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Mary, I am so glad that your father feels he is respected and loved outside his house. It is so important for them - it is one of the first thing they lose when they get a disease like Alz or dementia. Nobody loves them anymore. It's so sad. ((( one of my cousins called me yesterday and she asked me if my mother went to the bathroom by herself! I had told her 1000 times that it happens very, very rarely. She - my cousin - refuses this idea, which is too gross for her, so she "forgets" it all the time))) (this is a good example of: I dont wanna know, I dont wanna see, I dont wanna understand) Jam, when I read your last post I smiled and thought that at least turkey and ham is not damaging to your MIL's dog! When you give her some food, keep in mind her dog's diet! If you try to convince her not to feed her dog, it is a lost battle. You can just hope that she eats 10% of what you give her. Anyway don't worry too much about food; they don't need too much food. They move so little! Their metabolism is so slow! I had to interrupt because I heard a crash in the other part of the house. It was not my mother, it was the cat Cocaine who when I went there, she had a guilty look on her face. I don't know what she has done, I'll check tomorrow. Cocaine refuses to sleep in my room, she prefers to stay with my mother.
oh Rossella ... Thank YOU so much for being here with us!
I wish I knew of a talented film maker who could take your words, film your life & create a quiet yet powerul movie about Alz, aging & living with it.
I think that for many of us since there is not an instruction manual. Everyone is different ... yet everywhere I go I find someone touched by eldercare or someone associated kwho knows someone who ...
Today I took Sir into the Lab or his PSA blood draw. To get there we must pass the pharmacy windows where many friends work. *We have lived in this town since it was small, now a suburb.
As we crept thru the hallway - 9 pharmacists, techs, etc. waved & smiled at him! This crumpled old guy who used to brighten their days with a basket of fresh garden produce & a smile ... most of the employees didn't remember him from back then ... but know his photos with pets on the pharmacy bulletin board. & me ... his drug wielder. I felt so proud of my Dad! Even tho he couldn't see them due to vision loss ~ he flipped them off with his standard Bird Finger wave. almost famous ... He has Dupertryns contractures (sp) which cause the tendons in his hands to shrink. The only straight finger he has is his middle one & he knows how to use it.
Rosella I love reading your posts....you and the other angels here have helped me so much and I don't feel so alone dealing with MIL. Now I am trying to decide if her forgetfulness is due to the dementia, the meds or both. Earlier this evening when I took her meds to her I asked what she had for dinner and she said a couple of apricots....they have been sitting in a glass in her fridge for about a month....originally came out of a can. I enticed her with ham and turkey and a big slice of apple pie. But I said she can't feed it to her doggie. So I took my blind, deaf 14 yr old doggie outside and could see into MIL house and there she is feeding her food to dog. So inside I go and have to sit with her while she eats. It was so funny watching her......she so wanted to hand the food to the dog. But when I tried to talk to her about not giving food away she acted like she didn't have the slightest idea of what I was talking about. She doesn't seem to be able to hold a thought past 5 min. Is this dementia, meds.....I just don't know.
p,s, the honour of the post no. 6000 goes to... JEN| You win a puppet to be put on the top of the ramp. When I wrote the post no. 5000 I won a goldfish, but when he saw my cats he escaped and jumped directly in the Tiber river.
First of all: Miz, I don't know when you will read the new posts, anyway I am glad you are having a support from you siblings and I hope they continue to stay with you!!!! Take good care!
