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Hi Angie, it is watching and waiting time you are where you need to be he knows you are there, sometimes they slip away the moment you leave the room, like our energy holds them here. Let him know you love him and it is OK to go and be at rest now...Maybe, I know it sounds crazy, you could sit close by and sing quietly some of his favorite Christmas songs...I actually did that beside my grandmother while she was passing...when no one else was listening of course. I would lay on the floor by the Hospice bed and hold her hand and sing. She died December 5th...
I guess they go when they are ready, time must be near....Thinking of you...
It is the AM West Coast here, nasty and cold. My bones hurt it is so cold..That is a very unpleasant feeling, hope store brand Tylenol takes care of it....I am letting the underwear go...I am sure there will be plenty more BS to come...but she won't have work to be po'd about much longer. Two more days and just in time really...for what the fourth week in a row she has said " I am going to have grandpa get a bath tonight..." and didn't do it...she doesn't want to she is tired and worn out, he hates doing it it is a big hassle...(cough cough another day he isn't dead ah hope springs eternal....) when she is off, no job no time constraints she can give him his bath every week....we shall see. Think I did too much on my ankle but staying off it as much as I can. It is about 20 degrees here, and we didn't seen the lunar eclipse here, too overcast, oh well. next one in 400 years I think....
Who are these people who come into our lives and add hassle bobbie? I swear...I think we all would come over and chuck his butt off your boat for you, some where shark infested!
Manipulative family members? Why do I know it but still always end up "surprised" like it should be something else? Hope springs stupid? What ever. man I am tired...just get him up and out of here today...
Good Morning All, Just wanted to check in.... Dad is still hanging in, i am exhausted. The nurse cant believe it..... no food or fluid... his body has begun the molten process and lays there with his eyes open. I was at his bedside until about 2am.... I think maybe his waiting for that one last christmas morning with his wife, i honestly do. I am not a big religious person, but i know that he is seeing all the angels around him..... This is the worse part i think for me, i am totally exhausted and so is mom..... When i have a chance i wfll read through the thread to catch up with everyone ...... Thank you all for all the hugs concern and prayers, please keep the prayers coming....... HUGS to all .... Angie
hey all, hear ya miz told mom wouldn't it be neat we coul gotto fl and go hang out on a big boat with some people and have a good time she said yes. i said ok we need to plan to do that. well i know i havent been here in a few day let me catch yall up i been cleanin house the chore i just love to hate the most! talking about the boat the other day on fb i relized i needed to go renew my license so glad i remembered. so i did that yesterday good for another four years wihed i lived in arizona i would not have to do it every four years.i would have 12 years or something crazy. talked to my son in california on skype a little. brought moma to the great granchildrens christmas plays. had to get her out of the house, so glad the weather was good. we even went to church sunday and had the chrismas play there. hadnt been to church in a month. moma shuts down in december starts in november and i had started ot shut down then i met yall. i pick us up dusted us off and started us off again and tonight one of the grandaughters is sending one of the great granddaughters over to grandma sit so this caregiver can sorta go out wahoho and by the way rip yeas they still mak the big anbigger inner tubes i just got rid of one since i dont have a boat the best place to get them is to go on line or to a boat shop wal mart has them but i might not be big enough. anyway, still cleaning it takes so long caus i get destracted or my back get to hurting and then what i have clean needs cleaning again but of course yall know what i mean.so i clean like a mad man for about 10 days and then only do what i have to fo about a month after that. caus then i cant hardly move. silly i know but we gota do what we gota do. i got get to the laundry i been watchy guys and today i will be runnin round i will talk to yall tommorrow here or there . everyone take care and i will see you soon. truecolors aka liz aka true aka elizabeth oxox
Good Morning Caregivers! Coffee Time! Sorry i was AWOL for a bit. some interesting things happened.
ok, guy that has a boat here comes to my boat and we have coffee. He's a widower and tells me all kind of stuff about different paperwork I'm dealing with (it was on the table and he noticed it). turns out that this used to be his job. alright, I'm listening. The more he talked about my papework, the more upset I got. I told him my background and that I'm 'broken' and can't handle a lot of stress, but boy does he keep going. Scoffs and tells me: you are NOT broken, blah blah blah. and he started out so nice. I could feel those old feelings of being betrayed sneak in and I asked him to stop talking about the stuff. He couldn't so I had to ask him to leave the boat. he was very blustery and I'm yeah, whatever, seeya.
