I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Have fourth parent, my FIL.....And only one with Alzheimer's.
New thing for him, now cannot get him to get dressed! Stays in his pajamas all day, and tries to wear them in public too! I have to scream at him to put clothes on & his sneakers! Since he wants to wear his slippers out in public too :(
Big hugs to all ! I need to go cry, This is the hardest job ever. Hands down.
homebound,
ya gotta learn the art of compromise . elders are beyond trying to impress people . let the old fellow wear what he wants . i wear insulates at home in the winter and briefs in the warmer weather and i dont give a dam whos visiting . my briefs arent revealing at all and everyone i know seems to be ok with it . comfort is going to be my only concern when i get older . i have actually worn briefs into stores a couple of times . just squeak the a - shirt down a bit and do my store business . still nothing as revealing as women wear in public in warm weather . screw societys norms , its a new day with new solutions .
speaking of attire tho i nearly died laughing at the comment section on a ferguson missouri story last week . the blacks were chanting " hands up , dont shoot " . the commenters were chanting " pants up , dont loot " . im not a racist at all but seriously if i punch a cop in the face about twice i expect to be shot to death . that cop has a right to return to his family at the end of his shift . either way it will be nice to see all law enforcement wearing lapel cameras because L - E clearly attracts many sadist control freaks .
Oh yeah.... no need to scream at any elderly person for what they choose to wear. Only thing it does is make YOU more upset. Besides, be grateful they can STILL dress themselves in whatever it is. Hey, I too have went to the store in my jammies... just threw a coat on and off I went. Nobody looks twice especially when it involves the elderly here.... small towns are lovely that way and I so appreciate it. I cared more how mom looked than anyone.... now, If she's happy, I am happy and who gives a *&5$ if she's wearing her warm fuzzy Christmas jammies in Safeway.... not me (anymore)
Oh, I won the "find my dentures" game!
Uh oh.... pain killers are killing more people than ever, according to the CDC... jumped from 6000 a year to over 15,000 bummer
There's an independency factor that he's letting go. Getting dressed (let alone washed) are independencies, soon as we let them slack OR stop all independencies, it does get worse.
Unless they are physically incapable of dressing due to being bed bound/etc, we cannot let them do this! He's paving the path to permanent placement a lot sooner for himself.
His social worker was just here, and he wouldn't even get dressed after I told him to prior to her coming. Now, of course she had to document this new trend of his.
This is our fourth parent under our roof, trust me I know about nursing & the importance of simple independent tasks such as getting dressed when capable . Caregivers are to "encourage" to keep as much independency as possible. If not, we are not helping them !
I read your brief bio and saw he suffers from dementia, right? Certain things are just NO longer important to them... why should he get dressed for his social worker? Why is someone documenting his desire to be comfy in his pj's? He's not paving his pathway to a NH... if he has dementia it is not his doing. You cannot scream at a dementia patient and expect that person to respond AS YOU WISH. Not happening.... as this is your 4th parent under your roof... it sounds as if you are paving his path... rightly so as i am pretty sure you are pretty tired of it by now. Still.... if he has dementia, you can't blame him.
Last year my Dad needed a new computer printer, so we took him to the closes office supply store, variety of printers, he found one that did everything he wanted.... he saw the price and said he wasn't paying that... he wanted to go to another office supply store where he thought he could get the same printer $5 cheaper.... I wanted to bang my head against the wall, where's my helmet?
Hey, Happy Birthday, Captain :)
my mom always wanted to return half of everything she bought . i dont think it was buyers remorse as much as just seeking for the most perfect item and fit . i dont care for that and consider it a bit unfair to the retailers . after all dressing rooms are available . i refused to take things back for her . if i make a less than perfect purchase i feel i need to put more effort into researching what i need to begin with .
thanks for the birthday greeting freq . birthdays are a little happier occasion now that the hepc has been eradicated and theres the possibility of many more birthdays to come . my freakin liver is regenerating itself and feeling great . i worked hard right thru the muscle burning fatique for years , this is a real treat to see muscles building and my brain working better . next spring ill have the energy for a pretty veg garden again . tomatoes and opium poppies . lol
can we import those? really?
Like you... we fall in that middle category of oblivion.
to quote eddie murphey, " put an alligator in your butt , a radiator , in your butt , said see you later , in your butt " ..
Boy, did Mom ever have a bad day yesterday. Seriously hoping today is better, but it's not starting off that way.
I told her she should get up and get cleaned up and dressed - she sat in her chair for another hour or so, not moving, despite my saying a couple of times she needed to get dressed. Finally, she gets up, and I find that her protective chair pad is yellow with urine stains - again - and I mean SOAKED. Good thing it didn't go through to the chair, because she really saturated it. So I follow her to the bathroom and find out she didn't put an incontinence pad on sometime during the night, and that's why the chair was soaked. I try to get her to get in the shower to get cleaned up, but nothing doing - she showered yesterday, she says, and isn't showering again until tomorrow. So I have her at least wash up and get dressed.
