I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
My parents refuse to pay for someone to come over to their place to help. Dad tries to guilt the neighbors by him going out at 93 and running the lawn mower to mulch the down tree leaves. Sure enough when I was driving home from work, the neighbor across the street was bagging leaves in front of my parent's house. The neighbor didn't look like he was enjoying the work. He's probably thinking isn't it about time they move !!! And the neighbor was probably wondering why I wasn't out there doing that work....
The reason why I wasn't helping is two fold... it was my parents choice to remain in their large single family home so they need to take on the responsibility of the house themselves..... the second reason is there is no way that I can maintain two large yards, physically that ship sailed a few years ago. Wish my parents would dust off that old credit card and actually use it, they can easily afford to do so.... [sigh]
Like you had mentioned, your Mom has no timeframe, neither do my parents. But I work, I have my own doctor appointments, my own home to maintain, my own errands, pets to deal with, yada, yada, yada.... yet I will drop what I am doing to cater to my parents which throws my schedule behind. I got my parents spoiled silly. So now any hiccup in their timeframe they throw the guilt at me. I see some changes in the future.
No more trips to home Depot - they can deliver the ten bags of mulch and some neighbor kid can spread it.
Grocery list ready on Monday morning. If it's not on the list it will wait till next week. No appointments made unless approved by you otherwise they find other transportation.
No running out of medications, I believe they mail order anyway.
Close the post office box. your last rip there will be to close it and give the PO a forwading adress. they have a week to notify anyone who uses the PO adress of their home adress.
Make a list of trades people you know to be reliable and tell them to call them before you
if you don't want to do something the minute they ask tell them when you can do it it is something only you can do.
From now on they make appointments with you. that's fair on both sides.
Are you able to deal with people authoritatively at work or does every one use you as a door mat.. I guess not because otherwise you would not be a frequent flyer. use some of your authority with the parents. it will come as a shock but so be it.
This is the first season Dad never got any mulch. And he lived through it, the earth didn't stop spinning.
I need to go in for surgery in a couple of weeks, so I am going to milk that recoup big time. In a way I am glad this surgery is happening, I know that sounds strange. No running to that darn unnecessary post office box. No picking up groceries, the store will home deliver, yep there's a delivery fee.... it's that or you live off of raisin bran until I recover. Dad if you fall, have Mom dial 911, my sig other will be busy being *my* caregiver :)
My parents also complain that they are so bored. Well, yeah, they have no one to talk to except to each other.... well, I am not bored, I still have my career, and when my work is done, I don't have the energy to be Julie McCoy *your cruise director*.
As for groceries, our local grocery chain has on-line grocery shopping... what a godsend... it still takes me awhile to shop on-line but I can have a load of wash running... next day pick up at curb side or have home delivery. What a relief not having to climb through the grocery store... seems like the items my Mom like are either on the very top shelf where I can't reach, or on the very bottom shelf where it is hard for me to get back up :P
One draw back to on-line grocery ordering is that the service doesn't carry everything on my Mom's list... you'd think she would substitute, oh no, any other brand wouldn't taste right.... so I do wind up inside the store for her 4 bananas, her 5 red potatoes, chocolate chip muffins, and her chocolate fudge swirl ice cream. Hey, it's better than spending over an hour getting her whole grocery list and waiting to checking out.
I guess in my mother's particular situation, she's way above the limit for aid and attendance as well as medicaid, so... for the time being I need to hire more help for in home care and once again talk to her doc about the marathon pacing and sleepless nights. They take a toll on her as well as myself. For some reason her doc is against xanax? Why? yes, it's addicting but so what? If it shuts off some of the firing to pace then DO IT.
As far as being a paid carer for your parent.., I see nothing wrong with that. If the parent can afford it and doesn't want to go to a home, then go for it. There are many of us that left our workplace to care for our aging parent's... this means we no longer are putting into our Social Security. Where will our security blanket be when it's our turn? If my dad had not been dying from cancer and hadn't asked me to come I would still be living my life in FL. My dad asked me several times if I was sure this is what I wanted to do. His tired voice, coming from a man who never ever showed any weakness was my deciding factor. So, with that said, what I'm getting at is just this, if your parent (s) can afford to pay for HELP they should do just that. That is spending down enough as it is... if the inevitable is going to happen, then so be it. I personally do not want to die before my mother simply because I felt it wrong, or she was to damn cheap to spend some of HER money. It will give her more time in her home... less stress, less fear and more comfort. Least this is my opinion anyway.