I literally went to bed, hugged the Cat and cried. I cried for my daddy who in my perfect world would fix what was wrong. (only until I was about 9 or 10 but that works)
I fell asleep and then got up to make myself a bowl of salad and chickpeas and salmon and sat down to write to you guys and the phone goes off and it's my cuz from Michigan. We talked for over an hour and I got to talk to his wife and sweet! He has read the thread from the beginning thru June (after mom died [his aunt]) and said that he will check in from time to time. He knows y'alls names and stories and is he a good guy! His wife had to be a caregiver and she had trouble reading the thread because of all the memories. I get it.
Anyhoo, I was right, my bio mom called my aunt, his mom, and told her that my mom had died and then proceeded to trash me like there was no tomorrow. Cuz said she went on and on about how awful and vulgar I am and how I was abusive to my mom, etc etc. She also said that she never wanted to talk to me again and that I had better not try and call her because she's finished with me. I'm thinking, man, what must my cuz think? He's real low key about it and I want to ask the questions, but don't want to be the person who wants to hear the gossip, but hey! it's about me and I need to get this over with. Bottom line? they thinks she's bi polar, and 'over the top religious' (what a nice way to put it!) they have had experiences with her that have nothing to do with me and those experiences were bad so it's not me, folks! WooHoo, off the hook! I told him, and I got to talk to his wife for a bit, very cool, that I was worried about them because I think that she may have a form of dementia considering her behavior and their response: Wouldn't surprise us in the least. I of course am worried about who is going to take care of them even though she is very hateful to me. I do know that it's not going to be me! Like the guy who got himself invited OFF the boat: no more abuse! then the most magical thing happened! cuz said, hey you want to see some pictures of my BOAT? He's got a bee you tee ful FAST fishing boat. When his wife found out that you can lay around on the Barbara B and read or snooze, she was down for a visit. Sitting outside and getting wet is not her idea of a good time. mine either. so hopefully they can come down in the Spring!
I have a relative!!! where there's boats there's proof!! btw, he's the one who taught me how to drive a speedboat. I think I was 9 or so. they liked to ski and I liked to drive.
I want to get a big inner tube (remember those?) off an EarthMover (do they still have inner tubes?) and fix it up and tow it behind the boat. Lay up in that and fish.
I went from the depths to the top yesterday and as we all know, that can wipe you out!
I have not moved the boat yet but am getting ready to do so. I am very excited because we will have a caregiver and her husband on board! Working out the details!
love to you guys and Jen, when I cared for my mom we used the money for necessities. Her money, my money, our money. refuse to tolerate the enslavement. That is what it is. I love ya kid and hope that you can come and hang out on the boat. All of you guys. As Miz says: love yous.
Hey Family! Don't fret! I'm still 'hangin in there'! Just really tired after Sunday...LONG day! Church, lunch, family Christmas get together, Larry's friend's house, funeral home, collaspe! Today has been really low key for both of us. Please know that I'm thinking about every one of you & have you all in my heart! All of you...NO guilt!!! You're ALL doing a great job! Love & Hugs to y'all!!! Peach : )
oh Miz ........... Sleep is so difficult & evasive! When I lost Mom I didn't really sleep for years. Why? I don't know ...I'd think I'd drifted off, maybe slept .. & then look at the clock to find it was an eary hour & I hadn't really slept but a few minutes.
I often wonder how medical students survive the schedules I hear about. I also wonder why this laptop computer fights me to simply write a sentence! I must rewrite so many things b/c I hit a key that freaks the comput ....er ...
Ugh!! I can't sleep. I don't understand it cause I took my meds. I think Sassy woke me up. Seems she has clawed her way through the thin sheet that lines the box springs and I can feel her moving. At first I worried someone was in the house. Of course hubby is sleeping right through it. Lucky!! So, I had a smoke and drank a little diet green tea and now I'm on here. I'm sleepy though. Rossella, thank you for the comments about my guilt. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and catch some Z's. Good Night, Everyone. Love yous!!
AH Rossella ..... Your family situation. SO sad & tragic since they once were agreeable in a fun way.
The man in the restaurant is a poet. Makes many people enjoy his food! Shares his passion! The sweetest thing is he doesn't seem to realize it! Most times he is just being a kind, understanding friend.
I've heard his wife makes the money come in. Pulls the strings of the talented puppet.
Boys, Girls... What a stories! Linda I am so sorry for your brother. I understand you can't forgive your sister in law. Maybe she continues to drink because of the sense of guilt! Jen, hopping among threads in this site you must have seen that many of us have manipulative parents. There is nothing to do; you can't change them. You have to find a way to defend yourself! Mizzi, I think that everyone of us will feel guilty about the things he could have made differently when his/her parent was alive. I "know" I will regret my lack of patience. But, I am so tired sometimes that patience becomes impossible. It is not us who should feel guilty - rather our absent relatives. My brother told me a few days ago that my mother's siblings (she has a brother and a sister alive) have organized a Christmas Eve together and they have not invited me and my mother. I think it's awful. My brother wrote an e-mail to my cousin (the daughter of my aunt) reminding her how much my mother, when she was an "agreable" person, always helped and welcomed all the family. And (my brother) told her that if the family relationship does not count anymore, he does not care anymore about that part of the family, either. He was quite tough, but he was perfectly right. I hope they will be a little bit ashamed of themselves. They have not called here for a long time. I am "glad" that my mother's mind does not work anymore, sometimes, because I know how much she would suffer from a thing like this. She calls her siblings all day long... So Mizzi, who should feel guilty? You and people like you?
Ted, try, try, try to work, so you will have some money to pay a "babysitter" and will be more free....
He is very successul with his restaurant! Fun to be around always! His American wife, who works with him must be very patient .... their children are often scampering thru the restaurant. He really should start a diet program - reminding people that food can be savored.
So where are Angie, Bobbie, Peach & some others?
ah! You too! PeopLe can be so insensitive when you simply can't eat! My ex told me he thought I had anorexia. Duh ... his daughter ( my former step-girl) had just completed a lenghty project on it. Told him it was stress!
rip ! i like ur man ! wow sounds so hubba hubba the way he talks to u , makin love to every bits of that food . ohhhhh , did u have 2nds ? now im eating peanuts ! i am 5'5 also . maybe 120 lbs , maybe less maybe more who knows . last i ck it was 120 . when i was working , i was down to 105 , felt like a toothpick , so glad im not working anymore . xoxo
I couldn't eat when Mom suffered with chemo. We both choked & gagged with everything. Afterward I swore I'd never look at another can of Ensure. Don't know what I weighed but one day after I went thru a huge Seattle mall looking for just one pair of jeans that fit. Money was no object. So what I learned? Super Models do not shop. I'm around 5' 5" with a standard frame, a little long waisted with decent hips - not one pair of jeans fit me! They all fell off!
That whole year was bad for me. November Dad went into his post surgical coma thing for a couple of months - when he recovered & was released from the hospital we both weighed 109. Way down from his usual 155. I had managed to gain that weight. But what I really needed to gain was strength. During both of their illnesses my strength for everything was zapped. Like my appetite. I don't recommend it as a diet plan or we'd all cash in. I do recall the first time I felt like eating. A unique restaurant in a neighboring town. The owner / chef was so attentive. We were regulars - He knewn things had been tough.
