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Amen Jam!

wish I could find folks like you and your husband to take care of me!

half scared to death of going to a doc....
Been told I was going to die: twice!
been told I needed a big operation or I would die.
(15 years ago)

ehhh.. no surprise I'm skittish.

love you Jam and your voice of reason.

how are you feeling today and how is the COL?

lovbob
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Docs with brains WILL NOT mess with cutting something off the face because of the cranial nerve that runs through.....cut that and you cause a Bell's Palsy-like paralysis,,,,non-reversible.
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Wow angie, I was just crying over my mom and dad too.
Grief. Who ever came up with 'Good grief'?

glad to see from you and hope to see you here later.

lovbob
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Angie - You are a good kind soul. Hang in there. I find a lot of strength in you. Thank you for that. :)

-SS
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thanks austin and Miz and GP and Rossella and and and love you guys a LOT!!

Pat! When the human body is cut upon it takes a long time to recover. The older we are the longer it takes.
Hit the Internet and find out what long term survival rates are with your mom's type of skin cancer vs her prognosis with dementia. Your answer will be in there.
this is just another reason to really be in touch with the dementia. The medical community is still interested in making bank and we all know about the unnecessary crap that goes on so you can draw your own conclusions.

my Mom had a few carbunkles on her and I did get them off and they were biopsied but they were benign. She still had one on her arm that looked awful but the skin doc in BH said, just leave it be. Cutting it off will cause her more stress than just leaving it. We took the growth off of her nose so whe would feel pretty.
Doctors want to cut. They can't help it and many don't have a working understanding of geriatrics.
When Mom and I went to LA, I took her to Beverly Hills geriatric guys and the difference was amazing between these guys and Backward, NJ where everything was so low end and base.
The heart guy took me aside and told me about the murmur and the 2 leaky valves and then later said to her:
OK! looking good and I'll see you in a year!
Mom was so amped and happy, he gave her such a gift.
The skin guy said (After biopsy and before results) basically what I am telling you.
There are certainly many great healers out there but in my experience they are in the minority.
It's like building contractors. A recent study found that only 20%, TWO in ten actually knew what they were doing.
With docs, i have no idea but I do know that it's not anywhere near 100% that have a clue and because of so many outside influences, how many have a clue and give a sh!!? numbers keep dropping.

Rossella! I wanted to let you know that I have found out that many people are reading this thread from stem to stern. Readers and not posters.
I know that when i was taking care of mom I would have read the print offa this thing because that's all I was trying to do is get info and I realized that there were brick walls around so many subjects related to caregiving with dementia so I walked into the bathroom and my mom was coming out and there were hairs pokin out my toothbrush......

Thanks mom for helping so many people. I miss you and daddy so much.

lovbob
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I don't think my life will ever be the same again. I have absolutely no regrets taking of my dad, and now mom. Mom and I are so lost now, such an emptiness..... My grieving is so different than my sibs. Papa was my best friend, and so is mom. So we have both lost our best friend and the pain in the butt too lol lol.... Got up early to go to the funeral home to pick up the death cert, just walking in there wore me out. All I keep thinking is I just wanted more time with him.... Selfish of me, i know.... I kid all the time, saying thanks papa you left me with mom thanks alot ...... and left me to handle all of this financial and house stuff tooo ...... I sound awful i know..... Now I have to be sure to keep mom busy, we fight alot, we hug and make up ten min later....Thank god for Austin our dog, papas best buddy... ok going to make coffee, hope to get on here later... Just wanted to say thank you again to everyone, all of you are angels and have been a god send to mom and i. Angie
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I agree with that, Austin. :)
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Bobbie -don't gp changing on us -you are fine the way you are,
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Thanks Rossella! I like doing the jokes. Makes me feel useful, I guess, to get folks to laugh or at least smile for a minute before starting their day. I agree that these sound like real comments that real people probably came up with. Sounds like something I would have come up with to help cut the tension with the doc & maybe not be so scared, too!