I have become such a serious stick in the mud I can hardly stand myself. Going from a happy vibrant, semi attractive woman to a worn out old hag is - well, taking it's toll. I can only do so much for my mother... she would be appalled at all this if she could understand, trust me, I didn't get this way without her help :)
ff, I understand your plight, I really do... elderly CAN live on take -out and bakery items. Your parent's are prime examples of this. I know you're an only child and never had children so you may not know about this thing called "Tough Love".. "Dad, Mom, I love you but TOUGH, YOU need to start paying for services to make YOUR life easier thus allowing MY life to be easier". At their age and semi good health they should be enjoying and not worrying about spending.
Oh, I found that liquid Soft Scrub does the same as that expensive glasstop cleaner does for our stoves :) #kitchenhack
I honestly don't know how you all do it caring for a parent who does marathon pacing and those sleepless nights. I probably would have driven off a bridge by now.
pamz, you are welcome! I can only go on what my mother does... she pulls those all nighters a lot! We tried the seraquil route but it made her crawl around on the floor picking at fuzz balls. Yes, it did just that. There is a terminology called "Circadium Clock". So d*mn true...everything goes kafoohey and nights become days and exhaustion ensues.
Time for me to set up reminders on my Google calendar for her to go to the bathroom every hour and change her incontinence pad, etc. I get busy working and it's far too easy for me to forget that she hasn't gone to the bathroom in a couple of hours, and she doesn't remember either. (sigh)
For the past five years, my Dad has whined about the slow internet speed on his computer, he has trouble opening up his e-mail. He's blamed his email service [surprised AOL hasn't blocked his telephone number the number of times he has called]..... he's blamed his fairly new Dell computer [he wants an IBM computer, ah IBM hasn't made a computer in years].... but he has never blamed himself... he's on free dial-up.
We live in a huge metro area, so for Dad to try to get onto the internet using dial-up, it's like him riding a tricycle on the shoulder of the information highway and trying to merge with others speeding by going 200 mph.
Dad has checked prices with FiSO, with Comcast, etc. but he doesn't want to include TV in the bundle... he and Mom are too busy to watch TV.... say what?
Happy Belated Birthday!! Truly hope you had an awesome day :)
a 5 hr day is about my limit , 6 hrs if i really push it .
we worked for a 70 yr old lady once who made me feel like a wuss . she hit it from dusk till dawn every day . one day i watched her to see what she was accomplishing . she trimmed on one hedge bush for 5 hours . well fn duh !! idda trimmed the hedge in 15 minutes then lounge in the shade for the next 4.75 hours .
Looks like it's oatmeal until they decide to show up...
Once we started driving my parents six year ago, we were in for a surprise, they wanted to get out of the house at lease 2 to 3 times PER DAY.... now I understood why they were never home when I called. We did our best as we thought Dad's no-driving would be temporary, but eventually it became permanent. Then it was tough to cut back. Especially getting Mom to do ALL her grocery shopping at one store at one time.... no more going to 2 or 3 different grocery stores, and maybe a 4th if she had a coupon for soup.
Yes, the boredom. Oh those trips to Walmart or Target. Dad would take his cart in one direction, Mom will take her cart in another and had to shadow her so I could re-shelf the items she would pull off the shelf to take a closer look [she had lost most of her sight] and couldn't find where to put the item back. Or reach for this, or reach for that... that cane did come in handy for pulling boxes off the top shelf :)
Then it was time to check out. I had Mom sit down first so I could hunt for Dad. Ever try to look for someone in those huge stores? I would make 3 trips around before I found him. Then we would get back to where I left Mom, she got worried and started looking for Dad herself. Here we go again. I was so exhausted I could cry.
Those big box store trips are now history.... I know my parents enjoyed getting out, it was like going to Disneyland for them... but it became way too tiring for me... I couldn't do it any more. Now I get their list and I am in and out of the store in a half hour, instead of two hours. Now Target has free shipping so I might try on-line shopping. I rather *drive* my office chair up to my computer :P
i saw aunt edna today and asked her where her new hearing aid was . she said she threw it away . that little shock jock never did any such thing . the hearing aid works great she just got a little tender in her ear and crammed it into her purse for a while . i didnt even inquire further . i know she says crazy things to me just cause im as anti establishment and contrary as she is . edna is showing no signs of dementia or impairment right now and i thoroughly believe she'll be around and doing well come springtime . nh is keeping her quite healthy with good monitoring of vitals and good medication . i think i know a way to get her out of there come springtime . pia and cuz terry are both on disability . their income combined buys em about 2 nights a month in a bar . ill simply bribe the sob's with cash or the inevitable automobile repair . time ( and piston wear ) is on my side. they are petty , jealous , and vindictive people . theyre own character flaws will be their undoing ..