I had a glass of wine as he prepared me a special dish. I believe it was seafood with a tarragon sauce. He sat with us in our booth after he served. He said something like: "Enjoy your food, my dear thin Mary. The best way is you must seduce it like a lover. Let the flavors tease you. Slowly taste every little spice & seasoning I included in your dish ... slowly, try not to let it get away from your tongue too quickly. savor ... Remember, another bite still awaits on your plate. Don't rush for it ... Please relax & enjoy the time eating what I prepared for you.".
Yes, Rossella. From Italy. (Can you control the men there?) If my ex didn't know him he might have been offended.
I know what ya mean Miz--Mom passed in July and I'm just starting to gain weight back-thanks to my daughter who has me over a lot.---I lost big time--I'm 103 now-was 130. Christmas is super hard this year, but---
i quit wrapping few yrs ago , find that pain in the butt , i buy a big bag and stuff it all in , this year i found at dollar tree a big santa bag made out of cloth and filll er up , i like it !
I hate to cook too. I'd rather clean up. I'm trying to decide if I want to start wrapping presents tonight or tomorrow morning. Not really in the mood. No Christmas spirit.
me too , i eat when im hungry . hate cooking eeek.. think bobbie s out on adventure , think she said she s moving her boat somewhere ? wheres gp and deefer and sibbling . everybody ! nothing on tv tnite all repeat and boring . liz ! where is she ?
hi im here , i had to shut down the compture cuz it was running slow , then took care of pa , am waiting for coffee water to get hot , got the computer going again whew , faster and better . :-) j somebody , how about take some of ur worst underwear and wrap em up and give em to ur mom for cma s , thinkshe ll wear it ? makes me so mad , she should give u hugs and apprecaited having u there with her and her dad . my daughter is here and i prasie her ! love my baby girl . j , i love you too :-)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
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Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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I guess they go when they are ready, time must be near....Thinking of you...
Think I did too much on my ankle but staying off it as much as I can.
It is about 20 degrees here, and we didn't seen the lunar eclipse here, too overcast, oh well. next one in 400 years I think....
Who are these people who come into our lives and add hassle bobbie? I swear...I think we all would come over and chuck his butt off your boat for you, some where shark infested!
Manipulative family members? Why do I know it but still always end up "surprised" like it should be something else? Hope springs stupid? What ever. man I am tired...just get him up and out of here today...
Hi to everyone...hope things OK where you are...
well i know i havent been here in a few day let me catch yall up i been cleanin house the chore i just love to hate the most!
talking about the boat the other day on fb i relized i needed to go renew my license so glad i remembered. so i did that yesterday good for another four years wihed i lived in arizona i would not have to do it every four years.i would have 12 years or something crazy. talked to my son in california on skype a little. brought moma to the great granchildrens christmas plays. had to get her out of the house, so glad the weather was good. we even went to church sunday and had the chrismas play there. hadnt been to church in a month.
moma shuts down in december starts in november and i had started ot shut down then i met yall.
i pick us up
dusted us off
and started us off again
and tonight one of the grandaughters is sending one of the great granddaughters over to grandma sit so this caregiver can sorta go out
wahoho
and by the way rip yeas they still mak the big anbigger inner tubes i just got rid of one since i dont have a boat
the best place to get them is to go on line or to a boat shop
wal mart has them but i might not be big enough.
anyway, still cleaning it takes so long caus i get destracted or my back get to hurting and then what i have clean needs cleaning again but of course yall know what i mean.so i clean like a mad man for about 10 days and then only do what i have to fo about a month after that. caus then i cant hardly move. silly i know but we gota do what we gota do.
i got get to the laundry i been watchy guys and today i will be runnin round i will talk to yall tommorrow here or there .
everyone take care and i will see you soon.
truecolors aka liz aka true aka elizabeth oxox
great post bobbie!
I can't think yet, going to get coffee.
ssk
Coffee Time!
Sorry i was AWOL for a bit. some interesting things happened.
ok, guy that has a boat here comes to my boat and we have coffee. He's a widower and tells me all kind of stuff about different paperwork I'm dealing with (it was on the table and he noticed it). turns out that this used to be his job. alright, I'm listening. The more he talked about my papework, the more upset I got. I told him my background and that I'm 'broken' and can't handle a lot of stress, but boy does he keep going. Scoffs and tells me: you are NOT broken, blah blah blah. and he started out so nice.
