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This evening with my mother, it was not poop, it was manure! Oh gosh. I have to work now, and it seems amusing to me, after what I had to do. Sunny, your mother seems a lot similar to mine. When I take her to the cafés, I generally take something salty (potato chips, olives, pepper sauce, and I drink a Martini; not your martini, just the vermouth.) My mother takes a decaf and a doughnut or something of this kind. If I am not careful, she takes my potato chips and soakes them in her coffee, or she takes her doughnut and she soakes it into the pepper sauce. She steals all the paper napkins of the café and puts them in her bag; she eats all the sugar in the sachets (10, 20 sachets). So, every time we go to a café is kind of a Camel trophy. I was lucky it did not happen to me yet that she pooped in a public place. But I guess it will happen sooner or later! I can't wait!!!
Austin....not completely. Macular Degeneration in both eyes. She can see a little. Bright light helps but can't see very good detail. And she sees things that are not there. Crazy, and confusing. I can tell the lights are getting lower, but I am starting to see the old mom come back a bit these last few days! She loved the mary kay party tonight and I ended up joining so we can get the discounts! So if you are looking for a consultant I will have a web site for all my friends soon! Ha! I think I have lost my mind! Back to Mom...I don't want to get my hopes up, but she seems a bit more with it.... Perhaps the aricept is working. Just hope it lasts! Night everyone
Busted! Sorry, but I have been told. You have this wonderful website for support and advice and I must continue telling my story on dementias-daughter for those that have the same need. I have so much to tell like taking Mom to the bank twice a week so she could draw $100 out of her checking acct. while I redeposited the last $100 at the same time. The tellers were very understanding. When she peed in the aisle at the grocery store and crapped her pants at the zoo. Whew, what a smell. The wedding reception where I watched her play in the yard with the kids and the time she escaped into the kitchen at a restaurant (she was in her pacing mode) and I found her filling a plate with another salad. The look on the faces of the kitchen staff was priceless. Where do you take an adult child on one last trip? To Disney World of course. The lights, the music, the characters were all a delight to someone who had lost so much of the fun and joy of living. In the evening, I would ask Mom if she wanted a glass of wine. I wondered at her eagerness when she was never fond of alcohol. Then I realized that this was the one time when she was and was treated as an adult. We sat together on the back patio as friends enjoying the sunset and I knew it was the highlight of her day. These stories and so many more are in me and need the telling. It's a lot of writing, but someone will read and use my experience to the benefit of the loved one they are caring and maybe someone in the horrors of a recent diagnosis will know that the laughter doesn't need to end.
I worked for an association of blind people. Amazing. One of those boys sat next to me in my car and gave me directions on the streets because he had memorized all the neighbourhood. When I got lost he asked me: "do you see a gas station? Because the gas station is on xxx road" and things like these. I miss them a lot. I think I will call them to know how they are.
Austin ... I have a friend who is blind since birth. Was a twin .. to much oxygen. Never fails to amaze me with her talents & wit! Has a MSW - Master in Social Work & raised her delightful - now adult (??? how quickly they grow) daughter alone!
She is anything but disabled! Won't acknowledge the term.
At 60 she is still tapping her cane to the local bus stop & if off to work. A place she is valued. Helping others. Seattle has a good bus system & she know s how to work it! She has been mugged a couple of times ... once the brats apologised not realising she was blind! Gave her back her purse!
She's figured out how to work the system for sure. A true hero!
HI Kuli ~ I remember when I was a kid ... well, when I was a young kid like 7 YO ... My dad would talk about being uneasy with death. Something he didn't want to talk about. He wanted to care for the people who were still living.
So many people he knew had passed ... he was late 30's then. Had fought in the war, lost lots of friends ... grew up in a fishing community. Boats like Deadliest Catch. We all lost friends on crab boats. Seattle thing. Most of us old timers here have known people who have lost their lives fishing in Alaska. Death was a silent constant.
I used to enjoy the old ladies at the AL place. We'd always laugh! Most were active widows. They didn't seem bothered by death. It was there when it happened. They grieved, but didn't stop there ... Many of those ladies became active & hopping after losing their spouses!
Happy not to be catering to the husbands that were wonderful ... yet expected them to cook, clean, shop & tend to them all day every day. Not that they didn't miss their spouses, but went beyond the grief of losing them (& the associated chores) Discovered they had new value in widowhood. Found activities, skills & fun! Despite losing a ifetime partner. hats off to them all!!!
