Follow
Share
Read More
Rant comming up.
I get so p****d off when I am half way through a post and some add covers the page and when I get back to my answer it has disappeared.
Rant over
(2)
Report

bookluvr, my Dad has terrible breathe, I can smell it when he is still in the passenger seat in the car and is talking.... and he goes to the dentist and has yearly cleaning. I think it is a combination of acid reflex and the fact that Dad is not into flossing.... it wasn't done back when he was a kid or young adult, thus he never got into the habit.
(0)
Report

Oh wow Susan, bless the little one... I can see how his health right now far outweighs the trip. Things happen for a reason ( least that's what it said) and right now, he needs to recuperate. I miss my son also... tremendously. We, as the parent, have to put so many other things before our needs and continue on doing the so called right thing in life.

Something is sure going on with your mom and her sleep episodes. I can see falling asleep in the chair... not the shower. When is her next Dr. appointment? Between the sleep and the rapidly progressing forgetfulness I'd say it's time for a complete check-up. Sometimes, it's something minor that brings on these major changes, like dear hope's mama.... thankfully it was an abscessed tooth and easily treatable vs end of life. YAY for hope's mama!! Anyway, yeah... check up time with full blood screening. I'm sorry you have to go through this... I know what yours and your mothers plan is for the future... it is never easy.

1butterfly, my mind won't let me even imagine caring for 2 loved ones with dementia, let alone 1. Bless you for even attempting it!

I'm thankful mom has dentures :) just a plop plop and fizz and all is right as far as her teeth go. Now, if only I could get her to SIT and RELAX for awhile. Her feet swell up so much from the constant pacing and standing on them for hours at night. Last night was no exception either... 4 times I was up chasing the boogey men away... trying to convince her they've all left and went to bed was an ordeal in itself. She's finally zonked out in her recliner and I think I shall just let her sleep for awhile. Her carer will be here at 1:00 and Sydney and I are escaping to river. We love that park... yesterday we went for a brisk 5 mile hike from one end of the park to the other round trip. Parts of the neatly kept pathway goes through the woods, the other parts are along the river. Right now, since we've had a lot of rain the river is very high... it's exhilarating and good for the waistline :D
(1)
Report

Book, going to sleep & never waking up is a fantasy of mine along with winning the lottery, which I would prefer. Jeannette, I am so burned out that if I could I would quit right now so I certainly don't deserve any credit. I sm so p****d off at their children right now for not handling things they need to handle instead of me. So much dysfunction, games, laziness & stupidity in this family...not my style. It has been a bad day what with me depressed over that piece of crap truck I bought & cannot afford to fix...the folks' mental state has been worse than ever today. I feel like what? I do not know. Screaming or something. My anxiety level feels like it is off the chart. Then I find out the very earliest I will get a disability hearing is February. I do not think I can last that long. I would go live with my sons in GA but they struggle financially & don't need me burdening them. Okay I am done...sorry to everyone that I never have anything positive to say. It has been so long since I've known happiness that I've nearly forgotten what it is like.
(1)
Report

Jeanette - Mom has another med check coming up soon, so we'll address these issues then. The thing is...she has good weeks and bad weeks. Last week was pretty bad. This week hasn't been too terrible, except for the increased memory lapses - but to be honest, while the lapses are a little surprising, in a way, they're not. They go with the territory. She's been forgetful for some time, but it's just progressing further now. She's been worse since Dad died.
(0)
Report

Nonna whine about my SiL who I love. She's an ma and accountant. I'm a psychologist. When she sees a problem ( and she's the one who is close by mom's nh, visits as list every night) she wants it fixed immediately. So last night, mom was agitated, new aide due to holiday, someone out sick. Someone put mom in a diaper as opposed to her regular pull up. In the scheme of things, to me, this is mot an emergency. But my mother reads into the actions of others ( a lifelong bad habit) and so this portends disaster. And yes, she's on antidepressants and antisnxiety meds. Just venting. My sil is awesome and likes and loves my mom. With me, it's just way to cbc motivated, got ignored too much as a child f us to the in house IL grandparents and my incessantly ill brother. So, unfortunately not much sympathy for mom who always seem.ed to be telling me to get over my self absorption. Which is why Im not doing hands-on care. Venting feels ambiguously good.
(2)
Report

No whines from me today. Mama woke up alert after a really good night of sleep and wanted a cup of coffee!!!! Then we got to "chat" if only for a brief bit...I asked her if she was enjoying her Christmas music and she said "yay".....Thank you God, what a wonderful day this has been...unbelievable such a turnaround in less than a day....still can't believe it was an abcess but thank God we found it and a change in her meds from Levequin to Amoxicillin 500 mg did the trick...she actually began to turn around by her second dose yesterday...and was fever free by bedtime....has been such a happy day for us both...
(6)
Report