2) The new people that come on this thread, they answer according to the title of the thread and they don't even think of reading 6000 posts (Honestly, I shouldn't either! It's longer than "War and Peace"). Maybe, at this point, we could propose the Aging Staff to change the title of this thread, for example: "Caregivers daily news and miseries - If you want to vent and share experiences, this is the right place! Read the last posts to be updated!!!!" so new people would know what it is about. 3) Jam.... Courage! 4) Deef, I am frightened by what you say but in a way, I know it is going to happen as I see what happened to my aunt, who is maybe even worse than your mom. My uncle never got to that stage; let's say he arrived to the stage my mother is now. I remember he spent the last months taking pictures of the sea (he had a terrace on the bay of Naples) and printing them, and it gave him a lot of joy. (sweet memory! sweet uncle) What frightens me is the rate of this declining. May I ask you how much time it passed between the time you could "talk" with your mother and the time that you realized that she did not really understand you anymore? I know my mother now does not understand 90% of what we say, for example the real concept of night and day. When I say "You can't go home to see your parents now; it's 3 o'clock in the night, we shall talk about it tomorrow". She does not know what I mean. The only thing she knows is that she wants to go home. She does not understand anymore that the TV is fake and what happens there does not happen to us. Some months ago, she understood it. Sometimes, when I see the look in her face and I see that she does not know who I really am, where she is, where are her bed, the bathroom; she does not remember if she has had lunch or not, I wonder how she can still put together sentences who have a meaning (and the meaning is always the same: 1) I want to go home 2) When are my relatives arriving? We are waiting them for dinner (and she refuses to eat because her frigging relatives don't come, of course). We have no more "subjects of conversation" apart from these 2. So I guess that very soon she won't be able to talk anymore. How long will it take, Deef? I have to prepare myself and brace myself because I know it will be even harder than now.
I can't stop thinking about miz and what she must be going through. I look at my dad and see the tiredness in his eyes and know it's only a matter of time for him to be in the same situation. Hopefully, he won't be in the hospital. It's all so hard - whether it's the everyday struggles to maintain sanity or the idea of them not being here anymore. I will never regret my choice to care for dad but don't know if given the choice again, would be so quick to offer my assistance. At least when he passes, I won't feel the guilt my sibs should feel - who knows if they will. Hope all have a peaceful evening and are able to get some well deserved rest! Love and kisses to all.
I would say the ramp really is just about done. It looks very nice and is being done fully to code so no issues when it is done, I think they will finish up in the dark if they have to...
New Posters remember to check the dates of these blogs the toothbrush incident was the opener to a long and involved blog for quite a few people since the beginning of the year. Sometimes the snippy comments are a bit...snippy and way out of sync. At least now we know....
Deef I do not envy your situation, mine is disgusting but he is tractable, you have a toddler on your hands, worn out bad sinus head ache I think turned into migraine...gonna boil my head now...
He has been eating cookies all day, fine what ever do what you want...
Linda, Check your hubby's blood pressure. Could be why the red face. If it's too high, get him to the ER! Glad your nephew is doing well. I'm sick of being sick and over tired! Last night I went to bed with this 6 week cold getting worse AGAIN!. I see the doctor for my yearly physical tomorrow. Hope he can fix this, cuss I've had it!!!! Bobbie, hope you get better faster than me! Rossella, Mom is about the same as yours. Can no longer recognize people most of the time. Is wheelchair bound because of PD, which is a good thing. Too many falls before! So much grossness that I couldn't even begin to relate it all to you. She is almost totally incontinent both ways. Cannot feed herself most of the time. Doesn't communicate well for lack of pulling the right words out of her brain. Is not processing simple commands most of the time. And the OCD!!!!!!The habits will drive me to my grave first!!! Constant hand movement: rubbing her hands, her legs, her pants, scratching her head, rubbing the table with- the food she is not eating, her dirty tissues, her spit..... Constantly scrapping and banging her plate with the utensils, putting her food into her drink glass, throwing her plate on the floor, pulling the cover off the couch, moving the furniture around and on and on and on..... At night she won't take her dentures out before bed, and clamps her mouth shut tight so I can't take them out. Then I find them on the floor in the morning! Holds her mouth shut tight so she doesn't have to eat or take her pills, but opens it for junk food no problem! Now she does this new thing. Clamps her mouth shut tight until she can't get her breath, then lets it out as she is turning blue!!! I have to pinch her nose shut to get her to open her mouth!!! The good news is that when you pass out, you automatically start to breath. The bad news is that I fear the lack of oxygen will kill the few brain cells she has left!!! None of her children came for Thanksgiving dinner, but 3 of them stopped by for a few minutes on their way home. Just long enough to "F" her up royally for 3 days! Rossella, I can surely understand where you are at with your mom! The sad thing is, this woman who I am caring for is no longer my "Mom". That makes it even harder for those of us who are at this point, to deal with our situations. Sorry I haven't been posting much lately, but I do read everyone that goes through when I have time. I hope when I feel better physically, that my emotional state will return to it's former "kick ass" self. I hate being down in the dumps! Everyone have a good evening!! Kathy
I see a common trait in our 'new' voices. they are really new to the site. When I look at the profile I don't see any other activity and I don't see for whom they are caring.