Maybe they overwhelmed the widowers who ganged up in the boy clusters in the activity areas.. They, the boys, were a minority there. Felt all the ladies were after them!
Some were looking for a replacement spouse? Cook for them , do laundry for for them shop for them do everything their late wives did for them.
Many of the ladies just wanted a guy to run the stupid TV remote control! For them! Be a non complaining companion who didn't gripe endlessly about their poor heartaches & sad upbringings.
That generation in this particular apt dwelling, had the Leave to Beaver generation who lived the life of the man earning the income while the wife kept the home alone.
Lots of the widows were happy to look ahead at an idependent life. & by golly - most of them did! Many volunteering & finding new ventures. Some found new relationships with sturdy men.
Lots of those old ladies are sitting this evening, in a group, knitting ... enjoying the company of those ladies whose fingers are so knotted up they cane no longer hold a needle ... yet can share stories of what they ate for breakfast, how the doctors's appts went & even stuff of their childhood before electric appliances.
Hc I did not know your Mom is blind it is good that she is interested in looking nice. One of the women in my sewing group has very little eyesight and lives in an apartment in her daughter house-she always looks so good and is so pleasant we thread her needle for her and get her started on the cancer pads and she does well and we make the knot at the end and assist her into other rooms-she is also in our book club as well as another lady they get the books on tape and we meet once a month to discuss the book of the month. Kuli I am glad your Dad is not afraid of dieing none of us are promised a tomarrow and imgine how great it will be to be in the preance of God. My Mom 91 and my aunt 93 both say they are ready to leave this earth.
Sometimes I wonder how my dad does it. I don't know if I were in his shoes if I would even get out of bed everyday. It's like he just waits and waits and waits......Of course, on the other hand, what choice does he have - this is his life now. I'm not sure I could be as brave. But his will to live is so strong sometimes, even when it doesn't seem to me that there is any reason to want to live. We talk about death and dying and he doesn't seem to be afraid of it but I guess there is always that fear of the unknown - that realization that knowing what you have is better than not knowing what's next........
Well the meds seem to be working better for me, and I had a flash of something that made me decide to take my Mom to a Mary Kay Party tonight! She Loves makeup and drives me nuts with buying stuff, but I went to one last Friday evening with the girls at work and I decided to buy some stuff for me/Mom and commit to the 2nd half of the party tonight! Mom is so excited! But I think I am nuts to do this since I shoe her away from all this stuff at the drug store...but I found myself saying, oh she would Love this!!! So pray for me it will go well and she won't push me off the deep end! Since she goes to the Blind Center she is going to ask if the ladies there would like to have a MaryKay party to learn how to put on makeup blind! If they are going to wear it, they should know how to use it so they don't look like a racoon! Like my Mom tends to do :-)
Waiting for the next emergency here...gotta feeling it is coming soon and this one may be permanent, he is fading to a degree of care that may soon be requiring nursing home care. I hope so. Everyone is so worn out here. Just worn out!
Yes Crowe in my day there would have been wispering behind your back such a nice guy too bad he is not married, etc or you would have had a million blind dates.
Bobbie, Maybe it took this drama for the dockmaster to learn a lesson. Sorry he had to learn it at your expense. Hope you are persecution free for a long time to come. Glad kitty travels well. Salty Kitty. Rosella, As I'm sure you have summized....I'm not very subtle or diplomatic. lol. Any ideas as to how I could get crazy mom into a pshyc evaluation? Every time she and I have a confrontation it's me who is the unbalanced one according to her. The defensive maneuvers on her part are quite adept at transferring the crazy to me (her demons are wiely). I always have to take into consideration her sugar levels, but can't very well test her sugar before speaking to her without "tipping my hand". The devious part of her is still quite sharp. It would be soooo much easier for me if she was sedated. Do they make a pill for compassion? Rip, On if you search flickr....people....jhurl58, you'll see what we've been shooting at our local park. We met him at the park, a good guy & talented photog. Some really fantastic shots. He & hub hit it off & often wander the park together while I play in the gardens. The Hummingbird Moth was of particular interest...never saw one before this last year. Hope you & Sir enjoy....others too. Austin. Crowe, GP, Kuli, Kathy, Diane, Ted...... Have a blessed day all.
