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Tgengine, I don't think I would be letting him cook again or either up your fire insurance.Maybe his short term memory isn't so good. Also, make sure you have a handy fire exstinguisher in the kitchen.I think I would encourage using the microwave and disconnect the stove.
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i got by with near murder today . went to my court hearing on the driving while suspended charge . i never had lapsed insurance , just let the sr 22 lapse . i expected a deferral on the ticket that would have cost 275 . 00 with seat belt violation . instead i only got the 25 dollar seat belt violation . praise be to jeBUS , i can afford some booze and drugs now ..
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Jeanette...I don't know...I am not sure how I am going to feel....Today would be the wrong day to ask me. Caring for someone who is totally bedfast now for a year, and now does not speak to me, just glares, she will wake up to eat however, so I am officially living my life so I can feed her, change her soiled underwear and do it all over again in a couple of hours...i am beyond gone...My soul feels like it is dying...I had a friend who told me at the outset of all this that she would rather die than have her kids do for her what I was about to do for Mama...Mama would have probably felt the same way...I thought my friend was so horrible...I don't think I feel that way anymore....Today i am dead....it feels like I am living my life so I can watch Mama pass away...that sounds harsh I know and i am sorry, but Mama did not want to be like this...no one does ...God in heaven please don't let me end up like this...She seems so unhappy most of the time now...No matter how hard i try, how many goofy stories I tell, how many silly songs I sing, how many funny stories of crazy things we did together...all she does is lie there and glare back at me...I know it's all a part of it, but it is horrible...There are a lot of things worse than death I think...this is one of them. I always wanted to keep Mama here as long as she was happy...I still want her to get better...I'm not saying I want her to go ...please don't think that...but this is almost beyond bearable for me...to spend every waking moment running myself ragged so I can watch her withering before my eyes.....I called one of my closest friends a little while ago..simply because I knew she would let me rage until I got it out of my system...and that is exactly what i did. I hope I got it all out..I am useless to anyone like this...I am tired, I am lonely, it all seems so hopeless and even pointless... I remember back when Mama used to get on my nerves and now how I wish she could get on them again....
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And I have to admit that not long ago I got really angry and I went out IN THE FRONT YARD...and dropped the "F" bomb a whole bunch of times at the top of my lungs just because.....
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Jut when you think you have this all down 'pat' they throw something else at you! My mother has been acting strange the past two days. Just now, I asked her who I am. She said, "You're my mother".

Yay!

Now I'm in the living room with a glass of wine in one hand and a handful of chocolate and pretzels in the other. The dog is at my feet and she's in the den watching Judge Judy.

This should be a very long evening. Blah.
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I am finding all these evenings are very long these days Littledog....before mama stopped talking I would tell her I loved her and she would tell me, I love me too....I know what she meant...I think.....
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@Hope - do you really want to go back to the time your mom got on your nerves? No. I'd rather be where you are now because I definitely would put my mom in a nursing home at that point. I've come to the conclusion that they just don't know who we are when they get this bad.

It's like the movie Ground Hog Day where the reporter lives the same day over and over and over again. Each day is the same for us.

And d*mned it, it's annoying. It's sad. It seems pointless. I know I would NOT want my children to see me this way. There is no way of hell's earth that I would allow my daughter to bathe me. Zero. And wipe me, uh, no. I've already told them, absolutely not. Nursing home, whatever.

I was talking to my son the other day ... he was telling me when they take older people into the nursing homes or living facilities, there's always a coroner taking a few out. We also discussed the issue of what constitutes living? Look at the people who are kept on life support who are brain dead. There are machines now that can detect brain death. Are Alzheimer's patients brain dead?

This is in no ways or means meant to sound like the 'death panel' discussions....I mean, think about this, if a person is in an accident and the doctor declares them brain dead, what's the difference! I would do it because of my religious beliefs but people are living longer now, we've got basically older people taking care of the oldest people, I'm 63, my mom is 91.

I'm tired! I don't believe I'm selfish. I'm seriously tired. I had to cancel a second mammogram/sonogram today because there was no one to care for her while I was gone. I've been told I need surgery that will require 3-7 days in the hospital for another problem I'm having. My life is on hold. All of us are kind of suspended in no man's land.
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p.s. that should be I would NOT do it because of my religious beliefs.
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My hubs just installed a new shower head in the folks bathroom. the kind you can take down and use as a hand held. Of course the hose is sticking out because it;s been in a box since birth... It;s annoying him to no end, and I know its going to annoy Mom... I just keep saying "let it be, it will unkink once it hangs for a bit..." Oh boy.. thought this would be a good idea.. silly me! Mom says "I'll have to get in the shower with him".(dad) . NO YOU WONT!! You can just reach in and point it where you want it to go! I gave in,, said if they don;t like it we'll put it in our shower. Alot of my friends swear by theirs.. it's a nice waterpick and we also got one for daughters new house spare bath ( the one there is old and icky) Give me strength!!
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Know what you mean Littledog...I am seriously tired too....I used to never even think of hurling that awful word out even if no one heard me..let alone make a point on going outdoors and letting it fly. All of this started wtih Mama right as I began going into menopause...I have always had the best timing...NOT....anyway....I have seriously never felt as physically bad in my life as I do now. I am going for my test results this coming Friday and nothing that comes out of that mans' mouth would surprise me...I will be a lot more surprised if something is not wrong...the pain meds he gave me worked great...for about one day...now the pain is back with a vengeance and I honestly don't know how much more pain I can take...physically and emotionally...it is like I died and went to hell...and I feel like I am headed there now anyway because of some of the thoughts I am having....they are not nice...not nice at all. I actually wore my house shoes to the dollar store today...and I was fully aware of it...I didn't care..I was too tired to change them...now i will have to wash them...but oh well....
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But yes, I seriously do wish she was able to follow me around...she was and will always be my best friend...I miss her so much....it is losing my best friend and my Mama all at the same time...
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This is exactly why I asked you the question hope. I do worry about you and how you are going to handle all of what eventually is going to come. I know you loved your dad... and his loss was hard, like mine was. Both of us need to prepare ourselves mentally or ... well, you know. Just try and pull yourself out of this... not trying to be the bearer of bad news but like you said, you are living your life right now to make your moms passing nice for her and a blessing. Not just to watch her die. I think you feel that way because of your dad, least that's how I feel at times.
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im post dementia caregiving now and sometimes tend to make it sound humorous and even fulfilling but the fact is ive never done anything more difficult in my life and yes , the isolation and loss of my own direction were excruciating . my entire world was one 11 x 13 bedroom and all of my personal junk ( aside from clothes ) was piled haphazardly in one plastic milk crate . its knowing that your on an extended camping trip thats so unsettling . why develop a system , its not your home . a couple of female friends i had would lament about how messy the yard was with my scaffolding and motorcycle junk everywhere . neither of the two i speak of had ever contributed anything to another person and certainly never cared for their elders . they were just a set of vocal chords with bellows . in fact i called one of them " screech " . both have all the answers to the questions nobody asked ..
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Ooops, hit enter to quickly

My dad died 6 months after I arrived here. All I did was make sure his passing was as painless as HE would let me. I may never recover from that ordeal. His mind was sharp as a tack. His body not so good.

Today I bough my mom a lifelike baby doll. Yes, I also bought "Lola" an outfit to change into, baby bottle, a binky and... blankets. We've been working on mom holding the pretty little Lola so she doesn't feel so scared. Plus it keeps her hands/lap occupied so she doesn't feel the need to stand up every 3 seconds. However, she's having a very normal day and just told me she doesn't want to hold the d*mn thing, she's had enough kids. BANG BANG.... that was my head against the wall. Sigh.

Her Dr suggested we start her on the depakote again, only at half the smallest dose possible also... he said mom exhibited some Parkinson's type actions. The shaking and rigid body... so, he also added Sinemet. That drug is not set in stone neither is the depakote, just trying to keep her mind more at ease and the pacing at least down to 3 hours a day vs all day long.

pamz...love love LOVE the removable shower head! So does mom. She can now sit on her shower chair and have me cascade warm water all over her, along with her heater on in the enclosed bathroom.... ahhhh, so nice warm and lovely!! LOL ... NOT!! Good gawd I sweat like a faucet in there! Sigh.
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The bath chair is next on my list! I know what you mean about the heater! When I open the bedroom or bathroom door I about die.. At least they turn off the bathroom heater once they are done in the room. Dad is always trying to get me to come in the bedroom and help him with something.. heck NO!!! I used to love wearing sweaters and tunics.. now I live in Tshirts and yoga pants
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Speaking of hot houses, right now I am thrilled with the icy cold weather when I go over to visit my parent's house.... the house actually feels good.... they keep the temp at sauna level all year round so the rest of the year my limit inside is only 15 minutes... then I have to make an excuse to leave so I can catch my breath from all that heat :P
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I am so filled with anger and resentment tonight I can't even think straight. Right now I think I will do just fine because I am so totally exhausted from all this . I am not sure why I am so committed to keeping Mama happy, she does not seem happy these days...and going through all the routines I am going through and getting basically zero...she doesn't seem to even know who i am ...tonight all I can say is how much I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.....did I mention I hate this
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I can also proudly report that today I wore my man house shoes to the Dollar Store and knew full well I had...I meant to wear them...just because I could...I used to see souls shuffle in there in their house shoes and think bless their heart...what on earth happened to them that made them so indifferent to their appearance..now I know the answer...they were caregivers.....
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and OMG...need I mention I already told yall I wore my house shoes to the dollar store....see??? I AM losing my mind....good grief
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jeanette,
re ; " had enough kids "
thats comical . doc asked me once what i thought of my moms mental capabilities . i told him she was smarter than ill ever be . dementia is chiefly a memory illness -- mostly short term memory . you dont want to treat an elder like a child .
i took my aunt a hamburger again today at about 11 am . she just will not eat that nh swill . ill take her a hamburger every day as long as it works . nh cant get any protein down her at all .. i ate a piece of their bread last week that had mold all over it . they charge a h*ll of a lot of money to be serving donated , outdated , jail food ..
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I am loving the cold weather. Thank you menopause! My bedroom door is kept closed and windows open. Hmmm, no wonder my big pibble snuggles so closely :

Ca,p, I love your perspective on everything. I do mean that sincerely. I wasn't trying to treat her as a child, I had hoped it would give her something to hold on to and settle her down a bit. I am not giving up on this idea. Maybe in time she will find some sort of empathy and hold it? My snarkier side wants to say things I won't say. Mom was never a snuggler. Go figure. So now guess whom is snuggling this pretty little baby doll? ME!

I understand what your are saying Bob. Like you, I am trying to make her life, at this time, the best it can be. Trust me, she's smarter than a 5th grader!
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This morning's chuckle and/or head-slamming moment:

Mom gets up, seems perkier than normal (yay!) and we have this conversation:

Mom: "I'm going to get washed up and I'd like to get dressed."

Me: "Cool - I'll make sure you have clothes in the bathroom."
(she does - they've been in there for 4 days. That's the last time she got dressed.)

Mom: "You know, it would be nice to get dressed now and then."
(said very sarcastically)

Me: "Mom, those clothes have been in there for 4 days - you could have gotten dressed anytime you wanted. You showered yesterday and didn't bother to get dressed."

Mom: "I know." (looks at me like I've got 2 heads....as though the suggestion that she *actually* get dressed after a shower using the clothing I placed in there for her is some kind of insult to her intelligence.)

Me: (head banging on desk...)
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Going to try to set up our new tv stand with the little electric fireplace in it today. Tested out the fireplace portion of it last night by just plugging it in and playing with the remote - Mom was tickled - she thought it was just the neatest thing. The dog and cat treat it like something to be approached with great caution. It puts out a LOT of heat, so I think it will be helpful for her during the cold winter nights.
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I recommend that everycaregiver purchase a "head banging helmet" ( I do not have a financial interest or any connection with a headbanging helmet manufacurer)
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Veronica, I've said many times that I need a new desk, because I think mine must have a head-sized dent in it by now....
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I am by nature a very well organized and neat person but due to many causes I have had to let this compulsion slide and not allow it to cause me stress.
Suddenly I feel that my motivation and some strength has returned.
I remarked to hubby that I was reorganizing the basement and there was a lot of junk (like 20+ extension cords) that could be sorted and donated.
he made a face and stated that now he would not be able to find anything.
So I said that he could not find anything now but I knew where things were and added that he did not do any projects around the home now anyway.
He replied that he would if he could find his tools.
I refrained from commenting that if I had left it up to him his tools would still be rusting in the basement of two houses ago if I had not moved them.
We were invited to a party for one of my tenents little girls and he spent the entire time glaring round the garage at the tenants neatly organized tools.
When we got home he remarked that now he knows where his wrenches went, he knew he had three. I went outside and picked up the three rusting wrenches from beside the tractor where he had used then a year previously. He then protested loudly that he never left HIS tools out.
I have a nice new bike helmet maybe I will use that!!!!!!!!
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Veronica...EXCELLENT idea...in fact, my brother bought Mama and me a couple of old football helmets at a salvage store in case we have a tornado here...I think it may be time to put them to use...Mine anyway....

Good news this morning, the Levoquin seems to be working...bad news, her mood is no different, still sullen, staring and another day of the same old poop....If I don't get out of this house for more than a dollar store run soon I am going to wear both those helmets out.....
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It has dawned on me that Mama is due for another respite visit...and this time I don't have to move one stinking thing from anywhere....I am seriously considering letting her spend a few days there so I can make an effort at pulling myself together again...that would mean her being in there now for Thanksgiving...which I'm not sure I can do...but then, there will be no Thanksgiving here anyway...just ensure for her and who knows what I will do...right now a tv dinner sounds as good as anything...too tired to do one more extra thing...I had really high hopes for the holidays and that is most likely what has happened..it has quickly come crashing down on my hard head that this one is going to be just like the last three...sad and filled with too many memories. My cousin wants to come by on Christmas Eve for a brief visit and then said she will be going to the family gathering because she can't imagine not going there. I would just as soon she go there and stay there....I don't need the extra reminder that I am alone
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I am by nature a very well organized and neat person but due to many causes I have had to let this compulsion slide and not allow it to cause me stress.
Suddenly I feel that my motivation and some strength has returned.
I remarked to hubby that I was reorganizing the basement and there was a lot of junk (like 20+ extension cords) that could be sorted and donated.
he made a face and stated that now he would not be able to find anything.
So I said that he could not find anything now but I knew where things were and added that he did not do any projects around the home now anyway.
He replied that he would if he could find his tools.
I refrained from commenting that if I had left it up to him his tools would still be rusting in the basement of two houses ago if I had not moved them.
We were invited to a party for one of my tenents little girls and he spent the entire time glaring round the garage at the tenants neatly organized tools.
When we got home he remarked that now he knows where his wrenches went, he knew he had three. I went outside and picked up the three rusting wrenches from beside the tractor where he had used then a year previously. He then protested loudly that he never left HIS tools out.
I have a nice new bike helmet maybe I will use that!!!!!!!!
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Veronica, a "head banging helmet".... LOL, thanks for getting my day started with a laugh :)
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