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Crowe, what a good and deep analysis! If you can see things so clearly, you are already half way out of the mess! It is incredible to think on which kind of ground we had to grow, trying to become different from our parents and live the most decent life we could. I remember a person told me once "we are all abandoned children", and in one way or another, it is true for many many people (to various degrees and extents) On the other hand, you know very well what happens if you grow up your children paying them "too much" attention, giving them everything they want, forgetting yourself for them (that is, exactly the contrary of the way we were grown up). You know that parents can cause a lot of damage to their children even when they "overcare" for them! It is so difficult to find the right way to grow a child. (I have no children btw and I find it difficult to grow my dogs, too...) Sometimes parents do their best and the result is awful (because they have their own unresolved problems). Sometimes parents do not do their best, and the result is awful, too.... I think that we, as a whole, are making a good job. We are trying to understand ourselves and where we come from. We are trying to deal with our inadequate parents (whether they are alive or dead.... I am still solving my problems with my father who died 15 years ago. So I guess he can't be peaceful where he is. He keeps "hearing" me complaining and mumbling "Pa, why did you do this to me?" Our controversial dialogue will never stop. Many of us take care of parents who have neglected us, and though we clean their asses (forgive me if I am blunt), and we are depressed, we have moments of rebellion... This is why I think we are making a good job. Just the fact that we try not to get overwhelmed by our childhood problems, to grow-ourselves-up, in other words to be the parents of ourselves, as we did not have real parents, it's a good result in our life. I think we have to give value to ourselves, in spite of all the dark moments! Any method is welcome - from writing songs to writing books to take a good walk, anything that gives us some release, is welcome... It's not easy to talk about these things in a language which is not one's own, so I am sorry if I have been foggy. Anyhow, us "children of the darkness". (Austin, it does not depend on the generation!).. A big hug and lots of love to all of you. Castoff, Miz, I love St Francis. He was a man who had really understood everything about life. Have you read his "Chant of creatures?" I saw a good English translation. He was a Christian Pantheist!!!!! St Francis has helped me many many times. Alberto is part of his peaceful army, now...
Reboot Mom!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO Ya know I think if we just put together a sugar pill to fix them all and tell them it will fix them that would do the trick! I don't think I shared on this board about the back pain roll on Mom swore by?! She just had to have MORE!!!! so when I looked at the bottle it was roll on deodorant!!! oh and then while vacationing 2 weekends ago she woke up and was complaining about the pain in her leg, (Somehow a hole developed in her leg, probably from messing with it 20 times a day) anyway she insisted on pain pill, so I got out her pain pill, bladder pill and poop pill and fell back to sleep....woke up a few hours later and she had only taken the poop pill! And she slept like a baby!!!!!!! Power of the mind!!! This must be how those infomercials make millions!!! I know cause beofre I took her debit card away she used to buy them all! :-)
HC! Where have you been all my computerized life? Love your take on it all! Fun & funny! I have several old systems with dementia .... & to think Mr Bill Gates lives a few miles from me!
NP....I bought a computer to connect to a college library...all I wanted at first was a word processor for doing homework since I decided to back to school long after my younger years! This was when connecting to the internet was more of a black screen and you kinda of needed to know what to type...no pretty windows, or point and click. AOL was just getting started and only sold at Sears....my husband at the time insisted on a computer not knowing about the online world I was about to discover. Well connecting to the college was confusing and black, but I remebered in the back of a computer weekly publication it said something about BBS'es and you could "Dial in" So I decided to try a local number and see what happened. Still black windows, but the text was colorful! Once I saw letter appearing on my desktop monitor and I knew that was a person like me sitting at their computer typing away and typing to ME! I was hooked! Now mind you my current marriage was in bad shape and I was trying to stay clean and going to go to school to help fix the sick drug addicts while my current husband kept drinking. Well.....life changed and my love for computers got stronger, and then I met my current husband on a local "Chat board" back then we used to meet at local places once a week and would get to see who we were talking with online in person and the next thing I knew I was with my current husband, starting a new life and eventually a new career! It started out as a hobby, and since I loved it so much and was good at it It became my job! So its been 15 years or so and I still love helping people with their computer issues. My favorite trouble call is when I walk into the person office or they bring me their broken computer and I touch it and it works again! People say OMG how come it works now?!?! I say....I wave my magic wand and it knows better than to mess with me! LOL ANyone can learn how to make them work. The main thing is to not give up when it dosen't do what you want it to do! If it is supposed to do a certian thing and it isn't working then you either forgot an important step, it is stuck somehow, or your doing the wrong thing to it and you need to walk away from the machine for a few minutes...usually this will cause a "light" to go on in your head and when you try it again it works, or you realize what you were trying to do was not correct and you somehow stumble on to doing the right thing! It's a machine built by humans that do tasks that humans program it to do, so eventually if you don't give up, you figure it out or it fixes itself...remember when all elese fails....restart your computer! Windows can get dementia if you don't shut it off once in a while, its a memory issue!!! LOL but true!
