I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
When my husband died, part of his family attacked me and his closest friends, as if assigning blame would give them a diversion. As if anger was easier for them to process than grief. We felt it brought my MIL and SIL closer together. They now had common enemies. (his death was unexpected and medical - in no way was anyone to blame)
Keep her blocked and grieve in your own way. She may regain perspective (I recently heard from said MIL) or she may find comfort in her anger (like my SIL) for decades. Your sister’s regrets are not yours to carry.
We were going to have one of those photo loops at my mom’s wake, but the whole thing fell through. It didn’t matter. She had a lovely service and many family and friends came to pay their respects. Im sure you had the same, even without all the photos. I’m sorry you’re dealing with sister’s anger on top of everything else.
I kind of identify in a small way because I’ve been dealing with a very difficult brother since moms death, getting in the way of cleaning out and selling mom’s house, and causing me angst at every turn.
But my caregiving days are over for now. Yours are not. You need a break and a great big ((((hug)))). I am praying for you. 🙏
I realise you are just venting. I really had to get something off my chest the other day - there were no solutions to be had - and it really took a weight off! It gave me the strength to deal with another day. Nevertheless, here's my tuppence worth!
I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with your sister's unreasonable behaviour, on top of grieving for your mother and trying to accept your father's situation.
I don't think that grieving is an excuse for bad behaviour. I think it is an excuse for her feeling upset over something that is really quite trivial - her family photos of Mum being left out - but it doesn't excuse how she treated you, especially when it was clear that the mistake wasn't even your fault - but even if it was.
Your sister is looking for people to blame, as is clear from her reaction to your dad's infection. That has more to do with her character and how she views life than the reality of the situation.
For what it's worth, I think that you have a healthy perspective on your father's condition. I believe in quality of life over quantity. At 95, your dad has had plenty of the latter; now, it seems that the former is coming to an end. Acceptance of the inevitable will help bring you peace.
You can't change your sister's perspective and you are not responsible for her happiness.
Just think about yours, as well as the thigs you can actually change and are genuinely responsible for. Work towards your own wellbeing.
Oh that’s scary . I hope the baby does ok .
I found out last night my next door neighbor who has had her ( never a smoker ) metastatic lung cancer “ at bay” with a daily chemo pill is no longer stable . Due to a couple of other medical issues , an infection in an open wound ( dying tissue at an old radiation site where the radiation severely damaged the circulation ) and a blood clot in her leg due to a recent bout of Covid , she can’t get IV chemo again yet . I feel bad for her . Also Her daughter recently finished heavy duty chemo and now is getting radiation fighting an aggressive breast cancer, 38 years old , with 2 very young children .
Continuing......
💝💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞
and the parents too!
I went and got mine and my mom's dinner at our country club the 1st full day without my phone and she had a panic attack while I was gone. Maybe it's a good thing she didn't have me during the 70s or even 80s. Overprotective parents of my generation wouldn't have lasted long the moment their kids left for college 40, 50 yrs ago.
I was gonna go to an event earlier today across town for literally a few minutes, but she pleaded with me not to go because I didn't have a phone. We initially considered having a friend come and watch her, but the friend was gonna go to the NH to help feed her 95 yr old mother at the time I was gonna leave the house. I brought up a couple of other friends of hers that could keep her company, but she wouldn't entertain it any further.
She got emotional and talked about how I didn't understand things from her perspective and pulled the "I got you this/that" card regarding the new phone, which is my birthday gift, and dinner every week from our country club. The phone is more out of necessity than desire and as far as the weekly country club dinner, it's always her preference, not mine. She's the one that gets that ball rolling regarding that dinner decision, not me. She has gotten me a phone and weekly club dinner, but she won't give me things like respected wishes, seriousness, and extra help, let alone give me my life back. Several months back, she talked about how various relatives have had at least one son and that I can mark it down when it comes to having a boy. She doesn't grasp my perspective and that if caregiving continues on, I'll be marking down being unmarried and childless instead.
She then talked about how she was "making strides" in her recovery prior to my dad's passing. We all know that was a complete lie and she had long started to be up and around the house on a less frequent basis by that point. She was also resisting calls by my dad to start PT and she would chew out her "best friend" in response to the PT suggestions. She was unmotivated before my dad passed, as well as paranoid over Covid.
Btw, the 6th anniversary of her becoming immobile was a few days ago and when I made note of it, she said it was water under the bridge. Her still being immobile and stuck in the den of our house say otherwise.
Ask Mom who else can she call if she did have an emergency?
Plus who would she call if you didn't come home on time.. (anyone can trip in the street, car breaks down etc)
Can she use the phone? Or does she have a personal emergency button?
Good luck with your follow up visit.
So happy for all involved.
The improvement in the baby grandson is some really good news!
Thanking God for answered prayers!
And thank you Cwillie for updating us.
Even so, there will be continued prayers for this little one.
I needed this good news!
I bought better filters for the furnace and a small but good air purifier for the bedroom. It's been raining a bit and I hope it rains more to clean the air, 🌧⛈🌦
nacy - road construction is a pain everywhere. It's all over the place in Edmonton.
Those of us who come from dysfunctional/abusive families face additional difficulties when caregiving.the people who abused us. Relationship problems are the biggest part of it for us and are a very legitimate issue.
So, cw, I disagree with you. I don't think there are an excess amount of relationship threads here. I think there are the number of threads that reflect the needs of the members of this forum. If we were not caregiving mentally ill and abusive people, we would not need this kind of support.
way - I understand being between a rock and a hard place as regards caring for a narc parent. It is a very difficult spot to be in.
geaton - yes!!! Thank you.
I agree . The families with the pleasant elderly person who agrees to hire help to come in the house or go to assisted living when they need help are not needing to come here for the same type of issues as those with a narc parent . It’s difficult to understand what that is like unless you’ve lived it .
I’ve tried to steer new posters away from the ‘everything’ thread to ask their own question. Also urge them to complete a profile. Perhaps we should not run with everything that comes from ‘newbies’. It turns the general threads into a one-off complaints session, not really what was intended. My 'whine moment today' is starting to seem like something we should all go 'gray rock' on! Like the other general complaints.