funnies, Bless YOU !
Truecolors, how's Mom, how's work? miss you:)
Newbies--this must be the place. Stay long enough to know that.
Let's come up with the "Golden Toothbrush Award." HMMM?
Maxine: hello? BonnieO, Dtflex:) xoxoxo
Bobbie: did you find the Butterscotch Square yet? It's a brown sugar texture, milk chocolate. You must be having fun and crying a lot over all the LOVE sent to you:))
The Love is lasting, but NOT the chocolate...
LOVE TO ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS!!! christina
love,
miz
I have seen that Gnomes are working again though but now they have that movie they will be in really high demand....
K, I'm gonna go for now. Eating soup. Take good care, Everyone and tell the ones you love that you do.
love,
miz
At a nursing home, they are a client, everyone is equal, there are standards of care and the comfort of distance. You may very well have a nurse at the home who loves the client but they won't have the emotionally loaded life history as well, clouding issues of care and the stresses it entails...
I do understand not wanting to "Throw away a loved one" as if that is what it is. The desire to not abandon Mother or Father to strangers...But I honestly wonder if that might, under all these other issues BE the best choice for many of us?...
When we have gotten to the point where we have sacrifced our time, our other relationships with children, spouse friends even other siblings, when we are literally wearing ourselves to shreds, working ourselves into sickness has it not gone too far?
"They took care of us..." Yes, when we were children...To the expense of all else? Did they run themselves into an early grave, dissolve partnerships, neglect their own health too look after us? Did they really? I don't see it. A child works it self into Your life and you adjust...care giving for an elderly parent or grandparent becomes your life and it consumes you bit by bit.
The article mentions friends slipping away, spouses threatening divorce, work suffering...That IS YOUR LIFE! It isn't even a good excuse to say "Well you can have a life later stop complaining.."...When? People do not have expiration dates stamped on them... Some people take on care-giving as a necessary for the time being that leaches away decades of their life...Well this is part of your life they say...No it becomes all of your life and somehow just because you are related by blood, it is allowed to and you are informed by some that you should not only Not feel angry, ripped off or confused... you should feel blessed to have the opportunity to waste away under the yoke of this extended period of a loved ones dying. A process that is becoming so common in the West with the "wonders of modern medicine", stretching the lifespan not only beyond use and health but beyond reason and sense...
Why wouldn't this be an upsetting, horrifying, isolating burden...We are not trained nurses, or therapists but we are expected to take on these positions, along with handling there business issues, scheduling their lives, driving them here and there to appointments, making sure they don't come to harm or harm themselves out of stubbornness or dementia issues...Caring for a once strong, competent loved one as if they are a recalcitrant child at the expense of every other human relationship in our lives....WHY!!!
If you have Guilt, Love, Family Loyalty, God Issues, Like to be dumped on by life, need to feel needed, don't trust anyone else to do it, fear the loved one feeling abandoned, Enjoy being stressed out and worked to death, or just feel it is you Duty to the loved one...You are better off than some...Though it doesn't lesson the work, it may ease the burden...But for some of us...I really think paying someone who is trained to give the correct care for the person in question is the way to go....
For me...Unfortunately it is not my decision to make...But I can tell you...For my mother, caring for her father falling under all those reasons above.......even she is starting to question this task she has taken on...And she loves her father...She has had only two months of what I have had to deal with for four years........and she....is really not sure about this anymore.....and yet it goes on.....
Thank you rossella.........you are an angel.
Glad miz gets to sleep in her own bed tonight.....you will feel better.
Hope everyone has peace in your lives tonight.... Hugz to all!
love,
miz
I'm tired and I wanna go to bed.
I had a little drink about an hour ago (not really)
and it went straight to my head.
Wherever I may roam.
On land or sea or foam.
You'll always a hear me singin' this song.
Show me the way to go home.
Just missin' the kitties. Own bed always sounds good too although I sure had no trouble sleeping on the BOAT!!
Yep, we're on the home stretch. Traveling from Indianapolis to home in our own car. We'll be there about 5:30 central time. :))
love,
miz
P.S. Jam, you're beautiful, love ya. Would col let you do her makeup? Prolly not. Just askin'. :)
If you follow our stories a little bit more, you will understand...
Stay with us!
I'm Italian and I have an Alz mother as stubborn as a donkey....
It's difficult sometimes to be rational and say "poor one, it's not her fault, it's her illness, this is not her anymore". Sometimes you are just overwhelmed by your life. Sometimes it happens you lose your patience!
We are human beings, not angels. At least, I am not....
Jam, the joke is great. With my mother it would not be thunders and lightnings, it would be the "mumble mumble mumble" of the clouds when the thunderstorm is about to burst...
Constant mumble mumble mumble.
I"m a canine behaviorist so sometimes I suggest to the clients one thing we can do is remove the trash can out of sight, buy a smaller one that will fit under the sink. Also, if you see him going towards the area where the can was tell him, "let's go pottie" and walk him outside, after he's done, praise him and let him back in. Hope this helps... :)
And that's how I want to go...........:)
You just made the 9,800th post so maybe that'll make you feel better?
I can imagine your tension! Cripes! Bacteria is bacteria Almay or not. Where did these women learn this stuff.
Maybe you could give her a glamour mask to wear?
My dad had eye surgery for a burst retina. Same crap - wouldn't believe the doctor or me. It was nasty & he is still blind in that eye with little vision in the other.
How long can you do this?
Thanks....not sure I feel better....that's my version of a scream...damned old woman, I am really starting to dislike her. Here's the scenario....made plans last night to go to KC to City Market....and then the famous Bryant's Barbeque for lunch today. Got col bathed and hair washed yesterday. Hubby woke up this morning with chills and running back and forth to bathroom....oops no outing today. So I trudge through melting snow to get mail and the col newspaper....and toss it to her over deck railing...asked if she got undies changed okay, yes, but didn't get a pad in the back. Told her I would be down later....in the mail is $800 refund check for her new ears so I thought she would like that and while I'm there I'll put the pad in. She had made a beeline to bathroom to change sopping, wet drawers before I got down there. Pissed me off, but I blew it off, then I see doggie has been peeing all around the kitchen trash can again. So I clean that....then I have to explain to col that we will not be going to Top of the Crown (high dollar restaurant downtown KC). Hubby hates the place. Anyway I look at her better and I see her eyes are running, red, swollen and the black mascara is just caked on. I suggested that since we weren't going anywhere today she might take the mascara off and let her eyes rest so she doesn't get an infection. Took her all of 10 seconds to declare war. She started screaming at me how she's worn mascara since she was twenty....and it's Almay....can't cause problems and she will do what she wants to do. I asked her who she thought would be taking her back and forth to the doctor when she got an infection and she snarled back that she would just sit right there. I tried to reason with her and got nowhere, so I took the tube away from her. Even hubby says he's tired of her looking like a clown when we go out. We've seen her on the camera sometimes when she is globbing that crap on, then she sits and wipes her face where her eyes are running. I know God doesn't like these thoughts going through my mind, and I really need to find a quiet little hole to crawl into for a bit. Thank you all for letting me scream....what I really want to do is have a good cry. Hugz to all of you!
miz
just woke up a bit ago with blasted headache , what the hell !
bobbie - feels like cmas when u open the package and see all kinds of goodies in there :-) u deserve it my dear friend . i know u will enjoy all those goodies . wish miz wasnt so sick . damn i got to thinkin i hopei dont get sick when i do come down there one day . if i do ill pop every meds there is and we can still get in trouble :-) anyway am happy for u bobbie .
kitchen is a wreck and i better go clean it up , if pa still sleeping then i ll zoom clean , think i am going to have 3 grandkids here today so the parents can go car shopping , they havent called yet to confirm it , i told them monday yeah ill watch em and when u get back u can watch pa for me so hubby and i can go out to eat , think i blew that one . oh well whatever .
ted- glad u re lookin fwrd to bring ur mom home monday and hope all for the best for u aand ur mom .
have a happy saturday ! xoxo
It's finally sunny and not too cold today, I feel like i might be starting to come up out of my funk. Mom comes home on monday, and I'm looking forward to doing the best I can for her and me, I've tried to shake off the anger and the resentment, and accept the situation, and I'm ready to just do the best I can with what we've got, and to make mom's days as pleasant as I can. everything else be damned.
So, as I head into the home-stretch, wish me luck (as I know you do)
I learned a lot from this thread, especially that a major part of this next phase is taking good care OF MYSELF. I hope you all take your own advice and make sure that you do the same for YOURSELVES!
Love all of you.
glad bobbie got to open her "Treasure Chest" I have a small box of chocolats here which I'm trying to hold off to eat.! I used to feed leftovers to my poor dog (who did get kinda chubby) but I couldn't resist.
I'm thinking about Pirate who is struggling with the idea of placing mom and, dealing with the caregivers, etc. It's worth it to look at the facilities, but don't let them talk you into anything , they are hungry for business, I think.
Sunny day here, waiting for cna so I can take a walk. good morning all.
miz
Miz...I hope you tended to your illness, we were worried about you.
Cuz...you have me rolling on the floor laughing.
Pirate Queen: I understand about the Calgon....to my eternal shame I think the reaper has lost our address and I am beginning to despair ever being liberated again.
Christina: You rock
Lhardebeck: Thanks for looking out for me. I'll be around, I can't promise to be good though. OMG I wrote a doozy of a post today and then edited the living daylights out of it so I didn't overshare LOL. I should have just posted it all here instead.
Bobbie: Enjoy your box! That is so sweet and so deserving. This thread and your devotion should be marked with something special. You all have a way of making us all feel normal in a very non-normal situation.
To everyone else...love ya and see you in a few days.
Buckwheat of the Little Rascals fame grew up, became a Muslim, and changed his name.....
He now goes by
Kareem of Wheat.
When you carry the Bible,
Satan gets a headache.
When you open it, he collapses.
When he sees you reading it, he faints.
When he sees you are living what you read, he flees!!
And, if you are about to forward this message,
he will try and discourage you ....
I defeated him!!
Will you?
--
God Loves You
And So Do I
Have a Good
Day
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they
could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.
The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give
thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and wouldn't let her in.
The second blonde, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus's birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he wouldn't let her in either.
The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, "So, tell me.."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus
was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans
arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him
in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out.
If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
St. Peter fainted.