Follow
Share
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
thanks Maxine and ssk.
ssk, you vent on and don't apologize. this is what keeps us going. vent and live!

Jam, sorry you have the ugliness of the disease to deal with. sux. very stressful. Get a rescue kitty.
Like I think I mentioned earlier, I went to an adoption event, put my hand in all of the cat cages and when I put my hand in Kitty's cage, she put her hand on top of mine. She picked me.
There's a nice cat waiting for you too Jam.

rossella: well stated. and of course you are right.

linda: you are an angel and I truly understand what you feel. love to Pa from all of us.

Miz is up and holding her bear and is there with her mom. her mom is sleeping and just coughing a little now and then.

going to try and work again today. Still not right.

lovbob
(1)
Report

Bobbie, sorry you are still feeling lousy. I can relate to the Hoarder feeling. I try to keep the kitchen and living room clean, but pile all the other stuff in my room. At night I have to put the stuff on my bed out on the chair in the living room and then pile it back on the bed in the morning. crazy
Also, I keep hearing about cats and now want to get one. I have had dogs, but think it would be hard to have one now.
(0)
Report

Bobbi take care you are a blessing to all of us-hope you feel better soon.
(0)
Report

Yesterday the nurse came over to see my Mom. It was her first visit. She said to my Mom at one point,"you have a good daughter, she's really doing a good job, etc" and my Mom got a strange look on her face and didn't say anything. I think the look was because my Mom doens't know that I am her daughter and she is my Mother. It confused her. Sometimes well meaning people say stupid things to the alz pt. Another thing that people say which gets on my nerves is, to a burnt out caregiver, "take care of yourself",,I'd like to say, If you come here and sit with my Mom all day, I'll go out and "take care of myself"
Sorry, I just had to vent a little this morning.
(4)
Report

Diane, next time your SIL criticizes your way of behaving with your mother, big smile and tell her: "You are right, you would certainly treat her better, so I am going to pack a suitcase and she is going to stay one month at your house". I can assure you that your SIL will treat you like a queen from that moment on.
Jen, you are really very strong in dealing with a situation that is very hard from you. If I were you I would start to think of the "after" that is make some plans for the future. You are young. It could be fun and it could help you face the present!
Linda I am very sorry to hear you are so sad. Your father feels all the love that you feel for him, Even if you are so good and sweet to him, he has his point of view on his life and he is very frustrated. I see the frustration in my mother's eyes many times a day when she realizes she cannot do things by herself, that she has to be helped even if she wants to carry a glass to the kitchen. I think that when a person dies, he does not die because he is fed up of living. He dies for completely different reasons. You can't make a person live forever just telling him that he is not a trouble for you! It would be too easy! So, try to be happy thinking that you are a wonderful daughter (much better than me, that's for sure) and your dad, when his moment arrives, a moment which "he" won't decide, will leave this world in the best possible way!
Jam, you too, try not to worry too much. If she wants to be unhappy, it's up to her. You are doing your best, you are caring for her dog, too! When my mother is very negative and for example I take the car and I take her to see beautiful places and she does not react at all, she complains all the time, I close my ears and try to enjoy the drive myself. I try to "save the day", anyway!
A BIG kiss to all of you!
(3)
Report

why can't one night just end on a peaceful note? i'm trying to figure out how to get some type of thought process through to MIL. Don't feed your food to your dog....nope doesn't work. Are you wet or dry....I don't know. What did you have for dinner.....I don't know. Hubby and I took friends out to dinner for the other hubby's birthday and told mil we would bring her back a nice dinner.....ravioli, salad, bread, etc. It was like the monster got loose....omg, nasty attitude, nasty mouth, unappreciative about anything. I feel like crap now and go to put her in bed 30 min later, zyprexa kicked in.....couldn't ask for a sweeter little old lady.....................AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! Thank you for listening.
Miz, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Everyone else, I also appreciate you much and your comments to those who just don't get it.
(2)
Report

aww , touch my heart . thanks for letting us know what miz s up to and so glad to hear shes holdin her bear . feeling the warmth comfert from all of us .
got pa up and took him to bathroom , got him all cleaned up and refreshed up . tucked him to bed and he says im hungry so made him his fav bfast , sasuage gravy with chop up bread and scramble eggs we got from the neighbors farm , his face lit up and said i m his sweetheart and thanked me so many times for fixing it for him .
i sat on his bed and told him what he said this morning realy hurt me . he said i just want to go nursing home cuz its too much work for u guys to take care of me . i told him i cant put u in the nursing home i would feel like i abandon u . i feel he s safer here with us . i told him it doesnt matter if its hard work or too much work , going to walmart was too much work pa , splitting wood cutting wood is hard on us , doesnt matter what we do everything we do is hard work , hubby goes to work everyday and that is hard work and too much work so pa it doesnt matter if taking care of u be hard work or not . told him i enjoy taking care of him . so made him his fav bfast , :-)
he dont feel good , poor guy , u can hear it in his voice ,
its killin me and i keep thinkin about miz s mom and i am not looking fwrd to that day when the lord calls for pa .
i know its coming may not be soon but it s coming . i can feel it and i see it in dad s eyes .
oh lump in my throat , hurts , :-(
(1)
Report

Rip: great call on the Teddy Bear.
lovbob
(2)
Report

Miz:
i love my bear. please tell everyone for me. i'm holding him now.