My uncle was a Programmer from about 1974 to when all of the sudden you just didn't need them anymore....Lovely. Out you go! He bought a locksmith business and likes it!
HA! More similarties Ted! I've run a one lady sign shop for 25 years! Slowed down after the economy tanked & Dad grew frail. I still design & produce ... but not as I'd like to.
I wish I knew more about your skill, HC! What an amazing world technology is ~ & you understand it! Hats off to you! How long have you been doing it? Sorry to be nosy .. just interested & impressed!
Nope. Haven't got a clue what you're talking about but I can find my way around basic email and things like this. I think some people just have an understanding of tech and some don't. i was actually a well-employed NYC graphic artist at one time, and had to go into visual merchandising, signage and props when the computers took over and every front desk secratary became an in-house art department.
I work for a large ambulance company and I am their IT lady! Every ambulance has a laptop that connects to the internet and our dispatch center. This is how they get the calls to come pick up patients and how they create a patient care report for the hospitals. I am on call 24/7 and I have to keep them furnished with working laptops, as well as the office folks computers and some other agencys that use our laptop and dispatch system. These devices speed up the response time and tell them how to get to the call as well as capture critical data. Infact Mom fell not that long ago and it was a great feeling to be able to see our technology at work. Mom was ok, and thinks hitting her head is causing her to remember better...but I will say this, we are so lucky to have technology as it is today. We have seen huge improvements from helping people in need, connecting people and alowing us to all share and communicate like never before! BTW I met my current husband of 14 years of marriage on a local computer chat board when a 14.4 modem was high speed! They called those BBS's in those days! Anyone know what I am talking about?! :-)
"Everybody Farts". Granted. No, I meant it. I came from an abusive background; sexually, physically, mentally, and emotionally family, and am to all unfortunate intents, and lack of purposes still in it. Part of my coping is contempt. I really don't like men much AND have very little reason too. I do know there are lots of decent men out there and not all are the sicko perverted hygienically challenged ones I have know in my pathetic life, and it is stupid to lump any entire group of people together and pass judgment. It is a knee jerk reaction. And the God crap won't work for me personally either, it is amazing how much harm gets through that buckler against innocent and vulnerable children from an all seeing all knowing all controlling God. Everyone has there trouble and it sounds like Crowe got a good whopping dose of warped demented mothering as well. I am sorry for that. I can see where you are coming from now. Lots of people who had really sweet, happy childhoods just don't get it. And now we are care givers for those who inflicted such unkindness and insanity on us when we were most vulnerable. You pass it on or pass it back. I choose not to be the tyrant. But I also choose to be snipping, bitter and full of contempt. Maybe it is harder to serve the food warm when one is so bitterly cold but that is my choice. I too "pray" this all ends soon. And unlike many people, bad news (in regards to him) is good news for me. Here is to "good news".
Hey Lady ~ HC You are so right at home with us!!! Let it out & don't hold bacK! Nothing is typical, yet nothing is off limits. You'll be amazed how many are with you.
You mentioned a dark uniform ... you're lucky to be able to escape to work, for what thats worth. What work do you do? Where in this world are you?
You might be on the street next to me & we'd never know it. Hope you will enjoy all of us & welcome aboard!
I like that HCAREY Selective Dementia! that's my grandmother for real. I feel just like you do sometimes if it wasn't for my husband and work bing the buffer. i'd be in a stright jacket.