Trip 1 out of the bathroom: Mom still has her nightgown on. I ask why she's not dressed, and she looks confused, then looks down and pulls up her nightgown to reveal she has pants on under it. Oookay...back to the bathroom for her top.
Trip 2: Mom comes out fully dressed, but when she walks past me to her chair, I turn my head towards her and see that her shirt is stuck into the waistband of her pants, which allows me to see that she has her underwear on over her pants!! Back to the bathroom. Mom was *really* embarrassed by this and chuckled over it a bit, but I could tell it really concerned her - she kept saying, "That's really bad..."
Trip 3: She gets the "outer" underwear off and opens the bathroom door to come out - I decide to turn around from my desk and see if all is well before she makes the trip out to her chair (to save her some steps!) - only to find she is about to start walking with those damn underwear wrapped around her ankles! OMG. So I tell her to STOP RIGHT THERE, DON'T MOVE! and help her get those off - she had no idea they were there. A major fall waiting to happen.
Trip 4: Mom ends up BACK in the bathroom when I smell a strong odor of urine emanating from her chair, and discover that yes, she put underwear on under her pants, but no incontinence pad, so the chair pad is wet - AGAIN.
Not a good day. I'm beginning to question the wisdom of taking a trip to see my son for a few days and only having someone check in on her a few times a day - thinking I may need to actually hire someone to stay during the day. (sigh) Starting to look like my trips are going to be few and far between if I have to pay for travel, lodging, food, and someone to stay with mom.
Now whenever my parents say there were overcharged, I will dig into my own pocket and give them the difference saying I will go to the store at a later time... I never go back to the store, it's not worth the trip nor my time for a $1.00 difference in price.
I was thinking - someone should make a Monopoly-style game called "Care-opoly". Each player is assigned a game piece that represents their aging loved one or the person they provide care for, and they have to work their way around the game board using rolls of the dice and landing on spaces that require a card be drawn to dictate their next action. "OOPS! Mom had an accident - skip two turns while you clean up and do the laundry." or "Dad took a fall - lose a turn (and possibly your job) while you take time off to get him to the hospital and arrange for after-care at home." and more positive cards, saying things like, "Mom remembered things from her childhood and regaled you with sentimental stories today - move ahead 2 spaces!" or "Dad remembered to take his pills on time and showered without anyone nagging him - award yourself $200!" Not sure what the requirements would be to "win" the game, though....no one really "wins" in the REAL game, unfortunately.
I wish I had something to blame Mom's recent behavior on, other than the obvious - age related dementia. I was hoping today would go better than yesterday, but she just came out of the bathroom, tossed her wet pants into the dirty clothes hamper (they weren't wet when she went into the bathroom...) and then walked out into the living room with NO PANTS ON. I asked her why she didn't have any on, and she said, "Because there weren't any clean ones in the bathroom and these were wet!" - I told her she needs to call me when that happens so I can get her clean clothes, and she just shrugged. I told her she should go back in the bathroom so I could get her clean pants, and she said, "Nope. I'm fine. I'm going to lay down now." Argh. This is a whole new low in her behavior. For it to happen just occasionally is one thing....but two days in a row of this is something new.
Can I just say I hate this dementia monster and what it does to our loved ones? Not to mention what it does to US as caregivers?
Very nice to read that they are both coming together and it's working out now... slowly the stress will ebb away.... ahhhh
that just reminds me of some of the craziness that we have dealt with especially where dementia was a factor . this is a small example but a very real one where personal sanity is concerned . one day i took mom to wendys to get her a jr cheeseburger . seeing all the dark tinted windows at wendys she determined that someone had knocked all the windows out of the restaurant . far be it for me to try to argue with her . i just suggested that maybe the drive thru was unaffected . sure enough the drive thru was still working like clockwork . my mother has been gone for 16 months and let me tell ya my personal sanity is still something i have to actively nurture every day of my life . it matters not that you visited insanity as a close spectator and caregiver . that insanity leaves your mind questioning everything that travels thru it on a day to day basis .
i guess you learn from it tho . a couple of days ago when i asked edna where her hearing aid was and she told me she threw it in the trash , my immediate thought was " forget it shock jock girl , youre amateur crazy in comparison to your sister " ( my mother ) ..
it reminded me of an old " kiss " tune entitled " SHOCK ME " .
ill always treasure the year edna and i hung out on almost a daily basis . my phsyc doc said edna was doing me as much good as i was for her . those were some heavy words that im still digesting to this day .
i loved dementia caregiving but man it leaves your brain literally without range posts . there are no parameters , just knock that wall down , slap in a load bearing header and have it your way . pass go and tell em to cram their 200 bucks ..
Mom told me the other night that it must be cold out, because "the windows sound funny". I asked if the windows were making noise or something, because you know how it is with old houses - there's an occasional "pop" or "tick" noise from things settling, etc. Nope, she said - she couldn't explain it, they just "sounded different".
I still have no idea what she was talking about. I just nod and smile and say, "OK Mom...."