I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
the only consolation i ever had was trying to depict the ( asian or indian ) phone solicitor working at gunpoint . still excruciatingly annoying but with at least a grain of humor .
govt isnt fixing it because govt caused it ; obama / india / promise of jobs .
This afternoon I had both my parents scheduled for their *every 6 month* eye appointments. I was in such a panic that my sig other called and cancelled the appointments... oh what a relief that was, the stress light switch went off. I get panic attacks when driving, and plus I am dealing with a kidney stone so I am drinking a lot of water. The though of driving and sitting in a doctor's office for hours.... it's a huge practice, like an assembly line, one test here and sit, another test there and sit, sit and wait for the eye doctor, and remember I have two parents so I am jockeying between the two. I just didn't have it in me today :(
It is how my Dad reacted that made me want to spit nails. Sig other called my Dad to tell him the appointments were cancelled because I wasn't feeling well. First thing Dad said "the eye doctor is going to charge us", "we need to go to the eye doctor" "Mom needs news lenses".... nothing, absolutely nothing about I hope she feels better.... [sigh].
That's it, put a fork in me, I am done. The only doctor's offices I will see will be for MY OWN appointments that I have put off for over a year.... heck, I haven't seen my own eye doctor in 1.5 years and here I have my own age related eye issues. What was I thinking? Yes, I know, I wasn't thinking because GUILT was clouding it over.
My parents think that because I am able to work that my health is good. Work is my "sanity", it's my "vacation", and it's close enough that I could walk to the office if I had to. The stress at work is different, I can call for outside help and it is welcomed.
So anyway, I have an almost unnatural desire to make some peanut brittle of all things. I don't know who close by has raw peanuts, but I may have to succumb to the roasted peanuts and go for it....more sugar, the last thing I need but for some reason i want to do it.
The neighbors dog has no shelter other than the three bales of pine straw I got her the end of the week, which she loved, but which is now soaked so I may need to make another run and get some more and put it in a large heavy plastic type storage container and make her a shelter. I have checked with the neighbors and they told me go for it...they don't seem to care that their dog is subjected to this horrid weather but it will help me rest better so I may as well do it....
I have started trying my best to donate a lot of my and my Mama's clothes that I know we will never wear again and make room for things we actually need. I have made some progress, but it is so hard, especially to let Mama's clothes go ...I feel like I'm doing something wrong...but she will never wear these things again and we are out of room and hopefully others can use them so I guess it's ok to donate them...is it normal to be doing this now??? I feel so guilty......
It seems like sons don't feel guilty until the final chapter is closed and then they wish they could have done more. I notice that with my sig other, he let his sister-in-law, his ex-wife, and at that time their college aged daughter take care of his parents. He, his brother, and his son just sat back and watched. Years after the fact, now he is saying he wished he could have helped financially more to his parents care. And he has a daughter who is still bitter 15 years later that she couldn't go to the college of her choice, she had to chose a local college so she could be nearby to care for Grandma. She will never get that time frame back.
I am glad I can be here for Mama, but it has taken a huge toll on me as well. And I look and more importantly, FEEL, like I have aged 10 years over the course of the past three.
Since being my parents wheels, getting panic attacks driving, stressing out and feeling guilty, I gotten breast cancer and the doctor was baffled why I had gotten it as there were no markers... I told her about my caregiving, as limited as it was, for my parents... she said new research has shown that stress can trigger cause this type of cancer.
My newly diagnosed heart condition was stress related according to the Cardiologist.
Wonder what will be next?
if you top that p nut brittle with melted choc baking chips , you end up with something resembling a heath bar only probably better .
i decided on brownies to brighten up the afternoon .
I agree. Women are for more prone to "guilt" than men are. I hate hurting anyone's feelings and tend to take the worst of it on myself rather than having to deny someone of something. Only problem with that is people tend to take advantage of this and are never there for you when you really need them. Why? They know you will figure it out just like you've always done...either for them or yourself.
It's pretty outside, still cold as all frozen h*ll but least it's not raining. I'd love to take the dogs for a long brisk walk but mom's been pacing since she woke up. If the pacing wasn't bad enough, she ended up on a creaky spot in the floor and stood there stepping up/down/up/down for what seemed like hours.creak creak....creak creak...creak creak.... all the while saying I just want her to die, no mom, I just want you to relax for a d*mn minute, that's all.
ff, if you don't take care of yourself who will take care of your parent's? You first for a change. I'm sure your parent's eyes hasn't changed that much in the 6 months since their last visit.
Guilt is alive and well today by the sounds of you all.
FF I think you need to take your parents by the shoulders and shake them especially Dad who seems to be the ringleader (men never get it ) and say " what part of your XX year old daughter having health problems don't you understand. I have XX&X wrong with me I am not as fortunate as you to enjoy the good health you both have. You are a real scrooge who would rather see his daughter die than spend a penny helping himself, so get over it. I am no longer your chauffeur period, the end. Move into that dammed AL place and leave me alone unless you are planning to attend my funeral. My obit should start "she was such a loving daughter.............
Anyone else feeling waves of guilt. Stop it you are all doing a fantastic job and maybe your loved ones should be the ones feeling guilty for expecting so much from you and in some cases continuing to treat you badly, even when they are capable of behaving better.
As for the circling vultures of relatives, spend Mom and Dad's money to pay for caregivers so that you can all have a little bit of life. When they start to criticize tell them to write it on the back of a postage stamp. Shouldn't the parents buy a nicer car for you to drive them to their appointments and go to the grocery store to buy their food and to the pharmacy to pick up their medications. They can also pay for the repairs and gas. That is what THEIR money is for not as a legacy for the ingrates. That's my rant for the day.
What I noticed was some of the robo calls have an opt out number you can press if you hang on long enough and don't throw the phone out the window. If there's a real person, you might want to just ask for them to take you off their list. I never answer a call I don't recognize. My mother has macular degeneration, so it's hard for her.
I have a call block feature on my phone where I can block the last number that called. Works wonderfully.
Usually, I set the answering machine at three rings so the machine picks it up quickly. If it's a personal call, they won't have to wait long before they get the machine and I can pick it up once I've identified them.
Captain, that is a scrumptious sounding idea. I didn't make it to my brittle today as I got all involved in other stuff around the house and actually got so cold I decided I didn't want to go for peanuts to make it as much as I thought...and to be honest, Mama was so frail today I just couldn't bring myself to leave her even long enough to run down the hill to the local store. I am eyeing some of my pound cake though and it is looking pretty good right now...going to try the brittle though..!!
The nurse told me today that she has patients who sleep all the time and the only time they do awake is to eat...this may be the new normal...Lord this is going to be hard....I wish I could trade places with my Mama and she could be well again.....she has lived such a good and gracious life...it just feels so wrong for her to end up like this ...
Veronica91, a few months ago while talking to my Dad on the phone, and me commenting about my driving issues.... toward the end of our phone call, Dad asked me drive him to Home Depot.... I blew up, first time I ever raised my voice to my Dad... "my God, isn't anyone listening to me, I get panic attacks when I drive". The next day Dad called, said Mom needs some things from Target [banging head on wall].
Nothing like a good ol' Michigan winter. The U.P. already has 20+ inches of snow, my daughter (2.5 hours west of me) has 5"+ and more on the way, so I guess I'm happy we only have a few inches so far!
susan,
mich reminds me of chicago -- the brisk wind is nothing to play around with . ive been reading ww11 stories this evening and remembering how those army trucks ( most unheated ) hurtling down the autobahns would seemingly turn blue from the super chilling effect of the wind . i of course , wasnt in the 2 nd ww . i served during the cold war . sure enough it was COLD .