I had a real sarcastic mean one in my hugs section a few days ago but got her straightened out. To sick to wrestle with this one and the one yesterday. someone else is welcome to step up!
love you guys.
Where's Ted? Crowe? Kuli? GP? hope everybody is doing as well as they can considering the circumstances.
tee-heee. buy another toothbrush and give her the one she been using yuk . now thats gross , id buy mom a new one too . uhhhh . give her the old one , lmao.. hubby s not feeling good , his face is beet red , dizzy a little he says , i hope its not his heart . he said my arm feels fine , so hope its just a touch of flu .
I would have just given the toothbrush to her and hid my new one for myself. There is nothing to be grossed out about unless of course you dont have another toothbrush and no way to boil that one out. At least now you know.
Dear Everyone. I came home for a little while to get some rest and take a shower. I want you all to know how much I appreciate all of you and am so grateful for your love and caring. Bobbie has been telling me about the angels on the boat and I am overwhelmed by your support. This has helped me getting through all of this so much. My brother and SIL are at the hospital with Mom. She's hanging in there and we are all talking to her and telling her that we are there and how much she is loved. Thank you SO MUCH for the bear. He is so cute and huggable. I was so touched to receive him. I am very sad and tired but I'm okay. It's hard to say how long Mom will last. My only wish is for her to be comfortable and pain free. I know it won't really hit me until she passes. I'm not sure a person can prepare her/himself for that kind of loss. I just have to tell myself that she has lived a full life and that Dad is waiting for her in heaven. The pastor that married hubby and I came to see her today and prayed with us. Please know that I love you all and I will read all of your posts at a later time. What a life line you all have been. Take good care. I hope things are going as well as they possibly can for you all.
"Take Care Of Yourself..." I think, when it is between care givers it means something else...Not the generic "Have A Nice Day." variety platitude but the MY GOD I know how run down you are, go out side, watch a movie,spit out a window, grab yer car keys and drive around the block, run around the block, call a sitter and take a nap...ANYTHING to help give yourself a break even the smallest bit of self time in the endless trial and mess that is 24/7 care-giving. Just one of a thousand stop gap measures you can take to keep from going bug house. Both take care of yourself so you don't run out of energy and literally end up in the hole and take care of yourself so there is some of you left for you when this is over...But I do understand the..."I am doing the best I can and I really can't PUT ME in the first priority seat here. Much as that is same and healthy it is just NOT gonna work!
Here, the ramp guy is trying to get the railings up before the, well between the snow storms......Man I have had enough already. If we get another five footer snow fall this year I think I WILL steal my grandfathers cash and just get a flight out of state. But will she return.....? I might not!
He is dumping out his urinals, fine with me, you wanna be useful you dump your piss, it isn't like you can't USE the bathroom...Went for Dilantin check re check double check check...what ever. Results later in week...Whatever.
Tired, cold worn out have a really bad sinus headache now...and the construction noise begins...
I hope and pray Miz is doing OK where ever she is and her mom is passing peacefully...
rosella I do believe you are correct. It's like one minute she will participate in conversations without a problem, then the next minute she does or says something completely off the wall. The biggest problem seems to be that if you want her to do or not do something and say it in a nice, fun way, she completely ignores us with a "cutesy" little comment. When we are firm her whole demeanor changes and the hidden monster shows up.
oh hahaha . guess i shall not to forget that again . :-) ahh gotta get off this thing and go do some slavery work ! dishes , laundry piled up needed to put them away , sweep floor do more laundry . anybody wanna come over and help me ? lol love you all , xoxoxox
Linda, what a good new! If he can move, he is not paralized, that's for sure!!!! I am so glad to see again the xoxoxo at the end of your posts. You missed it a couple of times!
