I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Only a few months ago sis was aware she was getting worse and even said she may have to go into a care home .
But she has crossed over the line to where she no longer recognizes any problems , and believes she is being placed “ too young “. She is stuck on the fact that Mom was in her late 80’s and grandma was 90 when they were removed from their homes. Since the phone call she has texted , “ I hope you get put away at 69 too and see how you like it “. She is in a perpetual loop about her age . She is not herself anymore at all .
MIL , uggh , DH is back to ignoring it again . Can’t blame him since she won’t listen . However , I personally would be trying to reach out to others , namely her partner’s son , his Mom’s primary doctor . DH , may eventually , try to reach out . If not, some disaster will force a change .
DH left messages with his aunt but she must have changed her number . She’s the one person we thought MIL may listen to .
Yes , PTSD is roaring for me the last two days for sure . Sis sounds a lot like Mom right now . Mostly I’m worried about my nephew who’s dealing with her in person . He’s very stressed out .
Nacy and Way, the cold and dark can definitely make troubles more troubling and you both have had more than your share. I want you to know that your sharing them has helped me understand things I didn’t before. It’s a layer of understanding I need and I appreciate.
The sun is shining after several days of fog! The frost is so sparkly I can almost not see the maple and oak leaves I neglected to rake off the lawn. Sunshine coming through the East windows makes everything feel more possible today.
Wonderful news about your new doctor possibilities! That is definitely reason to rejoice. Selfish beast that I am, I want you healthy for as long as possible so I can benefit from your wisdom and interesting life! You are a special lady.
Glad what I whine about helps , although your situation is different with caregiving for a spouse .
Your posts are very helpful as well , as the thought of needing to care for my spouse someday has crossed my mind , even though we are the same age . I’m trying to build up some reserve to be ready if needed.
Have decided to treat myself to wine this Christmas and try to keep my mind off my whines for a few days , baking and cooking .
But then I dread that feeling that will come back after the holidays are over .
Will be back to forever angsting , waiting for the other shoe to drop . It’s a waiting room I let myself get in too often since my parents got old . Even though they have been passed away awhile , I still can wander into that waiting room over many things . It’s like a flip switched permanently .
When we can no longer be shoveling snow, you will have peace if you can accept your limitations. You can do other things well, even better than when younger because of the wisdom that comes with age.
Of course you want to remain as independent as possible, for as long as possible. In many cases, I can still do lots of physical chores. But it may require a few days unable to walk, or too much pain, in bed. So, hiring out the chore allows me to function better by not hurting myself.
Ask some parents or grandparents at church to send over their sons to shovel snow in exchange for something you can give. They will want cash. At some churches, the Youth Pastor sends out teens to help the community at no charge, and calls it their "service of worship". Call the Youth Pastor up if you are snowed in.
Don't be too proud to reach out and ask for help. You are worth it.
Or, a senior center if you have one.
way - it's a tough time for your family. I am sure your hub will deal with it when the time comes, but in his way. Hopefully your nephew will have a chance to unwind now that his mom is placed. You too. Deep breaths. You can't shoulder it all. I know about the PTSD. In time it should lessen. Please try to focus on something else when the angst comes. The wolf you feed is the one that grows.(Old Cherokee saying.) You can work on not flipping that switch.
nacy - glad you are working on letting it go more and that your Thanksgiving was good. Walking always helps! What you said about you never know what tomorrow brings. Oh yes! Better to enjoy today as you can.
psue - pumpkins for the critters and sparkly frost are great. Thank you for the compliment. I think you are special too. Re looking after husbands, we all may face that and you are in spades right now. Be sure you look after yourself very well as you go though this period of your lives. Put yourself first as you need to. This is for your survival and also for him. So much about his care needs you in good shape. As well your dd and dgd need you. And you need yourself!
Hugs to everyone. Try to have a good day.
When there is rain, leaks occur with many of my neighbors.
One year, I called the fire dept. business line to ask for a referral to help my 90 y.o. neighbor with rain pouring into his home. Unexpectedly, they said that they will be right there, and draped his house, using their own tarp! Our Fire Department has been very helpful with many Senior Issues! (Sure I have told this before, but it is so kind of them, bears repeating.)
Wondering if there are unique ways to melt snow?
CWillie, Your neighbor is a real pain! You know those huge cement barriers used in streets to block cars? I would call the Public Works (in U.S.A.) --maybe you have an equivalent in Canada. Ask them to place a barrier that would re-direct the flow of paint and snow away from your driveway. Otherwise, you could place sand-bags to do the same. Be sure to paint the sandbags green! Is that too far-fetched?
I had a couple of whines a couple of days ago and have forgotten them. The blessings of getting older lol I guess they weren't that important.
I have just remembered one which illustrates to me the state of "service" pretty well everywhere. When I dropped into the drs office and found out there was a new dr I could see I asked for an appointment. She said drop in any time next week, you don't need one; I thought that was a bit strange but I followed instructions and dropped in Monday only to be told I had to have an appointment! OK Got it!
R called a service number regarding something and was asked his phone number. He gave it and she said. "That's not what I have". He asked what she number she had for him. She said "1 800..." and he broke in and said "That's your number". Silence for a while then, "Oh!"
“Hey, stop looking at me like that! OK OK, I’ll bring out bird seed! Don’t you dare perch over my clean car!”
Ana it must be awesome living out in the bush (if I am right about your home.) There are always lots of thing to do inside. As kids we used to go out and make snow angels. I'd like to do that again as long as there was something near to grab onto to get up. The birds are fortunate to have you cater for them.
nacy - it's like jumping to cold water. All at once. I don't like being out in the cold either. Wrap up warm now.
cw - "if we didn't have to drive in it or shovel it and we could just stay home when the temperature dips too low" That's me! Shop online, get it delivered, have someone to drive you or get an uber when you need to go out. Shovelling is done by someone else. Is it time for you to start looking for an easier living situation?
Like this one Golden:
"R called a service number regarding something and was asked his phone number. He gave it and she said. "That's not what I have". He asked what she number she had for him. She said "1 800..." and he broke in and said "That's your number". Silence for a while then, "Oh!"
**
I was calling the City, after several official government agencies denied having jurisdiction over the issue. The City referred me to a number for help. It was the membership organization that I am a member of who directed me to call the agencies responsible.
**
I pay my phone bill by phone. Today, the automated system said to call during business hours. If I did that, payment would be late on Monday.
I called back, and my payment was accepted.
**
So, I am going to count every little positive thing happening in my world.
1. Phone bill got paid.
2. Netflix cancelled my account and will refund the 3 mos. billed in error.
3. Saw the ophthalmologist who removed the tiny things on my inner eyelid,
after living with the irritation for a year. It was his idea, and is taken care of now.
4. There is no snow making my life even more challenging.
Yay!
Here, it’s rain and occasionally, ice. And it’s DARK. That’s the whine-worthy part.
I’m with Golden and Cw, I’ll stay indoors as much as I can. My cold tolerance has declined over the years. I do have a treadmill for exercise. So far this winter I’ve walked by it several times and said “hi”, usually on the way to the kitchen.
This morning is #3 lost this week.
We have so many stink bugs looking for a refuge indoors lately that when my earring dropped out of my ear and onto my shoulder I nearly jumped out of my skin!
Cant a girl enjoy a quiet moment with a cup of coffee without a jolt of adrenaline?
Good thing all my jewelry is crap.
psue -sunshine and warmth on snow can cause real problems. It melts the snow in the pastures and turns it to ice, Then the horses have trouble getting at the grass. Dark I like less, I walk the stairs and the underground parking lot in the cold weather - better than nothing. Sorry about the earring backs and the stink bugs Yuck! No bugs in the condo so far.
Good for you cw and nacy. I've dodged SAD so far but sunshine is always good.
LL - I can sit on my balcony in the sun all wrapped up with a warm cuppa.
Margaret - I wouldn't mind a little of it, but 107 is way too much!!!
Hard to believe but this morning at 8:02 am I got a call to ask if I needed help placing myself or my husband. For the previous couple of hours I had been surfing the web looking at multiple level care facilities in Edmonton. I like to plan ahead. Doesn't hurt be prepared. Who knows with R having prostate cancer which recurred after the first treatment, though he is doing well down with hormone treatment. Also re his severe concussion, I think has affected his behaviour a little.
Anyway, you'll never guess who the call was from.
Yup - A Place for Mom!!!! How did they get my phone number????
“Hello, how may I direct your call?”
”I want speak with (husband’s names).”
”That is not possible. Your name and message please? I’ll have him return your call on the number from which you called.”
”No, no, no! He can’t call me back.”
”Certainly he can. I have your number right here.”
”I must speak with him directly, now.”
”Oh nooooo. (dramatically) NOBODY speaks directly with Mr. -—-!”
Same script, 4 calls in rapid succession. And we haven’t had a single spam call since.
Margaret, a friend in Aus has been lamenting the heat. Wish we could split the difference.
Golden APFM called me too! Maybe I clicked on something I shouldn’t have?
I thought, well, yeah, could be nice to have some help looking for placement until the guy on the other end started asking for personal financial information. I told him “thanks, but I don’t think this relationship I going to work out” and hung up.
Nacy, things went pretty smoothly for the part of the neuro-psyche evaluation I was allowed to sit in on. It was cumbersome in that the doctor would ask DH a question, wait for an answer, then look at me for confirmation or rebuttal. It was a bit uncomfortable. I don’t know how the testing part went but DH said he thinks he failed.
We won’t get his findings for a couple weeks.