I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Yay!
Now I'm in the living room with a glass of wine in one hand and a handful of chocolate and pretzels in the other. The dog is at my feet and she's in the den watching Judge Judy.
This should be a very long evening. Blah.
It's like the movie Ground Hog Day where the reporter lives the same day over and over and over again. Each day is the same for us.
And d*mned it, it's annoying. It's sad. It seems pointless. I know I would NOT want my children to see me this way. There is no way of hell's earth that I would allow my daughter to bathe me. Zero. And wipe me, uh, no. I've already told them, absolutely not. Nursing home, whatever.
I was talking to my son the other day ... he was telling me when they take older people into the nursing homes or living facilities, there's always a coroner taking a few out. We also discussed the issue of what constitutes living? Look at the people who are kept on life support who are brain dead. There are machines now that can detect brain death. Are Alzheimer's patients brain dead?
This is in no ways or means meant to sound like the 'death panel' discussions....I mean, think about this, if a person is in an accident and the doctor declares them brain dead, what's the difference! I would do it because of my religious beliefs but people are living longer now, we've got basically older people taking care of the oldest people, I'm 63, my mom is 91.
I'm tired! I don't believe I'm selfish. I'm seriously tired. I had to cancel a second mammogram/sonogram today because there was no one to care for her while I was gone. I've been told I need surgery that will require 3-7 days in the hospital for another problem I'm having. My life is on hold. All of us are kind of suspended in no man's land.
My dad died 6 months after I arrived here. All I did was make sure his passing was as painless as HE would let me. I may never recover from that ordeal. His mind was sharp as a tack. His body not so good.
Today I bough my mom a lifelike baby doll. Yes, I also bought "Lola" an outfit to change into, baby bottle, a binky and... blankets. We've been working on mom holding the pretty little Lola so she doesn't feel so scared. Plus it keeps her hands/lap occupied so she doesn't feel the need to stand up every 3 seconds. However, she's having a very normal day and just told me she doesn't want to hold the d*mn thing, she's had enough kids. BANG BANG.... that was my head against the wall. Sigh.
Her Dr suggested we start her on the depakote again, only at half the smallest dose possible also... he said mom exhibited some Parkinson's type actions. The shaking and rigid body... so, he also added Sinemet. That drug is not set in stone neither is the depakote, just trying to keep her mind more at ease and the pacing at least down to 3 hours a day vs all day long.
pamz...love love LOVE the removable shower head! So does mom. She can now sit on her shower chair and have me cascade warm water all over her, along with her heater on in the enclosed bathroom.... ahhhh, so nice warm and lovely!! LOL ... NOT!! Good gawd I sweat like a faucet in there! Sigh.
re ; " had enough kids "
thats comical . doc asked me once what i thought of my moms mental capabilities . i told him she was smarter than ill ever be . dementia is chiefly a memory illness -- mostly short term memory . you dont want to treat an elder like a child .
i took my aunt a hamburger again today at about 11 am . she just will not eat that nh swill . ill take her a hamburger every day as long as it works . nh cant get any protein down her at all .. i ate a piece of their bread last week that had mold all over it . they charge a h*ll of a lot of money to be serving donated , outdated , jail food ..
Ca,p, I love your perspective on everything. I do mean that sincerely. I wasn't trying to treat her as a child, I had hoped it would give her something to hold on to and settle her down a bit. I am not giving up on this idea. Maybe in time she will find some sort of empathy and hold it? My snarkier side wants to say things I won't say. Mom was never a snuggler. Go figure. So now guess whom is snuggling this pretty little baby doll? ME!
I understand what your are saying Bob. Like you, I am trying to make her life, at this time, the best it can be. Trust me, she's smarter than a 5th grader!
Mom gets up, seems perkier than normal (yay!) and we have this conversation:
Mom: "I'm going to get washed up and I'd like to get dressed."
Me: "Cool - I'll make sure you have clothes in the bathroom."
(she does - they've been in there for 4 days. That's the last time she got dressed.)
Mom: "You know, it would be nice to get dressed now and then."
(said very sarcastically)
Me: "Mom, those clothes have been in there for 4 days - you could have gotten dressed anytime you wanted. You showered yesterday and didn't bother to get dressed."
Mom: "I know." (looks at me like I've got 2 heads....as though the suggestion that she *actually* get dressed after a shower using the clothing I placed in there for her is some kind of insult to her intelligence.)
Me: (head banging on desk...)
Suddenly I feel that my motivation and some strength has returned.
I remarked to hubby that I was reorganizing the basement and there was a lot of junk (like 20+ extension cords) that could be sorted and donated.
he made a face and stated that now he would not be able to find anything.
So I said that he could not find anything now but I knew where things were and added that he did not do any projects around the home now anyway.
He replied that he would if he could find his tools.
I refrained from commenting that if I had left it up to him his tools would still be rusting in the basement of two houses ago if I had not moved them.
We were invited to a party for one of my tenents little girls and he spent the entire time glaring round the garage at the tenants neatly organized tools.
When we got home he remarked that now he knows where his wrenches went, he knew he had three. I went outside and picked up the three rusting wrenches from beside the tractor where he had used then a year previously. He then protested loudly that he never left HIS tools out.
I have a nice new bike helmet maybe I will use that!!!!!!!!
Good news this morning, the Levoquin seems to be working...bad news, her mood is no different, still sullen, staring and another day of the same old poop....If I don't get out of this house for more than a dollar store run soon I am going to wear both those helmets out.....
Suddenly I feel that my motivation and some strength has returned.
I remarked to hubby that I was reorganizing the basement and there was a lot of junk (like 20+ extension cords) that could be sorted and donated.
he made a face and stated that now he would not be able to find anything.
So I said that he could not find anything now but I knew where things were and added that he did not do any projects around the home now anyway.
He replied that he would if he could find his tools.
I refrained from commenting that if I had left it up to him his tools would still be rusting in the basement of two houses ago if I had not moved them.
We were invited to a party for one of my tenents little girls and he spent the entire time glaring round the garage at the tenants neatly organized tools.
When we got home he remarked that now he knows where his wrenches went, he knew he had three. I went outside and picked up the three rusting wrenches from beside the tractor where he had used then a year previously. He then protested loudly that he never left HIS tools out.
I have a nice new bike helmet maybe I will use that!!!!!!!!