Jam, it seems to me your MIL is in an intermediate stage, that is she has still enough sense to know what she is doing and she plays with it and she uses it. It was the stage of my mother until some months ago. (she is completely lost, now). I remember it was difficult to understand, then, if she was "joking" or not. My mother is more manageable now, but "her" life is certainly worse. Your MIL probably will become more and more dependent on you, with occasional attempts at being independent. Anyhow, this disease sucks. We said it many times, and it does not become less true even if we say so a thousand times.... Bobbie it's good you have so many good memories of your mother, even of the period she was sick. I hope it will be the same for me!
amen bobbie ! i remmy one early morning getting ready for school . mom made me hot choc to drink , i didnt know she was in the bathroom behind me , i took a sip out of the cup and when she opened that door the hot choc went all over my hair face shirt and pant ! scared the crap out of me ! . had to run back upstairs and hurry wash my hair and find something eles to wear ! whew almost mised the bus , while iwas runnin around tryin to hurry i could hear my mom laughin and laughin so hard , it brought tears to her eyes . when i came home from school she grinn so big and said she kept laughin all day long . that was not no peek a boo . lol . heard from my sis , she said her son can move his feet and arms , so thats a good sign , he may not be parlazie , thank u jesus ! xoxo
I used to play peekaboo with my mom all the time. mom also used to sneak up on me when I was writing and scare the bejesus out of me. She loved it. I used to jump out at her when i was a kid and I told her I knew she was getting me back. she would laugh. peekaboo beats the tar out of a mean ol bee yatch.
Thank you rosella you make me feel better able to cope. When MIL snarled at me last night about is this how my "golden years" are going to be, I told her they would be what she made of them. After her nasty little tantrum earlier, when I checked to put her in bed she played peek-a-boo with the bed linen.....:) oh the joys of dementia!!!
It happens to me, too, Sskape. Last time it happened one or two months ago. Two cousins of mine, (two nieces of my mother) were in Rome, 1 hour far from where I live. My mother always asks about her family. I asked my cousins if I could drive my mother to Rome and meet them wherever they wanted to, to have a coffee together and make my mother happy. They didn't have to make any effort, just give me 1/2 hour of their precious time. Well, they told me they couldn't- And I know that they had been in Rome for 3 days, (not for work. They don't work anymore). They didn't find a half an hour for us, in 3 days!!! When they call me and they ask me about my mother, and say that they are sorry for me and for her, I don't believe them anymore. Talk, talk, talk, talk. Talking is easy
sskape, you are right. They think they are generous when they say "Dear, dear, take care of yourself!" But, when you say: "I'd like to have a couple of hours for myself" no one of these people will say: "Okay, go wherever you want, I stay here with your mother/father for two hours". They just say: "I hope that you can find a couple of hours for yourself, because you really need and deserve it!" They kiss-kiss and they go shopping or playing tennis. Bite their ass!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
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((( one of my cousins called me yesterday and she asked me if my mother went to the bathroom by herself! I had told her 1000 times that it happens very, very rarely. She - my cousin - refuses this idea, which is too gross for her, so she "forgets" it all the time))) (this is a good example of: I dont wanna know, I dont wanna see, I dont wanna understand)
Jam, when I read your last post I smiled and thought that at least turkey and ham is not damaging to your MIL's dog! When you give her some food, keep in mind her dog's diet! If you try to convince her not to feed her dog, it is a lost battle. You can just hope that she eats 10% of what you give her. Anyway don't worry too much about food; they don't need too much food. They move so little! Their metabolism is so slow!
