Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
5 6 7 8 9
Don’t jump in head first because it’s a monster that develops tentacles. 4 times for me and I do my best but now know my limitations.
(5)
Report

Don't divvy up duties: hire one person to take care of everything then keep an eye on them to make sure all is going well. Visit regularly but otherwise walk away.
(7)
Report

Remind yourself daily…this too shall pass
(8)
Report

I would say:

Hi Blamed: your LO will lie to you, about you, will try to destroy your reputation, will try to find allies, will try to take away anything positive about you and turn it into something bad (a false accusation; something you never did), because this way, you look bad. Not an inch of good.

In fact, the way it's described here looks like the behavior of an enemy. Be warned.
(11)
Report

You do not have to do this. Really think
(17)
Report

I would tell myself, be careful when choosing in-home caregivers; this, more than anything, will determine how much you can relax. Bad/dishonest caregivers = enormous stress/worry.
(5)
Report

I grew up as an unwanted child and thought I found a family, but all they saw in me was a caregiver. My desire for love was a bonus to them to be used as manipulation.
(10)
Report

I would tell myself to make the best of the time before it got to this stage, and I would have lived more.
(13)
Report

Document everything. Beware of those coming out of the closet for the $. Think as though you were the person receiving the care. Self-care is very important.
(6)
Report

I guess I would remind myself of some things I'd already learned from other experiences : 1) No matter how much and convincingly they advertise that help is out there somewhere, do not count on finding help from healthcare or other professionals. More often than not, we must be our own saviors and help ourselves. 2) While caregiving, you must focus so entirely on the patient that you forget about your needs. At this time of crisis, what matters is only the person you are trying to save.
(11)
Report

Don’t do it!!!! Say no with no guilty feelings. It will drain you physically, emotionally and cause severe anxiety!
(25)
Report

Poodle: you wrote:
“You never hear a caregiver saying, “My health improved dramatically, with all the stress and hours of helping.””

Challenge accepted.
(7)
Report

Go into it with no expectations cause it will never be what you expect and definitely don't expect any thank-yous or well dones.
(15)
Report

WATCH OUT!!!
Your siblings will make this nightmare even more nightmarish.
(23)
Report

Be calm. Know that its right for you to take care of yourself
and be creative and kind to yourself and others in so doing. Blessings.
(9)
Report

Things never get better, they only get worse!
(15)
Report

You never hear a caregiver saying, “My health improved dramatically, with all the stress and hours of helping.”

Be the first.
(11)
Report

Because you care, you’ll keep worrying. But don’t put your life on hold: time lost, is lost forever.
(11)
Report

Have a Plan B.
Start with Plan B.
(20)
Report

Run, Forest, Run!
(23)
Report

“Save your heart and hire someone.”
(13)
Report

There are times when helping your LOs will be very hard; it's OK, you're trying your best. Now try your best for you.
(11)
Report

Run for your life.
(13)
Report

You have a good heart. But please, protect your happiness, peace - in other words, protect your good heart.
(12)
Report

Know your limitations.
Expect the unexpected.
Plan, but as you do so, understand that "God" or "Fate" is laughing as you do so.
(4)
Report

I would have moved to another state years ago so I didn’t have to deal with my mother. She is extremely intelligent and manipulative and blames me for everything . She is 91 and very healthy but physically unable to get around so in assisted living. My husband and I have pledged to zero life saving medications or life lengthening medications for ourselves in order to not get her age.
(15)
Report

1 -- Don't expect to reason with a broken brain.
2 -- Don't expect to hear please and thank you; consider it a gift when you do.
3 -- Don't expect others to support you.
(24)
Report

Be cautious of others' intentions in your life. Some people only love you for what you do for them (or for the future caregiving they intend for you to provide.)
(15)
Report

That validating your decisions and listening to your truth and boundaries is number one.

Don't let the people you take care of, invalidate you. This journey is going to be more difficult than you could imagine. Things will change and you will learn more about yourself and your loved one that you sometimes care to, but do your best to find a healthy outlet, set up boundaries, and learn how to be there for them and show up for yourself.

You are doing your best, there isn't a manual for this. Sometimes, often, you will be the enemy even though you are doing the right things and protecting them. Keep your head up, the love is still there. Remember what you can control and concentrate on that.

Breathe, do mindfulness to emotionally regulate yourself and get some more tlc and therapy to help you along the way. It isn't your job to fix them, just help when and how you can. Boundaries=love, no matter how the other person sees it.
(12)
Report

One last thing I’d say to myself: Poodle, no one else will save you! You must do it yourself!
(11)
Report

5 6 7 8 9
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter