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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Ted, Don't let your sister or anyone else dictate your self worth. How other's see us is NOT who we are! Folks see the world & judge it through their own pain, neurosies & experience. Please get some rest & you can better deal with this problem afterwards. Your current "job" is taking care of your sister's mother!!!!!! She may be feeling a little guilt & lashing out at you because of it. Often people don't want to "feel" anything.....it disrupts their plans for a numb life.
Happy Tues. caregivers!!! Tenn, Bravo for you girl!!! Yes there is no such thing as an ex-Marine. "Once a Marine, Always a Marine!". Semper Fidelis!!! When I was a child (long ago) on my uncle's farm...my uncle had just finished plowing a field & stopped to talk to my mom. I started climbing on the tractor (little monkey that I was). Mom asked my uncle if it was OK for me to be up there & he assured her it was OK & that he had the key.....well while they chatted this silly little monkey climbed up on the engine cover & grabbed onto the stove pipe for support. The amazing thing is that I still have finger prints! LOL. Considering my childhood I sometimes wonder if mom isn't trying to "pay me back" on occassion. Tractor stories... BGB, Since your mom does all to spite you...have you tried reverse phsycology? I tried it with mine & it worked a few times. If you wish her to do something..ask the opposite! The results may amuse you. Please, you need a break & DON'T feel guilty about a little time for yourself. Have a great vaca!!! HC, Welcome. There are times when a vacation can be a tease of freedom & life. When we return to our real life it is dissapointing. Hard to keep in perspective, but please don't allow yourself to be drawn into that mindset. I've been there & found the best way is to be grateful for the time & revisit in my mind, knowing one day I may return. Our cat "Shutup" leaves what my hub calls "fur turds" all over the house. He's a long haired black cat & no matter how often I brush him...You can keep one of those lint pick-up sticky things near your wardrobe & make a habit of swipping as you dress. Your proffession is a noble one and I thank you for being an integral part of our society. Like Rip, I also miss working & try to do something else meaningful when I can. Ted, Defrag mom..LOL. Wish I could defrag myself also!!! I could get rid of some of my flashbacks! Miz, Yes, we cope any way we can. This group is such a HUGE help. Hope Sassy & Sandy are content again. Sandy may have been afraid you might get him surgery also & took off for a while in fear. Never know what they're thinking & it's probably best we don't. Sometimes Shutup gets soooooo angry with me for no reason at all...just wants to shred me! I don't want to know. LOL Bobbie, You are toooooo funny. Rosella, Very profound. Thank you. Have a blessed day all.
Hey guys, today is really tough on me after all that garbage with my sister yesterday. I didn't sleep at all and just feel like everytime I turn away from someone attacking me, there's someone else in the that direction ready to start getting their own licks in. To make a long and ugly story short and ugly, It started with me finally getting the guts to inquire about some paperwork I have that seems to prove I have not recieved my full share of my father's estate from my sister who is executrix. I honestly consider this money mine, and I desperately need it since I can't get any worthwhile employment in this little town with my responsibilities for mom. I didn't mention my situation, but my sister is fully aware of it, and neither my sister nor my brother help in the least, or even bother to call mom if it isn't her birthday. I was deliberately very careful to be polite and not accuse anyone of anything, Her response was rude and ugly and full of lies. When I wrote back to correct the lies and stand my ground, her response was even worse. She ended by saying this; "If you want to get your finances straight I suggest you stop picking the pockets of your siblings, the old, and the dead and get a job. Save the sob story about hard times to somebody who gives a shit. You are pathetic. Please do not contact me again regarding this matter." So. Here I am trying to remind myself that this is all still the right thing to do, that I am not wrong about any of this, and that whatever she thinks of me isn't the issue. to get down to it, what she thinks of me isn't even any of my business. But, of course I still don't have any answers to my legitimate questions concerning my share of the estate, and I feel like a worthless loser on top of it all. Did I mention I haven't slept?