I had to interrupt because I heard a crash in the other part of the house. It was not my mother, it was the cat Cocaine who when I went there, she had a guilty look on her face. I don't know what she has done, I'll check tomorrow. Cocaine refuses to sleep in my room, she prefers to stay with my mother.
Thank YOU so much for being here with us!
I wish I knew of a talented film maker who could take your words, film your life & create a quiet yet powerul movie about Alz, aging & living with it.
I think that for many of us since there is not an instruction manual. Everyone is different ... yet everywhere I go I find someone touched by eldercare or someone associated kwho knows someone who ...
Today I took Sir into the Lab or his PSA blood draw.
To get there we must pass the pharmacy windows where many friends work.
*We have lived in this town since it was small, now a suburb.
As we crept thru the hallway - 9 pharmacists, techs, etc. waved & smiled at him! This crumpled old guy who used to brighten their days with a basket of fresh garden produce & a smile ...
most of the employees didn't remember him from back then ... but know his photos with pets on the pharmacy bulletin board.
& me ... his drug wielder.
I felt so proud of my Dad!
Even tho he couldn't see them due to vision loss ~ he flipped them off with his standard Bird Finger wave.
almost famous ...
He has Dupertryns contractures (sp) which cause the tendons in his hands to shrink. The only straight finger he has is his middle one & he knows how to use it.
You win a puppet to be put on the top of the ramp.
When I wrote the post no. 5000 I won a goldfish, but when he saw my cats he escaped and jumped directly in the Tiber river.
2) The new people that come on this thread, they answer according to the title of the thread and they don't even think of reading 6000 posts (Honestly, I shouldn't either! It's longer than "War and Peace"). Maybe, at this point, we could propose the Aging Staff to change the title of this thread, for example: "Caregivers daily news and miseries - If you want to vent and share experiences, this is the right place! Read the last posts to be updated!!!!" so new people would know what it is about.
3) Jam.... Courage!
4) Deef, I am frightened by what you say but in a way, I know it is going to happen as I see what happened to my aunt, who is maybe even worse than your mom. My uncle never got to that stage; let's say he arrived to the stage my mother is now. I remember he spent the last months taking pictures of the sea (he had a terrace on the bay of Naples) and printing them, and it gave him a lot of joy. (sweet memory! sweet uncle) What frightens me is the rate of this declining. May I ask you how much time it passed between the time you could "talk" with your mother and the time that you realized that she did not really understand you anymore? I know my mother now does not understand 90% of what we say, for example the real concept of night and day. When I say "You can't go home to see your parents now; it's 3 o'clock in the night, we shall talk about it tomorrow". She does not know what I mean. The only thing she knows is that she wants to go home. She does not understand anymore that the TV is fake and what happens there does not happen to us. Some months ago, she understood it. Sometimes, when I see the look in her face and I see that she does not know who I really am, where she is, where are her bed, the bathroom; she does not remember if she has had lunch or not, I wonder how she can still put together sentences who have a meaning (and the meaning is always the same: 1) I want to go home 2) When are my relatives arriving? We are waiting them for dinner (and she refuses to eat because her frigging relatives don't come, of course). We have no more "subjects of conversation" apart from these 2. So I guess that very soon she won't be able to talk anymore.
How long will it take, Deef? I have to prepare myself and brace myself because I know it will be even harder than now.
Good night and a big kiss to everybody
Deef I do not envy your situation, mine is disgusting but he is tractable, you have a toddler on your hands, worn out bad sinus head ache I think turned into migraine...gonna boil my head now...
He has been eating cookies all day, fine what ever do what you want...
I'm sick of being sick and over tired! Last night I went to bed with this 6 week cold getting worse AGAIN!. I see the doctor for my yearly physical tomorrow. Hope he can fix this, cuss I've had it!!!! Bobbie, hope you get better faster than me!
Rossella, Mom is about the same as yours. Can no longer recognize people most of the time. Is wheelchair bound because of PD, which is a good thing. Too many falls before! So much grossness that I couldn't even begin to relate it all to you.
She is almost totally incontinent both ways. Cannot feed herself most of the time. Doesn't communicate well for lack of pulling the right words out of her brain. Is not processing simple commands most of the time. And the OCD!!!!!!The habits will drive me to my grave first!!!
Constant hand movement: rubbing her hands, her legs, her pants, scratching her head, rubbing the table with- the food she is not eating, her dirty tissues, her spit.....
Constantly scrapping and banging her plate with the utensils, putting her food into her drink glass, throwing her plate on the floor, pulling the cover off the couch, moving the furniture around and on and on and on.....
At night she won't take her dentures out before bed, and clamps her mouth shut tight so I can't take them out. Then I find them on the floor in the morning! Holds her mouth shut tight so she doesn't have to eat or take her pills, but opens it for junk food no problem!
Now she does this new thing. Clamps her mouth shut tight until she can't get her breath, then lets it out as she is turning blue!!! I have to pinch her nose shut to get her to open her mouth!!! The good news is that when you pass out, you automatically start to breath. The bad news is that I fear the lack of oxygen will kill the few brain cells she has left!!!
None of her children came for Thanksgiving dinner, but 3 of them stopped by for a few minutes on their way home. Just long enough to "F" her up royally for 3 days!
Rossella, I can surely understand where you are at with your mom! The sad thing is, this woman who I am caring for is no longer my "Mom". That makes it even harder for those of us who are at this point, to deal with our situations.
Sorry I haven't been posting much lately, but I do read everyone that goes through when I have time. I hope when I feel better physically, that my emotional state will return to it's former "kick ass" self. I hate being down in the dumps!
Everyone have a good evening!! Kathy
lovbob
I see a common trait in our 'new' voices.
they are really new to the site. When I look at the profile I don't see any other activity and I don't see for whom they are caring.
I had a real sarcastic mean one in my hugs section a few days ago but got her straightened out. To sick to wrestle with this one and the one yesterday. someone else is welcome to step up!
love you guys.
Where's Ted? Crowe? Kuli? GP?
hope everybody is doing as well as they can considering the circumstances.
lovbob
buy another toothbrush and give her the one she been using yuk . now thats gross , id buy mom a new one too . uhhhh . give her the old one , lmao..
hubby s not feeling good , his face is beet red , dizzy a little he says , i hope its not his heart . he said my arm feels fine , so hope its just a touch of flu .
xoxoxo
Not another one!
god bless you and hug the bear for me plz .
xoxox
love,
miz
Here, the ramp guy is trying to get the railings up before the, well between the snow storms......Man I have had enough already. If we get another five footer snow fall this year I think I WILL steal my grandfathers cash and just get a flight out of state. But will she return.....? I might not!
He is dumping out his urinals, fine with me, you wanna be useful you dump your piss, it isn't like you can't USE the bathroom...Went for Dilantin check re check double check check...what ever. Results later in week...Whatever.
Tired, cold worn out have a really bad sinus headache now...and the construction noise begins...
I hope and pray Miz is doing OK where ever she is and her mom is passing peacefully...
ahh gotta get off this thing and go do some slavery work ! dishes , laundry piled up needed to put them away , sweep floor do more laundry . anybody wanna come over and help me ? lol
love you all , xoxoxox
I am so glad to see again the xoxoxo at the end of your posts. You missed it a couple of times!
Bobbie it's good you have so many good memories of your mother, even of the period she was sick. I hope it will be the same for me!
when i came home from school she grinn so big and said she kept laughin all day long . that was not no peek a boo . lol .
heard from my sis , she said her son can move his feet and arms , so thats a good sign , he may not be parlazie , thank u jesus ! xoxo
mom also used to sneak up on me when I was writing and scare the bejesus out of me. She loved it.
I used to jump out at her when i was a kid and I told her I knew she was getting me back. she would laugh.
peekaboo beats the tar out of a mean ol bee yatch.
lovbob
When they call me and they ask me about my mother, and say that they are sorry for me and for her, I don't believe them anymore. Talk, talk, talk, talk. Talking is easy
Glad you are there with support and understanding. I gave you each a star!