My mom seems not to care about her appearance as much anymore. I know that is hard to describe without a photo, but it is not the type of "signs of dementia" thing. She used to be very fashionable. Now she just doesn't care, she doesn't even wear a bra anymore, she is clean and "appropriate" for weather, but she is more into comfort and doesn't care whst anyone else think. Which is kind of sad. So I did buy her some new tops and a new sweater, she hasn't even taken the tags off. She liked them but won't wear them.
(2)
Report

Samara, my mom used to be like that. She was so finicky with her public appearance - hair, lipstick. As she progressed in her dementia, she stopped caring about it. I was looking at our albums. At the time it was happening, I was a teenager and didn't notice it. But as an adult, looking at each xmas photos, I can see her appearance change. Even her expression. I never noticed it. But in the photos, you can see this 'blank' look in her face. I never noticed it all those years. Pictures don't lie. Do you take photos every year? If you go back to your albums, and just sit there and look through it - observe your mom's appearance and facial expressions. You will be able to see the changes - in the pictures.

As for mom, it was so much easier for her to put on a dress. No skirts and blouse. Simple to put on and take off. No struggles. Maybe you can try buying simple but pretty dresses. I don't know about you, but for me, to bend down to put my legs one at a time inside a skirt is... like trying to stand on one leg without falling to the floor. And to bend down, puts pressure on my belly - which I don't like to feel (reminds me that I need to exercise.) And then after that, to put on my blouse. So much hassle. I've got rid of most of my skirts and bought more dresses. Easy on, easy off. Maybe buy one dress. And then persuade your mom to put it on. When done, you can point it out to her in the mirror how so pretty she looks (if she has no aversion to seeing herself in the mirror). When I used to sew for my mom her 1 piece simple dress, I made sure it was pretty colors. She liked wearing it. Her favorite was the fancy plain black satiny material dress. It was so simple but made fancy by the material I bought. (Expensive material, too!!!)
(0)
Report

My whine moment of the day is this - I am losing patience with my mother. I am an only child so I am it. She chose to move back to Florida after living for a year in TN where we live. She's 87, lives independently with help and is pretty healthy for someone her age. She was recently diagnosed with gastroparesis (slow digestion) and has been put on meds and a special diet. After ONE DAY on the medicine, she was calling to complain how she still wasn't feeling well, and what if the medicine doesn't work, yadadada. This kind of thing happens EVERY TIME she doesn't feel well. It is a CRISIS, always. Last night's crisis du jour was "I am violently ill. I feel terrible." She apparently caught some sort of virus, and I'm certainly staying on top of that because that could turn serious if untreated. I try hard to be sympathetic, but I am exasperated. I think a lot of it is because she doesn't have a lot of social interaction (again, her choice) but she's always been a super negative, the glass is half empty kind of person. Because I am 8 hours away, I can't run to Florida every time something goes wrong and I'm to the point I dread her calls. She does have a support system down there, good doctors and a lady who helps her and cleans her house so that's at least something. I am going to start seeing a therapist to help me handle this better. Thank you all very, VERY much for letting me whine!

Michele
(3)
Report

HH, huge sympathy to you. It's incredibly frustrating when someone makes their own choices and then visits the negative consequences on you! Too harsh (and anyway too simplistic) to say back to them "told you so" but it's impossible not to have that feeling about it. Sigh. You'll just have to prime your ears for key words that will tell you if something is really wrong, and let the rest wash over you: lots of caregiving seems to be about nodding and tutting sympathetically to the rhythm of everyday grievances. I must admit I'm rubbish at it - but at least over the phone no one can see you roll your eyes :)
(0)
Report

Samara, my Mama is the same way...She was always so fashionable, always dressed so pretty, hair perfect, makeup perfect, (thought she didn't really need makeup because she's always been so pretty) but always always perfect...Sadly as our Moms decline it seems appearances just don't matter and as I look in the mirror right now, it looks as though I'm getting there myself.. :) I guess some things just matter more...I know I bought Mama so many pretty things just before she had her horrible fall and they are all still in her closet, tags on, never been worn....sadly now I am guessing they never will be. But I will leave them there, and wear them myself one day and remember her.....But I understand, and it is hard when you see all these changes and know there is not one thing we can do about it...other than what we are doing already...

Another sunny day here, coolish, and I think I am going to do a little cooking just because I want to. I love to cook but kind of lost all interest over the last couple of years and especially since Mama doens't "eat" anything but ensure these days...but I am going to do it just because I can....

I am sooooo thankful today. Mama is doing so much better and my meds have finally gotten regulated it seems so I am feeling a LOT better too....The upping of the dosage on the depression meds helped a lot and I am staying with those exactly like I am supposed to and it does seem to be helping a lot....Things aren't perfect, I can't fix a lot that I wish I could fix...but I am fully aware of how blessed I am and so very thankful Mama is feeling so much better......

Hoping and praying for a blessed Thanksgiving for all of us....this is hard and often lonely and often sad, but I am trying to find comfort and even joy in my memories...and I think that would make Mama happy....she looks so cozy over there in her pretty lavender sheets and fluffy comforter...that makes me happy too.
(1)
Report

I honestly don't think anyone really wants to go to sleep and not wake up. At times we certainly may feel like it, but really, that's not the answer. Perhaps we'd love a bit more "my time", a decent night sleep, some help and a cure for some of these insidious diseases that rob us of our loved one and a big chunk of our life.

Other than that, most of us on here a quite strong resilient care people.

hope, I can just picture the loveliness of your mother lying there, feeling ever so much better!!
(1)
Report

Jeanette, there are times I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up [die of natural causes] because rarely, if ever, do I get a good night sleep. It's gotten a bit better since I told my parents I had to limit my driving. And yes, Dad, that also means going to Home Depot and getting your mail from the Post Office box.

In the past I would start to panic the day before I had to drive my parents somewhere, would lie awake getting maybe 2 to 3 hours of sleep, year after years, going on 6 years. My body said ENOUGH ALREADY, this is going to send you into an early grave.

And with Dad saying he will start driving again [at 93] since I can't just throws more stress onto me... oh the guilt.
(0)
Report

gone nuts here . canning an entire 5 gal bucket full of homemade brats . venison , pork , celery , oatmeal , egg , red pepper , garlic , salt , sugar , celery seed , sage , salt . if ya think old cappy dont know how to season the brats , shame on ya . my god my back is tender but these shits are going in jars TONIGHT . i wouldnt be surprised at 100 qts , 4 brats per qt .
(1)
Report

beer brats too in natural sheep intestine . no paper casing here . he
(0)
Report

I wouldn't want to never wake up. Who would take care of the rabbits?
(1)
Report

Well, had to go pick up my prescription once I discovered they will be closed on Friday and I will run out Sunday...so then made a quick stop at the grocery and for a moment had the briefest flurry of emotion as to whether I needed to cook something just to get in the spirit. In the middle of my frenzy, it hit me.. "why would I do this??" no one is coming, it is just you and so I got a few things that will keep in case I decide to make a small pan of dressing. that I will have with a chicken breast and green beans. I did grab a Mrs. Smith's cobbler just for the heck of it and more and more it's looking like that is going to be dinner, along with a cup of coffee tomorrow....yay for me...no cleanup and no stress....
(0)
Report

Jeannette, thanks yes, she's very lovely and seems to be sleeping so deeply sometimes scary, but then again I know how much a fever wipes you out and as long as she had hers I think the best thing is to just let her sleep...when she wakes up I feed her...just got that done not too long ago and got her all fluffed up again and she's out like a light...again.. :) but seems to be dreaming sweet dreams without care..
(0)
Report

When day after day is filled with nothing but despair with no change in sight why do you feel someone would not fantasize about never waking up? If it looked as if an opportunity for the better would come along then no, the depressed person would have some hope. Yes, the majority of this forum is strong but you cannot really know the private h*ll of someone.
(1)
Report

i understand your private h*ll butterfly . my new house sat out here empty for 6 years . i knew it would get broken into eventually so i had to simply put it out of my mind . i only came out here a couple times a year . my emotional state was toast . ive done some difficult things in my lifetime but giving up my life to stay with mom was the most excruciating . i tried to get her to live in my house so my dream could go on but she refused . it was pure h*ll but somehow i survived it and i feel stronger for having done it .
(0)
Report

Put me in the strong challenged category. I've always been a shy person, wallflower, just watching and listening. When presented with something I am an expert at, then I will speak up in person.

I was raised by helicopter parents who did all the bidding for me, thus I would stand back and let them take charge. Oh how I wished I had siblings, what a great learning experience to fend for yourself and learn how to interact with each other as kids. Yes, I know it can change when everyone gets older. But the experiences are always there.
(0)
Report

Well well well, it does appear that the fairy has been sprinkling crazy dust once again, gee thanks.

My two oldest brothers stopped by unexpectedly and of course, unannounced. Yes, you heard me right, just appeared out of nowhere... both of them. Now, if you recall, one of them swore NEVER to come to this house again. Awh shucks.

They brought mom a lovely poinsettia. It being evening mom was in full blown sundowners which is very hard to witness. I almost feel empathy towards them... almost. They get to go home so my almost is a small almost at the very least.. or best, depends on my mood. Oh, the one brother whom swore never to come here again, ... well, we did not speak, at all. That is highly unusual for me as I am a people pleaser and normally would have went out of my way to make him happy and comfortable. Not this day.

