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Ted--- at least you don't have to listen to hawaiian music. Ask Jen about that. Her grandfather puts on hawaiian music from morning to night, If you want to listen to music... Earphones! A skunk would feel at ease in my house. And he would contribute to the general perfume. We have the same gesture of the middle finger here! International!
Hang in there, lately the weekends have been tough for me and I don't know why these are the very days I'm the worst about missing my meds. I missed both my anti-depressent, mood stabilizer and testosterone today not to mention multi-vitatmins, extra vitamin D, calcium citrate, zocor with D, singlulair, omega 3, etc.
Tryin' to listen to music. Mom brought me with music. So a little Jack Johnson and NO! I"M TryING to SLEEP!. pardon me but she can be a B****! What am I suposed to do Just sit here in case she wants coffee? F***.
I hope everyone is doing OK. Sounds like a pain in the arse of a weekend for most of us as usual....Seriously annoying and thankless task we have all taken on, for what ever reasons. And whether you believe in earthly rewards or heavenly ones, it is an ongoing chore that makes us tired, worn out, pissed off, resentful, desperate, hopeful, longing, angry and bewildered in turn....Take what ever good moments you can find and hope/pray/dream it can't last forever. Give yourself credit for having taken on the burden and try to find a glimmer of hope for your own future when ever it gets there...
There was a skunk in our alley tonight. And we are miles up from the river in town...was the best thing of my whole week....That tells ya....
as for here...the ramp is now supposed to be done Tuesday...but who knows. I save my desperate hopes for more meaningful things like moving away and funerals....
... and we need some time to understand each other! When I found this site I did not know anyone of you. Now, I know pretty well many of you and I know we can almost "read" in each other's minds! I have 4 dogs, (one male and 3 females) and at least 15 cats. I never know the right number because some of them were born in my house but they have decided to live outside and they never come in my room. They eat and sleep outside. Some of the cats, on the contrary, are not mine. They come from outside and they have decided to live with me, so they slowly get into my garden and then they get into my room. (the other parts of the house are animal-forbidden). There are plenty of shelters (I have 3 small stores) so they find many places were to sleep. They do what they want. I would like to have some chickens and geese (just for the eggs!) but I don't feel like cleaning more poop! One day or another though I would love to have a couple of donkeys. They are adorable!
There is life after caregiving but it tales a long time to unwind and find yourself because you will be different and you will wonder why you did things the way you did and question yourself a lot and you all are very lucky to have others here who get it-I am still finding myself and some days I feel strong and others depressed but am moving forward-I think.
Yes, Rossella, we are more than alright. I appreciate your candor and honesty, and I love you for saying what you mean to me. No games. I think (hope) that is why we come here. But really, 20 PETS!?!
Miz, maybe we are so many people in the same body and we draw from ourselves the part of us which is needed in that moment! Maybe I am the spineless person my father told me I was, and I am strong when it is necessary! I doubt that anyone can always be "what he really is" ! (on the top of a mountain, alone, maybe!)
Ted, the things that I say to you, I say them to myself first of all! There is always a part of me that I have to crush down! (obviously, the part of me who would say "Bye bye everybody, take care of yourselves, now! I'm getting the hell out of here...")
Sometimes I don't understand myself either. I don't think I have ever been allowed to or allowed myself to be who I really am. Or maybe I don't want to be who I am because I did not like myself when I was.
If my mom had been evil to me growing up, done despicable things to me, maybe I could put her in a NH. I don't know. That was not the case so I can't know. I am a forgiving person. I am fortunate that my mother is loving and grateful.
rossella, of course you do. We all do. We are human. :)
I agree with Rip. What we do is already so hard that it is no use to think: "Why do we do it? Are we right in doing so? Which is our role in this matter?" No more brainbreaking! We have chosen to do it for one reason or another, we could change our mind in the future,,, Who knows? I think that what we are learning from this experience, all of us, is to live day by day...
Yes, Yes ,yes. i have chosen to care for an old, pathetic women who has no other chance of love or help or care. I accept that that is my Fault(? Chioce ? whatever?) but I don't think that deminishes the stuff that I experienced up to this point.
Crowe, I don't know if I understood your question very well. I had a very strong father, he had a very developed sense of ethics, he did his best in anything he did, he went to work even when he was sick... and so on. I think you understood the kind of person. He was very though with my brother and I, and when we were not up to his expectations, he said "I don't know why you are so spineless". I did not follow his example when he was alive (I was easy going and enjoyed the good life). When he died I started to have many more responsibilities on my shoulders and I became a little bit more similar to him (without reaching his levels, of course). I always talk to him and I usually speak "angry" with him. I say "Dad, am I spineless? Yeah? Look how little I sleep the night, how much I work and how I take care of my mother and I am an acceptable leader of my little pack". I loved and admired him a lot; I think he was too strict with us, though, and he underestimated both my brother and I. This gave us a lot of insecurities which could have been avoided if he had not been so strict. I think each one of us has a different story with our deceased parents (it depends on the parents and it depends on us!) But, in general, i think that if we try to take the best of their teaching and at the same time realize that they were not perfect, so we are not overwhelmed by them (alive or dead) it would be the best solution! It's an interesting topic and I think that each one of us would give you different answers. Ted, I am an animal rescuer too - the problem is that once you start it is difficult to stop. I rescued not only cats and dogs but also pigs, sheep, goats, chicken, geese, horses, whatever you can think of. I spent all the money I had and I did not have. (and it still goes on!). So you have to know that it's a slippery slope if you start! Jam, you shout too! It's very liberating and I think we should do it from time to time. Of course, the other night I did not shout "at" my mother. I shouted at the walls, at the air.... I did not want to scare her too much. In fact she did not get scared at all. She thought I was just nervous. She understood I was not angry at her. And, (ex boyfriend): Georgia, Miz, Austin, Linda, Bobbie... The guy we are talking about was an ex boyfriend of 30 years ago exactly. I was 23. Last time I met him I was 33. It was a great love for me, while he considered me as a friend, mostly. I know he loves me a lot (love as: a friend) and perhaps he has an age where he thinks that friendship is more important than passion or however you want to call it. I don't rule out the possibility of meeting him in the future and spending "some" time together (vacation?), but he really lives at the other side of the world for me. So let's stick to reality! I would not go across the world to try to live with a person who is just a friend for me, now. And though, Bobbie, I don't want to Skype! He was an important man in my life and I prefer he does not see me as I am now. If we have to meet, I have to make an intensive care, before! After all, hidden under layers and layers and layers of deterioration, there is still a woman inside here! Stop, stop with nonsense now. Kisses to all of ya
ted , u shouldnt be blaming ur mom cuz ure living in her life . you made the choice to move in with her and take care of her , ur choices , ur mom did not twisted ur arm and made u to take care of her . there is a front door u can walk out and dont look back . your choices . put her in a nh and there youre free ! your choices , i make my choices and im going to cheerish it .
RIP, I feel like a complete loser because I haven't been able to xarry this out! The peoperty is ours, and it sits there abandoned. Meanwhile. I'm paying way too much to rent. I NEED HELP!
sorry guys, This is confusing cause it isn't my life I'm living, it's mom's. and it should not be. Tell me again, and again that this is MY life, DAMMIIT! NOT her's .
hey Ted ~ Lots of us are very strong & here for you!
Love that you believe in Animal Rescue! I've recycled, for lack of a better word, over 100 cats in the last 20+ years. Local animal shelters & rescuers found me out. I had patience & enough mnedical experience to save most of them.
My commercial shop was often the transition space. Recovering cats were welcome, socialized by my dogs & resident cats. Often adopted my clients. Many happy endings!
Rossella & I share much in "animal common" as do most of the regulars on this thread. You'd be amazed at how many pets we have among us ... & the population grows monthly
Deef recently rescued 2 more kitties, we all know about Bobbie's Boat Kitty, Peach has several in house & rescue pets ... Miz & J have kitties with vet bills .... Castoff, Linda, Kuli & ... oh ... I think everybody!
Those Petless raise a paw.
Some day I'll send you the Red Cat Society & K9 Express plans.
Crow, F* you, but you have been a strength for me. don't be getting weak now, I NEED you. I know that you are strong. I need our strength, beef up. stand up, I need you. Please.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A skunk would feel at ease in my house. And he would contribute to the general perfume.
We have the same gesture of the middle finger here! International!
Hang in there, lately the weekends have been tough for me and I don't know why these are the very days I'm the worst about missing my meds. I missed both my anti-depressent, mood stabilizer and testosterone today not to mention multi-vitatmins, extra vitamin D, calcium citrate, zocor with D, singlulair, omega 3, etc.
pardon me but she can be a B****!
What am I suposed to do Just sit here in case she wants coffee? F***.
There was a skunk in our alley tonight. And we are miles up from the river in town...was the best thing of my whole week....That tells ya....
as for here...the ramp is now supposed to be done Tuesday...but who knows. I save my desperate hopes for more meaningful things like moving away and funerals....
I have 4 dogs, (one male and 3 females) and at least 15 cats. I never know the right number because some of them were born in my house but they have decided to live outside and they never come in my room. They eat and sleep outside. Some of the cats, on the contrary, are not mine. They come from outside and they have decided to live with me, so they slowly get into my garden and then they get into my room. (the other parts of the house are animal-forbidden). There are plenty of shelters (I have 3 small stores) so they find many places were to sleep. They do what they want. I would like to have some chickens and geese (just for the eggs!) but I don't feel like cleaning more poop! One day or another though I would love to have a couple of donkeys. They are adorable!
But really, 20 PETS!?!
If my mom had been evil to me growing up, done despicable things to me, maybe I could put her in a NH. I don't know. That was not the case so I can't know. I am a forgiving person. I am fortunate that my mother is loving and grateful.
rossella, of course you do. We all do. We are human. :)
love,
miz
My friends, professional & even acquaintences call me responsible & many other kind things.
Please don't kick yourself. I am hoping we'll all come out of this caregiving episode unscathed.
I think each one of us has a different story with our deceased parents (it depends on the parents and it depends on us!) But, in general, i think that if we try to take the best of their teaching and at the same time realize that they were not perfect, so we are not overwhelmed by them (alive or dead) it would be the best solution!
It's an interesting topic and I think that each one of us would give you different answers.
Ted, I am an animal rescuer too - the problem is that once you start it is difficult to stop. I rescued not only cats and dogs but also pigs, sheep, goats, chicken, geese, horses, whatever you can think of. I spent all the money I had and I did not have. (and it still goes on!). So you have to know that it's a slippery slope if you start!
Jam, you shout too! It's very liberating and I think we should do it from time to time. Of course, the other night I did not shout "at" my mother. I shouted at the walls, at the air.... I did not want to scare her too much. In fact she did not get scared at all. She thought I was just nervous. She understood I was not angry at her.
And, (ex boyfriend): Georgia, Miz, Austin, Linda, Bobbie... The guy we are talking about was an ex boyfriend of 30 years ago exactly. I was 23. Last time I met him I was 33. It was a great love for me, while he considered me as a friend, mostly. I know he loves me a lot (love as: a friend) and perhaps he has an age where he thinks that friendship is more important than passion or however you want to call it. I don't rule out the possibility of meeting him in the future and spending "some" time together (vacation?), but he really lives at the other side of the world for me. So let's stick to reality! I would not go across the world to try to live with a person who is just a friend for me, now. And though, Bobbie, I don't want to Skype! He was an important man in my life and I prefer he does not see me as I am now. If we have to meet, I have to make an intensive care, before! After all, hidden under layers and layers and layers of deterioration, there is still a woman inside here!
Stop, stop with nonsense now.
Kisses to all of ya
there is a front door u can walk out and dont look back . your choices . put her in a nh and there youre free ! your choices ,
i make my choices and im going to cheerish it .
Lots of us are very strong & here for you!
Love that you believe in Animal Rescue! I've recycled, for lack of a better word, over 100 cats in the last 20+ years. Local animal shelters & rescuers found me out. I had patience & enough mnedical experience to save most of them.
My commercial shop was often the transition space. Recovering cats were welcome, socialized by my dogs & resident cats. Often adopted my clients.
Many happy endings!
Rossella & I share much in "animal common" as do most of the regulars on this thread. You'd be amazed at how many pets we have among us ... & the population grows monthly
Deef recently rescued 2 more kitties, we all know about Bobbie's Boat Kitty, Peach has several in house & rescue pets ... Miz & J have kitties with vet bills ....
Castoff, Linda, Kuli & ... oh ... I think everybody!
Those Petless raise a paw.
Some day I'll send you the Red Cat Society & K9 Express plans.
Cheers ~