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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mom has a DNR. Her doctor said it was a good idea. I think so too. It's my understanding that what all goes on in trying to resuscitate an elderly person (CPR) can break bones and if they do bring them back they can be very bad off. It's not something that is clear cut for me in my opinion. But, I'm pretty darn sure I would want a DNR if I was very old, etc.
Yes, Jam, I agree, when you arrive to "that" point, it is much better to die. This is my personal opinion, but I think that often the doctors make that decision themselves, (that is, they stop the treatment) and when everything is over, they tell the relatives "There was nothing to do". And they are right. This is just my personal idea. Maybe I have seen too many episodes of ER. My mother does not suffer, so it's okay like this, I shall continue to take care of her, we'll go on until eternity, if this will be the case. If she had terrible pains, I think I would sign a DNR... I repeat for the 1000th time, I don't know if it is right; it is just my opinion.
The change in seasons is noticeable here mood wise also I notice. my mom leaves for work in the dark for half the year, and soon will be coming home in it as well...
Up, ramp guy out has a helper today so major frame out being done. Grandpa made a stink bomb mess in the bathroom...worse when he tries to clean it...That will end up all over everything he touches... It is a wonder we don't have E-coli all the time..Well a wonder and me using Clorox Wipes on everything he touches... He drops pills and if you don't see them he will leave them and pretend he already took it...He doesn't want to take them anyway and to admit he dropped something is just too much for him....What the hell ever! vacuumed, clean up his mess, fed him, etc etc etc...I am gonna go lay down, if I fall asleep I don't care...
Thank you everyone for the support. I can't honestly remember the time before i found this site. I really don't. I know when ever I mentioned my day to day to others (non-caregivers) I got a defensive or blank response. I know others lives are hard enough, but if you don't DO this you really have no clue...and you should be grateful, in this case..Ignorance IS bliss...
Rosella the pillow therapy is my own version that I run through my mind when the MIL is driving me insane.....:). it's something that most of us in the world of ems wish was legal sometimes......how many times over the years I have transported someone's family member to the hospital for treatment and these people are contractured, can't speak, mind is gone, can't move on their own, have feeding tubes, can't breathe without supplemental oxygen....and if they die the family wants "everything done"!!!!!!!! Why, so they can continue to be a turnip when you do your weekly visit?????? That is only if we are successful in resuscitation, which is rare. Hence the pillow to put these poor little humans out of their misery.........and those of us at home who are driven to the point of insanity........i wish you all peaceful days and nights even though it's hard to care for our family members
Find the International Living website.......it gives me the opportunity to "travel" and dream......and imagine days with no old crone repeating daily...."let's go shoppy-shoppy" or "let me treat you to dinner tonight".....or smelling to high-heaven......:)
Hang in there guys al least you all are doing important work and not getting any thanks for it now but the day you meet your maker he will say good and grateful servant-come right in he sees and knows all you do.
mizunderstood I certainly agree with you. With all we have to do to keep the other one going, figuring meals, the laundry, trying to keep the house presentable, keeping doctor apts straight, etc there's no time left to be a financial advisor, too.You guys help more than you know people like me who read all your comments.
Thanks but my voice of reason is on mute right now with all of these tapes going off in my head from the years of my life that I had not had much memory about before. This too shall pass, but I'll be glad when this marathon of movies in my head is over. I've been spending a lot of time and I mean a lot of time in my "Man Cave."
Good Morning Everyone. I think I'm better today. So far. I'm thinking one reason we're all down is it's Fall and Winter is coming and it's getting dark earlier, at least that's the case here where I live. It sure doesn't help.
I have so many worries. Some that I have not shared on here. Constant anxiety and stress. When all is said and done I will just want to lay on the beach somewhere and do nothing...let someone wait on me. Bring me drinks, etc. But, that will most probably not happen because we are in too much debt. I will be working and working and working. If I get sued I don't know what we will do. Sorry, getting depressing again. Love yas. Back later.
I hope you overworked and underappreciated caregivers have a better day and that God gives you all an extra measure of strength today and your burdens are lighter you all deserve it and where is our captain Bobbie we all need you girlfriend so many of us are suffering Crowe we need your voise of reason God bless.
