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Oh Jeanette...sorry to hear about your mom's fall. Hopefully it's an isolated incident and not something that continues to happen. Maybe she was just tired from all the pacing/standing she does?
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katnmouse, when my dad had Alz, I realized quickly that asking him questions brought him frustration and hurt as he sensed he should know the answer but couldn't bring it out. It was hard to see his pain when people, not understanding the illness, would ask him things or to do things he couldn't. I can see where my posting could be interpreted quite differently than I intended, if one assumed my mom also had dementia. She is presently pretty clear minded and was carrying on conversations fine, so these questions were not a problem for her to answer. She's a very angry lady these days, part an understandable anger at the effects of aging on her body and life, and part because she truly expects us to make her life as it was many years ago. I guess my hurt yesterday was from my family and I having spent the past 18 years taking really good care of her (as well as giving her a wonderful quality of life) and her words are constantly indicating that it just doesn't count for beans.

kat, I am really sorry for what you're dealing with. There is such an inherently different emotional pain in having one's spouse ill and with such a sad illness.
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Linda22. There are so many lessons still for me to learn. We are still our parents child, we still need their love and appreciation. My heart goes out to those of you that try to do all the right things but get nothing good in return. Funny thing happened with my Mom recently, She gave us fair warning that she suspected she would be a very cranky, mean old lady (she is 82 now, LOL). She asked us in advance to forgive her future bad behavior. I think that was a wonderful gift to us.
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I feel sorry for those who do the right thing, but never get anything in return like a loving parent would do which their parent had never done and they expect their parent to suddenly change in old age. I've read many on this site who have done this to the own self-destruction as well as the destruction of marriages, etc.
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OMG! I just almost ran over my mom's yorkie. I called my husband that I was returning to the house so he would get up all the dogs in the house before I opened the gate.He told me he phoned mother who was down in the basement in her art studio that I was on my way home and to keep her 2 little dogs inside with her. Just as I pulled into the backyard here came her 2 little dogs, and she is standing on the patio screaming at me, I almost had a heart attack.She said my husband told her I was driving to the back yard to pick her up (then why in the H*LL would you let out your dogs).I never pick her up in my truck,always the golf cart.Oh Lord I would have had to leave the state, she would have never forgiven me and I still have probably at least a 90 mile round trip in holiday traffic up and down an interstate to take her to the eye MD she just had to see or die today,couldn't wait until after the holidays,haven't prayed in a while but praying for patience and hold my tongue.
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No, no mini stroke according to the ER doc. Her legs just gave out and she toppled over. She had bobby pins in her hair and I do believe those attributed to the cut. 2 staples... did you know they don't even numb your head, just staple it? I thought that was a bit harsh... but ok.

She see's her primary doc first of next week. He needs to give her something a bit stronger to help her sleep at night. This just can't continue, it's too harmful to her well being. She needs to gain some strength back... I know she's tired. I just hate this stuff... just hate it. I couldn't get her in my SUV ... had to ask the neighbor guy to help me lift her in, bless his heart, he just scooped her right up and in she went. Then he gave me the biggest heartfelt hug. I just cried like a baby.

Yeah, it bothers me also when people question her. Even the dr and nurse where asking her silly questions even though I told them she can't answer them. You can see the frustration in her eyes... just stop there and simply ask me.

Well, I guess it's time to find a nice lightweight wheel chair for her. How do I solve the issue of getting her in my vehicle? Oh... she's also very rigid like? I asked them yesterday what is causing her rigidity? Why is the answer always "old age"?
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kat, while I'd certainly like my mom's love and/or appreciation, I've gotten used to the love being conditional and appreciation not there due to a sense of entitlement. What's creating the emotional ruckus for me is that she's expanded her aura of negativity and anger to my husband and all the grandkids. Since my husband's PD diagnosis, we've made life changes and adjust daily as needed. This has meant much less free time for me, so less frequent outings for Mom and shorter ones at that. I can see her being disappointed, but her anger at him for being ill sits badly with me as I see him with this illness.
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Lois' husband sounds similar to my husband. Mine is always cold now. I put the electric blanket in the easy chair, but he gets up and starts balling the whole thing up and then tries to walk away with it. He won't take off his coat without a lot of coaxing. I purchased pants with flannel inside and put a thermal shirt over his t-shirt. When I finally get him in bed, I fix two covers over him and then he balls them up and mostly ends up sleeping with his bathrob. Some nights I have to put the fan on so I can breath! He keeps telling me he is going for a job tomorrow so he can bring some money into the home. But he cannot explain where he is going for this job or what he will be doing. Nice thought though! Most nights he wakes up and asks me who I am and do I know who he is? Every evening as it get dark he gets really gets in the zone. He follows me around and says he wants to talk to me. Just me and him. Nothing big, nothing serious. Just me and him. Then he asks me where are we going to sleep and if I are we sleeping together. You can really be nasty to me at times, he says, but I love my wife. I love my wife. I love you and you are so beautiful.Then he will repeat that until I tell him to stop. We've been married over 30 years. Then he apologizes over and over again. He asked me how ol I was last week and when I told him I was 60 he almost feel out of the chair. It was a funny moment. Far and few between. I tell him I need to put him to bed so he can relax. Lois said with her every day is something different. With me, everyday is the same old thing. Over and over and over and over. But I do tell him he is repeating himself and most times I cannot even make sense of what he saying. Sometimes that will make he stop talking for a while. I am going to stop now because I could go on and on. Thanks for all your experiences, it helps to know that I am not the only one going though this. ( Demented may have been the word you were looking for.)
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Sorry that post was so long. I didn't realize.
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I'm realizing something disturbing... most doctors attribute almost everything to 2 things. Stress and age. My ailments are all stress related. Mom's is age. I call BS on that. She's not that old... 79 and not everything is age related nor AD related. Certainly enhances things... awful that Dr's label it this way.
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Jeanette - the Overstock website and Amazon will have lightweight transport chairs (that's what they're called - transport chairs) for around $150 - possibly less. They're smaller and lighter than traditional wheelchairs. I bought one for mom.
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I have had a transport chair for my parents for the past 13 years. Best caregiving money we ever spent! I got a good one through an independent pharmacy (mom and pop). I think it is an Everest and Jennings. It has carried my mom and dad through innumerable trips here and there. And I can put it in the trunk of my car easily.

My heart truly goes out to you with loved ones with Alzheimers. What you live with on a day-to-day basis would take a saint to deal with.I wish I could hug each one of you; you are angels on earth.
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Henzoo, I appreciate what you are going thru. The talking, almost chanting is not every night but often enough. We have funny moments though. I love it when he doesn't like his food and tells me to tell that woman that was in the kitchen (me) that the food was terrible. I promise to tell her never to cook that again.
I mangled a watermelon one day, after I had clean up the mess and was back in the livingroom, hubby came in and was trying to tell me that THAT WOMAN in the kitchen didn't know what she was doing and made a big mess (so true) LOL
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Oh, Henzoo, I totally relate! It got so that we could joke about which Lois I was - on any day. "So, who do you think I am today, Honey? Your Lois, or that other Lois - she better watch out. If I catch her here in MY place she could be in danger!" He would actually laugh and ask me which one I was. I would answer that I am the one he married and did he believe me... He would answer "If you say so."

About the coldness. He was hypothyroid, tho his blood tests were supposedly OK. After reading about it on several internet medical sites, I tried Iosol Iodine - just a few drops a day. The Dr. said it would not hurt him and it really helped.

He never registered a 98.6 degree body temperature- one sign that the iodine was needed.

He's been gone now for three months. I miss him, but know that he is at peace and where he said he wished to be, daily. We were married nearly 71 years - quite a big change.

Good luck - take care of yourself and don't wait too long to get help - do not run yourself down! Big hug going your way...
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Lois, your words and wisdom always inspire me and put a smile on my face. :) I can't imagine being married that long... such a lovely lady with wonderful memories .

kat and henzoo... although I care for my mother and I know it's not the same as a spouse but... I hate to say it's refreshing to read that others are doing what my mother does but it kind of is. Solely in the I'm not alone category. The chanting and endless pacing had me buggy.

I've noticed that the changes in her aren't that subtle anymore either. We are not supposed to go by the "stages", however, with this mobility issue and rigidity starting I'd say 7a. Between my carer and myself we try and keep her movements going... we toss a beach ball back and forth and use those rubber band things to strengthen arms n legs.

Susan, thanks for the Overstock tip! I did order her one. A folding lightweight pretty blue one with a built in seat belt. Now I need to find a transfer board and an easier way to get her in the SUV. However... we have a program her called Dial-a-Bus. For $2.00 bucks they'll take us anywhere... especially Dr. Appointments. They have a lift and everything so it will make it that much easier on both her and I.

Lois is right, if you can get more help it is imperative to do so and find ways to make it a little easier. No point to run ourselves down if we can help it. Easier said than done... I know
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Ladies I wonder if it's "sundowners" it's when a persons behavior changes....do they have dementia?
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Sundowning is something that happens to many people who have Alzheimer's. When the sun fades and night sets in, there is an increase in agitation and anxiety, often with psychotic symptoms -- e.g., seeing or hearing things, irrational thoughts, extreme behaviors. We will probably know they have dementia from noticing other things (loss of memory and reasoning ability) before we will see sundowning. Many people with dementia do not have sundowning. There is one other thing I can think of that has symptoms similar to sundowning and that is a urinary tract infection (UTI). Behaviors with the UTI are not so dependent on time of day, however.
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I just feel awful today. My sister is here since Wednesday and she has been so anxious and over the top that sometimes she is really causing more problems I feel bad because I know deep down she is trying so hard. But maybe a little too hard. She has been in her own world in San diego. Now she hired a caregiver and doubled her hours from 6 to 12 a week. I know how much I appreciate it tremendously. She has been coming up when mom has dr appointment and staying a couple of nights. She overreacts to everything and it just makes my anxiety worse. she is paying for everything. I know she is trying to make up for the last year and half for not being here but I just needed to get it off my chest. I do appreciate what she is doing. I guess that we just cannot spend to many days together. Before her and the companion it was just me so I need to put on my big girl panties and get over it. Thanks for listening.
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Fligirl, I feel for you - you've just got things taped and running smoothly, and the last thing you need (though the help is nice!) is a newbie stressing and dramatising around you. But it will pass - once she feels she's caught up some of her lost ground and gains some confidence in sharing your mother's care, she'll settle down. Maybe remember how hard it was when you first started major caregiving? She's like you were back then, only with extra guilt on top, perhaps?!

Don't for heaven's sake do what I do and feel every suggestion she makes as a criticism of what you've been doing - it can make you into a very prickly person indeed. I'm trying to do better.
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Has anyone heard from freqflyer? She dropped in briefly after her surgery, but I haven't seen her since. I've been thinking about her the past couple of days, hoping she is okay.
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I was wondering the same thing today, Jessie. Hopefully she'll stop by and check in.
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My whine today is after all being up since 130 am, with dad...we left to meet the hearing aid man at 830, to adjust moms hearing aids. Yep.. he did not show, Oh yeah he was all about service and such when we bought them.... So I called him.. he was very sorry.. etc... at another office waiting for us,, all his fault..POOH!! said he will try to get this done before Christmas... Had to call Dad's Dr as his sleeping is still all screwed up. They can see us next week. but to try the seraquel again. It worked great for 2 nights.. then we had to double the dose and it made things worse. Then we tried some advice from the site and tried OTC sleeping pills.. oh no! He fell last night and was very angry!. We have kept him up most of today.. but he is asleep in his chair as I type..LOL Hopefully we all sleep tonight!
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My usual happy hour with dad at his AL. While he is away from his room I usually do a quick check to see what he is rearranging. Lots today. Hung up pants, found a sweatshirt in his end table drawer. Will have to search for his wallet-nothing valuable in there anyhow. But he took somehow his electric razor heads off. I figured out hiw to put back together. Another resident's son comes every day to see his mom and he does chat a little with dad-that is really nice! And Santa came to visit everyone this afternoon!!
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My whine moment today is mom's constant insistence that everything is a bug. My house is far from dirty - but yes there are spots of dust, dirt, hair or lint on floors, carpets, couch etc sometimes. I spend all day going around picking up little things because every little speck is a bug to her :( It wears me out. She will not let her feet (in socks) touch the floor, she has to roll her pant legs up to her knees when pulling down her pants to sit on the toilet so that her pants don't touch the floor, she tucks her pj legs into her socks at night so that bugs don't crawl up her pants. UGH I haven't seen a single bug in my house since summer time when the occasional moth or spider wanders in. When she eats she picks out every speck of seasoning, every little area that may have browned in cooking - she ends up with a pile of little things all over the edge of her plate because of course all of these things are bugs too. Sigh.
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My mother got her social security statement for next year. People got a 1.7% COLA increase, but this translated into a $2 a month raise in her check for next year. She drew $1505 a month last year. Next year it is $1507. The increase in Medicare premiums took all the rest.
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Same here Jesse!! One simply cancelled out the other!
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Better wake him up pamz! A one hour nap = up all night :/

ttc10. My mother can't see the 5 ft totally lit up tree 5 feet from her, but oh holy night, let her see a dark spot on the ceiling, floor, carpet...wall at 30 feet! It always amazes me how she does that? I guess the fear of bugs runs deeper than... uhm, who their children are?

Where did cap go? Is he hanging out with ff and hope?

I'm going to whine about my brothers, again. You know, I bit the dust and called my oldest yesterday morning... seemed mom had scooted onto the floor during the night and I wasn't able to immediately get her up off the carpet. She'd hand a very long/hard 2 days as did I. I called and asked if either him or his NON WORKING wife could just stop by and help me... told him about her fall the day before and the staples... well, guess what. He couldn't stop by, he said he was working... hmmm, his work is seasonal and usually doesn't work for 5 months during the winter... ok, I get it. He also said he was not working today and probably not for months... ok, got it. He called his wife... she finally called me 30 some minutes later... bottom line. We got zero help even though I finally reached out and asked... damnit. This is why I hate asking them for anything. I know they were all home today... could either one of those 3 even bother to call to ask about mom? I don't know why I even bother with them anymore. This will sound very harsh, but I will never ask them again for anything. Nothing. When I have to go to the neighbors, bless their souls and can count on them more than her own beloved sons?... oh hell no.
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Same here ladies. Mom netted a $5/mo increase. Woop woop. Maybe we'll go to Micky D's and hit the dollar menu.

I was talking to a home care nurse the other day about setting up an evaluation for Mom, and we got around to the topic of social security income, and how when one spouse passes, the survivor keeps the larger of the two social security payments. What the government doesn't seem to understand (or care about) is that the surviving spouse *still* loses a significant chunk of money every month. Most couples have their bills and lifestyle based on 2 incomes - so when one of them dies, the survivor is left scrambling. In Mom's case, she is left with *just* enough to cover her monthly bills - but not anything extra - like FOOD. Or vehicle repairs, gas for the vehicle, house repairs and maintenance. Not to mention clothing, incontinence pads and things like that. I pay for all of that. If I hadn't moved in, where would she be? She makes too much for food stamps (which is pretty incredible), and she couldn't rely on the local food bank all the time.
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Question if you care to answer. Medicare did increase, so did SS like above mentioned. Did your loved ones Part B also Increase? Mom has Humana... waiting for that one to come in. she already pays 350.00 a month for it. I pay 475.00 through the Federal Government and hardly every use it. Too busy taking mom.
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Are you asking if the premium for Part B increased. I believe the premium for Part B in 2015 is the same as it is for this year. $104.90
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