tenn , so good u have a marines next door ! my brother served in marines . they look mean but kind in the heart . brother holds his head up and walks straight . always .. yes ur dad would get a bigkick out of that tractor , bless the marines heart for takin such good care of it . daughter is comin to do her laundry , need togetbusy here before she gets here . have a wonderful day you all . xoxo
BOBBIE-No such thing as a Ex- MARINE thats what he said. He has this 1963 ford tractor that was bought from us in the 70's and it still runs.Doesn't look like it would but it does.He was driving it on down the road-I couldn't help but laugh.Quiet a difference between it and the new John DEEREs.Tough little bougar.If my dad was alive he would have gotten a big kick out out seeing his old Ford Tractor running.
BGB, I feel like we're on the same page...needing a break so bad. It really starts to weigh on you. But the stress and worries of going away are large. I understand. I wish I had the answer. Respite care is a good idea but I have yet to do it. Can't bring myself to I guess. Do it if you can!! You'll be smarter than me for it. :)
hcarey, welcome to the thread!! What we do is just what you said, we cope. We get away when we can. Take breaks when we can. We vent and vent and vent. This thread is so theraputic. I have been in therapy and really feel that for me a group setting works much better.
Hi Everyone. I really wonder how many people can honestly say they had a good or idealic childhood. I do know that some were much worse than others. So much heartache, confusion, and terror in their childhood for some on this thread. It makes me very sad. Angry too. May you make it through and don't let them win.
Italy,It has to do with moles, rats and rodents of the two legged kind.Trying to put a end to the infestation.Partnered up with a ex-marine with the same love of the land and animals.His marine training helps keep me calm without coming unglued.Todays another day,lets see what it brings.It has been beautiful here in Tenn. but dry. Farmers had some seriously good crops. Cooperate womans crops------laughable and embarrassing.Ring the cow bell time to get up sleepy heads.
Ted, I have seen the photos. It is a very cute village! I know the area because I have hiked everywhere in this region...I went on those beautiful mountains. Yes, people in the villages live practically like 100 years ago (apart from Internet, agricultural mechanization, ATMs... They do not keep money under the mattress anymore!)... But the way of thinking and behaving and living is very traditional. On the other hand, Italian towns are similar to all the other towns of the world. I guess it is the same everywhere... Tennessee, I do not understand very well what you have done (you have talked too "technical" for me) but I understand you have made a move and started to react. Very good for you!
Rossella, Yes! That's it! My Grandfather was from Alvito, and my Grandmother's Maiden Name was Frosinone! I visited Alvito when I was about 7 years old and was delighted to see that the villagers still live in homes carved out of the mountain itself. I hope to go back one day.
Hey everyone,took some control of my life today and it felt good,may have reprocussions-may not-we will see. Lawyer wanted to know why I didn't come in to sign papers I didn't understand-told him,because I'm not stupid.He told me he would work me in,Told him lawyers and judges are not the only busy people-I need notice. Spreading the word on cooperate farming and its ill effects on society. I find not everyone drools over money.Went to heritage festival-gave me some ideas. I find the average person don't care for multi-million dollar corporations.I don't as a rule tell lies,but did some mental warfare to screw up certain peoples thinking,got several concerned phone calls,placed bugs in peoples brains waiting for the domino effect.Took down gates,replaced lockes.Had a little cheering section routing me on.Game wardon was pleased with actions-less work for him now.I wore my black hat today-watch out when the black hat appears. Bobbie are you around-I did good today. I know I left some panties in a wad .
Yes, that's the point! We have to become stronger than them. It's a long path...
Ted, I looked for Alvito on Google maps. It's near Frosinone (south-east of Rome). I live between Roma and Rieti, that is Norther. A friend of mine lives in Posta Fibreno, a village very close to Alvito. Small world!
Very well said! Sorry didn't mean to get that far off of the topic, but actually I am talking about a way to enjoy life when we need a break from all the crap...Im right there with ya on the disfunctional parent and trying not to let it distroy me either. Hugs to ya!
If this is half way through this added stage of this journey after thinking I was past half way earlier, then all I can say is that I'm in previously uncharted water, but currently I've been meeting men who experienced the same sexual abuse I did.
I think my aunt's sons are in deep denial about what happened to them. They are much younger than I am so it will be a while before they hit fifty-three like me. They see nothing sick with putting the face of their children's grandmother on scantily clad Playboy bunnies and nude Playboy cartoon, front covers of Playboy Mags along with her name while having "you are a brick house" played and then saying together that they love their mom and 'mom you are a brick house."
There are two extreme forms of family that are not healthy. In the child centered family, the parents are over involved in their children's lives because that is where they find their emotional fulfillment and why often their marriage ends in divorce with the children leave or are destroyed earlier by an affair. The adult centered family basically abandons the children. The adult directed is much healthier with good boundaries.
Our moms are too old to reboot or defrag, but our challenge is to stop empowering the pain their inflicted upon us as either a living or dead old .
HC, I have wanted try secondlife for a while now! I was a little nervous about it cause I thought that I might get addicted or something, (I seem to have a knack for that). But I'm going to go ahead and give it a try. I'll see you there!
Rosella, Thank you, I have a feeling you guys will have to put up with a lot from me. Are you really in Italy? My Father's family is from a small mountain town near Rome called Alvito. everyone there has the same last name.
Repost without the link ;-) OMG Say HI to Bill! Now that's a man I would like to meet. My first computer was a 386 sx, 20 meg hard drive with Windows 3.1...didn't come with a sound card and I wanted to hear windows go Ta-DA! when you started it up so I went and bought a sound card at a computer show, and they told me what to do, said it was easy! Scared to death I cracked open that case and put in the card, it needed a big shove from my ex to get it to seat properly, but after that....Windows had sound! It said Ta-Da!!! music files were in a format called midi and they sounded like a computer version of your favorite songs! Disco on Midi was wild! LOL Soon after a program caled Onlive Travler came out and we were sitting in virtual worlds as animated cartoon heads that the mouths moved when you talked through your mic and one of our avatars was Bill Gates! I wonder if he ever tried that program?! It looked just like him! WEll now days folks I hang in a program called Secondlife. We are full bodied avatars with working body parts and voice or typing chat in thousands of user created "worlds" you can create yourself or just enjoy and meet people from all over the world! take a peek and if intrested, I have my own beach front property you can come visit! Check it out....membership is free, follow the instructions and install the program log in and enjoy!!!! You can do ANYTHING in Secondlife! ;-) Also this is good therapy for us caregivers as well as the ones we care for provided they can see the computer screen! We have lots of old farts that look like they are 20 something fit and sexy, it is a great way to get out and dance, attend a concert, go to a virtual club and meet people from everywhere, you can also be a creature, whatever your fancy! Get all dressed up and looking young and healthy! I don't recommend a relationship or you will have a nagging spouse on the computer as well as real life! But that happens there as well!
wow, while I was writing my last post, I missed the last ones of you. Reboot our moms! Ah that's a dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And what about rebooting our siblings and all the people that bother us! Hcarey, I am fascinated about the computer world too. I have been very excited when Internet and the e-mails appeared. I understood it was a huge evolution in our life. I am one of those people who get stuck and can't solve a problem on their own, so I think people like you are kind of Gods. But I like to use it anyway, even if I do not know how it works. Ted, Crowe, please stay with us! We need men in this group, and you seem an interesting pair... A pair we do not want to lose!
I just noticed this nazi website removed a post I entered here today...they are incredible...all it was was a link to a really cute story.... had nothing related to caregiving......what &*^(%((*)*^^%$&^()(&^*%'s.
It's newdressaday.com
cute story about a 30 year old girl who was laid off and decided to follow suit to the movie of Julia/Julie and do something everyday and she decided sewing was her bag. She bought dresses for a dollar at Thrift Stores and re-vamped them...check her website out.....for just poor fun for stress release for caregiving.....