Thanks for the warm welcome, I keep hearing from folks how Im such a good daughter for taking her in and all, but I really don't feel like I am the best person for this job. I suffer from depression which has gotten really bad since she moved it, tolerance levels are very low, I love my job and it keeps me somewhat sane at times, but now I don't want to leave! I gotta come to work just to get some rest! Now with a med change to "Help me" cope, im in worse shape, it makes me feel sick and cramps in my lower back don't want to stop, Headache, tired and now my tolerance levels for her issues are drifting away again. We just did a vacation getaway 2 weekends ago and had a really good time with my daughter and mother, but poof that's gone! When I can't be "ON" and happy all the time she starts talking about her abusive ex and her dreams about him stating she would never go back, but at the same time you can tell she is full of it and just wants to manipulate me to take her shopping for shit she already has and dosen't need, nor can she see so shopping is not a fun experience for either one of us. This has been a monthly to every 2 week pattern for almost a year now and a few weeks back I said NO MORE!!! I realize that dementia is a big part, but right now it sure is selective dementia!!! Just got her on the prozac again and started aricept. Went to the doctor for my issues dealing with this, and was hopeful for a little while, but as you can tell.....It's NOT working! Just tell me this.... Is this typical for caregivers and if so why would a person keep doing this? Or is it just me and Im a messed up depressed woman who can't handle being a Mom to her mother???
i had the drama weekend of the century, my husband was out of town. now this is what we try and do if we can help it, one of us will try and be at home with her. while no one could be there with her every moment it became a problem. on saturday i was in and out all day. here's the things, as i came and went, she would say: you back, i would say yah but gotta go again. but when i came home to the last time, she notice i put the car up. then i got. so you decide to bring your A-- home. i'm going to tell your husband you've been running the street. See now i have a problem because now she want to fight with me. that's my reason for thinking a lot of her in Drama and she know what it is shes doing and saying, i'm like you HCAREY whatever you tell her not to do is what she will do. then act just like she don't know what your talking about. anyway continuing with yesterday. Around 4pm she she i'm going to bed. ok, about an hour and half later, i hear this knoking on the wall, i go to see whats going on she in the bed with the remote hitting it on the wall when i ask what is it you need, she can't get out of bed and need my help.i told her you can get up if you really want too. about 15mins. late here she comes walking out the room. she wants attention all the time. she 2years old and theres a new baby in house you would think, i need a break bad, the only break i get is coming to work, i thinking about going to see a friend in Mem.Ten the week before thanksgiving if no one steps up i will be putting her in a respite care, and i don't understand why my heart is so heavy about it. it's all about the what if factor.
hcary ! welcome to this area . have ya thought about shaving the dog ? lol . i have to sweep every other day cuz of my long hair white cat , the floor will looks like snow if i dont sweep as often . im not a perfect suzy home maker either , but if i see hair believe me the sweeper will come out and suck up anything . yeah mom s gotta do something , beter than sit and do nothing , bless your heart for looking after ur mom . mine passed away 21 yrs ago and i do realy miss her . i have dad here he s 87 yrs old , he s a sweet heart . well sometimes he is , most ofthe time he is . he can be a bear if he wanna . take care !! supper time , woo hoo ...
Oh I just thought of one more thing when reading your posts Ted...My Mom will sometimes hang up the clothes I left in the dryer...seems like a nice thing to do, and is much appreciated, however everytime I let her do that my clothes are covered in Blonde dog hair!. Nothing worse than putting on a dark blue uniform and have it covered in dog hair! The grossest part is if she is covered in it and my rugs, so is her bedroom, clothes, everything she touches gets hair on it! Once she does go, Im going to have to have the house defurred EVERYWHERE!!!!!!! My dog is fluffy, but don't leave tons of hair everywhere like her dog! I don't like to sound so bitchy, but when Im not feeling good it is hard to not let her discusting habbits bother me!
Arg is right! I'm so lucky to have a content & lucid dad who cares about me. I really miss working tho ... Are you able to leave the house often, or is it too risky? I break out for groceries & the ocfcassional walk in the woods, but other than those few hours a a week I hate leaving him alone. He becomes frustrated if he can't work the TV or razor ... little things really are a huge issue for him.