The boat sounds like quite an adventure! I have a kayak which I use in the summer to "get away from it all" when and if I have a "babysitter" for my Mom. She sleeps more these days and I love having the mornings to myself. Now I have to work on my transferring skills so I won't hurt my back and neck. Always a new challenge.
Miz! howzitgoing? kitty made the trip as if she's been doing it for years. totally not bothered. I put her box in my cabin and closed her in, 6 portholes, 4 open, and knew that we didn't have a long trip so she didn't need her food. We had the pilothouse doors open and the cockpit door open so I didn't want to worry about the cat while underway. I went below to check on her and she was fine.
Cast and GP! thanks for having my back! no worries. According to the boat angel and a few others, the dockmaster at the other place feels bad and I am sorry. Just can't do stupid drama. Like the rest of us, I have had enough drama to last 5 lifetimes.
Went again to WallyMart yesterday in the ongoing project of provisioning the boat.
Today I am working on the teak that supports the windlass (anchor thingy).
Our waitress was a real chatterbox and lingered while taking our food order as she talked on and on. Finally, she had our order and ran out of conversation. Mom spoke up before her back was hardly turned and said for half the restaurant to hear, "She talks too much!" There was no denying the truth to that statement; the customers, cooks, and waitresses were grinning as I burst out laughing. Mom just continued to stir the sugar in her tea with a stern look on her face. When I had gained enough control to speak, I shrugged my shoulders and informed the room, "She's just hungry." Without warning she replied, "You're damn right!" Something about her personality had obviously changed. I had always thought of Mom as Miss Manners, but now she was indifferent and careless in that respect. I sat there chuckling and wondering, "Who is this person?" Our waitress returned and good-naturedly asked Mom if she would like more sugar for her tea. "It might sweeten you up!" she said, trying to hold back a grin. Now, we were all laughing! At least once a week, Mom and I ate at that same diner ordering from our favorite waitress until she could no longer feed herself without making a mess. This was too much embarrassment for my mother, although our waitress would have cheerfully cleaned up after her if we had continued to stop in to see her.
Sunny, I have been hand-pooped, and I did not like it a lot. If I had been head-pooped I don't think I would have laughed! Please tell your stories on your site, but tell them on this site, too. You can make a copy-paste
Kuli: your story about NH and prisons is so true. Castoff: the demand for attention of your mother seems to me a little bit excessive; I am not a doctor, but I do not understand why they do not diagnose some kind of disease. You could have a proper treatment. I don't know what I could do if my mother was not under treatment. She would be completely non-manageable (she already is!!!) Rip you are so sweet. Who cares about us? Just us. Lifespan has increased so there must be I don't know how many people with aged relatives, with mental problems or just physical. And they live like all of us - alone, until they have the enormous luck to find a forum like this one. I am afraid this is the only thing we shall get. No attention from the public. TV... they do not want to talk about these subjects. Financial help... We are not important. I have a disability pension for my mother and totally free medical assistance and free drugs; so I can't complain from this point of view - but it is not enough to pay for caregivers, and nobody pays me for my lack of freedom and my stress. So I think it is a lost battle - that is, drawing the public attention on us. I was one of these people who did not want to think about it, until I found myself submerged by it. I tried to live as happily as I could, not thinking of the fact that my parents could take Alz or something of that kind (and though, I decided to be blind because there were so many cases of dementia in my family). One just hopes to dodge the bullet, and all over sudden the bullet arrives. Right now I am thinking of my personal bullet; that is: what will happen to ME in a few years? And I am studying some strategies. My brother, for example, thinks of it much less than I do, because he does not live here so he is relatively untouched by this mess. (and he has the same relatives I have, so he has the same probability to get an Alz as I have) What I mean is that many many people decide to live blindfold, until something strikes them and they have to deal with it. I have planned to contact the ALZ centre here in Italy, talk to them about this forum and ask to organize something of this kind in Italy. And I have not found the time to do it yet! And though I know it would be so useful for people here. I am afraid this is the only thing we can do - venting and giving advice to each other. Sometimes even the doctors seem not to understand. They tell me things that make me understand they don't know what they are talking about. . On a lighter note: My brother came this morning, he said: "let's hide the flames", he put a black cardboard in front of the stove door (stuck with a dutch tape); after 10 minutes the cardboard started to smoke and smell... I took it off and said: "No good solution!" So I put a screen in front of the stove and I hope we can go on like this (I moved the screen everytime my mother changed position so she would not see the flames anyway!!!!) I have to find a bigger one so I don't have to move it every time. It's 6.30 in the morning here and nothing serious happened tonight; when I went into the other part of the house half an hour ago, I saw my mother laid on the ground (she had left the bed, sat on the couch and slipped on the floor), but she had nothing broken, so it's all right. All in a day's work!