You're right about what you were saying about the "newbie's"! That's what my prior post was about, in that I have toasted a few for what they wrote on here as their response to the starting line of this post. I am sorry that I handled things wrong! I'm protective & it's just hard not sticking up for my online family when I feel someone is being attacked! I just need to remember that they're in a simular very stressful situation & maybe in some way they're trying to help & just don't know how to convey their thoughts in any other way. Maybe they're at their wits end & given them being in a more normal situation they would choose their words better, too. That's what I was saying that Bobbie was right about, is that we don't need to alienate others who may or probably need to be here to vent to help them & for them to be able to better help their loved one. Boy, this whole thing has been a life changing opportunity to learn & grow as a person in more ways than can be expressed! I hope to be a better person through all of what we're going through! I hope what I'm saying is making sense. I need to remember that I need to treat others the way that I would want to be treated!

I hope that all of you guys will have a special day with your loved one. Make some good memories! Lots of love! Peach
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Georgia, the jokes on colonoscopy are really great. I believe those were real patients; common people sometimes have an incredible sense of humour!
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Pat, I understand that you don't trust doctors, but there are some very good ones around, believe me! Try to make an appointment with a very good one and he will give you an advice on what you have to do....And then, you will find the right words to convince your mother to do what is needed.
My mother's doctor, in the very little village I live in, is an amazingly good one. When I lived in Rome, the big town, my mother was treated by a list of assholes. This one is really good. He gives us good advices, he sends us in the right places, he comes to our house when he is called! Unbelievable. When my mother called (20 years ago) our family doctor the night my father had a heart attack, he (the doctor) said: "call an ambulance" and he went back to sleep! Needless to say, all the family abandoned that doctor the following day and chose another one (and he lost a lot of money)
Going back to the "shame on yous", I believe they are more grossed out than we are, they are so grossed out and so ashamed to be grossed out, that they pretend they are not (Lucy Van Pelt, 5cent psychiatric help!!!) So they have to be helped bit by bit, they have to be gently taken to the "path of awareness"....
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"Good luck with your mom, Pat...
I know I sound very simplistic, but I guess cancer (if cancer is) it is not too dangerous in old age.."

I'm trying to find and so to figure out, the potential benefits vs. the potential overall harm another, and new, procedure could or might cause.
What's the risk to vs. what's the risk not to...I need odds, I need quantifiers, I need what I don't know what I need to know, know what I'm sayin'?
See her arm was done right there in the skin doctors office, using local anesthetic with me sitting right there talking to her, and keeping her occupied, but they said if she does have this spot of cancer on her face, they won't do it there,
She'll have to go to a general surgeon in our hospital, likely using a general anesthetic...but I don't know that for a fact,,,yet.
I do know this, Mama ain't likely to be havin' somebody monkeyin' around on her face, without her flippin' a super supreme big Mama type fuss after about a minute (that used to be a grand thing to watch I'm here to tell ya), especially if I'm not in the room
I don't trust a doctor, especially one I don't know and haven't met, to hear what I have to say, much less do much more than pretend to listen to me...I think they think I don't look all too bright or something, and we definitely don't need another wacky little misunderstanding where security becomes involved.
Oh sure, some may say "incident", but I think that's much too strong a word, with waayyy too many negative connotations..
(them big deal hospital folk is just a tad bit jumpy, not to mention a wee too pretentious, at least in my uneducated estimation)
Well I have some time to do my homework, and figure it all out if and when it come to it.
Thanks for that!


"Pat, I gave up on my sibs. Figure if they want to know about Mom, they will call. No sense getting my panties in a twist anymore. Makes life much easier!"

Yeah I'm up with that, and I did cut 'em all loose a while back.
It only bothers me because it's not like she doesn't remember she has other kiddos, but she won't say anything, she might be losing stuff, but her pride sure ain't one of 'em,
We've got a lot of pictures on the wall, of everybody in the family through the years, and she looks at them a bunch, but I don't really have a clue what's going on inside her little punkin' head when she does...I figure she wonders sometimes.
Hey ya know, oddly enough, twisting panties use to be a quite favorite hobby of mine, at least at one time in a galaxy far far away.
I can't say I personally owned any but....
Yeah yeah, I'll just be seein' my own self out ;-)

Hey, before I scoot, really, thanks everybody for lettin' me drop some cobwebs, and I promise on my honor as an ex carny, I'll try and come with something really super gross, you know, befitting such an esteemed crowd!
(I just don't think the moldy pineapple upside down cake, with red and green maraschino cherries, to make it all Christmasy of couse, and um, nicely camouflaged as it turned out, isn't gonna quite cut it)
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OK, one joke...

An physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

"Can you hear me NOW?"

"You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."

"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

"If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

"Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

"You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

"Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

Smile!
Love you,
Peach
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No jokes this morning, just something to think about...I agee, Bobbie...I was wrong. I'm sorry.

Correction does much, but encouragement does more.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We live by encouragement and die without it - slowly, sadly, angrily.
- Celeste Holm

“Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal” - Robert Collier

As we light a path for others, we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Peach
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speaking of sibs.....to heck with them when they want to act like idiots. I'm still mad at my two youngest....but have not spoken to them and probably won't. what I am the maddest about is all the grandkids who didn't give grandma the time of day, but now they are wailing and beating their chests and getting grandma tattoo's, and my middle child flew in from Denver today. Why now when she estranged herself from this family a long time ago.....didn't show up in 2008 for her grandfather's funeral. I do just fine with my hubby, the COL, my son and daughter-in-law and their two girls. My long time best friend and I were talking on facebook a little earlier and she said she saw the tattoo and it's goofy. I can't bring myself to go look at the pic.....just don't have the energy tonight to be more angry.....and I have to stop doing that, going to make myself sick. Spent the afternoon trying to explain to the COL that she doesn't need a bank statement for me to do her taxes..yes I paid her quarterly taxes all year, and why is your dog limping? She's calling him her "binky baby" now and I noticed the last several days he has been licking on one paw. Now I see he is limping....checked him well and the only thing I can see are his pads are real dry. Then he sits down on the floor and starts spinning circles.....oh my check him and gross!!!!!! He has poop dried on his behind and there are 2 odd looking cyst like growths and one is bleeding. Told her to hold a paper towel on him till it soaks off......she did for about 2 min then decided that was enough for now. Crap......must take him to vet tomorrow.....he looks miserable. It's becoming very apparent she is losing the ability to care for him. He is completely devoted to her so I guess now I will be caregiver to him also. I am really going to make an honest effort to wake up tomorrow and not be angry at anyone......:)
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Owie Kuli! and then the funny bits..man we are not dealing with that...yet.....
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Hello to all! Sorry I'm late with my New Year's wishes to all of you! Found out Thursday that I have a slipped disc in my back - no wonder it hurts so bad. Will be having a steroid injection on Thursday at the center where I work. Told dad about it but he has become so self focused, he really doesn't seem to care what other people are going through, only himself. I do realize that is part of dementia but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. On top of that, he was nasty as all get out again this weekend when I spent New Year's Eve with Jim. Dad's caregiver was here with him but even that didn't matter. I swear he thinks I'm his wife - God help me, THAT is GROSS! Even his caregiver says he seems to think it's a competition for my time between b/f and dad, wtf? Funny story, we had a patient tell one of my nurses to "Buck off" the other day. She was so shocked she called him back and then he called her a whore and a slut. All she wanted to do was give him his instructions. Guess he was having a bad day, huh? Miz - keep hanging in there. You have nothing to regret. You followed your heart and took good care of your mom. Gotta get to bed and hopefully get a few hours of sleep before the pain gets too bad again. Love and hugs to all! 2011 has got to be a better year - we all have each other from the start of it! Kuli
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People are so strange, Go figure. You do what you need to for you Miz and let them sort out the issues they cause for them selves..

Fear of death, anger, loss, guilt, what ever we all have it but, they set up their own misery...

You only need to take care of yourself best you can, you worked hard and gave all you had and were THERE...You deserve thanks and support and love not grief and hassles and recrimination or to deal with their issues after the fact....(or during).
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My sis called so rarely that I honestly don't know if Mom remembered her. It's so odd. When Dad passed suddenly, Sis said she thought she would get a call that said Dad is bad you need to come. When she got the calls about Mom she chose not to come and see her before she passed. Did not want to see Mom like that. So, Mom got to hear my voice and my brother's voice but not my sister's. Go figure. I am probably repeating myself but I think that comes with the territory. Unfortunately, this situation seems to be very common. I could not do it. I do not get it. Never will I don't think.
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Kathy, you're a doll. Thanks so much!!
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Congrats Deef!!!
I try to be very understanding with new people ~ however ~ how can you miss Pamela's head floating in the ocean, her comment & the other historic comments that followed .... You need to realize these folks don't need to be preached to!
Miz!!! You were right in there!