I live in a small coastal North Carolina tourist town. It would cost me more per hour than I could make working if I were to hire a sitter for her, and she would hate it and make everything even more difficult. Arg.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I think that we, as a whole, are making a good job. We are trying to understand ourselves and where we come from. We are trying to deal with our inadequate parents (whether they are alive or dead.... I am still solving my problems with my father who died 15 years ago. So I guess he can't be peaceful where he is. He keeps "hearing" me complaining and mumbling "Pa, why did you do this to me?" Our controversial dialogue will never stop. Many of us take care of parents who have neglected us, and though we clean their asses (forgive me if I am blunt), and we are depressed, we have moments of rebellion... This is why I think we are making a good job. Just the fact that we try not to get overwhelmed by our childhood problems, to grow-ourselves-up, in other words to be the parents of ourselves, as we did not have real parents, it's a good result in our life. I think we have to give value to ourselves, in spite of all the dark moments! Any method is welcome - from writing songs to writing books to take a good walk, anything that gives us some release, is welcome...
It's not easy to talk about these things in a language which is not one's own, so I am sorry if I have been foggy.
Anyhow, us "children of the darkness". (Austin, it does not depend on the generation!).. A big hug and lots of love to all of you.
Castoff, Miz, I love St Francis. He was a man who had really understood everything about life. Have you read his "Chant of creatures?" I saw a good English translation. He was a Christian Pantheist!!!!! St Francis has helped me many many times. Alberto is part of his peaceful army, now...
Rebooting your mom!
Wouldn't we all love to?
good luck!
Where have you been all my computerized life?
Love your take on it all! Fun & funny!
I have several old systems with dementia ....
& to think Mr Bill Gates lives a few miles from me!
ANyone can learn how to make them work. The main thing is to not give up when it dosen't do what you want it to do! If it is supposed to do a certian thing and it isn't working then you either forgot an important step, it is stuck somehow, or your doing the wrong thing to it and you need to walk away from the machine for a few minutes...usually this will cause a "light" to go on in your head and when you try it again it works, or you realize what you were trying to do was not correct and you somehow stumble on to doing the right thing! It's a machine built by humans that do tasks that humans program it to do, so eventually if you don't give up, you figure it out or it fixes itself...remember when all elese fails....restart your computer! Windows can get dementia if you don't shut it off once in a while, its a memory issue!!! LOL but true!
The recent releases are better than before ~ but with many graphic artists & computer techies ~
We need to create!
I've run a one lady sign shop for 25 years! Slowed down after the economy tanked & Dad grew frail.
I still design & produce ... but not as I'd like to.
A talented bunch we are!
What an amazing world technology is ~ & you understand it! Hats off to you!
How long have you been doing it?
Sorry to be nosy .. just interested & impressed!
Try it ... might like it. You can offer little yet receive alot.
Use a phony name.
We have fun photos ... I like being able to share the animal's pics whom I mention too often.
you're right ....
what's a girl to do?
I can think of a feew things but it would mean abandoning my ethics & being selfish. Vacation?
No Rip, i'm not on facebook, that stuff scares me for some reason. Guess i'm just an old man.
HC
You are so right at home with us!!!
Let it out & don't hold bacK!
Nothing is typical, yet nothing is off limits.
You'll be amazed how many are with you.
You mentioned a dark uniform ... you're lucky to be able to escape to work, for what thats worth.
What work do you do? Where in this world are you?
You might be on the street next to me & we'd never know it.
Hope you will enjoy all of us & welcome aboard!
What's a girl too do?
Look what you started!!!
Thanks!
Are you on Face Book?
My friends here convinced me to join! It's fun!
Whats a girl too do.
have ya thought about shaving the dog ? lol .
i have to sweep every other day cuz of my long hair white cat , the floor will looks like snow if i dont sweep as often . im not a perfect suzy home maker either , but if i see hair believe me the sweeper will come out and suck up anything .
yeah mom s gotta do something , beter than sit and do nothing ,
bless your heart for looking after ur mom . mine passed away 21 yrs ago and i do realy miss her . i have dad here he s 87 yrs old , he s a sweet heart . well sometimes he is , most ofthe time he is . he can be a bear if he wanna .
take care !! supper time , woo hoo ...
I'm so lucky to have a content & lucid dad who cares about me. I really miss working tho ...
Are you able to leave the house often, or is it too risky? I break out for groceries & the ocfcassional walk in the woods, but other than those few hours a a week I hate leaving him alone. He becomes frustrated if he can't work the TV or razor ... little things really are a huge issue for him.
To think he was a powerful man once upon a time ~
I'm forever fascinated how similar we all are & how far away we are from each other.
Are you able to work while caring for her?