I'm going to tell her that we all say nighty night.

lovbob
(1)
Report

Flex, I went through that crap with mom's 'friends'.
They were clueless, mean and most assuredly sh!! stirrers.
Step up or step out, bee-yatch.

so no go with the raisin Jen? i do have to say that I was surprised. She batted it for a moment and then after seeing me eat one and live......

no recent word from Miz. Let's all think positively that her sibs don't lose their minds and make it all harder than it already is.

Trying to clean the boat. Still sick and shivery and then hot.
I've been a real oinker this past week. boat looks like a scene out of Hoarders. Opening a can of soup and trying to get it in just about put me at my max.
I've been coughing so hard I sprained the doo dad that holds on to my ribs under my left boob.
Im a sprained boob.

Miz just texted. She's climbing in with her mom to get some sleep. I told her that it was a gift for both of them to be able to spend that soft time together.

ok, back to picking up my mess.

lovbob
(0)
Report

Hey l, She looked at me like I was a moron, the same look I get when she blames me for the weather...Yes, my fault personally there is two feet of snow out side in HER YARD!

Hmm guilt, fear, cowardice, too scared to get my own life, Mother provides room and board and I have no where to go. Maybe I am just stupid but mostly just a coward. I have a pathetic life really. I can hardly imagine anything else. I know it will end eventually...Then next whatever....I literally don't know anything else....

Dtflex:
Sh@# stirrer definitely. Or does she want to help? Help would be different but just saying stuff is something else. So many people on the outside see only the smiling, compliant helpless elderly person, not the angry, manipulative tyrant they can be for those in care-giving and close family settings. This dichotomy makes for serious resentment and crazy making. I have literally had people say my grandparents were the nicest couple the sweetest ole things...
"Yes, Thank You..." Smile and nod.
What do you know, you are not there, you can't help and you wouldn't believe me anyhow. I know the manipulative, stubborn, angry judgmental penury side as well and the kind and giving selves they were/are.

I'd say if it comes up again, ask sil if she sees something she would like to help you with and get an idea where this is coming from. Or going....
(1)
Report

yes i agree with bobbie , nicely put jen , youre a good girl . go out of ur way to help someone u dislike so much . i dont know how u did it but u did it . u do have a big heart .
did cleo eat a raisin ? i think my louie would play with it . watch out maybe they ll have the craps ! oh gosh lol .
ill be back on again after bit , pa sat in his chair all day refusing to get up , gotta go bathroom pa ? noooo , ah come on lets get u up to go anyway , noooooooooo he said , ate in the chair too , he wouldnt get up for my daughter while i was outside stackin wood . i told her yuk i bet he s wet ! ah come on pa lets get up , nooo , getting mad , ok pa fine sit there ,
lucky i have two paddings on that chair .
i think this morning it just hit him that he s too much of a burden so he s begin stuborn to sit in the recliner all day .
hes watching hee haw right now , ive got to force him to get up in about half hr when hee haw is over , wish me luck !
(1)
Report

Hi gang,

I am so sorry to hear about Miz and her mom. My prayers are with them during this time.

How would you respond to this? I was in my room laying down because I had a really bad headache. I awaken to hear my sister-in-law ask my mom "Do you have any say in things?" I was ready to blow a gasket. I feel my sil was just being a sh-t stirrer. What do you think?

The Amberjane comment had a similar response.

I helped my boyfriend rake leaves then put up the Christmas wreaths and two small spiral tree's. Thats all the decorating I plan to do since I'm too broke to afford more.

I hope everyone is doing well and I'll write more when I'm in a better mood. Reading the 36-hour day book.

Have a good night my dear friends.

Diane
(3)
Report

I am still on "cat ate a raisin". Lemme go get CLEO see if she will have at one...
(0)
Report

nicely put Jen.

lovbob
(1)
Report

Not snowed in yet, hoping Miz and her mom are surrounded by peace and love and the crossing is easy and pain free, for her mom anyhow I know Miz will be in pain for some time to come, My thoughts and prayers are with her. I hope They are at peace, both of them.

As for disgusting... well, don't be so sure your parents didn't think some of the baby and kid messes were not a bit...gross. And don't assume everyone's loved ones...were....We are all doing the best we can here, and try to be there for one another. That is good enough I think. We can maybe only help so much but I really do feel connected to Miz and where she is and hope my thoughts help in some small way while she is struggling and having to let go in a way we all will someday. Our families, our friends and ourselves one day. Why judge when we can love.
(3)
Report

Linda, I was thinking the same things you said, but you said them a lot better. I feel too, that sometimes life is unfair. People you love go away, and in the meantime they decline so much that is so painful to see them losing bit by bit what they were. And we can't do anything, just accept it. I didn't go cry on a top of a mountain, but I have been hugging and kissing and squeezing for the last hour my cat Nino who is the only one that you can hug and kiss a squeeze for an hour and he is happy. He is my living teddy bear! He seems to know when I need to have all this love.
(1)
Report

hello dear crew,

please don't worry about the bear $. The next time we need a bear, maybe someone else will send it and we'll just go round robin.
How's that sound?

Miz is holding up but exhausted. Her mom is sleeping and now Miz just texted me that she's going to try and close her eyes in the chair next to her mom;s bed.

Cat Story:
The Cat ate a raisin.

That's it. just never saw a cat eat a raisin.

lovbob
(1)
Report

thanks deefer i ll pile pillowes all over him on top and under him , wink , that may help , i thought may have to camp on the floor beside him now on . geeze , thanks for the idea about the pillows , will try that tnite , xoxo
wheres jsomebody at ? hope she didnt get snowed in ! hope all is well with her .
xoxo
(1)
Report

Bobbie, Just caught up on posts. Please let me know where to send my donation to the bear! Thanks for being there for Miz, for all of us.I will check more often for updates.
Linda, I used to find Mom on the floor all the time! Now I have put pillows on either side of her, under the mattress cover and sheets. It creates a scoop in the middle of the bed for her to lay in. She does not have the strength to get herself over these barriers. It has now become routine for her to not get out of bed on her own, and no more finding her on the floor! Give it a try. It may save him from more falls and allow you to sleep easier!
(2)
Report

:-( feedin her morphine meanin she s on her way out in matter of time . when mom cried its double drips cry again triple drips . she was in pain so bad , hate those damn cancers ! fk em ! pisses me off ,
bobbie u made me grin when ya said bite me amber , :-) it amazes me they dont see how many numbers its on there hell its almost 6 thousand ! and amazes me they dont take the time to read whats going on here . flop they just blah blah like they know it all , well duhhhhh we do too ! ah well .
i kept thinkin about dad all day while i was outside stackin wood , put me in nursing home im too much of a burden plz . keeps ringin in my ear , eyes sweelled up with tears , no dad i rather u fall on carpet than on hard floor , youre not a burden pa . i love my dad so much ...
saden me that knowin he will pass away one day , its killin me !

bobbie thank you so much for sending miz the bear and am so glad u guys talked on phone and cried together . bless your heart and hers too . my heart swells up so big that i could cry at the top of mountains and everybody down below could hear me . life just so unfair and its meant to be , a cycle of circle , world goes around and round and it doesn t stop either .
keep us update , love ya bunches xoxoxo
(3)
Report

capt......you nailed that one.....bless you much! If you haven't been there, then you really don't know just how disgusting it gets. This website has lots and lots of angels......but angels can only take so much sometimes................my MIL little dog had a blob of poop on the middle of his back yesterday......need I tell you where that came from....ack,ack,ack.
(1)
Report

I am glad she is comfortable my husband was on pain med after the life support meds were stoped and the nurses were so great in that ICU and all gave us hugs when it was over-it probably won't be long now hope the family gets there in time. Ihard can you call 911 to come pick him up you should not be doing it yourself or your husband there have equipment that makes it easy for them -I called them over 50 times and no one made me feel bad and this is New York so you should be able to do it-it is not your fault and your Pa probably forgets he can not do for himself and he seems like a good hearted man who does not want to bother you at night. Bobbie you are an angel keeping us up to date and being there for Miz I was lucky had my son and daughter and grand-daughter and my church family by phone those last few days.
(1)
Report

Oh... I got it wrong. MAY put her on a morhpine drip.
She's getting doses and her mom is acting distressed between doses.

lovbob
(0)
Report

from Miz:
mom is now on a morphine drip.

oh boy.

lovbob
(0)
Report

Not in the mood for the sanctimonious and unaware.

this just in from Miz:
I will cherish this sweet bear forever. I am overwhelmed by all the love and support from all of you.

lovbob
(3)
Report

oh bite me Amber Jane
(8)
Report

That is so sad. You know she doesn't mean to use the wrong item. At least she is trying to still comb her hair. I can only pray that when/if I ever get in that postion later in life, I am with someone that has compassion and doesn't find me disgusting. The thing to remember is - There but for the grace of God, go I. Remember, they took care of you when you were unable to care for yourself and hopefully didn't find you disgusting, but just loved you.
(1)
Report

Bear recieved.
miz just called and we cried together.
She said to thank everyone on the thread from the bottom of her heart.
she said that it means so much to her.
I told her that we wanted her to have something to hug that would hug her back and that represented all of us.
Miz's mom is sleeping and when she wakes Miz strokes her forehead and she drifts off again.
Miz is being so strong.

Thank you all for being such an amazing group of women.
I am proud to know you all.

lovbob
(3)
Report

Thanks, Captain!
(0)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter