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sounhappy: Hoping that you're doing better today?
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New to this forum but not to my whining I am 74 in I would say pretty good shape for an old broad my husband is 84. He’s my 3th. My children from first husband thinks he’s an arse. Which he is and now worse because he can’t hear so tv/radio blaring political crap only. He’s not steady on his feet I do everything cook clean take care of an 87 lb golden that he just had to have and only shouts at him and never plays with. But truly I love the dog way more than I do him. My kids and grand kids live in Tennessee. I want to move to be close to them. He is adamant and actually cried when I told him we have to move because the house is now too much and we need to be close to my family now. Screaming craziness ensued. That was 2 years ago. We live in illinois and I cannot even think about one more Midwest winter. I do have a high school boy that mows grass and takes care of snow at least I have that going. I am venting just venting. I’m struggling because I am one click away from packing a tooth brush one clean set of dainties my dog and running away. I keep telling myself remember the lord will not give you more than you can handle. But my yapping here is really the tip of the iceberg and I’m clawing my way to the last lifeboat.
I am breathing and I say “in with the peach foam..out with the green slime”. Everything will be ok. I’m feeling a bit my relaxed now that I’ve spilled my stuff to total strangers.
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Da, welcome!

Why does your disabled husband get to call the shots?

In your shoes, I'd arrange the move. Start packing.

Don't give him a choice in the matter. You know better.

If he doesn't want to come alone, he stays where he is.
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Da, make the move. Your hubby can come with you or stay where he is. Begin by seeing an attorney for legal separation and division of finances.

As to the Lord not giving someone more than they can take, I wouldn't murmur that one around a person losing a 5 year old to a brain tumor. We take things because there is no way round them but to jump off a bridge. We take things because there is no way around them; we must pass through them. I am not a believer, but if there's a god out there passing out Job's woes to people, he wouldn't be the guy (or gal) for me. And if you are a believer you might choose that adage about the Lord helping those who help themselves. I AM glad that your faith brings you comfort.

Take care of yourself. Find time away from this guy at the very least.
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Da: Welcome to the forum! You will be able to find support here.
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Dear Da: About “The lord will not give you more than you can handle”, just remember what the Lord gave to Jesus. Don’t get crucified for your third unsuccessful try at married happiness. Ask your kids for help and advice – they may be very willing to provide it.
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DaSweadie, normally I would have PM'd you this, but newbies to this forum often don't check it. I must correct what you are attributing to the Lord. He *does* give us more than we can handle. To say otherwise is unbiblical and not a Christian concept. "... my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9� and "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matt.�11 Verses 28-30 Also, "the Lord helps those who help themselves" is also not scriptural nor a Christian concept. Don't hesitate to call upon the Lord. Don't wait until you are wrecked. He should be your first call for help, not your last. Blessings!
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To all who replied to my “poor me moment”. I thank you
the very thoughts I’ve been beating myself up over. I’m not helping my health and I’m certainly not helping him. The time is now to make the move with or without him. If legal separation is to be done so be it. I will not continue to be a cry baby but never do what’s necessary.
And yes we will be fine
I really needed this.
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Whine Moment: My Dad has been an abusive bully all his live to myself and to my brother - and to Mom when she was alive. I keep telling myself " You're 67yrs old now - You don't have to take his crap" But here I am - still taking his crap! He's 95 with progressing dementia/Alzheimer's and a very sharp tongue! Uggghh! Calgon Take me away!!! Just Breathe..................
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Mamacrow, My mother is just like this. I can sympathize. I hope I can get her into the NH so I don’t have to deal with her as much as I do now. I cannot stand it anymore.
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@Mamacrow and hothouse.
It can't last forever.
((((Hugs))))
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I’m reframing the rant I just wrote and deleted.

It’s football season in the US… if you have armchair quarterbacks and post-game analysts second-guessing your actions as a caregiver, if they haven’t ever suited up and been tackled, please change the channel.

Do not give them space in your already crowded life.