On top of everything else, now I'm reading all of these horror stories about absentee siblings who don't help at all and don't offer any financial assistance or advice or even call our mom, but they wait in the wings until after the fact and then give the caregiver all kinds of legal hell about how they handled the whole thing. Knowing what my sister is capable of, (she kept my third of my father's estate and when I asked about it, she verbally abused me, accused me of all kinds of lies, and told me that I would have to sue her to get it) I think that I HAVE to go see a lawyer NOW to start protecting myself before things get any worse. And how am I supposed to pay for that? I'm beginning to think that the Administration on Aging and all the other organizations should STOP encouraging people to do this, STOP pretending that they are there for our support until they get serious about some real and solid legal advocacy for the realities of family Caregiving and work on letting people know about the dangers that a family caregiver might face!
Well, Italy is subject to earthquakes, too. That's why I am afraid of them. I guess that as time goes, one becomes more and more afraid of everything! Miz, I don't really know what to say. Have you tried with yoga or something similar? Stretching? I remember they both worked miracles for me. I should definitely start again. All the tensions go away. You have to do it constantly, though! Jen, okay. If you take him there with a cab, he will understand that he has no escape! Seriously, you need those free hours every week! I think we are having a particularly difficult period because the weather is changing! It'll be better in a while. And because of the economic crisis - that, won't be better in a while. Many of my friends and relatives, "who are not caregivers", are having difficult times. They have their problems, too! They don't always go horse riding in a field full of flowers, the wind in their hair and the smile on their face.
I'm concerned about all of my 'thread family' & wish that there was something that I could do to make things better for everybody! I hate seeing everybody so down. Please know that you're all in my thoughts & prayers & I hope that things will get better for everybody soon!
Every place on the planet is subject to earthquakes in reality. just places they are more common along major fault lines. I would be more worried about the violent crime wave there just now. Those poor people.
Mom thought of that too...The bathroom ruse...I won't fuss, I wont holler...I will just call a cab and go up and DROP HIM OFF!!!!!
Is there anyone else who can help? Well, not really. They say they want to then say they have too much on their own plates....Fine what ever...I will not wait for help that I know is not forth coming. I am in Hell and will be till he is dead or gone.
Thank you all for support and listening to me grouse.
Hi Everyone. I'm so tired. And so tired of dealing with stupid and rude people and stupid systems and problems again and again. I'm just tired. I see no break in sight. Rossella, I was raised on shame and guilt, but I know my parents loved me very much. I haven't been able to find anything about feeling constantly guilty. It really sucks. It's like an obsession. That with the depression and anxiety are just too much. I'm surprised my blood pressure isn't sky high or that I have not had a stroke or heart attack. I just keep on keeping on. K, I'm going to bed. J, I hope you get some respite soon. I worry about you very much.
Oh my! Sounds like everyone is having a rough day. I know the feeling all too well and can sympathize. Constantly being broke, tired and guilty. I wish I had a magic wand to make everyone feel better. My trial today is yet another headache. I wish you all some peace today.
Italy that star thing is funny.My daughter beats me to the stars now.She'll hear me dinging away on the computer and yell-sorry mom already starred that comment!
I Have to deal with Hurricanes every few years around here. I guess I could deal with earthquakes. But seriously, I don't think mom would survive the trip.
Actually Rossella, you might be on to something. I hear that American expatriates can live very nicely on thier retirement income in MEXICO. maybe I should just move mom there!
Oh! I have discovered now that I can give stars! I am sorry I have never given any to anyone. I did not understand where they came from. All of you'll be flooded by my stars from now on!
