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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Tenn, I didn't mean to sound like it was your fault that i'm freakin'-sorry about that. It's just that I'm beginning to see how right you are, and how risky this could all be for me considering the type of people my siblings are. This whole situation just seemed to have evolved on it's own and there was never really a point where I said, "Okay, I am Now Her Caregiver" but I am, and I have never taken the time to consider the dangers I put myself in. I'm grateful for your input on your experiences because it's time now that I sit down with some authority or another and stop letting it just happen. As I've said before, half the time I'm not even sure if I should be doing this at all. It seems like an impossible task to expect myself to be able to handle this successfully when I feel so isolated, as though it's just me trying to protect myself and mom from the entire world including our family. There is no gratitude or reward for what I'm doing, other than my own sense of right and wrong, and it's really hard for me to be in any way motivated when I feel like i'm not even living my own life anymore. There really should be some kind of legal aid society for caregivers who just CAN'T add these kinds of worries into our lives.
Bobbie,hows the kitty,hows the weather,hows your new neighbors? Did dude at other marina get fired for messing with you.? Yard is lonely without NOLA,daughter wants a new puppy for Xmas. I'm thinking English shepard, Austrian Shepard or stray.Iknow Thanksgiving will be lonely with your mom gone,have you made any plans?
I don't mean to freak you out Ted,just want people to be aware that being a do-gooder doesn't make one immune from the abuse of a unforgiving system.If I had known then what I know now it would have been a different outcome.My brothers are pariticularly special because they have power and influence-titles alone seem to speak for themselves.My brother who never came down-didn't go to funeral-no one around here knew I had brothers was the one who came out the best financially.A family caregiver has less legal rights than hired help.Judges in Tenn. don't seem to care anyhow.While I was cleaning up poop,they were getting advice from lawyers,I was too busy,too tired,too upset and drained to walk around recording my life.Brothers had plenty of time to conspire,they weren't caregivers.Caregivers have plenty of problems of their own to be addressed and should.The legal system should make it easier on family caregivers.
Just great here now........I had him all ready to go....he spent 25 minutes watching the ramp guy and commenting on his progress...then at 10 to 9 he decided to use the crapper...sure enough three minutes in the Paratransit Van pulls up....I open door set chair out, let him know the vans here....this is so not gonna happen...she comes and tells me they can only wait five minutes...I know..I have read the damn brouchure... they can come anytime with in 45 minutes of scheduled pick up but you have five minutes and then........she came back they told her she had to drive away. she was sorry, I was sorry...he didn't have a clue. or care, he hates going now he doesn't have to...I feel like crying. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE I CAN'T GET OUT I CAN'T JUST LEAVE!!! Now he is in cackling at the paper....God i am so sick of all this. I have had enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Something cute. I came home yesterday from work and Mom came out to the kitchen to greet me. I said, "Mom, you have on my sweat pants!" We each have a pair of soft, comfy pea green sweats. Hers are a size 14 and mine are a few sizes bigger! She says, "I thought I had lost a lot of weight!" Then she pulls up her shirt to show me she had them pinned to her bra to keep them up! We had a good laugh!
And now Tennesee just freaked me out on another thread "Dead Beat Siblings" about whether my brother and sister, who GIVE NO HELP AT ALL and have ripped off my dad's estate, are going to give me legal trouble over my handling of mom's stuff. Sometimes I really don't know if I should be doing this at all. It seems I've taken on an awful lot of risk just by doing what I THOUGHT was the right thing for mom.
Miz, As is the consensus here......none are perfect! There are scriptures regarding worry: Luke 10:40-42, Mark 4:37-41, Proverbs 3:5-6 and most of the Psalms. Hope you get your deliverance......believe it!
Wow, Miz, You have taken the words out of my fingers. Must be something in the air becuase I am also feeling like a loser today, For me it's always being short of money. It's like i just can't fiquire it out. and then I start to think that there must be something completely inept about me becuase I can't fiquire it out. When I was on my own, before mom's strokes, I was fine, even successful at a few things, and never really gave it much thought, it didn't really matter. if i needed more money for whatever reason, I went out and made it. But lately, I guess with all the restrictions on my time and my mindset and everything else, I always seem to be just a little short and that starts this whole downward spiral. worry, worry, worry, and on and on....