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Your current "job" is taking care of your sister's mother!!!!!! She may be feeling a little guilt & lashing out at you because of it. Often people don't want to "feel" anything.....it disrupts their plans for a numb life.
Tenn, Bravo for you girl!!! Yes there is no such thing as an ex-Marine. "Once a Marine, Always a Marine!". Semper Fidelis!!!
When I was a child (long ago) on my uncle's farm...my uncle had just finished plowing a field & stopped to talk to my mom. I started climbing on the tractor (little monkey that I was). Mom asked my uncle if it was OK for me to be up there & he assured her it was OK & that he had the key.....well while they chatted this silly little monkey climbed up on the engine cover & grabbed onto the stove pipe for support. The amazing thing is that I still have finger prints! LOL. Considering my childhood I sometimes wonder if mom isn't trying to "pay me back" on occassion. Tractor stories...
BGB, Since your mom does all to spite you...have you tried reverse phsycology? I tried it with mine & it worked a few times. If you wish her to do something..ask the opposite! The results may amuse you. Please, you need a break & DON'T feel guilty about a little time for yourself. Have a great vaca!!!
HC, Welcome. There are times when a vacation can be a tease of freedom & life. When we return to our real life it is dissapointing. Hard to keep in perspective, but please don't allow yourself to be drawn into that mindset. I've been there & found the best way is to be grateful for the time & revisit in my mind, knowing one day I may return.
Our cat "Shutup" leaves what my hub calls "fur turds" all over the house. He's a long haired black cat & no matter how often I brush him...You can keep one of those lint pick-up sticky things near your wardrobe & make a habit of swipping as you dress.
Your proffession is a noble one and I thank you for being an integral part of our society. Like Rip, I also miss working & try to do something else meaningful when I can.
Ted, Defrag mom..LOL. Wish I could defrag myself also!!! I could get rid of some of my flashbacks!
Miz, Yes, we cope any way we can. This group is such a HUGE help. Hope Sassy & Sandy are content again. Sandy may have been afraid you might get him surgery also & took off for a while in fear. Never know what they're thinking & it's probably best we don't. Sometimes Shutup gets soooooo angry with me for no reason at all...just wants to shred me! I don't want to know. LOL
Bobbie, You are toooooo funny.
Rosella, Very profound. Thank you.
Have a blessed day all.
I was deliberately very careful to be polite and not accuse anyone of anything, Her response was rude and ugly and full of lies. When I wrote back to correct the lies and stand my ground, her response was even worse. She ended by saying this;
"If you want to get your finances straight I suggest you stop picking the pockets of your siblings, the old, and the dead and get a job. Save the sob story about hard times to somebody who gives a shit. You are pathetic.
Please do not contact me again regarding this matter."
So. Here I am trying to remind myself that this is all still the right thing to do, that I am not wrong about any of this, and that whatever she thinks of me isn't the issue. to get down to it, what she thinks of me isn't even any of my business. But, of course I still don't have any answers to my legitimate questions concerning my share of the estate, and I feel like a worthless loser on top of it all.
Did I mention I haven't slept?
yes ur dad would get a bigkick out of that tractor , bless the marines heart for takin such good care of it .
daughter is comin to do her laundry , need togetbusy here before she gets here .
have a wonderful day you all . xoxo
love,
miz
Yup I've had my coffee and if you have a good Marine you have a LOT!!
lovbob
Good. You have the help of the United States Marines! Now we're talking!
WooHoo! I'm all excited for ya!
Back a little later, doing some boat bidness.
lovbob
Yes, people in the villages live practically like 100 years ago (apart from Internet, agricultural mechanization, ATMs... They do not keep money under the mattress anymore!)... But the way of thinking and behaving and living is very traditional.
On the other hand, Italian towns are similar to all the other towns of the world.
I guess it is the same everywhere...
Tennessee, I do not understand very well what you have done (you have talked too "technical" for me) but I understand you have made a move and started to react. Very good for you!
I visited Alvito when I was about 7 years old and was delighted to see that the villagers still live in homes carved out of the mountain itself. I hope to go back one day.
Ted, I looked for Alvito on Google maps. It's near Frosinone (south-east of Rome). I live between Roma and Rieti, that is Norther. A friend of mine lives in Posta Fibreno, a village very close to Alvito. Small world!
Don't worry, I am not going anywhere.
If this is half way through this added stage of this journey after thinking I was past half way earlier, then all I can say is that I'm in previously uncharted water, but currently I've been meeting men who experienced the same sexual abuse I did.
I think my aunt's sons are in deep denial about what happened to them. They are much younger than I am so it will be a while before they hit fifty-three like me. They see nothing sick with putting the face of their children's grandmother on scantily clad Playboy bunnies and nude Playboy cartoon, front covers of Playboy Mags along with her name while having "you are a brick house" played and then saying together that they love their mom and 'mom you are a brick house."
There are two extreme forms of family that are not healthy. In the child centered family, the parents are over involved in their children's lives because that is where they find their emotional fulfillment and why often their marriage ends in divorce with the children leave or are destroyed earlier by an affair. The adult centered family basically abandons the children. The adult directed is much healthier with good boundaries.
Our moms are too old to reboot or defrag, but our challenge is to stop empowering the pain their inflicted upon us as either a living or dead old .
Rosella, Thank you, I have a feeling you guys will have to put up with a lot from me. Are you really in Italy? My Father's family is from a small mountain town near Rome called Alvito. everyone there has the same last name.
OMG Say HI to Bill! Now that's a man I would like to meet. My first computer was a 386 sx, 20 meg hard drive with Windows 3.1...didn't come with a sound card and I wanted to hear windows go Ta-DA! when you started it up so I went and bought a sound card at a computer show, and they told me what to do, said it was easy! Scared to death I cracked open that case and put in the card, it needed a big shove from my ex to get it to seat properly, but after that....Windows had sound! It said Ta-Da!!! music files were in a format called midi and they sounded like a computer version of your favorite songs! Disco on Midi was wild! LOL Soon after a program caled Onlive Travler came out and we were sitting in virtual worlds as animated cartoon heads that the mouths moved when you talked through your mic and one of our avatars was Bill Gates! I wonder if he ever tried that program?! It looked just like him! WEll now days folks I hang in a program called Secondlife. We are full bodied avatars with working body parts and voice or typing chat in thousands of user created "worlds" you can create yourself or just enjoy and meet people from all over the world! take a peek and if intrested, I have my own beach front property you can come visit! Check it out....membership is free, follow the instructions and install the program log in and enjoy!!!! You can do ANYTHING in Secondlife! ;-)
Also this is good therapy for us caregivers as well as the ones we care for provided they can see the computer screen! We have lots of old farts that look like they are 20 something fit and sexy, it is a great way to get out and dance, attend a concert, go to a virtual club and meet people from everywhere, you can also be a creature, whatever your fancy! Get all dressed up and looking young and healthy! I don't recommend a relationship or you will have a nagging spouse on the computer as well as real life! But that happens there as well!
www
newdressaday
.com
Hcarey, I am fascinated about the computer world too. I have been very excited when Internet and the e-mails appeared. I understood it was a huge evolution in our life. I am one of those people who get stuck and can't solve a problem on their own, so I think people like you are kind of Gods. But I like to use it anyway, even if I do not know how it works.
Ted, Crowe, please stay with us! We need men in this group, and you seem an interesting pair... A pair we do not want to lose!
It's newdressaday.com
cute story about a 30 year old girl who was laid off and decided to follow suit to the movie of Julia/Julie and do something everyday and she decided sewing was her bag. She bought dresses for a dollar at Thrift Stores and re-vamped them...check her website out.....for just poor fun for stress release for caregiving.....
Jesus...really Aging Care....