The summer of 1991 my grandmother had a massive stroke. My aunt moved in to help my mom give my grandmother 24/7 care. After a few days they had to have a family meeting about the future of her care. The siblings were very against placing her in a nursing home, but my mom and aunt were exhausted. It was time. Less than 9 years later mom bought another house, locked the doors to her old home and left. It's been 34 years since my grandmother slept in that room, but some of her furniture is still there, decaying, but mom refuses to deal with it. Other rooms have quilts, bedding, furniture, appliances, and a lot of trash. The floor has collapsed and it is no longer safe to even open the front door. Mom's most recent home was full of such trash it took a team of us months to go through and get rid of hoarded rubbish. Mom knows that her most recent home has been sold and the money used for her care and that all the trash was taken to the dump. She refuses to even consider us touching her old house. Today mom brought up how upset she is that I might have done something with her belongings. Hoarding is one of the weirdest, sickest ailments ever to strike a family. I cannot imagine being 85 and being mad someone would throw out stinking, decaying 1980s Happy Meal boxes. I'm determined to leave my kids very little to have to sift through beyond pictures and heirlooms.
Her house (the one she locked up and left) is likely now completely taken over by critters and dry rot. Most likely it's not even safe to walk through.
Around here, a house like that would be condemned and probably bulldozed. Then all she'd have is the land value.
Sometimes we kids have to step up and be the mean parent. Maybe that's what you will have to do. The sale of the land would net you some funds for her care.
You might benefit from talking to a therapist who treats hoarders so that you can identify and uphold healthy boundaries with her. I'm with you in that I'm starting to downsize our house. My husband leaves on 2 trips twice a year for 2 weeks and that's when I go through the collections of stuff that even our kids do not want, and sometimes the thrift stores don't even want. He never misses or asks about the stuff I've made disappear.
I have to say , I’d probably bulldoze it down and sell the land .
Or sell it as is and let the buyer bulldoze it. I wouldn’t want to go in that house . But that’s me . I hate clutter to begin with .
”As is” is a very valid way to sell a property, should you ever be in the position of selling that original house on her behalf. Don’t put in the work and expense of cleaning it up, just list it “as is.”
If it reaches the point of inheriting it, you can refuse to accept an inheritance.
One neighbor might be a full-on hoarder. I know because I sometimes help by taking the family's dogs out when the family is away, so I've seen the inside of their house, and because I see how much stuff the neighbor buys every week.
I don't buy much, and I regularly declutter. Like you, I don't want to burden my children.