I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
These are the ones who do not read the answers people have already written. it must be very frustrating for the posters desperately seeking information to see a new answer and then read the same thing three posters back already suggested.
But I agree. Though, also, on the other hand, if five different people tell you the very same thing you start to feel they're onto something, no?
conversation jumps around . i read the posts about downsizing this am , worked for a couple of hours and came back with my thoughts on the subject . its a subject ive given a lot of thought to for years . meanwhile people go blind and their hearts blow . that doesnt alter my train of thought . im trying to sell miniature houses half buried in the earth .. ill do it too . monster homes in the uk are already losing value because of upkeep and heating - cooling costs . im 20 yrs ahead of my time and have known it for 20 yrs . affordable multigenerational dwellings can solve a lot of problems from income insecurity to elder care , even family provided child daycare ..
im a real one tracker is what im sayin .
oh well . read something useful from a former hepc sufferer today . she said that the quest for certainty keeps our minds in constant turmoil ( essentially ) . i can use that advice as im always trying to predict or manipulate the future . there arent any guarantees i should know that by now .
I really think it's more that she simply doesn't care and doesn't want to do these things, and before I moved in, she *wasn't* doing them - wasn't showering, wasn't washing, wasn't wearing incontinence pads, etc. (You can imagine how the house smelled - it's much better now.) She wasn't doing dishes, laundry or housework, either - she made Dad do it all, and he was in a wheelchair. (That's a long story, but I suspect that was her punishment for his past wrongs.) I've been here for over 2 years now, and it's still an issue. I don't expect it to get better - I really think it's just part of the dementia issue. It will only get worse. All I can do is roll with it. Some days are just worse than others. Yesterday wasn't too bad. Today...well, not so great. At the very least, she didn't fight me on the shower - she even let me hose off her bottom with the hand-held shower. I set it on the hard spray setting and let her have it, which made her giggle, and I teased her about it being a super-powered bidet. LOL (You gotta laugh at these things....)
As I sit here reading, listening to mom asking me for the hundredth time, to please take her home, got me wondering or pondering once again, what in the hell am I going to do after this? My floor is cluttered with tree decorations...we've been working on it for 2 days now, but... no spirit. Downsizing. I have no need for 3 tubs of decorations. No need for many of this stuff anymore. I am a giver... so I shall do my best to give a lot of this stuff away. My belongings as well as my parent's. They don't need or want it ... Dad isn't here... why am I hanging onto this stuff? Dad used to love to pull out his odd and unusual finds.... we, as kids loved it. Now it seems to be ... too much :( I hope dad understands. Time for change.
Susan, those bathroom rituals are going to get worse. Dementia peeps "forget" basic training. Tissue? Wipe my butt? Sadly that, in my experience was the first to go. This is going to sound a bit crude BUT ( no pun intended) you have a cat, right?...dog?... they don't wipe their butt's and we accept them, cuddle them and they sleep in our bed. Gross, right? My p/t carer is getting mom a "heated" baby butt wipe contraption for Christmas. She won't use it, but I will (for her). Guess I'm saying... pick those battles now, they do get worse. As they get older they don't need to shower as often... thin skin, non sweating and so on... not to mention the dreaded cold/flu!
I'm babbling... wishing she would get sleepy, she won't... my fault, I let her snooze since she wasn't feeling well. Sigh. Wahhh.... small pity party :(
I wish I knew just where the hell she wanted to go... God knows I'd take her. Alas, she just marches on with her own infinite pacing abilities that leave me gobsmacked. Bless her heart. Guess me and the pooches will curl up on the couch and keep her company? wahhh...
Ohhhhhhhhhh..........yes, back to downsizing. My New Year's resolution.
Also on the "hating everything" today. I'm sure I'll be fine by tomorrow, but today - not on your life. I have a list of things I need to do as long as my arm and not one of them includes anything for ME. Am I having a pity party? Yes, I probably am, but at the moment, I don't care. I know I put myself in this caregiving position with Mom - but it's who I am - if something needs to be done, I jump in and do it, regardless of the sh*tstorm it causes in my own life. I've always been this way. Some days I wish to God I could be as selfish and self-serving as some of my relatives and just drop by now and then to visit Mom and not have to worry about her bathroom needs, her dirty laundry, her meals, cleaning up after her, reminding her to put on an incontinence pad - and now, a new thing - HOW to put on clothes and in what order. It must be nice to have the luxury of just going where you want, when you want, not having to worry about whether or not you'll find Mom on the floor when you get back from a quick trip to the store!
Sorry folks. I'm not a happy person today. I appreciate the listening ear and forgive me for complaining so much. It's just getting to me lately.
Of course in the olden days, with that sort of day, you could just think bugger it I'm going to the pub. What do we do now? Remind ourselves that tomorrow is another day..?
Susan, those FB posts are the worst! It's like a code or something... one must always post happy cheerful fa la la thoughts and actions! I know this sounds awful of me, but I deleted and blocked all my family members aside from my son. I could care less what they're doing and the fun they're having... it was making me seethe inside and I'd rather not hate on them forever so *Poof* begone. I hope the grouchies subside for you Susan...it is perfectly normal and understandable tho and probably good for the soul :) of course, so would punching someone but... lesser of two evils eh?
An old work friend was having a "FB Make-up Party"... yep, a facebook virtual party is the only party I can attend these days... anywho, I ended up buying a few items knowing that I rarely wear make up anymore!! Good grief...
Hope you had a good time at the wedding Jess..hope the drive home wasn't too bad either and your momma didn't end up in the trunk and you blasting George Straight! haha, love that entire CD!!
CM, if we where to say "oh bugger this" and go to the pub and remind ourselves that tomorrow is another day, does this mean we get to go to the pub twice??
Cap, I think you're right - it's a constant barrage of demands, working 60+ hours every week for my clients plus the time I spend doing things for Mom, trying to keep up with the housework and laundry (which seems to be breeding and multiplying moment by moment - I swear, the laundry is like rabbits here), and then trying to get some sleep while "hearing" every move she makes all night long...the only way I get any deep - REALLY DEEP sleep - is to drug myself somehow, either with a sleep aid, nyquil or a strong rum n' coke. (And oh my gosh I must need one now, because I seriously typed that wrong and made myself burst out laughing. Mom's looking at me like I'm nuts. Exchange the "c" and the "r"...that's what I just typed. I think I shall call my drinks that from now on. LOL)
I did sneak out for a bit tonight to get groceries, and that must be what I needed - I feel a LOT better than I did earlier today. I think I just needed a break, however small it might be.