Ramp guy here for next days work. Frost on the grass. FP to go to Adult day Health. He doesn't want to..but unless he pulls a fast one he IS going. I am worn out. He really has no clue how much stress his being here causes EVERYONE! I am so tired...
Rosella, Sorry about the financial mix up. Maybe open a new account & arrange for the pension to be sent there? Also sorry you have to translate the super thin & shallow. I can imagine it is very easy to translate though....no intellectual giants there! lol.
My pet is perfect also. A perfect pain in the a$$, but perfect none the less. Sorry, he is a perfectly sweet boy half the time. His mood swings are worse than mine & more frequent too. BPD kitty!!!! I get the middle claw instead of the middle finger. lol. Good thing he can't speak english.....chances are I'd be out of a job as servant to his lordship.
Got new video editing software & working hard on the Nat. Park footage we got in 2009. Hub says I have OVD ( obsessive video disorder) because I lost an entire day yesterday "perfecting" some footage. Must get outside & get some sun & air today.
Mom is doing well so far this month. Foot doc is trying something new on her diabetic ulcers.....hope it works. The work he's done so far has made a huge difference.
Good Morning Wonderful Caregivers. I'm feeling down and tired today. I feel like I'm always doing the wrong thing and letting other people and myself down. I live with tremendous guilt. No one has ever told me how to get rid of it. Not a shrink or a therapist. I know God forgives me. I can feel guilty over the least little thing. Worry worry worry. Sucks. Wish I could go back to bed and hide. Can't. Gotta go to the doc at 1:00 and then work after that and of course there is Mom to take care of before that. I just feel like I am "getting through" each year, month, week, day, hour, minute, second. Sorry to be so negative but it's how I feel.
Actually, it's not very stimulating, but it's easy to translate! We copy your series, so we have a "make me a supermodel - Italy", a "Nanny 911 - italy" and so on and so on. So, in USA you see just your version, here, we see your version and our version - double pain! I want to give an advice to those of you who have their parents in the first stages of dementia: all the checkbooks, the ATM cards, which your parents still use: make them disappear!!!! Steal them! We are fighting with a mess that my mother made several years ago. Her current account in the bank has been frozen a few days ago because (we think, we guess) she lost her checkbook or ATM card in Naples years ago, and it was found probably by the wrong people who have used it in the worst possible way. We don't know anything for sure yet, as the current account has been frozen from Naples, One of my cousins who lives in Naples will go and check tomorrow. But if my mother's current account is frozen, it means we are in a hell of a mess because we can't take her retirement pension. (I shall have to become a bank robber, or grow weeds in my garden).. Really, I know it is painful for them that they lose their independence (I remember the rebellions of my uncle when his children had to take the car away from him - he loved to drive, but he was another Alzheimer and he was starting to become dangerous) - but I am afraid we cannot do any different! My goodness that little woman (mother) is a constant source of dysasters
These people who are too skinny are setting themselves up for very poor bone health plus other possible health issues. Wasn't the Baroque era of art which was more realistically normal.
Hey Rossella! Any gross stuff for us today? All those super model shows just make me crazy! Most of the people are too skinny and are not very attractive without all the makeup tricks that are used on them! They send terrible messages to our children. Screw the 'Red Hat Society"! We'll be the "Middle Finger Fraternity"! It's amazing how one single small gesture can make one feel soooo good! This is something I'm sure every one of us is guilty of !!! Hmmmm! One more thing we all have in common!
Hi, Middle Finger Fraternity. Where's everybody, today? Are you on strike? I am translating "Make me a supermodel" for E-Entertainment, so you understand that I need some break... Someone's there?
Yes, get a lot of middle finger exercises in here daily...walk behind him flip him off..and referring to him as fart Pants in present company is my little contempt maneuver that makes me feel better and he has no awareness of. If he knows I despise him and wish he would die...so be it....Fine. Hope it is soon....Whatever stupid ideas my mother had of the "all the family under one roof isn't that sweet' Bullshit went out the window long ago....unlike his stench which will need to be removed with refinishing and throwing out of furniture.....
The love of a Lab is perfect and I can see why they are sometimes used as therapy dogs. I've had other dogs before, but none have been as loving, attentive, as intelligent, as fun as this one.
" Self care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I was put on earth to offer to others. Any time we can listen to our true self, and give it the care it requires, we do not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch."