June, I'm sorry that happened to you. I imagine back then people might have wondered why I as a man was not married by the time I was 31. I'm glad those days are no longer with us.
You guys are so profound! Thank you for sharing! You guys are so important to me & I appreciate you so very much!
Bobbie, how are you & Kitty getting along? Ya want us to come down & whoop up on the dockmaster for you?? It would be our pleasure! No body messes with our captain!!!
Hope eveybody is having an easy night! Love & hugs!
You have a wife who cares about you and wants to have a good relationship that is the difference-I did not have that-only for a short time-now people know themselves before they find the person right for them-in my day if you were over say 22 people wondered what was wrong with you and if you were say 25 you were an old maid.
You hit the nail on the head the widowers at my senior center are more well adjusted than most of the widows and are more open to life some of the widows have to sit with the same people every day or have a hissy fit-I was on the other end a few months ago my table was full so I sat down at another table that had no placemat-when you pay for the whole lunch or just the dessert you put down a placemat with your name well I was sitting with two people who had come for the computer class and stayed for lunch we we visiting-I like to meet new people and enjoying conversing and I am oldtimer was telling them what our center offered and this wild lady came running to the table and had a fit because I was sitting in HER chair -I explained the rules and said it was not HER chair but belonged to the county then a crazy lady who helps serve got involved the three of us sat there and in a very loud voice I told the couple most of the people here are VERY NICE -I am not sure if they ever came back to our lovely center but at 70 I refuse to be pushed around -the point is widows seem less able to get on with life-maybe they had great marriages I can only wish but plan to live my rest of my life living and enjoying other people-my Mom is so angery as was my MIL -I do not have time to feel sorry for myself who knows when we will be called home we are not promised a tomorrow and I want to be ready for judgement day,
It is tough on spouses to loose a wife or husband after decades of marriage. Very often, it is much harder on the husband than on the wife and they often die sooner after their wife dies. There's quite a range of responses to death of spouses. My aunt and uncle celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary months before his diagnosis and dead from liver cancer this summer. Some are amazed at her resolve to live alone in that huge (old southern type) two story house, but she is. She's investing more time with her children and grandchildren which includes traveling out of state. She misses him but is not immobilized. One elderly widow I knew got her driver's license at 65 when her husband died and my did she travel while her married daughter in her 40ties stayed near home and had yet to learn how to drive. Then there was a very needy woman for whom her husband martyred himself and right after his death all of a sudden was better and took care of herself. Last, but not least there is my MIL who a year before their 50th wedding anniversary, my FIL died, but her missing him is as she complains because he is not there to do her beckon call living in the old days 15 years ago for he was her slave. I've only known one elderly windower who outlived more than one spouse, but I've known many who died soon after loosing their first spouse. The most pitiful widow that I ever met was one so 'pampered' by her husband and so totally dependent upon him that not knowing how to drive a car was the least of her problems. Seems like how one responds to the death of one's spouse has a lot to do with the marriage itself as well as with the surviving person.
Our state and federal taxes pay for all of that prisoner care. I wonder what the numbers are on how many current state and federal prisoners could pay $5,000 or more a month. Of course, Madoff could. If we put the elderly in prisons, I guess we would use the high security prisons for some, co-correctional minimum security for others, the men's and women's prisons for the less risky and half-way-homes for those needing assisted living. :)
How then would we protect ourselves from the criminals now resident in these nursing homes?
What is the total nursing home population in the US compared to the current prison population?
How much would taxes need to increase for nursing homes and assisted living institutions to have the level of life provided by prisons?
kuli12106 Boy you hit the nail on the head. Its so true. Criminals get so much better attention then our seniors. And its free for them. Thanks for the enlightenment.
Deef, Thanks. I've learned to get over mom's evil moments quickly now. My buttons are covered better than before & I've been able to detach. She still tweeks me but I don't hang onto it as long. Much of the progress I've made has been thanks to all of you. The insight & perspectives we share has helped more than any "therapy" ever could. EMPATHY from true hearts that know first hand. It means sooooo much to me! Kuli & Sunny, Thank you for your enlightened perspectives. I'll need to refer back to your most recent posts often for it to really sink in. I think we need a "best of" thread for all the truely profound entries.....there have been many. Rip, How about "Desperate Caregivers" for a show title. I'm a little tired of reality TV that is anything but. Is Desperate Heifers (housewives) real? Are people really like that AFTER highschool? Almost makes me ashamed to be human. Darwin's theory can't be true if this is what we have to show for it after these thousands of years. Too many evolutionary U turns to be more than just a theory. We could show them how REAL reality TV could be. Rosella, Long ago on one of mom's NH "vacations" I arrived for my visit to find they had moved her into a double room by herself and had taken out the other bed. No one attending told me that mom had screamed "fire" repeatedly in the middle of the night because her roommates TV was flickering. Mom was so proud of herself that she had gotten them to "perform" for her. They tell me there is no dementia but they won't confirm that she's nuts either. That behavior is criminal to the rest of us but OK in mom's little world. All for her amusement. We no longer have assylums here; so what are we to do? All I know to do is shelter people from her as much as possible, but 24/7 care is more than I could bear. Each day as it comes & keep her isolated except from those in her building who know her & her ways. The resentment I have is not being able to do other charitable work while I am at her beck & call. Not much benefit to others while I am in "service to the queen".
Hey everyone! Having trouble keeping up lately. More and more work taking care of Mom and lots of stuff to do before the snow flies! Got to take hoses off the pool and put the pump in the cellar this week. It's cold and rainy today, but supposed to be in the 70's Tues. & Wed. Good time to get the yard work done for the last time. Miz, I'm exhausted too, like you and everyone else! It's so hard to get any good rest. It definitely changes our outlook on life! I hope you can get more rest and feel better soon.Kuli, Mom used to call the bed alarms booby traps in the NH. She hated them because she was always trying to get up and making them ring! I like your B/F's ride in the car solution! Mom and Dad were married just shy of 35 years. He died of a massive heart attack at 54 and left Mom with 2 teenagers still at home. I think having my younger siblings to care for saved her life. I have been with my husband for over 40 years, and it would be a big adjustment if I lost him. Sunny, your description of AD is spot on! I know Mom gets tired of us telling her what to do and what not to do, and we get just as frustrated with the daily grind of keeping her clean, fed, and safe! I have closed circuit cameras and she is in a wheelchair because of PD. When she gets home from daycare, I leave her alone for a while just to give her and me, some space. It seems to do her good to have that time, makes her calmer. Of course, if she wasn't restrained to the wheelchair, I wouldn't be able to do that. Her mind is so far gone, she can't get into much trouble and the camera allows me to get to her in less than 5 seconds. Love the crap on your head story! Mom has done similar things to me! Rossella, Hope your Mom forgets about the stove! It's too cold to be without it. Unfortunately she is like my Mom and they get something in their head and they won't let go! maybe she'll get so cold, she'll want the stove back on, that is if she can even know she is cold! My mom never really liked animals when we were all younger. Now she loves cats and dogs and really likes to pet them. The 2 new cats that I took in, roam over to her apartment with me all the time. They like to get close to her for pats on the head. they are really good with her! Rip, You are so right about not a lot of help for us out there! When I first had to start caring for Mom and getting things coordinated, it was so frustrating! All the phone calls and paperwork and questions that no one had answers for! It's really crazy that there are not more places to go for help and so frustrating when you are looking for answers. This is truly a good place to get lots of info from people who know first hand what to expect and how to deal with all kinds of situations. For now, this is the best we have! Bobbie, You need to pull a "joke" on that SOB. Payback would be so sweet!!! Pirate, Love the new you!!! Keep it coming! Castoff, As Rossella said, even though our moms have gone round the bend, they can still push our buttons and drive us over the edge! Mom kicks, hits, and punches when she is trying to make a point! It's all a part of the disease. Hope you all have a wonderful day without stress!!!
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Oh gosh. I have to work now, and it seems amusing to me, after what I had to do.