I've had enough Pollyanna's & 'know it alls' in my life that I like to weed them out fast. Growing up with 3 brainy older brothers must have set my standards.
I try to be as nice & compassionate as possible. When someone insults or belittles my honorable friends ... thats a whole nother story.
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You nailed it, Miz.
peace, baby.

lovbob
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PTSD is right, bobbie.

Okay, I have not read all the posts but I want to tell my story. I was at work today and one of the employees came in with her new baby. She was zipped up in a carrier so I asked her if the baby was a boy or girl. So then I got REALLY busy. This employee came around to my counter and waited behind me while I waited on a bunch of customers and other stuff. She just waited for me. As soon as I could I walked over and saw her new baby girl. Her name is Alison. I asked when she was born and I thought she said Dec. 1. And said, really that long ago? And she said yeah. And I said oh I was gone. I got to thinking about it and I realized Mom passed the day before. As she was leaving I said to her that I didn't even know her first name. She told me and I said You gave me a gift today. I started crying. I told her that my mom passed away on Nov. 30th and seeing her baby made me feel better. She probably thought I was nuts. It's like a circle of life thing. I was crying so I went to the bathroom. Anyways, the lord works in mysterious ways. I told her my mom was a wonderful lady. :)
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Tenn...man your town sounds like it is MOB'D UP! Southern Style!!! I hope you can figure something out This IS America people!

Agree about not jumping on the "shame on you'ers" when then so obliviously stumble upon this chat and find them selves offended and annoyed with us. Just tell em straight out it is an old but on going post when people set out frustrations and daily hassles to share with others doing the same thing...

Bobbie did they get the boat un stuck? hehehee...

Hope everyone is doing ok...minus things like "Leek Cleanser"...hmm maybe it has some antibacterial properties?...
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Deef!!

7900!!!

BOAT TIME!!!!

lovbob
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Hey Rossella!
Welcome home!

I agree with you on the folks that got thrown overboard.
It's hard for this crew to listen to the bs but I think that we have to change our tact and be inclusive.
It's my fault because at the time I just typed and hit post.
I wasn't in the mood, so
Oh Bite Me...... came out.
None of us are in the mood for it, but speaking for myself, I think I can tone it down somewhat and answer more with humor.

This is still the Grossed Out thread and what i would love for us to do is to see those folks not so far along on their journeys or not handling the unsettling reality of what is happening/coming.

Or, tear them a new one, up to you guys.
I am going to try and take my own advice.

Pat!
I can't imagine your pain, brother. Deef!
I didn't have idiot siblings, mom just had some hardcore idiot friends.
Mom's friends just couldn't accept it and I was the bad guy.
It was a nightmare for me and they were just her friends. I really can't imagine what it's like to try and deal with siblings who refuse to get it.
Mom's friends would take her out and disappear with her for HOURS and not tell me where they were. 'We'll show her!...'
the stress that I experienced for so many years brings me to the next phase of caregiving:
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
PTSD
Or
Post Idiot Sibling Survival Disorder
PISSD.

who would blame you?

lovbob
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I don't give Mom a drink with her meal anymore because she puts her food in the drink instead of her mouth. Got to love it!!! You never know what they will come up with next! Just like a little kid experimenting with everything they get their hands on!
Speaking of hands, every morning, Mom looks at her hands like she has never seen them before! I'm thinking she is back in time and younger in her mind, and wondering whose hands she is looking at.
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My mother when she does not want to eat anymore, she throws the food in the glass!
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Pat, I gave up on my sibs. Figure if they want to know about Mom, they will call. No sense getting my panties in a twist anymore. Makes life much easier!
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The mess was kind of my fault. I know that at night she usually can't feed herself. Gets distracted every other second and we just feed her at most meals now.
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