Do anything with more value, like watch Sharknado or clean the toilet.

Self? Are you listening to this excellent advice? Cuz football isn’t our jam anyway, and those 🤬 people have taken too much time and energy out of what we get on earth. I love you, NOW PAY ATTENTION.
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Llama, thank you. It’s a crazy, crazy situation. The problem isn’t caregiving, but bullies in my “family”.

Please for once, let justice win.
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sounhappy: You're welcome.
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It’s so rare to see justice win. Pleasssssse let justice prevail.
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Not a whine, just a memory.

I met a lady at a walking club. She decided to befriend me as I looked new (I was on holiday). She had moved to this lovely seaside town 10 yrs back. Her Husband & her had always planned to do the sea-change at retirement.. but the years ticked on, he sat in his chair, too comfortable to move.

She warned she'd go.
She left for a holiday.
She took the time to think.
She walked into a real estate office & rented a small house.
She returned to the city.
Told him her new address, packed & left.

6 months later he arrived, suitcase in hand, pale, lonely & wondering if this tanned, fit looking beautiful lady would let him stay?
A happy ending. 😊

(She told me it would have been a happy ending for her either way, whether he came or not, she was living her dream 😂).

I mentally took note & thanked her. I said it was a real pleasure, not often had, to meet a guardian angel who had just handed me my future life!

"What we want is on the other side of fear". Can't remember who said that, but I like it.
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Sounhappy, whatever awful thing you’re facing right now, I wish you to succeed.
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Thanks!
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Please let justice win.
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In some weeks I’ll know if justice won. I’ll let you know.
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Sounhappy, I know I have read your previous posts but don't remember what you are going thru. Tried to lookback, but your "following" is closed. Besides showing posts you have commented on it also shows posts you have made. And you have no profile.
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It’s a crazy story. So crazy, the details aren’t worth it. I just want justice to win.
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Here is my whine, or more of a scream! I applied for SS and medicare on Aug 1, retired on Aug 23. My work messed up my retirement, but got it fixed so that I got a check in late Sept and now in Oct,, so all good there at last. My SS has been "pending" since then. My supplement insurance has gone through and I have paid the premiums the last 2 months, but since I have no medicare number yet its all delayed. I called SS 3 weeks ago, was told its being worked on, no problems, should be done by end of Sept. Still "pending". I'm not so worried about the check as I am about the health insurance! So today I called my local SS office,, seems that my birth year was imputted wrong!! She fixed that but they need to see my original Birth Certificate. why did no one notify me? So tomorrow hubs and I are taking my BC in ( luckily don't need an apt) and then she can finish it all up, so I should be good to go in a few days!! I have been worried silly about this, hopefully it will all be fixed in a few days. But really, if I had not called when would they have notified me? And I know I am lucky I can go without the payment for a bit, but alot of people can't!
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Pam , Depending on how many health problems a person has , just keeping up with the health insurance tasks, reviewing billings, statements etc . , can turn into a part time job during retirement . At least that’s what I hear from some of my retired friends .
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Way it sure seems that way, and I am only retired for 1 1/2 month!! With pretty good health. It was quick and easy at the local office, so now we'll see how it goes.
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Pam,
I’m not there yet . But have heard the whole process setting up SS and Medicare can be a pain .
Cross fingers it gets straightened out soon. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻
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Pam, it was messy for my husband to go onto Medicare and we even had a broker helping us. This is why you don't want the government to manage anything -- they are horrid at it and has no incentive to improve. I'm going to transition to Medicare in November so hoping it goes "less messy" for me. Good luck with yours!
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First, make sure you start the Medicare application months (not a few weeks!) before you'll actually be eligible. Go to a licensed insurance agent who specializes in Medicare Advantage plans and let them help. Social Security was a non issue, I don't understand what problems anyone had. Just do everything early.
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Not doing well. I hope to turn things around. Please let justice win.
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Sounhappy,

Whatever it is , I hope it gets better soon ! (((Hugs)))
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