Sunny, your mother seems a lot similar to mine. When I take her to the cafés, I generally take something salty (potato chips, olives, pepper sauce, and I drink a Martini; not your martini, just the vermouth.) My mother takes a decaf and a doughnut or something of this kind. If I am not careful, she takes my potato chips and soakes them in her coffee, or she takes her doughnut and she soakes it into the pepper sauce. She steals all the paper napkins of the café and puts them in her bag; she eats all the sugar in the sachets (10, 20 sachets). So, every time we go to a café is kind of a Camel trophy. I was lucky it did not happen to me yet that she pooped in a public place. But I guess it will happen sooner or later! I can't wait!!!
I miss them a lot. I think I will call them to know how they are.
Never fails to amaze me with her talents & wit! Has a MSW - Master in Social Work & raised her delightful - now adult (??? how quickly they grow) daughter alone!
She is anything but disabled! Won't acknowledge the term.
At 60 she is still tapping her cane to the local bus stop & if off to work. A place she is valued. Helping others.
Seattle has a good bus system & she know s how to work it!
She has been mugged a couple of times ... once the brats apologised not realising she was blind! Gave her back her purse!
She's figured out how to work the system for sure.
A true hero!
I remember when I was a kid ... well, when I was a young kid like 7 YO ... My dad would talk about being uneasy with death. Something he didn't want to talk about.
He wanted to care for the people who were still living.
So many people he knew had passed ... he was late 30's then.
Had fought in the war, lost lots of friends ... grew up in a fishing community. Boats like Deadliest Catch. We all lost friends on crab boats. Seattle thing.
Most of us old timers here have known people who have lost their lives fishing in Alaska.
Death was a silent constant.
I used to enjoy the old ladies at the AL place. We'd always laugh!
Most were active widows. They didn't seem bothered by death. It was there when it happened.
They grieved, but didn't stop there ...
Many of those ladies became active & hopping after losing their spouses!
Happy not to be catering to the husbands that were wonderful ... yet expected them to cook, clean, shop & tend to them all day every day.
Not that they didn't miss their spouses, but went beyond the grief of losing them (& the associated chores)
Discovered they had new value in widowhood.
Found activities, skills & fun! Despite losing a ifetime partner.
hats off to them all!!!
Maybe they overwhelmed the widowers who ganged up in the boy clusters in the activity areas..
They, the boys, were a minority there. Felt all the ladies were after them!
Some were looking for a replacement spouse? Cook for them , do laundry for for them shop for them do everything their late wives did for them.
Many of the ladies just wanted a guy to run the stupid TV remote control! For them! Be a non complaining companion who didn't gripe endlessly about their poor heartaches & sad upbringings.
That generation in this particular apt dwelling, had the Leave to Beaver generation who lived the life of the man earning the income while the wife kept the home alone.
Lots of the widows were happy to look ahead at an idependent life. & by golly - most of them did!
Many volunteering & finding new ventures.
Some found new relationships with sturdy men.
Lots of those old ladies are sitting this evening, in a group, knitting ... enjoying the company of those ladies whose fingers are so knotted up they cane no longer hold a needle ... yet can share stories of what they ate for breakfast, how the doctors's appts went & even stuff of their childhood before electric appliances.
miz
Rosella, As I'm sure you have summized....I'm not very subtle or diplomatic. lol. Any ideas as to how I could get crazy mom into a pshyc evaluation? Every time she and I have a confrontation it's me who is the unbalanced one according to her. The defensive maneuvers on her part are quite adept at transferring the crazy to me (her demons are wiely). I always have to take into consideration her sugar levels, but can't very well test her sugar before speaking to her without "tipping my hand". The devious part of her is still quite sharp. It would be soooo much easier for me if she was sedated. Do they make a pill for compassion?
Rip, On if you search flickr....people....jhurl58, you'll see what we've been shooting at our local park. We met him at the park, a good guy & talented photog. Some really fantastic shots. He & hub hit it off & often wander the park together while I play in the gardens. The Hummingbird Moth was of particular interest...never saw one before this last year. Hope you & Sir enjoy....others too.
Austin. Crowe, GP, Kuli, Kathy, Diane, Ted......
Have a blessed day all.
I have room on the dingy deck for your kayak! We have a davit so you won't hurt your back and neck!! Just hook her up and splash!
love you guys and off to work.
lovbob
Now I have to work on my transferring skills so I won't hurt my back and neck. Always a new challenge.
