My spouse needs me to be around because she is weak and has balance issues after a stroke. I had hopes of traveling in my retirement, but she is not willing to travel with me. She just wants to sit at home all day. We get out to dinner on occasion, but other than that we just stay home. I have become very resentful of her for not taking care of herself and having regular checkups and now her health has suffered from it. If anyone else has been in this situation please tell me how you handled it.
in the meantime you can take her to an adult day center a few days a week so you can do things locally. Or hire a paid caregiver for some time each week so you can get out.
And try to invite friends over for lunch or dinner, to visit with both of you. You can get pizza, takeout, grocery prepared food, or DoorDash, if cooking is too much nów.
And just FYI, my late husband had a massive stroke at the age of 48 and the doctors could find no reason that he had it as he was in good health overall. They finally blamed it on the fact that he was at that time a smoker.
So I cared for my husband for 24 1/2 years out of our 26 year marriage. And he too especially as he got older felt more comfortable staying at home and not venturing out other than to the doctors.
But I like you am a goer and a doer, so I made sure that I still was able to meet friends for lunch or supper, go to church, go see my children and grandchildren, and get out when I wanted or needed to. And my husband never tied to stop me or make me feel guilty as he knew how important these things were to me.
And in your case if you're not able to leave your wife by herself then you're going to have to hire aides to come sit with her while you get out and do things that bring you joy.
And if that means hiring aides for her so you can travel, well so be it. Or better yet, hire aides that will travel with you and your wife so she can perhaps even go on some smaller trips.
There's not need for resentment here as this is your wife, the woman you supposedly love and married years ago.
I'm guessing if the tables were turned and it was you that had a stroke that your wife would be standing strong at your side and doing whatever she could to help make your life easier and more enjoyable, and that she wouldn't for one minute feel any kind of resentment.
Just some food for thought.
It is sadly unfortunate for your wife that you feel like you do...
I would recommend hiring CNAs for the times that you would like to go out ...
It might be a nice change for your wife as well.
It's rich to see you casting judgement on your poor wife from up on your high horse! Resentful of her health issues when it could easily be YOU in her shoes and then what? Then you'd likely be expecting her to wait on you hand and foot and to be putting her expectations of traveling in retirement on hold, huh?
You "handle" this situation in either of 2 ways. You divorce your wife and leave her alone so you can go traveling to your hearts content or you hire a part time caregiver for your wife so you can get out of the house a bit.
Old age comes with health issues for all of us. Right now, it's your wife's turn. When it's your turn, you can choose to be single and living that lifestyle or be in a loving relationship where you lean on one another in times of need. Your choice.
Another question, how long ago was your wife's stroke? If it was recent, please note it can take time to recover. Hopefully she is going to physical therapy with your encouragement.