I know I am being an old fuddy-duddy.... but at our office when we were looking for new hires, we discarded those cover sheets send to us on-line that had shorthand text. We never use shorthand text in our business as it could easily be misinterpreted or mean something else in another culture.
hope, Veronica is so right. No need to sort through everything just now. In a weird way it IS comforting to go through things after all is said and done. I do worry about you... how are you going to handle everything when your mama does leave for a better place? What about you? It would be very helpful for you to start talking with hospice and their grief counselors. I wish I could hug all the hurt away...it is going to be hard.
ff, anxiety is so hard on ones body. You do need to step up and tell your parent's you just can't/.won't do it anymore!! Good grief. They are taking helpless to a whole new level and will keep doing it if you don't put your foot down. I know... hard to do easy to say. I get it. Try not to wear yourself out... you've got a long life ahead of you!
Today has taken on a whole new level of hard to deal with. She has been pacing non stop since she got up at 8:00 a.m. Seriously... non stop. So much so I've been nervous all day... now, just exhausted. She has fallen and bumped her head twice, just today. It's like her little feet just can't stop moving. There has been no soothing or redirecting allowed with her, not today. Sundowing started early this morning. Still going strong Tomorrow is her monthly Dr appointment. Something has got to give and give soon or I'm falling off this precarious ledge... also, it might be a good investment to get her a soft shell helmet of some sort. I dunno. My head hurts... feels like it's going to explode. I need that river of patience Jessebelle mentioned. My puddle is almost splashed out.
FF It begins to sound as though Dad is experiencing some memory problems with the way he is ignoring your statements. The more you write the more it sounds to me as though he simply does not remember what you told him yesterday. Does Mom get it?
I would have a word with each of mom/dad's doctors in private; are these visits really needed? I think many doctors are loathe to tell elderly patients not to come back so often, because they know that the patients love the attention and the outings. Your docs maybe thinking themselves "why do they feel they need to come so often?". Make some time to fax each of them a letter today.
Sadly my Mom can barely hear, so trying to talk to her results in repeating the same subject over and over, trying to see if she catches at least one word, thus I need to be a walking thesaurus. Last night she did ask how I was feeling, she caught on that I wasn't feeling good, so she thinks I have a cold or stomach bug, because she said chicken soup is good..... oh well, I tried, I didn't correct her as that would have been to exhausting.... I don't think chicken soup will help with panic attacks and kidney stones, would be great if it did :P
Mom is wrapped up in going to the doctors, if they say 1 year, it's one year to the day she wants to be in that doctor's office. If they say 3 months, she's there like clock work. And never tell Mom that any medical situation is due to old age, she doesn't want to hear it. Dad on the other hand knows he's getting old and he is relieved when a doctor does tell him its old age and nothing more serious.
How I wish the doctors could explain to Mom she doesn't need to see them anymore, even if she could hear, she would still make an appointment. Guess it is reassurance for her, especially when the doctor says *I will see you next year*.
The cold snap continues - 18 with a windchill of 6 right now, supposed to be lower windchills when the wind gets up this afteroon - gusts of up to 35 mph, going to be just *lovely* out there. Good day to stay indoors and work. I'm going to try to put together our new TV stand today - it has a little electric fireplace in it - Mom is just overjoyed and can't wait to get it set up so she can enjoy it. I figure if she's feeling cool at night when I've got the thermostat turned down a bit, she can always turn that on LOW and warm up and enjoy the flicker of the "flames". :-) (Thermostat is located in another room, so it shouldn't affect how often the heat comes on.)
Susan, I love watching Dr. Pol.... I even had a slight crush on Charles lol, he's so darn funny as the rest of them. Actually have learned a lot more about animals since watching it. Great family!
Ok... I want to touch back on the guilt thing. Lately mom has been glued to my hip. I cannot get anything done around here. If I turn around too quickly I about run her over. If I walk a bit faster to get to the bedroom and back before she can catch me, I have to slide by her in the hallway. This has been going on for days on end now. She won't sit still. The constant "where are you at"? Even though she's looking straight at me asking it. I am right here!! I asked her to please just sit down for a minute!!! Already the "Where am I supposed to sit" has started. She's down the hallway now asking "Where are you at". She just left me. Sigh. So here's the guilt part. I'm no longer answering her. I just politely smile and keep doing what needs done. If not, this place is going to fall apart. Now I've been thinking about placing her somewhere for a few weeks so I can get some REST! But I know that will terrify her. what to do...what to do...