Miz! howzitgoing? kitty made the trip as if she's been doing it for years. totally not bothered. I put her box in my cabin and closed her in, 6 portholes, 4 open, and knew that we didn't have a long trip so she didn't need her food. We had the pilothouse doors open and the cockpit door open so I didn't want to worry about the cat while underway.
I went below to check on her and she was fine.
Cast and GP! thanks for having my back! no worries. According to the boat angel and a few others, the dockmaster at the other place feels bad and I am sorry. Just can't do stupid drama. Like the rest of us, I have had enough drama to last 5 lifetimes.
Went again to WallyMart yesterday in the ongoing project of provisioning the boat.
Today I am working on the teak that supports the windlass (anchor thingy).
lovbob
There was no denying the truth to that statement; the customers, cooks, and waitresses were grinning as I burst out laughing. Mom just continued to stir the sugar in her tea with a stern look on her face. When I had gained enough control to speak, I shrugged my shoulders and informed the room, "She's just hungry." Without warning she replied, "You're damn right!"
Something about her personality had obviously changed. I had always thought of Mom as Miss Manners, but now she was indifferent and careless in that respect.
I sat there chuckling and wondering, "Who is this person?" Our waitress returned and good-naturedly asked Mom if she would like more sugar for her tea. "It might sweeten you up!" she said, trying to hold back a grin. Now, we were all laughing!
At least once a week, Mom and I ate at that same diner ordering from our favorite waitress until she could no longer feed herself without making a mess. This was too much embarrassment for my mother, although our waitress would have cheerfully cleaned up after her if we had continued to stop in to see her.
Please tell your stories on your site, but tell them on this site, too. You can make a copy-paste
Castoff: the demand for attention of your mother seems to me a little bit excessive; I am not a doctor, but I do not understand why they do not diagnose some kind of disease. You could have a proper treatment. I don't know what I could do if my mother was not under treatment. She would be completely non-manageable (she already is!!!)
Rip you are so sweet. Who cares about us? Just us. Lifespan has increased so there must be I don't know how many people with aged relatives, with mental problems or just physical. And they live like all of us - alone, until they have the enormous luck to find a forum like this one. I am afraid this is the only thing we shall get. No attention from the public. TV... they do not want to talk about these subjects. Financial help... We are not important. I have a disability pension for my mother and totally free medical assistance and free drugs; so I can't complain from this point of view - but it is not enough to pay for caregivers, and nobody pays me for my lack of freedom and my stress. So I think it is a lost battle - that is, drawing the public attention on us. I was one of these people who did not want to think about it, until I found myself submerged by it. I tried to live as happily as I could, not thinking of the fact that my parents could take Alz or something of that kind (and though, I decided to be blind because there were so many cases of dementia in my family). One just hopes to dodge the bullet, and all over sudden the bullet arrives. Right now I am thinking of my personal bullet; that is: what will happen to ME in a few years? And I am studying some strategies. My brother, for example, thinks of it much less than I do, because he does not live here so he is relatively untouched by this mess. (and he has the same relatives I have, so he has the same probability to get an Alz as I have)
What I mean is that many many people decide to live blindfold, until something strikes them and they have to deal with it.
I have planned to contact the ALZ centre here in Italy, talk to them about this forum and ask to organize something of this kind in Italy. And I have not found the time to do it yet! And though I know it would be so useful for people here. I am afraid this is the only thing we can do - venting and giving advice to each other. Sometimes even the doctors seem not to understand. They tell me things that make me understand they don't know what they are talking about. .
On a lighter note: My brother came this morning, he said: "let's hide the flames", he put a black cardboard in front of the stove door (stuck with a dutch tape); after 10 minutes the cardboard started to smoke and smell... I took it off and said: "No good solution!"
So I put a screen in front of the stove and I hope we can go on like this (I moved the screen everytime my mother changed position so she would not see the flames anyway!!!!) I have to find a bigger one so I don't have to move it every time.
It's 6.30 in the morning here and nothing serious happened tonight; when I went into the other part of the house half an hour ago, I saw my mother laid on the ground (she had left the bed, sat on the couch and slipped on the floor), but she had nothing broken, so it's all right. All in a day's work!
You guys are so profound! Thank you for sharing! You guys are so important to me & I appreciate you so very much!
Bobbie, how are you & Kitty getting along? Ya want us to come down & whoop up on the dockmaster for you?? It would be our pleasure! No body messes with our captain!!!
Hope eveybody is having an easy night!
Love & hugs!
If my wife were to die before me, I don't think I would try to find another wife because no one else would put up with me and understand my 'issues'.
There are times when I feel like saying just through me in a box.
How then would we protect ourselves from the criminals now resident in these nursing homes?
What is the total nursing home population in the US compared to the current prison population?
How much would taxes need to increase for nursing homes and assisted living institutions to have the level of life provided by prisons?
Boy you hit the nail on the head. Its so true. Criminals get so much better attention then our seniors. And its free for them. Thanks for the enlightenment.
Kuli & Sunny, Thank you for your enlightened perspectives. I'll need to refer back to your most recent posts often for it to really sink in. I think we need a "best of" thread for all the truely profound entries.....there have been many.
Rip, How about "Desperate Caregivers" for a show title. I'm a little tired of reality TV that is anything but. Is Desperate Heifers (housewives) real? Are people really like that AFTER highschool? Almost makes me ashamed to be human. Darwin's theory can't be true if this is what we have to show for it after these thousands of years. Too many evolutionary U turns to be more than just a theory. We could show them how REAL reality TV could be.
Rosella, Long ago on one of mom's NH "vacations" I arrived for my visit to find they had moved her into a double room by herself and had taken out the other bed. No one attending told me that mom had screamed "fire" repeatedly in the middle of the night because her roommates TV was flickering. Mom was so proud of herself that she had gotten them to "perform" for her. They tell me there is no dementia but they won't confirm that she's nuts either. That behavior is criminal to the rest of us but OK in mom's little world. All for her amusement. We no longer have assylums here; so what are we to do? All I know to do is shelter people from her as much as possible, but 24/7 care is more than I could bear. Each day as it comes & keep her isolated except from those in her building who know her & her ways. The resentment I have is not being able to do other charitable work while I am at her beck & call. Not much benefit to others while I am in "service to the queen".
Hope all have a pleasant day.
Miz, I'm exhausted too, like you and everyone else! It's so hard to get any good rest. It definitely changes our outlook on life! I hope you can get more rest and feel better soon.Kuli, Mom used to call the bed alarms booby traps in the NH. She hated them because she was always trying to get up and making them ring! I like your B/F's ride in the car solution! Mom and Dad were married just shy of 35 years. He died of a massive heart attack at 54 and left Mom with 2 teenagers still at home. I think having my younger siblings to care for saved her life. I have been with my husband for over 40 years, and it would be a big adjustment if I lost him.
Sunny, your description of AD is spot on! I know Mom gets tired of us telling her what to do and what not to do, and we get just as frustrated with the daily grind of keeping her clean, fed, and safe! I have closed circuit cameras and she is in a wheelchair because of PD. When she gets home from daycare, I leave her alone for a while just to give her and me, some space. It seems to do her good to have that time, makes her calmer. Of course, if she wasn't restrained to the wheelchair, I wouldn't be able to do that. Her mind is so far gone, she can't get into much trouble and the camera allows me to get to her in less than 5 seconds. Love the crap on your head story! Mom has done similar things to me!
Rossella, Hope your Mom forgets about the stove! It's too cold to be without it. Unfortunately she is like my Mom and they get something in their head and they won't let go! maybe she'll get so cold, she'll want the stove back on, that is if she can even know she is cold! My mom never really liked animals when we were all younger. Now she loves cats and dogs and really likes to pet them. The 2 new cats that I took in, roam over to her apartment with me all the time. They like to get close to her for pats on the head. they are really good with her!
Rip, You are so right about not a lot of help for us out there! When I first had to start caring for Mom and getting things coordinated, it was so frustrating! All the phone calls and paperwork and questions that no one had answers for! It's really crazy that there are not more places to go for help and so frustrating when you are looking for answers. This is truly a good place to get lots of info from people who know first hand what to expect and how to deal with all kinds of situations. For now, this is the best we have!
Bobbie, You need to pull a "joke" on that SOB. Payback would be so sweet!!!
Pirate, Love the new you!!! Keep it coming!
Castoff, As Rossella said, even though our moms have gone round the bend, they can still push our buttons and drive us over the edge! Mom kicks, hits, and punches when she is trying to make a point! It's all a part of the disease.
Hope you all have a wonderful day without stress!!!