Miz: where does that sense of guilt come from? My personal sense of guilt comes from my mother who used it since I was little in order to control me. I think it's about time we shake it down! Please, try to throw away that software and use a new one! You have no reason to feel guilty, believe me. Castoff: I am in the shit up to the throat (excuse me for this soft and chic expression) because even if I open another current account for my mother, which I have already done, I am certainly going to lose December's pension (you need at least one month to have the money transferred to another bank). The problem is that December's pension is double (they pay us double salary, double pensions in December). This means that the pension will arrive in the "frozen bank" and I will not be able to use it - and I should pay double salaries in December! I wanted to pay my debts and fix everything, and of course I won't be able to do it. My brother and sister in law will help me (alleluiah) but, of course, I can't ask them too much money, just to survive. I don't know how and when I will have access again to that money, which is a lot of money for me, it depends on the mess my mother has made (I still don't know what. Probably she has lost her ATM card and it has been stolen by a member of Mafia who is using it to pay his hired killers. (I am trying to joke). BTW I like so much the idea of video editing. I should sit in front of the PC without eating, drinking and sleeping if I had to do such a thing. I'm getting a workholic! Jen, I don't want to put more stress on you (than you already have) but I am afraid that your grandfather will use the ruse ot the last-minute-bathroom to avoid the day centre, all the time. I think you should be very tough, bring him to the van, and tell him: "It does not matter, you are going to poop at the centre". It is a fight of brains we are talking about! Brother Ted, I understand you so well in everything you say. I supported myself and my family of dogs and cats when I was alone, and "we" always managed to make ends meet. Since I live with my mother, the money is never enough. I agree with Tenn, defend yourself because often the siblings are not very tender. My brother is behaving well, now, but I know that when the problem we have now will be solved, and everything will go back to normal, I shall have to take the dagger again and put it between my teeth. Patti 4: the history of your mother is very funny. My mother does not like to wash, but if the colour of the sweater does not fit with the colour of the pants, she protests! Jam, which is the story of the pillow therapy? One flew over the cuckoo's nest? My brother did it with me all the time when we were teen-agers. He said "I bring you with me"
I guess I've been lucky so far with MIL, but last week I came across my cat brushing his teeth with my brush (well, okay - he was just chewiing on - but just as gross).
My dad took his mother-in-law into his home-wouldn't had it any other way,of course he liked her which makes a hugh difference.Around here the NH is a dirty word.
You can't put a price on family loyality Ted,a sense of pride and doing the right thing is not always a easy task. IT is ashamed the needs of family caregivers aren't addressed more in the media. Some people have a stronger sense of honor towards their family. I put in 10 years of what I consider hard labor,and I don't regret being there for my dad. The ambush by the brothers-I feel bad about.It would be in your best interest to make sure legally you are alright by a so-called expert.If your siblings are hostile towards you now,it would be wise to be working on your support team.One of my dads problems was he did not have a regular doctor,according to the lawyer ,the patients doctor can be a strong defense.My brothers made plans and sat back and waited and the sad part is the lawyers are getting what my dad built-thats the part that makes me very angry.Hopefully your sibs aren't as jealous and revengeful-I knew we had issues but not so extreme.I was too busy to notice those nasty little non helpful people.
Everyone sounds down today I hope you did not catch it from me. My sil's mom want her husband to go into a NH but wants to live with one of her daughters I said oh God DO NOT DO THAT she is difficult enough to deal with it would be much worse if she moved in with either one of them-I told her most children are so sorry that they did take the parents in their home. My brother was smart enough to say no way.
J, is there anyone at all who can give you a break? It sounds like you have your hands full and it will start to affect your physical and mental well-being if you don't distance yourself....at least for a little bit. I tried speaking with my mom-in-law again this morning about hygiene and how we are going to rework her tub to allow her to use it as a shower. The attitude starts...and she tells me how clean she is....and I say does that include the shirt you've had on now for 3 days and all the food stuck to it? She wets her finger, swipes at a spot, and then gives me her shit-eatin' grin.....grrrrrrrrrrrrr. There are days when I think pillow therapy should be legalized...:)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
love,
miz
My mother does not suffer, so it's okay like this, I shall continue to take care of her, we'll go on until eternity, if this will be the case.
If she had terrible pains, I think I would sign a DNR...
I repeat for the 1000th time, I don't know if it is right; it is just my opinion.
Up, ramp guy out has a helper today so major frame out being done.
Grandpa made a stink bomb mess in the bathroom...worse when he tries to clean it...That will end up all over everything he touches... It is a wonder we don't have E-coli all the time..Well a wonder and me using Clorox Wipes on everything he touches...
He drops pills and if you don't see them he will leave them and pretend he already took it...He doesn't want to take them anyway and to admit he dropped something is just too much for him....What the hell ever!
vacuumed, clean up his mess, fed him, etc etc etc...I am gonna go lay down, if I fall asleep I don't care...
