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rossella, it makes me sad that your mother says those things to you. You are such a good daughter. You're right...patience!!!!! And don't take it personally!! Easier said than done. :)
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I'm not getting notifications today/tonight.

BTW, where is rip??!!
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Diane, I totally understand and can relate to you. Mom has those spells (not too often) where she is looking for things and is just basically out of her mind. Her new meds help a lot. Please stay away from that black hole. And remember if you do go in go in feet first so you can/will pull yourself back out. I'm glad you cut back on work. I hope it will help you. Things WILL get better. That's what I keep telling myself as others tell me that on here also. You're an angel. I love you, dear. Stay well.

love,
miz
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Hi Gang,

It's been a rough few days. Mom is being impossible! She is constantly searching for "something". She can't tell you what it is, but she know she is missing something and won't give up until she finds "it". Tonight she was searching for medicine that she claims she brought home from the Coumadin Clinic. Turns out it was a box of band-aids. While she is searching I try to ask her questions of about what she is searching for. Needless to say she gets pissed off and crying and I am about to lose my mind!

I officially cut back my hours to 30 hours a week. I can't afford to cutback any more and keep my health insurance.

I am feeling the black hole creeping closer and closer and I'm afraid it will soon consume me.

Bobbie, I love the story about KC. You two are a pair!

I really don't have anything positive to say tonight, so I better not depress everyone else.

Have a restful night everyone.

Diane
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Hi guys Maxine here I hate darkness comming so early-I have gotten some men to chat with online dating site that is enough for now -i went to the dollar store for Christmas cards now have to get myself starting writing them out-I always include a note so it takes time. Yesterday would have been our aniversary-open one package from my husband-he had bought a lot ahead probably about 10 or so on which he had written the ocasion and since I am paying for them I decided to start opening them-of course they were all expensive and I could have used the money for other things than dust collectors I have been boxing and putting away so much stuff he bought over the years-it is sad he had to buy things-it was a mental illness.
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Ted, if you start to see patches of light in your eyes, it is definitely time you do something about your pressure. The first time it happened to me, I did not understand what it was. I saw the field in front of me so sunny and sparkling and beautiful! Then I understood it was NO-GOOD!
Miz, welcome to our club! My mother often tells me that I am "the worst thing that could have happened to her "(generally, when I wash her , or force her to change her diaper)
Patience, patience. Lots of lots of helluva patience!
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Ted, I had same problem-went to doctor she told me the stress had totally consumed me and change my lifestyle drastically.Blood pressure was through roof which was not normal for me.She wanted me to try lifestyle change before putting me on drugs.Caregiving is so emotionally draining,mixed with lack of sleep,fear of the unknown-lack of money and missed opportunities-probably everyone on here has high blood pressure.I was so frustrated trying to get my dad to eat and take care of himself,I couldn't catch myself going down that hill.The majority of people on here are in a age brackett that makes us high risk for heart problems.
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And then we had another trip to the ER. And yes, once again the Dilantin Level has gotten toxic. For some reason the doctor he sees is unable to find a dose between 200, too low, and 400, too high....hmmmmmthat is a hard one hmmmm something between 200 and 400??? What could ti be????MORON!

Any how., ramp may be done by Friday,but he wont be going to ADH due to Dilantin emergency again. I am just so sick and tired of all this. I just want it all to end.
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ted . u prob should go to dr about that .. my husband blood pressure was so high , it has alot to do with his heart . last feb he had an open heart operation . blood pressures begin so high all the time is something you dont want to gamble on .
is there a free clinic where you live ? theres one in this town but its like only on 2 days a month , something like that ,
please get urself cked out . who will take care of ur mom if u do get worst ? or layin on the floor crying for help and nobody comes ?
blood pressure meds is prob what you need ...
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I think I've fiquired out my dizziness/nausea thing, just took my Blood Pressure and it was 150/90. So, yea, it's time for me to be the patient for a bit.
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Crowe, Yep, It's time for me to get my butt down to Social Services to get MY stuff straightened out, even just some emergency medicaid to deal with whatever this head thing is.
I never did it before because I was waiting on dough from dad's estate but it doesn't look like that is coming anytime soon, if ever.

Miz, I know how you feel, every now and then my mom comes over to me all excited and asks where her mom is like she can't wait to see her again. Her mom has been gone for 45 years.
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deef, i feel like i'm ready to snap too. black hole stuff. ugh!! And about the sugar, hubby has to have his sugar for coffee. If we run out he'll use the Equal but he doesn't like it.
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deefer and bobbie, it's so good to see you. Well all of you of course but it's been awhile for deef and bobbie. Bobbie, I'm so glad KC is okay and that you saved her. We can add her to my two miracle kitties. :)
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Austin, I think sometimes my mom's questions over and over again are a type of OCD like she needs reassurance. Unfortunately her long term memory and her short term memory are bad. She "remembers" bits and pieces of her past but gets them wrong or acts like they are present day facts. It's hard to explain. The other night I had to again tell her that Dad is no longer living. That is always heart wrenching. She forgets or maybe she thinks it's earlier in her life, I don't know. Alzheimer's is such a terrible and odd disease. I just take it one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time or one minute at a time. She had a bad night on Tuesday and a bad day on Wednesday. Today she is VERY tired. I need to change her but she almost seems disoriented. Scares me. Last night she asked me why I was trying to make her life miserable. She was having some gum pain and I had just put some ambisol on it. Wow that hurt my feelings. Hubby said she doesn't know what she is saying and I know that is true. But it still hurt. I love her so much.

Guess I'll stop rambling now. Got to get her changed.

love,
miz
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Ted, do you not have medicare or medicaid coverage on yourself? If not, it sounds like you would qualify.

My good news for today is that my CPA called that they are almost finished with my mom and step-dad's 2009 tax return! Yeah. When it is finished, I want to take the CPA, his assistant who did all of the grunt work and my step-brother out for a celebration meal and send my step-sister a restaurant gift card because when she was in state, Anna got more done in those 10 day visits than her bother did for the whole year and I'd often have to call her to light a fire under him. He has no idea how many times I have called her since we started on this project in 2009 and thinks I'm the patient step-brother. ha, ha
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Sleep is a good thing to do... I remember I tried it once or twice and really liked it!

Crowe, Yeah, I probably should just go see a doc- the thing is a few weeks ago I took a serious knock to the head (whole 'nother story) and It could be the remnants of a concussion or something. But, of course, I have no coverage and no one to take over mom if I need some time and, and ...

on the other hand, I did promise to be more selfish and take more care of myself so maybe I'll just get myself over to the urgent care and let the chips fall as they will. I'll see how it goes today. Sounds like you could use some TLC yourself. Maybe that sleep thing I keep hearing about...
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I have to be quick because I slept, tonight, and now I have to check on my mother.
Bobbie, the story of your cat is amazing. I don't know many cats who could do such a thing. She is brave and intelligent! I think she'll be scared of water now and whe will pay more attention; anyway, now you have seen that she can handle herself. Definitely, she wants to stay with you!
A kiss to everyone else and welcome back Ted
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Ted, I don't want to scare you, but those symptoms sound like enough to just go on to see your doctor or an urgent care place about.

I'm still rather low functioning. My mom and step-dad's 2008 long past due tax forms have been filed and I hope 2009 will soon be done. My mother had a huge seizure yesterday and has slept all day today. Almost every muscle in my upper back, down the triceps in each arm, biceps and forearms are in pain at rather random times. I can no longer pick up a gallon of milk with my right hand and pour like I use to without my left hand helping although I am fine with my left arm alone.
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Nope, I have not read anything new, but I have dug up some old poems written 30 some years ago. What I wrote earlier which I thought was a song is actually more of a reading which meaning is lost when I tried fitting it into the tune I thought would work. I've never had anyone read my own work back to me, but someone did this for me recently.
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Hey Crowe, long time no read!
Well I guess I landed but it feels more like I landed on my head. Seriously, I'm getting these wierd dizzy spells lately, mixed with a vague feeling of nuasea, that I'm hoping are just symptoms of all the stress and not something more ominous. If they don't calm down in a few days I'll have to go to the doctor and see what she says but I do think it's just a reaction to the end of a very difficult summer.
How have you been? Write anything new I want to read?
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Good to hear from you Ted and that you have landed on your feet with all you have been through.
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Hi everyone, I'm back online after having to set up a new internet making machine that I bought at a yard sale. It took a while to get it cleaned up and updated and all that but at least it works!
I haven't had a chance to read all the good stuff that I missed, been busy on the planning board of a new Caregivers Respite Program and Support Group in my county (really, really good stuff!), as well as dealing with all the day-to-day BS and my own brain trying it's best to shut down on me (really bad stuff).
Hope you all are doing well, I've missed you.
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Bobbie - what a hoot - a cat that swims. Now all you have to do is teach her how to fish and you two can enjoy a fish fry from time to time - ha! Glad to hear she and you are ok.. Deef, sorry to hear you've been under the weather. I had that same cold last week and a half and am finally feeling myself again. Tenn - hope you guys are coping without Nola. Hope things start going your way with the whole lawsuit thing. Rosella - just keep on hanging in there. So glad someone figured out a way to keep the stove on and your mom not freaking out about it. J - glad the ramp is getting done finally. GP, Rip, and everyone else - hope you are able to get a good night's sleep and have a day in which you can find some humor tomorrow. Love to all!
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Hey everybody! Been under the weather since I caught Mom's cold. She has been a handful as usual. Won't eat, clamps her mouth closed tight, won't pee on the toilet, sits there forever and holds it for the bed! Soaked through the last few nights!
Miz, get used to repeating. It's what they do best.
Rossella, I snap almost every day! I haven't had a night or morning away from Mom since mid June and it's really getting to me! I'm so close to snapping in two that it scares me. I'm usually so good at getting past issues, but they just seem to be getting to me more and more!
Linda, no sugar! I only buy it for baking. Haven't used it in coffee or tea in 30 years. I guess that's a good thing! Hope they find a solution to Pa.s problem!
Tenn and Lil Tenn, so sorry you lost Nola! It's so awful to lose a pet. Sounds like you may finally be getting things straightened out there. Good luck!
Bobbie! A genuine cougar! Hot dog!!!! Good for you I think that's wonderful that you found someone so special! Hope you can get together real soon. Glad kitty is a swimmer. You are both very lucky!
Maxine, my cat falls off the bed all the time!
Jen, wow! that ramp is moving right along! Let's hope you can push Gramps right down that thing to the bus on Friday!!!
Kuli, Peach, Diane, Pirate and everyone else, hope you all have a peaceful week!
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Good for KC that she or he I can not remember can swim because sorry to say cats do ot always remember not to do something that gets them in trouble.When I first got Benji he slept so close to the edge of the bed he would fall off more than once. J I think you are right to tell your Mom you have had if she wants to change she will I would go to look at nursing homes the ones near me are getting scared because hospitals here have low censes so they take rehab pts' for 21 days and get paid by medicare so the NH have empty rehab beds they peobably would have taken my husband now no matter what the IV meds cost but the last time I was po'd and sent him to another anyway even if the first one was 10 min away.
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Kitty having way to much bad kitty DAY THERE!

Another day more coughing and bs...last night when my mother suggested helping her father dress I told her this was getting very close to my cut off of what I am willing to do care wise for her father. (the disgusting old pervert) left that bit out. She said I know...in such a way that she truly did not, and walked away...what ever. sick this morning just plain sick.
She wants me to look up nursing homes by atty general grade and call for brochures, yes anything to take it outa her hands. fine what ever. Can I get you an appointment so you can go place him NOW!
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Poop Heads!!
exactly right. and hilarious.

HB to lil Tenny! with all the love and hugs!

Overwhelmed because I am lonely here and that's no one's fault but my own and right at this moment the only human contact I have is with people who see me as a paycheck and we know how that goes.

The boat is almost finished with this part of the refit!! ALMOST. i was going to move her but have decided to stay at this new marina for another 2 weeks and then on to an anchorage for awhile where I can celebrate Thanksgiving. I'll roast up a nice turkey tittie for the Cat and I.

CAT STORY:

2 days ago I found out that the cat can swim!
I have let her out on the foredeck and she started walking the teak handrails and making me crazy. I knew that she didn't realize that the boat moves and that she could lose her balance.
Thank God that I was right there, and I turned around just as she was strolling along the big rail and then she tried to make it to the skinny rail, lost her balance and went right over the side and splash.
I took my glasses off thinking that I had to jump in and I looked over and she was swimming. Cool.
I literally shouted to her: Go to the back!! and she did!
By the time I got to the swim platform (seconds) and looked up the port side where she had fallen, she was no longer there. I hollered out KITTY!! WHERE ARE YOU?? and she howled louder than a foghorn.
She swam her own boat! She had made it all the way around the boat and was between the dock and the boat and was not leaving her boat!
I lay flat on my front and reached out with both hands to get her because if I just reached down to grab her by the scruff I would have pushed her head under water. I grabbed her and hugged her to my chest and her heart was pounding and she yowled again and I made soft noises and brought her back on the boat. After toweling her off she looked like she had backed into a 220 outlet. I spent the day brushing the sea water out of her coat and she's ok.
It had to happen and we are both very fortunate that it happened when it did. Slack tide and no wind. No current to carry her away and no wind to push her under the dock. Amazing. just another little reason I believe in God.
Cat is now very respectful of the railings and hasn't walked one again. Hope she sticks to that!

Love all you guys!

Off to work on boat.

lovbob
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Bobbie,glad you got the cards.What is over whelming? Do you need the crew to kick someones booty?ARE you heading north or south,I guess pet kid hated to see you go. I just saw Pam's Marine-he is much better looking than my marine.I know she is very proud of her boy and rightly so. Mine just had her birthday-they grow so quick. The tax people are the ones who are responsible for the lastest upset,they get everything wrong around here then one must pay for their mistakes. My dad deeded me 17 acres about six years ago and they added the 17 acres to what I already have,but did not subtract it from the 400 acre tract on the tax card.We were paying double tax on 17 acres plus it showed untrue acreage,because the tract is 388 acres or something. I told everyone about this years ago,but my lawyer didn't listen-their lawyers didn't listen-they act as though it was a secret and they figured it out.They are a bunch of poop heads.
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The ramp should be done by Thursday evening, just in time...and then he fell in his room, no injuries but I will be sore from hauling him up and I have piss all over me now....yes, wonderful, when is this over? Hope everyone is doing OK....Take em for all they got T!
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Georgia, the problem of the stove was solved by Daniela, one of my girls, who is a little genius in finding solutions! In the past week, she has cleaned the stove but she has not cleaned the glass. The glass has become so black that you don't see any flame inside! It was the Egg of Columbus. I would have moved all the furniture. I have no practical intelligence!
My mother has no more organisation in her life. Sometimes she goes to bed at 8 p.m. Tonight, (it is almost 5 in the night/morning), she is still on the couch watching television. I have decided to let her do her own way. The stove is on, every now and then I go to check on her... She does what she wants. It is the only freedom she has left!
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