I could feel those old feelings of being betrayed sneak in and I asked him to stop talking about the stuff. He couldn't so I had to ask him to leave the boat. he was very blustery and I'm yeah, whatever, seeya.
I literally went to bed, hugged the Cat and cried. I cried for my daddy who in my perfect world would fix what was wrong. (only until I was about 9 or 10 but that works)
I fell asleep and then got up to make myself a bowl of salad and chickpeas and salmon and sat down to write to you guys and the phone goes off and it's my cuz from Michigan.
We talked for over an hour and I got to talk to his wife and sweet!
He has read the thread from the beginning thru June (after mom died [his aunt]) and said that he will check in from time to time.
He knows y'alls names and stories and is he a good guy! His wife had to be a caregiver and she had trouble reading the thread because of all the memories. I get it.
Anyhoo, I was right, my bio mom called my aunt, his mom, and told her that my mom had died and then proceeded to trash me like there was no tomorrow.
Cuz said she went on and on about how awful and vulgar I am and how I was abusive to my mom, etc etc. She also said that she never wanted to talk to me again and that I had better not try and call her because she's finished with me.
I'm thinking, man, what must my cuz think?
He's real low key about it and I want to ask the questions, but don't want to be the person who wants to hear the gossip, but hey! it's about me and I need to get this over with.
Bottom line? they thinks she's bi polar, and 'over the top religious' (what a nice way to put it!) they have had experiences with her that have nothing to do with me and those experiences were bad so it's not me, folks! WooHoo, off the hook!
I told him, and I got to talk to his wife for a bit, very cool, that I was worried about them because I think that she may have a form of dementia considering her behavior and their response:
Wouldn't surprise us in the least.
I of course am worried about who is going to take care of them even though she is very hateful to me. I do know that it's not going to be me! Like the guy who got himself invited OFF the boat: no more abuse!
then the most magical thing happened! cuz said, hey you want to see some pictures of my BOAT?
He's got a bee you tee ful FAST fishing boat.
When his wife found out that you can lay around on the Barbara B and read or snooze, she was down for a visit. Sitting outside and getting wet is not her idea of a good time. mine either. so hopefully they can come down in the Spring!
I have a relative!!! where there's boats there's proof!!
btw, he's the one who taught me how to drive a speedboat. I think I was 9 or so. they liked to ski and I liked to drive.
I want to get a big inner tube (remember those?) off an EarthMover (do they still have inner tubes?) and fix it up and tow it behind the boat. Lay up in that and fish.
I went from the depths to the top yesterday and as we all know, that can wipe you out!
I have not moved the boat yet but am getting ready to do so.
I am very excited because we will have a caregiver and her husband on board! Working out the details!
love to you guys and Jen, when I cared for my mom we used the money for necessities. Her money, my money, our money.
refuse to tolerate the enslavement. That is what it is.
I love ya kid and hope that you can come and hang out on the boat.
All of you guys.
As Miz says: love yous.
lovbob
Please know that I'm thinking about every one of you & have you all in my heart!
All of you...NO guilt!!! You're ALL doing a great job!
Love & Hugs to y'all!!!
Peach : )
Sleep is so difficult & evasive! When I lost Mom I didn't really sleep for years.
Why?
I don't know ...I'd think I'd drifted off, maybe slept .. & then look at the clock to find it was an eary hour & I hadn't really slept but a few minutes.
I often wonder how medical students survive the schedules I hear about.
I also wonder why this laptop computer fights me to simply write a sentence! I must rewrite so many things b/c I hit a key that freaks the comput ....er ...
miz
Your family situation. SO sad & tragic since they once were agreeable in a fun way.
The man in the restaurant is a poet. Makes many people enjoy his food! Shares his passion!
The sweetest thing is he doesn't seem to realize it!
Most times he is just being a kind, understanding friend.