Thank you everyone for the support. I can't honestly remember the time before i found this site. I really don't. I know when ever I mentioned my day to day to others (non-caregivers) I got a defensive or blank response. I know others lives are hard enough, but if you don't DO this you really have no clue...and you should be grateful, in this case..Ignorance IS bliss...
Thanks but my voice of reason is on mute right now with all of these tapes going off in my head from the years of my life that I had not had much memory about before. This too shall pass, but I'll be glad when this marathon of movies in my head is over. I've been spending a lot of time and I mean a lot of time in my "Man Cave."
I have so many worries. Some that I have not shared on here. Constant anxiety and stress. When all is said and done I will just want to lay on the beach somewhere and do nothing...let someone wait on me. Bring me drinks, etc. But, that will most probably not happen because we are in too much debt. I will be working and working and working. If I get sued I don't know what we will do. Sorry, getting depressing again. Love yas. Back later.
love,
miz
And how am I supposed to pay for that?
I'm beginning to think that the Administration on Aging and all the other organizations should STOP encouraging people to do this, STOP pretending that they are there for our support until they get serious about some real and solid legal advocacy for the realities of family Caregiving and work on letting people know about the dangers that a family caregiver might face!
Miz, I don't really know what to say. Have you tried with yoga or something similar? Stretching? I remember they both worked miracles for me. I should definitely start again. All the tensions go away. You have to do it constantly, though!
Jen, okay. If you take him there with a cab, he will understand that he has no escape! Seriously, you need those free hours every week!
I think we are having a particularly difficult period because the weather is changing! It'll be better in a while. And because of the economic crisis - that, won't be better in a while.
Many of my friends and relatives, "who are not caregivers", are having difficult times. They have their problems, too! They don't always go horse riding in a field full of flowers, the wind in their hair and the smile on their face.
Love & hugs to each of you,
Peaches
Mom thought of that too...The bathroom ruse...I won't fuss, I wont holler...I will just call a cab and go up and DROP HIM OFF!!!!!
Is there anyone else who can help? Well, not really. They say they want to then say they have too much on their own plates....Fine what ever...I will not wait for help that I know is not forth coming. I am in Hell and will be till he is dead or gone.
Thank you all for support and listening to me grouse.
love,
miz
Hugs to my hard working caregivers,
Diane
All of you'll be flooded by my stars from now on!
Castoff: I am in the shit up to the throat (excuse me for this soft and chic expression) because even if I open another current account for my mother, which I have already done, I am certainly going to lose December's pension (you need at least one month to have the money transferred to another bank). The problem is that December's pension is double (they pay us double salary, double pensions in December). This means that the pension will arrive in the "frozen bank" and I will not be able to use it - and I should pay double salaries in December! I wanted to pay my debts and fix everything, and of course I won't be able to do it. My brother and sister in law will help me (alleluiah) but, of course, I can't ask them too much money, just to survive. I don't know how and when I will have access again to that money, which is a lot of money for me, it depends on the mess my mother has made (I still don't know what. Probably she has lost her ATM card and it has been stolen by a member of Mafia who is using it to pay his hired killers. (I am trying to joke).
BTW I like so much the idea of video editing. I should sit in front of the PC without eating, drinking and sleeping if I had to do such a thing. I'm getting a workholic!
Jen, I don't want to put more stress on you (than you already have) but I am afraid that your grandfather will use the ruse ot the last-minute-bathroom to avoid the day centre, all the time. I think you should be very tough, bring him to the van, and tell him: "It does not matter, you are going to poop at the centre". It is a fight of brains we are talking about!
Brother Ted, I understand you so well in everything you say. I supported myself and my family of dogs and cats when I was alone, and "we" always managed to make ends meet. Since I live with my mother, the money is never enough. I agree with Tenn, defend yourself because often the siblings are not very tender. My brother is behaving well, now, but I know that when the problem we have now will be solved, and everything will go back to normal, I shall have to take the dagger again and put it between my teeth.
Patti 4: the history of your mother is very funny. My mother does not like to wash, but if the colour of the sweater does not fit with the colour of the pants, she protests!
Jam, which is the story of the pillow therapy? One flew over the cuckoo's nest? My brother did it with me all the time when we were teen-agers. He said "I bring you with me"
Deef? Rip, Rosella, hope things are better for everyone else...