Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

On a shopping trip to the city, a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally, the puzzle was finished.

"Look what I've done, Jess," he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.

"That's surely something', Willard. How long it take you?"

"Only two weeks."

"Never done a puzzle myself," Jess said. "Is two weeks fast?"

"Darn tooting'," Willard said. "Look at the box. It says, 'From two to four years.'"

The Mother Superior instructs two nuns to paint a new room in the convent. "And don't get a drop of paint on your habits," she sternly admonishes.

The two nuns decide that the only way they will keep their habits clean is to take them off, paint the room, then put them back on. So they strip, and begin painting.

Suddenly there is a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" asks one of the nuns.

"Blind man," comes the reply.

The nuns look at each other and shrug. "No harm letting him in," one says, and opens the door.

"Whoa, sister! Where do you want these blinds?"

Rossella--you crack me up. I could see you out there in the field. It is so interesting how I "picture each of you", it is a sort of psychic reading, and picking up on the ways things are said. I love it. I think I could have been a profiler, if I could ever decide what I really want to do in my life.
I think the thing with MIz and her Mom is easy, Rossella: Miz, herself, is the sweetest thing, as are Linda and Elizabeth. I'm not saying the rest of us are not, but personality and combinations of the puzzle are varied, and each of us has our lessons to "work out". That's how I look at it: as a huge maze and if you get far enough away in outer space, it comes together, and you say, "Oh, I see it now". All the connections and seemingly unfair or mismatched scenarios. Anyway, I have to look at life that way for it to make sense, or I would jump off a pier. Maybe into a BOAT, for safety. haha. I'm chicken, not really, maybe Chicken of the Sea. Then I would make a nice tuna casserole...Rossella, my husband wears the same levis, 501s. I would be afraid to wear those, for fear when I have to pee, I could not get them UNbuttoned fast enough and I would have wet jeans. I'm getting to that age. Luckily, we have a spare bottle of Detrol around the house now. I'm NOT taking it!
Another beautiful day here--maybe the overcast will burn off, Rossella. Maybe it already has. I'm going out for a walk as soon as cg gets here, bridle trail, lots of water, I'm dehydrated from all the lovely MUCUS. ( 2nd Gross contribution today).HUGS

LOL rossella!! :))

I was so happy with the good weather of the last days... it was very cold and grey today. I had to pee in the fields and when I tried to button my pants I found out I couldn't because my fingers were frozen. By the way I had those jeans full of buttons (Levi's type). I had to heat the car so my hands defrosted and I could button my pants before going to the supermarket! Otherwise I would have been arrested like the maniac who opens the raincoat in front of the ladies.

And now I cross the fingers and I hope this boat reaches its 10.000th mile!

Christina, I add myself to the chorus of people who "DID NOT" have a sweet mother. And my mother has not become sweeter with the illness. At first I did not want to give her drugs like Seroquel or something like that, but then I realized that it was impossible for her and for me to live without that. Without Seroquel, she stayed awake 3 days and 3 nights running (I swear!) and walked everywhere and she was anguished. So I started to give her Seroquel and I never exceed with the dosage. So, no sense of guilt! With dementia/Alzheimer the problem is not only that they lose their memory: 90% of the times there is a worsening of their character, temper. Very rarely they become sweeter, as it happened to Miz's mom.
We have to survive in this situation and they have to survive, too. I have an appointment at the end of February with the Alzheimer centre and I am looking forward trying the Namenda, hope they give it to her! Of course I can't decide by myself.

Yes there are many boats. I prefer this one. There might be other boats where people are always nice, always positive, they always say beautiful things.
Personally... that would not help me at all. And it would be terribly boring and it would seem false to me. I choose this one... sometimes happy sometimes sad, sometimes sweet sometimes tough, always controversial - this is a ship which is not afraid to face high waves! This ship helps me grow. I know it seems very selfish. But I hope that sometimes I have given some support to people that "at that moment" were sadder than I was!

Bobbie thanks for the invitation. Who knows in the future? Until some months ago I had just friends in NYC and in California. Now I have friends all over the States! It would be nice to take a long trip and pop here and there, North East, South East, Center, North West, South West.....

Good Morning for real this time. I was up a lot last night with Mother and blowing my nose and coughing. Her schedule is shifting and I've not caught up with it yet. I will have to go now and feed her because she's whining," can't somebody PLEASE give me something to eat?", like she's been begging for hours. Brother. Have a good day. Love, christina

Just checking in to say good morning....hubby says we are supposed to get 8 inches of the white stuff starting at noon....col temporary caregiver coming to meet her at 11:00. I see that she got up in the middle of the night, changed her clothes, put hot rollers in her hair, put a towel over her pillow and went back to bed. Tried to tell me she already had her bath....hahhahhah not likely. Then won't look me in the eye, but tells me she "lost her cookies" in the middle of the night. Yeah, right. She can't wipe her own butt let alone clean up after being sick. Oh, well...............hope a great day for everyone...check back in later. Hugz!

Good Morning Everyone. As far as sweet parents vs. not so sweet parents. I grew up in a very tense household. Was scared of so many things. Worried that something terrible would happen if I did bad. Mom and Dad both mellowed with age and low and behold I think Mom's illness made her sweeter and more affectionate. So I'm not here to say my childhood was perfect by any means. I have long ago forgiven them. I know I got better than what they got as kids. And, I am just one of the lucky ones who did not get the mean and nastiness from her after dementia slowly struck. She was on Namenda and Aricept and I'm sure that helped a lot. Also, the doc put her on an anti-psychotic after she started hallucinating and getting out of control, etc. I want to remember the good stuff. I guess that is only natural. No one is perfect, that is for sure. I certainly am not.

It looks like we are going to get up to 6 inches of snow by tomorrow. We had freezing drizzle last night so the side roads are very slick. Ugh. I hate Winter. It will probably be very slow at work. They are giving me new and different things to do there during the down times and I am enjoying it. But I sure can't wait til that week of vacation on that wonderful cruise ship called the Barbara B. ;) Please please please be warm and sunny. Have a great day, everyone. My heart is with yous and loves yous.

miz

How lucky am I? think of Linda and Thar she is!
love you kiddo.

lovbob

good morning ! rise and shine . :=)
pa got real loud about 6 am cuz he was fighting with the pillow and couldnt get it cuz i tucked em under the matress sheets lalala . i was grinning when i walked in there he said i cant get out of this bed waaaaa . deefer thanks for the reminder again about the pillow s , its a life safer .
fed him oatmeal and decide to go ahead and give him his morning meds , well while i was givin it to him i notice the pills looks diffrent ah went ahead and gave em to him . then it hit me after he swallowed the last one , shit !! i gave him his evening meds ! told pa tnite ill give u day time meds . gosh i hope his body doesnt go out of whack !
NAMENDA - YES i remmy the first time i was with dad , he be snappy at me , tellin me im going down the wrong way blah blah , stop at a stop light he s barkin at me to GOOOOO ! uhh dad the lights are red and im not going and no wonder u pulled out in front of a semi ! always snappy and bark , finaly the dr put him on NAMENDA ahh his moods changed for the better . he was on it for a year till he left me in oct 2 yrs ago and fell in his home and ended up in hospital then rehab for 90 days , dr has took him off of it says he didnt need it . he hasnt been back on it since then .
when he gets snappy and barkin i just give him his zannie and be happy , :-) NAMENDA does the job , bad thing about it the ins wont pay for it , sonfabit%h .
christina i sure hope you could talk to mom s doc about it and something will be done , to make ur life easier . im sorry shes talking hateful toward ur hubby , it has to hurt . u may have to growl at her and tell her it is enuff , count her blessing shes with you guys or its the highway , maybe that;ll open her eyes . in the past when dad was barkin and growling , i just told him oh my gosh i have had enuff of it . not puttin up with it and i dont have to . i can chose to be happy or choose to be mirrisable . i rather be happy and its good for u too , mirrisable makes people sick . chirstina i dont want u to be mirrisbale , u have been as a childhood and now ure a grown woman . plz be happy and tell urself u refuse to let that woman talk down at u and hubby , start by askin dr about pills to make her calm . mention NAMENDA or whatever eles is out there , i wish you luck dear . is she taking anything now ?

oh good mornin bobbie . yep havin that coffee and im about to fly now . yes one day u and i ll have that coffee together and then go get trouble together :-) we ll skip and hop and say lalalala . hee hawww .
ok laundry is done , ughh gotta fold whats in the dryer so i can put all pa s wet clothes in the dryer . anybody wanna fold my laundry ? oh wait a min ill do it cuz im flying lalalalaaaa .
deefer u wmake me wanna roam in ur big house ! i wanna get lost in it . oh is it haunted ? back in 18 somehing i would think it is ?? BOOOO . me and bobbie will zoom and clean ur big house ok deef ? maybe we;ll sneakin some fresh paint too :-)
love you all and have a wonderful day . smack xoxoxox

Well.....
Looks like it's the Cat and me....
Rained like crazy here and I didn't know it was coming.
Just got the dinghy all cleaned out and dry from the last soak.
this coffee is good. thinking of Linda! zoom zoom. lalala
Love the Way you Write Linda!!
more later,
lovbob

!!COFFEE TIME!!
Who else is up? ummmm?
Georgia?
Christine, you still up?
Rossella?

Wow, Christina! what are you doing out of bed??
and no, you can't piss me off about this stuff because it's not that big a deal!
When I say: crew, it has to do with us all being in the same boat. It does not mean that this is the only boat!
there's plenty of folks that drop in and say hi now and again.
don't worry about this. This is nothing. what you are going though is what's real.
My mom had a personality disorder and when I started caregiving for her she was a mean monster.
She was mean when I was a kid and I experienced what you are experiencing which is the horriffic memories of being verbally and emotionally abused and now you are cleaning up the mess.
Caregiving can be way harder for those of us with BPD parents.
They say lousy stuff , you have a flashback to when you were 9 and then you have to cook!
The Namenda REALLY helped my mom. I think that there's some kind of mood thingy in there..... Jam?
The first dose of Namenda was when my mom was a raving bitch and 20 minutes later in walked this sweet, engaging and funny woman. All I could think was wow. If I could have mixed this shit into her coffee..... when I was 9....... what a different life we all would have had. Mom, me and my dad. What a difference these newer drugs would have made for me as a kid who had no idea what was going on but thought somehow that it was my fault.
so I hear you kiddo. boy do I hear you. There's others here too. Not everybody had/has the nice mom so you are not the lone ranger on that one.
I lucked out. Mom and I finally got that closeness that I always wanted but man, what a price.
No one expects you to be posting every hour and solving others' problems. None of us can do that.
Just Vent! it can really help! and we are here to listen and give crazy advice and tell you that you are ok. Just breathe.
You have a great voice and you are welcome here!
Here's an idea that might work:
There are more BPD offspring caring for elderly parents than you might think. Start a thread here and see who comes out.
You see, the site is like a Marina....... lots of boats..... lol
You go everywhere and see all the boats and then you hang out on the boat you like the best and still visit all the other boats. Whaddya think?

lovbob

Very nice morning message. I's 3 am here, I have been stressing all night. I think will make it. On Mucinex DM ( like that, Deefer?) and Sudafed, lots of empty Aquafina bottles on the floor-- like floats surrounding the Boat--and overflowing wastebasket with snotty kleenex. That is my gross contribution of the day.
Have a good day, everyone. HUGS chrstina

Good Early Morning Caregivers,

Cuz!! 8900!! Boat time!
Harv, I am sorry for what you are seeing in your mom and my auntie. Does she still live alone?
Do you think the recent hospital stuff had an effect?
Watching our parents fade is really tough.
you are a sweetheart and we will be here for you too.
love you Cuz.
How is J's mom doing?

Peach! Good advices as Rossella would say! I'm going to try them out. How are you feeling? You are amazing!

Rossella! Ya, I was really wondering what to use because this boat is real and not a metaphor!! I hope you get to come and do some boat time for real someday and show me the for real strong arm brass polishing tecnique. Love you rossella!
then we go and get a manicure.

Deef! what a beautiful house and story! I love it and the fact that you all get to be together is pretty cool.
You are an animal Deef!! An animal I tell ya!!
I have to have a power breakfast just to shovel the Cat box.

SSk! how isolated are you over there?
I've been thinking about Skype and the fact that we could chat with each other with the computer and there would be a friend over but just inside the box.
Think inside the box lol.
I used Skype to talk with someone and you can get up and walk around and do this and that while you're chatting, as in:
Active Caregiving! jus a thought. I would have used it big time when there was just mom and me. I think Mom would have loved it.

True! congrats on the doable job! and I too am sorry for your pup. sux. It was really good to see from you and I have been thinking about ya!

Christina! relax. Talk about trust issues, hell, I stuck myself out there, got to know women on this thread and site, loved them and invited one to my boat and look what happened!
got screwed, blued and tattooed!
It made me sad but I'm not going to stop meeting new people and having more folks on the boat. Not going to stop me from loving people, even when I haven't known them long.
Personally I didn't think you jumped ship, just think you over think and have a flair for the dramatic. Me too! chill out and Re-Lax. You're good.

Jam! you're a good one for doing all that cleaning. whew. poop yourself out big time.

Angie!! how is it going? Thank you again for your lovely words the other day.
For all the folks who wrote nice posts I thank you again and again. I really got the warm and fuzzies and I'm not kidding.

Rip!!! how are you feeling? I always have a great time talking with you.
Linda! did the pillows work for Pa?

Miz!!! Soon!!
Diane! get on the mend!
Kuli, ddotal, the rest of the gang...
Check in if you haven't in a few days and let us know how you are.

I know I missed some folks, chew me out with a hug!

lovbob

Rossella, Miz. I will try to take and use what I want, can, but I do think it is kind of selfish. To me, if I cannot be 100% and feel solid, I retreat. This new thing with my Mother is so awful. She was mean like this when I was young, and it is bringing up so many painful memories. When I read your comments about how sweet your Mothers are, or doing things with you, being concerned about others, it makes me happy for you, but sad for me and I wonder why God did not bless me with a normal loving mother. Bringing her into my home now seems, in a way, gluttonous to me, yet my "fix-it" mentality says it is what I MUST do, maybe there is a chance for last minute bonding. I am thankful my husband is so patient, but now she is saying awful things to him. I think she had a personality disorder all her life. Her behavior now--without the 'checks'-- is how she was then. My entire life flashes before me almost every day and the nightmare repeats. It is like being in Sartre's "No Exit."
Am I coming or going? I don't want to leave. There is a magic here, but I don't want to piss Bobbie off with my yoyo problem.

Very cute, Cuz.
The one about the tractor is almost surreal. And yes I have understood it!
My mom tells the things over and over again, too. You have to put on an "answering machine", that is, you answer always the same things.. At first, I tried to change my answers a little bit, because I thought it was more respectful toward her. I have understood now that at the end of the day you are too tired... and you have not helped her anyway!

bobbie
Ma is really starting to slow down. She repeats herself every 5 minutes or so. My yougest took her for supper and he called me when he left and said Dad gramma tells you the same thing over and over. Not good.
luv ya cuz

Hey bobbie
some people after they get the brass all shined up they spray it with a clear acrylic (Spelling) paint. That way they don't have to polish so much

tractor humor

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a
gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease
in front of an old green John Deere.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off
first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then
hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his
overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his
stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt
from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you
doing, Billy Bob?"

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously
embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately
in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do 'something
sexy to a tractor'."

[Don't make me come splain this to you! ---Read the last line again,
slowly.]

Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger, women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"
SMILE, you've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT?

Wow Georgia! When I talk about polishing brass, I say it metaphorically. But these are good suggestion if I get the real job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christina, don't make non-existing problems for yourself, as other people have already done! If you have trust issues, there is no problem, again! Say what you want to say, you are not obliged to say everything.
Take everything you can from every situation, and only what you want to take! This is my motto in life. Selfish maybe, but it makes your life simpler!

Hey Bobbie! These are some ways to clean blass that I found on the net. Don't know that I'd trust one of the "natural" ones, but included them, too. If Miz gets there before I do, tell her I want to be able to see myself in the shine! LOL Seriously, I'll help you when we get there, if you want me to! "Wax on. Wax off"!

Ketchup! Yeah, baby. I'm talkin' about good ol' Sauce Americana. Sounds too good to be true, you say? Oh, yeah. I know. But really, just smear some ketchup all over your dirty brass, let it sit for a few minutes, and wash it off.

Worcestershire sauce. It just keeps getting better. Same as with the ketchup: wipe it on, let the acidity of the stuff work its magic, wash it off, and voila! Clean brass. Just be sure to rinse it off really well. It might take a couple of tries.

