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In this cargiver club we all seem to be in, we can agree on one thing. It is difficult. I won't share my situation, but I am at burnout and trying to figure out my next steps. I have seen too much illness and despair in my late 60's. We must do the best we can, make decisions that are right for us as each situation is like a fingerprint, all different. If there is a feeling, I promise you I have had it from gratefulness to resentment. I do my best to be the best I can be and when I am not my best, I do not linger there. When I do finally make myself first again, I promise I will not feel guilty, because I have done my best. I wish all of you...love, peace, and the knowledge you are special, you are human, and your needs matter too. Good luck. Kelly
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God bless all of you first of all. There are many good postings in which will not remove this resentment feeling in which we have suddenly or most of us will be faced with of aging loved family members. I am a mid 60 yr old new grandma to be and I fear this resentment we all have will haunt my time experiencing our new grandchild with mother-in-law constantly calling and when she is not in the limelight of her nursing home activities and her abundance of visitors she has endured. Mother-in-law will call complaining doldrums' of nobody visits her in the nursing homes. Maybe a cell phone shouldn't be so available in the homes. It is very cumbersome on my and my husband's marriage. We visit her often as we can however it will never be good enough, she does often engage in bible study but at same time she will complain. She has her noise in all of our business and is like a PA system announcing and sharing everyone's every day life events. Who ever would of thought the next face of our growing old parents who are fortunate to be blessed to still be alive after a stroke and and still feel that this is not what they want a nursing home and they are all alone. Which we get it, they are venting because they don't want to be in the nursing home. No one does, but so hard to understand when they or some have endured so many blessings in life where many are not, or younger children or tragedies have taken manys life's. We all are normal and it is ok to feel how we do, I know human individuals are not able to deal with death, maybe this is a stage before death that none of us are supposed to deal with? I recently seen a saying an a older women smiling it was so true, this is what it read "Do not regret growing older it is a privilege denied many. Than following it was another phrase " Happiness is able to enjoy little things in life".
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@Calister1

I agree with you about the cellphone being so readily available in the nursing homes and memory cares. People had freedom when phones had a cord. You don't have to take every call from your MIL and shouldn't. You and your husband do as much as you can for her. She can't be allowed to ruin your lives with her constant need for attention and complaining.

Congratulations on the new grand baby. Enjoy this time. In fact, you and your husband should set aside one or two days a week where you do not take any calls from your MIL. Just let them go to voicemail. If the nursing home needs to reach you for some reason on those days, they will not be calling from her cellphone.
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BobbyJoe you are to be commended for your commitment to care for your wife your decision to be her caregiver is very loving. A faithful man of God prayed : Teach us how to count our days so that we may acquire a heart of wisdom. Pray earnestly to God to show you how to count your days wisely so that you can use your remaining days with your loved one in the best way possible. This will take good planning, learn not to turn anyone’s help away. Perhaps you can make a list of projects new hobbies you would like to embark upon and seek ways that you can enjoy those new experiences. Resentment affects our emotional state it can make you feel as if your have been crippled although realistically you have not. However feelings of resentment is an understandable consequence of losing your mobility and the freedom to live your life doing the things that you love or would like to experience but harboring resentment will damage your mental and physical health. Ask yourself why did I choose to be my spouse’s caregiver if your motive is sincerely a good one you will have no regrets but it’s important that you make your need for peace and happiness a part of the equation.
Rather than be resentful cultivate the hope that you will discover ways that you can honor your decision to care for spouse until it’s no longer reasonable for you to do so while yet enjoying activities that refresh you and bring more meaning to your life. Life is precious and so is yours all of us should ask God to teach us how to use our days in a way that not only bring us peace and joy but also Gods smile of approval. Best wishes.
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Calister1 (below), you've written before, for over a year, about your MIL's incessant pestering of you. Block her number on your phone so that she can't call you. Let your husband deal with her; she's his mother, not yours. He can decide how much he wants to hear from her, and how much he wants to ignore her. You also don't have to visit her. Let him go by himself, while you enjoy time with your new grandchild, or whatever else brings you happiness. You know your MIL is safe and that she gets plenty of visitors, so don't let her guilt-trip you. Free yourself. You deserve peace.

Sorry to intrude on the original discussion, but for some reason I couldn't reply to Calister's comment. But to connect it to BobbieJoe's original comment, this is an example of how resentment can build up if you don't take action. BobbieJoe, you've had lots of good suggestions on how to help yourself and your wife move forward with your new reality. I hope you will start with some first steps and keep us posted on how you and your wife are doing as time goes by.
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Was in same sit for years- i had to find my own interests that lead to new friendships. Try a travel group that does day trips or longer. When my spouse passed i realized i had shut my life down for the last 15 years and was horrified at the time lost. You’ve got to continue to live even if on your own.
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