I hope that we may all learn to take time for ourselves and come through these trying times with some level of patience and kindness towards ourselves. My greatest wish is that we will all be stronger and better human beings because of it. And most of all, I hope we all have the energy and the will to get on with our own lives when all this is over! I'm not sure I would have gotten this far without all of you! Thank you so much!!! Kathy
I believe perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I think the only perfection I've ever experienced is the love of several special animals in my life.
Good morning everyone! Sorry I've been missing in action lately. Got Mom's cold2 weeks ago and lack of sleep finally made it worse. My asthma was acting up and I spent the last few days trying to catch up on rest. Feeling a little better today. Wow! Snow on the ground this morning! Windy, rainy and very cold. Just caught up on all that I have missed. Kuli, Lack of sleep is a killer! Glad you got to catch up a little! Jam, Nice to meet you. Your MIL sounds like she has dementia and can no longer take care of her needs without help. get into a routine and she'll adjust to it. Miz, I'm with you on the no energy thing! Wish I could sleep for 2 days straight! Sponge baths are good. Elderly's skin is too sensitive to be in the tub or shower everyday. If you have an aide come in, have her show you how she does the sponge bath. They have many helpful tips. Rossella, Know about the screaming meamies! Have had many episodes lately! Feel like I'm going to snap a lot lately. Letting it out helps some. Mom keeps taking her pull-ups off right after I put her in bed! Found her soaking wet and poop in the bed yesterday! Yuck!!! Bobbie, You are so right! They cannot think for themselves anymore and do get used to routines that we establish with them to get the basics taken care of. Ted, I've used that middle finger so much, I'm surprised it hasn't fallen off yet!!! Sometimes my language as I am walking away, even offends me!!!LOL Got to let off that steam!!! And yes, I now have 4 cats roaming around in my house! Love them to death! They are a great comfort during these crazy times! I have a quote that I would like you all to read and make note of to read often. I will post it separate!
Austin got it right......we question ourselves. Why did I, do I, will I? Trying to make some sense of that which makes no sense. Rational & logical I have come to believe is a pipe dream. My whole life I had striven to anylize and compartmentalize myself & others. I have learned that there are things I DON"T need to know. I won't always accept things "as they are" & will occassionally fly into a rage over the state of things but as was also said.....we are human. The best I can hope for is that my "record doesn't get stuck" and I am able to work thru & move on when life throws me a twist. "Sufficient is the evil of today". Each moment is an opportunity to grow & overcome. Hard work & very few of us will have arrived at perfection before it all ends. Not giving up counts for sooooooo much. GOD's tender mercies to you all.
195 Austin - I really need that little extra today. He is on such a rampage because my car won't be ready til noon. Such anger so unlike his usual temperment. This radical change is so hard to deal with.
We are having our firsr snow/sleet not much hope God gives all of you an extra measure of strength today to do the hard job you have been called to do.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
This whole situation just seemed to have evolved on it's own and there was never really a point where I said, "Okay, I am Now Her Caregiver" but I am, and I have never taken the time to consider the dangers I put myself in.
I'm grateful for your input on your experiences because it's time now that I sit down with some authority or another and stop letting it just happen. As I've said before, half the time I'm not even sure if I should be doing this at all. It seems like an impossible task to expect myself to be able to handle this successfully when I feel so isolated, as though it's just me trying to protect myself and mom from the entire world including our family.
There is no gratitude or reward for what I'm doing, other than my own sense of right and wrong, and it's really hard for me to be in any way motivated when I feel like i'm not even living my own life anymore.
There really should be some kind of legal aid society for caregivers who just CAN'T add these kinds of worries into our lives.
and welcome to this site . xoxo
Must be something in the air becuase I am also feeling like a loser today, For me it's always being short of money. It's like i just can't fiquire it out. and then I start to think that there must be something completely inept about me becuase I can't fiquire it out.
When I was on my own, before mom's strokes, I was fine, even successful at a few things, and never really gave it much thought, it didn't really matter. if i needed more money for whatever reason, I went out and made it.
But lately, I guess with all the restrictions on my time and my mindset and everything else, I always seem to be just a little short and that starts this whole downward spiral. worry, worry, worry, and on and on....
Hope everyone has a good day...
Also sorry you have to translate the super thin & shallow. I can imagine it is very easy to translate though....no intellectual giants there! lol.