I've heard his wife makes the money come in. Pulls the strings of the talented puppet.
Yeah, food = sex, here
Linda I am so sorry for your brother. I understand you can't forgive your sister in law. Maybe she continues to drink because of the sense of guilt!
Jen, hopping among threads in this site you must have seen that many of us have manipulative parents. There is nothing to do; you can't change them. You have to find a way to defend yourself!
Mizzi, I think that everyone of us will feel guilty about the things he could have made differently when his/her parent was alive. I "know" I will regret my lack of patience. But, I am so tired sometimes that patience becomes impossible.
It is not us who should feel guilty - rather our absent relatives. My brother told me a few days ago that my mother's siblings (she has a brother and a sister alive) have organized a Christmas Eve together and they have not invited me and my mother. I think it's awful. My brother wrote an e-mail to my cousin (the daughter of my aunt) reminding her how much my mother, when she was an "agreable" person, always helped and welcomed all the family. And (my brother) told her that if the family relationship does not count anymore, he does not care anymore about that part of the family, either. He was quite tough, but he was perfectly right. I hope they will be a little bit ashamed of themselves. They have not called here for a long time.
I am "glad" that my mother's mind does not work anymore, sometimes, because I know how much she would suffer from a thing like this. She calls her siblings all day long...
So Mizzi, who should feel guilty? You and people like you?
Ted, try, try, try to work, so you will have some money to pay a "babysitter" and will be more free....
love,
miz
He really should start a diet program - reminding people that food can be savored.
So where are Angie, Bobbie, Peach & some others?
ah! You too!
PeopLe can be so insensitive when you simply can't eat!
My ex told me he thought I had anorexia. Duh ... his daughter ( my former step-girl) had just completed a lenghty project on it.
Told him it was stress!
now im eating peanuts ! i am 5'5 also . maybe 120 lbs , maybe less maybe more who knows . last i ck it was 120 .
when i was working , i was down to 105 , felt like a toothpick ,
so glad im not working anymore . xoxo
I couldn't eat when Mom suffered with chemo. We both choked & gagged with everything. Afterward I swore I'd never look at another can of Ensure.
Don't know what I weighed but one day after I went thru a huge Seattle mall looking for just one pair of jeans that fit. Money was no object.
So what I learned? Super Models do not shop. I'm around 5' 5" with a standard frame, a little long waisted with decent hips - not one pair of jeans fit me! They all fell off!
That whole year was bad for me. November Dad went into his post surgical coma thing for a couple of months - when he recovered & was released from the hospital we both weighed 109.
Way down from his usual 155. I had managed to gain that weight.
But what I really needed to gain was strength. During both of their illnesses my strength for everything was zapped.
Like my appetite. I don't recommend it as a diet plan or we'd all cash in.
I do recall the first time I felt like eating. A unique restaurant in a neighboring town. The owner / chef was so attentive. We were regulars - He knewn things had been tough.
I had a glass of wine as he prepared me a special dish. I believe it was seafood with a tarragon sauce. He sat with us in our booth after he served. He said something like:
"Enjoy your food, my dear thin Mary. The best way is you must seduce it like a lover. Let the flavors tease you. Slowly taste every little spice & seasoning I included in your dish ... slowly, try not to let it get away from your tongue too quickly. savor ... Remember, another bite still awaits on your plate. Don't rush for it ... Please relax & enjoy the time eating what I prepared for you.".
Yes, Rossella. From Italy. (Can you control the men there?)
If my ex didn't know him he might have been offended.
I wish others would check in.
love,
miz
think bobbie s out on adventure , think she said she s moving her boat somewhere ?
wheres gp and deefer and sibbling . everybody ! nothing on tv tnite all repeat and boring . liz ! where is she ?
j somebody , how about take some of ur worst underwear and wrap em up and give em to ur mom for cma s , thinkshe ll wear it ? makes me so mad , she should give u hugs and apprecaited having u there with her and her dad . my daughter is here and i prasie her ! love my baby girl .
j , i love you too :-)