Oldest brother mentioned to mom they were both stopping by again tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving Day with her ( I wasn't mentioned) (which is fine) ... I told oldest bro I wasn't cooking a Turkey, he said neither were any of them, surprise surprise since it's a known fact his wife doesn't cook and they normally end up here scarfing up food.... I did tell them I was making eggplant lasagna though... he said he'd bring pumpkin pie, ice cream and whip cream. Oh oh, I added the whip cream, he included it in his list. WOW!

hope, I am incredibly Thankful for your mama's bounce back... not only for her, but for you! Yes, let her sleep... she's been through a lot trying to battle that infection.

I agree. No frenzy allowed! Ha! We should all show up on Cap's doorstep and eat brats until we can't move! That, would be an awesome day :)
(5)
Report

I am bracing myself for Thanksgiving. Several siblings have not talked to me in months......they typically call only on holidays. So decrepit. Why do they think calling on holidays is going to make up for another 3-5 yrs of not BEING HERE.
But in the meantime, my parents have grown apart from these kids. I know there's parables about the prodigal child. But really. These days who has prodigal children? They have selfish children who could care less about visiting their own parents -- assuming the parents weren't abusive, I believe there is no reason to not visit parents at least once a year, and call once a week! Honestly! OK I'm done whining.
(2)
Report

Samara, I'm glad it's not just me who feels that parents can grow apart from their children. My sister is very correct about who needs to be included in invitations, greetings, presents and what-have-you. She has this phrase: "her actual children and grandchildren" by which she means blood relatives, as opposed to in-laws and step children and partners etc., and she firmly believes that my mother would rather spend time with the "proper" ones than with anyone else, and that the "real" children are more important to her.

Well, now. My mother lives with me and my ex-SO (it's tricky but we're coping), and he has done more for her and eaten with her and kept her company a hundred times more than either of her sons for more than five years. He's kind to her and she likes him. My SIL - ex-husband's sister - has come to visit and called and invited my mother to family events more than both of my brothers put together; and all of my ex-husband's family pay my mother more attention than most of her own do. But there's never any allowance for how much my mother might, herself, *like* particular relatives, it's always got to be done according to family order.

And I think that's hooey.

To be fair, I don't think it's hypocrisy, I think it's ignorance. My sister doesn't know what goes on in my mother's social life so perhaps she just doesn't know any better.

You don't think our brothers are blaming us for their no-shows, do you? Are we sitting there beaming disapproval at them and putting them off? Well. They're big boys. They can just handle it.
(3)
Report

i just dont celebrate holidays . never did really . the ex and kids would go see the inlaws on holidays and i would stay home and work on something . my helper , heather is broke as h*ll but she'll cook 80 bucks worth of food tomorrow . my friend betsy will bake a turkey and a ham and 80 % of it will sit in the fridge and be thrown out . i sometimes wonder what people use for brains . ill go work tomorrow and come home and chew on about 50 cents worth of brotchen rolls with butter on em . course im so cheap i cut my own hair . lol .
searching the world over to find a 5 lb bag of whole wheat flour cheap . its that time again and i dont wanna pay 5 . 50 for a bag of flour . oughtta buy some wheat from the feed mill and smash it with a brick hammer .
(1)
Report

Well.... Grrrr
(0)
Report

Yes, the pressure to observe a holiday with family.
(1)
Report

oh my gawd... I made it through the day unscathed and without arguing.

Mom, seriously, has not stopped pacing since yesterday. Yes, she was up ALL night long pacing... her legs are like giant tree stumps. She cannot stop though. This is so worrisome. None of her meds are slowing this down either.
(0)
Report

Today went relatively well. Mom made her cottage cheese salad and peeled apples for a pie. Older sis came over - she helped keep dishes done up and made the pumpkin pie...but forgot to put the eggs in, so that was kind of a flop, but we had apple pie anyway. Bonus - her a** of a husband stayed home - something all of us were happy about, including sis. She needed a break from him.

Mom, however, pulled her usual stunt of not wanting to go to the bathroom when told to, putting the pouty 2-year-old face/voice, and then going after both sis and I told her she needed to. She pulled it again with me tonight, refused to use the bathroom, saying she wanted to lay down but would be back up shortly and would go to the bathroom then. I was too tired to fight with her over it - and of course, she was back up in 5 minutes, peed on the bed and floor on the way to the bathroom. Told her when she got done changing ALL of her clothing and I changed ALL of her bedding and cleaned the floor that this has to stop. She agreed...but I know we'll go through all of this again tomorrow. I'll remind her, she'll resist it, I'll insist....ugh. So tired of the endless cycle.
(3)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter