I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I think because of a lot of the things that happened around the time that Daddy passed over 18 years ago now, that is a huge part of why I have so much deep seeded hurt about this particular group of folks...The night before my Daddy passed, the ex SIL and her mother came to our home and literally tried to remove my Daddy and take him to the hospital against my Mama's wishes...and my brother was right in there with him. I calmly took them out in the yard and tried to just talk to them that there was nothing that could save Daddy and he did not want to die in the hospital..I told them I know it's hard and you want what's best for Daddy (not believing it but trying to maintain some reason) and the SIL told me to shut up and that she was about to whip my sorry behind all over the front yard and back....so that is the usual response I got from trying to be reasonable...and why the anger is so deep, but again, as you said, it doesn't hurt them but me, and right now all that matters is that I remain as calm and steady as I can for Mama's sake.
Yesterday's issue didn't escalate until during the course of our "talking" my brother told me I ought to be ashamed of myself and one day I would regret the way I behaved....??????????? wth?????? so he knows how to push the button and considering they have done absolutely nothing emotionally, physically or financially to help during this past three plus years, nor any of the ten years prior before Mama just needed errands run here and there and help now and then, that did it....
Ahhhh, still, I hate it when I allow my anger to come out in such an unbecoming way, because it does kind of feel like they won...but then again, as my sweet and very loving Christian grandmother used to say....sometimes you have to have war before you can have peace...I used to wonder what that meant as a kid...but I totally understand it now.... :)
Just how would one go about even attempting to regain some sort of friendship with their siblings? Or even a cordial relationship.
I have no more hatred or hard feelings towards my brothers. It would be nice for everyone involved in somehow some of these feelings could be squashed and we all move forward in life.
When one of my brothers told me that I needed to find my own life and not depend on them for things to do (this was 18 months) ago I knew I was pretty much on my own. They forgot one important thing. I have no life and it's very difficult to start one when you are barely able to leave the house and when you do, you have 3 hours in which to "get a life".
I know this Attorney [who is also my and my sig other Elder Law Attorney] won't have my parents sign anything that she feels they can't understand.
Dad [93] wants to place a scholarship at his alma mater which I think is great. He said the scholarship is to help his nieces and nephews.... ah, Dad, your nieces and nephews are now all over the age of 50, don't think they will want to leave home and go away to college :P.... why not have the scholarship for anyone who is interested in physics or electrical engineering?
And why not do the scholarship now instead of waiting until both you and Mom pass on. The Elder Law Attorney said she will leave that section blank so that my parents can talk more about what they wish to do. I have visions of this subject going around and around and around, and nothing solved.
On the way home from the meeting, my Dad said he and Mom should have done all this 10 years ago. Boy was he right about that.
The more I read these forums and see where there is friction among the siblings, it seems like it is one person doing all the caregiving with no or very little help from the others. Thus I wonder if those other siblings want the parent in a continuing care home, verbally or secretly thinking it but not wanting to admit it. Or being afraid they might have to help pay for the cost.
I have no siblings so I don't really know the dynamics that go on. But now I finally understand the hard feelings involved after seeing my parents not be onboard to care for their own parents, using the excuse that they lived out-of-state. I know my Mom and her sisters weren't that close after her parents had passed on and the sisters did the Caregiving.
I am ready to put a note on my front door in really big lettering that says:
I do not need new windows.
I do not need a new roof.
The siding is doing its job, it doesn't need replacing.
The gutters are fine.
I don't need a new front door.
I don't need any trees trimmed or cut down.
I don't need my driveway replaced.
Geeze, enough already !!!!
No Soliciting
If you don't have an appointment or we don't know you - DO NOT disturb us!
-No Charity
-No Food or Menus
-No Home Estimates
-No Petitions
-No Political Causes
-No Religious Appeals
-No Salesmen
We don't interrupt your work - don't interrupt ours!
No Excuses!
But apparently it is not large enough. They still knock on the door and have the gall to ignore the sign. I had one political idiot do that and insist that I should listen to his spiel because "I'm running for congress!". Great way to get my vote, buddy. The religious ones irritate the heck out of me. I have my own religion and beliefs, thank you. Don't bring yours to my door. I don't bring mine to yours. When they ignore my "do not solicit" sign and knock or leave flyers on the door, complete with a phone number, I give them a call - and it's not a friendly one. I'm polite, but tell them very firmly NOT to leave their flyers on my door.
I work from home full time and care for my mother - I do NOT have time for this crap and it's pretty high on my pet peeve list.
Veronica!! What!? How can this sort of stuff happen? What if the anxiety of reading you'd had a heart attack actually caused you to have one? oh vey... our healthcare system and it's operators really need to have a look over... these type of issues should never happen. Sorry it had to happen to you. Now, tell me what you meant about a "boy toy"? For mom or for me? :D hehe, yes I remember the ear licking incident... most days it would probably be my mother doing the licking... I've thought about a "boy toy", just being honest, I miss male companionship. Really, what did you mean about a BOY TOY? LOL!! You've got my already racing mind... racing in a racy direction :)
Personally, I love the explosive idea... It's just a sign, doesn't mean it will actually explode, but they'll get the damn drift. I have a 75 lb pittie who answers my door... she alone makes them leave with her loud BOOF BOOF little do they know, she'll just knock em down, stand on their chest and lick em to death.
Been a long rough day. Mom's in pace mode again since the wee hours of morning... I've been in clean mode and took everything of the glass TV stand to dust it, the sun was shining in the window and my big girl was lying in the sun beside me... mom paces in/out/in/out, I ask her to please sit down for a bit while I finish up the dusting, back/forth/back/forth... I get up to fluff the pillows in her chair, she stuffs her feet under the dog and says it's in the way?... and down she goes, crashes into the coffee table... no real injuries just bumped her ear a good one. I ice it and sit her in her chair... she's been up and at em ever since... This could be a long cold night (it's 20 outside) and all I want to do is curl up on the couch and watch a good ole romantic movie... sigh
Mama's cold is hanging on...I have managed to get some decent nutrition in her but not as much as I'd like..but still at least she' s getting some really good z's in so she may need the good deep sleep more than food right now...she has had enough and has had her meds so just monitoring her really well...I wish I looked as pretty as she does when I am sick...
You said, "hobbesmom, thanks for the update on cremation... sounds like something I had heard but hadn't verify. I will tell my Dad but he's so old school Catholic he might not change his mind. But it is worth a try."
My response:
At the end of the day, it's what your dad wants. It's just important that you both know that cremation is allowed per his faith.
You said, "the pope is so dam broke hes reaching out to gays , peds , divorcees , bikers , athiests , and im pretty sure i read about him this week offering pets everlasting heavenly riches . i think that for a faithful following hed be ok with not only cremation but also a reverently executed wood chipper funeral procedure."
Wow! That's a lot of vitriol/hatred you're spewing there. You may want to re-think that based upon other recent postings of yours. I'm going to chalk this up to you having a "moment." We all have them now and then.
I'm a former Catholic with the odd addition that my mom was a former nun (she was a Dominican = a teaching order. She broke her back before taking her final vows and had to leave because she wasn't able to stand all day and teach). Anyway, I have many issues with the Catholic church. Very strong ones - probably some are stronger than yours, although different. Still, I respect those who still practice that faith.
Regarding the pet thing...I can't remember what day it is assigned, but the Catholics DO have a day in honor of St. Francis of Assisi, who was known to love animals. On that day, they have a Mass where people are welcomed to bring their pets to be blessed (no money involved). Considering all the money people spend on clothes/toys/special foods for their pets, this is a very minor thing. Best to you.
Things changed a lot for me, I felt confined, needing my own space and often I was left to care for mom as my sister had to spend a lot of time out of the house, making purchases, etc. (She is a seamstress). Mom would start up conversations to agitate me, mostly about my sister. She repeats herself a lot because of her early dementia. She recalls many stories about her childhood days and people I don't know and don't have an interest in. It got to be really annoying. So I did the thing that caregivers are not supposed to do. I retaliated. I argued and many times I said way too much, leaving bruised feelings on both Mom and me. It's been about a year and 1/2 since we have all been together. These days I am learning to cope and trying desperately to keep quiet. Still haven't conquered that yet. All in all, though I must say, I would rather have Mom around and do what we can to help her, than wish I had done more for her after she's gone.
Mom eats basically what she wants, but she eats. Has gained quite a bit of weight.. Her diet mostly consists of carbs, cake, cake and more cake, a very few vegetables, although she loves sweet potatoes, so that's a plus. It takes much prayer and even venting with my sister and a good friend, but we're making it work. Thank God for my sister. She's a gem. She acts as a buffer between my mom and me. It does get hard at times, I find that prayer and scripture reading helps me a lot.
Very funny! And, hey, the pope is an easy target - the whole Catholic church is really. I'm not here to be an apologist for the Catholic church. If you want to hate the pope or the Catholic church, fine, just be informed about your reasons why. By the way, I'm more protestant than the Protestants! Have a good day! It would be nice if you shared one cinnamon roll with me, but I won't condemn you to hell if you say "no." lolololol
Could be that bottle of Merlot i have half kicked though too. (I seldom get a chance to indulge)
May I suggest a "Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shoot again" sign. Your post made me give my dogs a big hug though and thank God I live in the boonies. We dont even get trick or treaters out here.
I have no whine to go with my wine tonight as my sister bought Mom a roller walker with a seat on it and took mom to Sams Club today for a test driver. Mom came home and laid down on her day bed here in the great room and has been snoring ever since. Thank you Lord for a great New Years present!