My pet is perfect also. A perfect pain in the a$$, but perfect none the less. Sorry, he is a perfectly sweet boy half the time. His mood swings are worse than mine & more frequent too. BPD kitty!!!! I get the middle claw instead of the middle finger. lol. Good thing he can't speak english.....chances are I'd be out of a job as servant to his lordship.
Got new video editing software & working hard on the Nat. Park footage we got in 2009. Hub says I have OVD ( obsessive video disorder) because I lost an entire day yesterday "perfecting" some footage. Must get outside & get some sun & air today.
Mom is doing well so far this month. Foot doc is trying something new on her diabetic ulcers.....hope it works. The work he's done so far has made a huge difference.
Hope all is well with all today.
love,
miz
I want to give an advice to those of you who have their parents in the first stages of dementia: all the checkbooks, the ATM cards, which your parents still use: make them disappear!!!! Steal them!
We are fighting with a mess that my mother made several years ago. Her current account in the bank has been frozen a few days ago because (we think, we guess) she lost her checkbook or ATM card in Naples years ago, and it was found probably by the wrong people who have used it in the worst possible way. We don't know anything for sure yet, as the current account has been frozen from Naples, One of my cousins who lives in Naples will go and check tomorrow. But if my mother's current account is frozen, it means we are in a hell of a mess because we can't take her retirement pension. (I shall have to become a bank robber, or grow weeds in my garden)..
Really, I know it is painful for them that they lose their independence (I remember the rebellions of my uncle when his children had to take the car away from him - he loved to drive, but he was another Alzheimer and he was starting to become dangerous) - but I am afraid we cannot do any different!
My goodness that little woman (mother) is a constant source of dysasters
Screw the 'Red Hat Society"! We'll be the "Middle Finger Fraternity"! It's amazing how one single small gesture can make one feel soooo good! This is something I'm sure every one of us is guilty of !!! Hmmmm! One more thing we all have in common!
Taking care of ourselves? Easier said than done!
I hope that we may all learn to take time for ourselves and come through these trying times with some level of patience and kindness towards ourselves. My greatest wish is that we will all be stronger and better human beings because of it. And most of all, I hope we all have the energy and the will to get on with our own lives when all this is over!
I'm not sure I would have gotten this far without all of you! Thank you so much!!! Kathy
Personally, I think the only perfection I've ever experienced is the love of several special animals in my life.
Wow! Snow on the ground this morning! Windy, rainy and very cold.
Just caught up on all that I have missed.
Kuli, Lack of sleep is a killer! Glad you got to catch up a little!
Jam, Nice to meet you. Your MIL sounds like she has dementia and can no longer take care of her needs without help. get into a routine and she'll adjust to it.
Miz, I'm with you on the no energy thing! Wish I could sleep for 2 days straight! Sponge baths are good. Elderly's skin is too sensitive to be in the tub or shower everyday. If you have an aide come in, have her show you how she does the sponge bath. They have many helpful tips.
Rossella, Know about the screaming meamies! Have had many episodes lately! Feel like I'm going to snap a lot lately. Letting it out helps some. Mom keeps taking her pull-ups off right after I put her in bed! Found her soaking wet and poop in the bed yesterday! Yuck!!!
Bobbie, You are so right! They cannot think for themselves anymore and do get used to routines that we establish with them to get the basics taken care of.
Ted, I've used that middle finger so much, I'm surprised it hasn't fallen off yet!!! Sometimes my language as I am walking away, even offends me!!!LOL Got to let off that steam!!! And yes, I now have 4 cats roaming around in my house! Love them to death! They are a great comfort during these crazy times!
I have a quote that I would like you all to read and make note of to read often. I will post it separate!
love,
miz
Rational & logical I have come to believe is a pipe dream. My whole life I had striven to anylize and compartmentalize myself & others. I have learned that there are things I DON"T need to know. I won't always accept things "as they are" & will occassionally fly into a rage over the state of things but as was also said.....we are human.
The best I can hope for is that my "record doesn't get stuck" and I am able to work thru & move on when life throws me a twist. "Sufficient is the evil of today". Each moment is an opportunity to grow & overcome. Hard work & very few of us will have arrived at perfection before it all ends. Not giving up counts for sooooooo much.
GOD's tender mercies to you all.