White vinegar and salt. Is there nothing vinegar can't do? Pour vinegar over your brass and then sprinkle it with salt. It's supposed to work great. Vinegar can also be used at full strength. Wet a soft cloth with it and wipe down the brass.

Yogurt. The lactic acid does the trick. Use a spatula to coat your brass in yogurt. Let it sit long enough for the yogurt to dry, and then buff it off with a soft dry cloth. Rinse the heck out of it. Turns out dairy products stink when they sit out too long.

Create your own brass polish. This is a ridiculously easy process. First, find a lemon. Great. Now cut it in half, dig out the seeds and squeeze all the juice out of it and into a bowl. Next, find yourself some table salt or baking soda. Doesn't matter which; either will work fine. Slowly stir the salt or soda into the lemon juice until a paste consistency is reached. Now that you have your brass cleaner, use a soft cotton cloth to apply it to the brass. Using the same rag, going with the grain of the metal, work it gently into the brass to remove tarnish. Salt and soda act as a light abrasive, so don't push too hard. If you're really concerned, or the item is brass plated, just go with the lemon juice and skip the salt/soda. Use a soft-bristled toothbrush to clean the crevices.

More lemons (or limes). If the piece of brass being polished is not very intricate, it works well to simply cut a lemon or lime in half, sprinkle some salt or baking soda on the sliced end, and rub the brass with it. You may need to reapply the salt/soda. Rub with the grain of the metal.

Heloise has been answering house-care questions for 30+ years.
How do you polish brass?
—Marie Beaird, Porter, TX

That depends on whether it's lacquered or not. To clean lacquered brass, simply wipe with a soft, damp cloth; do not use any kind of household cleaner. If it's nonlacquered, squirt a dollop of ketchup on a rag, and rub over surface. Wipe off residue with a damp cloth and buff dry. For a homemade cleaner, dissolve 1 teaspoon salt in 1/2 cup vinegar and add enough flour to make a paste. Rub onto the brass and leave for 10 minutes; rinse and buff dry.

Sidol - for everything and anything.

First used it when I joined up (many years ago) to polish belt buckles and copper tunic buttons. Haven't found anything better since.

On the boat I've used it on oil lamps, clocks and barometer and even the stainless steel deck fittings (pushpit, granny bars, pulpit, stanchions).

Wright's copper polish is the equivalant of heavy artillary and will cut through corrosion like no other polish on the market. Wrights also offers a Brass Polish that is much finer and will put a high shine on brass once the copper polish has done the heavy cleaning. On my H28 "Bright Star" Brass polishing takes only a half hour once or twice a week.
Jay

Hugs to ya, Cap!
Peach

Christina, are you not coming back??

Elizabeth, I'm so sorry about your puppy! It's so hard to lose 'em, especially when it's in such a senseless way! I'm glad that you got the job & that you're enjoying it! Paychecks are good, too!

DEEF!!! Are you nuts, climbing on the roof?!?! Cashew or walnut? Either way, I know that you'll be careful! More snow coming? YUCK! Hope you're wearing a pretty scarf to keep you warm! They DO make a difference, don't they! : )

miz, GO Georgia!!! Still wrong conference? If you move south, we'll convert ya! : )

Jam, I hope that you'll have a better day tomorrow!

Rip, miss you! Thanks for the email!

Diane, feel better soon!

Linda, hope Pa sleeps good for you tonight so you can get some sleep, too! Give Pa & hubby a hug for us!

Bobbie, the next one's for YOU! : )

Hope everybody is having a safe & easy night!
Love & hugs,
Peach

Slush, huh sue? Yes, we can't help where we live. I am a sissy about the cold, but a warrior in other areas. I hope you don't mind me visiting--you know when you move from an area and you have connections and you get sad? I realize I have trust issues with groups of females and it is effecting my ability to be here. I figured it out today. Why do I spend my time thinking of this site? Because of a common ground. I certainly support what you all do here, and I feel badly if you think I jumped ship, but I just wanted you to know what the deal is. So Sorry.

yes, it's ok to have nice weather and not feel guilty. You deserve it. Rosella , bobbie, and christina have good weather. We had rain all day here. so no shoveling required.